


The Missing Years

by LJANE2018C



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Best Friends, Fluff, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Heartache, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Major Illness, Meet the Family, Mystery, Other Characters from Emmerdale, Past Lives, Recovery, Wealth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:58:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 285,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LJANE2018C/pseuds/LJANE2018C
Summary: This is my imagining of an alternative future for Aaron and Robert, starting from Oct 2019. It starts off with Robert being ill but this is not a fiction about illness so don't be put of if you hate hospital dramas.I started writing this fiction back in Nov 2018 so what has happened since then has been ignored.This fiction also covers Robert's missing years, something that Emmerdale have never sadly explored. You'll get to meet his Merrick family and I've given him some actual friends as well and a dog!Being Aaron and Robert expect there to be highs and the lows. lots of angst, heart break and happiness but I promise you that whatever I throw at them they will always find a way back to each other, because they are soulmates for life.Chapter 27 is the final part of Annie's Funeral trilogy. This is the chapter where Robert at long last tells Diane and Vic a few long overdue home truths about the way they have treated him over the years. He doesn't take any prisoners! The villagers get to have a few salvo's thrown their way as well for good measure.





	1. The night before everything changed and the morning after

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a slow burner that will slowly open up various moments from Robert's past.  
> Not sure what Emmerdale have planned so my vision will differ from current storylines although I have tried to adhere to things from the past as close as possible.  
> Some of Roberts past and timelines have been altered slightly to fit into the story I want to tell and also to be honest eradicate some of the mess that has happened that I haven't liked as part of their story line.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has some bad news for Aaron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first wrote this chapter back in Nov 18. Since then I have re-read it and have often thought that it could have been   
> a whole lot better so finally and hopefully this is the new improved version.

The night before everything changed

Aaron was fast asleep. For the first time in several weeks he slept soundly without a care in the world. All his recent fears had been swept aside. 

It the past few weeks Aaron had been struggling. His old insecurities were back, they had an unwelcome hold on his emotional state once more. He had battled with every last bit of his mental strength not to give in to the heart wrenching terror of his worst nightmare, that his husband was falling out of love with him. He could not stop himself from thinking the worst, that he wasn't enough any more for Robert. That his husband was finally getting bored with him just as Lawrence White has predicted. He had wanted to confront Robert and ask him what he had done wrong, what had changed, but he knew losing Robert would destroy him so he had kept quiet, suffering in silence pretending that everything was OK.

To be fair he had good reasons for feeling the way he had. Robert had been away on business a lot, sometimes for several days at a time over the last few weeks, when Aaron had eventually mentioned to Jimmy that Robert was doing to much Jimmy had reluctantly admitted that the business trips weren't all haulage related, when Aaron had queried this with Robert, trying to sound as casual as he could Robert had just shrugged if off saying he was doing some ad-hoc project work as well as haulage business and left it at that. 

Aaron had wanted to ask more about where he had been, what he had been doing, he remembered the 'trips' he and Robert used to have in the affair era and he was desperate to know more about the mystery days away but he had eventually decided once more to let it drop in case he got an answer that would rip his world apart, less said and all that. 

When Robert had been at home he was distracted, he was so quiet sometimes hours would pass without him saying a word, to be fair when he did talk to Aaron he was still supportive and kind but he just didn't seem to fully engage with what he was saying. Aaron believed he was up to usual trick of telling him what he needed to hear just to keep his happy, but that was so like Robert always wanting to protect him so in some ways nothing had changed on that front..

Over a period of weeks Robert had lost weight and was nearly as thin as when Aaron had first met him. He seemed lethargic at times as if he didn’t have the energy to waste on the mundane. Aaron could only describe it as listlessness, a disinterest in the world around him.

The thing though that really worried Aaron the most was their love life. Normally they enjoyed a very passionate relationship but even their love making seemed different, it was as if Robert was again just going through the motions doing what was required to pleasure Aaron without feeling anything in return. 

Things had changed so much that even Liv had asked what was up, was Robert OK. Over the years she had grown to love Robert so very much. He was the calm one that she could talk to, he was always ready to listen and give advice without judging her and that demeanour of his had made her feel loved and secure that there was one person that she could cling to when the storm raged around her.

Aaron reflected that last night things had changed back to the way they had been before making him doubt what it was he had been worried about. A part of him felt that he should pinch himself to make sure he was awake and it wasn't a dream. Robert had been his Robert again. The man who had been like at stranger at times had once more been his husband, best friend and lover. Aaron wasn't sure what had changed but he just let himself enjoy the moment, not wanting to spoil things, questions could come later. Robert had been so kind and attentive, their lovemaking had been special, even by their standards it had been amazing, Robert had taken his time to make sure that every part of his body had been on fire, the pleasure had unraveled him to the point that he had become incoherent with desire. He had basked in the aftermath of their passion, securely snuggled up in Robert’s strong arms and felt as if they had been molded together, two people becoming one in perfect harmony. 

When they finally came down from their high, Robert had tenderly caressed Aaron's face and looking deeply into his husband’s brilliant blue eyes. Robert reflected that Aaron eyes had been his undoing when they had first met nearly five years ago, they had proved lethal to his well being and peace of mind. They had captivated him right from the very start in their vice like grip until he had had known no peace until he had possessed Aaron, igniting a passion in him that couldn’t be quenched. Even now those eyes could still make him go weak at the knees, they managed to look into very his soul and when they did Robert was helpless, he knew that he do anything that Aaron asked of him, give him everything that his heart desired. 

Robert spoke in his soft voice, the one that was reserved for Aaron and him alone. He he told Aaron that he was the love of his life, that nobody had ever come close and never would, that he would love him until the last breath left his body. He had carefully watched Aaron as he spoke, making sure that his words had sunk in. 

Aaron’s heart had soared as Robert had spoken to him, it was if Robert had finally come alive again, his kind loving husband had read his mind and realised how much he needed to hear how much he was loved, knew that his insecurity and bouts of low self esteem had been plaguing him recently and he needed reassurance that his husband was still his, that he and he alone was still the centre of Robert's world.

The next morning

The alarm sounded and Aaron gradually came awake, he reached for Robert to nudge him, wanting him to hit the snooze button so they could have a few more minutes to themselves before they got up and started a new day. Aaron touched thin air. The last moments of semi consciousness left him and he fully woke up with a start. He realised that Robert wasn't beside him. He quickly got out of bed and checked the bathroom, finding it empty he then checked in Seb's room. Seb was fast asleep no dad is sight.

Aaron made his way downstairs fully expecting to finally see Robert there. The room was in darkness. He made his way to the kitchen to put the kettle on, it was then that he noticed a note on the table.

Aaron read what it had to say. Robert apologised, he had forgotten to mention last night that he had a meeting that he needed to attend to first thing in Leeds. He wouldn't be long, hopefully back by 12pm at the latest and would be free for the rest of the day, how about they start the weekend early? Lots of love Rob xxx

Aaron was annoyed, he had wanted to talk to Robert, after last night when things had appeared to have got back to normal he thought that it would now be safe to voice some of his concerns, finally get some of the answers that had been burning a hole in his mind. He managed to shrug of his disappointment, after all they could talk when Robert got back but it was yet another 'meeting' and he could not help but wonder yet again what Robert was doing. 

It was Aaron's day to take care of Seb and since he had several hours until Robert returned he decided that they should both go out for the morning to pass the time. Playing with his ‘son’ always lightened his mood so it would stop him worrying about this latest disappearing act of his husbands until Robert returned and he could get some answers.

Robert managed to get home sooner than he had predicted. He was greeted by an empty flat. Aaron had texted to say he had taken Seb swimming and he knew that Liv was at College so he realised that he would have time to himself. 

Robert was grateful for the solitude. His 'meeting' has been extremely difficult and he needed time to compose himself to face the trauma ahead. He had been dreading the upcoming conversation he knew he finally had to have with Aaron, it had haunted him for weeks and a part of he knew that he'd put it off to long already. Time though had run out so he had no more time prevaricate. 

Aaron got home at 11.30am. He noticed that his husband's Porsche was parked outside. When he opened the front door he saw that Robert was fast asleep on the sofa. Aaron studied his husband's face, in the bright light of day he looked tired, he seemed even paler than usually and had dark circles under his eyes. Aaron thought that the relentless pace that his husband lived at had definitely caught up with him. Aaron decided that when Robert woke up he should add it to the list of things he needed to discuss with him, he needed to tell Robert he needed to slow down, that his family needed him fit and well and the pace he was going at would make him ill.

Aaron decided to let Robert sleep a bit longer but Seb had other ideas. Their son let out a cry when he saw his dad, waking Robert up in the process. Aaron smiled ruefully and mouthed sorry. 

Robert played with Seb for awhile, the little boy enjoying being the centre of his dad attention. Eventually Seb couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, the swimming and play had worn him out so Aaron took him upstairs and placed him in his bed for a nap.

Aaron began to make lunch while Robert sat at the table watching him. Aaron choosing his words with care, he asked Robert how the meeting had gone. Robert remained silent, he couldn’t bring himself to answer. Aaron was annoyed by his husband’s lack of response and turned round to look at him, preparing himself to ask again when the words froze in his mouth. His husband's had tears in his eyes. Aaron went over to Robert and put his arms around him holding him tight. 

Robert began to sob, he broke down in his husband's arms. Aaron did his best to soothe him, comfort him as best he could but it was a while before Robert got his emotions under control again. Aaron felt scared, he had never seen Robert like this before, he was always so strong, so in control and seeing him so broken was terrifying. Aaron felt a coldness seeping into his bones as he wondered what had caused his husband’s breakdown. He tried to breath deeply to stop himself falling apart, he needed to be strong, to support Robert in whatever way he could.

When Robert finally stopped crying Aaron lead him to the sofa and they sat down. Taking a deep breath Aaron asked Robert what was wrong. At first he didn't think that Robert would answer but after a while Robert began to talk.

Robert began by apologising. "I am so sorry for the way I've been lately, I know I've hurt you, not been the husband you needed and deserved and I hate myself for the pain I have caused you, I really do, but I needed time to come to terms with everything, I wasn't ready..."

Aaron gulped. He was really worried now. He looked at Robert and asked "Ready for what?"

Robert looked like he was going to start crying again, Aaron saw his jaw flex but somehow he managed to keep his composure as he started to talk. "A few months ago I started to get headaches, I usually get a few, but these headaches wouldn't go away, they were a constant dull ache, not even tablets would shift them. After burying my head in the sand for weeks I finally came to my senses, I knew I couldn't ignore them any more so I arranged to see a consultant in London to get myself checked out, that's why I been away so much lately, I've been having various tests to find out what's wrong with me".

Aaron started to go pale, his stomach tightened and tears formed in his eyes. He stared at Robert and in a voice he didn’t recognise as his own and heard himself ask the question that he was frightened to hear what the answer was going to be. "And what is wrong?"

Robert hesitated, even now he couldn't bear to say the words that he knew would break his husband's heart. With a deep breath he finally manage to say what he should told Aaron long before now "I’m so sorry Aaron, I was hopeful that I would never have to tell you this, that the tests would come back negative, but they haven’t, they said what I feared they would say. There is no easy way to say this so I am going to be blunt. I have a brain tumour".

Aaron started at Robert, he couldn’t breathe. He tried to remain strong but the shock that Robert was seriously ill was to much for him to bear. He started to cry as the terror of losing his husband terrified him so deeply that it left him cold to his very bones. He started to panic.

Robert seeing the state Aaron was getting himself into instantly pulled him into his arms and held him tightly, trying to give him all the love and support he could, to calm his growing terror. As he held his husband, Robert reflected that there were some dark days ahead. That he and Aaron would need all their combined strength if they were to survive yet another one of fates cruel tricks that she kept playing on them all to often.


	2. Robert and Aaron confront Robert's illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert talk about Robert's illness. The past is mentioned briefly.

Aaron laid in Robert's arms, his head resting on Robert's chest. Once he finally seemed calmer Robert started to talk.

"I talked to the consultant after the results confirmed that I had a brain tumour. He talked me through everything, it seems that as brain tumours go I've been lucky. The tests show that its benign. Apparently the best option is to have surgery. If they can't remove it all safely then I'll have to have radiotherapy to destroy the rest of it. The good news is that apparently this type of tumour rarely grows back. I even get to keep most of my hair they only shave the area where the tumour is".

Robert stopped talking, he knew that he had been rambling the words finally spilling out, he had expected Aaron to ask questions, but instead he had been meet with silence. He waited for Aaron to speak. The silence stretched, until Robert couldn't bear it any longer. "Please say sometime Aaron, talk to me"

Aaron gradually disengaged himself from Robert's arms and sat up, Robert followed suit. The shock he had felt at hearing Robert was ill, the terror of losing him had slowly been replaced by an all consuming anger, he knew that he shouldn't be feeling this way but he couldn't help himself, he needed a release from the pain he felt. "You want to talk now, after all these weeks when you have kept me in the dark, I knew something was wrong but every time I tried to talk to you, you shut me down, I've been sick with worry, I even thought that maybe you were having an affair, that you didn't want me anymore. I had a right to know. We agreed when we got back together that there would be no more secrets, Christ the stick you gave me over Adam, and I don't even want to go into the whole Seb thing when you gave him away without telling me and now this".

Robert was taken aback at Aaron's anger "I did this to protect you, I didn't want to worry you until I knew what was wrong and then I just needed some time to myself to process everything, get myself under control. I'm sorry that I hurt you it wasn't my intention, I....".

Aaron snorted cutting him short. "and there we have it Robert Sugden needs to be in control, he always has to be the one that know best, playing god, well your not!".

Robert was stung, his own temper igniting, he ended up shouting back at Aaron. "You think it's been easy for me, living with this. I've been so scared, frightened of what the future held, whether I was going to die and yes I've been selfish, but just for once where your concerned I put me first, I wasn't ready to deal with your feelings, having to cope with you, when I couldn't deal with how I felt, I had to take care of myself. I just" Robert couldn't continue, he started to cry.

The anger drained from Aaron, he felt ashamed now of his outburst. It hadn't been Robert that he was mad at really it was just the unfairness of it all that had got to him, they had suffered more that enough between them already. He couldn't bear to see Robert so upset. He pulled Robert into his arms, holding him tight as the sobs racked his body, tears silently falling from his eyes to.

They stayed in each other arms, neither of them wanting to talk, the pain to raw for both of them. Robert eventually moved, disengaging himself from Aaron arms. Said he needed to wash his face, freshen up. Aaron let him go. Shortly after he could hear the water running, Robert was having a shower, Aaron ruefully smiled to himself, he had never known anyone to be so obsessed with being so clean all the time. Aaron made his way up stairs, sitting on the bed waiting for Robert to come out of the bathroom.

Robert emerged dressed in a bathrobe, towel drying his hair. He looked drained, his eyes still raw. His face had a deathly pallor emphasising the darkness under his eyes. Aaron silently cursed himself, how had he been so blind not to see that his husband was ill.

Aaron broke the silence. "I'm sorry for what I said, I shouldn't have" he couldn't finish. The words stuck in his throat, he felt the tears welling up once more in his eyes.

Robert went and sat next to him on the bed and put his arm around him. "Its ok, I understand, I know you needed to let the pain out. I'm not angry with you. I get it".

"You shouldn't have to, it just hurt so much I...."

Robert smiled at Aaron, one free hand reaching up to caress his face. "I know"

Aaron looked at him. "Your amazing you know that, I can't even begin to imagine where you found the strength from, how you cope, I'd have been a mess, I couldn't have dealt with this on my own" Aaron looked at Robert sadly and added "But then you've had to much practice dealing with this kinder stuff on your own, you've suffered so much over the years, it breaks my heart when I think what you've been through and now this its to much, its just not fair".

Robert looked at Aaron quizzically.

"Paddy told me a bit about your past, all the heartache you've endured. The people you have lost. Your adoptive mum dying the way she did. How your dad kicked you out when you were 19 forcing you to leave the village. I can't even begin to imagine how you survived, it would have destroyed me, if my family hadn't found me after my dad kicked me out, I wouldn't have survived". 

Robert was wary about getting on to this topic, he always avoided talking about the past, to many painfully memories that he didn't wanted to relive, especially the time after he had left the village. "When did Paddy tell you all this, you've never mentioned anything before"

"It was a few weeks before the wedding, I was worried about the timing what with everything that was going on, thought that we should postpone, but he said that you needed it, you had had a lot of heartache over the years and that the wedding should go ahead, mum was just as determined. I asked Paddy what he meant by heartache and he told everything he could remember about your past, it broke my heart hearing him list everything, it was to much what you went through, way to much for one person to have had to deal with".

Robert looked at Aaron, sadness in his eyes, he hated seeing his husband upset, it always torn at his heart, he had made it his mission in life to make his husband happy, keep him safe. He chose his words carefully trying to deflect the conversation away from his past as he always did, it was the last thing he wanted to talk about ever, he knew that the only way he could deal with what he had lived through was to keep it buried deep, refusing to acknowledge what had happened, to knew that it would rip him apart to have to relive all his pain and suffering. "What I went through, well its a long time ago now, its the past, my life is different now, I sometimes have to pinch myself, I can't believe how lucky I am, I have you, Seb and Liv, your my family, you are all I need, you've transformed my life, I've never been so happy, felt so loved, its all I ever wanted, I'm so grateful for what I have, what you have given me. What we need to do is concentrate on the present, I have to have this operation, get better, let just focus on the now".

Aaron was about to reply when he heard the sound of the front door being slammed shut. Liv was home. They both looked at each other, knew that Liv needed to be told about Robert's illness, neither of them relishing the conversation, knowing how upset she would be.

They heard Liv call out if anyone was home, Aaron reluctantly got up to go downstairs to join her, he had wanted to talk to Robert some more, there were things he needed to know, but he knew it would have to wait until later, when they could be alone again. Aaron asked Robert if he needed time alone, whether he needed to rest but he shook his head, said that he would get dressed and join them, that they needed to talk to Liv together.


	3. The day before the Operation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron reflects on the past whilst he is waiting to see Robert in hospital before the Operation.
> 
> Cliff hangar at the end of the Chapter. Answer to be covered in Chapter 4

Aaron sat in the waiting room whilst the medical staff did their final checks to ensure that Robert was well enough to undergo his operation the following day. Aaron had been slowing counting down the days to the operation , the closer the date had got the worse he had felt, he had a foreboding that things wouldn't go well. He had been getting nightmares, reliving the Christmas Eve when Robert had nearly died after being hit by the White's car. He'd watched as Robert had flat lined that day needing to be resuscitated, he remembered holding his breathe until Robert's had come back to life, the relief coursing though him, the thought of living without him had been unbearable, he hadn't been ready to let him go even though they had been apart at the time. 

When Robert had 'died' Aaron had had a painfully wake up call. He had fought against his feeling for Robert for so long but at the moment he had nearly lost him forever he had realised he could no longer deceive himself, he still loved him. At first he had stubbornly refused to change his stance, he wasn't going to have Robert back but when he thought Robert was moving on, the thought of him with someone else had finally broke through his defences. 

Before the accident Aaron had been adamant that they were over for good, that he was never going to take Robert back. He had told Robert repeatedly that they were done, that he would never want him again, knowing how much Robert wanted him back he knew his words wounded him deeply he'd seen the pain in his eyes. He'd revelled in the power he had had over Robert back then, where once he had been the one taking whatever scraps Robert had thrown his way during the 'affair era', pathetically gratefully for all the stolen moments that they had had together, now he was the one in control, calling the shots. He had wanted Robert to hurt, to make him feel the same pain he had due to his betrayal. He'd gone as far as getting a new boyfriend but all it had done in the end was make him realise that nobody would ever be able to come close to Robert, that everyone would be a pale imitation in comparison.

Robert had come clean about sleeping with Rebecca whilst Aaron had been in prison, taking full responsibility for what had happened that night. He had made no excuses for his behaviour, had told Aaron that he was the only one to blame. Aaron still, however, partially blamed himself for what had happened, even though Robert had repeatedly told him not to, when Robert had visited him in prison earlier that day he had been cruel, he'd lashed out when Robert had confronted him about taking drugs, telling him to go that he didn't need him, to do one, he'd known that he had hurt him, all he'd tried to do was help, to get him to think straight. Aaron knew now that Robert had defaulted to what he always did when he was in pain, when life was unbearable, he'd drunk himself into oblivion to get the momentarily respite he needed, to make the pain stop for a while. Aaron was sure deep down that Robert wouldn't have slept with Rebecca if he hadn't been drunk and feeling so lost and vulnerable at that moment in time, he'd never been interested in her when he was sober. She'd been trying to split them up, wanting Robert for herself and she had shamelessly taken her chance when it presented itself.

A part of him still hated Rebecca, even though she was dead and couldn't cause him anymore harm, her actions had ripped his life apart back then. He had disliked her from the first moment he had seen her, arriving like lady muck in that helicopter, she was the type of person he detested, rich, spoilt, arrogant and entitled, a pampered princess indulged all her life who took what she wanted without giving a dam who she hurt, he wondered if she had ever had a conscience as she'd proven time and time again that she didn't care about anybody but herself. She'd made it clear from the start that she had history with Robert, that she wanted him back. He didn't even want to dwell on the problems she'd caused when she had gone to Liverpool with Ross and Robert had misguidedly let her take Seb, thinking that it would be wrong to keep her child from her when she had lost so much. His hatred for her had intensified then due to the way she had repaid Robert's kindness and compassion, his attempt to do the right thing had backfired badly causing them both so much pain. They had had to tiptoe around Rebecca just to be allowed to see their son, she was always the one dictating terms, making them jump through hoops. The selfish bitch hadn't once put Seb first, just herself as usual, she not cared about how much Seb had missed them, how unsettled and unhappy he had been in a strange environment with people he didn't know. As long as she had him that's all that mattered to her. 

Aaron mentally shook himself, he needed to stop dwelling on the past. Robert always told him to concentrate on the present, enjoy the moment, not allow the past to ruin things. He was learning but it was still a work in progress. 

It had been a surprise when the hospital had called to say that they could bring the operation forward as a gap had appeared in their schedule. In some ways it was better like this, no more waiting. He felt the tight knot in his stomach, it was only when it went to pick up his coffee that he realised that his hands were shaking as well, he took deep breathes to compose himself, he knew that the last thing Robert needed to deal with at this point was him going into meltdown mode. He looked at the clock, how much longer were they going to be?

The days since Robert had told him he was ill had been unbearable for both of them. There seemed to be endless people that they had to tell, having to explain over and over again what was wrong, what the prognosis was. He knew that Robert had got sick and tired of it all, having to cope with other people's feelings when he could barely cope with his own. Everyone had fussed round him, coming up with well meaning platitudes that he knew had grated on his nerves. There were a few occasions when he had thought Robert's temper was finally going to ignite, but by some miracle he had composed himself at the last minute. Lydia in particular had managed to wind Robert up big time, whilst her heart was in the right place, conversations with her often had Robert looking like he wanted the earth to swallow him up. Robert was very pragmatic and her airy fairy mumbo jumbo about positive thoughts, wishing things well had had him rolling his eyes in disbelieve, Aaron had taken pity on him and come to his rescue.

Telling Liv had been the worst moment for both of them. As soon as she had seen their faces she knew something was up. It had been heartbreaking to see her face crumble when Robert told her he was ill. Robert had pulled her into his arms as the tears had racked her body, Aaron had looked on feeling utterly helpless, he had marvelled at Robert's strength, even though he was the one that was ill his first concerns were still protecting the people he loved. It was this side of Robert that he wished more people could see, a side his husband kept hidden from only a select few. 

Aaron looked at his watch again, time seemed to be standing still, how much longer would he have to wait?

Finally at last someone approached him and said he could go in. He found Robert propped up in bed. Aaron went to him and kissed him on the forehead, his lips lingering for a while, not wanting to break the contact to soon. He eventually moved and grabbed a chair pulling it up close to the bed. Aaron reached for Robert's left hand, clasping it tight.

Aaron looked at Robert, he seemed pale and subdued. Aaron squeezed his hand and Robert smiled weakly.

"They took their time, I thought I was never going to get to see you. How did it go?"

Robert took his time answering "Seems that I am good to go. The operation should go ahead first thing tomorrow."

Aaron nodded. "So this time tomorrow it should all be over?"

"That's the theory"

Aaron gave Robert's hand another squeeze. He was lost for words. 

Robert leant over to the side cabinet and opened it, taking out his father's watch. He handed it to Aaron. "I forgot to take it off before we came to the hospital, I meant to leave it at home, can you take back for me, keep it somewhere safe?"

Aaron held the watch, turning it over so he could see the inscription of their wedding dates, his thumb rubbing the engravings. "Of course I can, I'll keep it until your back home and can put it on again"

Aaron kept looking at the watch. Before he could stop himself he voiced his thoughts out loud. "Why does this watch mean so much to you, when it belonged to a man that didn't give a damn about you?"


	4. Robert and Aaron talk about Robert's Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the day before the Operation and Robert and Aaron are at Leeds Hospital.
> 
> Aaron finally gets Robert to talk in detail about his Childhood. There are references to major events in Robert's life that shaped the person he is today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. I have tried to imagine from Roberts POV what he thought his Childhood had been like, the emotions he felt. 
> 
> There are still some events that I have not covered - these are for later chapters.

Aaron instantly realised that he had spoken his words out loud, he looked at Robert and could see that he had upset him. "1'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I just...".

Aaron took a deep breathe, he knew he should change the subject, that the last thing Robert needed was to have this type of conversation a day before his operation but Robert's blinkered attitude regarding his father had always frustrated him and today he just couldn't help himself, all the pent up worry and stress of the past week had got to him and he finally snapped. "I just don't understand why you still love him so much after the way he treated you. He forced you to leave the village, you lost everything, your family, your home, your friends, your livelihood, he left you with nothing. Why do you still care so much, he didn't give a damn about you after you'd gone, did he ever try and get in touch to make sure you were ok. No! He just played happy families with Diane, Andy and Vic and forgot that you existed...?" Aaron stopped, he realised he had been ranting, the anger that had gripped him vanishing as suddenly as it had flared up, he could see that his words had not gone down well, Robert had a dangerous glint in his eyes and he looked as if he was struggling to keep his temper.

Robert rarely ever talked about his father, what Aaron had learnt has been garnered piecemeal over the years he had known Robert, occasional snippets here and there that he had begrudgingly shared with him. There was also the gossip both past and present, there was so much of it that it had made his head spin. He remembered when his Mother and Paddy had found out that he was having an affair with Robert, all hell had broken loose. By the time they had finished doing their hatchet job they had made Robert out to be the devil incarnate. Whilst a part of him hadn't been naive enough not to realise some of what they said was true, having got to know Robert he'd seen him in a different light. The man that he had got to know had been different from people's perception of him, with him Robert had taken off the armour plating, letting him glimpse the real man underneath. The man that he had fallen so deeply in love with.

Robert took his time answering, he couldn't believe that Aaron has chosen this moment to have a melt down about his Dad. He tried to chose his words carefully, wanting to end this conversation as soon as he could, his father was the last person he wanted to talk about, to many painfully memories that he found hard to bear even after all these years but he knew that he needed to tell Aaron something to finally put the topic to bed once and for all. "He was my dad and I loved him, he was a good man, everyone in the village respected him, it was my fault that things worked out the way they did, I made it impossible for him to love me. I was a terrible son, I was always a disappointment, I was always doing awful things hurting people. He was rightly ashamed of me, I'm ashamed of me to. The day he told me to go he had had enough, I had done one awful thing to many, he was right to throw me out, everyone was better off without me ".

Aaron looked at Robert, the anger that had spurred him on earlier had now left him to be replaced with an overwhelming sadness. It was times like this that he hated Jack Sugden with a vengeance, hated the man for the irreparable damage he had done to his son. Everybody thought that Robert was indestructible, hard as nails but he had seen Robert without the mask he worn when he was in the 'outside world', saw a man plagued with self doubt and insecurities, a man who at times thought of himself as undeserving of love and kindness. 

It has taken a while for Aaron to realise but he had eventually figured out why Robert had given Seb up last year, Robert had been terrified that he would fail his son, that he would be better off without him. It had broken his heart when Robert had finally confessed his reasons for letting Seb go. How scared he had been that he would ruin his son's life, that his son deserved so much better than him. He had found it hard to believe that Robert could have thought that, he had watched him with Seb, he was a brilliant dad, so kind and attentive, he had thought that Seb had been so lucky to have him. It was only when Robert had admitted that his father had told him that he poisoned everything he touched he had realised why Robert had been so fearful of playing a part in his son's life, why he had nearly left the village the day after his son had been born. His father had made him feel that he never deserved anything good in life, that he ruined everything.

Robert was now clearly upset but then talking about his Dad always caused him heartache, Aaron felt awful what the hell had possessed him today of all days to sound off but he felt that he needed to honest now that he had opened up this can of worms. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you and I know this isn't probably the best time to talk but I'm tired of way you always blame yourself, he was a lousy father and its time you stopped making excuses for him, he hurt you over and over again, in different ways he hurt you as much as Gordon did me. 

Robert looked sadly at Aaron "I knew you weren't a fan of my dad but I had no idea your feelings were this strong. You right he did hurt me, but I hurt him to. We were a bad fit, the wrong father with the wrong son. Andy was the son of his heart, the son he would have chosen for himself I was the son that biology dumped on him".

Aaron by now was well and truly kicking himself, self loathing coursing through him. Why couldn't he have kept this mouth shut. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to upset you like this, lets just change the subject, talk about sometime else".

Robert paused for a moment trying to decide what to say. To Aaron surprise he continued to talk about the past. "You know things weren't always bad, I have good memories of my early childhood I'm not saying it was perfect, there were bad days, but I was happy most of the time.

"Really!".

Robert smiled. "Yes it was, it didn't start well losing my mother when I was a few months old, but I was so young I can't remember her, the only memories I have are from photo's and what I was told. I've often wondered what it would have been like if she had lived, how much different my life would have been, it sees strange missing someone you never knew but I have always felt this emptiness inside as if part of me has always been missing. My Gran helped raise me for a while but it was to much and she told dad to get help. That's when Sarah came into out lives, I was 4 at the time. I loved her from the onset, there was something about her, she made my dad happy. We became a family. Then Vic was born and I had a little sister. The only things that marred everything was Gran emigrating to Spain shortly followed by the death of my uncle Joe when I was eight. You would have loved him, looking back a part of me wishes he had been my father instead of his brother. We were a better fit.

Robert hesitated, caught up in the memories, he had truly loved Joe, it had broken his heart when he had died. His death had come out of the blue, dying the way he had in a car accident whilst he had been in Spain visiting his Gran. In some ways his death had been a turning point in his childhood. 

Aaron looked at Robert wondering what to say next, before he could talk Robert resumed.

"I missed Joe so much I became withdrawn, chose to isolate myself at school, not wanting to get attached to anyone. I know my Dad and Sarah worried about me. It was then that I made one of the worst mistakes of my life. There was this lad at school who was going through a rough time, the other kids gave him a wide berth, dad in prison. I felt sorry for him so I invited him home to play. I bought Andy into our lives. Dad and Sarah were happy to see I finally had a friend, when they found out what Andy was going through they took pity on him, took him in, gave him a home. My whole life was turned upside down, I began to resent him, when I kicked off I was told I was selfish, that I should be more kind. I didn't know it at the time but Andy coming into our life would change everything. I was 10 years old".

"From then on things began to deteriorate, the farm was struggling and Dad and Sarah were arguing about money, then Dad had an affair with Rachael Tate. I caught them together in one of the barns, I was disgusted with him, I had always put him on a pedestal and there he was with a girl half his age. Sarah found out and left him. Then there was the custody battle, Sarah wanted all three of us but the court only let her have Vic. I wanted to stay with Sarah, I hated Dad for not letting me.. Then Dad and Sarah got back together and life seemed to settle down again. Money was still tight so they took in a lodger, Richie, can't remember his second name now. Sarah had an affair with him for a while, he wanted her to leave my Dad. Everything was going wrong again. The night Sarah died she'd been in the barn with Richie".

"I can still remember that night as if it was yesterday. I can't remember why now but at the time I hadn't been living at home, I was staying with my former sister-in-law Kathy. I'd run out of clothes so I had gone back to the Farm to get some more from my room. When I got there I saw that one of the barns was on fire. I could hear somebody screaming, I couldn't work out who it was at first then I realised that it was Sarah. At first she was screaming for help, then the screams changed, she screamed in agony as the flames reached her, when she was burnt alive. I can still hear her now after all these years, the sound.....".

Robert couldn't continue, the tears that had been trying to hold back began to fall. Aaron got up and sat on the bed drawing Robert in his arms, holding him tight. He could feel his husband body shake as the sobs racked his body. Aaron gently caressed Robert's back, trying to calm his husband. Aaron was feeling thoroughly miserable now wishing he could go back in time, unsay his words that started them down this track.

Robert managed to get control of his emotions, his voice shook as he continued. "Everything back then seemed like a never ending nightmare. The police came. My Dad was arrested, charged with Arson and Murder. Stood trial. All the evidence was against him, he was going to be found guilty. It was Richie who saved him in the end, Andy confessed to Ritchie that he had started the fire, that he had overheard Dad and Sarah talk about their money troubles, that they were on the verge of losing the farm. Andy got it into his thick head that if he burnt the barn down they could claim on the insurance, that it would solve all their money problems, that everything would be ok again. Richie changed his evidence at the last minute, clearing Dad, he also decided to let Andy of the hook couldn't face sending a child to prison. Dad knew all long that it has been Andy who had started the fire, he had been prepared to go to prison to protect him from what he had done". I hated them both when I found out. Andy for killing our mum, the only mum I had ever known and Dad for protecting him. I've often wondered whether Dad had even thought for one minute about Vic and me. What it would have done to us if he had gone to prison, our dad branded a murderer. We had already lost our mum and he was prepared to let us lose him to, he would have left us with no one. He put Andy before us, another man son".

Aaron slowly drew back from Robert so he could look him in the eyes. "It no wonder you hated Andy so much, why you struggled with your Dad. What happened next?"

"I couldn't bear to be near either of them. Gran suggested that I went to Spain to stay with her and Amos for a while. I really loved it over there, my Gran and I have always been close. I wanted to stay".

"Why did you return then?".

"In the end I didn't have a choice. Dad insisted that I come home. I begged Gran to let me stay but Dad just wouldn't agree. I don't know why he bothered, when I got back things weren't great. In my absence Dad and Andy had got even closer, I felt like an intruder in my own home. It was then that I truly began to hate Andy, I still hated him for killing my mum and I began to hate him for taking my Dad away from me. I was so screwed up back then. I became bitter and angry".

"From what I heard your Dad was meant to be an intelligent man surely he must of realised that you'd be upset, your Mum can't have been dead that long ago either, didn't he think that you'd be grieving still, upset about what had happened, that you would need him?".

"Dad was so wrapped up with Andy helping him to deal with what he'd done he forgot about me. I was so resentful of all the attention Andy got. Andy had sussed by then that he was Dad's favourite, he used to rub my nose in at every opportunity. We were constantly at each other's throats, chipping away at each other. It was Andy who told Dad where I was the day he caught me with that lad. He told Dad I had skived off leaving him to do all the work. He knew that Dad would be angry, that he would go and find me, make me go back to work. I'll never forget the look my Dad gave me when he saw me half naked with that lad, he was horrified, it sickened him to his very soul. He sacked the lad and then grabbed hold of him and escorted him out of the house and then he came back to my bedroom to deal with me. I knew I was in serious trouble when he took his belt off, it was the worst beating I ever had, I didn't think he would ever stop hitting me. Things were never the same after that. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me, see the disgust in his eyes. I knew that I had lost him, he didn't want a son like me".

"Then he was an idiot. Why did you let him get away with it, not expose him for the bigot he was?".

"I was to ashamed, he made me feel that I was dirty, that what I did was wrong. Its strange but when it came down to it he wasn't against people being gay, its was just me that he didn't want to be that way, not his son. So I buried it".

"By sleeping with every girl that moved?"

"What!".

"I've heard the gossip, one girl after the other, two girlfriends at a time in most cases! Oh and lets not forgot Nicola".

Robert blushed. "Well I was desperate. Andy kept going on about me being a virgin and I was sick of it and to be fair back then Nicola wasn't that bad. It was only the once. You know Dad wasn't impressed. Told me that I was making a fool of myself with that silly tart".

"At last I agree with your Dad about something!". Aaron had still not forgiven Nicola for the scam she'd pulled. When she and Robert had schemed to get Robert's Home James shares back she had switched the paperwork Robert had prepared for new paperwork of her own. When Graham Foster had been tricked into signing the transfer form it had lead to her and Jimmy getting the shares instead. Robert once more had been left with nothing. Aaron had fumed. It was Robert who had made the haulage company a successfully business and he had nothing to show for it. Aaron had still not worked out why Robert had carried on working there, he should have told them to stuff their job, let the company sink without him.

Aaron continued "According to village folk law after Nicola there was an succession of girlfriends, and should the gossip be believed you cheated on all of them. Why? Why couldn't you be happy with what you had, you've proven to me since we got back together that you can be faithful why couldn't you be back then?".

"I was a screwed up kid. Things between me and my Dad weren't great, I guess I was looking to find something that made the pain go away. Looking for the love I felt that I didn't have anymore, the love I craved from my Dad. You know what its like when you first fall in love, the intensity of how you feel, I became addicted to it, it make me feel good for a while. Then things settled down and normalcy took over and I felt empty again, so I looked for the next fix. Looking back I know how pathetic I was, I'm not proud of the way I behaved, I hurt people over and over again. I wish I had been a better person. If anything all the cheating made things worst with my Dad, he was ashamed of my behaviour, I could see the disappointment in his eyes. The more disappointed in me he was the worst I felt. I lost all hope that he would ever love me again, he thought so little of me. Eventually I stopped caring how I behaved, whatever I did Dad always saw the worst in me, he stopped believing that there was any good left in me. Andy didn't help, he'd stir things up, I know he lied to Dad about things I was meant to have done and Dad always believed him. In the end I became the terrible person everybody thought I was, I was selfish and cruel, I didn't give a damn who I hurt, I'd lie and twist everything. I was hell-bent on self destruction and I succeeded. By the time Dad banished me there wasn't a single person who gave a damn about me, everybody hated me but not a much as I hated myself".

Aaron understood his husband's pain, in different ways both their childhoods had caused them permanent damage, left them scarred for life. He had know that Robert's childhood hadn't been great at times but until today now that Robert had finally opened up he hadn't realised just how bad things had been. It was only when he went to rub his eyes that it realised he had been crying. Robert pulled him into his arms. They clung to each other. It was the place that Aaron loved best, safe in his husband's arms. Aaron truly understood for the first time how Robert had always found a way to make him feel better even through the worst times. It came from his own experiences, he knew what he had needed to make his own pain go away and treated Aaron accordingly. He vowed to himself that he would always be there for Robert, he would never let him feel alone again. He would spend the rest of his life loving Robert the way he deserved, to treat him with kindness, caring for him they way he cared for his family, him, Liv and Seb even the dog although he knew Robert refused to admit how much he loved him to.

There was a knock on the door. Aaron moved from the bed and sat on the chair. A distinguished looking man came into the room. He introduced himself as Patrick Shawcross, said that he would be during the operation the next day. Aaron took an instance liking to him. He talked them both through what would happen the next day and whilst Aaron was still scared somehow Mr Shawcross made it seem less frightening. His calmness and matter of fact manner made Aaron feel at ease, that there could be a happy ending after all, that all his doom and gloom had just been him thinking to much. He finished up by telling Aaron that he should say his goodbyes. Ten more minutes and then he should go and let Robert rest.

Aaron was disappointed "I was hoping to stay with you until tomorrow, but I guess that's not a option now. I got the impression he will have me kicked out"

"I think he will to".

"I don't want to leave you alone".

"I'll be fine. I'm tired now, I can barely keep my eyes open. I want you to go home, I want you to be there for our little boy. You know how he gets when neither of us is there to put him to bed, how anxious he gets. He needs daddy Aaron to give him lots of hugs, so he feels he is safe and loved".

"Your so soft, you know that!"

"Only with people I love"

"You love me then?".

Robert looked nonchalant "Sometimes".

Aaron laughed. "Well I love you, I think your amazing. I feel so lucky to have you. You've transformed my life, I never imaged that I would ever be loved the way you love me. You helped me become the person I am, given me the confident and strength to face the past and move on, to find peace. I never thought I could be so happy".

Robert smiled back at Aaron. "Well you make me happy too. You know that you are the love of my life. Nobody has ever come close and never will, I will love you until the last breathe leaves my body".

Aaron laughed again. "When did the pair of us get so soppy?".

"That love for you, robs you of your senses".

"I wouldn't want it any other way".

"I think you should be going now before the heavies come and kick you out".

"There's still so much stuff I want to talk to you about, now I finally got you to talk I want to know everything". 

"I thought you would. We can talk some more later".

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes, now shut up you idiot and kiss me before you go home".

Robert had dozed off when his phone bleeped. He woke up and saw that he had a message. He reached for the phone. Aaron had sent him a picture of himself, Liv, Seb and that blasted dog. Lots of love see you tomorrow xxx. Robert smiled, he loved them all so much. Back when he had been a teenager he had never dreamt in his wildest dreams that he would ever be blessed with this kind of love. He closed his eyes again and went to sleep, despite his fears for tomorrow he felt a sense of peace knowing that he was finally truly loved.


	5. Aaron visits Robert in Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron visits Robert in hospital and overhears a conversation that gets him wondering about Robert's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter opens up further reveals about Robert's past. 
> 
> A major Character who played an important part in Robert's life in revealed but only in brief detail. He will come across as obnoxious at first.
> 
> Mention of an serious injury is revealed that will lead to further discoveries in the next chapter.

The day of the operation had been one of the longest days of Aaron life. He had sat in the waiting area for over 6 long interminable hours. He had driven his Mother and Paddy mad with his constant fidgeting and pacing. In the end Chas had shouted at him to keep still, he was doing her head in. Aaron had snapped back at her and told her to go home if she didn't like it, he hadn't asked her to come. Chas had been ready to snap back, her nerves were on edge as well but Paddy had intervened like he always did to calm them both down. Aaron reflected how different things were now. It could remember a time when his mother and Paddy wouldn't have given a damn about Robert being serious ill, it all likelihood they would have wished him six feet under, now they were rooting for him to pull through to. 

Eventually after what had seemed an eternity Patrick Shawcross the surgeon who had operated on Robert came through the waiting room doors. Aaron stood up and walked towards him desperate to hear how the operation had gone. He had been going through every scenario since the operation began, one minute thinking that everything would be ok and then imaging the worst. To his intense relief Patrick started to smile as soon as he saw Aaron. The operation had been a success. Patrick had stated that he had managed to safely remove all the tumour so Robert wouldn't have to have after radiotherapy after all. 

Aaron had felt an overwhelming relief. He knew that Robert still had a long way to go but at least the first hurdle was over. After a week of uncertainty he felt hope once more that he wouldn't lose his husband. That they still had a future together.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>

It was now three days since the operation. Aaron really hoped that Robert would be feeling better today. To say that Robert had been a lousy patient so far was a massive understatement. For the first few days he had been exhausted, the medication they were giving him to prevent seizures coupled with the after effects of the anesthetics had made him nauseous, the tablets to prevent the nausea hadn't really worked plus he had been getting severe headaches. All of which hadn't made him the least bit sociable! Aaron had gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to snap back knowing that his husband understandable wasn't going to be at his best, he knew how much he hated not being well and in control. 

As Aaron walked along the last corridor to Robert's room he could hear Patrick Shawcross talking to what sounded like a right toff. Aaron was just about to approach them when he stopped in his tracks, he stayed put hiding from view. The toff had just said something that he realised was about him.

"I just don't understand what Robert sees in that ill-bred, illiterate low life thug. He's beyond the pale and if he wasn't bad enough on his own there is also that appalling family of his they are to ghastly for words".

Aaron began to seethe, he was aware that some of Robert's friends hadn't been thrilled about their relationship and subsequent marriage. He was just about to approach the toff and give him a mouth full in return when he heard Patrick's reply.

"Actually you might be pleasantly surprised if you met him. Having seem them together I am beginning to understand now why Robert was adamant that he wasn't going to give him up".

"I have no intention of meeting him, I've made that quite clear and I think you'll find that the rest of Robert's friends think the same., Despite out best efforts to dissuade him he totally ignored our advice and went ahead with the wedding. I just don't understand what possessed him. Robert is a highly intelligent, cultured man he should be with someone who is his equal".

Patrick was starting to get annoyed with Jeremy. Whilst he liked his friend enormously he felt that he was being unfair. He'd got to know Aaron a little over the last few days and instinctively he had realised that Aaron was a better person than he had been lead to believe. "In some ways you are right. Aaron isn't clever like Robert but then to be fair there are very few people who could even come close to matching him but he is not stupid either. As for his past I honestly believe having met him that he is not that person anymore, people can change you know. But the most important thing I've noticed which you should take note of is that Robert is happy Jeremy, truly happy. If you care about Robert as much as you say you do then you should be glad for him, glad that he's finally managed to rebuild his life. You know first hand what he's been through, the heartache he's endured. I do appreciate why you have your concerns but I honestly believe from what I have witnessed first hand that they are a good match, there is a deep and genuine love between them".

"Really!".

"Yes really".

"Well I'm still not.........

Aaron noticed that the sound of their voices was gradually decreasing, he was struggling to hear the rest of their conversation. He surmised that they must be walking away. He waited a little longer until he was sure they had gone and then made his way to Robert's room.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron entered Robert's room. For the first time since the operation Robert was dressed and sitting on the bed. Thankfully Robert was also looking better and more alert. At least he might finally get some civil conversation with his husband. The last thing he needed after what he had overheard was having to put up with his husband being a dick as well. His head was spinning. A part of him was livid at the way that toff had dished him and his family but Patrick saying what he did had meant more than he could put into words, it had bought tears to his eyes, he wasn't used to people like him standing his ground. His curiosity was also in overdrive. the snippets he had overheard intrigued him, it was obvious from what he'd heard that his husband hadn't told him everything about his past life when he had been away from Emmerdale.

He went over to Robert and gently kissed him on the forehead. He sat down, pulling the chair as close to the bed as he could. Over the last few days of sleeping alone it had bought home to him just how empty his life would be without Robert, the flat had echoed with his husband's presence, haunting him. The intensity of this loneliness had shook him to the core. He has craved his husband's touch, longed to feel his husband's strong arms around him, holding him close, making him feel safe and loved. In the past it would have terrified him to love someone this much but he trusted Robert with all his heart knew the older man would protect him with his life. He reached out and took hold of one of Robert's hands, holding it tight,

Robert glanced at his husband, he could tell instantly that Aaron was in a strange mood, that something was bothering him. He decided it was best to tackle whatever was troubling Aaron head on. "What's wrong?".

"What do you mean?".

"I know you. I can tell when something isn't right. You were scowling when you can in. Your face looked like thunder".

Aaron debated what to say to Robert, whilst his initial instincts had been spot on, Robert definitely seemed better, he decided he probably wasn't up to him ranting on about that toffee nosed git and what he had said and then him following it up by relentlessly quizzing him about what Patrick had said in reply. After an internal battle with himself Aaron reluctantly decided to curtail his curiosity until Robert left hospital and move on to safer areas of conversation. Patrick had specifically told Aaron that Robert needed rest and calm.

Aaron decided that a white lie was therefore in order. "I just had a lousy drive in, traffic jam after traffic jam, and then it was a nightmare trying to find a parking space, just as I found a space this women cut me up and took the spot. Plus I've missed you as well I'm getting fed up with cooking my own tea".

Robert smiled to himself Aaron wasn't a natural when it came to talking about his feelings, his love you's were infrequent, each one a moment to savour, but he knew deep down how much his husband loved him, he'd didn't need to hear words all the time. The fact that Aaron admitted to missing him was a big admission in itself. "Well you are here now that's all that matters so you can relax. I spoke to Patrick this morning and he's happy with my progress, another few days all being well and I should be able to go home".

"Really, it just seems so soon I thought they would be keeping you in for ages?".

"It normally about a week for this kind of op, so I'm half way there. I finally feel like I'm getting better. I've stopped feeling like I want to vomit every 5 minutes and the headaches are not so severe. I'm still shaky on my feet though. You never know since I feel more like myself I might even be pleasant company again".

"I'll believe it when it happens, you been a right mardy git".

Robert gave Aaron a quizzical look. His husband words had a slight edge to them. "Are you sure it just the traffic that's upset you?".

Aaron cursed himself, so much for keeping calm, Robert always picked up on his moods, he took a deep breath trying to compose himself. "I'm sorry, still wind up about the journey in. Sorry if I sounded grumpy I must of woken up on the wrong side of bed. Can we start again?".

Robert smiled reassuringly at this husband, he knew when Aaron was in a mood it was best to tread carefully at first gradually waiting until he snapped out of it. "Deal. So how is everyone?".

"Seb is fine but missing his Dad, I don't think my cooking is up to his exalted standards. He keeps turning his nose up. Last night's dinner ended up on the floor. Liv is wondering how much longer you are going to be in hospital as all her college work is stacking up and she needs your help, apparently I'm to thick to be of any assistance. Diane, Vic and Bernice send their love, they had wanted to come today but I told them to wait until tomorrow, I wasn't sure if you could hack them just yet bearing in mind how rough you've been feeling and Mum and Paddy are coming later tonight so you can catch up with them then. Oh and Freddie is keeping a vigil by the door, awaiting your return, he's missing you like mad, Liv, Seb and me apparently are poor substitutes for his lord and master".

After several months of not so subtle hints Robert had eventually caved in and agreed that they could get a Dog earlier in the year. The only proviso was that he got the final say on what dog they ended up with. He had carried out meticulously research as to what the best dog was for a small child, no way was he putting Seb in harms way getting a snappy mutt. He finally got down to a shortlist (he'd bored Aaron and Liv rigid with discussing the merits of each dog) before Paddy intervened and cocked things up. Paddy had mentioned to Aaron and Liv in the Pub that there was a puppy that needed to be re-homed. To Robert's disgust he had got back from a meeting one day and found a Cockapoo puppy in the flat or as he put it a glorified designer poodle. Despite his protests that the dog wasn't suitable Aaron, Liv and Seb (who Robert had protested was to young to decide) outvoted him and the dog stayed. At least Robert had had the satisfaction of being proved right even it he was the one as he had predicted who had ended up dealing with all the down to earth practicalities. The cuddly honey coloured teddy bear had been more demanding than any child imaginable, energy levels through the roof, craving constant attention, he'd been like a wrecking ball creating chaos around their home. 

Robert noticed the tinge of jealously in Aaron's voice. He had to admit that he enjoyed the irony that he was the dog's favourite. Despite being lavished with love and affection by Aaron and Liv it was him the dog always gravitated to. "So are you taking care of Freddie, making sure he gets plenty of exercise?".

Aaron gritted his teeth once more "Yes, the little angel is getting plenty of walks, Uncle Zak has been taking him out with Monty, although that doesn't seemed to have calmed him down, he shredded one of my hoodies the other day, there were bits all over the floor, it was a right mess".

Robert laughed.

"It not funny you know it was one of my favourites".

"One of your favourite black ones that look identical to every other black hoodie in your wardrobe?".

Aaron shook his head and smiled. He had missed this banter, it warmed his heart at the normalcy of it all. "I'm glad you find it funny, I bet you put him up to it to get your own back, prove you were right".

"Right about what?".

Aaron gave him his look "You know".

Robert laughed again.

Aaron avoided looking at him, refusing to acknowledge what he knew would be his smug I told you so grin, he focused on all the cards sent by family and friends, he had joked with Robert about them asking him when he had become so popular, it was then that he spotted what looked like a very expensive box of chocolates on the table. He was sure that they hadn't there last night. Aaron wondered where they had come from when his instincts kicked in and he realised they must have been a gift from that stuck up git he heard talking about him earlier.

Despite his earlier good intentions not to bombard Robert with questions his curiosity got the better of him. He deliberately made his voice soft and jokey, knowing that Robert would pick up on any edge. "You got a secret admirer?".

"What".

"The chocolates, they look pretty expensive".

"They are and I haven't".

Aaron made himself laugh. "Are you sure I don't have anything to worry about?".

"No".

"Really?".

"Really. You fishing for compliments?".

"I wouldn't say no if your offering"

Robert laughed again. "When did you become such a soft lad?".

"Must be the company I keep".

Robert was serious for a moment. "Your my world you know that, You, Seb and Liv. I never dreamt that I would ever have the happiness I have now. I love you so much, your always on my mind, I think about you all the time. I don't feel alone anymore, with you by my side I can cope with whatever life throws at me. I wouldn't have got through this without you".

Aaron could feel the tears welling up in this eyes. He would never tire of Robert telling him how much he was loved. He marvelled at how this man had changed his life. In the early days not even in his wildest dreams had he imaged that he would ever be so happy, that this man would be his, would love him more than he knew it was possible to be loved, had ever been loved before.

Aaron smiled at Robert, the love radiating from him. "Nice try deflecting me about who bought you chocolates".

"Their from a client of mine. He's one of the people I do the ad-hoc projects for".

"Must be worth a few bob to buy chocolates like that".

Before Aaron could stop himself memories of Lawrence's infatuation with Robert flared up in his mind and he said what he was thinking out loud, he cursed himself he had been doing it to much lately. "He's not some dirty old man is he that fancies his chances with you, thinking he can woo you with expensive gifts?".

Robert was stung by Aaron's comments. he gave his husband a penetrating glare, how the hell had the conversation turned so rapidly, one minute everything had been more than fine and then this. He tried to fathom out what was going on in Aaron's mind, his moods were all over the place today. He decided to tread carefully, he needed to placate Aaron back to a more reasonable frame of mind. 

"The man who bought the chocolates is called Jeremy Bamforth. I occasionally do some project work for him via a friend of mine's company. We have a strictly professional working relationship. That's it. Even if he did want more which he doesn't he would be wasting his time". 

Aaron having overheard the conversation early was not convinced with Robert's answer. "So he's not one of your skeletons then?".

Robert noticed that there was a distinct edge to Aaron's voice now, something was really bothering him, he was definitely in a volatile mood. He debated what to say to appease his husband without having to tell him more than he wanted to. A part of him was also getting angry with the insinuations. "Look I've known Jeremy for several years now, I've done a lot of projects for him via my friend's company as I just said and we've built up a rapport. We are on friendly terms. But that's it. There's never been anything more between us. Contrary to what you and everybody else think I don't sleep around with anything that has a pulse even if they are rich!".

Aaron realised that they were rapidly heading for a full scale row. He had strayed into territory that he knew could prove dangerous. He knew from conversations that he had had with Robert that his husband still felt bitter about some of the things Diane and Vic had said to him about his relationship with Chrissie. When he had returned to the Village they had laughed about how well he had done for himself landing a rich older woman. Robert on the outside had pretended it was ok but deep down he hadn't seen the joke. He had once remarked to Aaron why hadn't they called him a gold digging whore outright because that's what they had been insinuating before bitterly adding that everybody else in the village had thought the same so why the hell should he expect his family to think any differently. God forbid they should think well of him. Aaron had been taken aback by Robert's bitterness. He had to admit that he hated the way Diane and Vic talked to Robert at times. He often wondered why Robert didn't turn round and tell them a few home truths in return but he never did, he seemed to absorb all their putdowns without defending himself letting them say what they liked. Vic in particular had a nasty mouth on her at times, he hadn't forgotten the way she had talked to Robert when the truth had come out that it was Moira who had killed Emma not Adam. She lashed out at Robert even though he hadn't known anything. He still brooded about Vic telling Robert to think twice before marrying somebody like him. She'd been a right bitch to Robert on several occasions since. When her brother had tried to help her when she had gone of the rails after the reveal she had been really spiteful throwing his kindness and concern back in his face. Robert had been really hurt when she had lashed out at him after he had tried to protect her from a disastrous date, she had told him to his face that he had slept with people for money so he was the last person who should judge her. Aaron had to admit the he hadn't thought the same about Vic after that, he found it had to believe that they had once been close friends.

Aaron tried his best to soothe things. "Look I didn't mean anything by it. I'm not doing very well with my words at the moment, I'm tired, I can't sleep and its making me say idiotic things, I'm sorry. It's just that I get curious sometimes. I know that you have told me about some of your friends, that you met up and talk to them from time to time and I was just wondering if he was one of them. He obviously must care about you if he came to see you and bought you a gift".

"Well he was in the area on business so he dropped in. I wasn't expecting him. We had a quick chat before he had to leave for a meeting. Honestly there's nothing for you to get worried about, I know that I've not been great in the past, a part of me understands why you might think the worst at times but I not that person anymore Aaron, I've changed. It's you that I want you idiot nobody else comes close".

Robert could see that Aaron was struggling with his emotions he looked sympathetically at him before continuing. "I'm really sorry that you have been having a tough time. I know I'm the one's that been ill and I have several months of convalescing to come but in some ways I think things are harder for you. You had the shock of dealing with me being ill, then the worry about the operation. On top of that you have had to take care of everything on your own without my help. I bet Seb's run you ragged, he's at that age where he's on the go non stop. I can understand why your tired and stressed. But things will get better, I'll be home soon. I know I won't be much practical use but I'll be there for you".

Aaron smiled at Robert. His husband always knew what he needed to hear. He moved from the chair and sat on the bed. He gently pulled Robert into his arms, holding him tight, enjoying the feel of his husband's body next to his, feeling safe and secure when his husband's arms wrapped around him in return. He gently moved back from their embrace so he could look at Robert. His heart soared when he saw the love radiating from Robert's eyes. Aaron's smiled deepen. He loved this man so much. He moved closer again and tenderly kissed his husband on the lips, savouring the intimacy. 

They held each other for a long time, neither feeling the need to talk anymore. Aaron eventually broke away. As much as he hated to leave Aaron knew from past visits that Robert tired easily, he had noticed the growing fatigue in his husband's eyes. After one last lingering kiss he left his husband to sleep promising to come back later. Robert had made it pretty clear he didn't want to be left to deal with the in-laws on his own.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

As Aaron left Robert's room he saw Patrick Shawcross. The surgeon came across to say hello, asked him how his visit had gone.

Aaron was glad that he had bumped into Patrick, he had wanted to talk to him privately for days. He asked whether Patrick had time for a chat and was relieved to hear he did.

Aaron sat in Patrick office debating how to frame his words. He hadn't told Robert but one of the reason's he couldn't sleep was because he had been racking his brain trying to work out why Robert had got the tumour, he had a theory which haunted him.

Aaron decided to just say what had been worrying him. "I was wondering what it was that had caused Robert to get the tumour. I looked online but I can't see how he fitted into the different categories of why people could get them".

"Robert getting the brain tumour was just bad luck, it was one of those unfortunate things that just happen. Sometimes you have to accept that there will never be a logical explanation".

Aaron took a deep breathe, he didn't want Patrick to think badly of him but there was something he had to know to put his mind at rest. "I've listened to what you just said but I can't stop thinking it was still my fault. A few years ago Robert and I went through a difficult time, I lost my temper with him and I attacked him. Robert fell backwards. His head hit the ground, hard. I can't help thinking that it was the impact that caused the tumour to grow".

Patrick reflected on what Aaron had said, he could see that the young man was in turmoil. "You are not to blame. I can understand why you would think this way, it seems logical to expect that a severe blow to the head could result in a tumour later on in life but there is no medical evidence that backs this theory up. There has been extensive research that hasn't proved that there is any connection between physical trauma to the brain and the development of brain tumours".

Aaron let out a sigh of relief. "You are positive about this, I know of another occasion when Robert was hurt, when he told me that he had suffered repeated blow to his head".

Patrick was surprised that Robert had mentioned this to Aaron, he was under the impression that Robert had no intention of talking about what had happened years ago, but since he obviously had mentioned it he decided to answer Aaron's question. "I can assure you that Robert's previous injuries have nothing to do with the brain tumour developing. The fractured skull he suffered in his late teens was not responsible for causing the tumour for the reasons I have just mentioned".

Aaron was stunned, he had been thinking about the time Lawrence had brutally attacked Robert in late 2017 when he had uncovered Robert's deceit in pretending to have feeling for him and the scam he had attempted to pull to take over Home Farm. Robert had never mentioned anything about a fractured skull. He realised that Patrick was looking at him, waiting for him to reply, he tried as best he could be hide his shock at this latest revelation. 

"Thanks for putting my mind at rest. I would never have been able to forgive myself it had been my fault, I been thinking the worst since I found out Robert was ill. I know that what I just told you doesn't make me look good but I was a different person back then. I'm not that person anymore I would never hurt Robert again".

"I know".

Aaron couldn't articulate why but for some reason it meant a lot to him that his man thought well of him. It was a surprise to him, Patrick was someone from the type of background that he despised. The rich over privileged class that he believed had everything handed to them on a plate due to birth. Robert had remarked on more than one occasion that he was as inverted snob but then unlike him Robert seemed at ease with these kind of people. He had put in down to his time with the Whites but after what he had heard this morning he was beginning to think that he needed to reassess his stance. "Thanks, I appreciate that and everything that you've done for Robert as well. I know its your job but you've been brilliant. We've both really grateful".

"That kind of you to say"

Aaron and Patrick continued to talk further, touching on Robert's progress to date and likely discharge date before Aaron worrying about whether he was outstaying his welcome decided to say his goodbyes and left. He really had taken a liking to Patrick, not just because he had stood up for him which had touched him deeply, but there was sometime about him that was kind and reassuring. It came to him in a flash that it was because he reminded him of Robert, he had the same calm demeanour, the ability to look at things in a logical manner, to make things seem better.

As he made his way to the car park he reflected on what he had learnt today. His head was spinning. He had so many questions going through his mind. How on earth had Robert ended up with a fractured skull. He knew that he would have to wait until tomorrow to get answers, he just hoped that Robert would answer them.


	6. Aaron learns more about Robert's past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter delves into how Robert ended up with a fractured skull.
> 
> It also throws up more details about his past. 
> 
> This has been the longest and most difficult chapter to write so far, there is a lot of angst and heartbreak.

Aaron rubbed at his eyes, they felt gritty. Despite being exhausted he had found sleep difficult to come by. He had kept going over yesterday's revelations trying to make sense of what he had heard. His curiosity had gone into overdrive. What had made it worst was that he had had to curtail his impatience. With his mum and Paddy visiting Robert with him last night he hadn't managed to get any privacy to discuss what was on his mind.

He checked his watch, he had time to get a coffee at the cafe before he set off to visit Robert. He was desperately in need of a caffeine fix to kick start his day.

As Aaron entered the cafe he saw Diane there. After he got his coffee he went over and sat next to her. 

Diane took one look at Aaron, he looked worn out dark rings under his eyes. "You look like you've not slept in ages lad, you need to get some rest or you'll end up in hospital yourself".

Aaron smiled ruefully. "I had a restless night. I'm hoping the coffee will wake me up".

"You of to visit Robert soon?".

"In about half a hour".

"How is he doing pet, do you think he'll be up for a visit later on this evening. Vic and me had hoped to have been able to see again by now".

"According to the Doctors he's doing well considering the seriousness of the operation he's just had. If you can't get to see him tonight he should, all being well be home in the next few days. They're aiming to discharge him on Monday if there are no setbacks. I'll let you know if he's up for a visit after I've seen him this morning. I took Mum and Paddy with me last night to see him but he was exhausted when we got there. In the end we didn't stop long, he was struggling to keep his eyes open". 

"Well an operation like that is bound to have knocked him for six, happens it will be a while before he's like his old self against. Vic was looking on the internet about side effects of the operation and tiredness is listed as one of the major ones".

"Actually now you are here there is something that I want to pick your brains about. Yesterday the surgeon told me that Robert suffered a fractured skull in his late teens. I wonder if you know anything about it, how it happened. I don't recall anybody saying he had been badly hurt in that way when he was in the Village, I thought maybe it must have happened after he left".

Diane was taken aback by Aaron's question. She wasn't sure what to say in reply. 

Diane recalled what had happened, it had caused at lot of heartache at the time. A few weeks after Robert had left the Village Jack had had a visit from the police concerning his son. From what she remembered the police had told Jack Robert had been involved in a serious car accident and was badly hurt. Jack had been concerned at first, despite everything that had kicked off she knew that deep down he still loved his son. It was when the Police went into detail that things had changed. Jack had been devastated when they told him that Robert had been drunk at the time of the accident which had lead to him losing control of his car and careering into an oncoming vehicle. Tragically a couple and their two young children had been killed as a result. Diane remembered that Jack had been beside himself, said it was his fault, he was to blame, if he made Robert suffer the consequences of his actions when Max had died those four innocent people would have been alive. For Jack it had been the final straw. Whatever qualms he'd had about kicking Robert out were dispelled. Jack had spent hours agonising where he had gone wrong. In the end he'd come to the conclusion that Robert was just rotten to the core, he had felt sickened to his very soul that Robert was his flesh and blood. Diane had tried to persuade Jack to go and see Robert, but he refused point blank, he said that he never wanted to lay eyes on his son again, that he was dead to him.

Diane debated what to say, in the end she decided that it wasn't her place to say anything. It was up to Robert to tell Aaron what he'd done. 

"I think that's something you need to speak to Robert about".

"But you know?".

"I sorry pet but its not my place to say. Talk to Robert".

Aaron was beginning to wonder what the hell had happened all those years ago. Diane was definitely being evasive, she knew damned well what had happened she just didn't want to tell him. He took his leave of her and started on his journey to the hospital. He could feel a knot developing in his stomach, he was worried now about what had occurred, if he had read Diane right it hadn't been good.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron entered Robert's room and sat down. He was dreading the conversation that he was going to insist they have. The knot in his stomach had got worse the closer he had got to the hospital. He just knew deep down that Robert must have done something bad by the way Diane had reacted to his enquiry.

Aaron looked at Robert, he'd wanted to know the truth but a part of him didn't. He dreaded what the answer would be. In the end he decided the best way to deal with his worries were head on. "I need to talk to you. Its important and I need you to tell me the truth".

Robert was startled by his husband's words, he looked at him closely trying to gauge his mood, what the hell had gotten into him. He had hoped that after yesterday they could just have a normal day, chat about trivia but his husband had just brutally dispelled that hope.

"That wasn't the greeting I was expecting to hear, what's gotten into you now?".

"I found out last night that you suffered a fractured skull in your late teens. I know it didn't happen when you were in Emmerdale, someone would have said, so it must have been after your dad kicked you out. I bumped into Diane this morning and I asked her if she knew what had happened but she refused to tell me, said I should speak to you".

Robert was aghast. How the hell had Aaron found out about his skull being fractured when he was 19. The last thing he wanted to talk about was what had happened all those years ago. He had purposefully blanked out that time of his life. The memories were to painfully.

"Who told you I had a fractured skull?".

"Does it matter if its the truth?".

"Look it was a long time ago and I don't want to talk about it".

"Well I do. What did you do Robert?".

"What do you mean, what did I do!"

"Diane would not have been so secretive if you hadn't done anything wrong. So I'm asking you again what did you do!".

"This is so typically Emmerdale. You don't know what happened yet you are assuming the worst of me. I thought you at least were better than that. I thought you at least would have had the decency to hear me out first, give me chance to explain before you condemned me out of hand".

"Then tell me what happened".

"I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. OK. Can we leave it at that".

"No Robert we can't. You promised me no more secrets".

"I know, but it was a really bad time for me Aaron I don't want to bring the memories back. I've spent years trying to forget what happened".

"Just tell me please".

"Does it really means that much to you?".

"It does".

Robert took a deep breathe trying to compose himself. He was hurt by Aaron's belief that he had done something wrong, he wondered if he would ever be free of what he bitterly called the Emmerdale curse, the place where people always thought the worst of him, the place where he would forever be Jack Sugden's ugly little duckling, the son that not even a father could love. Robert braced himself, he was dreading raking up the past. "I need to go back to when my dad made me leave Emmerdale. A few days before he kicked me out my Dad had a chat with me, told me that I should leave, I'd outstayed my welcome nobody wanted me around anymore. It hurt, it hurt so much that my own Dad told me that he didn't want me anymore. I known for a long time that I was a disappointment to him, I'd felt that I was losing his love. All he cared about was Andy, Vic and Diane. I felt at times that I was invisible. I blamed Andy, I blamed him for taking my father way from me so I decided to take something he loved away from him, make him hurt the way I was hurting".

"Is this when you wanted Debbie to leave with you and bring Sarah with her?".

"Yes. It wasn't my finest hour. My feud with Andy had spiralled out of control. It all ended in tragedy. Max King ended up dying. My Dad held me responsible. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I left the Village or he would tell the Police what happened and I would end up in Prison".

"But what about Andy's part in what happened. From what I heard he wasn't totally blameless. Why would he see you punished for your part in what happened and not Andy. How could he not protect you when in the past he had protected Andy for doing so much worse or did he conveniently forget that Andy burnt your mum to death and shot him. Your Dad was such a hypocrite. ".

"He loved Andy. He always forgave him for everything he did. He didn't love me anymore. He made it clear that he wanted rid of me and I had just given him the perfect excuse he needed to finally be free of me. He told me that he would get Andy to tell the police that he had swerved to avoid sheep if I left, say what happened was a tragic accident. Before I left I asked my Dad why he hated me so much, He said he didn't. I never believed him".

Robert paused for a moment, the memories swirling in his mind. "I talked to Andy about that day before he left 3 years ago after the Whites had set him up for shooting Lawrence. I told him that underneath all the hatred I had felt for him over the years I had loved him to. That's why when he came down to it I couldn't hurt him, why I swerved out of the way. Andy told me he would have driven straight into me, that he would have killed me that day, it had been Max who had stopped him by grabbing the wheel".

"So he was the son your Dad preferred!".

"Yes, I think he always was. I lost. The cuckoo finally took over the nest. In a way it was a relief. I was finally put out of my misery. It has eaten me up inside seeing the way Dad was with him, how much he so obviously loved him. I knew deep down that there was nothing I could have done to make him love me like that. It hurt before than I could bear".

Robert stopped. He hadn't realised that he had been crying until he felt the tears fall down his cheeks, He wiped them away before he continued. "In the end I did what my Dad asked, I got in my car and drove away. He made it pretty clear that I was never to come back. I never imaged that 9 years later I would return. When he told me to leave I swore to myself then that I would never step foot in the Village again". 

"Where did you go".

"I went to London to begin with. I only stayed a few days I just didn't feel conformable there, it wasn't what I imaged it would be like, back then I thought it was the loneliest place on earth. I hardly had any money so I didn't want to waste it on a hotel so I ended up sleeping in my car. After two nights I gave up and headed back to Yorkshire. I ended up in Leeds. I slept in my car again before I managed to find a bedsit I could afford. It was in a grotty part of town. It was rank, it was so cold and damp, I hated it but it was a roof over my head. I scanned the local papers for jobs and saw one going in a garage nearby. Luckily I managed to get the job so I eventually had some money coming in. It wasn't much but it was enough to pay the bills. Then life just settled down, I got into a routine. It was really tough being on my own, I had to grow up fast, I just had to muddle along as best I could".

"I'm so sorry Robert. I can't imagine what it must of been like, I hate the though of what you went thought. I know I couldn't have coped. If my family hadn't found me after Gordon threw me out I don't where I'd have been".

"I bought it on myself, if you had asked anybody in Emmerdale at the time they would have told you I got what I deserved. Nobody blamed my dad for kicking me out, the only thing that they wondered about was why he had put up with me for as long as he had. Good riddance to bad rubbish was the general consensus".

"So how did you get hurt, was it an accident at work?"

Robert tried to compose himself, this was the bit he was dreading. He'd buried the memories of what had happened for 14 years now and he was damned if he was going to relive them just to satisfy Aaron's curiosity. He knew what his husband was like, how he would pick away at things until he felt that he knew everything he wanted to know. The best way he thought he could get through this was to stick as closely to the truth as he could, he knew that he needed to be convincing. He wanted to put the subject to rest once and for all. Robert took a deep breathe and continued "One of the lads at work suggested that we should all go out for a drink after work one Friday night, it would have been about mid November. I didn't want to go but they twisted by arm, told me I should stop mopping about and enjoy myself.".

"Did they know what had happened then, about your Dad? ".

"Hell no. I lied to them. I made up this story that I was an orphan. Told them my mum had died when I was young which was the truth and that my Dad had raised me on his own until he had met this woman and remarried also true. This is the bit where I lied, I made out that I had had the stepmother from hell, that she had never liked me from the start, wanted my Dad all to herself. I told them that my Dad had died a few months ago and she had kicked me out. I said that I hadn't any family left in the area so I was on my own. I was to ashamed to tell them the truth, that my Dad hated my guts and had kicked me out".

"So this night out then, is this when it happened".

"Yes. We all went out and had a few drinks. It was ok. Eventually we went our separate ways. I walked to the bus stop on my own to catch a bus home. Before I got there these lads came walking past. They were drunk and looking for a fight. They gave me a right kicking. They really hurt me, mercifully I lost consciousness due to the pain and the next thing I knew I was waking up in hospital a month later".

"They must have given you a hell of a kicking to have fractured your skull".

"They did. Apart from the fractured skull, I had some broken bones, lacerations, internal bleeding. I was a right mess. If someone hadn't spotted me lying on the ground and called an ambulance I would have died. I didn't know it at the time because I was in a coma but it was touch and go at first whether I was going to survive".

Robert, I had no idea you went through all this. Why didn't you tell me?".

"It wasn't something that I have ever wanted to talk about. All I wanted to do then and what I want to do now is put it behind me, try and forget it happened. It was a really bad time, first my Dad threw me out and then I was almost beaten to death".

"What did your Dad say?".

"My Dad".

"Yes your Dad, he must of been told. Surely the police would have been involved. They would have found out who you were, tracked down your next of kin".

"They did".

"Well then"

"He didn't want to know".

"What do you mean, he didn't want to know. You were seriously hurt".

"My Dad didn't just throw me out Aaron. He disowned me to. He made it perfectly clear when I left that I wasn't ever going to be a part of his life again".

"But still after what happened surely he couldn't just ignore it, how could he not care. The police would have told him how badly hurt you were".

"Please can you just let it drop. He didn't care. ok, He didn't want to know.".

Robert started to cry again. The memories of the past were tearing him apart. Aaron had make him think about things that he had ruthless buried within the deepest recesses of his mind. The pain was unbearable".

Aaron went over to Robert, pulling him into his arms, comforting him as best he could. It torn at his heart to see Robert this way. He held him tight as the sobs racked his body. He felt useless. Robert was usually the strong one, the one that didn't allow himself to show when he was hurt and here he was now so broken. Aaron couldn't bear to see him this way. Mercifully Robert managed to compose himself, stop crying.

Aaron tentatively spoke, he didn't want to make things any worst than they already were, didn't want to hurt Robert again "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you like this".

"It's ok. Can we just not talk about it anymore, please?"

"Of course".

"Thank you.. I just......".

Robert started to cry again. Aaron despaired over what he had done. If he had known how much it was going to traumatise Robert talking about what had happened he would never have asked. 

When Robert had managed to get his emotions under control once more he told Aaron he didn't want to talk anymore. Robert closed his eyes willing himself to sleep so he could escape his memories. Aaron stayed for a little while longer before he realised that Robert wasn't going to wake up again anytime soon. He kissed Robert goodbye and left.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron arrived back at The Mill. He decided to drop in at the pub and persuade his Mum to fix him a late lunch. He was in turmoil about the conversation he had had with Robert earlier. It had broken his heart seeing his husband so upset. He hoped his Mum could cheer him up.

He had almost walked to the Pub when he bumped into Diane. She was the last person he wanted to see. 

"How did the visit go? 

Aaron grimaced. "It wasn't the best visit I've had. I think that you should postpone your visit tonight. Robert is struggling with headaches, he needs to rest".

"Did he tell you what happened".

"Yes, he did".

"So you know then, about the car accident?".

"What!"

"The car accident"

"What are you talking about?"

"The car accident that landed him in hospital"

"That's not what he said"

"Are"

"What do you mean are. Look there wasn't any car accident. Robert was assaulted by some drunk yobs".

"Is that what he told you".

"Yes he did. Are you saying that's not true, that Robert lied!".

"I'm afraid so Pet. It was a car accident, there were fatalities. It was Robert's fault, he was drunk".

"You can't be right. I know Robert wasn't lying, I just know he wasn't".

"I'm sorry pet but he was".

"NO!".

"Look I don't want to say this, but it needs to be said. Where Robert's concerned you are gullible, how many times has he's lied to you in the past, how many times have you wrongly believed him when he's spun you a yarn? What he did Aaron was terrible, it was unforgivable, he got in his car when he was drunk and caused a car accident that resulted in the death of 4 innocent people. Jack was distraught when the Police told him what had happened. He was so ashamed of having a son like Robert, all that lad ever did was hurt people, he just couldn't help himself it was in this DNA".

Aaron had had enough. He didn't know what to believe anymore. Robert had sounded so convincing this morning, it didn't seem conceivable that he had been lying. He turned his back on Diane, leaving her standing speechless in the street and walked away back to the Mill all thoughts of lunch forgotten. His head was spinning, he didn't know what to think anymore. What he did know was that he would have to speak to Robert again. He was dreading it.

........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 

Aaron made his way to the hospital for his evening visit with Robert. He was racked with indecision over what to do. He didn't want a repeat of this morning, he certainly didn't want to cause Robert anymore distress but he needed to get to the truth of what had happened, put the matter to rest once and for all. Deep down he wanted to believe Robert but Diane had got inside his head putting doubts in his mind. He had mulled over why Diane would have said what she did, what reason did she have to lie, he hadn't been able to find one.

Robert was awake when he got there. There was a wariness in his eyes. Aaron couldn't say that he blamed him. The last few visits had been emotional to say the least.

Aaron went over and sat down. He started to fidget, so ill at ease over what to do, whether to reopen their earlier discussion. In the end Robert made it easy for him by testily asking him what was wrong now.

Aaron took a deep breathe. "I spoke to Diane earlier. She wanted to know how the visit went. If you had told me what had happened all those years ago. I said you had. She then mentioned something about a car accident".

"A what?".

"A car accident. Diane told me that's how you ended up with a fractured skull".

Robert was getting angry now. "I told you what happened, why can't you just believe me for once. Why do you always do this, why is it so hard for you to accept what I say, why do you always believe everybody else first, think the worst of me. THERE WAS NO CAR ACCIDENT!"".

Aaron was starting to get defensive, Robert's words had stung. "Then why would she say it. Why would Diane lie to me".

"Right. I can see where this is going. You think I lied".

"NO! I don't. I just can't get my head round it. Diane was really specific about what your Dad told her had had happened, that you had been involved in a car accident".

"Your saying that it was my Dad who told her?".

"Yes why?".

Robert put his head in his hands, the anger draining from him. It all began to make sense now. He might have know that his Dad would never have told anybody the truth about what had happened. He laughed mirthlessly.

"Robert".

"My Dad lied to Diane".

"Why would he lie. I'm getting ready confused now".

Robert was immersed in bitterness.. "Because he would have been to ashamed to tell anybody the truth. To have to admit what kind of disgusting creature his son really was. The shame of it all that he the great Jack Sugden had fathered a filthy fa..."

Aaron interjected. "DON'T. Don't ever say that word. I will not have you talk about yourself like this, its demeaning, I thought you had got past this, feeling ashamed of being who you really are".

"I have. I'm sorry Aaron, It just what he thought of me. He was never the same with me after he caught me with that lad. I know I disgusted him, I could see it in his eyes".

"Then that was his bad not yours. If he had opened his eyes and truly looked he would have seen that he had this amazing son. It wasn't your fault he was to stupid to see beyond your sexuality, he was the adult, he should have done better, should have tried to help you. What I don't get though is why he would have lied, what possible reason did he have you'd been attacked by yobs, how would that have made him to ashamed to admit the truth?".

Aaron could see that Robert was starting to get emotional, he was struggling to keep his composure. He quickly got up and sat on the bed. He tenderly put one of his hands on Robert's face, caressing his cheek, trying to calm him. He lent forward and gently kissed Robert on the forehead, before resting his head against Robert's. He waited patiently until Robert was in control of his emotions before he sat back. He reached for both of Robert's hands and held them tight. He could see the indecision flicker on Robert's face, he waited silently wondering what Robert was going to say next. 

"I really sorry". 

"About what?".

"This morning, I didn't tell you the whole true, I told you what I thought I could get away with, just enough to satisfy your curiosity so you'd let the matter drop".

Aaron went still. He could feel his anger rising. He suppressed it, tried to remain calm. "I though we were past this. We agreed to be totally honest with each other. No more lies".

"I know. I sorry, I really am. But it wasn't all lies Aaron, I just changed things slightly because I couldn't bear to tell you everything, I didn't want to reopen old wounds".

Aaron felt his anger dissipating. "So what really happened. Can you tell me now?".

Robert took a deep breathe mentally preparing himself to relive that night.. He knew that Aaron had reached the point where he wouldn't be fobbed off with half truths anymore. The time had come to be totally honest.

"What I told you this morning was close to the truth. I did go out that night as I said but it wasn't a pub I went to. One of the lads I worked with at the garage was gay. The other lads used to tease him about it, there wasn't anything nasty in it, they really liked him and to be fair he gave them as good as he got. It was a different time back then when things weren't so PC. One of the things they used to tease him about was the clubs he went to at the weekend, so one day as a wind up he suggested that we went with him, told us that our straight asses hadn't lived until we had had a night out on Canal Street. So a date was fixed to go to Manchester. I wasn't going to go but they wouldn't take no for an answer".

"Why didn't you tell me that you went to Canal Street. That was nothing to be ashamed of".

"Please can you not interrupt, this is hard enough as it is. Just let me tell you what happened then you can ask questions".

"Ok".

"We went to several clubs. We all had a good time. I was stunned by what I saw. Everybody seemed so at ease with themselves, they were open about their sexuality, they weren't ashamed of who they were, it was a real eye opener for me, a revelation. As the night worn on the other lads gradually went and it was just me and the gay lad left. I said that I should be making tracks as well but he asked me to stay until a friend of his arrived, he didn't want to wait on his own. So I stayed with him until his friend arrived, they then went off to another club and I prepared to leave. Just as I was about to go this bloke sat down next to me, asked me if I wanted a drink. Before I realised what I was doing I said yes. Back then I was so lonely, in that moment I just wanted company, I wanted someone to make me feel better and to be fair he was good looking and he seemed nice. If I'm being totally honest I was curious to, wondered what it would be like to be with a man, I had suppressed all these feeling for years, now my Dad wasn't around anymore to disapprove I thought what the hell, why not. After a few drinks I started to get cold feet, said I had to go, that the last bus would be going soon and I needed to catch it or I would be stranded in Manchester.. He said that he would walk with me to the bus stop, I told him there was no need but he insisted, said he didn't want to say goodbye just yet so I let him, I didn't see the harm in it. We were almost at the bus stop when he stopped me in my tracks, I thought this is it he's going to kiss me, I remember closing my eyes. The next thing I felt was this terrible pain in my stomach, he'd punched me really hard. I was winded, I couldn't breathe. Before my brain could process what was happening two men came up from behind me, grabbed hold of me and dragged me into a nearby alleyway, with the other man I had met in the bar following them. They threw me to the ground and the 3 of them started kicking and stamping on me. The pain was unbearable, I was helpless, I just laid there as they hurt me. I could hear them shouting at me, calling me all the filthy names under the sun, it was then that I realised I had been targeted because they thought I was gay. Mercifully after a while I blacked out, lost consciousness. The rest is as I said this morning. I woke up a month later in hospital".

Aaron was devastated. "I don't know what to say, I so sorry".

"What is there to be say. I was a victim of a homophobic attack. The men that hurt me hated gays, they selected me because I was a representative of what they found abhorrent. The sick irony of it all was up to that point I had never slept with a man. I still regarded myself as straight. I believe that my Dad lied because he was to ashamed to admit what had really happened, that his son had been attacked after visiting a gay club, been the victim of gay bashing. That's why he didn't want to see me, because of where I'd been, what he thought I had been doing".

Aaron was appalled. "So he just abandoned you, left you all alone in hospital having to deal with everything that had happened?".

"Yes"

Aaron shook his head. "I can't even beginning to image how you coped".

Robert debated what to say. Now that he had finally told Aaron the truth he decided to carry on. "I didn't. I had a breakdown".

"What?".

"Shortly after I regained consciousness the Police came to interview me. I told them as much as I could. I only saw the one bloke who had chatted me up in the club, the other two had come from behind me, I never saw they faces. After I had finished answering their questions I asked them if they had told my family. Nobody had come to visit me. They couldn't look me in the eye. One of the police officer finally admitted that they had spoken to my Dad, apparently he had told them that we were estranged, that I wasn't his responsibility anymore. Bottom line was he'd all but told them he didn't give a damn about me anymore, I could rot in hell for all he cared.

Robert stopped, he was struggling to keep it together, this conversation was taking every last bit of the strength he had, it was tearing him apart. He battled his emotions once more and continued. "I was angry that he wasn't there. I couldn't understand how he could be so cruel, abandon me after what had happened. Looking back it was stupid of me but I just couldn't leave well alone, I needed answers so I got one of the nurses to fetch me a phone so I could call him. I barely managed to say hello before he took over the conversation. He made it pretty clear what he thought of me. He said that me being so badly hurt was karma, payback for all the horrible things I'd done, that I deserved it. He then started listing all my faults, I was poison, I ruined everything I touched, he pitied anybody stupid enough to care about me. He went on and on, in the end I stopped hearing him. After what had happened it was to much. I broke down. I retreated deep inside myself, blocked out everything and everybody.

Aaron sat in silence. Tears falling down his face. He had never imaged even for one moment that Robert had ever suffered so much. He pulled Robert into his arms, holding him tight. Giving Robert all the comfort he could.

After a while Aaron disengaged. He moved slightly back so he could look at Robert. "What happened next?".

"One of the police officers felt sorry for me, when my Dad refused to see me she decided to see if there was anybody else she could contact so I wouldn't be alone. She contacted the garage where I had worked and discovered that I had put my Gran down as next of kin. She called her, told her what had happened. Gran came over from Spain. I didn't know she was there at first, I had retreated into a world of my own. The nurses told me afterwards that she used to sit by my bedside talking to me. One day I started to hear her voice. She brought me back. Gran stayed with me whilst I was recovering from my injuries. It took several months. First my bones had to heal then I had to have physiotherapy to get my body to work again, all the muscles had wasted away whilst I had been lying in bed. As soon as I was well enough to leave hospital Gran took me back to Spain with her. She and Amos took care of me, helped me to come to terms with what had happened".

"How long were you there?".

"I stayed for over a year. Gran was amazing, she got me thought what happened by sheer willpower alone. She was adamant that I wasn't going to have my life ruined by what those men had done to me".

"So what did you do in Spain?"

"It was always a sore point with Gran that I had made a mess of my exams when I was 16 so he made me go back to school. Fortunately there was a English speaking school nearby. She made me resit the GCSE's I'd failed as well getting me on a fast track course to do my A levels in a year. She made sure I didn't have time to think and wallow in self pity. Whilst I was studying my A levels Gran decided to apply to Universities in England on my behalf. 

Aaron was taken aback. "You went to University?".

Robert nodded.

"I've always felt that you are a hell of a lot clever than people give you credit for but I never suspected that you went to university. All the gossip has it that you weren't that bright at school, played truant, flunked your exams. Diane mentioned it to me that you hadn't passed many exams when she was commiserating with me about Liz failing all her exams at the first attempt. What did you do your degree in ".

"Maths".

"Figures".

Robert groaned. "Seriously!".

Aaron grinned "Which University did you go to?"

"Durham".

"You Pass?".

Robert smirked. "You really have to ask!".

"Good pass was it then?".

Robert nodded. "Double first".

"Wow"

Aaron started to laugh. "How on earth did you find the patient to teach Liv GCSE maths. She must have driven you mad every time she got what must of been the simplest of sums wrong".

"It never bothered me. Besides I've had plenty of practice on how to combat my incredulity at her lack of comprehension at what I consider simple, I live with the worst mathematician I've ever know, you struggle to add 2 and 2 together".

"Hoy, I not that bad".

Robert laughed "If you say so. Anyway your sister is a good kid at heart, I just wanted to help her. All she needed was someone to give her the confidence, the self belief she needed to make her realise that she had the ability to pass, stop putting herself down".

"Your amazing you know that. I can't believe that after everything you've been through you've turned out the way you have. It would have destroyed most people, broken them beyond repair. I know I wouldn't have survived".

"You've a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've been to hell and back as well. I'm so proud of the man you've become, proud to spend my life with you. I think you've amazing to".

Aaron was overcome. All he could do was nod.

Robert reflected "I live with what happened to me everyday of my life, its not always been easy but I made a promise to my Gran that I wouldn't give in, I wouldn't allow what happened to ruin my life. I made a decision back then that I wouldn't let myself be a victim for the reminder of my life. Sometimes it's been really tough, so tough that at times I've just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, but there's a part of me that's stubborn, that makes it impossible for me to give in, failure isn't in my DNA. It would have meant that I had let those men win, allowed them to ruin my life. I choose to put what happened behind me, make a life for myself. I can honestly say that I am happy Aaron and a lot of that is down to you. I never imagined I would be loved the way you love me. It means more to me than I can convey into words. What we have is so special, I love you so much".

Aaron nodded, he wiped the tears from his eyes, then wiped his nose with his sleeve. He could see Robert shaking his head".

"What!"

"One day, if it's the last thing I do I'm going to get you to use a hanky, the last thing I need is for Seb to pick up on some of your less than savoury habits!".

They both laughed. Aaron lent forward until their foreheads touched.

They spoke at the same time "I love you Mr Sugden-Dingle first"

There was a knock on the door and one of the nurses came in. She reminded Aaron that visiting time was nearly over and he should think of leaving soon. 

Aaron grimaced. "Is she always so charming?".

Robert nodded.

"I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you. I want to hold you in my arms, make you feel as loved and safe as you make me feel. I don't want to leave you on your own".

"I'll be fine. It's been a difficult day, I'm exhausted. I don't think I be able to keep my eyes open for much longer anyway. I seem to be permanently tired at the moment"

"Thank you for telling me everything, I know it's been really tough, I can see now why you didn't tell me everything this morning, I don't blame you for not wanting to dig up all that stuff, but you know you can talk to me. I want to help you the way you've always helped me. Even when we weren't together you always had my back, were there for me. You don't always have to be strong Robert, it not a weakness to admit your hurting, that you need help and I want to help you in every way I can, I want to take care of you. I love you so much, you know that, your my life".

Robert was overcome with emotion. "Thank you, thank you so much, It means the world to me hearing you say what you just did".

"Your welcome, your always welcome".

"There is something that I need you to do for me. What I've just told you, I've never told anybody in Emmerdale. I don't want anyone to know. I couldn't bear it".

"Ok, I promise I won't say anything, but what about Diane, she should be put straight, it's about time she had a few home truth told to her about your Dad".

"No. You mustn't say anything. I don't want her hurt. Let her keep her memories".

"Is that what you really want?".

Robert nodded.

"Ok then, but it's not going to be easy. I don't like hearing people saying stuff about you that's not true".

"I didn't say it would be easy".

"Nothing with you ever is, good job it's the way I like it". 

Aaron sighed. "As much as I hate to I better go before Attila the Hun comes back".

"Ok. Drive carefully and get a good night sleep. You've look like you could do with one your definitely looking rough around the edges ".

Aaron shook his head. That was so typically Robert. He tenderly kissed his husband goodbye and left. 

As he made his way to the car park, Aaron pondered over everything he had learnt about Robert over the last few days. It was the first time in 5 years that his husband had really talked to him about his past, truly opened up. He reflected that in some ways despite knowing Robert so intimately in so many different ways there was still a part of his husband that was a complete stranger to him. He was sure that there were still things to learn but believed that now Robert had finally opened up to him it would be only be a matter of time before he discovered more. What he did know without doubt was that he loved his husband more than life itself.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert was laying awake. Even thought he was exhausted he was finding sleep hard to come by. Memories of the past haunted him, giving him no peace. There was a knock on the door and Patrick Shawcross came in.

"I know it's late but I just wanted to check on how you are. How did things go with Aaron?".

"We talked".

"I can not apologise enough for having put you in that position. It was appallingly unprofessional of me to have been so indiscreet about your past medical history. I am mortified. I know it is not an excuse but I genuinely thought you had told him about what had happen to you from the conversation I had with him".

"I understand, I don't blame you. Aaron has this knack of finding things out, you give him an inch. I know you didn't do it deliberately".

"That's extremely generous of you, thank you for being so decent about it all. Just for the record so I don't put my foot in it again did you tell him everything about that night?".

"Almost. There was one thing I missed out. I just couldn't find the words, I couldn't tell him what they did to me before they almost beat me to death. I wouldn't have been able to bear seeing him so upset, see the agony in his eyes. It would have made him remember everything that happened to him when he was a child, relive what his father did to him, it would have torn him apart. I didn't want him to see me as a victim, see the pity in his eyes. This is a secret that I intend to keep, he must never know".

"Is this a secret that you can bear to keep now?".

"I can. I've lived with what those men did to me for 14 year now. I can bury the memories once more".

"You look very tired I better let you get some rest. Thank you again for being so understanding. Goodnight".

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Patrick wasn't convinced that Robert was right but he respected his decision. He blamed himself for opening up this can of worms. He could tell that it had caused Robert enormous distress. 

Patrick reflected on what a remarkable young man Robert was. He had liked him from the moment they had first met. It had been at a dinner party Jeremy had given what must have been a least 7 years ago now. There had been something about him that had sparked his curiosity. The young man had seemed so self possessed, something he had not expected from some one his age. He had been both charismatic and enigmatic all in one.

Unlike a lot of Jeremy's friends Robert had not felt the need to talk about himself or his work, he didn't need to make people aware just how clever he was, or brag about what he did for a living. He had known though just how clever Robert really was, Jeremy had waxed lyrical about the brilliant young maths prodigy he had gone to Oxford to recruit. With a Phd under his belt Robert had gone to work at the Investment Bank Jeremy was a senior partner at, from what Jeremy had told him he had exceeded all his expectations by considerable margins. Robert's mathematical brilliance had made him a very successful and wealthy young man.

When Jeremy had told him about Robert's past he had been astounded, his admiration had increased tenfold. It was hard to believe talking to Robert that he had ever suffered what he had, there wasn't a trace of it in his demeanour.

Patrick had been devastated when Jeremy had told him about Robert's diagnosis. He had immediately volunteered his services, there was no way he would have trusted anybody else to do the operation. Mercifully everything had gone well.

Patrick really hoped that the operation would be the last he would have to do, that the tumour would not come back, he knew from his medical expertise that it was highly unlikely. What worried him was that for all the success and riches Robert had achieved and was still achieving fate had a way of making him pay a heavy price for all he had. He sincerely hoped that Robert would be fine going forward.  
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron arrived home. Liv was still up waiting for him. As soon as she saw him she bombarded him with questions about how Robert was. Whilst she never would admit it she had grown to love Robert almost as much as her loved her brother.

Liv noticed how tired Aaron looked. "You ok, you look beat".

"It's been a rough few days, I'll be glad when Robert gets out of hospital".

"He's ok though".

"Yes, he's doing fine. The doctors are happy with his progress, all being well he should be coming home soon. Then all hell will break loose. He'll have us running around after him, you know he'll drive us mad don't you".

"Bring it on"

Aaron smiled. "I'll remind you of that when you want to wring his neck".

Liv laughed. "Now I know everything is ok I'm off to bed. Don't stay up to long, you look like you need a goodnight's sleep".

"Not you too. Robert said the same!"

"You should listen to us then".

"Can I borrow your laptop".

"Why, can't you use Roberts?".

"I don't know the password".

"Your not going to use it for anything gross are you?".

"No. I have been using Robert's shower gel, it nearly empty. He'll give me hell if I've used it all up by the time it gets back".

"Can't he use Radox like everybody else!".

"It would be cheaper if he did, that stuff of his costs a fortune".

Liv went and got Aaron her laptop, then went to bed.

Aaron typed in Robert Sugden Car Accident. His finger hovered over the enter button. He debated with himself whether to go ahead with the search, he knew deep down that Robert had told him the truth but a part of him needed validation. After an internal struggle he pressed search. To his intense relief nothing came up. Aaron closed the laptop and went to bed. For the first time in days he slept soundly.


	7. Robert comes home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert comes home from hospital.
> 
> This chapter covers 2 days 7th and 8th Nov 19.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No major reveals this chapter about Robert's past  
> I have explained how Seb came back so back fill re Ross and Rebecca  
> Different segments relate to different times over 2 days.  
> Lots of fluff and fun moments for a change not to much angst.  
> Bit of romance but nothing graphic. I sure that you can fill in the blanks!

Aaron woke up with a start. He felt a sharp pain centred around his shin. It took him a while to work out what had happened before it came to him. His husband had struck again, Aaron reflected that it was one of Robert's less endearing habits, kicking out in his sleep. Aaron resisted the urge to jab Robert in the ribs in return.

Aaron could just make out Robert's sleeping form in the semi darkness, a smile lit his face in the gloom, he decided this time not to give Robert hell in the morning about the bruise he knew he would have, a part of him was happy that it had happened, it meant that Robert was home at last. 

Now that he was awake Aaron reflected about the last week. It had definitely been one of the longest weeks of his life, it had certainly been revelatory to say the least. Robert had finally come home from hospital two days later than planned on the Wednesday. Even then he'd had to wait, kicking his heels until late in the afternoon before his husband had been discharged. It had messed up all his and Liv's plans. They had decided to celebrate Robert being out of hospital, they'd twisted Marlon's arm to cook them something special for dinner but by the time that they had got back to the Mill Robert had been exhausted and gone straight to bed. All in all it had been an anticlimax. 

Aaron carefully moved so he was lying next to Robert, his side pressed against his husband's torso. He gently laid his arm across Robert's waist, then laid his head on his chest. He closed his eyes and went back to sleep. For the first time in what seemed an eternity he felt that everything was back the way it should be.

The alarm went off, Aaron slowly came awake. His eyes felt heavy, despite having several hours sleep he still felt bone weary, the mental stress of last week still exerting it's toll. In his semi-comatose state he reached out for Robert and grasped air. He came awake with a start. He jumped out of bed trying to locate Robert. He was just about to head towards Seb's room when he heard water running, he made his way to the en-suite and saw Robert up to his neck in soap suds. wallowing in the bath.

Aaron snapped "What the hell are you doing out of bed, I thought we agreed that I would help you until you were more stable on your feet, the Doctor's warned that you could get dizzy spells, what if you'd fallen over, hit your head?".

Robert gave him his what the hell look. "Good morning to you to".

"Is that it, you do something irresponsible and you make a joke of it as if it nothing?"

Robert shook his head, he was exasperated at Aaron's attitude but he understood where the anger was coming from, he went down the appeasement route. "Look I'm sorry I worried you but I'm fine, I only had to walk a few yards and I made sure I felt stable on my feet before I attempted to walk. I promise you I won't walk downstairs on my own until things have settled down".

Aaron was slight mollified. "Well you still should have woke me".

"Well your awake now, so how about you join me?".

"Seriously. You've unbelievable you know that!".

"Is that a Yes?"

"NO".

"Spoilsport, you know its ok don't you. Patrick gave us the all clear".

Aaron started to blush. He recalled the excruciatingly embarrassing conversation they had had with Patrick Shawcross. He had been enquiring what Robert would and wouldn't be able to do during his convalescing. He had been trying to broach the topic of what sort of exercise Robert could do when he noticed that both Patrick and Robert were smirking. When he had enquired what was so funny they had both laughed. To Aaron mortification Patrick had stated matter-of-factly that there was no need to be embarrassed about asking when he and Robert could resume sexual relations before adding that he was not to get to carried away, take things steady, nothing to energetic at first. Aaron had wanted the ground to swallow him up, he'd tried to explain that was not what he had been asking, which had only made the matter worst, the pair of them found his denials even more amusing. 

Aaron tried his best to glare at him before shaking his head and laughing "You've got no shame".

Aaron went over to the bath tub and sat on the edge. He gave Robert a quick peck on the lips. "That's all your getting. I need to go out on a job this morning, so I need you up and dressed and downstairs pronto".

"Misery guts. Why are you working on my first day back, can't Billy and Ellis deal with whatever job it is?".

"No way. Its a new job regarding those posh flats in Leeds. I want to make sure that everything is OK that we create a really good first impression. I don't want those two messing things up, you know what they are like with their constant bickering. Besides if you had been discharged when you should have been it wouldn't have been your first day back".

"Charming. You know you wouldn't have this dilemma if you had listened to me. You should never of given Billy a job, he's bad news, he goes out of his way to wind Ellis up ".

"Not this again, Billy's ok. You seem to have conveniently forgotten that I was hardly a model citizen when you first met me, but by some miracle you saw something in me that you though was worth saving, saw the man I could be and gave me a chance, well I want to do the same for Billy. 

"He's not worth it. Anyway you can't compare yourself with him, there were genuine reasons for the way you were, you'd been to hell and back, underneath all the anger and the angst you were a decent person with a heart of gold, you just needed help to get yourself back on the right path. You genuinely wanted to change, stop being the person you were, Billy doesn't".

Robert was in full rant mode now. "Lord's knows why but Billy's got a permanent chip on his shoulder despite being spoilt rotten all his life, he never takes responsibility for what he does its always everybody else's fault. He's a waste of space. You have to blame Jessie in part for the way he is, for somebody who is meant to be intelligent she's really stupid where Billy is concerned, she never makes him face up to what he's done, she's always making excuses for his bad behaviour. Ellis is worth ten of him yet she constantly overlooks him in favour of Billy, I really feel sorry for him".

Whilst they had never discussed it Aaron instinctively knew that a lot of Robert's problems with Billy stemmed from his own memories of his own past. Jessie being a substitute for his Dad and Billy representing Andy. The conversations they had had at the hospital had reinforced this theory. He knew from experience that this conversation could develop into a minefield, Robert really disliked Billy and as time was pressing he quickly change the subject to safer ground".

"I hear what you are saying but I don't have time to talk now. You need to hurry up with your bath, get dressed and then I'll make you breakfast. I can't hang around this morning, I've got to be in Leeds by 9.30am, so shift".

"Ok, but you'll have to scrub my back first, I can't reach".

"Since when?".

"Since I became an invalid. In case you've forgotten I have just had a major operation, a big of TLC wouldn't come amiss".

Aaron smiled to himself, he had to hand it to Robert he didn't miss a trick. 

.....................................................................................

Aaron came home from work. It had been a lot busier than he had planned. By the time he had finished it was gone four o'clock. He walked into the flat, Robert and Liv were sat on the sofa with Seb wedged between them. Freddie had managed to snuggle up close to Robert laying over his legs. They were watching TV, Aaron couldn't believe what they were looking at. 

"What the hell are your watching?".

Robert replied. "Tipping Point"

"I can see that, the question is why?".

Liv started to smirk, she'd let Robert explain this one.

"Well for a start it passes the time, you've no idea how boring it is sitting doing nothing all day, I can't even check my emails because your sister had hidden my laptop, plus its helping Liv improve her general knowledge so its educational as well and most importantly Seb loves it, it's keeping him entertained for a hour so we can get some peace and quiet, he's run us ragged all day. You should see his little face when the counters drop, he loves it".

Just at that moment to prove Robert's point some counters dropped and Seb let out a squeal.

"See what did I tell you".

Aaron grimaced. "You know that surgeon was a miracle worker. He operated on a relatively young man and turned him into a OAP".

Robert pulled a face and Liv started to laugh. 

Robert gave her a look.

Robert turned his attention back to Aaron, there was a mock sweetness to his voice. "Why don't you sit and watch it with us, your general knowledge could do with a boost".

Aaron pulled a face. He walked over so he was standing behind Robert on the sofa, he lent over and softly kissed him on the cheek. "No thanks, I think I will forego the pleasure of being so richly entertained by an old folk's show, I'm still in my twenties unlike you old man, besides I need a shower".

Robert shook his head at him. "I agree about the shower, you definitely whiff a bit".

"Charming. I'll just have a shower then I'll start on tea. What do you fancy eating?".

"There's no need to cook. There's a Pasta Bolognese Bake in the oven it will be ready in about a hour".

"Hey I thought we agreed that you would leave the cooking to me until you were feeling better".

"I haven't cooked, Liv has. I just supervised. I've been good just as I promised.".

Aaron looked over to Liv and saw her nod.

Aaron laughed. "That makes a change. Anyway I just shower and then we can catch up".

.....................................................................................

Aaron looked at the pasta on his plate. He was debating whether to tuck in. Liv's previous efforts at cooking hadn't been that great of a success. He looked up and noticed that Robert was looking at him with an amused expression on his face. 

"It won't bite you know".

Liv looked at Robert and Aaron. "What's that".

Robert answered "Your brother is wondering if the pasta is safe to eat".

"Charming, I spent ages cooking and he turns his nose up. Bit rich when you consider some of his efforts. Can you remember the time he tried to cook Lasagne!".

Robert laughed. "Don't remind me it was rank".

"Hey I am here you know. Some of us can't be good at everything you know!".

"Oh dear, I think we've touched a nerve there Liv. 

Liv smirked. She loved moments like this, back in the bad days she had tried to image what a proper family would be like and what she had now was close to her ideal. The bickering and banter, the love and the warmth. She considered herself lucky to have these two men in her life. Both so different in so many ways but both always there for her, her rocks. Whilst Aaron would always be the must important person in her life she loved Robert a close second. She knew that Robert would always take care of her, help her to work things out in that calm logically manner of his. She learnt that she could tell him anything and he would listen to what she had to say without flaring up like Aaron, he didn't judge even when she knew she hadn't covered herself with glory. He had a way of making things right, getting her to see clearly, making her understand when her behaviour was out of line. She knew that she wouldn't have passed her exams without him helping her, giving her the confidence to believe in herself, he drummed it into her that she was as good as anyone else and god help anybody who he heard say differently. He was the one that had encouraged her to do a diploma in business studies, she had had serious misgivings at first, she doubted that she would be good enough to do the course but Robert had talked her round and she had to admit that she was loving it, it had opened up a new world for her, got her to believe that she could make something of herself. 

Liv replied. "He's just jealous that I managed to cook something edible".

Aaron looked at the pasta once more then decided to go for it. He took a tentative bite. He mulled the taste on his tongue for a while before giving his verdict. "Actually its not that bad, much better than I thought it would be. We will have to get you doing some of the cooking from now on, take your turn in making tea".

Liv looked at him in horror. She wasn't the least bit interested in getting involved in the domestics on a permanent basis, she'd only helped out because Robert was poorly, hoovering was about her limit. "I don't know about that, I've got all my studying to do, plus there's a lot of assignments I have to complete each week, I don't have time. Besides it is a given that we both know that Robert's the cook in this house. You can't seriously tell me you would want me to cook when Robert prepares all these fantastic meals for us, its better than you get in restaurants, he's much better than Marlon, he puts his efforts to shame".

Aaron and Robert both laughed. They enjoyed seeing Liv rise to the bait. She quickly cottoned on and laughed to.

"The pair of you are mean, you know that!".

Aaron replied. "Sorry, but I couldn't resist it, especially after you dissed my cooking. You know that I can cook a mean fry-up and my Sunday roost is spot on".

Robert and Liv nodded. "I guess we have to give him that don't we Liv, I'm looking forward to Sunday lunch".

"I guess that means that I'm cooking then".

They continued to talk as they ate. A family reunited. After dessert Liv excused herself and went up to her room, citing college work".

Aaron shook his head. "Guess it's me doing the clearing up then".

Robert smiled. "Guess so, have to admire her tactics though, it was neatly done".

"She's spent to long around you. Mr Shifty".

"Hey, less of that, I could easily take offence".

"Yeh, right".

"Do you want anything else to eat, you didn't make much of an inroad with the pasta or the pudding?".

"No, I'm good. A cup of tea wouldn't go amiss though".

Aaron made them both a brew and then sat down at the table again. "I enjoyed tonight. It's so good to have you back home again. I hadn't realised how much I missed the simple things like meals with us altogether until you weren't there. I guess it's only when something is gone you realise how special it is. I don't want us to ever take anything for granted Robert, never. These last couple of weeks has really made me think. I want us to savour every moment we have together, you, me, Liv and Seb, what we have is so special we shouldn't waste a moment of what we have, ever".

Robert reached out and took hold of Aaron's hands. "We won't I promise. I wasn't going to say anything tonight but I guess after what you just said this is probably a good time to talk about the future. When I was in hospital I did a lot of thinking about what I wanted to do going forward. There is nothing like a near death experience to clarify the mind, make you realise what is important. I've decided to quit the haulage company. I don't need the hassle of babysitting Jimmy anymore, especially after the stunt Nicola pulled when she took my share of the haulage company for herself and Jimmy, I don't see why I should work my backside off to make them rich anymore. I have enjoyed the ad-hoc work I've been doing lately and my mate says that he can keep me busy so I am going to focus on that. Besides it much better paid than the pittance Jimmy is paying me for my services".

"Sounds good. To be honest I don't know why you stuck at the haulage company after what happened".

"In hindsight I don't know either. I should have quit like you said at the time".

"So this ad-hoc work, what will it entail?".

"Mostly business projects. I should be able to work from home for the majority of the time, so I should be around for Seb more. There will be occasional meetings and some overnight stays from time to time. It depends what the projects are, whats required. But if I get offered a project that is going to require me to be away from home for long periods of time we can talk about it together, I won't take anything major on without your say so. I also have some ideas about the scrap yard, about advancing the business but its your company so its up to you what you want to do, I'm not going to force you to anything your not comfortable with".

"Thanks, I appreciate that. We've come a long way haven't we. You and me. Talking about stuff, we've become proper adults!".

Robert looked fondly over at Aaron, but there was a touch of sadness in his eyes. "I guess we have. It how it should always have been right from the start. It would have saved us both so much heartache".

"What's past is past. We were both at fault. What is important is where we are now. The two of us together, being a team".

"You right, but I will always have regrets that I wasted so long admitting to myself what I wanted, the people I needlessly hurt by my indecision it could all have been avoided".

"Hey, stop this, stop being so hard on yourself. Neither of us can change the past. There is so much stuff I wished I hadn't done to but I can't go back and change it. All any of us can do is learn from our mistakes, not repeat the same errors over and over again and I believe that we've in a good place to achieve that going forward".

"When did you get all philosophical?".

"I guess its my husband rubbing off on me, he has a habit of making me see things clearly, stop beating myself up over every last thing".

"Sounds like he's a smart bloke".

Aaron shook his head. Typical Robert. Smug as ever. He felt an overwhelming surge of love for his husband, this man that had transformed his life.

"What are you thinking?".

Robert's voice cut through his reveries. "Never you mind, it will only make you even more bigheaded. Anyway you look like you've going to fall asleep anytime soon. Best get you to bed".

"Best offer I've had all day".

Aaron laughed. He doubted Robert would stay awake longer than it took his head to hit the pillow. He helped Robert up and led him upstairs. It had been a good day. 

.....................................................................................

Robert was dozing on the sofa, Aaron had never know him to be so inactive. The Doctor's had warned him that Robert would be tired for a while after the operation but he had not thought it would be this bad. He went over to check on him. Robert opened his eyes as Aaron sat down next to him

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you. How are you doing?".

"Ok. Just a bit tired".

"Can I get you anything to eat or drink".

"No. I'm fine at the moment".

"You sure because I need to go out for a bit. I phoned Vic and she is coming over to sit with you until I return. I shouldn't be to long".

"Honestly I will be ok. There was no need for you to get Vic to babysit, all I'm going to do is sleep". 

"There is no way your going to be left on your own until the Doctor's give me the all clear that your well enough to take care of yourself, what if you have a seizure, or get dizzy and fall. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened".

"Alright. If it makes you happy I'll let you wrap me up in cotton wool. Just don't blame me if the novelty wears off".

Aaron gave Robert a suspicious look. Just as he was about to retort Vic burst though the door. When would they ever learn to lock the damn door, they'd ended up with more than one red face in the past due to unwelcome guests. He made small talk with his sister-in-law for a while, telling her to make sure Robert behaved before leaving her to take care of his husband. 

Aaron made his way to the Woolpack. His mum was in the bar getting everything organised before opening time. As soon as she saw Aaron she hailed him over. 

"I'll not be long love, nearly done".

"I thought this was your morning off, where's Charity?".

"Wherever there's no work to do as usual. She's a waste of space, I really wish now that Diane had sold her share's to Robert, then I wouldn't have to put up with the lazy mare".

Aaron laughed. "I think back then you would have preferred Diane to have sold her shares to the devil before Robert".

"Well that was then, how was I to know that he would turn out to be a half decent son-in-law. How is he by the way?".

"He's seems to be permanently tired at the moment. Vic's with him at present, I didn't feel comfortable leaving him on his own".

"It's early days yet. Just be patient. I'm sure in a few weeks time he'll be a lot better".

"I know, it just that I hate seeming him like this. He's usually so full of life, always on the go".

Chas went over to Aaron and gave him a big hug. "Just be patient love, all he needs is time and before you realise it he will be back to his old self as if he had never been ill".

At that moment Bob came in.

Chas released her son and addressed Bob. "Thanks for coming in early, I wonder if you could finish off here and be behind the bar for a while. Charity has gone AWOL again and I need to chat with my son for a bit".

"No problem boss. Ready and willing".

"Thanks Bob".

Chas and Aaron made their way to the back room. They had arranged to meet to make sure that everything was set for tomorrow, Seb's second birthday. It was still a sore point with Aaron that they hadn't be able to have a proper do to celebrate his first birthday due to him being with Rebecca and Ross on the actual day, they had had to make do with a makeshift party cobbled together at the last minute. Now that Seb was back where he belonged Aaron was determined to make sure that all future birthday's were special.

Aaron spoke first. "So how is everything shaping up".

"Everything is on track. Marlon's got all the catering in hand, Vic has made the cake, all the guests are primed to arrive at 11.30am just as you requested. Presents wrapped and ready. Just need to get the decorations up, so I thought we could come round later this evening when you give us the all clear".

"It will probably be around ten latest. If it's anything like last night Robert won't be able to keep his eyes open any later than that, he's be exhausted by then".

"Well that will be good, while he's flat out it will give us free range to decorate".

Aaron pondered, doubts were creeping in. "Do you think its really a good idea, to have this party. I know Robert doesn't want a big fuss, I think he wants something low key".

"He will be fine".

"I'm not so sure. The Dingles descending on him en masse, you know how loud we can get. I don't know whether he will like it or not and things are tetchy at times with him and his family, Diane is a bit off at the moment, although I guess it make's a change from Vic being difficult".

"I heard that you had a run in with Diane, what was that all about?"

Aaron decided that this definitely wasn't a place he wanted to go, he'd promised Robert that he would not repeat what he had told him at the hospital so he tried to downplay the incident. "Oh it wasn't anything major, she said some stuff about Robert that I took offence to, I was twitchy about him being ill and she wind me up, you know how judgemental she can be, I was being oversensitive".

"Well you've had a lot to deal with. I know Robert's been the one that's been ill but you have been through the wringer to. Its tough for the other half, having to watch from the sidelines. I think you've be brilliant love, the way that you've dealt with everything. I'm proud of you".

Aaron felt himself welling up. "Thanks mum".

"You know I so proud of you, the man you've become".

Aaron could now feel the tears in his eyes. "Well it took me a while to get there, I didn't make it easy for you. I was a rotten kid at times".

"I think it fair to say you had your reasons. After everything that happened to you, you were bound to struggle, I just wish I'd been there for you. How you overcome the past and become the person you have, well it brilliant to see. Seb is a very lucky little boy to have you as one of his dad's".

Aaron wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded. "I couldn't have done it without you and Robert. I'm where I am because neither of you gave up on me even when I put you both through hell. Anyway can we change the subject now, you've making me a wreck.".

"Alright love, will do. You know I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I can't wait to see Seb opening all his presents, after last year this birthday is going to be special, having him back where he belongs".

"You right about that. He never should have left us. I still get nightmares about him being away from us. I know Robert had his reasons, I really do, but he was wrong to have given Seb up. The thought of Seb being brought up by Ross Barton as a father figure still makes my blood run cold. Then there was Rebecca, even though it wasn't her fault she wasn't capable of looking after him properly, she put him in danger twice when she was living with Vic, caused a fire where he could have been burnt to death when she left the grill on and then she was going to feed him boiling milk. I used to worry myself sick wondering if he was going to be alright, I feared that something bad was going to happen to him".

"Well he ended up being ok. He back where he belongs. Safe and loved with his two Daddies".

"What still makes me so mad is that if Robert had been aware of all the facts he would never have given Seb up in the first place. If he had known that Barton has been using drugs and ended up being hospitalised after a bad fix, that when he collapsed Moses had been left alone to wander off by himself where god knows what could have happened to him, he wouldn't have let that man anywhere near his son. Robert was horrified when he found out the truth, about how Charity made sure Ross didn't take Moses with him by virtually blackmailing him over his drug abuse. How the hell could she not have told us. Robert really hates drugs he would never have knowingly let a junkie take care of his son. You know Robert's never really liked Charity, but after she kept quiet about how she managed to keep Moses he has washed his hands of her big time, he can't stand the sight of her, he's still livid over her deception".

"He's not the only one. I could have slapped her myself when I found out, she put my grandson's life in danger. What made is so much worse was that we lost him so soon after Gracie died. But then that's her all over, she doesn't give a damn about anybody but herself, look at this morning, she knew I wanted to have time off and she does a disappearing act. It not good. I have to get rid, I'm fed up with having her as a partner, she's a liability".

Aaron had picked up on how his mum had described Seb. "Your Grandson?".

"Well I think of Seb as your son to as well as Roberts. Now the adoption has come through you are legally his Dad, you have the same rights as Robert. I'm hoping he will be the first of many. You and Robert are great parents, any kiddie will be lucky to have you as Dads".

"We do our best, It's not always easy though, sometimes I think we make it up as we go along".

"Welcome to the world of being parents, you just muddle along, doing your best".

"You know the scary thing is that if Rebecca hadn't died of a brain haemorrhage so soon after going to Liverpool we probably wouldn't have Seb now. I know that we were going for custody after we found out about Ross's drug habit, that it made Robert determined to get his son back but there was still no guarantee that we would have won, my criminal record was a black mark against us. It's seem ridiculous when you think about what kind of man Ross Barton was, is, it was a sick joke that he had a clean record when he was criminal scum through and through, all the terrible things he had done were far worst than the stuff I was punished for, ended up being locked up in prison for ages. I mean he shot Robert in cold blood after conspiring with Andy to murder Robert in return for Andy murdering Pete, I found out from Cain that he was the one that shot Debbie up at Home Farm, Moira told me he was going to murder the bloke that threw acid in his face until she managed to talk him out of it and then there was all the thieving often with extreme violence involved, I know for a fact that he nearly beat an security guard to death when he caught him in the act during one of his thieving exploits. Oh and I'm forgetting his attempts at being a drug dealer".

"Drug dealer?".

"Robert and me were having a few run ins with Ross and Pete, Ross stole Robert's car so when he went out we followed him, ended up at Wylie's farm. When we looked inside after he had gone we found all these cannabis plants. Seems that some drug dealers had grown the plants there seeing as it was unoccupied and away from sight. Ross and Finn planned to steal the plants and sell them on. We managed to get the plants and made a trade to give them back to Ross if he gave Robert his car back".

"So he ended up selling the plants as well then, adding another thing to his wrap sheet?".

"No. Robert put the plants in a wood chipper. When he got his keys back he turned the machine on and destroyed the plants. I thought at the time he had gone to far but he was having none of it. Pointed out in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't be condoning selling what were in essence drugs especially after what had so recently happened to Holly".

"Well at least Ross has finally got his comeuppance. Who would have though it after he lived such a charmed life in Emmerdale where the coppers couldn't get anything to stick that as soon as he got to Liverpool he would get nicked so quickly".

"Well we should have all smelt a rat when he said a mate of his had offered him a job in Liverpool. We should have know it wouldn't have been legit, when did Barton ever choose a honest days work when he could get by doing a dishonest one. He had it coming. I read about it in the papers. His mate was a big time crook, Barton got caught selling on stolen property for him, the irony is that if he had just let himself be arrested he would have had a year or two in prison at the most but because he resisted arrest, ended up putting a copper in a coma he got 15 years. Plus when his details got processed they also managed to link his DNA back to that security guard he beat up as well. I hope he rots".

"Wow, that a bit harsh. We've not a squeaky clean family ourselves remember, none of us can claim to be saints, you could say that we all have it coming to a certain degree if we are being really honest".

"I know that, I know I'm not coming across well either but I can't help it I hate Ross. It's personal for me. He shot Robert, he almost murdered the man I love and I ended up being arrested for it. If Robert had died, had he not lived and been able to clear me I would have been looking at 20 years inside, I wouldn't have been able to survive, I would have ended up topping myself. He didn't give a damn about me, he would have seen me rot in jail for something he had done. He never had the least bit of remorse for what he did, the only time he got upset about shooting Robert was when Debbie found out and dumped him. This was the man that was taking care of Seb, I shudder to think what Seb's life would have been like with him as his moral compass if we hadn't got him back". 

"Well he's back now. That's all that counts. He wasn't away long enough for any lasting harm to have been done. It was less than a couple of months. I know that its not how Robert would have wanted it to have happened with Rebecca dying like that but it meant that you got Seb back and at the end of the day that's the most important thing".

"I still hate her, even though she's dead. I know I should stop hating her now that she's gone, it makes me feel like I'm a bad person for feeling the way I do and deep down I'm really ashamed of myself, but if I'm being honest I can't say that I'm not glad I will never have to see her again. I hated the way she manipulated Robert via Seb, she hurt him so much right from the moment he was born. She was a nasty piece of work right from the moment I first met her three years ago".

"Well I won't dispute that she was a nasty piece of work, but you need to let it go and under no circumstances tell Robert what you think. He won't be happy to hear you say things like that about Seb's mum. He was really upset when she died, he cared about her".

"I don't think it was so much about him caring about her as a person, she'd been so vile to him about Seb and our access rights, making us jump through hoops, he'd genuinely started to dislike her, I definitely know that he bitterly regretted letting her have Seb. I think he was upset because of what she represented, she was Seb's mother. I know I shouldn't be telling you this, I promised Robert I wouldn't but when he was in hospital he talked a lot about his childhood. It really cut him up that he lost two mums when he was a kid. I think that when Seb lost his mum Robert saw it as history repeating itself. I know that he is worried what effect it will have on Seb growing up, he knows from personal experience how badly he suffered losing his mums and he doesn't want the same childhood for his little boy".

"Well he's worrying for nothing, Seb has two brilliant dads that dote on him. That little boy will always be surrounded by love and kindness.. I can't image that either of you won't fight tooth and nail for him throughout his entire life. He's so lucky to have you both, your wonderful parents and for the record I can't for one minute see history repeat itself. You and Robert both know from bitter experience what a child needs growing up, you both know what its like to be hurt and you will never let any child in your care feel the kind of pain you both suffered, no way".

Aaron felt the tears fall down his face. Chas went over to him and hugged him tight until he calmed down. 

"I don't know what's wrong with me at the minute. I seem to cry at the slightest thing".

"Its the stress love, all the worry about Robert, things will get back to normal, when your husband's back on his feet again you'll feel much better"

"Talking about Robert, I better go and check on him. I've already been longer than I said, Vic will be starting to moan, I know she had plans for this afternoon".

Chas gave Aaron another hug "Ok love, bye then and give Robert my regards. Don't forget that I am picking Seb up from Nursery and giving him his tea. I bring him back about 6pm. I though that when I bring Seb round that Paddy could come too so we can have a catch up with Robert. What do you say about us bringing some tea with us to save you cooking".

"It all sounds great, thanks mum"

....................................................................................

Aaron made his way back to the Mill thinking of the best way to break it to Robert that the in-laws would be descending on him later. He'd nearly got home when he heard Zak shouting at him. 

"Slow down lad".

Aaron turned around to wait for Zak. He could see that he had Freddie with him. With Robert being ill Zak had taken over walking the precious mutt. As Zak got closer Aaron got a clearer look at the dog. His mouth gapped open in horror when he saw how filthy Freddie was he was bedraggled from top to tail".

"Where the hell has he been".

"What's that lad?".

"The dog, look at the state of him. Robert will do his nut".

"Aye yes, he is a bit muddy, lots of puddles around at the moment I'm afraid, but don't worry the mud will brush out when he's dry. I have to say that the wee fellow is a right bundle of energy, you wouldn't think that a little dog like that would need so much exercise to wear him out".

Aaron grimaced. "Tell me about it. I think he was a greyhound in a previous life".

Zak handed Aaron Freddie's lead. "Anyway I leave you with him, I'm off to the Woolie to have a pint, I think I've earned it with all the walking I've done. Give my regards to Robert, I hope he's feeling better".

"He's on the mend but its slow going. I think it's going to be a while before he's up to dog walking again".

"No worries lad, just bring the little fellow around. He's good company for Monty".

With that Zak left and made his way to the pub leaving Aaron with Freddie. He looked at Freddie, he could swear that the dog was smirking at him. He wondered how smug he would be when he gave him a bath. 

Aaron entered the Mill. Mercifully Robert was fast asleep on the sofa, at least he would be spared the admonishments about what state Freddie was in. He was so distracted that he failed to notice that Vic wasn't there. He picked the dog up keeping him at arms length and walked up the stairs making his way to the bathroom. He pushed the door closed behind him. He placed Freddie in the bath and turned the shower head on. The moment the water hit the dog he frantically tried to get out of the bath. Aaron gripped his collar to keep him still. If only the damned dog had an aversion to water and mud when he was out having a walk. Somehow he managed to wash and rinse the dog one handed. He cursed repeatedly as water cascaded over him due to the dog's wriggling. Eventually he managed to get the dog back to his normal honey colour. He reached for a towel with his spare hand and lost his balance, he let go of Freddie to stop himself from falling. The instance he was free Freddie jumped out of the bath and made for the door. To Aaron's horror he saw that he hadn't properly closed the door, the mutt open it with his paw and headed downstairs. Aaron got up and went after him but it was to late. Freddie had already launched himself onto the sofa so he could sit on Robert. Aaron watched events unfold from the middle of the stairs as if they were in slow motion. First Robert had woken up with a start as the dog landed on him and then he had been showered in water as Freddie shook himself. Aaron gingerly walked down the rest of the stairs, Robert was not looking the least bit amused".

"What the hell!".

Aaron tried to look contrite "I'm really sorry, I was giving him a wash and he somehow managed to get out of the bath and run downstairs before I had a chance to dry him".

"I'm soaked!".

"I'll go and get you some dry clothes".

"Bring a towel as well. Freddie is still soaking wet, despite the amount of water he's just deposited on me".

Aaron went and did as he had been told. He tried not to laugh as he walked up the stairs. It had been funny. He bet that Freddie had well and truly blotted his copybook. He selected some clothes and picked up a towel and headed downstairs. Robert was sitting up now wide awake, he looked well grumpy".

"I heard you laughing"

"Oh, sorry. You weren't meant to. You have to admit though it was funny".

"I bet you wouldn't have seen the funny side of it if you had been the one drenched in water. Now stop smirking and hand me the towel".

Aaron handed Robert the towel. To his chagrin the blasted dog had rediscovered his halo. He stood still as Robert started to rub him dry. He obediently turned round when Robert moved him to reach more wet fur. He even laid on his back so he could have his tummy dried. 

"Why are you glaring at the dog?".

Aaron jumped at Robert's words, he had been to busy giving the dog the evil eye. "Because he's a wind up merchant. He deliberately goes out of his way to push my buttons. You should have seen the hell he gave me when I was trying to wash him, he wouldn't keep still".

Robert started to laugh. "Are you telling me that Aaron Sugden-Dingle first lets a tiny little Cockapoo get the better of him. He's a dog, you are meant to be the one telling him what to do".

"Well he's like you, he has a mind of his own. He only does want he wants when it suits him"

Robert laughed again. "You are a right Sourpuss. Here take over drying him so I can change out of these wet clothes".

Robert handed Aaron the towel and then started to strip down to his pants. Aaron stopped in his tracks. He felt the familiar butterflies in his stomach as he took in the sight of his husband's near nakedness, after all these years he still got a thrill that this stunning man was all his. He eyes scanned Robert's body, noticing how thin he had become. His muscles were still there but he could see to much bone for his liking. He mentally made a note to buy Robert lots of his favourite chocolates for Christmas. He noticed Robert's gaze on him, a sardonic look in his eyes. Aaron found himself blushing having been caught red handed ogling his husband. He got up from the floor where he had been continuing to towel Freddie dry and walked towards Robert. His focus entirely on his husband. Neither of them heard the door opening.

"Cooee it's only me"

Aaron turned round, horror on his face. His Gran was standing in front of him waving a mobile in her hand. To his mortification he could see that her eyes were drinking in every part of his husband's near naked body, her graze lingering far to long on Robert's crotch for his liking.

If it was possible to make things any worse his Gran succeeded. "I always said you were a lucky boy. He's a bit on the thin side lad, you need to fatten him up a bit but that nothing a few good meals can't fix. I definitely wouldn't kick him out of bed, but by the looks of it you never managed to get him that far, you mucky little devil"

Aaron almost gagged. The thought of his Gran in bed with his husband was to gross for words. He could feel his face burning up. He knew from previous experiences that his Gran didn't possess a filter, no doubt this episode would be relayed to his family in her own unique interpretation.

For some insane reason Aaron blurted out. "Its not what you think".

"And what would I be thinking lad, that you were having a bit of afternoon delight. Although I have to say that if your going to get up to these kind of shenanigans you should start thinking about locking the door".

Aaron was about to reply when he heard Robert laugh. He turned round, thankfully his husband was almost dressed, his jeans were on and he was about to pull his jumper over his head. Aaron turned round again to look at his Gran. "What are you doing here away".

"Charming. I was doing you a favour. You left your phone in the backroom at the Pub. Your mum asked me to bring it over just in case the nursery called about Seb. Anyway now I here I think I'll have a chat with your husband, see how he's doing".

Aaron was struggling. This was getting worse. He just wanted to get rid of her. His Gran oblivious to knowing when she was not wanted brushed past him and went to join Robert who was now thankfully dressed and sitting on the sofa.

Aaron clocked that Robert didn't seem to be the least bit embarrassed. To Aaron annoyance he told Faith to sit next to him. 

Faith sat down far to close to his husband for Aaron's liking. The woman really didn't have any boundaries. Just when he thought that things could not get conceivably worse she somehow managed to top it. "This sofa's a bit damp, you really must have worked up a sweat between you".

Aaron felt himself dying inside, he wanted the ground to swallow him up. It didn't helped that his shameless husband was clearly enjoying watching Aaron squirm in mortification. Robert smiled at him and winked. After a while he took pity on Aaron and spoke up for the first time. "Sorry to spoil your fun Faith but it wasn't anything so exciting as rampant sex. Aaron was bathing Freddie and he forgot to dry him before letting him downstairs. The little rascal shook himself dry all over me and the sofa".

Faith chuckled and winked at Robert. "I believe you lad, thousands wouldn't and to be fair the dog does look a bit damp but the truth is I think that I prefer my version of events. Now how about a catch up with your favourite Gran-in-law".

Faith turned her attention back to Aaron. "Don't just stand there gawping lad, go and fetch us both a brew".

Aaron gritted his teeth and complied. She was obviously determined to outstay her welcome. The woman was absolutely brazen. The sooner he got her tea the sooner they could get rid. He looked over and saw that her hand was resting on Robert's thigh whilst she enquired about his health. He got his phone out and texted his mum to call Faith and say she was needed to help out with the bar. He wanted rid asap. 

Aaron was counting the minutes until his mum texted. Nothing. He was giving up hope of getting rid of Faith she had already been there 45 minutes when thankfully she declared that she needed to leave as she was going out with Eric for afternoon tea at the posh new teashop in Hotten. Aaron felt like saying halleluiah. She gave Robert a peck on the cheek, squeezed his thigh once more and thankfully departed. Aaron followed her out and locked the door behind her. No way was he going to chance her coming back. He turned round to see Robert watching him, he looked amused, damn him. He went over and sat down next to him.

Aaron spoke with a peevish tone to his voice. "Well I'm glad you saw the funny side to that, I can't remember when I have last been so embarrassed. She's a nightmare. That woman had no shame. It was disgusting the way she kept feeling you up, hands like a damned Octopus!".

Robert smiled at him and put his arm around his shoulders. He pulled him close so Aaron's head rested in the crook of his neck. He gently kissed the top of his head. Aaron snuggled closer breathing in his husband's scent. He felt his anger with his Gran dissipate as his husband touch began to soothe him. After a while Aaron craved more intimacy so he got Robert to lay on the sofa so he could lay curled up next to his body, with his head resting on his chest, arm draped over his waist. He manoeuvred himself until he was fully comfortable caused his husband to exclaim.

"Hey watch out. Your elbows are digging into me, your worse than a cat with its claws out".

"I trying to get comfy. Gran's right about one thing though you are to thin, your bones are digging into me".

"I don't recall you complaining last night about my bones sticking into you. I seem to recall you waking me up from my slumbers so you could have your wicked way with me".

Aaron smiled to himself. Last night had been good. He hadn't been able to resist making love to Robert, he had been without him for to long it had made him physically ache. But then that was how it had always been with Robert, he reflected that neither of them could keep their hands off each other. No one have ever come remotely close to making him lose his mind the way Robert did. Aaron snuggled even closer to Robert, needing the touch of his body against his.

"You ok there"

Aaron was in a reflective mood. "Yes. I love this. Just the two of us, lying in each other arms. It's my favourite place in all the world. The place I feel the safest, as if nothing can ever harm me. This is what I missed the most when you were in hospital".

"Are you sure about that? After last night I'm pretty sure that there are other places you enjoy being more".

Aaron chuckled. "You know you are shameless, it no wonder you get on so well with Gran, your kindred spirits"

Aaron felt Robert tenderly kiss the top of his head again, felt his husband's arms tighten around him, holding him closer. He sighed in contentment. He reckoned that they should have at least a hour before Liv came home and the peace would be shattered. He decided to postpone telling Robert that his mum and Paddy were coming round with and probably for tea, he didn't want to shatter the mood. When his mum had offered to bring food and company he had found himself unable to refuse especially as she had spent so much time organising the perfect birthday party for Seb tomorrow.

Robert spoke "What's the time?"

"Why"

"Just wondered if Tipping Point is on yet"

Aaron looked at him incredulously. "You want to get dumped?"

"I never want to watch Tipping Point again!".

They both laughed. 

They settled into a companionable silence, neither felt the need for words. Both thinking how lucky they were to have each other, to have found such a special love that people rarely ever encountered in a life time.


	8. Seb's Birthday 2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter focuses on one day - Seb's second birthday on 9th Nov 19.  
> Some domestic fluff included as well as some angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sets up scenario's for future chapters and fills in some gaps in Robert's past. 
> 
> Note. In my AU the Home Farm Scam currently showing at the moment never happened. Nicola took the Home James shares for herself.

Aaron and Chas finally completed the decorations for Seb's second birthday party, the Mill was now full of balloons and Happy Birthday banners. Seb's presents were arranged on one of the worktops, Aaron reflected that Seb was going to be a very lucky little boy, he would have a field day opening them all. Aaron cast an eye around, satisfied with how everything looked. He wanted today to be perfect, this was the first time that he and Robert would celebrate their little boy's birthday on the actual day.

Aaron looked at his watch it was now ten o'clock. He went upstairs to check on Robert. He had been careful not to wake Robert up this morning when he got up. He wanted his husband to be fully rested so he wouldn't be tired by the time the party started. When he got to their bedroom he found Robert almost dressed. He was sitting on the bed pulling his socks on.

"Hey why didn't you call me, let me know that you were awake. I could have helped you up".

"I'm not completely helpless you know. Anyway I was impatient to be up and dressed, why did you let me sleep so long. I want to see the birthday boy"

"I took Seb over to see Vic and Ellis so he didn't disturb you".

"Why?".

Aaron took a deep breathe and went for it. "Because firstly you needed the rest, he has a habit of coming into the bedroom and pouncing on you and secondly I didn't want him around until everything was ready. He would have caused havoc".

Robert gave Aaron an ominous stare. "What do you mean everything was ready?".

Aaron decided just to go for it. "Look don't get upset but I have arranged a party for Seb. Everybody's coming around at about 11.30am. I know this isn't what you wanted, I know you said you wanted to keep things low key, no fuss, but I think its the right thing to do after last year. Seb deserves to have a proper party this time round".

Robert let out an exasperated breathe. "Aaron I'm not up for a massive party, the last thing I want, wanted was to have your family descend on me en masse and Seb is only two, he's too young to understand that it's his birthday".

Aaron grew mutinous. "What about me, don't I deserve to make a fuss of our son on his birthday. You took that away from me last year when you gave him away behind my back".

Robert put his hands over his face and sighed. "Can we not fight, please? I just wanted to celebrate our son's birthday together, you, Liv and me, make it a special day for him, the last thing I want is for us to row today of all days".

"You right, I don't want to fight either. Its just that I want today to be special for him like you just said. A part of me knows that I am being selfish, that I'm putting myself first and I'm sorry I wish I was being more considerate but it still hurts that he wasn't here last year and I need to make it right this year Robert. If its to much you can always make your excuses, you don't have to stay all the time you can always come up here for a nap until everyone's gone, people will understand. All you have to do is stay for a bit, watch Seb unwrap his presents, you can do that can't you for your son".

Robert let out another exasperated sigh, he knew that he had lost this battle, he didn't have the energy to fight his corner further. "Alright. You win". 

Robert paused for a bit then continued. "I was upset as well you know, that Seb wasn't with us last year and before you say it again I know that it was down to me, that it was all my fault. It one of the many things that I wish I could turn the clock back for, change the decision I made. I am sorry that I hurt you the way I did Aaron, I truly am".

Aaron nodded his acceptance of Robert's apology.

"Now do you think you can help me downstairs, please?".

"Alright then, but I expect you to pretend to enjoy yourself even if Lydia does collar you and tells you one of her stories that make you lose the will to live!".

Robert pulled a face. Aaron laughed and helped Robert up. Maybe the party would turn out to be ok after all, Robert hadn't blown up anywhere near as much as he had anticipated.

As soon as Robert made it downstairs he was confronted by Chas.

"How are you love, your looking pale. Did you sleep well?. What do you think to the decorations?".

"Honestly mum, give him a chance to say morning before you pounce on him".

Robert smiled, he walked to the kitchen table and sat down. I'm not too bad, I slept well, I always look pale this time of year and the decorations are fine. Glad to see that you haven't inherited your mother's taste in decorations". 

Aaron laughed. Robert still hadn't forgotten Faith's monstrous attempt at decorating the Pub for their first unofficial wedding. He still shuddered to when he remembered how tacky they were he had be eternally grateful that his mum have overseen their official wedding.

Chas smiled. "I'm glad they meet with your approval. Aaron and me have worked hard to transform the Mill. Now I am going to love and leave you both to make sure the catering is in hand and organise getting it brought over. I'll aim for about 11am".

"Thanks Mum".

Chas gave both Aaron and Robert a hug then left.

......................................................................................................................................

Aaron put the kettle on. "What can I fix you for breakfast?".

"Toast please".

"Is that all, don't you want some scrambled eggs as well or porridge maybe, you really need to start eating more, your bone thin".

"Toast is all I can manage at the moment, its about all I can stomach first thing".

Aaron decided not to push it. He made a mental note to speak to the Doctor when they went for Robert's check-up next week at the Hospital. He was worried that Robert wasn't eating enough, getting thinner and thinner. "Ok, toast it is then".

Aaron placed the breakfast on the table. He watched as Robert lightly buttered the toast. He could see that Robert was making an effort to eat but it was hard going. "Is it really that bad? I wasn't aware that it was possible to mess up cooking bread in the toaster?".

Robert laughed. He reached out a hand and placed it over one of Aaron's. "It's fine, I just don't feel like eating much at the moment. I'll try and eat some cake later on".

Aaron was worried "Everything is ok isn't it? There's nothing wrong?".

Robert squeezed Aaron's hand in reassurance. "Everything is as fine as it can be under the circumstances. I know this is tough for you but you need to listen to what I am going to say once and for all, your fretting about my health is not good for either of us. The surgery knocked me for six. I'm exhausted most of the time at present but that is not going to last for ever, you just have to be patient with me. Remember what Patrick told us, he told us that it could take weeks for things to settle down, get back to normal".

"I'm sorry, I know you have told me all this before but its just that" Aaron paused before continuing "its just that I want you back to normal now, I want my old Robert back. I hate seeing you the way you are now. You barely eat. You've tired all the time. You not steady on your feet. I can't bear it. It hurts me so much to see you suffering like this, I feel so helpless that I can't do anything to make you better".

Robert moved over to Aaron and put his arms around him, he held him tightly in his embrace. Aaron nestled his head in that special place just on Robert's shoulder and under his chin. He could feel one of Robert's hand move upwards to cradle the back of his neck, lightly caressing him as he spoke. "You are doing a brilliant job looking after me. It means the world to me knowing I have you by my side, taking care of me when I can't look after myself. Stop beating yourself up, that the last thing you should be doing. I need time to heal that's all. In a few months time I will be like my old self again going a hundred miles per hours".

Aaron smiled. "You don't have to go that far. A toned down version would be nice, one that doesn't work all hours God sends".

"I think I could manage that".

Aaron moved so he could place a tender kiss on Robert's lips. He looked into his husbands eyes and smiled. "I'll hold you to that".

They finished off breakfast before moving to the Sofa to enjoy another brew before the onslaught began. 

..............................................................................................

The next few hours were like a whirlwind for Robert. Vic and Ellis brought Seb and the cake round at 11am just as Chas and Marlon starting bring the food round. Within half a hour the Mill began filling up as Dingle after Dingle started to arrive. Robert still found it amazing after all these years just how many there were of them. His family was minute in comparison. It was just as chaotic as he had feared, the noise reverberated around him. The only consolation was that Seb was having a whale of a time. The little boy was on the floor in front of him, Aaron beside him opening his presents. Seb had been spoiled rotten, at this rate Robert mused they would need a bigger house just for this toys. 

Robert sat on the sofa, person after person had come to sit next to him, all asking the same question, how are you, he had done his best to be sociable but it was wearing thin after the umpteenth time he had said the same thing over and over again, he wondered how long it would be before he could make his escape without offending anyone. He'd done his best not to let Aaron down by not being rude to people who were only trying to be nice but his head was starting to ache, he longed for peace and quiet.

Robert could see that Aaron was enjoying himself, surrounded by his family, laughing and joking, he looked so happy. Robert smiled to himself. He found that despite his misgivings about the party he couldn't for one moment begrudge Aaron this day but then he mused there wasn't anything he could deny him, he was to far gone for that. He still couldn't quite understand how it had happened, how this man had taken such a powerful grip on his heart to the extent that he knew he couldn't bear to be without him. On paper they were miles apart in so many ways but he knew that he loved him so much that he would protect him with his life, there was nothing he wouldn't do for him. He was so deep in his reverie that he didn't realise for one minute that somebody else had sat down next to him again. When he regained his focus once more he realised that it was Nicola.

Nicola had been waiting for her moment. She had decided a while back that Robert had outlived his usefulness at the Haulage company and she wanted him out only for Jimmy to veto her about getting rid, but now when it looked like Robert was going to be on the sick for a while she had managed to persuade Jimmy that he needed help in the interim to cover Robert's absence. She had already lined someone up. She was also adamant that she wasn't going to pay Robert whilst he was ill, no way did she want to shell out for him sitting on his backside doing nothing. She had decided to talk to him at the earliest moment possible but it had proved difficult, the party had turned out to be the first opening she had got to be near him. Now that she was in Robert's orbit it was proving difficult to get to him. There was always somebody around him. The Dingles had been talking to him nonstop since the Party began. She reflected that he looked pale and drawn, all the more reason to get rid, he didn't look like he would be back full-time any time soon. At long last she spotted an opening as Faith got up and left to get herself a drink. Nicola went over and sat down next to him before anybody else could get there.

"Great party Robert. Seb looks like he's having a wonderful time".

Robert looked over at his son. The little boy was sat on the floor in front of him happily playing with a monster truck that Aaron had bought him. "Yes, he's having a ball. Everybody has spoilt him rotten".

"I was wondering how you were. I don't want to say to much, I'm sure you have had enough of people telling you how ill you look, that it looks like its going to be a long time before you are back on your feet, months and months I would image".

Robert couldn't believe how unsubtle she was. "Well its going to take a while before I'm back firing on all cylinders, I think I will need to cut back on my workload going forward at first until I'm back in the swing of things".

Nicola couldn't believe her luck. Robert had given her the opening she wanted double quick. "Look the thing is that Jimmy is struggling to cope on his own and he needs help. Your obviously not going to be around anytime soon. An old friend of Jimmy's is at a loose end and he could step in to hold the fort for the foreseeable, maybe take over your role for the time being, as you just said you aren't going to want to work flat out at first, your health won't be up to it. Who knows maybe you will want to reconsider what you want to do in the future, I know that you haven't felt the same about the haulage company since you sold your shares to Joe Tate and lost part ownership of the firm". 

Robert inwardly smiled to himself. Whilst the Joe Tate situation had annoyed him intensely he had planned to have sorted that out, he had had his response mapped out only for Tate to have disappeared and ruin his revenge. He hadn't anticipated Nicola stabbing him in the back though when she had got his shares. She had scammed Graham when he had gone though his drunken period after Tate had up sticks, getting him to sign a share transfer document by mistake. The document had originally meant to have transferred the shares back to Robert but she had amended the paperwork so the shares went to her instead. So Nicola and Jimmy had lined up somebody to replace him. He had been planning to tell them he was quitting but this was a better option, he would let them have their moment of victory before he taught them the lesson they so richly deserved in the near future, he might have stepped away from his old life but he still wasn't going to let people walk all over him when it came to business. He decided to have some fun at her expense.

"Sounds to me like you have already decided to replace me"

"NO", Nicola got her voice under control. "No its nothing like that. We are just thinking of your health. You do look poorly you know, really poorly. We both want you to take all the time you need".

"Are you sure? I have been worrying about how the business will manage without me being there, how will you be able to cope without me, you know that the clients and I have a great rapport, that they rely on me to make sure that all their needs are met".

"Well it will be really tough, really, really tough but we will just have to manage, your health comes first. Honestly Robert we both are so worried about you, you need to put yourself first for a change, we would never forgive ourselves if we caused you to have a relapse by working you to hard. Aaron would have our guts for gaiters".

Robert had to admit that the woman was good if he didn't know her better he would think that the scheming cow really cared. "Really, that so thoughtful of you both, it means a lot that you and Jimmy so obviously care about me so much. You know I think you are right I do need to slow down, but the thing is I am loathe to let you both down, I know how much you both need me in the business. I have to stay after everything to have done for me, giving me a job when Tate took my shares, how could I repay you by leaving you in the lurch, I just couldn't do it?".

Nicola was aghast, this wasn't going as well as she had thought. "Honestly Robert you don't need to worry. We will both miss your expertise but we can't allow you to damage your health. We will manage if you need to step away for the sake of your wellbeing".

So she had finally got to the point, she wanted him out. Robert decided to wind her up a little bit more before letting her get what she wanted. "Are you sure about that, as I just said you have been so good to me, how could I desert you both by walking away from the haulage company?".

"You won't be letting us down. Its time for you to put yourself first for your sake and your family's. You need to think about your little boy, look at him don't you want to spend more time with him, have a better work life balance".

Robert decided he was getting bored with her, so he decided to move on and let her get what she wanted. "Well I didn't want to say anything since it made me feel so guilty about letting you down but I have been thinking along those lines, but are you really sure you wouldn't mind if I stepped away from the business, I mean it makes me feel really bad to throw your kindness back in your faces after you gave me a job when I lost my shares?".

Nicola could barely contain her glee. "I keep telling you we want what is best for you. We will miss you but we will cope. You have to think of yourself first".

"Well as long as you don't mind. It would be for the best in the long term if I quit. I don't think I am up to working the way I did going forward. The Doctor's have advised me to make adjustments to my life in the future".

Nicola had to prevent herself from shouting Hallelujah, this had turned out to be easier than she thought it was going to be. "I think you have made the right decision. Your health needs to come first. Maybe we could have a goodbye drink when your feeling up to it?"

"It might be a while before I am up to going to the Woolie".

"Well, when your ready"

Now that she had got what she wanted Nicola was keen to leave before Robert changed this mind. "Anyway I better get up and let somebody else have a chance to catch up with you, looks like Aaron wants a chat".

Nicola got up and went to find Jimmy to tell him the good news.

Aaron went and sat down next to Robert. 

"What did she want, she was talking to you a long time?".

"It was about the haulage company. I'll tell you later"

Aaron nodded. "How are you doing?".

"I think I have had enough company for one day. Do you think you can help me upstairs. I need a nap and some tablets".

"Well you've done well to last this long, I appreciate it".

Aaron made excuses for Robert leaving the Party saying he needed to rest and then helped Robert upstairs. He made sure that his husband was comfortable and wrapped up warmly. He then left to let his husband sleep.

 

......................................................................................

Robert felt he had barely been asleep for 5 minutes when there was a knock on the door. Diane poked her head through the door and asked if she could come in. Robert nodded yes.

"How are you pet, I was trying to talk to you downstairs but I kept missing the chance".

"Just tired, I need to sleep".

"Well I won't keep you long, I just wanted to have a quick chat with you about something".

"Can't it wait. I'm really tired".

"I sorry pet, but I need to get this off my chest. It about what you said to Aaron about your dad lying to me about what happened after you left the village, its really upset me".

Robert pulled himself up into a sitting position, he was still groggy from his nap. "What are you talking about?".

"When you were is hospital Aaron asked me if I knew anything about how you got a fractured skull when you were younger. I didn't want to talk to him about it at first, thought it was up to you to tell him the truth about what happened. When he got back he was sprouting something about you being attacked by some yobs which we both know wasn't true. You put me in a difficult position. I felt that in the end I had to tell him the truth about you being hurt in a car accident. Long story short he as good as told me I was lying about what you Dad said". 

Robert shook his head, he tried to focus on what Diane was saying. "I didn't know that you had a run it with Aaron".

"He wasn't pleasant. It was your fault. Why couldn't you have been honest with him?".

"I was"

"This is me your talking to Robert, I know you. That husband of yours might be gullible enough to believe your lies but I'm not. Your father told me the truth about what the police said about you causing a fatal accident due to drink driving".

Robert was fully awake now, he couldn't believe he was hearing this. "Did it ever occur to you that I might be the one telling the truth, that what I told Aaron was what actually happened?".

"What! believe you over your Dad, what do you take me for. Your forgetting that your Dad and me had firsthand experience of you when you were a kid, we could never believe a word you said half the time. Your Father and I used to despair over you at times".

Robert put his hands over his faced and sighed. He seemed to be doing this a lot later. "I'm to tired and ill to be having this conversation. I don't see the point anyway since you have made your mind up what is and isn't the truth. It was always like that when I was a kid, I was always in the wrong".

"That's because you were in the wrong. You weren't the easiest of boys, Robert, it was one thing after the other. You have only yourself to blame for how things turned out with your Dad, you pushed him to the point of no return once to often".

"That's right, I deserved everything I got like I always do because I'm Robert Sugden".

"There's no need to be like that. This is all down to you telling Aaron a pack of lies. Why couldn't you tell him the truth. I sure he would have been ashamed of you when he knew the truth about what you had done, those poor people dying because of you, but he deserves to be treated better than fed your lies. I'm sorry to have to say this but since you came back to the Village you don't seem to be able to be yourself. You always have to make out your better than you are, your not special Robert, when will you realise that people will still care about you even if your just ordinary like the rest of us".

Robert was getting upset now. He was so tired of Diane thinking it was ok to run him down, it was just like listening to his Dad's long ago lectures about him being a disappointment. He bitterly reflected that Diane's stance was the standard in Emmerdale. Aaron was the only one who believed in him in this godforsaken village he now called home again. Nobody believed that he had changed, to the villlagers he would always be the ugly duckling and never the swan, he would always remain ugly in their eyes. There was an edge to his voice when he asked "In what way am I making out I am better than I am?"

"You know what I mean".

"If I knew I wouldn't ask. Why don't you spell it out to me once and for all?"

"Are you sure you want to know, the truth can hurt".

Robert snapped. "YES"

"Well don't get upset then when I tell you as it is. You make out that you are this big business man. When you came back on the White's coat tails you made out you were the big I am lording it over everybody because you lived in the 'big house'. Chrissie told me the truth. If it wasn't for Lawrence giving you a job you would have been the same nobody you were when she met you".

"WHAT?"

"You didn't think that she told me the truth. You were nothing but a waiter when she met you. Working in some restaurant in Leeds. It was her that persuaded Lawrence to give you a job as a salesman in his agricultural business. He taught you everything you knew. Gave you that fancy job as Estate Manager at Home Farm. I bet he wished he hadn't bothered after the way you treated Chrissie. You hardly set the world alight with the haulage company either, you made a mess of things and had to sell your shares to Joe Tate, if it wasn't for Jimmy's kindness in bailing you out you would have ended up unemployed".

Robert couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew at the start of their conversation that he would be wasting his time telling Diane the truth. She would never believe one word of what he said anyway. He was really hurt, he felt the same despair that he had felt when he had been a boy growing up with his constantly disapproving and disappointed father who had never seen any good in him, who though the only thing he was fit for was the gutter. Robert reflected on the thoughts he had had over the years since he was come back to Emmerdale, He had a love hate relationship with the Village. There were times he believed that if it wasn't for Aaron he could cheerfully say goodbye to Emmerdale and the majority of people in it without a moments hesitation. Since he had been diagnosed with the brain tumour he had started to think about the past. There was a part of him that had begun to long for his previous life surrounded by people who didn't hurt him, who saw a different person, one that they liked and respected, people that he felt comfortable with to be himself. See the swan.

"Wow, thanks for not holding back, I bet you just couldn't wait to get that off your chest but at least you have finally admitted what you really think about me deep down, I won't have any more illusions that you actually give a damn about me".

"Robert...."

Robert cut Diane off, he had heard enough, he was no longer prepared to put up with everything in silence anymore. "Having this brain tumour has been the final wake up call I needed. I am not going to put up with any rubbish from anybody anymore. That includes you to. I am fed up with people thinking they can speak to me like I am nothing, that my feeling don't count. When it comes down to it you have never been on my side. When I was a kid it was always Dad, Andy and Vic. I was just the add on that you had to put up with for Dad's sake. You never truly gave a damn about me. When Dad kicked me out you never gave me a second thought wrote me off as if I never existed. I think that if you can't show me any respect going forwards then it will be best for everybody if you keep your distance in the future".

"You don't mean that?".

"I do, I am so sick and tired of you putting me down, you never miss an opportunity to tell me how disappointed you are in me, how ashamed my Mum, Dad and Sarah would be in me if they were still alive when you perceive that I have done something wrong. Contrary to what you think I do have feeling, it hurts when you lash out.

Robert paused to control his growing emotions. "I have had enough of people like you treating me like I'm nothing"

"Robert!"

"Please just go and leave me in peace".

Diane hesitated. The conversation hadn't gone the way she had intended. She could see that Robert was upset, that he was getting emotional. Diane nodded and left. She was upset herself. Robert had never turned on her like this before. It left her shaken to the core.

As soon as she was gone Robert put his face in the pillow and let go of his emotions, he began to sob. His head was pounding. First Nicola and now Diane. After a while he felt somebody place a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, through tear swollen eyes he saw his husband. There was concern written all over Aaron's face. Aaron laid down next to Robert and pulled him into his arms, holding him tight until his sobs subsided.

When Robert had calmed down Aaron spoke to him. "What's up, I saw Diane come down the stairs and she looked upset, just walked out without a bye or anything".

"We had words"

"Must have been pretty serious seeing that you are both so upset".

Robert rubbed his eyes. "She just wound me up once to often".

"What about?".

"She wasn't happy that you didn't believe her about the car accident. She's really touchy about Dad. You know that she has always put him on a pedestal, he's beyond reproach in her eyes. When you took my side over what happened she took it that I had made my Dad out to be a liar. It didn't go down well, I feel like telling her to stay the hell away from me going forward, I'm tired of all the 'disapproval' ".

"So she decided to have a go at you when you have barely been out of hospital five minutes. What the hell was she thinking, upsetting you like this. Its about time she learnt a few home truths about your precious Dad"

"Just leave it, ok. I don't want you talking to her about any of this. I've had enough. I just want us to concentrate on getting my health back and what we do ourselves going forward".

"If that's what you want, but I'm not happy about it. Diane has really upset you. By the way what was Nicola talking to you about, when she had finished talking to you she went over to Jimmy with this smug expression on her face, like the cat that had got the cream".

"I'll tell you later. I need to rest now. My head is pounding, I need to take some tablets and calm down".

Aaron fetched Robert some tablets and a glass of water. "It was to much wasn't it, the party and everything, I should have listened to you"

Robert could see that Aaron was upset, starting to blame himself as usual. "The party was fine, Seb has loved every minute so far, he's been one lucky little boy what with the presents and everything. You and your Mum have done a brilliant job making it all work. The decorations, the food, the cake it was spot on. Everybody seems to have had a brilliant time apart from Diane".

"Are you sure? You are not just saying all this stuff because you know its what I want to hear?".

"No. You really have been amazing. Seb is so lucky to have you as a Dad. Now go downstairs and play the host. I need to rest and sleep".

"You sure you are going to be OK?".

"Yes. Now go downstairs before Faith starts telling everybody we have disappeared for a quickie"

Aaron laughed. He reached over to kiss Robert gently on the check. He tucked the blanket around him tenderly to keep him warm. He stayed with him for a while until he was asleep and then left to rejoin the party.

.......................................................................................

Aaron snuggled up close to Robert in bed. His head was resting in its familiar place on Robert's chest, his arm draped over his waist. Robert had stayed upstairs for the rest of the day, not even coming down for Dinner. He had slept for hours. Freddie had somehow managed to sneak upstairs and snuggle up on the bed beside Robert. Aaron had turfed him off the bed when he had bought Robert some soup up later in the evening. Thankfully Robert had managed to eat most of it which had been a plus. 

Aaron was still worried that he had messed up. "Are you ok to talk?"

"A little. But nothing heavy".

"I want to apologise again about the party. I messed up. I should have realised that it would be to much, to soon. From now on we'll just chill until you are feeling better. I know that I have been expecting to much to soon".

"Will you stop apologising. I told you earlier that everything was ok. Today was for Seb and he loved it. Don't say sorry for being a brilliant Dad to our little boy".

"But it made you really ill. You looked terrible earlier on. Even though you didn't say it I could see that you were in a lot of pain from your headache".

"It was my own fault, I didn't take my tablets when I should have and I got myself wound up, stressed myself out".

"Did you mean what you said about Diane earlier, are you really going to cut her out of our lives?".

"I don't know. I just have had enough of her playing the 'disappointed card'. I know in the past that I have let her rub my nose in it but today, I don't know, I just didn't want to hear it anymore. I'm so tired of the way people think its ok to treat me badly as if they can say what they like and my feelings don't matter, that I deserve it because I'm me. Having had this brain tumour has really, really hit me so hard. I feel so helpless at the moment. I know I have had close calls before, being shot, hit by a car, Lachlan and the carbon monoxide poisoning and they have all made me contemplate things, reassess my life but this brain tumour was just one thing to many. I know that things in life are never perfect but what we have is as close as you can get. Before I had the brain tumour if anybody had asked me I would have said I was truly happy, things were so good and then I got ill and I felt that life was playing the same cruel trick on me that it always has since I was a kid. I get to be happy for a while then something always comes along and ruins everything. I so tired Aaron of having to pick up the pieces, of having to be strong and fight my way back up again. I'm running out of strength and it terrifies me".

Aaron changed position and pulled Robert into his arms, he was shocked to the core hearing Robert talk this way. It torn him apart to see Robert like this, so vulnerable, and openly showing his inner pain. "Hey, everything is going to be fine. I've got you, I am going to be here for you, I will protect you and keep you safe just like the way you have always done for me".

Robert looked deeply into Aaron's eyes. "You will?"

"Yes of course I will. I love you so much, I am going to take care of you. God help anybody who disses you in future they will have me to answer to".

Robert smiled. He moved even closer to Aaron, felt Aaron's arms tightened around him. He allowed himself to relax. Let the tension leave him.

"Talking about people giving you a hard time you told me that you would tell me what Nicola was talking about. She was monopolising you for ages?".

"She was telling me in that not so subtle way of hers that my services were no longer required at the haulage company".

Aaron exploded. "SHE WHAT!".

"Apparently she and Jimmy have lined somebody up to replace me"

"What a cow. Did you turn round and tell her you were going to quit anyway, that she could stick her job where the sun doesn't shine".

"No. I just made her squirm a bit, wound her up, making it difficult for her to get what she wanted, it was quite entertaining".

"You're got a weird sense of humour at times. Wait till I see her, I'll give her what for, after all the hours you put into that business, it would have gone down the pan without you".

"Don't bother, I'm well rid. I told you I was quitting away. In the New Year we will concentrate on the scrap yard. If your up for it we can step up the business take it places".

Aaron nodded. "Your on".

"Just think when the business starts to go places leaving Home James in the shade we can well and truly rub Nicola's nose in it".

"You really think that we can make a real go of it?"

"Of course we can. You and me together, we can achieve anything we want".

Aaron smiled. "Can't wait".

Aaron reflected a moment before adding "Things are going to get better aren't they?".

Robert looked at Aaron trying to gauge his mood before answering "I think that in time everything will get back to normal. I know that things are tough at the moment, it can't be easy for you to put up with me the way I am. I'm all over the place emotionally".

"It's ok. You know you are allowed to be human from time to time. You don't always have to be strong. Let me be the strong one until you are better".

Robert felt his eyes welling up. He struggled to maintain his composure. "Thank you. I really mean that, I don't know how I would cope without you. You were brilliant today with Seb, he is so lucky to have you in his life. He adores you".

"Your welcome and loving Seb its easy, he's your little boy, he another part of you and you know how much I care about his Dad".

Robert tentatively asked. "Do you think we are enough though for him, that we can compensate for him losing his mum?"

Aaron thought about the best way to phrase this. He certainly didn't think that Seb would suffer but he was aware of Robert's emotional difficulties on this subject. "All we can do is always be there for Seb, to love and protect him, help him when he needs us, be supportive when things go wrong, give him a shoulder to cry on when he's been dumped and embarrass him like mad as only parents can". 

"Sounds good".

"It is good, we will be the best parents we can be. We both know what we needed ourselves as kids, what we missed out on and between us we will make sure that Seb never has our childhoods. 

Robert smiled. "I love you Aaron Sugden-Dingle".

"I love you more Robert Sugden-Dingle".

"Not possible".

"Yes it is. Are we really going to argue about this?".

Robert shook his head. He snuggled up next to Aaron and closed his eyes. Before long Robert was asleep. Aaron stayed awake a little longer, enjoying the closeness, he enjoyed having his husband back where he was meant to be safely in his arms.


	9. Christmas 2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Eve and Christmas Day 2019.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it's Christmas lots of fluff and no angst.

Christmas Eve

Aaron was staring at his dinner. It wasn't what he had been expecting. It was obvious that Robert had gone to a lot of trouble to cook something fancy for their Christmas Eve meal but the truth was he would have preferred a pizza. Aaron looked up from contemplating what was on his plate and noticed that both Robert and Liv were staring at him with bemused expressions on their faces. Both of them had made a start on their meal, his was the only plate untouched.

Liv shook her head at him. "You should start eating before your dinner goes cold".

Aaron prodded the fish. "I'm not sure I am going to like it, its looks like something they would serve at that snooty French restaurant Robert dragged me to in the Summer".

Liv looked at Robert. "You never took him somewhere really posh for a meal?".

Robert replied. "I did, more fool me, I still haven't got over how ungrateful he was afterwards. The restaurant had two Michelin stars and he complained later that nothing came with chips and the waiters were stuck-up!".

Liv laughed. "You should take me next time and leave him at home with a microwave meal, what a peasant".

Aaron glared at Liv. "There is no shame in likely proper down to earth grub".

Robert watched as Aaron still didn't start to eat. "Honestly its not going to bite. It's just Halibut with a bit of cream sauce with almonds sprinkled on top. After all the trouble I've gone to you could at least take a bite, you never know you might actually like it and if your good and eat up there's a really nice dessert waiting for you!"

Aaron pretended to be nonchalant when he answered. "What's have you made for dessert then?".

"Mince pie flavoured soufflé with ice cream in the middle. But dessert is strictly off limits if you don't eat your main course, non negotiable".

Liv sniggered. Robert had started using the same tactics with Seb when he messed with his food".

Aaron took a tentative bite. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, in fact it was amazing. He shrugged his shoulders, he wasn't going to admit that he liked it, he would never hear the end of it. "It's ok, I still rather of had pizza but I guess it will do".

Robert and Liv burst out laughing. Robert shook his head at Aaron. "If I didn't know you better I would say you actual like dinner but you are being to stubborn to admit it because your Aaron Sugden-Dingle and you don't do fancy food!".

Aaron shrugged his shoulders again and laughed. "Ok, it not bad, it tastes better than I thought it would but I'm only eating it because I really want that dessert".

Robert just looked at him. Aaron could be as grumpy as he liked but he knew him to well to be fooled. He watched Aaron eat, noticing how his husband savoured each mouth full and smiled to himself.

The rest of the meal passed smoothly. Liv scarpered as soon as she had finished eating, claiming she had last minute wrapping to do. 

Aaron shook his head. "My dear sister has managed yet again to swerve the washing up. I think we should make her some New Year Resolutions, the first on the long list would have to be start helping out with the chores".

"Good luck with that".

Aaron started to clear away. Robert went to help.

"It's ok. I'll tidying up, its the least I can do after you cooked dinner. Why don't you go and sit on the sofa and I'll join you in a minute".

Robert did as he was told for a change. When Aaron had finished he came and joined Robert on the sofa. He rested his head against Robert's shoulder and felt the reassuring touch of his husband's arm being wrapped around him. He sighed in contentment.

Aaron broke the silence. "Thanks for dinner. I wasn't expecting anything so elaborate. I thought you would go for something simple since you will be cooking tomorrow as well".

"I just fancied doing something different. It seems ages since I did any serious cooking" 

"Well if you insist on cooking I'm not going to stop you as long as you feel well enough".

Aaron paused before he continued. "Look I know I didn't say much during the meal but it was amazing, it was really incredible, thank you".

"Even if it was fancy muck?".

Aaron laughed "Even then".

They settled down in silence once more. Both enjoying the peace and quiet.

"Robert"

"Em"

"I was thinking, I don't recollect you telling me how you learnt to cook the way you do, did you go on a cookery course or something?".

"No courses as such. When I was at university up in Durham I worked part-time at a French restaurant to help pay my way. They started me off washing pots and peeling vegetables then they decided to let loose on the cooking side of things. The Head Chef was really brilliant, I got a first class tutorial from him in how to cook from starters through to desserts".

"He did a fantastic job in teaching you how to cook. Did you like working at the restaurant?".

"I did, it was really hard work but I loved it. There were a great bunch of people working there, they made me feel welcome, one chef in particular is still a good friend".

"I wasn't aware that one of your friends is a chef, which one is he?".

"Its Francois, you met him when I took you to that French restaurant a few months ago".

"Right, I remember him now. I wondered why he came out to talk to you during dinner, seemed a bit weird at the time".

"He was saying hello to his friend, that's what polite sociable people do when they like each other"

Aaron decided to play devil's advocate. "Nice looking lad isn't he?"

"Checking him out were you?".

"No. Not my type, I prefer blonds!".

Robert laughed, he'd twigged Aaron's motives a sentence ago. "Just as well as he's one hundred percent straight".

Aaron relaxed. Right answer.

"You've known him long, you seemed really comfortable when you were talking to him?".

"Since I was 21. He had just got the job at the restaurant up in Durham a few weeks before I started. He came in as a trainee chef. We got on well from the start".

"If you met him in Durham how did he end up in Leeds?"

"He went on holiday in Italy and met a lass from Leeds. He was totally smitten and moved to be near her. It would have been about 6 years ago now. Since he was making a fresh start he decided to go for it big time and open his own restaurant".

"He's done well for himself. Even a philistine like me has heard of the restaurant, got two Michelin stars according to the blurb online". 

Robert looked incredulous "Why was Aaron Sugden-Dingle 'I don't eat salmon' doing checking out a posh French restaurant online, It usually takes me weeks to persuade you to go anywhere posh with me and then I have to promise you the earth in return".

Aaron smirked. "You'll like this. A while back when he was still around I heard Joe Tate mention to Debbie that he was going to take her to this posh French restaurant in Leeds, apparently it was the must go place to eat, the dick was obviously trying to showing off. I heard him ring up to book a table, then judging from his reaction they must of told him that they were fully booked up because he then started to go through the do you know who I am spiel, blar blar blar and that they should check their bookings again. Anyway from what I gathered they didn't give a damn who he thought he was and he was told there was a three month waiting list so out of curiosity I thought I'd Google the restaurant. I was really surprised when I twigged that it was one that you have taken me to, the same one as a few months ago, the thing though that really made me laugh to myself was that you never seemed to have any problems getting a table".

"That's because it's Francois's restaurant".

"Right. So is it really that long a waiting list, you didn't get Francois to ban him?".

"No I didn't even think to bother to have him vetoed, didn't think he'd go there and yes there is a waiting list, but its currently closer to four months at the moment".

"Wow. It's impressive then that you can get a table anytime you want. Francois must really like you. Just when I think I know you I find something else pops up that I had no idea about".

Aaron was serious for a moment. "You know that I think you are amazing, don't you?".

Robert beamed, this was out of the blue, it was rare that Aaron paid him compliments, Robert guessed that Aaron figured he was smug enough already without inflating his ego anymore. "You do, do you?"

Aaron nodded his head. He moved out of Robert's arms so he could face him. He leaned forward and kissed Robert on the lips. The kiss started off tenderly before it developed into a more passionate one, the intensity of which left them both breathless. Aaron was the first one to draw back. He stood up and offered his hand to Robert. Robert smiled and took hold of his husband's hand so Aaron could help him up from the sofa. He pulled Robert into his arms.

Aaron spoke. "So do you fancy a early Christmas present?".

Robert nodded.

"Upstairs now then".

Robert laughed and started walking upstairs with his husband closely following behind him.

................................................................................

Christmas Day

Robert slowly came awake. When he managed to focus he noticed that Aaron was wide awake watching him. "What time is it?"

"About 9am".

"What, why didn't you wake me sooner, I wanted to get up and start getting thing ready for dinner".

"I thought you could do with the rest after last night. I seem to recall that we didn't go to sleep straight away, took us a while to nod off".

"I wonder why that was?".

Aaron smiled, last night had been brilliant, whilst Robert still wasn't back to full health he was finally getting closer to being more like his old self. The last check-up had been good, no signs that the brain tumour was coming back and the Doctor's were pleased with his progress so far. It truth it was the best Christmas present Aaron could have hoped for. "I don't recall you objecting at the time!".

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings".

Aaron laughed. "You really expect me to believe that?"

Robert shook his head. "No, its was a great way to start Christmas, we should make it a tradition.. Anyway as much as I would like an encore I better get up and start getting things ready. I'm surprised that Seb hasn't woken up yet".

"He's awake, he's with Liv downstairs. I got him up a hour ago, then came back to bed. I thought I would stay with you until you woke up. So I could say Happy Christmas properly".

"How do you intend to do that then?".

For a reply Aaron lent over and kissed Robert. All though's of getting up were put on hold.

..................................................................................................

Robert was busy in the kitchen preparing Christmas Dinner. The turkey and beef were already in the oven and he was starting to peel the vegetables. He glanced over to the living area and watched as Aaron and Liv played with Seb and his new toys. More cuddly toys, trucks, bricks and a talking rabbit. Robert reflected that it was a good job that he had bought some educational toys or his son's brain wouldn't get any use at all. Aaron glanced upwards and saw Robert watching them. He got up and joined Robert in the kitchen.

"Seb's having a wonderful time. He really is a lovely natured little boy. Always happy".

Robert reflected on what Aaron said. "He is isn't he. We are really lucky to have him aren't we".

Aaron gave Robert's arm a quick rub. "He's also very messy. I better clear up the wrapping paper before Mum and Paddy get here, the flat looks like a bomb's hit it and Freddie has made things worse by ripping up the paper even more, that dog's a menace".

Aaron sniffed. "I can start to smell the turkey cooking. I'm really looking forward to dinner. I'm starting to get hungry already, I might eat one of those mince pies".

"Leave them alone. Anyway how can you be hungry after what you had for breakfast. Eggs Royale plus lots of toast. If you eat anymore now it will ruin your appetite for later".

"Spoilsport, it is Christmas you know, everybody is allowed to eat their own bodyweight today and I wouldn't be so hungry if you hadn't worn me out, its your fault I've built up an appetite".

Liv made a gagging noise in the background. "Gross out warning, I am in the room you know and I have good hearing. Your son is in the room to, the poor lad, he will be scarred for life listening to you two talk about your weird goings on".

Robert and Aaron both looked at each other. Liv had a way of overhearing things that she wasn't meant to. 

Robert spoke. "You shouldn't have such big ears, little girls should be seen and not heard you know".

Liv stuck her tongue out at him, then laughed.

Aaron and Robert spoke at the same time. "Charming". 

Robert decided to get his own back, it was time for a wind-up. "Anyway while I think about it have either of you taken Freddie out for a walk yet, he's needs some exercise sometime today or he will be an absolute what was it you called him oh yes menace?"

There was a conspicuous silence emanating from both Aaron and Liv.

"Right, I'll take that as a no then. You know this wasn't the deal when we got a dog. You both promised that you would walk him, feed him and clean up after him, that's the only reason I capitulated".

Aaron scowled. "It's Christmas Day. We had to help Seb unwrap his presents and then play with him. It wouldn't hurt for one day if we didn't take Freddie out for a walk".

Robert wasn't impressed. "He needs a walk like now or he will be hyperactive later and while you are at it you can take Seb to, let him get some free air as well. Just go for a hour and don't get either Seb or the dog dirty".

Aaron started to protest further but Robert wasn't backing down. He gave in ungraciously. When Liv smirked he decided to made her come along as well. 

Aaron grumbled. "So what are you going to do when we have gone since you seem keen to get rid of us?".

"I'm going to prepare and cook dinner and enjoy the peace and quiet until the in-laws descend on me".

Aaron, Liv, Seb and Freddie made their way out. Before they left Robert made it quite clear that they should get further than the Pub.

............................................................................

Robert, Chas, Paddy and Liv sat on the sofa and chairs whilst Aaron sat on the floor with Seb, helping him play with his toys. Robert looked at them both, his two favourite people in all the world and mused that Aaron seemed to be enjoying himself more than Seb, beneath the grumpy exterior he presented to the outside world Aaron was a big kid at heart. 

They were all stuffed. Christmas dinner had been a resounding success. The cheesecake that Robert had made as a lighter alternative to the Christmas Pudding had had them all in raptures. Paddy had already mapped out a plan to have another slice later on. 

Robert was starting to nod off.

Aaron spotted him looking drowsy, he started to panic, old fears resurfacing from when Robert had been ill. "Robert are you ok?"

Chas and Paddy turn to look at Robert, concern written over both their face. They all breathed a sigh of relief when he replied. "I'm fine, I was just nodding off. I just had to much dinner, I feel so stuffed and its making me feel sluggish".

Chas interjected. "You not the only one. It was a really fabulous meal and the cheesecake was to die for. You'll have to let me have the recipe to give to Marlon so we can put it on the dessert menu at the Woolie".

Paddy snorted. "Is that wise. You know how prickly he gets when you make suggestions about his menu's. He got really touchy when he overheard you telling Aaron how lucky he was having such a brilliant cook like Robert fixing him dinners all the time and it didn't go down well when you suggested to Aaron that if Robert was at a loose end work wise he could lend a hand in the kitchen when Marlon was off".

Chas replied. "Tough. Its not my problem if he's got a fragile ego and the truth is Robert is the better cook"

Paddy was horrified "You can't tell him that!"

Chas looked at Paddy "So when he asks if you had a good Christmas dinner, what are you going to tell him then, that it was horrible and not up to his exalted standards?"

Paddy tried to reason with Chas "Well I will say it was ok but I won't be gushing. He gets really prickly as I just told you if I start going on about Robert's cooking being good, he thinks I am stabbing him in the back".

Chas carried on the conversation "So you will let him think that we had a ok meal when we both know that it was incredible. Isn't it a bit hypocritical of you especially when you plan to have another helping of cheesecake because it was out of this world?".

Aaron and Robert watched on smiling as they listening to Chas and Paddy bicker. Robert believed that it was these types of conversations that made everything seem normal again after his health scare, people were at last stop tiptoeing around him. Even though they had come from a good place he had to admit that he had grown sick to death of all the well meaning how are you's. Hearing this mundane chat meant that at long last things were on the up again, people were starting to treat him the way they had before he was ill. 

Aaron decided to wade in before the bickering spiralled to far. "I don't think Robert will mind you wrapping Marlon's ego up in cotton wool. We are both glad that you had a lovely dinner".

Seb choose this moment to play with his talking Bunny.

It stopped them all in their tracks. They all laughed.

Chas asked "Who on earth bought him that. It's going to drive you crazy".

Aaron and Robert again spoke at the same time. "Liv!".

Liv didn't look the least bit contrite, she smirked. "In my defence it's the must have toy this year".

Chas replied "Won't it annoy you as well?".

Liv shook her head "No and if it does I always have my ear plugs ready".

Chas looked at her "Ear plugs!"

Aaron and Robert looked aghast at where this conversations was heading. They could see that Liv was enjoying herself at their expense. Payback for all the gross out moments she claimed they subjected her to.

Aaron decided to quickly change the subject before it became embarrassing. "How about a nice film to help us digest dinner? Paddington is on soon, Seb loves it".

Chas gave Aaron a knowing look, she knew when she was being fobbed off. Mercifully she decided to let them get away with it without a ribbing.

Aaron swiftly turned the TV on before anymore could be said and they all settled down to watch the film in peaceful silence. This was his family altogether, the people that he loved the most in all the world under one roof. As Christmases went he reflected this one was turning out to be a really good one.

..............................................................................

Aaron laid in Robert's arms in the comfort of their bed. It was getting close to midnight, the end of Christmas Day. As Christmases went this one was the best they had had together.

Aaron spoke "You still awake?".

"I am now!".

"Your weren't asleep!".

"Why did you ask then?"

Aaron shook his head. His husband could be a right Muppet sometimes. "I just wanted to talk a bit before we went to sleep".

"Ok. What about?".

"I just wanted to thank you for everything. You know this has to be the best Christmas we have had together. Everything was as close to perfection as you could get. Dinner was amazing, you surpassed yourself and I appreciate the effort you made with Mum and Paddy, I know that they haven't always been kind to you but you were brilliant with them, you made them welcome and they had a fabulous time".

"Their your family, I know how much they both mean to you and I wanted this Christmas to be special for you and in truth they are not that bad in small doses".

Aaron pulled a face "Charming, at least they made the effort to spend the day with us which was more than Diane and Vic did. I still can't believe they didn't come round to wish you a Happy Christmas this morning".

"Well, in their defence they did go to a hotel for the day so they had to have an early start this morning so they could get there in time, anyway they did phone to wish me happy Christmas when you were out walking Freddie"

"Still after you had been so ill recently you would have thought they would have made more of an effort than one phone call".

"Well things are still a bit tricky. Diane's still upset about the run-in we had at Seb's Birthday Party and Vic's taken her side to a certain extent".

"Typical of Vic these days, she's been a lousy sister to you since she found out about Moira and Adam, what makes it worst is that none of it was your fault, you had no idea what had kicked off yet she's blamed you for everything. She is so in the wrong".

"Maybe but lets not talk about it now. They have made their choices and its up to them. I really enjoyed our Christmas Day despite them. We got to spend it with the people closest to us, the people that matter most, you had your parents, then there was our sister and our little boy. It was our special family altogether".

Aaron glowed inside when he heard this. It meant so much. "You forgot to mention the dog. You spoilt his highness rotten today, more than normal. I still can't believe you gave him a plate of Christmas dinner, for somebody who makes out he's not that fussed about him you are the softest of us all with that mutt".

Robert laughed "He is super cute though. Like a teddy bear and he really loves me".

"You think everybody loves you".

"Ouch".

Aaron move slightly so he could kiss Robert gently on the lips before settling back into his husband's arms. "Out of everybody I love you most of all".

"Wow, a I love you from the man that never says it much, it must be Christmas".

Aaron was serious for a while. "You know I'm not the one that's good with words, but you know how I feel about you don't you?".

"I know".

Now he had got talking about stuff Aaron continued to open up. "This Christmas has meant the world to me. When you told me that you were ill I was devastated. I was terrified that I was going to lose you. Then when you had the operation and came home you were still so ill I was torn in shreds seeing you suffer the way you did. It was heartbreaking to watch, but to see you now getting back to how you were before you became ill is the best Christmas present I have ever had. I want you to know that I love you so very much".

Robert could feel himself beginning to well up. It wasn't usual for his husband to speak like this but when he did it touched him to his very soul. "I love you to, you are my world Aaron. I'm so grateful for the way you took care of me when I was ill. You were amazing. I can't thank you enough for everything you did for me. I know I was a mess to begin with after the operation but you kept being there for me, helping me thought the worst, it meant the world to me".

"Is that why you spoilt me rotten this Christmas? You know you didn't need to. What I did in helping you was done because I love you, I wanted to take care of you. You would have done the same for me, what am I saying you have done the same so many times in the past over and over again. This time it was my turn to be there for you".

"So what are you saying, that I wasted my money on the presents. If you really feel that they were to much we could always return everything if you want, I have the receipts".

"Don't you dare. I loved everyone of my gifts, I wanted those trainers for ages but I just couldn't justify spending that much on them and the clothes are brilliant. The watch though was the best present, it was fantastic and you had it engraved to match your watch to, that was a nice touch. You know though despite all those presents being brilliant the best gift by a mile was the results of your recent scan, knowing that you are healthier and on the mend, it was the best news ever. In comparison my gifts didn't come close to what you have given me today".

Robert gently caressed Aaron shoulder and arm. "Your gifts were fine. Posh bath gel, posh aftershave and posh chocolates. They were perfect. One thing though and I'm not complaining you understand but you did buy me rather a lot of chocolates".

Aaron laughed. "It was part of my cunning plan. I was worried when you got out of Hospital that you were not eating enough and you kept getting thinner and thinner so I thought that if I bought you loads of chocolate it might help you put some weight on, you know that you have a sweet tooth".

Robert concurred. "I can't deny that I have a sweet tooth but that's just downright devious and everybody thinks I'm the shifty one"".

"Well I have learnt from the master so you only have yourself to blame".

Robert laughed. 

Aaron changed the conversation "You know Mum meant it about you helping out at the Woolie".

Robert grimaced. "What, working with Marlon and Vic. No thanks".

"Don't you fancy going back to your roots as a Chef. You would be brilliant at it".

"No way. Its too much hard work. A little while before I came back to the Village I helped Francois out for a bit when it was the early days of his restaurant, it reminded me what a slog it was working in a Kitchen nonstop and to add insult to injury if that wasn't bad enough making me work all hours from dawn till dusk he got me to wait tables for him as well".

Aaron laughed. "I can't see you waiting on tables".

"It was hard work. You know a lot of people are really rude to waiters. It took all my self control not to tell the arrogant gits to go forth and multiple".

Robert paused before continuing. "It was how I met Chrissie. I was helping Francois out, he was short staffed, several of his waiters had gone on the sick so he asked me to wait on tables for the night. Chrissie was dining there that evening. I remember that she was a right bitch, gave me a really hard time".

"Yet you ended up with her!".

"I know. I should have run for the hills when she came back to apologize the next day. I should have know then that she was toxic, that she should be avoided at all costs. If our first encounter hadn't been enough of a warning the point she was a no go area should have been reinforced when I met her family. Lawrence treated me like dirt from the very start".

Robert stopped for a moment, lost in recollection. "The thing is though whilst I should never of got together with her, I can't regret it now. If I hadn't met her, I would never have come back to Emmerdale and then I would never have met you and meeting you is the best thing that has ever happened to me".

It was Aaron's turn to well up. "I'm sorry if at times they made your life hell, but I can't wish either that you had never met them because if you hadn't as you said we would never have met. I don't even want to imagine what my life would have been like without you, it to painful for words".

Robert tightened his arms around Aaron. "Well we are together now and that's all that counts. You and me. What we have is more than I ever dreamed was possible to ever have. I love you more than life itself".

"I love you more".

Robert shook his head. "Not possible".

"You want to argue about this?"

"No. I wouldn't mind a kiss thought, just to see how much you really love me"

Aaron shook his head. "You don't miss a trick do you?"

Robert smiled but before he could reply Aaron chose that moment to compile with his husband's request. Aaron kissed his husband deeply, conveying all the love he felt for him deep in his heart. The kiss lasted for a long time until they could bring themselves to stop. They laid in each others arms, words no longer necessary as they both reflected on how lucky they were to have each other until sleep eventually came.


	10. New Year 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert, Aaron and Liv on New Year's Eve/Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff and chat

Aaron, Liv and Robert walked back to the Mill. Aaron was cradling Seb in his arms. He freed up one of his hands by changing how he was holding Seb so he could reach out and take hold of one of Robert's hands. Robert was startled at first, it wasn't like Aaron to do PDA's but he mused to himself that he wasn't going to complain. These rare shows of public affection meant even more because they seldom happened.

They had just watched the fireworks display to mark the beginning of 2020. Robert had doubted the wisdom of bringing Seb, knowing there would be hell to pay in the morning by disrupting his routine but Aaron had insisted. He had been adamant that he wanted his immediate family with him to celebrate the New Year. So Robert had capitulated and they had all gone just as Aaron wanted. Robert had to admit that Seb had loved every moment of the display cooing as the fireworks lit up the sky heralding in the first day of the New Year.

They walked in companionable silence until Liv broke the spell. "Well that's it, another year gone, lets hope that this one's not such a nightmare".

Robert looked at her, her words had surprised him "I know that there were a few bad things that happened but on reflection last year wasn't that bad overall".

Liv looked at him incredulously, Robert registered that there was an edge to her voice when she spoke. "Seriously, have you got amnesia or what, has having a brain tumour slipped your mind, we could have lost you. You had us worried sick for weeks. That is not my definition of a good year, its the complete opposite".

Robert was taken aback at the sharpness of her comments. As a conciliatory gesture to make up for what had turned out to be his careless words he put his spare arm around her shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Whilst Liv wasn't slow in making her opinions known it was rare for her to show her vulnerability like this, admit what she thought deep down, to acknowledge openly how much him being ill had upset her. In that respect she was a carbon copy of her brother, a female mini me.

Robert felt contrite . "I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound flippant or to dismiss how tough things were towards the end of the year but the best way for me to deal with stuff like that is to see the positives, everything has turned out ok in the end, no more brain tumour. The latest scans are really positive, the Doctor's are saying that I'm making good progress, that it will not be long before I am back to normal, I should be able to drive soon. I'm just grateful to have come through everything, so for me the year has ended on a positive note. All I just need now is for my hair to get a bit longer and I really will feel like my old self again".

Liv looked mollified, the quip about his hair even got a smile out of her. Robert put his arm around her again and pulled her close so they walked side by side. 

Aaron had remained quiet throughout their exchange. He reflected on how much progress Robert and Liv had made since their first meeting. There had been a time when his sister had literally told Robert she would only be happy when he was six feet under. Aaron shook his head, how times had changed. He wisely decided not to get involved in any heavy discussion with them both so opted to keep things light. "Typical of you to think about your hair, you are so vain it's untrue. I bet the thing that upset you the most was having a shaven patch on your head for weeks, that beanie never left your head when anybody was around"

Aaron glanced over and saw that Liv was smiling broadly now, he decided to continue with the wind up. "You know we would save a fortune if you quit the hair gel, plus it would mean that you wouldn't hog the bathroom in the mornings and whilst I'm at it lets not forget that fancy bath gel as well, it cost me a fortune at Christmas to stock you up on all your vanity products".

Robert entered into the spirit of things and mocked up looking like he had been mortally offended. 

Liv laughed at the pair of them. She wasn't hot on saying so but he loved them both dearly. These two very special men had given her a home where she felt loved and safe. They each had their strengths and weaknesses but combined they made a formidable team, so much so that she had allowed herself to believe that they would always be there for her. 

They finally reached the Mill. They could hear Freddie barking as he recognised their footsteps. 

Liv let them all in and Freddie started to jump up and run round them delighted that they were back. Robert seeing that Aaron was fretting about being tripped up with Seb in his arms solved the problem by scooping Freddie up in his arms leading to the dog trying his best to lick his face much to Aaron's disgust. Robert just laughed and cuddled Freddie doing his best to calm him down. Aaron made a note of not kissing his husband on the side of his face until he had scrubbed it clean with antibacterial soap. 

Once she was indoors, Liv had started to make for the stairs. She figured that there was every possibility that a gross out moment was imminent between Robert and Aaron, she had noticed the looks that they had being giving each other during the firework display and she wanted to avoid that at all costs. She grimaced as she recollected catching them getting amorous last New Year. No way was she up for a repeat.

Robert called to her. "Hey where are you going, I was going to make us all a hot chocolate".

Liv paused in her tracks. "Proper hot chocolate, not the packet stuff?".

Robert replied. "Yes, plus we have got some whipped cream in the fridge plus marshmallows".

Aaron shook his head. "You and your sweet tooth. It's amazing that your still skin and bones after all the chocolate you have put away lately!".

Robert smirked, he was just about to say why he hadn't put on weight when he remembered that Liv was present so he changed track to safer ground that wouldn't make her mimic gagging. "So what are you saying, that I shouldn't being making hot chocolate for us since you disapprove of my love of sweet things?".

Aaron gave him his stare and backtracked, he really wanted that hot chocolate. Blast Robert for twisting his words, smart alec, he'd have words later about him being a wind up merchant. "I don't recall saying that".

Robert and Liv both smirked at his disappointed little face rueing that he could be missing out on a treat. They burst out laughing much to his annoyance.

"Charming, the pair of you are ganging up on me now. Great start to the New Year this is".

Aaron decided the best tactic would be to retreat out of their way, he knew when he wasn't going to win against the pair of them. "Anyway whilst you are preparing the drink I think I will put this little one to bed".

Aaron looked at the bundle in his arms. Seb was fast asleep. After the fun of the fireworks he had been wide awake but the walk back to the Mill had slowly calmed him down and he had closed his eyes and nodded off. Robert went over and kissed his son on the top of his head, quietly wishing him a goodnight before Aaron whisked him away.

Whilst Aaron took their little boy upstairs, Robert started to prepare the hot chocolate. Liv sat at the kitchen table watching him in companionable silence. She loved watching him in the kitchen, she marvelled at how easy he made everything look, like one of those TV chefs.

Robert's voice woke her from her reverie. "I am sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to upset you. I should have chosen my words more carefully. I know it was hard for you seeing me so ill, I really wish that I could have spared you and Aaron that. I am so grateful for the way you both looked after me. It meant the world to me".

Liv found herself beginning to tear up at Robert's words. He seemed to be able to say stuff that she knew both she and Aaron found difficult, he could be open about his feelings with them. When she thought about it she realised that she couldn't remember a time when she had actually told Robert how much she loved him, not properly. The words always seem to stick in her throat, she always hoped that he knew, just like he knew deep down that Aaron loved the bones of him. "You are always doing stuff for me so I was glad to help you for a change, not that I wanted you ill like that". Before she could stop herself she blurted out "You do know that I love you don't you?".

Robert was stopped in his tracks. He turned round to look at Liv and saw how emotional she was. He stopped what he was doing and moved to the kitchen table and sat down next to her. Concern in his eyes. "Where is this all coming from?"

Liv couldn't meet his eyes, but now that she had broken the ice she couldn't stop the words tumbling out of her in a torrent. "Aaron wasn't the only one that was devastated when you got ill. I thought that I was going to lose you to and it hurt, it hurt so much and I kept thinking that I had never told you how much you meant to me and how grateful I was for everything you had done for me. I know I was a nightmare at first, made your life as difficult as possible, went out of my way to cause trouble between you and Aaron, yet you never gave up on me, you kept fighting my corner, even when I tried to get you sent to prison you somehow managed to forgive me and then there is the way you helped me with my exams, gave me the confidence and the belief that I was just as good as anyone else, that I could pass. I was so worried that you were going to die and that you would never know how much I cared".

Robert breathed deeply, Liv's words had hit him for six, this was so unlike her, he was overwhelmed with what she had said. He put his arms around her and held her close, rubbing her back just like he did Aaron's when he wanted to comfort him. "It means the world to me hearing you say what you just have, thank you, but you know I had sussed it out that maybe you did care about me a little even when you try to hide it so well.. You are so like Aaron, underneath the grumpiness you are every bit as soft as he is, have the same heart of gold. That why I love you both so very much".

Liv could feel the tear flowing freely now. She felt Robert's arms tighten even more around her. He gently kissed the top of her head. After a while she managed to get her emotions under control. She sniffed. Robert reached into a pocket and produced a tissue. She gratefully took it and blew her nose. Robert mused that at least one of the siblings had learnt not to use their sleeve. Robert make sure that Liv had calmed down, giving her another kiss on the head and a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder before going back to preparing the hot chocolate.

Liv was abashed about her emotional outpourings. "Sorry about that, I don't know what come over me, being such a sap".

Robert turned round to look at her. "You can be as big a sap as you like with me you know. I will never ever think any less of you, I promised you I will always be around for you whenever you need me, you can always tell me anything, I will never judge you".

Liv found talking hard again, so she just nodded her thanks.

Robert reflected further. "You know I think that a lot of what you are feeling can be put down as the New Year blues, people often dwell on the past at this time of the year especially the worst bits and it makes them sad. I know that there are some people who are always optimistic that everything is going to be perfect because its a New Year and everything is suddenly going to change for the better because they see it a 'fresh start' but I think you are more pragmatic like me, that we see New Year for what it really is, just another day, we don't think that a magic wand is going to be waved and transform things over night but that its just a continuance of what's gone on before.

Aaron spoke startling them both, they had been so wrapped up with each other they hadn't heard him come downstairs. "Wow that sounds bleak". He looked at them both and noticed that Liv looked like she had been crying. "Is everything ok?".

Robert spared Liv the difficulty in answering. "Everything is fine, nothing to worry about. Come and help me put the finishing touches to the hot chocolate". 

Aaron wasn't convinced with the answer but he decided to let it drop for now. By the look on Liv's face she wasn't going to talk about it anyway. He complied with Robert's request. 

They all sat on the sofa drinking their hot chocolate. They chatted amiably for a while as they drank. Laughing at comments that they all made about the antics of some of the villagers who had been the worst for wear due to drink. Both Liv and Aaron enjoyed teasing Robert about Faith's latest amorous feel of this thigh. When she had finished drinking Liv got up, gave her brothers a hug, told them she loved them and wished them a Happy New Year before she went upstairs to give them some 'me time'.

Aaron looked bemused. "What was that all about?".

"What was what all about?".

"Liv, since when did she get so soppy?"

Aaron looked closely at Robert as he further added. "Your a bad influence on her!".

"I might of known it would be my fault. You could follow suit you know, tell me that you love me, really, really love me, there's no shame in admitting that I am your whole world, that I'm the love of your life, that you couldn't image life without me, that every breathe you take is for me".

Aaron huffed putting a stop to Robert's flow of words. "Dream on. If I didn't know any better I would swear that you laced your hot chocolate with alcohol, your brain's fuddled".

Robert looked at Aaron with that knowing smug look on his face that could wind Aaron up at times especially when he was spot on in his thinking. "Your such a fraud you know. You might not say it but I know what I just said is what you think deep down".

Aaron nodded. "I know you do because you are a smug git". Aaron hesitated before continuing. "But I guess it wouldn't hurt me to say stuff more, put into to words what I feel, I do love you, you know".

"I know".

Aaron leant over to Robert and gently kissed him on the lips. He lingered for awhile before moving back. Whilst he had every intention of celebrating New Year by making love to his husband he wasn't really yet to let their passion take hold, he wanted to talk some more.

"What was wrong with Liv earlier?".

"Em?"

"Liv, she seemed upset".

"You know what it's like at New Year, everybody going over the past. I think that the last few months caught up with her, it's hardly been fun for her with me having been ill, I think she was having a dose of the New Year blues".

"She ok now?".

Robert considered what to say, he knew Liv told him stuff that she didn't always want her brother to know. "Yes, I had a chat with her and she seems better. I obviously touched a nerve with what I said on the way back to the Mill".

"It hurt her a lot you know, you being ill. She was in a right state when she found out you had a brain tumour and then she was worried sick before and after the operation. I know she doesn't always show it but she loves you so much, she thinks the world of you".

"Well I think the world of her to, I've grown to love her very much. Who would have thought it after our first meeting when she kicked me in the balls, I couldn't stand the sight of her back then".

Aaron laughed. "She was a right little wildcat wasn't she, but look how she is now. A lot of that is down to you. You take such good care of us both, we would be lost without you".

Robert reached over and gently caressed Aaron face. His fingers gently rubbing Aaron cheek. He kissed him on the forehead. Aaron craving more intimacy pushed Robert down on the sofa so he could lay in his arms. He manoeuvred himself so he could rest his head on Robert's shoulder just near the crook of his neck. Sensing his husband's need for closeness Robert placed his arms around him. One resting across his shoulders and the other tracing circles on his hip. Aaron responded by snuggling up closer, one of his hands crept under Robert's jumper so he could feel his skin under his hand, feel the warmth of his body.

Once Aaron was settled Robert replied. "It works both ways you know. I would be lost without you both. I do know for a fact that the only way I coped these last few months was down to you both".

"You would have coped, your the strongest person I know".

"Maybe, but I don't always want to be. It was nice having you both look after me, let someone else take charge".

"Yeh, right. It didn't last long. The better you got the more the control freak started to reappear, you love it when your dishing out orders, getting your own way"

"Ouch!"

Aaron changed positions slightly. "You know you really are going to have to put on more weight. I liked it when you were a bit softer, I've got bones now poking into me all over the place".

"Well, I am trying to put on weight but a certain somebody insists on me getting an awful lot of exercise which burns the calories off I've gained from eating all those chocolates he bought me"

"That's right blame me, its not like your fighting me off. I seem to recall you were the one that didn't let me get out of bed the other day".

Robert dwelt on what Aaron had just said before replying. "Its not bad is it. Five years on and we still can't keep our hands off each other".

"Mum told me the day of our wedding that I had hit the jackpot".

Robert was genuinely surprised. "What, with me!".

"Yes. She's actually likes you now. She finally realised that with you I'm the happiest of can ever be and deep down that is all she ever wanted for me so thankfully she got it into her head that you had to stay".

Robert felt the need for reassurance. "You are happy aren't you?".

"Cause I am. I have you Robert and then there's Liv and Seb. I have everything I have ever dreamt about. A dream that you against all the odds made come true".

Robert tightened his arms around Aaron, pressing him as close to his body as he could. "I'm happy too. You transformed my life. I'd given up hope that I would ever be truly happy again, decided just to settle for whatever scraps were on offer, knowing that they would never really give me the love I craved with all my heart and then I met you and you made me feel again. It scared me how much you meant to me from the start, I couldn't cope with my feelings at first, they terrified me and then there was the Emmerdale factor, the hang ups about what my Dad would think of me with a man in the village I grew up in. I so sorry it took me so long to come to my senses, for all the pain I caused you back then".

"You got there is the end. That's what really matters. In some ways it has made us appreciate what we have more. We both know what it was like without each other so it makes us work harder to keep what we have because the alternative would be unbearable. It would destroy me if I lost you". 

"It would destroy me to if I lost you. Your the love of my life Aaron. No one has ever come close".

Aaron could feel himself welling up. He would never tire of his husband telling him how much he was loved. He sniffed loudly.

"You going all soppy on me to like your sister?".

"What if I am. Its your fault for making me such a mess".

"Might of know it would be all my doing. Telling my husband I love him, heavens forbid, what was I thinking".

Aaron grew serious. "Robert, I want us to promise each other we will never let each other go, that it really will be what we said in out vows, till death do us part"

"I promise. I will love you until the day I die Aaron, until the last breathe leaves my body. Fingers crossed it will be when we are both old and grey"

"Ditto".

Aaron moved his head so he could look at his husband. He saw the amusement on his face but it was the eyes that left him breathless. He saw the love emanating from them, pure and unadulterated. He drunk in the sight letting it warm his heart. He smiled at Robert the love radiating from his eyes in return. He slowly untangled himself from Robert's arms and offered his hand to Robert to pull him up. He kept hold of Robert's hand as he lead them upstairs. The time for words was over, there were far more interesting things he wanted to do.


	11. Robert gets a blast from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert goes to see someone from his past. Old wounds are reopened and the past remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next relate to events over a two day period. The first part Chapter 11 makes Robert confront a major event in his life and the damage that it caused him leading to him returning to Emmerdale. The second part Chapter 12 covers him finally talking to Aaron about a previous relationship. For plot purposes I have changed the timeline of when he met Chrissie by reducing the time he had with her and the Whites.

Robert took a deep breathe, trying to compose himself, he looked down and could see that his hands were shaking. He tried in vain to still them. Now he was here he doubted the wisdom of whether he was doing the right thing, the last thing he needed to do was resurrect the past and everything he knew it would entail. He sat in his car willing himself to move but his limbs still wouldn't obey him. He took another deep breathe and finally managed to move, he opened the car door and stepped out of the car. He walked along the path leading to the familiar door and knocked. A part of him wanted to run but there was no turning back now, he needed to finally get closure. He waited what seemed like an eternity but was only in essence a few short minutes until the door was opened and Richard Whittaker stood in front of him.

Whilst Richard Whittaker has asked Robert to come, given him the date and time he was still nevertheless surprised to see him, after everything that had happened he had had no expectations that Robert would ever want to see him again after the way he had behaved. He couldn't keep the surprise from his voice. "You came then?"

Robert nodded. Richard Whittaker stood aside and welcomed him in. Robert took tentative steps along the hall. He was ushered in and steered towards the living room. He looked around, it was as if time had stood still, the same wallpaper, the same curtains, the same furniture. Even the pictures were the same. It was as if he had stepped back in time. Richard indicated he should sit and then excused himself whilst he went and made drinks. Robert was overcome with nostalgia. He had been in this room so many times in the past, yet now it seemed like it was alien to him, a strange place that belonged to a different lifetime, a different person.

Richard came back with a tray, containing a cafetiere of coffee, milk and mugs. He had brought biscuits as well, Robert noticed with a pang that they were the ones that he had liked the most back when he had been welcome in this house. He felt a lump in his throat. He felt overwhelmed, a part of him wanted to flee, get away as fast as he could, but he commanded himself to stay put. He watched as Richard poured the coffee and put in the right amount of milk, just the colour that he liked and handed the cup over. He did the same for himself before he settled back in his chair and finally looked at Robert.

Richard broke the silence. "You look well, considering".

Robert looked nonplussed.

Richard elaborated further. "Harry told me that you had been ill".

"Harry told you!"

Richard explained. "I went to visit him a few weeks ago, when I asked how you were he told me that you had been seriously ill. Brain tumour. He told me that it had been benign but that the operation was going to be difficult, it would be touch and go whether you survived it".

Robert looked surprised. He hadn't told Aaron the full truth about just how dangerous the operation was, he'd kept that to himself, Aaron had been upset enough as it was without making things even worse by telling him the odds were stacked against him surviving the operation. The only people that he had told outside those that needed to know for business and legal purposes had been Harry, his mum's family and close friends. "I wasn't aware that you had gone to see Harry, he didn't mentioned it last week when I went to see him".

"I've been to visit him from time to time, not as much as you have, but I have kept in touch every few months. At first Harry didn't mention you, but when I found the courage to ask him about you he opened up. From talks we have had I could tell how much it's meant to him having you be there for him, he said that you have been brilliant, the best friend he could ever of wished for, I don't think he would have coped without your support. Prison isn't a life for a man like him".

Robert found himself wondering where this was all leading, he felt disquieted. He mentally shook himself, getting himself to focus once more. "He has and would do the same for me, he was the best friend I could ever have wished for back when I needed one the most all those years ago".

"Aye, he would go to hell and back for you there's no doubting that laddie, he always loved you right from the start. I remember him telling me about your first meeting". Richard laughed. "He said you were the most antisocial person he had ever met, but that made him all the more determined to get you to talk to him, you intrigued him, he wanted to know what made you tick. Said it took him a month before you would even talk to him and then you were practically monosyllabic, but being Harry that didn't deter him did it, once he had set his mind to something he never gave up and he was determined that he was going to get to know you".

Robert laughed, the tension easing a fraction. "That was a long time ago now. I remember how he wouldn't leave me alone. I got so sick of him badgering me that I agreed to have a coffee with him just so he would leave me in peace, it was the old water torture trick wearing me down until I gave in. I still don't know why it was so important to him to get to know me, I wouldn't have bothered with me back then".

Robert recollected those early days when he had been at University. He and Harry had shared a lecture once a week. He had found things tough at first. He was still deeply traumatised by what had happened to him when he had been 19 and found it difficult to be around people he didn't know, always terrified to trust anybody, let them get close in case they hurt him. The only way he had coped back then was to bury himself in his studies and his part time job at the restaurant. Keeping to routines, filling every moment of his waking hours to keep the nightmares at bay not that they didn't assail him at night. Back then he would wake up in terror having relived the horror of that night in his dreams. 

Robert couldn't bear to meet Richard's eyes as he added "Maybe it would have been better for everybody if he had left me alone, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did".

Richard looked at Robert, saw his head bowed, his inability to met his eyes. His heart went out to Robert, he cursed himself, knowing he was partially responsible for how the younger man felt, the pain he had caused him obviously still lingered deeply. "It wasn't your fault".

Robert looked up sharply. Richard saw the tears in this eyes. He felt remorse coursing through him. Harry had warned him to proceed with caution, that Robert was still struggling with what had happened. "It wasn't your fault Robbie, you did everything you could. I should never have said what I did, blaming you for what happened". 

Robert looked at Richard, the tears glistening in his eyes. "You were right to, I failed him, I should never of left him that day, if I had stayed he would still be alive. I am so sorry".

"Oh Robbie, you did everything you humanly could to save him, I know that now, have known it for years. You weren't to blame, it wasn't your fault. There was no way you could have stopped him. You couldn't have been there for him 24/7 everyday for the rest of your life. The tragic truth was that he loved the drugs more than he loved us, they had taken a hold of him that was beyond his power to resist. If he couldn't have lived for you Robbie then he was so far lost he was beyond saving. You did everything you could, you didn't fail him. He failed you".

The tight grip that Robert had had over his composure smashed into smithereens and he began to cry. Richard went and joined him on the sofa and pulled Robert into his arms as the sobs racked his body. He held Robert tight trying to comfort him. Richard bitterly reflected that he was 6 years to late, that this is what he should have done back then when Jamie had died. After a long time Robert managed to stop sobbing, he went to pull away but Richard held him tight. He fought against it at first but then he gave up, allowing himself the comfort that was being given. 

Richard spoke softly to him. "I am so sorry for the way I treated you. It was unforgivable. I was cruel. It broke my heart when Jamie died and in my grief I lashed out, blamed you when I shouldn't have. I've often wished I could turn back time, behave differently, you know my family were appalled at me, Harry was disgusted and your brother and sister weren't far behind. If Moira had been alive she would have given me hell, she always loved you, saw you as another son, just like I did back then. Over the years I have wanted to get in touch, say sorry but I have been to ashamed to. After the way I treated you I...". Richard couldn't go on. 

"You were hurting, just like we all were. I didn't blame you for hating me, blaming me for Jamie's death, I blamed myself to. I've relived that day over and over again. If I hadn't gone to that meeting, he would never have gone into the club, never had gotten the drugs, he would still be alive now".

Richard shook his head sadly at Robert. "There would have been another time"

"NO!".

Richard held Robert's face in his hands, making Robert look at him. He knew he was repeating himself but he knew that Robert hadn't really listened or believed him the first time he had said it. He was determined to make Robert finally let go of his guilt. It was the least he owed him. "There would have been another time, there always is when somebody is that hopelessly addicted. You were not to blame. At the inquest the coroner said exactly that. He said that you should be commended for how you have behaved, that you had done everything humanly possible to save him. You gave up your job, a job that you loved, put him in rehab, were there for him when he came out, helped him when he relapsed and had to go into rehab again. You never once gave up on him, never walked away. We both have to face the facts he was past saving. The drugs were to powerful a lure, once they had got into his system they took control, he didn't have the strength or the desire to fight them, that was his failure not yours".

Robert started to sob again. The pain from the past came back with force so strong that it was physically painful. He had tried so hard to bury it, the way he always did when things were to much for him to bear, put the pain into a box in the deepest recesses of his mind so it couldn't hurt, but Richard had broken through his defences, ripped him apart.

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

21st October 2013

Robert remembered that terrible day. He had been out at a meeting, it has lasted longer than he had anticipated. When he had gone home to their flat he had opened the door shouting his apologies, he said sorry for being so long. It was the first time in months that he had trusted Jamie enough to leave him on his own. He was finally satisfied that things were getting back to normal, that this time Jamie was off the drugs for good. He had expected Jamie to scold him but there was no reply. He had started to panic then, calling out Jamie's name. He had raced through the flat, searching for Jamie, with each empty room his unease grew. When he reached their bedroom his worse fears were realised. Jamie was lying on the floor, his body was convulsing. Robert had raced over to him. He had reached for his mobile and dialed 999. 

As he waited for the Ambulance to arrive he had cradled Jamie in his arms, holding him still, telling him it would be alright, that help was on its way, he kept telling him over and over again, willing it with every fibre of his being to be true. Jamie had a moment of coherence, he had smiled at Robert, mouthed sorry, a moment later he had stilled in Robert's arms, Robert was initially relieved that he had stopped shaking, that he had calmed down until the horror hit him that Jamie had stopped breathing. Robert remembered the panic he had felt, how he had frantically checked for a pulse and couldn't find one, he remembered that he had started to shout no, that he had begged Jamie to start breathing again.

Robert had sat beside Jamie holding him tight in his arms. He was numb. The true horror of what had happened had yet to fully register. He heard a loud knock at the door. The sudden noise had stunned Robert, brought him back to reality, all time had stopped still as he had held Jamie in his arms. It took him a while in his befuddled state before he realised it was the Ambulance. He gently let go of Jamie and rushed to let them in, told them that Jamie had stopped breathing, that they had to do something, bring him back. He had watched as they tried to revive him, desperately willing them to perform miracles and bring him back but it had been to no avail. When the paramedics had got up and left Jamie where he was Robert had yelled at them. told them to keep trying, that they mustn't give up. 

He recalled the look of pity in one of the men's eyes as he had sadly shook his head at him and told him how sorry he was, that there was nothing more that could be done. Robert remembered that he had collapsed, that the paramedics had helped him up, that he had sat in a trance in total denial that Jamie was dead. Things were a blur after that. He remembered that Pete and Gary had come round to deal with the authorities, though he couldn't recall how they had known to come. They had taken care of him. He vaguely remembered them calling the doctor to sedate him, to give him a brief respite from the horror of what had happened.

Losing Jamie had been a defining moment in his life, his heart had broken, shattered into millions of pieces. Once the shock had worn off the self loathing had consumed him. He relived that day over and over again. The outcome was always the same. He blamed himself, he should never have gone to that meeting, should never have left Jamie on his own. His father's words came back to haunt him. tormenting him further, making him hate himself even more "You ruin everything you touch ". 

Richard Whittaker had not spared him either, in his grief he needed to find reasons for what had happened. He ripped into Robert, blaming him for failing his son. Banned him from the funeral. Robert remembered how devastated he had been, Richard had treated him like a son, had been more of a father to him than his own had ever been and he had lost him to along with Jamie. 

From then on Robert recalled that he had been on a relentless downward spiral. All he wanted to do was curl up and die, go to sleep one last time and never wake up. He had actively thought about killing himself, had gone so far as to accumulate enough tablets to achieve that goal, but when he came to it he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had stared at the tablets for hours at a time, night after night. In the end he had almost achieved his wish by chance. On night overwhelmed by the constant pain he felt he had drunk himself into oblivion to make the agony go away. This time he had got blind drunk whilst outside on the roof garden. He had passed out, in an alcoholic stupor, the rain had fallen during the night and he had got soaked to the bone in the freezing cold. Pete had found him unconscious. By the time that he opened his eyes again a month had past and he had been told that he had nearly died of pneumonia. 

He remembered railing against Pete, angry with him for finding him, saving his life. He had been so ungrateful to still be alive. Why couldn't they have let him die. He made up his mind that he couldn't live in London anymore, that the memories were to painful. So he turned his back on his life, left Pete fully in charge of the company's they jointly owned, arranged for the other company's he had to be managed on his behalf and made his way to Leeds. 

He remembered how his friends had tried to talk him out of it, they had even threatened to have him sectioned but he just wouldn't budge. In the end they had reluctantly let him go. Not that they had abandoned him. From time to time they all descended on him, took it in turns to make sure he was safe. They only stopped hassling him when he had met Chrissie thinking that he was finally moving on with his life. Robert reflected that if ever they should have interfered with his life it should have been then, stopped him making a disastrous mistake, but then he realised that he would never have met Aaron so maybe it was just as well they had left him to his own devices.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Robert"

Robert heard his name. He looked up and saw that Richard was looking at him, concern written all over his face. "Robert, are you alright?".

Robert shook his head to clear the fog from his brain, he had been so lost in memories that he had forgotten where he was. "I was just thinking about the past, about Jamie".

Richard nodded. "Aye, I guess that's down to me, reopening old wounds. It was never my intention today to cause you any pain".

"There's no way that you could have avoided doing that, some things will always hurt".

"Aye, your right there laddie. I still mourn him, I know it not what a father should say but he was my favourite, I loved that lad so much. He was so full of joy. He was the happiest little boy, had a heart of gold. His mum and me doted on him. He was so much easier than Scott".

At the mention of Richard's eldest son Robert realised that he hadn't said anything about Scott's death, he was shocked at his appalling manners. "I so sorry, I should have offered my condolences when I first came in, I saw the headlines in the Hotten Gazette, it was a terrible thing to have happened, my heart went out to you".

"Thank you laddie. I was surprised when I got your letter and card, it meant a lot though. It was more than I deserved. I appreciated the flowers to, they were just like the ones that you have put on Jamie's grave".

"I wasn't sure at first if I should send you anything, I didn't want to cause you anymore pain than you were going through, I debated whether I would be intruding where I wasn't wanted". Robert looked rueful. "I wasn't aware that you knew about the flowers on Jamie's grave".

"Who else would they have been from. Do you ever go to visit the grave?".

"Sometimes. I try to make it for his birthday and the anniversary of when we first met". Robert hesitated before continuing. "I also go on what would have been our last attempt at a wedding day. I have never managed though to go on the day he died".

Robert had to stop talking, he found that he was on the verge of tears again. Richard reached out and squeezed his hand. 

Robert blurted out. "Why did he have to die".

Richard looked at Robert with sadness. "I've asked myself that more times than I care to remember. Losing Moira and Jamie so shortly after she died are the worst days of my life and now Scott and his family have gone to".

Robert was sombre. "Life's unfair. But then there is nothing to say it should be".

Richard matched Robert's mood. "You know that better than most. You've had a hell of a life. What you've lived through already is more than anybody ever should, my heart goes out to you laddie. I'm so glad that you have finally found some happiness again in your life, Harry told me that you have remarried".

Robert looked cautiously over at Richard. He wasn't sure what he was meant what he say. 

Richard could see that Robert looked wary. "I do mean what I just said, I'm not saying it to be polite. I am happy for you, although I have to say to be fair that Harry isn't that thrilled about your choice of husband".

Robert shook his head. "No and to be fair none of my friends were. They realised to late that I had hit the self destruct button with Chrissie but that was nothing to what they thought when I said I was marrying Aaron, they thought that I had finally imploded, totally lost the plot".

"Harry said that as well". Richard considered his next words carefully. "You know the most important thing though is whether you are happy. Are you?".

Robert paused before replying. "I am. I love Aaron very much, he makes me happy".

Robert looked worried about the effect his words would have on Richard so he hurriedly added "But you must not think that I have forgotten Jamie, I never will. He will always have a special place in my heart".

Richard tried to reassure Robert. "I know you will laddie, I know you will".

Richard looked at Robert. "Now that we are talking, how about you tell me what in God's name possessed you to marry Chrissie White. I had some dealings with her family years ago, the old man was a nasty piece of work and she was a chip of the old block and don't get me started on that grandson, read all about him in the papers, evil personified".

Robert looked rueful. "To put it simply I was in full self destruction mode. I was rock bottom when I met her. I remember that she was a right bitch the first time we met. A part of me back then thought I deserved to be treated badly and she certainly gave every indication that she would tick that box. I hit the jackpot when I met her awful family, misery guaranteed . The icing on the cake was that the father treated me like dirt from day one".

Richard was riddled with sadness. "I wish with all my heart that I had taken care of you back then, saved you from yourself, but there is one thing that I don't understand, "I thought Lawrence White would have been thanking his lucky stars that his daughter had latched on to you. She well and truly hit the jackpot".

Robert laughed, there was a bitter undertone. "He hadn't a clue who I was. Chrissie met me when I was helping out at the restaurant in Leeds, thought I was a waiter. I wanted to see how things went between us first before I told her who I was. Her dad took against me the minute he saw me, made it clear that he thought that I was a worthless nobody who had spotted a nice meal ticket in his daughter, that I was out for what I could get, he told me more than once that I wasn't remotely good enough for her" .

Richard laughed incredulously. "You've kidding me".

"No, he honestly thought I was a gold digger, tried everything he could to split Chrissie and me up, even faked a heart attack so we had to postpone the wedding that we had planned in Mexico. In some ways it was strange, the irony of it all. I ran away from London because I couldn't cope with the memories plus the relentless gold diggers that were out in force, Jamie had barely been in his grave 5 minutes and they were throwing themselves at me left, right and centre. I then move to Leeds and met somebody and her family thought the same about me. If they had treated me better I would have told them who I was, but then I dug my heels in, that bloody minded part of me was adamant that they had to respect me as a human being first before I told them anything, needless to say it didn't happen so I kept quiet".

Richard laughed. "Some folk can't see what's under their noses. How did White not twig you weren't what you seemed at first glance. From what I heard you breathed life back into his agricultural business and ran Home Farm Estates immaculately, how the hell did he image that a waiter could do all that without prior experience in business. Made him thousands from what I gather. It must have been tricky though when you ended up in Emmerdale again, I would image that it must of been strange going back after all those years".

Robert contemplated his answer before replying. "It was like going back in time. Nothing had changed. It was still the same old same old. I had been away for 9 years and it was as if nothing had altered. People still saw the old me. Jack Sugden's ugly little duckling. When they saw me with Chrissie, the daughter of the rich new owner of Home Farm the gossips had a field day. You can image, the ne'er-do-well back with a much older rich fiancée, you can guess what they thought". Robert added, disappointment in this voice. "Not even my own family thought I could possibly have made anything of myself when I had been away, so in the end I just let them think what they chose to".

Richard was aghast. "You should have put them right. What possessed you to let them think like that".

"I was in a bad way, I was full of self loathing still. Back then I deliberately attached myself to people that I knew would hurt me. I went back to a village where my reputation had been cast in stone years ago where I knew I would be maligned and thought badly of. The truth of the matter was that Emmerdale was my version of purgatory, I went to the one place where it would be guaranteed that I would be in hell".

"Harry was spot on, he told me that you were on a mission of total self destruction back then. You know that if he had been free he would have rescued you from yourself".

"I know, looking back I wish he had of been around, it would have saved an awful lot of heartache for everybody not just myself. It's going to be interesting when he finally gets released. If he comes to the village he will definitely stir things up. He has a reputation for saying what he thinks if he takes offence with anything that he doesn't like. If he overhears somebody say anything about that me he doesn't agree with I would image he'll give them what for".

Richard chuckled. "Well it long overdue, its about time those villager were told a few home truths, your family could do with a boot up the backside as well. Harry told me about the rubbish that you have to put up with from them since you returned to the village".

Robert was less than pleased. "Harry has been a little gold mine of information, discretion out of the window judging with what your coming out with".

Richard was reflective for a minute. "Harry cares about you, he loves the bones of you laddie. One of the things that he has found the hardest being locked up is that he hasn't been there for you. You can't tell me that you haven't missed his support. I know you have other friends but Harry's the only one that can be guaranteed to get through to you, make you see sense".

Robert conceded that Richard had a point. "I know. I've missed him to, he's the one person that truly knows me inside out. I really needed him when Jamie died but he was posted overseas and then his life disintegrated to when Ollie died".

Richard nodded sadly. "I know, everything seemed to go wrong back then. First Moira, then Jamie and finally Harry losing his son. It was a terrible time. Just when things seemed to have settled down Harry had his melt down, not that any of us blamed him for it. I still can't understand how that bitch of a wife could have done that to him. Their son's had barely been dead 6 months and she had got herself knocked up by the next door neighbour. I not surprised that when Harry found them in bed together when he came home unexpectedly on leave that he lost it. What self respecting man wouldn't have beaten the crap out of the scumbag shagging his wife in their bed".

"Whilst it was understandable, it ruined his life, he's paid a high price for losing his temper, he lost everything, his freedom, home, job, wife and then most of his so called friends turned their back on him when he was sent down".

"Not everybody did that laddie, you never waived once and he still has his family. It won't to long until he will have his freedom again, just a few more months and he can put the past behind him and start again".

Robert nodded in agreement.

"There was one thing that Harry told me that concerns me, its that you haven't told Aaron much about your past outside of Emmerdale. Is that wise?"

Robert was taken aback my Richard's comments, he was feeling wrong footed. Richard had been a major part of this life when Jamie was alive but since he had died they hadn't had any contact until today. Whilst he would have expected this kind of conversation before it felt strange having it now after all these years. A part of him wasn't sure what the new boundaries should be, or if there needed to be any because this could just be a one off meeting, nevertheless he decided to be candid in his reply "I did tell him a few things when I was ill last year but there is still an awful lot of things I haven't mentioned".

Richard shook his head at Robert. "Why not, you know you are asking for trouble, he's going to be hurt when he finally learns the truth".

Robert tried to deflect Richard, he was flippant in this reply. "What being married to a rich financial whizz kid. I'm sure that will devastate him".

Richard looked sharply at him. "Stop deflecting. You know what I mean and your a bit old to describe yourself as a kid"

Robert had the decency to look embarrassed, Richard had never been one to let him get away with anything. He stopped trying to hid behind his glib responses to awkward questions. "When I returned to Emmerdale Aaron probably had the same thoughts as the rest of the villagers at first. His family certainly badmouthed me, by the time they had finished they didn't paint a glowing picture of me. Then there was one of my ex's dripping poison at every opportunity. Yet despite what everybody said he gave me a chance, he was the first person I had met since Jamie died that I honestly thought cared about me for myself, not the man I was when I wasn't in Emmerdale. Can you imagine how that felt, for somebody to look at me and not see pound signs, to care about the person, not what was in it for them? Then there was the Emmerdale factor. After a 9 year reprieve I was Jack Sugden's son once more. I struggled being back, all those memories plus Andy was there, the perfect son that Dad made it clear he loved more than me, the son he choose to keep when he threw me out. I couldn't even begin to admit my sexuality, there was no way I could be bisexual in that Village, no way Jack Sugden's son could like blokes. It was weird, I felt like he was there watching me with that permanent look of disappointment on his face. After awhile it got to complicated to go into the past, I don't think for one minute that anyone would have believed that a perpetual screw up like me would made anything of themselves anyway. They would have laughed in my face".

Richard looked sadly at Robert. "You should never of gone back to Emmerdale. That place has far to many bad memories, no wonder you struggled. The only good thing to come out of it is that you found happiness again. Harry told me that you began an affair with Aaron shortly after you went back to the Village".

Robert looked contrite. "I didn't exactly cover myself with glory back then. I didn't plan on having an affair, there was just something about him that got under my skin. A part of me hated myself for the way I was behaving, I thought my cheating days were long gone when I was with Jamie but I as soon as he died I went back to the bad habits of my latter childhood. I'm not proud of the way I behaved, there are so many things I wished I had done differently back then".

"I wasn't judging you Robert".

"Well I am judging me. I should never have cheated on Chrissie, the truth is I should never have been with her in the first place. She was nothing more than a diversion at most, just someone to ease the loneliness. She deserved better than the way I treated her, I cheated on her with her sister, then I cheated on her with Aaron. I wish that I had been honest with her, ended our relationship when I met Aaron, instead like the self-destructive idiot I was I married her and wrecked her life. Jamie would have been so ashamed of me, I wasn't the man he loved anymore, I turned back into a terrible human being".

Richard stared at Robert, a smile on his face. "If you are tying to shock me you've wasting your time. Harry's told me everything, all your sordid secrets and if he hadn't I can read. The Hotten Courier had a field day when you were shot. Gay lover shoots boyfriend, son-in-law of local businessman. I'm surprised the dailies didn't pick it up. It would have caused a sensation if they have matched Robert Sugden with Robbie Merrick, all hell would have broken loose, just image the headlines they would have come up with".

Robert shuddered at the thought. "I glad you find it funny. It wasn't great being shot".

"They never did catch the shooter did they?".

Robert was getting peevish. "You fishing or has Harry let that one out of the bag to?".

Richard had the grace to look sheepish. "I know it was your brother's doing. Lucky for him Harry wasn't around or that would have been the last thing he did, there would have been hell to pay. I heard the coward didn't have the guts to do it himself got somebody else to pull the trigger. Your father's side of the family certainly leaves a lot to be desired. Good job your mother's family are better, not that they could even be remotely worst".

Robert had to concede that point. "I guess you are not far wrong there".

Whilst Richard had wanted to clear the air between them, apologise for the past he also had a secondary motive for wanting to see Robert. Things had gone better than he dared hoped so far but had he allowed himself to believe what his instincts had told him he should have known deep down they would. One of Robert's qualities or faults as Jamie used to say was that he was to forgiving with those people that he truly loved and he knew back in the day that Robert had loved him. "Talking of your mother's family, it leads me to a proposition I want to put to you. Apart from the long overdue apology it's one of the reasons that I wanted to see you today".

Robert looked intrigued.

Richard paused at first, then dived straight in. "I want you to have Whittaker Haulage".

Robert looked dumbfounded.

Richard looked at the shock on Robert's face. "That's gone done well".

Robert managed to overcome his initial speechlessness, this was the last thing he had expected to hear. "I don't understand, why would you want me to have your company. It's been in your family for generations".

"Because you are the only one I trust to take care of it for me, its not the same as it was back in the heydays when you were helping me, I let things slide after Jamie died, let Scott takeover the reins and to be honest he wasn't that good at it. With Scott gone, along with his wife and son in that terrible car accident I don't have any immediate family to pass it on to. I know there are relations in Scotland but it not the same as having children to take on your legacy pass it down the line. When you were with Jamie, Moira and I looked on you as if you were another son, if I hadn't been so stupid you still would have been one for the last 6 years. I want you to have the company. I can get the paperwork done, have my shares transferred to you within the week".

Robert still couldn't get his head around what he was hearing. "But why now, why the rush, we have only just met again for the first time in years, why is everything so sudden". Robert looked closely at Richard trying to discern if there were any signs, he couldn't see anything so he resorted to asking. "Are you ill?".

"No laddie I'm not ill. Your not the only one who has struggled with too many memories. Everybody is gone now Robbie, Moira, Jamie, Scott and his family, I need to find some peace and I know I won't find it here anymore. One of my sisters is out in Australia, I plan to go and visit for at least six months". Richard put on a brave face. "Who knows if I like it out there, find the peace I crave I might stay there full time".

"But that's a massive step. I know that I ran away from London but I only moved to Leeds. It wasn't like I went to another country, I still had my friends a few hours away. Don't you think that you should wait awhile before making this kind of decision. Let the dust settle".

"Sounds by your own omission that you are being a hypocrite here, telling me not to do what you did".

"I know I am, but I also know from personal experience that distance doesn't make the pain go away. You carry it inside you wherever you go. There's no way you can outrun it".

Richard put a hand on Robert's arm, he could see that he was distressing him again. "I know that Robbie, but I need a change of scene".

"Ok if you need a break fine, I can arrange for somebody from the office to run the company for you in your absence".

"That's very kind of you Robbie but that not what I want. I want you to have the company".

"If you are doing this because you feel guilty about the way you treated me after Jamie died, then don't. You don't owe me anything. I never blamed you for how you reacted, I understood you were heartbroken, that it was the pain that made you lash out. I wish that things could have been different but...". 

Richard could see that Robert was unravelling again. His heart went out to the young man. He reached out and hugged him tight, his act of compassion causing Robert to breakdown once more. He gently soothed him until he felt the sobs subside before he talked once more. "I nearly didn't ask you to come here today. Harry told me that it would cause you a lot of pain to talk about Jamie, having to relive the past, but I'm a selfish old man. I needed to make myself feel better having finally gotten around to having the decency to apologise. I should have left well alone. I am so sorry for hurting you like this, it wasn't my intention".

Robert sniffed. "It's ok. I'm glad you called. I just wish that the circumstances could have been better, life can be so cruel sometimes, first Jamie and then Scott.

"You've right about life being cruel, but you know that far to well. I know I've said this already but I'm glad that you have found happiness again. That you are no longer alone. Jamie would have wanted that to, he loved you so much, he would have hated for you to have suffered the way you have"

"I loved him to. I miss him so much". Robert managed one more sentence until he broke down once more "Why did he have to die and leave me".

Richard comforted him once more. His heart went out to Robert. He bitterly regretted the way he had treated him even more now. A part of him wished that he had taken Harry's advice and left Robert alone, he felt overwhelmed with guilt at the pain he was causing him, making him relive the past, a past that had brought him to his knees all those years ago.

Richard cast his mind back to the past. He remembered when Jamie had first brought Robert home. He had been all limbs, tall and gangly. He couldn't remember ever seeing anyone so pale, that alabaster complexion that he had noted the minute he saw him again that he still had. That delicate skin with a hint of freckles. Robert looked like he had barely aged since, he definitely looked younger than his years. Robert had been painfully shy. Moira has soon put him at his ease though, his wife had taken an instance liking to him, but that was hardly surprising, she doted on Jamie and anybody that made Jamie happy was alright with her and Robert did make him happy, that soon became evident. It was obvious from the start that Robert had a keen intelligent, Jamie had told them that he was studying maths, that the university were raving about him, tipping him to for great things, yet from his demeanour it wasn't easy to tell that he was so brilliant, he was modest about his ability. Over the years he had watched as Robert achieved what everybody had tipped him for, a plethora of degrees up to a PhD and then the marquee job working for an investment bank before quitting for Jamie's sake. That was when he had started his own companies with a friend of his that allowed him to work from home so he could be there for Jamie.

Richard had been glad that Jamie had found Robert. They had seemed like the perfect match, a balance to each other, Robert quiet, serious and practical, Jamie louder, slightly irresponsible but with that infectious ability to enjoy life that had lighten Robert's over the years, taught him how to enjoy life once more. 

Richard recollected how one small thing had changed everything, led to the eventual tragedy. A few days before what should have been their wedding fay Jamie had played football. He remembered that Robert had cautioned that maybe he should give this match a miss so close to their wedding day but Jamie had laughed at him, told him to lighten up, that it wasn't like he was going sky diving or anything, it was just a football match. Sadly Robert's premonition had come true, Jamie had suffered a bad knee injury, the wedding had to be called off. 

The injury had left Jamie in agony, the pain killers had been ineffective to easy his suffering. That was when disaster struck, a so called friend come up with an alternative to his medication, he had given him cocaine to help combat the pain. One hit was all it took and Jamie became hopelessly addicted. 

It took awhile for Robert to notice, he had been working flat out on a big project at the bank, but one day he had come home early to surprise Jamie, get to spend some quality time with him and had caught him high as a kite. Robert had called him immediately and they had practically kidnapped Jamie and put him into rehab.

Jamie had hated them at first but gradually when he had been weaned off the drugs he was more coherent. Robert had been beside himself, cursing himself for not noticing earlier. He blamed himself, quit his job and was determined to be there for Jamie going forward. 

At first the stint in rehab worked, Jamie seemed to be off the drugs but the tragic truth was that his body craved the drug more than his willpower could stand and he relapsed again. Another bout of rehab seemed to finally work and things had settled back to normal. 

Since quitting his job Robert had set up two companies within the financial sector with one of his best friends Pete. Richard hadn't been surprised when he found out they were doing very well. Being his own boss meant that Robert could work from home most of the time so that he was around to support Jamie, be there for him. On the days when he had to be out he had always arranged for somebody to come and sit with Jamie, in the early days after he had come out of rehab Robert had never trusted him to be on his own.

All it took for tragedy to strike was for Robert to leave Jamie alone for the day, Jamie had convinced him that he could finally be trusted to be on his own, to be fair he had been clean for 5 months. Richard had blamed Robert for being so stupid, so naive as to have believed him, he should have known better.

Richard had realised long ago that he had been unfair, that it was Jamie who had let Robert down. He had promised Robert that he would be ok, that he would be alright on his own, but then Jamie had always been able to get Robert to do what he wanted. Robert had loved him so much there was nothing that he wouldn't have done for him.

Richard reflected on the maybe's. Maybe if Jamie hadn't gone into the club because he was bored without Robert around to keep his company, maybe if he hadn't done the social rounds in the club checking that everybody was having a good time, maybe he would never have bumped into the group with drugs on them that was against all club policies, maybe if they hadn't offered him drugs he wouldn't have took them. It was the road to madness thinking of the what ifs.

Richard realised that it was all conjecture but he genuinely believed that those people who had given him the drugs had as good as killed him. Robert had made in vehemently clear that no drugs were to be allowed into the club yet somehow these people had callously flouted the rules, slipped through the security checks. When the authorities had investigated they had found the person who had given Jamie the drugs. It was a faulty batch that had caused Jamie's death. The man had been convicted and sent to prison. The truth was that in the scheme of things it was irrelevant, his son was dead and nothing would bring him back.

Robert began to stir in Richard's arms, he had cried himself out. Richard slowly released his grip, starred at Robert's tear ravaged face. He gently put an hand on the side of Robert's face and caressed him slightly, trying to give him all the comfort he could. He saw fresh tear start to form. "Come on laddie, no more tears".

Robert nodded, trying to gain his composure. He felt emotionally raw. The past had been revisited with brutal clarity, reopening old wounds that had never truly healed.

Richard stood, he was worn out to. "Come with me to the kitchen, let me fix you some tea laddie, you look like you could do with a brew".

Robert followed him as requested. He sat at the table until his tea was ready. He grimaced as he took a sip. "How many sugars have you put in this".

"A few, its meant to have a calming effect on the nerves, sweet tea".

"More like give me diabetes".

Richard chuckled. "Not lost that sharpness to your tongue then".

"I have my moments".

They drank their tea in companionable silence. Each wary of saying anything more that would distress them both further. It had been a difficult reunion, but then there had been no way it could have been anything less.

Richard decided to broach the subject of the haulage company once more. "Robbie, about what I was saying earlier, about the company. I need an answer".

Robert gathered his wits before answering, he was still feeling shell shocked, his brain overloaded with previously suppressed memories. "Are you sure that it is what you truly want".

"It is. I've made up my mind. I want you to have the company, its what Jamie would have wanted to, you know it is, he would have trusted you to keep the family business alive, keep the Whittaker name going".

Robert winced. "Your not playing clean are you".

Richard smiled at him. "Not where you are concerned, it wouldn't work, I know who you are, Robbie Merrick".

Robert managed a wry smile.

Richard decided to play his trump cards. "Off course there are other benefits for you in taking over the company".

Robert was at a loss to image any. "Like what?"

"Well for one thing I know that Merrick Capital Investments have interests in companies that have haulage contracts, you could use Whittaker's to provide a solution to their transportation needs, keep the profits in house".

"That's a good point, to be fair I had intended to use Home James at one point to fulfil their haulage contracts so taking over Whittaker's would mean that we no longer have to set up a company from scratch to achieve our strategies".

Richard was encouraged, he pressed on. "See, that's definitely a plus but there are other benefits as well".

Robert really couldn't think of any. "My brain's befuddled at the moment, I can't see any other pluses, you'll have to enlighten me".

"Well Harry will need a job when he gets out of prison. He will need to find a purpose in life again, it would be ideal him working for Whittaker's plus he is family after all".

"He might be family as you put it but the truth is that Harry doesn't have a clue about running a haulage company".

"He's a smart lad, got a degree, he could learn".

"Look I know that you have Harry's welfare at heart, I do to but the truth is that I don't have the time to teach him, I'm back working full-time for Merrick & Associates".

Richard had already got the solution in place, it always paid to have everything covered where Robert was concerned, he learnt over the years that he had known him that he was meticulous when it came to business, he never left anything to chance. "I don't recall saying it had to be you, Tommy could teach him the ropes".

Robert was incredulous. "Tommy, are you serious!, he's joined at the hip with that company he works for in Scotland, why on earth would he teach him the ropes".

Richard was starting to enjoy himself, "Because he's at a loose end"

Robert could feel himself losing all control of the situation, a feeling that he hated. His voice showed his exasperation. "What are you talking about".

Richard revelled in the moment, he played his final ace. "I see that Tommy's not told you then".

Robert could feel his temper beginning to fray. "Told me what!"

"That they made him redundant. The old man retired and left his son in charge of the haulage company. The son promptly starting clearing out what he called the old guard that were stuck in their ways. Tommy was one of the first that he got rid off".

Robert was stunned. "Are you sure, I talked to him last week and he said everything was fine".

"I think he was to ashamed to tell you. To embarrassed to admit to his brilliant younger brother that he was out of a job, on the scrap heap"

Robert was sadden at his brother's reticence. "You seem to know more than I do about what is going on. What guarantee is there that Tommy would one want the job and two uproot his life in Scotland and move back to Yorkshire".

Richard delivered the coup d'état. "He's agreeable"

Robert finally let go of his temper. "WHAT!. You've talked to him already".

"Aye, Harry thought it would be best to get all my ducks in a row before I spoke to you, present it as a fait accompli".

Robert finally conceded defeat. "Well you have certainly done that".

"So what do you say?"

Robert was somewhat ungracious in his reply. "Do I have a choice?".

"No".

Robert pondered for a while, trying to assert some control to the situation. "Ok, but before you get to excited there are conditions. One I pay a fair price for the company".

"Robbie!"

Before Richard could say anymore Robert interrupted him. "It your turn to listen. Two you retain a shareholding in the company. If I take over then I will move the company forward, it will at least have to double in size to deal with all current and future haulage contracts that I need to fulfil and I want you to benefit from that. Three. Tommy and Harry also become shareholders. They are part of your family as well as mine and it will keep Whittaker's with some tradition of family ownership".

"Robbie, I know you mean well by offering to pay for the company but there is no need. I have plenty of money, more than I'll need to see me out".

"Its non negotiable. If you want me to take over then I will pay you the company's true worth".

Richard could see the determined glint in Robert's eyes, this was an argument that he would not win. He settled with the gains he had made so far. "You not going to back down on that point are you".

"No. Besides you might need the money one day. Life has a way of surprising you with curve balls, I know that from the way things have turned out for me. You never know you might meet a nice Shelia down under, want to start a new life".

"I don't think so laddie, since Moira died I've never meet anybody that could ever take her place. She was my once in a life time".

"I thought that after Jamie died, that I would never be happy ever again, I never thought that I would ever meet anybody that touched my heart the way he did. I settled for mediocrity with Chrissie, a half life that left me cold and feeling alone. But fate intervened, I met Aaron, despite all my attempts to resist him in the end it was to hard. Aaron woke sometime inside me, made me want to come alive again. If you let yourself maybe this could happen for you".

"I don't know about that. You are still a young man, you were to young to be alone, god willing you still have a long life ahead of you, but I am approaching sixty now. I'm to old".

"Your only as old as you want to be. Life alone isn't much fun. I don't think for one moment it will be easy for you to let yourself be with anybody else but being with Aaron had taught me one thing, that its possible to love somebody else without it diminishing what you felt for somebody that you loved before. Aaron had boyfriends before me that he still cares about, its part of this past. I accept that".

"Putting it like that it seems logical, but when have affairs of the heart ever been simple. Harry told me that you found it really tough letting go of Jamie and moving forwards".

Robert inwardly cursed Harry. He had well and truly laid him emotional bare. "Your right it wasn't easy. I had mixed emotions about being with Aaron at first. I wanted him but hated him for making me want him. I tried to stick with Chrissie, telling myself that I loved her but I wasn't being honest with myself. In the end I lost them both. Fortunately I got another chance with Aaron it was touch and go for a while but somehow he managed to forgive me for the way I had treated him and gave me another chance. He helped me to be myself in Emmerdale, no more hiding my sexuality, make it ok to me in that village". 

"I'm glad he gave you another chance. Jamie always said that you weren't equipped to be on your own. He used to say that you were the most brilliant person he had ever met, that you could weave magic with figures, had the Midas touch when it came to finance and business but the one thing that you found so hard was being human, that the damage done to you by your dad and those men had scared you for life, that the only way that you could cope with living was having somebody by your side to keep the demons away".

"I didn't realise he thought that. I know that when we met at University I was a mess and I guess what he said would have been a fair assessment back then, I was broken but I'm not that person anymore, Jamie and Harry helped me to change, to live again without being afraid all the time. I'm not saying that the demons are entirely gone, but I'm stronger now and have learnt to control them. Robert paused before admitting. "and if I am being totally honest Aaron does help with that".

Richard thought about Robert had said. It made his next question all the more important. "Can I ask you something?".

"Why ask for permission now, you've hardly held back on asking me anything".

"Its personal".

Robert was cautious. "Why don't you ask and I consider if I want to reply".

Richard took a deep breathe and just decided to jump in with both feet. "From what little you have told me its obvious that you care about Aaron a great deal. You love him very much. The thing is that Harry has told me a lot about Aaron. Very little of what he told me was good. I failed you when Jamie died, turned my back on you when you needed me the most and I have to live with that shame for the rest of my life but now I need to know whether I am failing you again, standing by and see you hurt yourself by being with somebody that will cause you further heartache".

Robert remained quiet for a long time. Richard didn't think that he was going to answer. He wondered whether he had pushed things to far. The first time he had seem Robert in years and he was already presuming that he had the right to interfere".

Robert finally spoke. "I know that Harry meant well but he has never met Aaron, he has no idea what kind of a person he is".

"But Harry knows enough to have told me about Aaron's less than admirable past, in and out of prison, violent tendencies, mental health issues, drug abuse and a family that is less than respectable and that's being kind. Harry's worried that this is your way of hurting yourself again by attaching yourself to somebody that is totally unsuitable. Somebody that will end up hurting you so badly you won't to able to get over it. He's terrified that if you suffer another crushing heartbreak that this time you won't survive. It isn't just Harry that feels like this, your family and friends think the same, they are worried sick about you".

Robert put his head in his hands, trying to hide his exasperation. He took several deep breaths to compose himself. "I understand why Harry, my family and friends are worried but Aaron is not what his past suggests he is".

"Then what is he like?".

"He's got a heart of gold deep down..."

"and?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, I don't feel comfortable talking about Aaron with you, it wouldn't be right".

"Is it because your worried that if you tell me just what he means to you that I will think that you've forgotten Jamie, replaced him with somebody else as if he never existed".

Robert didn't trust himself with words so just nodded affirmation.

"I would never think that, I saw you with Jamie, saw with my own eyes how much you loved him, that kind of love never dies it stays in the heart forever. If you can't talk about Aaron with me a least put my mind at rest. Does he truly love you and treat you well".

"Yes to both"

"Is he kind to you as well".

"Yes".

"Do you feel safe with him".

"Yes"

"So there is no way that he would hurt you emotionally and physically".

"No to both".

"His past would suggest otherwise, he has a violent temper and you have been on an emotionally roller coaster with him at times".

"That's all in the past. He's a different person now. I don't want to go into details but there were reasons for the way he was, but he has worked hard to turn his life around, made the changes that he needed and that's taken a lot of courage but he's had the inner strength to do that, he has my complete admiration. He's finally become the person he always should have been if life hadn't dealt him a cruel hand, he's become a really good person. He had a genuine heart of gold. I trust him not just with me but with my son and I would never ever in a million years let anybody close to Seb if I had even the slightly doubt that person couldn't be trusted with him. Seb adores him".

Richard smiled. "Ok, that all I needed to know". 

Robert looked hopeful. "That's it then, no more grilling".

"Not now, I think that you have had enough for one day".

"It's been tough, reliving the past".

"I don't suppose it could have been anything else. I'm really grateful that you came, I wouldn't have blamed you if you had told me to go to hell".

"I nearly couldn't get out of the car".

"I'm glad you did. Thank you for coming".

Robert felt exhausted, he felt completely and utterly emotionally drained. Richard noticed his pallor, the tiredness etched on his face. His heart went out to him once more.

"I glad I came to. I've missed you".

"I've missed you to laddie, I hope that we can meet up some more before I go away, hopefully next time things should be easier. If it not asking to much I would like to see your little boy".

"I'd like us to meet again to and I sure I could bring Seb along, he a lovely little boy. He charms everybody he meets. Aaron thinks he belongs to somebody else as he's an angel and his dad's the devil in disguise".

Richard laughed.

"When are you going to Australia?".

"Four weeks from now"

"What!, so soon?".

"Aye, once I made my mind up I just went for it. I sorry to say it won't give us much time together before I go, I regret that now and you'll have to get a move on with buying the company".

"I wish that we could have had longer to but if going to Australia is what you need to do to find some peace then I wish you all the best. If it doesn't work out you can always come back. Buying the company won't be a problem. I'll makes some calls tomorrow, get things moving, there are people that we use to fast track business deals".

"I thought as much regarding the company. Do you fancy another tea".

Robert looked at his watch to see if he had time and then gasped in horror. It was seven o'clock. He had told Aaron that he would be back by four at the latest. "I better not, I told Aaron I would be back at four, he'll wonder where I've got to, I need to go".

Richard and Robert went back to the living room so Robert could pick up his jacket. Robert pulled his phone out and checked for messages. Five voicemails and ten texts from Aaron alone, then there were messages from Liv. He was going to be in deep trouble.

Richard watched as Robert was checking his phone. "Is everything ok?".

"Not really. Aaron had left several messages, I am so going to be in the dog house when I get home. He was pretty insistent that I should be home in good time today".

"It's hardly surprising, it is Valentine's Day after all".

Robert looked horror stricken. What with the emotional turmoil of meeting Richard again he had been so preoccupied it had totally slipped his mind what the day was. "I totally forgot, I really have to go, he is going to be absolutely livid with me for being this late".

Richard smiled. "I'm sure you'll think of something, Jamie always said that you could charm the birds from the trees when you set your mind to it".

"I not sure that I'll have enough charm this time, I just have to hope that he's in a forgiving mood".

Robert made his way to the door. Richard opened it for him and he stepped out. He turned back and faced Richard once more. "I call about the company tomorrow, let you know what's happening".

"That will be good and maybe we can arrange to meet again, maybe have lunch this time?".

"Lunch sounds good, I'll check my diary to see what days I have free".

Richard reached out and hugged Robert. "Thank you once again for today, its meant so much to me seeing you again, I sorry that I took so long to do the right thing. You've been so very kind and understanding, I'm not sure that I have deserved it.

"Lets let the past go. Its what Jamie would have wanted. I know that things went wrong between us when Jamie died and I won't lie to you and say you didn't hurt me but I just want us draw a line under the past and move forwards".

"I'd like that"

"Good, its a deal. Now I really have to go".

Richard gave him one last hug, to his delight Robert returned it. "Drive home safely laddie"

Robert nodded and then turned around and walked back to his car. He got in and looked back at the house to see Richard watching him. He raised his hand in farewell and started the car and began his journey home. 

As he drove home he tried to regain some semblance of his normal composure, he felt totally drained, the trauma of reliving the past had left him feeling raw and vulnerable. His mind turned to how he was going to mollify his husband. The last text had been pretty abrupt, it was obvious that Aaron was absolutely livid with him, with every justification of course. He debated whether to call Aaron and let him know that he was on the way home but decided to leave it until he got back, he was only 10 minutes away now. He wasn't looking forward to the inevitable row one bit.


	12. Valentine's Day and aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron confronts Robert when he finally gets back. Robert opens up about his past relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows on from what happened in the previous chapter plus the fallout goes into the next day. Combination of anger, fluff and angst and a little bit of romance.

Valentine's Day Evening

Robert had barely got through the door when Aaron confronted him. "Finally, where the hell have you been?".

"I'm sorry, my meeting overran"

"Is that it as explanations go. Your meeting overran? I've been worried sick. You said that you would be home at four and then you roll up over three hours late. You've ignored all my calls and texts. I was about to call the hospitals, to check whether you had had an accident". 

"I am so sorry Aaron. I know I've messed up, I really do. I feel awful about it. I didn't mean to be so late".

"It didn't stop you though did it".

Robert looked over and noticed that the kitchen table was all laid out, candles and flowers. if it was possible to feel any worse he did. "You've gone to a lot of trouble, the table looks amazing"

"I wasted my time though haven't I. Everything is ruined now".

"It doesn't have to be. We can still make a night of it".

"How? Dinner's ruined. It was burnt ages ago, besides I'm not in the mood anymore, you've spoil the evening, you obviously find work more important than me".

Robert felt awful again, he wanted desperately to make amends. "Please Aaron, let me try to put things right, I can cook us something. Just let me make it up to you, we can still have a wonderful evening".

Aaron just glared at Robert. He was not in the mood to be conciliatory. He had planned this romantic evening down to the last detail. He had wanted to make it special, the first Valentine's Day after Robert's health scare, a celebration that his husband was still with him, that he hadn't lost him forever.

Robert could see that Aaron was still really angry, he didn't blame him one bit. So far his words had met on stony ground. He went over to Aaron. He placed a hand on Aaron arm only to rebuffed. He tried again and this time Aaron relented. Robert gently rubbed his arm in a bid to soothe him. "You have even right to be mad at me, I'm mad at me to. I was mortified when I saw what the time was, I've messed up and I hate that I caused you to worry so much, I truly am"

Aaron wasn't prepared to let Robert off the hook just yet. "I'm still mad at you, its going to take more than fancy words to make this right".

Robert looked into Aaron stormy eyes. "I can see that, I know that I have my work cut out to make it up to you, but I will if you let me".

Aaron to annoyance found himself relenting. ""How do you plan to do that then and just to warn you it is going to have to be really good"

"Firstly I want to make you dinner, anything you want ingredients allowing, your choice. I'll be your personal chef for the evening".

Aaron replied, his grumpiness still evident in his voice. "I thought you were that already".

Robert smiled. "So I am, so that's not much of an incentive to get me back into your good books is it".

Aaron shook his head. "Think again".

"Ok. How about I give you your present and card".

Aaron looked curiously at Robert. "You got me something then, I thought that you had forgotten that as well as the time and me".

Robert winced internally, Aaron's latest barbs hitting home. "I would say that I never forget you, but I think under the circumstances I might still be on thin ice for you to believe me at the moment"

"Your finally wising up".

"So?"

"So what?"

"Do you want your present then?".

Aaron looked peevishly at him. "I might as well have it".

"Wow, don't sound to enthusiastic. I just go and get it".

Robert quickly went upstairs, he went to the wardrobe, retrieved the card and present he had hidden away from Aaron's prying eyes and went straight downstairs again. Aaron was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a beer. He had opened one for Robert, which Robert took to be a good sign, he was definitely thawing a little. Robert went over to where he sat and handed him his card and present. 

Aaron opened the card first. It was pretty soppy even my Robert's standards, he felt himself welling up with what Robert had written. He then stared at the present for a while.

"Aren't you going to open it?"

Aaron tore the wrapping paper off and saw an expensive looking box with the Rolex logo on. He gasped in surprise. He opened the box and saw the watch. He was stunned. He looked at Robert with wonder on his face. "This is amazing, it the same one that I was admiring in the window when we were in Leeds, it cost a bomb".

"Its worth every penny to see the look on your face, if you turn the watch over and look at the back you'll see that I have had it engraved, its exactly the same as you had engraved on my Dad's watch which you gave me back on our wedding day".

Aaron turned the watch over and looked at the engraving, tears forming in his eyes. "Thank you, it's the most amazing present I've ever had, mine didn't come close".

"You like it then?".

Aaron reached over to Robert and gave him a massive hug. I love it. It's perfect".

Robert smiled at him. "You see, I do have moments when I'm not being a complete Muppet".

"I suppose you want me to let you off the hook now for being late?"

"No not yet, I still think I need to work on it, show you how truly contrite I am".

Aaron looked at Robert and smiled. "What have you got in mind".

"Well as I said I'll cook you anything you want for dinner and later maybe you can decide how else I can make it up to you. Anything you want"

Aaron smile turned into a wicked one. "Anything I want?".

"Anything"

"Well for starters I am getting hungry. Why don't you start on dinner to give me some thinking time for what I what to do afterwards".

Robert smiled. "Ok. What do you want to eat".

"I was thinking if it won't take to long we could have some ravioli".

Of all the things that Robert thought Aaron might ask for this wasn't top of the list. "You sure?".

"Yes, its brings back fond memories".

Robert was a bit nonplussed. "Ravioli it is then".

Aaron watched as Robert prepared their meal. He loved watching Robert cook. He made it look so simple. He remembered watching Robert prepare the same dish on Valentine's Day 2 years ago. It had been that night when he had finally admitted to himself that he wanted Robert back in his life. No more self-deception and denial. He had been fascinated by Robert's hands back then, as the long tapered fingers had dexterously worked their magic and turned the flour and eggs into pasta. It had awoken memories of the pleasure that those hands had given him, how they had always woven their magic, making his body come alive and he had felt desire course through him, the nostalgia hitting him of what they had had and lost. Watching now he felt the familiar longings begin to stir inside himself once more, the heat beginning to spread throughout his body as his desire for his husband began to consume him.

"Are you still with me"

Aaron jolted with a start, Robert's voice had broken his reverie. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Sorry million miles away".

"Anywhere nice?"

Aaron blushed his face turning a bright shade of red. He decided to come clean. "I was just thinking about how I watched you cook the same dish on Valentine's Day two years ago".

Robert looked startled. "Really".

"You sound surprised?".

"I would have thought that there were better Valentine days than that you could have been thinking of, the one before was much more memorable".

Aaron was momentarily puzzled. "Why?.

"Well I seem to recall the only reason I was around that night was so I could cook you a meal so you could impress your boyfriend. You wanted to pull out all the stops to make the night special for him".

Aaron inwardly cursed himself, damn it, judging by the sound of Robert's voice he had put his foot well and truly in it. Just when things were getting back to normal after he had let rip at Robert for being late. Honesty was the only thing that he felt could redeem him. "The reason why I was thinking back to that night was because it was the night that I came to my senses, realised that I wanted you back, that I had been fooling myself thinking that anybody could even come close. If Alex hadn't turned up when he did you know I would have kissed you and then one thing would have lead to another and we would have ended up in bed. That night I wanted you so badly it physical hurt, I couldn't bear us being apart anymore. You remember 'pocket dial'. I called you because I wanted to tell you to come back and then I bottled it. You must that thought I was a right idiot".

Robert saw that Aaron was welling up, he halted what he was doing and went and sat with his husband at the table. He took hold of Aaron's hands entwining their fingers together. "Things did work out in the end, we got our happy ending Mr Sugden-Dingle". 

Robert leant over and tantalising brushed his lips against Aaron's in a light kiss before moving back so he could look closely at his husband. He saw the desire ignited in his husband's eyes and kissed him again. This time the kiss was deeper and longer. Their arms fastened around each other, one of Robert's hands curled around Aaron's neck, gently caressing the hair at the nape of his neck. Aaron felt like a bolt of electricity had passed through him, as Robert's long tapered fingers set every nerve in his body on fire just as he had mused over a few minutes earlier. He deepened the kiss. They eventually pulled apart, both of them breathless. The intensity of their desire for each other leaving them both shaken to their cores.

Aaron looked at Robert, smiling in triumph as he noted how unravelled his husband was just from one kiss, the longing showing in Robert's eyes, tonight Aaron resolved to take control, make Robert a quivering wreck in their bed, make him so desperate for his touch, to feel him inside of him that he would literally beg for it, hard, fast and deep.

Robert saw the glint in his husband's eyes, knew what was coming, it wasn't often that Aaron was the one that dictated what they did, but secretly when Aaron was in this mood he loved it, loved the fact that his husband was so consumed with want for him that he lost everyone of his inhibitions and that he wouldn't stop until Robert was incoherent with desire, that he so desperate for him that he would be obedient to his every command. After the day Robert had had he needed this so much, to feel his husband buried deep inside him, to make him feel whole again.

Aaron finally broke the silence "Do you want to postpone dinner for a while?".

Robert nodded. He let Aaron take his hand and lead him upstairs, already anticipating being at his husband's mercy and the pleasures it would bring.

............................................................................  
Feb 15th

Aaron lay sated in Robert's arms. His husband had been true to his word when he had told Aaron that he could do anything he wanted. He sighed contentedly. He felt Robert tighten his arms around his body. His body ached from their lovemaking. Once hadn't been enough. It had only increased their hunger for each other. The night had been split between slumber and sex. They were both exhausted, their bodies battered and bruised by the ferocity of their lovemaking. Aaron stretched and winced. He heard Robert laugh. Aaron was slightly miffed. "You won't be laughing when you stretch to".

"I don't need to stretch to know that, I can still feel you inside of me. I ache like hell".

Aaron smirked. Mission accomplished. "Makes a change, now you know how I feel when you can't put me down".

"I'm not complaining. I enjoyed every minute of last night. You should take control more often, I loved obeying your every whim, being your willing slave, it was fun.

Aaron turned scarlet, it was one thing letting go when their desires tipped them over the edge but now in the morning in the cold light of day he blushed at what he had done the night before. He heard Robert laugh.

Aaron masked his embarrassment with peevishness. "I glad you find me funny".

Robert turned serious. "I'm not laughing at you, I laughing because I am happy. You are a conundrum. Last night you were utterly shameless and this morning you are blushing because of what you did. You know there is nothing wrong with enjoying my body, it perfectly natural for two people in love to take and give pleasure to each other and you certainly know how to that, you were amazing".

Aaron was saved from replying by the rumbling sound of this stomach. They hadn't got round to having dinner last night after all. He was absolutely famished. He grabbed at the chance to change the subject. "I am so hungry. You never did get around to finishing dinner". 

"I think I can definitely blame you for that, you wouldn't let me out of bed".

"I didn't see you make much of an effort to resist".

"Why would I when I was having the time of my life".

There he went again. Even now Aaron was still in awe at how completely shameless Robert was. He couldn't find a suitable reply. "I go and get us something to eat, you stay put".

"Don't I get a good morning kiss first?".

Aaron shook his head at Robert, he was absolutely wanton. He nevertheless compiled with his husband's wishes before dragging himself out of bed. He felt his skin burn as Robert's eyes focused on this nakedness. He reached to the floor and found his boxers and pulled them on.

"Spoilsport, I was enjoying the view".

Aaron shook his head at him once more, noting the smirk on his husband's face. He left Robert lying there as he went in search of food.

............................................................................................................

 

Aaron was just about to enter their bedroom, a tray in his hands laden with food, when he heard Robert talking on this phone. He couldn't hear everything being said but he heard enough to ignite his curiosity. Robert was talking about his meeting yesterday, really tough, just as I thought, got back late, messed up, needed to make it up to Aaron, get things rolling, due diligence by Monday, contract to be draw up, email estimated figures needed and so on. Aaron heard Robert laughing, obviously somebody he knew, that laugh was reserved only for people he really liked. Aaron heard Robert say goodbye. He crept back from the door and went silently down the stairs and then walked back up them making enough noise for Robert to hear. He went back to their bedroom and opened the door.

Aaron went over to the bed and put the tray of food down, he was curious about the call, he tried to sound as casual as he could when he asked. "Were you on the phone, I though I heard you talking?"

"I was just tying up a few loose ends from my meeting yesterday. All done".

Aaron noted that Robert hadn't volunteered any information. He decided to leave it for the time being. "Good. Because today you are having the day off. I've checked your schedule and you have no meetings today and nothing booked down as having to be done. So if you need to send anymore texts or make anymore calls you have until I go back downstairs and fetch the coffee and orange juice and come back".

"I've done what I needed to. I promise that the rest of the day is all yours".

Aaron came back with their drinks. He handed Robert his orange juice, putting the rest of the drinks on the table next to him and then he got back into bed. They ate in silence for a while, both ravenous. Robert spoke first. "Can you pass me some coffee".

Aaron handed Robert a mug of coffee and decided after his husband had taken a few sips and got his first hit of caffeine for the day that he was likely to be more receptive to his plans for the day. "I was thinking that we could have a quiet day, I don't know about you but I don't really fancy doing much, mum wants us to have lunch with her in the pub when we go and pick Seb up and then maybe a good walk afterwards, take the mutt out, he got withdrawal symptoms yesterday because you weren't around. Get some fresh air. I was thinking that in the evening we could have the pasta you prepared last night but we didn't get around to cook, there more than enough for all of us, I think that Liv would be annoyed if we tried to ditch her two nights running".

"Sounds good, seems like you have got everything figured out, although to be honest I wouldn't mind swerving the mother-in-law".

Aaron looked at Robert with mock severity. "No can do. If you play nice she might keep Seb until after we have had our walk".

"Ah, I see you want me all on my own again? I have to warn you though that there is no way that you are going to have your way with me outside in this cold. Its freezing".

Aaron laughed "Your are unbelievable, I can manage to resist you for more than a few hours. Besides, after last night old man, I doubt you'll have the energy. You need to pace yourself at your age".

"Yeh right, I was still able to match you even at my advanced years, it will be interesting to see how fit you are at my age".

"When I get to your age, you'll be 40. You really will be ancient"

"Really. Do you honestly think that when I'm 40 I won't have traded you in for a younger model".

"Course you will, I mean, I can image all the young hot fit men wanting an old man like you, they'll be queuing up. Not. Besides who in their right mind would put up with you, you're a nightmare?".

Robert smiled. "Good point there, I can't image who would be dumb enough?".

Aaron laughed. "I will. I'll put up with you".

Robert smiled touched his eyes. "What time do we have to go round to the pub?".

"Mum said about 12".

"We've got time then".

Aaron looked closely at Robert and saw the glint in this eyes. "You're not serious?".

Robert nodded. "Of course, can't have you thinking that I'm past it. If you play your cards right I might even scrub your back in the shower afterwards".

"Make it a bath and your on".

Robert agreed.

Aaron got up and quickly cleared away their breakfast, putting the plates and tray on the floor. He got into bed again and reached for his husband. It seemed that the day was going to start just the way he liked it.

............................................................................................

Robert sat in the pub with Aaron, Chas, Paddy, Liv and Seb. As meals went it had been fine. It was just the hassle that went with it that had spoilt it. Normally he could managed to be polite to the in-laws for a fixed period of time but today's encounter had tried his patience. Chas has been in full mama bear mode. Aaron had obviously been upset yesterday and his mum wasn't happy with Robert for upsetting him. He had subsequently endured a pointed lecture about how irresponsible he had been yesterday, for one not letting Aaron know he was going to be late and therefore worrying him sick about what had happened to him, did he know that they were about to ring the hospitals to check whether he had had an accident and two why was a meeting more important then making sure her son had a wonderful Valentine's Day, he should have got his priorities right. Aaron first. She had eased up when Aaron had proudly shown her the watch that Robert had bought him saying it was very nice but the least he deserved for putting up with Robert. Robert had to apology all over again and then had to promise his mother-in-law that he would never be so thoughtless again before she mercifully shut up. To make matters worse even Liv had given him hell. He had felt thoroughly got at, it wasn't a feeling that he liked.

Aaron had eventually took pity on his husband and rescued him from the grilling. As Aaron had predicted Chas agreed to look after Seb for another couple of hours so they could go out for a walk. Robert asked Liv if she wanted to come, she was on the verge of saying yes before she felt Aaron nudge her with his foot under the table and she had hastily changed her mind and said that she would stop and help look after Seb.

.........................................................................................................................

Aaron and Robert had walked for over 30 minutes. Robert had been quiet at first, Aaron cursed his mum for putting him in one of his moods, she had wound him up with her overbearing lectures and nagging and whilst he loved her dearly he wished that she let him fight his own battles, especially where Robert was concerned. Aaron recognising the source of his husband's mood and wanting them to get back to how they had been earlier had set to ease things by apologising to Robert about his mum. Robert seeing that he was trying to make amends met him halfway and had made the right noises in response, should have know better, sorry again and all that. The mood improved after that and they chatted amiably afterwards. Now that the dust had settled between them he wanted some answers. 

When he thought about it rationally, in the cold light of day he acknowledged to himself that he had been so worried about where Robert had been, panicking himself by thinking the worst, that he had let go of his anxiety by venting his anger. In hindsight he wished he had reacted differently. When he looked back Robert had looked drained and upset, he hadn't been right. He reflected that if the roles had been reversed Robert would have acted differently, he would have seen that something was wrong and instantly been concerned, he would have asked what had happened and then offered whatever comfort he could instead of yelling at him. 

Aaron's curiosity had also been spiked with what he had overheard this morning when Robert had been on the phone. He decided to test the waters, see if Robert's mood had improved enough for him to be receptive to talking. "I've been thinking about how I reacted last night when you came home. I'm sorry about how I was. I shouldn't have shouted at you, lost my temper".

"You had good reason to. I get why you were so angry. I scared you, worried you into thinking something bad had happened, I shouldn't have been so thoughtless. It won't happen again".

"I have forgiven you. Now stop beating yourself up over it".

Robert smiled. "Ok. Message received. I'll do as I'm told".

"That will be a first".

"Miracles do happen".

They reached a suitable place that allowed them to finally let Freddie of the lead. Robert let him go free and he began to run from side to side, sniffing to his hearts content. Aaron finally decided to take the plunge, ask Robert some of the questions that were playing on his mind. "Can we talk".

"I think we have been talking already".

"Very funny. I was thinking back to last night when you came in".

Robert interrupted, annoyance in his voice. "From what you just said I thought we were going to put the subject to rest so why are you bring it up again".

Aaron tried to appease him. "I wasn't going to have another go at you. I just wanted to ask something".

Robert failed to keep the peevishness out of his voice. "Like what?".

"I was so mad at you last night all I wanted to do was yell at you. I wish now that I had reacted differently. I should have been more considerate. When you came in you were deathly pale and you seemed upset, your eyes looked raw". Aaron took a deep breathe and ploughed on. "I was wondering if it was because of the meeting. whether something or somebody upset you and that that was the reason you were so late".

Robert held his breathe. He had thought that Aaron hadn't noticed the state he had been in, he realised now he should have known better. Aaron had been constantly vigilant around him since he had been ill, always worried about how he was. Of course he had damned well picked up on his distress. He debated with himself what he was going to say.

Aaron noticed that Robert had instantly looked tense at his observations, saw the look of apprehension on his face. He watched Robert carefully, could see the conflicted look on his face as he was obviously thinking about what he was going to tell him. He felt a moment of dread at where his question was going to take them. Satisfying his curiosity now didn't seem like it had been such a good idea after all.

Robert couldn't look at Aaron as he spoke. "The meeting was with somebody I used to know a long time ago. We were catching up".

Aaron blood ran cold. "Was he somebody important?".

"What make's you think it was a he?"

Aaron had guessed right that it had been a bloke, he instantly jumped to conclusions. "He was an ex wasn't he?".

"No, he wasn't"

"So what was so important about him that made you come home over three hours late and left you looking a wreck?".

"I wasn't aware that I looked that bad".

"I don't think this is the right time for you to be vain. Who was he".

Robert tried to steady his nerves. He was worried about Aaron reaction to what he had decided to say. "The man I met would, if things had worked out differently have been my father-in-law".

Aaron was dumbfounded. That was the last thing that he had expected to hear. 

Robert continued. "Just over a week ago I read a newspaper article about that smash on the by-pass. When I read the details I saw that the family that had been killed were related to him. I sent him a letter offering my condolences. I never expected to hear anything from him, we hadn't parted on good terms but to my surprise he got in touch".

"So you went to meet him?".

Robert nodded. "I was in two minds whether to go. I wasn't sure that I wanted to meet him because of what it would entail. I knew that the past would be resurrected and I wasn't sure that it would be a good thing, in the end I just went. I figured that it was best to finally try and get some closure, however much it was going to hurt".

Aaron remarked. "I wished you had spoken to me about meeting him. I could have helped you decide if you were doing the right thing. From the state you were last night when you got home, it looks like things went badly. You looked terrible, you were deathly pale and your eyes looked red raw as if you had been crying a lot".

Robert shook his head ruefully. "I should have known that you had noticed. I thought that you were to busy yelling at me that you hadn't spotted what a mess I was, that I had gotten away with it".

"No chance, I watch you like a hawk since you've have been ill. I'm still worried that you might get ill again, have a seizure, get dizzy, fall, I have to constantly check that your still alright, that your are still with me". 

Robert reached over to Aaron and halted him in his tracks. He could see the unshed tears in Aaron's eyes. He put his arms around him and hugged him tight. Aaron melted into his husband's arms, felt reassured as Robert soothed him. Robert always knew now to calm him. Robert moved back slightly so he could look Aaron in the eyes. "I glad that I have you to worry about me, take care of me, it means the world, but you need to stop worrying so much. I'm nearly back to full health again. The worst is over".

Aaron couldn't speak. He rested his head once more on Robert's shoulder. Felt Robert pull him tight against him again. Felt his husband rub his back. He began to feed more at ease again ready to face talking some more. He gently pulled out of his husband's embrace, started them walking again before the mutt disappeared from sight and they had to spend hours looking for him. "So this meeting then was difficult?"

"There was never going to be any chance that the meeting wasn't going to be hard, I knew that it would be painful".

"Why?".

Robert tried to steady his nerves, he had decided to be honest about Jamie but he was frightened how Aaron would react when he told him the truth. "You know that I just told you that he had lost family in the accident I mentioned, well it wasn't the first time he had lost people he loved. He had a younger son that died over 6 years ago. The younger son that I had planned to marry".

Aaron gasped. He felt himself reeling, this was the second shock in a row. He had made the assumption that when his husband had mentioned that the man he had met was to have been his father-in-law that he had being going to marry his daughter. Aaron had never thought for one moment that Robert had had a boyfriend before him. Robert had told him that the only sexual encounters he had had with men before him had just been a series of one night stands. He felt betrayed".

Aaron struggled to get the words out. "You had a boyfriend?".

Robert nodded his head.

Aaron blurted it out. "But you told me you had only had one night stands with blokes before me. Who was he?"

Robert could hear the hurt in Aaron's voice. "Are you sure you want to do this?".

"I want to know".

"His name was Jamie, we met again when I was in Durham".

"So you knew him before you starting seeing him when you were in Durham, had you slept with him before then?".

"I'm sorry, I'm making a mess of this, I'm not explaining things very well. I guess I need to go back to the beginning. Do you remember me telling you about the lad my dad caught me with when I was 15. He was called Jamie. We were at school together, same year. One summer holiday he got a job on Dad's farm so he could be near me, seemed that he had fancied me from afar and wanted to get closer, finally decided he wanted to do something about it. We gradually got to know each other over the summer and we grew to like one another. One thing lead to another and we ended up alone in my bedroom. We started to kiss and things escalated to the point that we were on the verge of sleeping together when my Dad came in and caught us. You know the rest. Who knows how things would have turned out if my Dad hadn't of reacted the way he did, maybe we could have been together back then, I could have been me, it would have saved everybody so much heartache. But things didn't work out like that, Dad thrashed the hell out of me and I never went anywhere near him again, I was to scared to, I knew that if Andy saw us together at school he would tell Dad I was hanging about with a gay lad. I was terrified what Dad would do to me, so I suppressed my feelings and became what my Dad wanted me to be".

Aaron reached for Robert's hand. Gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"So how come you met up again?".

Robert gathered himself, trying to compose his emotions as he continued. "It was one of those surreal moments that is stranger than fiction. I had gone out for a drink with a friend I had made at university, he told me that his cousin would be joining us later. We were just drinking and then this lad turned up, when I looked at him I saw that it was Jamie. I couldn't believe it at first, it was weird. Six years later and there he was in front of me, it freaked me out". 

"So you picked up where you had abruptly left off all those years ago?".

"Not at first. I was still struggling to cope with what had happened to me when I was 19, when those men attacked me and left me for dead, I struggled to trust anybody after that and I certainly didn't let anybody get to close to me. I was frightened of my own shadow back then. I kept Jamie at arms length at first, but gradually I let him get to know me again. As time went by, as I started to feel comfortable with him we sort of drifted together, starting seeing each other".

Aaron could feel tears start to form in his eyes again. He never thought of his husband as someone that had ever been vulnerable in his life, he hadn't really thought about what the effects of the attack would have had on him in detail. He cursed himself now, why did he always have to assume that Robert was indestructible, of course he would have struggled, how could he have not. "Did he make you happy?".

Robert was wary about how to reply.

Aaron realised why Robert was reluctant to answer him. "You can tell me the truth, I had boyfriends before you that I loved, you are allowed to have cared about people in the past to".

Robert looked at Aaron gratitude showing in his eyes. "He did make me happy, I grew to love him very much. Back then he was the perfect person for me. He had this happy disposition that was infectious, he was kind and funny, he loved living. He brought me back to life, made the past easier to bear. He made it possible for me to be myself, but back then it was easy to be me when I was far away from Emmerdale, I no longer had to be Jack Sugden's son and everything I thought it had to entail. It was only when I returned that I struggled, went back to the dark ages when I felt I couldn't be myself".

Robert stopped.

"You can go on. If its helps you to talk about stuff that fine but if you don't want to talk that's fine to, whatever you decide I'm not going to get upset".

"It not about you getting upset, what am I saying of course it is, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's also strange talking to you about somebody else I once loved, I don't want you to think that..."

"That you don't care about me as much, Robert I know how much you love me, you show me that everyday, with everything you do for me".

Robert nodded. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. Aaron could see that he was struggling to keep his composure. He eventually got himself under control. "Before I met you I thought that Jamie was the love of my life, I loved him so much, when he died I never thought I could ever be happy again, that I would be alone for the rest of my life and then I met you and you turned by life upside down. To this day I don't know what spell you put on me, but from the moment I met you I couldn't get you out of my head, I thought about you all the time. I made such a mess of things back then, I should never have been with Chrissie in the first place, I knew deep down that I would never love her the way I should, that she was a stop gap to ease my loneliness, me pressing the self destruct button. I feel so ashamed of the mess I made of things back then, the people I hurt needlessly. The minute we got together I should have left her and been with you. I should have had the guts to admit to being bi-sexual in Emmerdale instead of denying it because I was still letting a man long dead make me feel ashamed of who I was in the village I was brought up in. Its a miracle after the way I treated you that we ended up together, I wouldn't have blamed you if you had told me to go to hell so I lost you forever, but you didn't and I am so grateful for that. My life now is more that I ever dreamt it could possibly be. You make me so happy, I love you so much".

Aaron felt himself welling up. "I'm glad I didn't walk away. If I had I would have missed out on something so special. I know I not one for fancy words, that's your department but you have loved me like no one else. It means the world to me. Jamie was really lucky"

Robert lost his battle with keeping his composure, the tears began to flow. Aaron reached out and pulled Robert into his arms. Their tears mingling together.

After a while they slowly eased apart. Aaron looked deeply into Robert's eyes and saw the love reflected in them. He smiled. He would never tire of the way his husband looked at him, never tire of seeing the love radiate from his eyes. "Thank you for telling me. I know that its not easy for you to talk about the past".

"No, its not easy to open up, I guess it's a legacy from my childhood. I learnt to bury things that hurt me because I didn't think that anybody gave a damn about me or how I felt, so what was the point of telling them anything, but you know all this, I told you at the hospital".

Aaron nodded. He gently stroked Robert's arm. "You never said how Jamie died".

Robert looked aghast at his question. 

"Robert, what's the matter?".

"He died Aaron, does it matter how".

Aaron was worried now. "Please tell me".

Robert couldn't look Aaron in the eyes as he replied. "He died of a drug overdose".

Aaron recoiled in horror. The memories of how upset and angry Robert had been with him when he had found out he was taking Spice in prison flashed through his mind. "I'm so sorry, Robert..."

Robert saw the dismay on Aaron's face. He quickly reached out to him. Comforting him. "You weren't to know".

"I must have hurt you so much. It must have been like the past was coming back to haunt you. the pain I must have caused you, I'm so sorry". Aaron started to cry again.

Robert held Aaron's face in his hands and wiped the tears away. "You weren't to know. You were is a terrible place back then, struggling to cope with prison and what those animals were doing to you, they made your life a living hell. You knew what you were doing wasn't right, that you were harming yourself and you had the strength and courage to stop, I was so proud of you. Jamie though didn't have your strength, once he took the drugs he couldn't stop, he'd get clean then relapse and we start over again trying to get him clean once more. In the end he took one hit to many and it killed him. I tried so hard to save him but in the end I couldn't save him from himself".

Robert paused, trying his best to continue despite the pain that reliving the past was causing him. "The reason I looked so upset last night was that Richard, that's the name of the man I met and I talked about Jamie and the past, I relived what happened. It hurt like hell. Losing Jamie broke my heart, I blamed myself for not being able to save him. Richard blamed me to. The guilt crucified me. It almost killed me. Yesterday was the first time I had seen Richard for almost 6 years. Between us we finally managed to put some ghosts to rest"

"What made you blame yourself, knowing you the way I do, knowing how you would move heaven and earth for me, I can't believe for one moment that you didn't do everything you could to save him".

Robert looked broken. "I left him alone. I went out to a meeting and in my absence he had gone and gotten some drugs and took them. When I came back I found him dying on the floor.".

Robert started to cry. Aaron quickly pulled him into his arms. It was his turn to comfort his husband. "He chose to take the drugs Robert, you didn't force him to. Sometimes as hard as you try you can't save people from themselves, you remember what happened with Holly. Moira did everything she could to help her but in the end it was to no avail. Holly couldn't help herself, she had to have one last fix and it killed her. Do you blame Moira for that?"

"Of course not".

"Then why do you blame yourself. Why can't you forgive yourself the way you forgive other people who have hurt you. Why do you not get to be forgiven like everybody else?"

Robert sobbed. "Please, Aaron don't" 

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you do this to yourself, I'm not going to stand by and see you crucify yourself, what did this bloke say when you talked to him, did he still blame you?"

Robert shook his head. "No, not anymore. Part of the reason he wanted to see me was to say sorry. He had as many regrets about the past as I did. I think by talking about things we both managed to finally find some peace".

Aaron wiped away Robert's tears. He gently cradled his husband in his arms "Come on, lets go home. Its getting cold out here and the mutt looks like he finally worn himself out"

Robert nodded and carefully moved out of Aaron's embrace. He wiped his eyes again. He reached out for Aaron' hand and together they started back. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before, but it was part of the past that I had buried and couldn't talk about, it was to painfully. I'm sorry that I lied to you about certain things".

"Well you have told me the truth now and it means a lot, that you have trusted me to tell me stuff about the past. I know how hard it is for you to talk".

"You and me both, we are a right pair. I don't know which of us is the worst".

"You are. I tell you stuff all the time".

"Only when I prise it out of you and you don't make it easy every then".

Aaron snorted. "Are we having an argument about which of us is the worst at discussing stuff?".

"I'm not arguing, I'm just pointing out a true fact".

Aaron shook his head. "You are unbelievable"

Robert smiled though his tears that still glistened in his eyes. He put his arm around Aaron's shoulders as they walked along. "Don't worry, nobody is around to see. I'll let you go when we get closer to the village".

"So was it Jamie that taught you to be so hot between the sheets?"

Robert almost halted in his tracks. He took a quick look at this husband to try and read his mood. Fortunately he looked like he was winding him up, trying to ease the mood. "Well he gave me the odd pointer but mostly its just been down to being blessed with a natural talent".

Aaron scoffed. "Just when I think that you can't get anymore cocky. You are unbelievable, so are so damned smug".

Robert managed to laugh. "Well if I am being pushed further I would have to admit that I did learn a hell of a lot from one of my ex's. She was hotter than Hades. She did things to me that I didn't know were possible, it was the best sex I ever had with a woman. Would you like me to go into detail".

Aaron started to blush. "I'm warning you now, I don't want to hear. I've heard all about your licentiousness from Vic, she told me you couldn't keep it in your pants when you were younger, cheated on every girl you were with, she said you were a right dirt bag".

"Ah Vic, my sister has a way with words, money well spent on that charm school of her, not".

"So are you denying that you weren't a right slut?".

"I admit I had a few girlfriends when I was younger and yes I did cheat on them, but to be fair a lot of that was because I was trying to be something I wasn't to please my Dad, I'd go out with them so he would think that I was a proper man, that what had happened was a moment of madness but after a while I would get bored, they left me feeling empty, that there was something missing so I'd try and find somebody else to make the emptiness disappear. I was totally screwed up back then. The weird thing is that by today's standards I haven't slept with that many people, contrary to what you once thought and other people still think I don't sleep with everything that has a pulse".

Aaron looked at his husband indignant face. "Really?"

"Yes really".

Robert halted Aaron and pulled him into his arms once again, he looked his husband in the eyes. "I admit that I have had the odd one night stand in the past but they have been scarce, a couple at the most and that is because I don't like to sleep with people I don't know. When I have slept with people in the past it is because I have genuinely cared about them or liked them enough to be intimate with them at that moment in time. Of all the people I have slept with and I reiterate that there is not as many as you think, there have only been 2 that I have truly loved with every fibre of my being. The kind of love that burns into your soul, consumes your every waking moment, the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. The first was Jamie and the second and the absolute last is you. You are the love of my life. As much as I loved Jamie, God forgive me for saying this, but the love I feel for you surpasses what I felt for him. You are the reason for every breathe I take.

Aaron looked at Robert, he was lost for words. He buried his head against Robert's shoulder. He felt Robert place a hand on the back of his head. Holding him close. He breathed in Robert's scent, the familiar smell that acted like a comfort blanket for him, soothing him. Robert's words had left him shaken. He had never know such love, never imaged that anybody could ever care for him that much, had never thought in his wildest dreams that it would be possible to have especially with Robert. He slowly looked up and saw the love in his husband's eyes and smiled, his eyes lighting up with the love he felt for this wonderful man that he loved with all his heart. He was just about to say something, tell Robert how deeply he loved him in return when Freddie barked making him jump.

Aaron bristled at the interruption. "That bloody mutt knows how to ruin the moment".

Robert laughed. Aaron joined in.

They headed back towards home. Hand in hand. Freddie happy that they were moving again as he meandered from side to side. 

Robert broke the silence. "I know what you were going to say".

"You know do you?".

"I know".

Aaron gave Robert's hand a squeeze as they continued on their way. No more words were necessary.


	13. A Walk on the Moors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron walk on the moors. Aaron talk to Robert about how he is feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is struggling to cope with Robert's new work and old insecurities are coming back. Robert does his best to help. Robert starts to worry when the conversation leads to him realizing that if he tells Aaron more about his past it could ruin things between them. Talks between them lead to talking about increasing their family

Aaron sat in the passenger seat. He looked out of the side window. There was a scowl on his face, he had been 'in a mood' ever since Robert had suggested that they should spend the morning and early afternoon out walking in the Yorkshire Dales National Park. His mood hadn't improved when Robert hadn't shown the slightest sympathy towards him for not wanting to go, saying he should count his blessings that he hadn't suggested that they go to the North Yorkshire Moors instead, that they were even further away. Aaron hadn't been impressed, he couldn't understand why they had to drive for nearly one and a half hours just to go for a walk. They could walk at home. 

In the end Aaron had had to relent. Robert had played his trump card. Would it be to much for you to go out of your way just for once to make an effort to do what I want today of all days, it is my birthday after all, it hardly asking much. It was when he was being like this that Aaron was amazed that his husband had reached 34. That he hadn't wound up somebody so much that they hadn't straggled him, but then Aaron mused that maybe this wasn't the best way to be thinking, his husband had had far to many near misses in the past for him to be wondering how he was still breathing. Annoyance aside he was grateful that Robert was alive and kicking, he shuddered to think what the alternative would be like, the horror of being without him was to terrifying even to contemplate. Robert had become as essential to him as breathing. Simply put Robert was his life, not that he was going to emphasis that to much to Robert, his husband was far to smug at times for his own good, he didn't need anymore encouragement to think he was God's gift. 

Robert looked over and noticed that Aaron was still brooding. His husband was in a strange mood, he had noticed that he had been a little subdued lately. One of the reasons he had wanted to get away from the village was so he could talk to Aaron, try to get to the bottom of what was worrying him. He had racked his brains to try and work out what could be up but he couldn't think of anything that was wrong. Life was good for both of them. Things were going well, he was enjoying working again at what he did best, he had forgotten how much he had loved his job before he had walked away from his old life when Jamie died. He felt truly alive work wise for the first time in years. The latest MRI scan had come back clear, no trace whatsoever of the tumour coming back so his health was back to normal, he was feeling really well again. There had been no major family crisis, which by Dingle standards was a miracle, something was usually kicking off in one of the numerous relations lives that caused chaos. even things had begun to thaw with Diane and Vic, they had reached a truce so relatively harmonious times had resumed. Robert had to admit he was flummoxed.

They finally reached their destination, Yockenthwaite. The starting place of the walk he had chosen. Horsehead Moor and Deepdale. He had checked the distance. Just over 5 miles. In true Robert fashion he had gone online and researched the walk, checked that it was dog friendly and then printed off the map with accompanying narrative on the directions to take. He'd even chosen a suitable stop for the picnic he had prepared near the River Wharfe. He mused that this was a part of him that drove Aaron crazy, but it was in his blood to always checked and double checked, it was ingrained in him. He needed to feel that he was in control, that nothing had been left to chance. He hated surprises.

Robert parked the car and got out. Aaron sat for a while before he reluctantly got out of the car and went round to join Robert. Robert handed him the bag containing their picnic and then released Freddie from his seat belt. The dog jumped out of the car and started to dance around his feet. Robert bent down and patted him until he had calmed down. He put Freddie's lead on and reached for his rucksack and put it over his shoulder. Robert reached into his pocket and pulled the map out. He pointed at a place in the near distance. "That's the starting point over there".

Aaron just grunted. He still had a mutinous look on his face. Robert mused that his husband was going to take some thawing out. He was determined to get to the bottom of what was wrong however long it took. something was definitely off. 

Aaron and Robert walked in silence. Robert had tried to get a conversation going but all he got in response was grunts, yeses and no's. After 5 minutes he'd had enough. "Are you determined to spoil my birthday?"

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. Robert's finally snapped. "What the hell is wrong with you? You have been off for days. If I have done something wrong just spit it out so we can at least sort it out".

Aaron mumbled in response. "You haven't done anything wrong".

Robert was slightly mollified. "That's a relief, I have been trying to work out what I had done wrong and for a change I had come up blank. So if it's not me what is it and don't saying nothing. I don't want to be lied to".

Aaron looked up sharply. He could see that Robert had that serious look on his face. He knew that when Robert was in this mood he wasn't going to let the matter drop until he had answers. "You'll think that I'm stupid".

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that".

Aaron looked embarrassed. "I'm just being an idiot".

"Your my idiot and I care about you. I know that something is bothering you and I want to help. I hate seeing you upset".

Robert maneuvered Aaron towards a nearby wall and they sat down. Robert called over to Freddie and the dog came and sat at his feet. Aaron started to feel annoyed, the mutt always did as Robert told him when the little s**t in comparison went out of his way to play him up. Aaron looked around, saw the emptiness for miles in all directions. He shuddered as a feeling of loneliness took hold of him. 

"So what's up".

Aaron stayed silent. 

"Seriously, whatever it is just tell me".

"Why was it so important that we came here?".

Robert was surprised, this wasn't the answer he had expected to hear. "I thought it would be a change from walking around the village, it beautiful around here. Peaceful and unspoiled".

"Yeh".

"Don't you think so?".

"Just looks bleak to me, it all hills and rocks, Mile after mile of emptiness".

"Is that how you feel, empty?".

Aaron gasped. Robert had this preternatural ability to read his mind at times, it freaked him out. He looked over at Robert, saw the sadness in his eyes. "It's not your fault. Its me. I'm being pathetic. A needy little kid".

Robert closed the gap between them. He tenderly cupped Aaron's face in his hands and looked deeply into his eyes. "You're not pathetic. We all have days when we feel down and things seem worse than they are. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you and you can say anything, however daft you think it is, I'm not going to think you are stupid or laugh at you. I hate seeing you upset and I want to make things better".

Aaron smiled at his husband. He lent closer so he could press his lips against Robert's, tenderly kissing him then drawing back. Robert's dropped his hands from Aaron's face and gently pulled his husband against him, wrapping his arms around him. Aaron rested his head in his favourite spot. Just under Robert's chin. He felt Robert move his arms. One hand moving to cup his neck, his fingers lightly caressing the short hairs at its base and the other hand firmly gripping his hip. He felt the brush of Robert's lips against the top of his head. Aaron sighed in contentment, breathing in Robert's expensive aftershave, the fragrance so familiar. He felt the tension of the last few weeks begin to leave him. He relaxed in the safety of his husband's strong arms. Robert kissed him once more on the top of the head. "Is this helping to make things a little better".

Robert's words brought Aaron back to the present, he had been so lost in the moment that he had left reality behind. He reluctantly dragged himself back to the real world. "I wish that we could always be like this, just the two of us together".

"Is that what you've been worried about, that you think that we aren't together the way you want us to be?"

Aaron hesitated before he spoke. "You have been away a lot recently, last week in particular you were away nearly all week. This new job of yours seems to be taking over your life. I miss you when you are not around".

Robert swore under his breathe. What an idiot he had been. He had got so wrapped up with work, enjoying the thrill of finally using his brain once more to its full potential that he had allowed it to consume him the way it had in the past. When would he ever learn. "I am so sorry. I just got caught up with what I was doing. I never meant to neglect you, I been such an idiot. I'll make sure in future that I get a better balance on things, not go away so much".

Aaron felt stupid now. "Don't be daft. I'm just being silly and needy. I know you are working hard for us, to give us a better life, I only have to look at what you have done with the scrap yard so far too see that". 

Aaron smiled at Robert before carrying on. "I always knew you were smart but this has really opened my eyes to just how brilliant you are, its just I have felt that you...".

Robert tightened his grip around Aaron. He felt an overwhelming sadness take hold of him. He finally thought he had twigged what had been bothering his husband. "All these changes are worrying you aren't they? The changes that you have seen in me, the scrap business, me going away a lot, it making you feel insecure. Do you think that you aren't going to be enough for me anymore, that you'll lose me?".

Aaron pulled away, shocked to the core. Robert had spoken his fears out loud. He felt raw, utterly exposed before his husband. There was no longer anywhere to hide. The words were wrenched from him. "Do you think that I'm still enough?".

Robert took his time is replying, trying to pick the right words. "Of course I do, you idiot. You will always be enough, I love you". 

Robert tried to make sure that the exasperation didn't come across in his voice as his continued. "When will you finally get it into you head that you are it for me"

Robert smiled to ensure that his words came across gently, conveying the love he felt for Aaron. "How many more times do I have to tell you that you are my world, that you along with Seb and Liv are the centre of my universe".

Aaron felt his heart soar. "Over and over again, I need to...". 

Aaron's emotions finally got the better of him and he started to cry. Robert pulled him into his arms once more and comforted him until he settled down. Aaron buried his head against Roberts chest. He didn't want to move. He felt disappointed in himself that he had allowed his insecurities to plague him once more, let the demons win out. He felt that he should be past all this. Robert had been devoted to him ever since they had got back together again over 2 years ago. He'd been there for him time after time. Why was there still something that stopped him from truly letting himself believe how much he was loved. 

Robert voice cut through Aaron's self recriminations. "Are you ok".

Aaron nodded. "Just feeling stupid and disappointed with myself. I should be past all this insecurity".

"Why?".

"I'm a grown man Robert. I shouldn't keep needing to be reassured like a child that I'm loved".

"I don't agree with that. Everybody likes to be told from time to time that they are loved. It makes me feel warm inside when you say it to me, makes me very happy".

Aaron sniffed. "Yeh right"

Robert smiled at Aaron, shaking his head at him for being grumpy. "Come on lets start walking again. I'm getting chilly standing still".

"You and the cold. I don't think I've ever known anybody to be so nesh. The amount of layers you have on at times is ridiculous, how you don't pass out with the heat amazes me".

Robert looked ahead. Saw Freddie running into the distance once more after he had been given the green light to move. Robert kept his eyes on him to make sure he didn't go to far ahead and they lost sight of him. "I meant what I said. I like to hear you tell me that you love me. I get insecure to".

Aaron took a quick glance at his husband, trying to gauge his mood. "You love yourself, you don't need to be told, your smug enough as it is without me boosting your ego all the time telling you how wonderful you are".

Robert laughed at Aaron's riposte at first then he turned serious. "I do need to though. It's a legacy of my childhood, back then I had a desperate need to be loved and never felt that I was. You know you and me, we are more alike than you think. I might not show it but I get insecure as well. I have moments when I am scared about losing you. That one day you will wake up, remember what a horrible person I have been, then come to your senses and run a million miles away. It terrifies me that I could lose you to". 

Robert felt overwhelmed with sadness. "I know that without you I would be broken beyond repair, left with an empty void in my heart and soul that nothing could ever fill".

Aaron stopped in his tracks. The honesty and rawness of Robert's words leaving him breathless. He faced Robert and looked deeply into his eyes, saw the mixture of sadness and pain flicker in them. He bit his lip unsure as to how to put the right words together, wanting to make sure that he got things out right. In the end he settled for simple words. "I love you, I love you with all my heart, body and soul and I will never leave you, you are it for me to, what were the vows again? Till death do us part".

Robert smiled at him, unshed tears glinting in his eyes. He had to admit that when Aaron finally got round to saying I love you he ticked all the boxes. "The lengths I have to go to, bearing my soul, to get you to say things like that, is it really so hard?".

Aaron felt a lump in his throat. "Loving you isn't hard, its the easiest thing in the world, its saying it aloud that is. You know me and words".

"I know".

Aaron took hold of Robert's hand and they started walking again. The tension he had felt these last weeks slowly beginning to dissolve as he felt himself on firm ground once more. They walked along, Aaron finally begin to enjoy himself. Robert was right there was a sense of peace out here. Just the two of them together as if they were the only two people left in existence. They finally reached the river. Robert brought them to a halt. Pointing out a secluded spot. They made their way there. Robert took the blanket out of his rucksack and they sat down. 

Robert pulled the map from his pocket trying to get back some normalcy. "According to the map we are just about halfway round. The rest should be more downhill. I was thinking we could stay here for a bit, have some lunch and just chill".

"Sounds good. Looks like the mutt could do with a rest. I think he has finally worn himself out".

Robert looked over and saw that Freddie had laid flat out on the blanket next to him. "It won't last for long. I think that dog's got Duracell batteries in him. They outlast the rest for hours on end".

Aaron laughed. "We should have listened to you. You told us that a Cockapoo would be a nightmare".

"When were you and Liv ever going to listen to me, once you had both seen the cute bundle of fluff I was outvoted as usually, the pair of you ganging up on me as you always do"

"Seb was in on it to. You should have seen his little face light up when he saw him. It was definitely 3 against 1, your little prince should share some of the blame to".

Aaron started to rummage through the bag, eager to see what Robert had packed, he was starving, He hoped it wasn't to poncy. He smiled as he noticed that it was proper picnic grub.

"Does it meet with sir's approval?".

Aaron laughed. "I see that you have gone down market".

"Not quite. There's some smoked salmon in there. I seem to remember that somebody took a shine to it when they put their inverted snobbery to one side".

"I can live with that providing there are no cucumber sandwiches in sight".

Robert laughed. "Damn I knew I had forgotten something".

They settled down to eat. At the smell of food Freddie woke up. Robert got Aaron to pass him the bag and he retrieved a bowl for Freddie which he filled up with some ham, sausages and chicken he had specially prepared for him. Aaron rolled his eyes at him. It never ceased to amaze him how much Robert spoiled that dog. Robert looked over and saw the look of reproof on Aaron's face.

"What"

"You know what, you spoil that dog rotten".

"How could I not? Just look at that cute little face and those big brown eyes".

Robert picked Freddie up, much to his annoyance as he wanted to eat the delicious food in his bowl, but as it was Robert he made nice. Robert cuddled him in his arms and looked at Aaron. "See, he's like a big teddy bear, how could you fail not to love him and want to spoil him rotten".

Aaron looked disgusted.

Robert started to laugh, enjoying having wound Aaron up. He settled Freddie down again so he could resume scoffing his lunch. 

"You're not the least bit funny you know. It weird, you of all people being so soft about a dog. You were adamant that you didn't want one, ever".

Robert laughed at Aaron again. He looked around and marveled at the view. He felt a sense of peace settle over him. "It's amazing out here".

Aaron was still feeling peevish about Robert winding him up about the dog. "It would have been amazing as well back in Emmerdale. You didn't need to drag us all this way for a walk".

Robert smiled at him. "Stop moaning, it could have been worse. If it wasn't for the surprise party that I know is being organised as we speak, that we will have to get back for, what around 5pm? I would have driven us the to North Yorkshire Moors instead as I mentioned early".

Aaron whined. "That miles away. What's the obsession for walking in the middle of nowhere".

Robert looked at Aaron, saw the curiosity in his eyes. Pondered whether to tell him why and he thought why not, he had told him more already than he had ever conceivable imaged he ever would have about his past. "From starting university when I was 21 and until I returned to Emmerdale when I was 28 I spent the majority of my time working non stop, so when I did get some precious time to myself I used to enjoy it. When I got the chance I used to try and book weekends away, lodge cabins, b and b's, hotels, just to get a change of scenery and some fresh air. I used to come back to Yorkshire on occasions, staying as far away from Emmerdale as I could of course. The Moors became a favourite. I just loved the wide open spaces, the emptiness and the quiet, it made a change from the manic world I normally lived in, helped me unwind".

Aaron was curious. "Did you do that with Jamie?".

"Mostly yes, but there were occasions when a group of our friends would join us too and we would catch up with what was happening in all our lives".

Aaron decided to delve deeper "What did Jamie do?".

"He was a chef. He was studying catering when we met in Durham".

"So he taught you to cook as well then?"

"The majority of my cooking skills were down to what I learnt at the French restaurant but he did teach me the odd thing. He was good at curry's and other Asian food".

Aaron grew serious. "Is that why you hardly ever cook us any curry's, because its to hard, brings back painfully memories?".

"No not really. I'm just not that mad about eating curry's all the time. I like them once in a while, but I prefer other foods more. Besides you like Indian takeaways every so often. Its much easier for us to order in".

Aaron switched subjects. "I've never been to the North Yorkshire Moors".

"I'll take you if you want"

Aaron thought about it carefully, now that he wasn't being awkward he was more receptive to their day out. "I think I might like it if you won't have a problem with it. It could be fun".

"Of course it won't be a problem. I wouldn't want to go back to the same hotel's I've stayed at before though. I would want us to stay somewhere that is new to the both of us".

Aaron felt a warm glow inside. Robert was weaving his magic once more, making him feel special again. He chastised himself for having been so stupid earlier on. Of course his husband adored him. He should stop winding himself up, ruining things for himself when there was no reason to".

"So can you tell me what is it about the North Yorkshire Moors that you love so much?".

"The main reason I ended up going to the North Yorkshire Moors was down to Jamie. He insisted that we went. He'd read Wuthering Heights when he was younger and wanted to visit the moors so he could get a feel of what it was like in the book when they ran through the heather, only he got his geography wrong".

Aaron laughed. "What do you mean run through the heather?".

"In the book Heathcliff and Cathy used to run through the heather when they were children, its where they fell in love up on the moors. Jamie thought it would be romantic to follow in the footsteps of the star crossed lovers".

Aaron could barely contain his laughter. "You are kidding me right. You seriously went along with it?".

Robert looked sheepish. "Jamie very wisely didn't let on why he wanted to go until we were on the Moors. If he had I would have thought he had taken leave of his senses and refused point blank to go. What make it even worse was the book wasn't even set in the North Yorkshire Moors. The Bronte's grew up in Haworth. The scenes regarding the Moors were said to have been at Top Withens close to their childhood home. I remember later looking it up on a map, its not far from Keighley, its about a 30 minutes drive away from where we live".

Aaron laughed. "Oh my God that is so priceless. What was it that made him obsess over a soppy love story anyway?".

Robert looked incredulously at Aaron. "What do you mean a soppy love story?".

"Well wasn't it the one where this bloke pined over a girl. I remember them droning on about it at school in English. Did my head in, I seem to remember that I bunked off".

Robert put his hand over his mouth a look of amusement in his eyes. "You've never paid the least bit attention did you, let alone read the book".

"Why would I want to read stuff like that, I guess you have though?".

"Jamie bought it for me one Christmas, insisted that I read it".

"I didn't know you read".

"If course I can read you idiot".

Aaron rolled his eyes at Robert. "I didn't mean it like that, I can't remember seeing you with a book".

"I've not really read much since I've been back. I used to read more when I wasn't in Emmerdale. I still read the odd book that I'll download on my phone occasionally".

"There was me thinking you were reading emails and texts".

"I am most of the time. I don't get much free time to read these days. There is always something to do".

"Did you enjoy reading then?"

Robert nodded. "I used to read in bed or when I was on holiday".

"Really!, knowing you I would have thought you'd rather do other things in bed than read!"

"Jamie used to work long hours as a chef. I'd go to bed and read until he got home, it used to help me unwind after working, then when we were on holiday all we wanted to do was chill. We used to spend hours in the sun reading".

"You've definitely changed".

"Well we have a different lifestyle. We are usually home together in the evenings, there's Liv to help with her course work and then there's Seb to look after. A Dog to walk. We don't get to much spare time in the evenings to ourselves and when we do you love to watch your films and box sets".

Robert paused before adding. "and of course when we are alone in bed there are certain things you like to do to me that would never in a million years involve me reading a book!".

Aaron smirked. "I've never heard you making any complaints".

Robert smiled back. "Why would I when I have my husband, who is as hot as Hades in our bed desperate for it".

Aaron laughed. "Yeh right. Since when do you do anything you don't want to. I think you are protesting to much, your just as desperate as I am mate".

Robert had the decency to look contrite, a sparkle in his eyes. "You've got me on that one. I never have been able to resist you. right from the start you had me".

Aaron blushed. He quickly changed the subject, he could see people that looked like small dots approaching in the distance. It wasn't a good idea to get Robert riled up when they could be seen before they had finished. They had had far to many embarrassing moments in the past when they had been caught out that had left him mortified. "So what was so special about this book then?".

"Sorry?"

"Wuthering Heights. I mean he wanted to visit the place he thought it was set".

"Jamie loved the story, he was a romantic at heart. Although I can't think of anything less romantic in my opinion than that book, it was pretty dark in places, all about love and obsession and the destructive damage it caused thoughout the generations. There was a song about it in the eighties by Kate Bush.

Robert started to sing. "Out on the wiley, windy moors we'd roll and fall in green, you had a temper like my jealousy, too...."

Robert was stopped in mid song, Aaron had silenced him with a kiss. The kiss was hard at first, then slowly it became more gentle, more affectionate. As the kiss continued, both reluctant to stop, Robert put his arms around Aaron and Aaron moved, slowly lowering his husband down so he was lying prone on the blanket. Aaron moved on top of his husband's body, pinning him down. The kiss once more increased in its intensity, Aaron becoming more demanding, leaving both of them breathless. They slowly pulled back, both of them breathing heavily. Aaron shifted slightly to relieve the pressure of his weight on Robert's chest. He continued to rain soft kisses on his husband's mouth. He eventually stopped, he could feel both their hearts pounding, Robert's eyes had darken with passion. There was a quizzical look in Robert's eyes, wondering what Aaron's next move would be, whether he would take things further. When Aaron seemed to pause, Robert looked up at him expectantly. "Do you want me to sing some more to get you started again, if I had know it would have this effect on you i would have done it sooner".

Aaron snorted. "I don't think so, it wasn't your singing that got me started, its not why I kissed you?"

"Then was it because you just couldn't help yourself, that you found me too irresistible?".

Aaron shook his head. "You would think that, you really are a smug git at times. I kissed you to shut you up. You can't sing. The poor dog looked like he wanted to put his paws over his ears. Your lucky I don't report you to the RSPCA. Anyway we have to stop".

Robert laughed. "You certainly know how to spoil the moment, why stop now though?".

Aaron pointed.

Robert sat up, he looked around him and spotted what Aaron had seen earlier, that they would soon have company. He shrugged his shoulders and reached into the bag and took out some more food. Offering a sandwich to Aaron before taking out one for himself. They ate in silence for a while.

Aaron spoke first. "So are you busy for the rest of the week?"

"Not to busy. I've got some reports to write, which I can do at home, why?".

"I just thought that we could spend a bit of time together if you are free, go to Leeds, have lunch, just chill. It would be nice just to hang out again".

"I'd like that. You know bearing in mind what we discussed earlier I think that it would be a good idea for us to get some dates in our diaries so we have some quality time together going forward, make sure that I don't get to caught up in work again".

"Yeh?"

"Yes. I meant what I said earlier, I'm sorry that I let work take over, that I neglected you. I didn't mean to make you feel the way I have".

Aaron nodded. He had a smile on his face. "So what's your work like going forward?"

"At the moment I don't have to many overnights scheduled. The next major project is closer to home".

"What are you doing?"

Robert chose his words carefully. He was still struggling to think how to tell Aaron about elements of his past life that he had yet to mention, whilst he had told him so much recently he still hadn't told him about his professional past, his mum's family or more importantly why he had changed his surname by deed poll back when he was 20, he had decided that he needed to come clean but he was scared how Aaron would react. He decided to test the waters. "I've got a job working for Whittaker Haulage. They have a new owner and he is keen to get them up to speed, a lot of their systems are out of date and he needs the framework to be put in place so he can expand the business, it sounds like he wants to move quickly. He wants me to help install new software that will bring them into the 21st century and devise new working systems that will make them more efficient".

Aaron pondered. "Whittaker Haulage. I've heard of them. I overheard Jimmy and Nicola talk about them in the pub when I was waiting for you one evening to get back from work. Jimmy said how Whittaker's had been taken over by one of those investment blokes, from what they said he has a pretty ruthless reputation, takes over company's and builds them up, money no object, usually destroys all the nearby competition in his wake. They are really worried that they won't be able to complete and he will send Home James under, that they will lose their livelihood. Apparently there was an article in the Hotten Courier going on about how brilliant he was. Fantastic business man and all that, listed all his successes and how it was a bright new start for Whittaker's. I bet in reality he's a right dick, he sounded like he was one of those entitled spoilt rich brats that thinks that all they have to do is flash their money about and they can buy whatever and whomever they want, the sort that doesn't think about the little people because he thinks they are beneath him and they don't matter".

Robert swore under his breathe, he hated it when Aaron judged people like this. "You don't know, he could be alright if you met him, just because he's rich it doesn't make him a bad person".

"Yeh, right, like somebody like him would give somebody like me the time of day. I bet he would think I was something to avoid treading in".

"I'm sure he wouldn't"

"Why are you defending somebody you don't know, or have you met him?".

Robert felt trapped, what the hell was he to say. Judging my Aaron's comments so far he wasn't that enamoured of Robbie Merrick. Richard's words came back to haunt him. "I've just been employed to do a job for him so I am not making any sweeping judgments. For all you know he could be a decent bloke as I said".

"Sounds like you like him already, but then he is your type".

Robert was stung. "What's do you mean by that".

"Rich, successful. No doubt moves in all the right social circles. If he's gay you've hit the jackpot".

Robert was stunned. "How can you say that?".

Aaron had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, its just people like him wind me up. They are the Lawrence Whites of this world. They just take what they want and don't care who gets hurts, they look down their noses at ordinary people as if they are nothing. Maybe it me but people like him make me feel inadequate, what if he likes you Robert, how could I compete against somebody like that if he decided he wanted you, he'd take you away from me, people like that don't take no for an answer?".

Robert reflected that this was turning into a nightmare scenario, how the hell was he going to sort this out. He knew that he wasn't going to run away with himself!. "I thought our discussion earlier on had cleared up all this negativity you have about yourself and me mixing with different people. I am your husband Aaron, I belong to you and nobody else. I don't care how much money this Robbie Merrick might have, you are it for me and there is not enough money in the world that would entice me away from you. If it puts your mind at rest I doubt for one minute that I am going to meet this Robbie Merrick, he has employed other people to run the company for him so I will be working with them not him". 

"Maybe, but I still don't like him and everything he represents".

Robert took a deep breath. "So just for fun, if I was to play devil's advocate, played make believe and say I was Robbie Merrick does it mean that you wouldn't like me anymore?".

Aaron laughed for a long time. "Yeh right. Don't get me wrong, I think you are amazing but your no business tycoon, you are far to normal for that, I know that you hobnobbed with the ok yah types when you ran Home Farm Estates but you are not one of them, its not your world, you couldn't be Robbie Merrick in a million years".

Robert smiled back, making himself laugh in return but inside he was hurting. He had trapped himself now in living a lie. In truth he had been living like this since he had met Chrissie, told her he was Robert Sugden but since the brain tumour scare something had changed inside of him. He wanted to be himself again, wanted to be upfront with Aaron. He had made a start by telling Aaron the truth about some of his past, the attack, university and Jamie but he was worried now that he could never come clean with Aaron, that he would react badly and he would lose him. "I was just winding you up. I'm happy with the world I have with you, Seb and Liv. That's all I need".

Aaron nodded.

Robert continued. "But after what you have just about how you think somebody could just take me away from you, you have got me worried again.. I thought that our discussion earlier had cleared things up but it was only the tip of the iceberg wasn't it, you weren't completely honest with me, you've been hiding your true feelings for a while now. Since I was diagnosed with the brain tumour you have been up and down emotionally. Then we had to deal with the failed surrogacy on top of that which you have refused to talk about. I hate seeing you like this Aaron. I keep telling you over and over again how much I love you but you don't seem to want or be able to believe that. Why can't you not just listened to me once and for all when I tell you that you are all I want and need". 

Aaron looked at Robert. He crumpled. The tears fell from his eyes and he began to sob. Robert reached over and held him, waiting patiently until he cried himself out. Aaron clung to him. As he cried he managed to utter how sorry he was. Robert rubbed Aaron's back, slowly managing to soothe him until Aaron got control of himself once more. 

Robert spoke softly in the voice he reserved for Aaron only. "It's ok, I've got you. You've safe, you've loved".

Aaron clung even tighter to his husband. Robert waited patiently until Aaron was ready to speak. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be the way I am. It was you getting a brain tumour that did it as you said. Ever since then I keep getting these nightmares that I am going to lose you. I know that I'm being stupid but I just can't stop myself. I'm scared all the time. When you go away and I wake up and you are not there, it takes me a moment to realise that you didn't die. It petrifies me until I realise that you are just away. I need you so much and it scares me. I keep imaging that you'll get bored of me and move on. All these people you work for now, they are more than I'll ever be, I can't compete and I think that it will make you realise that you have thrown your life away on me".

Aaron couldn't go on. He saw that Robert was crying to. "Oh god Aaron you kill me. Why couldn't you have told me this before. I could have helped you, we could have sorted this out before it got so bad, I've been so blind".

"None of this is your fault. I thought I had a handle on things. It really just the last few weeks when things have got tougher. Before then I dealing with it".

Robert cupped Aaron's face in his hands and looked directly into his tear filled eyes. "Ok. but I want you to do something for me, I want you to book yourself in to see your counsellor. We need to get this sorted asap. I'll still help you all I can, but I think you need more than my help to get you back on track".

Aaron nodded. "I am sorry. I don't want to be like this. You have been so ill I just didn't want to worry you just when you were getting better. I thought I could deal with it on my own".

"I know you have tried to protect me, but I don't want you to try and fix things on your own, you have me and I want to help you always, we are meant to be a team, to be there for each other. Between the counsellor and me we will help you to sort things out. That's if you will let us help?".

"I will, I promise".

Robert gently wiped the tears from Aaron's eyes. "There's a tissue in my pocket to wipe your nose on".

Aaron managed a half hearted laugh. "I was going to use my sleeve".

Robert rolled his eyes at Aaron. His husband ventured a brief smile then added. "This is turning out be a lousy birthday for you, I've ruined your day Robert".

"It's not ruined. I sure the party is going to be amazing. All your relatives descending on me I'll be in seventh heaven, what more could a man ask for".

Aaron still shaken after his breakdown struggled to speak. "Yeh right".

Robert tried to lighten the mood, tried to get Aaron back to calmer waters. "Honestly it going to be fun. I've got my what will happen checklist sorted out".

Aaron allowed himself to be diverted, he sniffed. "What checklist?".

Robert pointed to his head. "The one I keep up here. It a list of all the things that I expect will happen at a Dingle get together".

Aaron entered into the spirit of things, he could see that Robert was trying to help him get himself together again. Move back to safer ground. "Like what".

"Well where should I start. Your gran. At some stage she is going to sit next me and put her hand on my thigh. The only variance is how high it going to get. I am hoping that it doesn't get as far as it did once when she brushed my dick awhile back, that is definitely not on my to do list ever again".

Aaron managed to laugh. "God that was embarrassing. I nearly died of mortification when she kept making lewd comments afterwards".

Robert was intrigued. "I must have missed them".

"You didn't miss much. She kept asking me how I managed to sit down after having that up me. Kept looking to see if I winced whenever I sat down for a good while afterwards".

Robert laughed. "Oh my god, she's priceless".

"I'm glad you find her funny. So what's else in on your checklist?".

"Just the usual. How long I can put up with Lydia before she does my head in and how long you will let me suffer before you rescue me. What priceless nugget of wisdom Sam comes up with that defies all logic and leaves me totally speechless. How long it will take your mum to ask if I have been treating you well, you know 'how is our Aaron, is he ok' and then she will mention any shortcomings she spotted with my behaviour recently that I need to rectify, counting the number of times Paddy stammers when he is trying to have a conversation with me, guessing what snide remark Charity will come up with assuming she hasn't taken the hint that she is not welcome anywhere near me and actually turns up, whether Debbie will actually smile, the number of times Diane mentions my Dad when discussing anything about me..."

Aaron laughed. He was starting to feel a little better. "Whoa. I think I've got the gist"

Aaron continued with mock severity. "How do you put up with them all. I'm surprised you haven't run a mile".

"Because of you. I can put up with anything provided you are by my side"

Aaron gulped. "You think I'm really worth it?".

"One hundred percent".

Aaron pressed himself once more into Robert's arms. He felt drained but relieved at the same time. He should have know that if he had talked to Robert properly that he would make things better. He kicked himself mentally for not doing it before. 

Robert brought him back to earth. "As much as I would love to hold you in my arms all day I think we had better start making tracks. There's still a good hour's walk ahead of us and then the drive back. There will be hell to pay if I don't get us back in time for the party and we both know who your mum will blame"

Aaron laughed. "You of course. Then gran will make a crack about you making us late because you were having your wicked way with me 'he can't keep his hands off him, mucky beggar'".

"Sounds about right".

Robert placed his hand on Aaron's face. Gently caressing him. "Come on lets go".

Aaron reluctantly moved and helped to pack everything away. 

As they started to walk again Robert took hold of Aaron's hand. "Things will be ok, I promise". 

"I know"

"You know do you".

"I have you. That's all I need".

"You'll always have me. Your stuck with me for life, for better or worst, sickness and in health, till death do us part".

"You're become a right soft lad, you know that".

"That's your fault".

Aaron just smiled at Robert. "I'm sorry that I got so upset. It seems so daft now. The water works have been working overtime, I seem to always become a soggy mess when you get me to talk about stuff".

"It not a problem. I know how tough it is for you opening up, how it gets you. Nothing is ever taboo if its worrying you. You know that you can tell me anything, anytime".

Aaron squeezed Robert's hand. 

Robert steered the conversation back to more mundane matters. "So what do you think they will have organised for my party. Your turn to image the horrors awaiting us".

Aaron laughed. Robert looked closely at him. Trying to ascertain whether he was getting himself together again. He seemed to have brightened up a bit, maybe Aaron finally opening up as to what had been truly bothering had actually helped him. Robert resolved to keep a closer watch on his husband going forward. The only thing that he couldn't for the life of him work out was how he was going to confess to Aaron about his alter ego, Robbie Merrick. Robert reflected that when he messed up he did it with aplomb. But that could wait for another day. All he wanted was to get home, get thought the party and then finally have Aaron alone to himself. He wanted to show his husband just how much he was loved with all the tenderness he possessed, help to reassure him how much he was loved.

They finally reached the car and packed everything away. Freddie looked like he was on his last legs. He had ran for miles enjoying the freedom of the open spaces. Robert placed him carefully in the car putting his seat belt on as Aaron put their belongings in the boot. Robert was just about to get in the car to drive when Aaron came round and looked at him with his big blue eyes expectantly. Robert felt his heart melt. He twigged straight away what Aaron wanted and he handed him the car keys. Robert went round to the passenger side as Aaron got behind the wheel. 

Robert gave Aaron a stern look. "You know that I told you that I will love you forever. I might just revise that if you crash my car, so no boy racing".

Aaron just sat in the seat and laughed. He looked over at Robert, a big smile on his face. "Spoken like my real husband, glad to see you have got your priories back on track, mustn't damage your precious car".

Robert joined in with the banter "Your right, the car is sacrosanct, its my first love, now will you just start the car and get a move on, within the speed limits of course. We need to get home. I don't want your mum reading the riot act to me all night".

Aaron mocked Robert. "As you command husband"

"That's right I am your husband and don't you ever forget it Mr Aaron Sugden-Dingle". 

Aaron started the car and they drove off back home.

...........................................................................................................

Aaron and Robert laid in bed snuggled in each others arms. It was late. The party had gone on longer than either of them had wanted. They both blamed it on Faith and Chas. They had brought to much booze. There was no way any of the Dingles were going to depart when there was Ale still to be drunk. Aaron had watched and listened to see how many of Robert's checklist items had been fulfilled. He had watched secretly amused as he mentally ticked them off Robert's list, deciding that he needed to add some more. Robert had noticed him watching and smiled at him, sharing the joke. Now thankfully they were alone at last. 

"So how is it to be 34?".

"Not bad. After last year its a blessing".

"I sorry again about earlier on. I don't know what got into me".

"It's water under the bridge. Let it go".

"I'm still going to go to the Counsellor as I promised".

Robert leaned over and kissed the top of Aaron's head.

"I'm going to talk things through with her about me getting insecure again and about the surrogacy, its time to think about us expanding our family once more, but I need to get my head sorted first".

Robert tensed. "Are you sure?".

"Yeh. I think it time. I know that we both wanted more kids. If things have worked out we would have been parents again by now. I know that I have been the one holding us back".

Robert was elated. "That's brilliant new but only if you are sure".

"I am. Which one of should be the father".

"You of course".

"Yeh"

"I want us to have your biological child. A little girl would be nice with jet black hair and big blue eyes".

"She'll wrap you around her little finger".

"Just like her dad".

Aaron smiled. "I love you"

"I love you more".

"Nah".

Aaron lent over and kissed Robert, he took his time, soft and gentle with all the tenderness he could muster. He felt his husband return the kiss. He felt his heart begin to beat faster, felt the passion begin to well within him, that lurch in his stomach as he knew that he was going to make love to his husband and all the pleasure that it would entail. He kissed Robert again much harder as the desire overtook him. He felt Robert pull away. Aaron looked over quizzically at Robert, wondering what was wrong.

"Aaron, do you think we can slow it down tonight, just take our time?".

"If that's what you want, it is your birthday after all".

Robert looked over at the clock. "Not anymore, its past midnight".

"Its still as good as".

"I just want us to savour every moment".

"Ok birthday boy, your wish is my command, but you can always change your mind if you want to speed it up".

Robert smiled. "I'll let you know"

Aaron smiled back, he was sure by the time he was finished with him that Robert would be begging him to step it up, once he was inside him he would unravel, his passion would take over his senses, he pulled Robert into his arms and started to kiss him again. He determined that he was going to make sure that through his touch Robert would know his love was returned in full.


	14. Robert and Harry are reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is reunited with his nephew Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I though it was about time some of Robert's relatives were introduced, Emmerdale seems to have forgotten that he has family on his mother side. I also thought it would be a good idea to make one of his family members one of his best friends beside Aaron, somebody that would have Robert back and give him unconditional support.

Robert woke up. He checked the clock and saw that it was close to 5am. He wanted to go back to sleep but he knew that wasn't an option. He had to be up and away by 6am if he was to be on time. Aaron was snuggled up close to him, one of his legs was draped over both of his and his arm was around his waist, his body was pressed against Robert's side and his head was resting in the crook of his shoulder. Robert cursed. As much as he loved the feel of his husband's body close to him this wasn't the morning for it. Robert gently tried to extract himself from Aaron's embrace without waking him. He failed. Aaron opened his eyes. 

Aaron was slow to come to. He felt like he had hardly slept. "What time is it?"

"Its nearly 5am".

Aaron sighed and settled back to sleep, happy that it wasn't time to get up. He was just drifting off again when Robert tried once more to get out of bed.

"Hey, stop moving. We have another hour at least before we have to get up".

"You might, but I don't, I need to get up now. So can you move please. You're all over me like an octopus".

Aaron was far to comfy to move, he snuggled up even closer. "Its to early, go back to sleep".

Robert sighed in exasperation. "Look I need to get up now, I have a meeting I need to get to first thing, remember, its on the schedule".

Aaron groaned and reluctantly moved away. He felt bereft as he lost contact with his husband's warm body as he moved to a colder part of the bed. Robert got up and went into the bathroom. Aaron laid back listening as he heard the shower start. He mused to himself that Robert had an addiction to water. He had never met anybody who was so obsessed with being so clean all the time. It was one of the many quirks Robert had. The sound of water stopped and shortly after Robert came back into the bedroom, a towel wrapped round his waist. Aaron looked at his husband, saw random drops of water slowly making their way down his chest and felt the familiar lurch in his stomach. He felt his pulse begin to quicken as his desire began to mount. Robert noticed the change in his husband's demeanour, felt a flicker of regret that he wouldn't be able to take advantage of the desire he saw registered in his husband's eyes. Robert walked to the wardrobe and took out some clothes for the day. He startled as he felt strong arms wrapping themselves around his waist. Felt Aaron pull him against his chest, felt the soft kisses on his neck and then shoulders. For a brief moment he let himself savour the intimacy before he pulled away. Aaron was not having any of it, he turned Robert around and pressed him against the wardrobe. His lips fastening on his husband's as he kissed him deeply. Robert succumbed to the kiss, letting himself enjoy the moment before reality kicked in once more and he dragged his lips away.

Aaron looked at his husband. A mixture of emotions crossing his face. His eyes were still dark with passion but there was a look of disappointment now on this face. He was confused as to why Robert was pulling away. He never usually turned down any opportunity for sex. "What's up".

Robert could see that Aaron wasn't happy, that he needed to tread carefully. "Nothings up. I just have to get going. The meeting remember".

Aaron let the disappointment show in his voice. "So this meeting is so important that you don't have 5 minutes for your husband?".

"Normally I would be more than happy to oblige but as much as I want to I don't have the time. I can't be late".

Aaron snapped back. "God forbid".

Aaron went back to bed in a huff. He turned his back on Robert and feigned going back to sleep. Robert went over to him and sat on the side of the bed. Aaron turned around so his back was to him. Robert rolled his eyes in exasperation. Things had been going so well recently since they had had their heart to heart on his birthday that the last thing he wanted to do now was rock the boat. He gently put his hand on Aaron's shoulder. "Look I am sorry, I really am. I promise that when I come back I'll make it up to you".

Aaron wasn't in the mood to be placated "Yeah right".

Robert got up and left him. He slowly dressed and began to pack an overnight bag.

"What are you doing?".

Robert was startled, he had expected the silence treatment to continue, he turned round to look at Aaron. "What do you mean".

Aaron looked pointedly at the overnight bag. "That".

"I told you, remember, that the meeting could last all day and I would probably have to take them out to dinner. I'm just packing some extra clothes, just in case I need to stay the night".

Aaron looked mutinous. What a crap way to start the day. He remembered now what Robert had said but he wasn't happy about it. He was used to having Robert at home once more as he had kept his word and cutback on the trips away on business since their talk. "I thought that you were going to stop overnight stays".

"It not what I remember saying. If memory serves me right what I said was that I would be working closer to home in the coming weeks and I wouldn't need to go away as much as I had been doing. I don't recall saying I was never going to have to go away for the odd night full stop".

Aaron knew that Robert was right but he didn't want to be reasonable. Being woken up after a few hours sleep plus his advances being rejected had put him in a really grumpy mood. "You better pack up and go then".

"Hey, don't be like that".

Aaron sniffed. Robert tried once more to placate him. "Look there's no guarantee that I will need to stay the night. I'll call and let you know what's happening. I promise that when I get back we can have an evening to ourselves, I'll make it up to you".

Aaron ignored him.

Robert, seeing that he was not making any headway, decided to leave Aaron be. He took his bag and went downstairs to fix himself some coffee and toast. He hated leaving Aaron in the mood he was in but he had to go. He had promised Harry that he would be there for him, pick him up from prison and take him back to his new home. He felt torn. Harry had been instrumental in changing his life, being the catalyst that had helped him learn to live again back in his early twenties. He owed him more than he could ever repay but on the other hand he was worried that he was upsetting Aaron by leaving him on his own. Plus there was the deceit, it had begun to eat away at him. He had promised Aaron he would always be honest with him since they had got back together again. He knew that on one score he had failed spectacularly with concealing his other identity but this was now adding to it. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that this would come back to haunt him.

Aaron's voice cut through his self recriminations. "I'm sorry for being a dick".

Robert jumped. He had been lost in thought and hadn't heard Aaron come downstairs. "Its ok, I've got used to you being a grumpy git when you first wake up".

Aaron let the comment pass even though a part of him wanted to give Robert a sarcastic reply in return'. "Is there any coffee left?".

"Yes. Do you want me to put some toast in the toaster for you?".

"Why not. I might as well have breakfast. There's no way I'll get back to sleep now".

Aaron went and sat at the table and helped himself to Robert's toast. Robert looked at him and smiled and poured him some coffee. He put some more bread in the toaster and joined Aaron at the table when it was ready. They ate in silence for a while. Robert checked his watch to see how much longer he had before he needed to set off.

Aaron noticed. "Do you have to go soon?".

"I've got another 20 minutes before I need to set off".

"So what is this meeting all about?".

Robert felt his stomach contract. He had been hoping that Aaron wouldn't ask for specifics. He felt a wave of self loathing hit him as he knew he was going to lie. "Its to do with Whittaker's, they want me to meet a prospective client".

Aaron tensed. He had taken a dislike to Whittaker's. He hated Robert working for them. "I thought you were only there to get the systems in place, not get business for them as well"

"I have had previous contact with the client they want me to meet when I worked at Home Farm as Estate Manager. I had a good relationship with them so Whittaker's thought that it made sense for me to talk to them plus I know the haulage business".

Aaron wasn't impressed. "So is this going to be a regular thing, you working for them?".

Robert noticed the edge to Aaron's voice and tried to placate him. "No, not really. I might do the odd job now and again but its definitely not going to be a regular thing. I've got a lot of other work coming up so I won't have the time".

"Good. I don't want you working for them. I know that Nicola stabbed you in the back over your shares in Home James but they are starting to suffer because of Whittaker's, you know that they are struggling to keep the company afloat. I don't want you to help that company push them under. They are our neighbours and Jimmy did give you a job after Tate took your shares, you owe him something for that at least".

Robert winced inwardly. Aaron would be livid if he knew that he owed Whittaker's. He didn't even want to contemplate what the fall out would be. "Ok. Message received. But you do realise that in business its the survival of the fittest. From what I've heard Home James are messing up contracts and letting clients down. Whittaker's are a business so if Home James clients are unhappy and want to change hauliers there's no reason why they shouldn't take the business on offer, if they don't one of their competitors will".

"Maybe Jimmy is screwing things up at times but its hardly a level playing field is it. Whittaker's have the resources to undercut him at will. That arrogant dick that owns them can do what he likes and there's nothing that Jimmy can do to combat him. It just a game to people like him. He's a ruthless, cold blooded bastard that crushes everybody in his wake. You know he's worth millions, why does the greedy git need anymore, he can't spend what he has already".

Robert was well and truly exasperated. God knows why Aaron had become so fixated on Robbie Merrick. "What is it that makes you see red about Whittaker's and their owner. I don't get it, its irrational. You have never met the bloke and you have verbally hung, drawn and quartered him".

"Does it have to be rational?. I just don't like him and what he represents. I thought you would feel the same. Look how Joe Tate exhorted your shares of the haulage company from you. I know that you believe he was behind me being kidnapped and held to ransom. He just didn't accidental bump into you in the middle of the village and tell you he would lend you money. Then surprise, surprise the next minute you get a call demanding £100k. It was obvious he had set it all up as a means to get what he wanted".

Aaron added "He just decided he wanted the haulage company because he arrogantly thought he was entitled to it because of his family's beef with the Kings for taking over Tate Haulage all those years ago. The twisted brat didn't give a damn about us and the effect it would have on our livelihood. Then there was what he did to Liv, that sick twisted bastard hurt a child out of spite. All those airs and graces he put on but when it came down to it he was an imposter, he was a nobody pretending to be the great I am, swanning around like lord muck. This Merrick bloke is just the same".

Aaron noticed Robert was looking at this watch, he had worked himself up into a foul mood and snapped at Robert. "Am I boring you?".

Robert bit back his retort. He didn't have time to have a full scale row and he knew if he said anything then it would all kick off but he was getting fed up with Aaron's obsession with Whittaker's. He tried his best to keep his voice neutral. "No, you are not boring me, but I really do need to go. I'll call you this evening and we can continue this discussion later if you wish. But at this moment in time I have to make tracks, I hate being late its unprofessional".

Robert got up and went and stood behind Aaron. His put his hands around his shoulders and leant down and kissed him on the top of his head. "I'll call later to let you know whether I will be coming home or not".

Aaron grunted in response.

Robert squeezed Aaron's shoulders once more. "I love you"

"Yeah".

"Yes"

Aaron offered Robert an olive branch. "Even when I'm grumpy?

Robert smiled at his husband "Especially when your grumpy, your dead sexy when you scowl".

Aaron laughed. He got up and kissed his husband on the lips. He held Robert in his arms before reluctantly letting him go. "Drive carefully and let me know what's going on".

"I will. I'll be back before you know it".

Robert picked up his overnight bag and laptop and headed for the door, a part of him wanted to stay and talk to Aaron, really talk to him, bite the bullet and come clean about Robbie Merrick, but the other part of him was screaming at himself to keep quiet, that honesty could cost him more than he could bear, that Aaron would hate him when he knew the truth, that their marriage might be over for good. He felt conflicted and at a loss to as to what was the right course of action was. Maybe Harry could help, he was always somebody he could rely on to put him straight, even if at times his honesty could be brutal. Aaron followed him to the door. They hugged once more before Robert headed out of the door, he turned back to smile at his husband once more then left, when he turned and went to his car he had a heaviness in his heart, he had a deep foreboding that the beginning of the end was fast approaching, that things were going to spiral out of control so much that everything would crash and burn.

..................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert waited in the car. His eyes were fixed on the door waiting for it to be opened. He shuddered as he looked at the building in front of him. Durham Prison. It made him shiver with dread at the thought of being locked away inside that grim building, the thought of being incarcerated horrified him, it was one of his worst nightmares. It was bad enough having had to visit over the years but at least he had had the comfort of knowing that he could walk away. Whilst he watched his mind kept reliving his conversation with Aaron earlier. He was still no closer to working out what he should do.

The door thankfully opened at last and Harry walked out. Robert got out of the car and walked towards him. They eventually met up and stopped a moment to closely look at each other, both standing still before Harry moved and hugged Robert. Robert responded, both of them clinging to each other, Harry was the first to move back, he could see that Robert had tears in his eyes to match his own. Harry hugged Robert once more. He words were blurred by the emotion welling up inside him. "God it's good to see you laddie".

Robert's words were equally heavy with suppressed emotion. "Its good to see you to. Come on lets get out of here, get you home".

Harry turned round and stared at the prison. He glared at the building, the hatred burning in his eyes. "I wish that somebody could reduce that Hell hole to rubble. There were times that I thought my sentence would never end, that I would be locked away forever. If I hadn't had you helping me the way you did, I think I would have gone out of my mind". Harry shuddered.

Robert was distraught seeing the distress Harry was in. he placed his arm around Harry's shoulders trying to give him strength, convey to him that he had him now, that things were going to be alright. "Your free now, its time for you to start living again".

Harry looked at Robert, the despair ingrained in this face. "Any suggestions how, laddie because I'd welcome all the help I can get. That place...?".

Robert felt his heart breaking for Harry. "Just take one day at a time. That's all you can do and eventually as time passes things will change once more and become the new norm. I have no intention of patronising you by saying I know what you have been through but when my life has imploded I've just hung in there. Sometime life can surprise you, you don't know whats around the corner and that despite all the odds you can find happiness again when you least expect it".

Harry looked at Robert with a bemused expression on his face. "Dear God laddie have you been reading a book on clichés?".

Robert laughed. "No. Just saying what I do when life dumps on me. I can recite the manual on the art of surviving being a total screw up on the drive back to Leeds if you want, its called how to deal with being Robert".

Harry laughed back. "Aye. But you forgotten to add and make millions in the process in the title. For somebody who always thinks of himself as a total f**k up you managed to do alright for yourself, I could think of a lot of people who wouldn't mind being a quid behind you".

Robert gave Harry a rueful smile. "That's not what I meant. When it comes to business I know just how good I am, its being member of the human race that flummoxes me".

Harry gave Robert a careful look. He instinctively knew that there was something wrong but decided to leave it for a while. "You've not changed one bit. Arrogance and self doubt all in one. You know if you ever went to a shrink you would put them in therapy. It would blow their minds trying to work you out".

Harry shivered despite the warmth "Come on lets get away from this place, its giving me the creeps".

Robert and Harry walked back to the car. Harry turned round to take one last look at what had been his home for the last few years. "It's strange but I never knew what this place looked like. I was in a van with no windows when they brought me here. This is the first time I've seen the outside".

"Well you never need to see it again. Come on get in the car. Is not just you that this place is giving the creeps to".

Harry managed to wrap his frame inside the car. "You know this car is no practical for giraffes. I thought with a bairn and you living in that godforsaken village you would have least have had a nice comfy four by four".

Robert pretended to be affronted. "Do not diss my car. Are you going to be whining all the way back about it".

"No. I'm going to go to sleep. I barely got any at all last night and I just want to close my eyes. Oh and just to let you know I don't want to be serenaded with any of your crap music".

"Charming. Would sir like to belt up so we can be on our way?".

Harry didn't dignify that last comment with a reply. He pulled the seat belt across him and fastened it. He settled himself until he felt comfortable and closed his eyes. For the first time in years he finally felt safe again. 

..................................................................................................................................

Robert parked in the underground car park in one of his allotted spaces. He gently nudged Harry awake. He was careful not to startle him. Harry slowly came to. It took him a moment to realise where he was. He looked at Robert. "We here already?".

"We are sleeping beauty. You ready to see your new home?".

Harry was silent for a while, he felt a tightness in the pit of his stomach, his nerves getting the better of him. He swallowed nervously and got out of the car. Robert joined him and went to the boot to retrieve their bags. Harry looked at his, one small bag containing everything he possessed. His ex-wife had long since dumped everything he had once owned. 32 years old and virtually nothing to show for it.

They made their way to the reception area. Robert was greeted by the concierge as they made their way to the lifts "Good morning Mr Merrick".

"Good morning to you to John. Can I introduce you to my nephew, Harry Morgan, he will be staying here for the foreseeable future".

Robert could see John trying to work out how it was possible for his nephew to be of a similar age to him. He decided to put him out of his misery. "I have a much older sister".

"Of course sir".

Robert and Harry left him and made their way to the lifts. The doors opened and Robert stepped in. Harry hesitated before forcing himself to step inside. The confined space making him nervous. Robert reached over and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. As soon as the life arrived at the entrance to the flat Harry darted out. He was confronted by a massive door. Robert followed him out and opened the door with a key card. He moved aside to let Harry in first and followed behind him.

Harry was stunned. The flat was massive. Jamie had mentioned that Robert had agreed to buy them a flat in Leeds in a new complex that was being built but his description had not done the place justice. He looked around and noticed that the flat was spread over two floors, windows comprising one of the walls. The colour system was not what he had expected. Greys, whites and some greens and burgundy thrown in to add a bit of colour to the starkness, definitely not Robert's normal colours. Marble everywhere and modern metal furniture. The kitchen looked incredible. It was the only thing that he thought Robert would actually approve of.

Robert watched as Harry acclimatised himself to his new home. "What do you think?".

Harry looked at Robert. "Its not a place I can picture you being comfortable in, its to modern and stark, although to be fair it does have the neat freak vibe about it so that must tick one of your boxes".

Robert looked around, taking in what Harry had just looked at. "This is all down to Jamie. I let him loose with the interior designer, I was up to my neck in a merger and left him to his own devices".

"I bet you wished you hadn't now. Did you give him hell when you so saw what he had done?".

Robert looked sad. "He died a week before the flat was ready to live in. I never got to tell him that his taste in decor was bloody awful".

Harry was subdued by the answer. "It was so senseless, him dying the way he did. I still can't understand what possessed him to take drugs. He had everything anyone could have wished for, why the hell did he have to ruin it all".

"It was the football injury that lead to everything going wrong, he couldn't live with pain, then there was that so called friend of his that introduced him to the drug, God I hate that bastard".

"Maybe he was influenced by somebody else to take the drugs in the first place but it didn't mean he had to say yes. I loved the bones of that laddie but I could have strangled him for what he put you through, the pain he caused you over and over again".

Robert struggled to maintain his composure. The tears threatened to come. He managed to get himself under control. "The past is the past. We can't change it however much we want to. Where ever the blame should lay Jamie's dead and he's never coming back..."

Robert lost his fight to stay in control, the sobs tore from him. Harry went quickly over to him and hugged him tight. Tears welling in his own eyes. Once Robert had got himself under some semblance of control, Harry led him over to a sofa by the window overlooking the garden below. Harry looked at Robert's tear ravaged face. "You know as much as I loved Jamie there is a part of me that really hates him for what he did".

"I can understand how you feel but it won't get you anywhere, hating him won't change anything. You need to let the anger go, the only person you'll hurt harbouring bitterness inside you will be yourself. I've been there and all it ever did was cause me more pain. The truth was he wasn't strong enough to help himself. It was to hard for him to fight the addiction".

"Well he should have fought. I'm sorry but I don't think I can ever truly forgive him deep down, I'm not like you Robbie, I don't have your endless capacity to forgive the people you love when they hurt you".

"I'm not that forgiving".

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Your forgetting that I know you laddie. I just have to look at the watch your wearing to know how soft you can be with people you love, even when they smash you heart to smithereens, If I'm not mistaken that's your dad's watch isn't it?".

Harry got up without waiting for an answer and walked over to the kitchen. "Are you going to come and join me, show me how to get a coffee around here. The host is doing a crap job of being hospitable. I'm about to die of dehydration".

Robert managed to rouse himself and got up and joined Harry in the kitchen. He made them both coffee, it helped to be doing something. "I suppose you want me to fix you something to eat as well".

"Well now you mention it I wouldn't say no".

"Any preferences?".

"Are you cooking tonight?".

"Probably, unless Marcie wants to volunteer".

Harry shuddered, if memory served him right Marcie's cooking left a lot to be desired, he'd have to make sure that Robert was tonight's chef. He had had enough of terrible food courtesy of prison to last a lifetime. "Then I'll have a sandwich now, can you do a toasted one?

Robert affirmed that he could and set about preparing them something to eat. It was like being at home with Aaron, he seemed to spend his life being everybody's personal chef. 

They sat at the table, eating in silence for a while, both wrapped up in their thoughts about Jamie. Harry went back to his remark earlier about the watch. "Robbie, why are you wearing that watch, how can you after everything that man did to you".

"Wow, is this your idea of small talk these days, because if it is you need to re-hone your social skills, its pretty brutal going for the jugular like that".

Harry smiled. "Since when has treading lightly every worked with you. Any opportunity you get you'll wriggle out of answering anything that is no specific".

Robert laughed. "You never did let me wriggle out of anything. I remember back when we were at university you never let up until you had got the answers you wanted".

Harry was lost in recollection for a while. "Aye, they were good days, the five of us. Life seemed so much simpler back then. All our lives ahead of us, all our hopes and dreams intact".

Robert was reflective for moment. "It seems so long ago now, we were all so young and broke from what I remember. Can you remember when we had to pool money together just to buy a few bags of chips".

Harry smiled. "Aye. Good days thought. Then we all had to grow up".

"It wasn't that bad being adults, things were good for a while. We all did well in our careers. Pete got a job in an investment bank like I did, then we joined forces and created our own companies and you know how they're turned out, Gary is now a top criminal barrister making a name for himself and you had your army career, if things had turned out differently I could have seen you as a general".

Harry laughed. "I think you were being optimistic there about me being top brass. You didn't mention Jamie, he never really flew that high on his own did he? He was a good chef, but he was never brilliant, he never had your magic. He only had the club because you bought it for him, you were the one that made it what it was and is today. He was never truly your equal".

"It didn't matter, he was brilliant at other things. things that I was hopeless at. He was always the more sociable of the two of us, people loved him, he had that warmth about him. He helped to keep me grounded, got me to live as well as work. You know what I was like when you first met me, I was dead inside. The pair of you helped breathe the life back into me, taught me to trust again, to laugh, to enjoy living and not be afraid of my own shadow, that not everybody I met was going to hurt me". 

Robert paused for a moment. Reliving the past was taking it toll on all his reserves of strength. He quietly added. "If it hadn't been for your bloody mindedness in deciding for whatever perverse reasons you had that you wanted to get to know me I know I would never have made it, I owe you everything".

Harry shook his head. "No, that's not true. You might have gone through hell and back but there you were, still fighting, trying to make a future for yourself. I can't think of many people who would have had a fraction of your courage, to have lived through what you had and still been standing".

Robert was struggling again. Emotions that he buried were rising to the surface once more. "Just shut-up".

"Why, because I am pointing out some home truths. Why do you find it so hard to deal with people when they say good things about you. Why can you no take credit where credit's due, take the compliment. Your father really did a number on you. He made you think that you were worthless, rotten to the core. When are you going to banish his voice from your head once and for all, stop letting him hurt you from the grave. You're wearing that watch to punish yourself aren't you".

"That's not true. I wear the watch because its the only thing I have left of him. He did love me deep down, Gran told me he did. He spoke to her just before he died, said that he regretted what happened between us, how he wished that he could talk to me one last time, try and put things right. The watch helps me remember that when all the bad memories come back to haunt me".

Robert added. "He wasn't completely wrong about me though. He saw the darkness that's inside me, the part of me that is bad. After Jamie died I did some pretty awful things, I was every bit as rotten as my father believed me to be. I was so cruel. I hurt people, so many people, you would have hated what I had become. I'm so ashamed of how I behaved now, I wish I could go back in time and change things".

"The past is the past as your fond of saying. But you had the self awareness to see that you were in the wrong. You managed to pull yourself back from the abyss, to go back to being the man you were before Jamie died".

"So that's ok then, the havoc I invoked before I got myself sorted out again doesn't matter?".

"From what I heard some of the people that you hurt had it coming".

"What!".

"The Whites for example. Lawrence White was a nasty piece of work. He went through life trampling on everybody that dared to stand in his way. Over the years he hurt so many people, far more than you ever have. He brought his family up in the same way, entitled, arrogant and thinking they were above the law. Look how his grandson turned out, evil personified and don't forget he treated you like dirt from day one".

Robert was perplexed. "Where's all this coming from?".

"You think that because I was inside that I didn't know what was going on. You weren't the only one that visited me in prison. Pete and Gary came to. They used to be worried sick about you, used to ask my advice on how to take care of you, how to combat your hell-bent mission to self destruct. I know a hell of a lot about your second time in Emmerdale".

Robert was aghast. "What!. Everything?".

"Aye, I know about the affair you had with that Dingle lad when you were with Chrissie White, Katie's demise, that adopted brother of yours conspiring to have you shot, your scam to teach the Whites a lesson...",

Robert was chilled to the bone, horrified that Harry had been told the worst of him. "NO".

Robert couldn't look at Harry. He covered his face in his hands, the shame washing over him in waves. Harry gently pulled Robert's hands away. Robert refused to met his eyes, he couldn't bear to see the disappointment in them. Robert felt the self hatred bubbling up inside him. The words were wrenched from him. "How can you bear to look at me, knowing how low I've sunk, the terrible things I've done".

"You think I have any right to judge you after what I did. I beat that man to a pulp. I knew what I was doing, knew the pain that each blow would cause him and I enjoyed it, I enjoyed seeing him in agony, seeing him terrified that I was going to kill him. I wanted him to suffer. Its a miracle that I wasn't locked up for longer. I only got away with the sentence I did because that barrister you employed for me turned out to be a bloody genius, a miracle worker. I even believed the story he spun myself when I knew that every word was a lie, I wasn't suffering from PTSD, there weren't any mitigating factors, I was fully in control of my own actions that day".

"That's not true. There were reasons for the way you reacted. That wife of yours has to take some of blame. The way she behaved was unforgivable. Your son had barely been in the ground when she got knocked up by somebody else when you away on overseas deployment. What do you think another bloke would have done, coming home and catching his wife in bed with somebody else, seeing that she was pregnant, knowing that the baby wasn't his". 

"That's not the point. When you receive the training I did you have a responsibility not to use it unless you are in combat situations. It was unacceptable for me to have used my skills the way I did in those circumstances in Civvy Street".

Robert was silenced. Harry looked at him closely. Trying to judge what he was thinking. "Do you hate me for what I did, do you think I was evil for putting that man in hospital for months?".

"No, of cause I don't. I've seen the other side to you, seen the good, seen the kindness and compassion. You are a good man that did a bad thing". 

"So why do you think that I should hate you for the things you wished you hadn't done, can't I see the good in you to in return?".

Robert hung his head. Harry spoke again. "For what's its worth I think what happened to Katie was a terrible accident".

"Don't. Don't make excuses for me. It was my fault she died. I should have been locked up for what I did".

"Gary told me what happened. He looked at the coroner's report. Accidental death".

"That's only because the police didn't know I had been there. I pushed her and she fell through the floor. I killed her".

"Well speaking as a professionally trained killer I would have to say that if I was planning on killing somebody I would certainly not have used pushing them into a room as a method".

"WHAT!".

"Well lets look at the facts. The surveyors report didn't indicate that the floorboards weren't safe so you had no knowledge that they were rotten. So when you pushed her and she fell backwards you would not have known that the floor boards would give way. Then there was no certainty that when she fell the fall would kill her. It was a tragic accident, nothing more"

Robert was flabbergasted. "How can you say that".

"Because I believe it is true".

"Your wrong. I was sick of her, wanted her to just shut up and leave me alone, all she did since I came back to the village was try and cause trouble for Chrissie and me at every opportunity. I was so angry with her that morning, I pushed her really hard".

"Maybe you did feel all those things but its not the same as wanting her dead".

"I ruined Andy's life. He was broken without her, he was going to kill himself at one stage".

"This is the same Andy that conspired to have you murdered. It wasn't the first time he tried to kill you either was it. He was going to shoot you when you were a lad but shot your dad by mistake instead. Then there was all the trouble he caused between you and your dad, he helped create a wedge between you that led to your dad choosing him and discarding you like unwanted trash, yet when the White's tried to frame him for attempted murder you helped him, set him up nicely in France, do you think for one moment he would ever have done the same for you, he would have let you rot in prison for something you didn't do".

"I owed him".

"You owed him! What about what he owed you. He helped ruin your life back when you were a kid. He burnt your adopted mother to death, if she hadn't died your life would have been so much better, Sarah would never have let your dad treat you the way he did, she would have protected you and loved you".

Robert felt shell shocked, he hadn't expected to have this kind of talk with Harry. He felt weary to his bones. "Where's this all leading to, is there a the point to this conversation?".

"You keep telling me that I need to put the past behind me, I want you to do the same. Pete, Gary and I want you to forgive yourself the way you forgive everybody else that you love that hurt you whether they deserve it or not. We all care about you and we have all seen that you are still not alright. There's still so much pain in you. Now I know that Richard spoke to you about Jamie, finally had the decency to apologise for the way he treated you, but I'm not sure if you really listened to him. Well enough is enough. Its time for you to move on. Stop hurting yourself"

Harry took a deep breath and continued. "I don't approve of your marriage but Tommy has said that you are happy again so I'll keep my peace but I don't want you to ruin things by self sabotaging because you don't believe you deserve to be loved. Tommy mentioned in his last visit that he was worried about you, that he thought that everything wasn't perfect in paradise"

"He never said anything to me".

"He know you to well to interfere".

"You don't then?".

"When have I ever left you to your own devices. Now I'm here I have your back again. So are you going to tell me what is it that's bothering you and don't be saying nothing because I picked up on the vibes straight away when you came to pick me up?".

Robert was struggling to deal with Harry's onslaught. He never had been able to deflect him, Harry had always managed to prise every last secret out of him. it was a trait he shared with his Gran, the only other person who refused to let him of the hook, let him pretend that everything was alright when deep down if was far from being ok. "Its the past, its coming back to haunt me. I have never got round to telling Aaron that I changed my name to Robbie Merrick, he only knows me as Robert Sugden and now I have boxed myself into a corner. He's being reading about Robbie Merrick in the paper regarding Whittaker's plus the Kings have being struggling with Home James and he's taken an instance dislike to him".

Harry looked at Robert. He could only think of one word to sum up what he was thinking. "Shit".

"Very insightful but I guess it sums up the mess I have made of everything succinctly".

"Why the hell haven't you told him, your told me you love and trust him so what's been the issue. If I were him I'd hit the roof. You know based on what you have told me about Aaron he's not going to take it very well, is he?".

"Wow your summation of my dilemma just gets better. You should go on Mastermind. Specialised subject stating the bloody obvious".

Harry laughed.

"Its not funny! If I tell him the truth I could lose him. I couldn't bear it if I did. I barely survived losing Jamie, I know I wouldn't survive losing Aaron as well".

Harry was brought back to reality with a bump, he was thoughtful for a moment, he hated seeing the distress Robert was in. "I think that there is a way out of the predicament that you have got yourself into but you are not going to like it. If you told Aaron the full truth about why you became Robbie Merrick I think that it would give you a fighting chance in getting him to hear you out at least. Then you have to explain about the trauma of being in Emmerdale again, what the memories of the past made you feel. It if hadn't been for that evil old git Lawrence White buying Home Farm out of spite when he saw how much you hated being in that village again you would never have gone back. Chrissie White wasn't much better, ridding roughshod over your feelings, if she had truly loved you she would have seen how much it upset you being in Emmerdale and never forced you to move there with her".

Robert suddenly felt weary, the last of his reserves fading away. "I could have said no, walked away".

"But you didn't, so you went through hell and relived the past, all the pain of your childhood coming back to haunt you. Then there was that so called brother of yours trying to play the big man, trying to force you to leave just like your father did, who the hell was he to tell you what to do, some two bit nobody".

"That's all in the past now, I went back end off. 

Robert paused a moment, letting the memories of those early days when he returned to Emmerdale wash over him. The disappointment he had felt at realising he was still regarded as the village pariah, still Jack Sugden's ugly little duckling. "Telling Aaron everything isn't an option".

"Then are you prepared to risk losing him because when he finds out the truth about you being Robbie Merrick the chances are you will lose him, he will hate you for lying to him for all these years".

"Its not that easy, telling him, not telling him. I have got as far as telling him about how I was attacked but that's it. The rest would be to painful for him to deal with, I just can't bring myself to hurt him".

"So let me get this right, it was ok for him to tell you about his father raping him when he was a child and you being there for him, listening to him as he told you every last detail, you supporting him in every way possible, even going to the trial and having to listen as he described being raped but its not ok for him to do the same for you. You can't tell him that you were raped by those men who attacked you, that you had to testify, detailing every last gruesome thing they did to you, having to look those monsters in the eyes as you relived every moment, that your father didn't give a damn about what had happened to you and you were all alone, living with the pain, trapped in that hospital bed for months because of the damage they had done to your body?"

"Christ Harry, do you have to be so brutal?"

"Sometimes, it the only way of dealing with you. Cruel to be kind".

"Its not just Aaron it would hurt if he knew the full truth of what had happened. It would hurt me to, seeing sympathy and pity in his eyes. He would see me in a different way, start treating me differently. I promised myself that I would never let those men make me a victim, ruin my life and if I told Aaron that would be how he would see me. I couldn't bear it".

"Do you treat him differently because you know about his past?".

"Yes and No. I try to take care of him, there's a fragility about him because of his past. I'm always trying to watch his moods so I can assess if anything is bothering him so I can help. He's has suffered so much Harry, I just want to make things better for him in the present and future".

"So what about him making you feel better?".

"He does. I know that you aren't a fan but he really does make me happy and feel loved again like I was when I was with Jamie. I know that you were worried about me being with him because of his past but he is not that person anymore, he would never hurt me. He has a heart of gold. He's brilliant with Seb, my little boy couldn't wish for a better dad. I really wish you would agree to meet him, I think that you could become friends, you'd like each other".

"The jury's out on that one".

"Will you please just think about it, for me?".

"Maybe, but not just yet. I need to sort myself out first. I think its going to take me a while to adjust to being free. I'm 32 years old and I feel like my whole life if back to square one, that bag over there is all I have to show for all the years I have been on this planet, its pitiful to say the least".

"You'll get there. I know you will. I'm not going to patronise you and say its going to be easy, but things will settle down. You have a home here for as long as you want, if you want to move one day I'll buy you a place, anything you want. I have already set up a trust fund for you so money is never going to be an issue, there's a job waiting for you at Whittaker's if you feel the need to work and as for that bag, that's not the future, that the past and good riddance to it".

"You make it sound so simple".

"It can be if you want it to be"

Harry was pensive. Robert looked at him, could see the exhaustion showing on his face. "Look why don't you go and have a lay down, you looked shattered".

"We haven't solved your problem yet, about what to say to Aaron about Robbie Merrick".

"It will keep. I been pondering about it for months and I still can't work it out and a few more hours isn't going to make a difference. Come on I'll show you to your bedroom".

Robert led the way. Harry marvelled once more at the flat. The space was blowing his mind. Robert opened a door and Harry stepped inside his bedroom. It seemed enormous after his tiny cell. Robert opened the door showing him where the en suite was. Harry sat on the bed, the day had finally got to him, tiredness engulfing his whole body. Freedom was proving harder than he thought it would be. Robert came and sat beside him, putting his arm around his shoulders and pulling him close so their heads rested together. "Why don't you have a nap".

"Will you be here when I wake?".

"Yes. I've told Aaron that I would probably have to stay overnight, while you are asleep I call him and tell him not to expect me home until tomorrow".

Robert paused for a moment, feeling bad about the lies he was going to tell Aaron, hating himself that little bit more. "Look there's clothes in the wardrobes and draws for you. Tommy said you were about the same size as me so I've kitted you out with enough stuff until you feel like shopping for yourself. If there's nothing that you like you can always see if I have something more to your tastes. There racks of clothes in the dressing room in my bedroom, I had everything brought back from storage when the tenants moved out and I knew Tommy and Marcie were coming to Yorkshire".

Harry laid down on the bed, his exhaustion finally getting to him. The softness alien to what he was used to. He closed his eyes and slept. Robert waited until he was asleep and then quietly left the bedroom and went back downstairs to make his call to Aaron.

After the call with Aaron that had gone better than he hoped Robert checked his watch and saw that it was nearly 6pm. It wouldn't be long now until his brother Tommy came home, he had no idea where Marcie was, he surmised that she probably had meet up with some of her ladies that she lunched with now, the upper circles of society that she had reached thanks to his largesse, even though he liked her he had to admit to himself that she was a snob, being Robbie Merrick's sister-in-law gave her the kudos she lapped up with relish and certainly made the most of. 

He went to the kitchen to see what ingredients were available and decided that he had what he needed to cook an evening meal. He decided on something simple, Cottage Pie, he wasn't sure if Harry was up for anything to rich after years of prison food, he remembered Aaron and Liv telling him how terrible it was. His thoughts were in disarray. Less than a day and Harry had shattered all his carefully constructed defences. He settled into preparing the meal. Trying to find some peace in doing the mundane.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert, Harry, Tommy and Marcie were all sat around the table eating dinner. The atmosphere was relaxed. The sleep had done Harry good. His new clothes fitted perfectly. Apart from the pallor it was difficult to have imaged that he had been in prison up to a few hours ago. Robert was smiling. He enjoyed having his mother's family around him, unlike his dad's family they had always treated him well, the ugly duckling had been allowed to be the swan he was in their eyes. They had been kind and supportive from the moment they had reconnected back in his early twenties. He remembered the shock he had felt when he had found out that Harry was related to him. It had seemed incomprehensible at the time, one of those moments when reality had been stranger than fiction.

It was Jamie that had led to the discovery. Harry had only know him as Robbie Merrick, it was only when Jamie had come on the scene and had identified him as Robert Sugden that things had come to light. Harry finding out that Robert came from Emmerdale had mentioned his new friend to his mother and the truth had come out. Robert was her much younger half brother, Jack Sugden's son. At the mention of Jack Sugden Harry had realised why he had never been spoken off. There had been bad blood between his granddad Tom and Jack Sugden and then his own mother had left Emmerdale after one scandal to many much to the disapproval of Annie Sugden who have told her in no certain terms how disappointed her mother would have been with her if she was still alive. Sandie had had enough and decided to leave and go and live with her dad in Aberdeen. 

Harry had insisted that he bring Robert up to met them during the Christmas and New Year break, said that he had nowhere else to stay and it wasn't right for him to be alone, he was family. His mum had had misgivings at first but Harry in his usual forthright way had dealt with everyone of them. It had been a traumatic first meeting for all of them. 

Robert and Harry had looked like brothers standing side by side that it had left the Merrick's speechless. The thing that finally broke the ice was when Harry had causally told them that Robert had been disowned by his dad. Since his mother had no time for Jack Sugden that sealed it. If Jack Sugden didn't want to know his son then that meant in her book somewhat perversely that he had to be ok. Over the weeks things had settled down as they got to know each other, it helped that Tommy had taken a liking to Robert so by the time they had to leave to go back to university Robert had become part of his mother's family. 

They all made small talk for most of the meal. Tommy and Marcie treading careful around Harry, trying not to put their feet in it. When dessert came Tommy decided to risk asking Harry when he planned to come to Whittaker's. He and Robert had decided that Harry needed a purpose, something to focus on and they had both agreed that he should work for the haulage company, whether he wanted to was another matter, Harry could be bloody minded if he chose to be just like his uncle Robbie. 

Tommy broached the subject. "I was talking to Robbie and he is ok with you working at Whittaker's if you have a mind to. So I was wondering if you feel like joining me on Monday, have a look round".

Harry turned to Robert. "You know that I haven't the first clue about the haulage business".

Robert replied. "Your a bright lad, you'll pick everything up fast".

Harry wasn't convinced. "I'm not sure I believe that and what makes you think Tommy wants me there?".

Robert responded to Harry's doubts. "Look I gave Tommy the choice about hiring you and he's fine with it. I made assurances to Tommy that I wouldn't interfere with day to day stuff. You need to get some structure to your life again. If you need time off then that's fine, its perfectly understandable but if you are anything like me you will need to keep yourself occupied and the job at Whittaker's will do that".

Harry could see from the looks on both Tommy and Roberts faces that he really wasn't being given an option. "Ok you both win. I'll go with Tommy on Monday, but I'm not promising anything mind".

Marcie interjected. "Well that's sorted, now can we stop talking business".

Robert smirked, as much as he liked Marcie she wasn't one be left out of a conversation for long and always liked to change the subject to one that she preferred. "I have to say Harry that the clothes fit you well, I have to hand it to you Robbie you have been most generous, they do look rather expensive, most in keeping with his new residence".

Tommy and Harry tried not to smirk. They both knew Marcie so well. "I was just saying to your sister, Sandie how kind you had been to Tommy and me. She was in awe of the flat, said you have really pushed the boat out for us giving us such a magnificent place to live".

Robert groaned inwardly, he daren't look at the other two. "Well the flat was vacate after the old tenants left so it seemed the convenient thing to do letting you live here. I dare say that when you have settled in Yorkshire you might want to live some where else".

Robert took a surreptitious look in Harry and Tommy's direction. Saw the laughter in their eyes. 

Marcie refused to bite. "Well I will image that it will take some time for us to get our bearings. In the meantime I shall definitely need to update my wardrobe, this place is far to grand for my normal clothes, I shall look quite shabby standing next to Harry".

Robert latching on immediately to Marcie's scheming decided to have some fun. "There are some lovely boutique's in Leeds".

Marcie ploughed on. "There is also a very nice one in this flat complex. Apparently you need an account though with your flat number on to get the residents discounts".

Robert mused that Marcie was as subtle as a brick. He could see both Tommy and Harry trying not to laugh. "Would you like me to arrange for you to use my account".

Marcie beamed. "That would be so kind of you, you really are wonderful Robbie. We are so lucky to have you in the family".

Robert was nearly choking with the effort to try and stifle his laughter. He pretended that he was having a coughing fit. "Well that's kind of you to say so".

Marcie now she had got what she wanted was all sweetness and light. "How about I clear the dishes away and go and make us all some coffee, wash down that splendid meal".

As soon as she was out of sight Harry and Tommy started laughing. Tommy was the one to put what had just happened into words. "You know that you just got sucker punched there. You'll end up footing the bill for a whole new wardrobe".

Robert smiled at Tommy. "Oh, and there was me thinking that you were going to reimburse me for whatever Marcie spent".

Tommy looked taken about. He turned white with horror at the amount of money his wife would more than likely spend in that fancy shop. He was just about to reply when Robert couldn't help himself anymore and started laughing.

Tommy was slightly miffed. "I'm glad you find it funny. You won't laugh when you see what she spends".

Robert just shrugged his shoulders. "Its only money, I'm sure I can afford a few new clothes".

Harry added. "Its always funny how people who have money to burn say its nothing"

Robert changed the subject. "Whilst we are all here does anybody know what I have done to upset Sandie. I got this cryptic text the other day, it was really weird about how I shouldn't have favourites and how she had taken care of me when I was a baby so didn't that count for something in the scheme of things".

Tommy looked shifty. "Well maybe she thinks that you have pushed the boat out for me recently, you know the job and this place. Maybe Sandie is feeling a bit left out".

Harry laughed. "and of course I bet Marcie's hasn't been slow in rubbing Ma's nose in it, I bet she's been posting lots of pictures on Face book and bragging about Tommy being MD of Whittaker's"

Tommy looked embarrassed. Robert and Harry both laughed at him. 

Robert mused. "I guess I'll have to avoid going to Scotland and visiting Sandie for a while then unless I redress the balance asap".

Marcie came back with the coffees, catching the last of the conversation. "Or there is no need to go to Scotland to see Sandie, Sandie is coming here for a visit"

Robert and Harry blanched. Sandie is full flight could be formidable to say the least. Robert realised it was going to cost him big time to appease his big sister.

After a while Tommy and Marcie said goodnight and went to bed leaving Harry and Robert alone once more.

Robert looked at Harry. "So how was your first day back then?".

"Weird. It doesn't seem real, last night I was locked in a prison cell, now I am here in the lap of luxury. Its like there are two different universes and I'm not sure which one is the true reality".

"Give yourself time. You know there is no rush for you to start work and if you don't like Whittaker's that's ok. I don't want you to do something just to please me. Your happiness comes first, always".

"Your alright laddie, I'm sure Whittaker's will be fine. Is there any whisky in this place?

"I'm sure there is, you fancy a dram then?",

"Aye, just the one. You going to join me, I noticed you hardly drank any wine with your dinner, you on the wagon?".

"I don't drink that much anymore, the medication I had after the operation made it a no go area so I got out of the habit, but I will share one with you if you want, then I need to get to bed. I also need to call Aaron to say goodnight".

Robert and Harry drank in companionable silence looking out of the window and the distant lights of Leeds. Robert went to make a move to go to bed but Harry words stopped him in his tracks. "I do appreciate what you are doing for me".

"You're welcome. Are you coming to bed to, its getting late".

"Not yet, I want to stay here for a while, enjoy the view. I'll be alright. You go to bed and make your call"

Robert wasn't convinced. "Are you sure, I don't like the thought of leaving you on your own".

Harry laughed. I'm a big lad whose more than capable of looking after himself as well you know. I'll be alright. I'll see you in the morning, I fancy a nice fry up for my breakfast chef ".

Robert laughed. "God I've missed you".

Harry was serious again. "I've missed you to. Now away with you, go and give that laddie of yours a call".

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert left Harry and made his way upstairs. He had selected a different bedroom to the one that he had planned to share with Jamie, he'd left Tommy and Marcie to enjoy the splendour of the master bedroom. He got to his bedroom and went and sat on the bed. He picked up his phone that he had left charging on the bedside table and noticed 3 missed calls from Aaron. Robert pressed call and Aaron answered immediately.

"Finally, where have you been, I've called several times, I thought you would have finished dinner a while ago".

"Dinner took longer than I thought it would you know what its like best laid plans and all that. Anyway how has everything been. Seb and Liv ok?".

"Everything is as you left it, you've only been gone for a day, the world hasn't changed in your absence. When are you coming back?".

Robert winced at Aaron's tone, slight undertones of sarcasms definitely there. "Probably in the afternoon. I just have some paperwork to tie up in the morning and then I can drive back".

"Good meeting was it".

"Yes, it went better than I thought it would".

"Made a lot more money for Whittaker's then?".

"Can we please not do this tonight. I've had a really long day and I'm tired. All I want is to talk to my husband and a bit of love and affection wouldn't go amiss, or is that to much to ask for. The last thing I want is to argue with you, it was bad enough this morning".

"I don't want to argue either and if its any consolation I feel bad about this morning. I didn't mean to say the things I did".

Robert held out an olive branch. "Its ok. I should have know better than to wake you up so early. It was a given that you were going to be grumpy especially after not having had much sleep".

"I seem to recall that that was your fault, you kept me awake when we went to bed".

"I might have known you'd blame me. You are just going to have to learn to say no",

Aaron laughed. "Yeah right"

Robert laughed back. "I love you, you idiot"

"I love you to, you nightmare".

"I'm so tired, I need to sleep"

"Goodnight then"

"Goodnight to you to, sleep well".

They talked for a little longer, neither of them wanted to hang up but eventually tiredness got the better of them both and they said their final good nights. 

Robert laid in bed, sleep eluding him. He could feel the self disgust course thought him, relentlessly tormenting him. The lies that he was telling Aaron made him deeply ashamed of himself, so much for honesty at all times. He went over the advice Harry had given him earlier and shuddered. He wasn't ready to finally tell Aaron the parts of his life that he had missed out. He hoped with all his heart that he didn't run out of time, that the truth didn't overtake him and result in him losing Aaron because he couldn't face filling in the blanks of that terrible night and the subsequent fall out.

..................................................................................................................................................................................................... 

Aaron was sitting in the Woolpack waiting for Robert to arrive. It was nearly 5pm. Aaron had texted Robert earlier in the day saying that an urgent job had come up so he would be out until the afternoon so not to rush back. Robert had decided to stay with Harry until the afternoon. He had called Aaron and told him that he needed to update Whittaker's regarding his meeting so he would do it whilst he was away so it didn't encroach on their time together.

Ellis came into the pub and got a beer and sat down next to Aaron. They chatted about work for a while and Aaron asked him how the job had gone in Leeds, wanting to make sure that everything was ok with one of their most prestigious clients. Ellis replied that everything had gone well, then casually mentioned that he had seen Robert's car parked in one of the residents bays. Aaron was confused, stating that Robert was meeting one of his clients in Hotten. Ellis had been adamant that it was definitely Robert's car. Vic had come over, overheard what they were talking about and had then added her two penny's worth. It hadn't gone down well with Aaron when she had remarked that it sounded like Robert was up to his old tricks again. Aaron temper had flared at that and Vic never one to hold back had reminded Aaron that their relationship had started with an affair, a relationship built on lies. 

Robert unfortunately arrived just as Aaron and his Sister were starting to tear into each other. He looked at them both wondering what the hell had kicked off. "Would either of you like to tell me what's going on?".

Aaron was tight lipped but Vic waded in full throttle. "Ellis saw your car parked outside some posh apartments in Leeds but Aaron is adamant that you were in Hotten having a meeting. As far as I can see it doesn't take a genius to work out that you lied to your husband as to your whereabouts. I was just pointing out to him that you could be up to your old tricks again".

Robert noticed that Aaron flinched at Vic's words, saw the hurt flickering in his eyes and his temper exploded. "Wow, you really are something else, sister of the year not. When are you ever going to learn to keep that nasty mouth of yours in check, I'm sick of the way you shout the odds before you now what the facts really are".

Ellis interceded. "Hey don't talk to Vic like that. She has a point you weren't where you said you were going to be".

Robert glared at Ellis. "For your information the meeting I had was with one of the residents of those 'posh flats', he decided to work from home instead of going to his place of work in Hotten so I had to go to Leeds instead, not that it is any of your business. I don't appreciate you stirring things up with my husband, putting stupid ideas in his head".

Chas came over, wondering what was kicking off. "What's going on".

Vic couldn't wait to answer. "My brother's been lying to Aaron about this whereabouts and he's doing what he always does when he been caught out in a lie and that's trying to deflect the blame on everybody else but himself".

Chas looked pointedly at Robert. "What have you been lying to my son about and you better have a good answer?".

Robert was seething. "You know I'm sick of this. All of you do my head in. Somebody says that I have done something wrong and within minutes you are all jumping on the bandwagon thinking the worst of me, has it every occurred to any of you to get your facts right first before having a go, or is it to much for me to expect you to have the courtesy of asking me in a civilised fashion for the truth. But why the hell would you since it patently obvious you all want to think the worst of me at every opportunity".

Robert turned and glared at Vic. "You might be my sister and I love you but at this moment in time I am finding it very hard to like you, you've turned into a nasty piece of work, I don't recognise you as the sister I had when I first came back to the village".

With that Robert turned on his heels and walked out of the pub. He made his way to the Mill and went upstairs. He was livid, livid with Ellis and Vic, livid at Aaron for sitting there and saying nothing in his defence. A part of him was livid with himself knowing that whilst he hadn't cheated on Aaron as his sister had insinuated he was still guilty of lying. He stripped of his clothes and headed to the en suite. He stood under the shower, letting the water hit his body, trying to calm himself down. After a while the water grew cold and he reluctantly got out. He towelled himself dry and wrapped the towel around his waist and walked into the bedroom. 

Robert came to a halt as he saw Aaron sitting on the bed. His husband's eyes looked red. Aaron looked up at him, "Well, would you like to explain what the hell happened in the pub just now?".

Robert slowly made his way towards his husband and sat on the bed beside him. He couldn't look at him. 

"I'm waiting for an answer".

"Are you prepared to listen to what I have to say, or have you make up your mind already, let Vic's poison hit home".

"Robert I just want to know why you weren't where you said you'd be. You said that you were going to Whittaker's for a follow up meeting after you visited that client for them in Durham, They're based just outside of Hotten, not Leeds".

"I got a text after I had talked to you from Whittaker's Managing Director Tommy Merrick, the bloke I was due to meet. He said that he had had a change of plan and was working from home at his flat in Leeds so if it was ok could I meet him there instead, its that simple".

"So he lives at those posh flats then".

"Yes".

Aaron nodded. "Ok then".

"Is that it".

"What more is there to be said. You told me that you had a meeting with Whittaker's, you went to the meeting, end off, what more is there to say".

Aaron got up to go down stairs, he turned his back on Robert.

"Wait. Are we ok?".

"Why wouldn't we be. You haven't done anything wrong, have you".

"Then why are you being like this".

"Like what?".

Robert could barely manage to get his next words out. "Acting like you don't believe me. Do you really think that I would cheat on you?".

Aaron stopped in his tracks. He slowly turned around and looked at Robert, saw his husband with his head in his hands. Saw his shoulders shaking. He realised that his husband was crying. He cursed. He walked back and sat by the bed next to Robert. 

Robert was the first one to break the silence, he still couldn't look at Aaron, he was to frightened to see what expression his husband had on his face. "I love you, I love you so much. The night we got back together I promised you that I could be faithful to you and despite what you think I have kept that promise. I always will because there is one else I would ever want to be with but you. You are the love of my life".

Aaron sat stone still. The pain in his husband's voice cut him to the bone. He took hold of Robert's face and forced him to look at him. He saw abject misery written all over his husband's tear stained face. He gently wiped the tears away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I just found it strange that you kicked off like that in the pub, it not like you, it made me think the worst".

Robert sniffed. "Well maybe I just had enough. All it took was for my sister to shout her mouth off as per usual and you all just assumed the worst. I'm so sick and tired of it all, of always being judged and found guilty when I'm not, its just like it was when I was a kid, my dad always believed the worst of me without fail".

Aaron pulled Robert into his arms and held him close. He sensed that there was more to Robert's behaviour than he was letting on but he could see that it wasn't the right time to ask. He felt rotten now that he had entertained the idea that Robert could have been cheating on him, he knew that part of that was down to him, his insecurities, but Robert had definitely changed, something wasn't right. He had noticed him in unguarded moments looking miserable, as if he had something weighting him down. He racked his brains to try and fathom out what it was but he could think of nothing.

He kissed Robert, gently at first. Trying to apologise by actions rather than words. He deepen the kiss. Robert was reluctant at first, still hurting but he gradually relented, let his husband take control. They made love, Aaron tender and loving. 

Afterwards they lay in each others arms. Both alone with their thoughts. Robert believing that everything was moving slowly towards him losing Aaron, that his lies and deception would destroy everything and Aaron believing that he was losing Robert because he was out growing him and his husband needed more than he could give him.


	15. A Day in August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron spend the days together. August 2020
> 
> I would like to thank everybody who has being reading to date. I never expected so many hits and kudos to boot. Its very much appreciated. Thank you.

Aaron got out of bed trying his best not to wake Robert. Once he was up he glimpsed over at his husband, thankfully he was still fast asleep. He studied Robert's face and noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn't surprised, Robert had been burning the midnight oil for the last few weeks working on a project. Mercifully he had finished it late last night so Aaron was hopeful they could return to a more normal existence. Aaron had stopped himself from taking Robert to task about how hard he was working when he saw how much Robert was being paid for the job. What with all the ad-hoc work and the inroads he was making with the scrap business Robert was transforming their finances. Aaron mused that the only downside was that they were to busy to spend any of it. Something that he planned to rectify in the near future, their second anniversary was only 6 weeks away and he was planning to take his husband away for a long weekend at the most expensive hotel he could find in Barcelona. He thought that whilst they were away it would also be an opportune time to finally tell Robert that he was at last ready to go ahead with plans to present Seb with a brother or sister.

All in all Aaron was happy. Things had mercifully settled down after Robert's melt-down a couple of months ago and he firmly believed that they were solid again, he still wasn't convinced that Robert was completely ok, there were times when he seemed distance but he seemed calmer, more like his old self again so he hadn't pushed it. Much to Aaron's delight Robert had also respected his wishes and stayed away from Whittaker Haulage so it had removed an area of contention between them, he was feeling less insecure because of it and subsequently the rows had diminished to the norm for them. Not that Aaron thought they wouldn't row about something, the pair of them were to strong willed to lead a tranquil life without the odd flare up.

All in all things were good. The only fly in the ointment was Robert's fall-out with Vic and subsequently Ellis who was told in no uncertain terms by his domineering girlfriend that there was only one side to take, hers and for a peaceful life Ellis had abided to her wishes much to Aaron's disappointment. Aaron had thought that Ellis was better than that, had been under the opinion that he was somebody that could make his own mind up rather than being bullied into a point of view that deep down he maybe didn't share. It had at times made their working relationship a bit strained. 

To make matters worse Robert had refused point blank to apologise to either one of them for his outburst. Aaron reflected that it would be better all round if Robert had at least tried to find a half way solution to whatever it was that had made him snap like he had but he had well and truly dug his heels in and said no. Diane had tried to mediate but had had the same luck as Aaron. Neither of them had got a satisfactory answer as to why he had lost it so badly with Vic, he had just said that she had said one vile thing once to often and he had finally had enough of her nasty mouth, end-off. Aaron had no idea if Robert would ever get round to making peace with his sister in the foreseeable.

Aaron had a quick wash, then dressed and made his way downstairs, he helped himself to a Danish pastry, one of the batch that Robert had picked up yesterday after the meeting he had in Hotten from his favourite cake shop and headed out of the door and made his way to the scrap yard. 

Ellis and Billy were already there hard at work., Aaron wasn't sure why they were still working from the yard, since Robert had set up additional premises near Hotten to cope with the ever increasing volume of business he had secured. What with the new manager and administrator that Robert had employed to oversee the day to day running of their new site they were now employing 20 people and that wasn't including the 3 of them working in Emmerdale. Aaron wondered if it was sentimentality that had stopped Robert closing down the Emmerdale site. As he looked at the Porto Cabin he mused that it certainly had more than its fair share of happy memories. A smile flickered across his face as he remembered some of their passionate encounters. When he has asked Robert if it was nostalgia that kept the Porto Cabin where it was his husband had laughed and just said that it was good to still have a site close to home. Aaron wasn't convinced, he thought it was more likely that Robert wanted to keep him close just in case he fancied 'lunch' at home.

Aaron said hello to the brothers and went into the Porto Cabin to make a brew. Before long he was joined by them both. He sighed and filled the kettle again. They all sat there sipping their tea. Things were ticking along nicely until Ellis had to ruin it all by making a snide remark. Is his highness not gracing us with his present today, has he become to grand to slum it with the likes of us now he's hobnobbing with all those rich high flying businessmen"

Aaron felt his hackles start to rise. Ellis was yet again mirroring Vic's way of making nasty digs whenever the opportunity presented itself. He knew that Robert could be a difficult person to get on with at times, definitely an acquired taste, in fact Aaron mused he could be a nightmare but he was the only one that got to say anything snarky and then it was said with affection, God help anybody else who thought it was ok to have a pop. He especially wasn't going to let Ellis disrespect his husband. "If its Robert that you are referring to he has been really busy on a project and is having a lie in, not that it is any of your business".

Ellis failed to register that he had annoyed Aaron so ploughed on. "Alright for some, idling away whilst the rest of us graft".

Aaron had had enough of his cheek and was on the verge of snapping back when Billy intervened. "I think Robert's entitled to a lay in. Aaron's just said that he has been working long hours on a project so give the attitude a rest".

Ellis sneered at Billy's remarks. "Since when do you stick up for Robert? If he had his way you wouldn't be working here. He thinks your trash".

Aaron finally had had enough. "Will the pair of you shut-up. I don't come to work to referee between you two acting like kids. I have a 2 year old at home who is better behaved".

Both Ellis and Billy ceased talking, both stung by Aaron's remarks. Aaron seeing the mutinous looks on both their faces decided that it would be best to keep them apart for the rest of the day. He looked at the schedule of jobs they had on to see if there were any pick ups he could send one of them to. To his relief he spotted one. "Right which one of you wants to go to Skipdale to collect some scrap?".

Ellis was the first to react and Aaron gave him the paperwork. Ellis gulped the rest of his tea down, grabbed the paperwork and keys to the van and departed post haste.

Billy sipped his tea slowly. "Sorry about that boss".

"It wasn't your fault. Ellis is behaving like an idiot regarding Robert"

"You've got Vic to thank for that, she's had a right downer on your husband since he told her a few home truths. Can't say that I like her that much anymore, she can be a right cow at times. I don't blame Robert for swerving her".

Aaron was surprised. "Since when have you been team Robert?".

"I was there that night when she was stirring it. She was totally out of order shouting her mouth off like that. She had no idea why Robert was in Leeds and rather than wait for an answer she just starting accusing him of stuff. If you hadn't had the sense to hear Robert out she could have done a lot of damage to your relationship".

Aaron was bemused by Billy's reaction. "I didn't know you cared?".

"Look I appreciate the way you have given me a chance, you've been really descent with me, its a miracle especially after the way I treated you when we were inside. You gave me a break when I needed one so I guess I want to see you ok. From what I've seen you and Robert have something special, the kind of love that people spend their entire lives looking for and very seldom find and Vic, well she tried to ruin it, it really pissed me off".

Aaron was taken aback, he chuckled to himself. "I didn't realise you were such a romantic. Ellis was right about one thing though, Robert has hardly made you feel welcome".

"You obviously know Robert better than I do but I really think that we have finally turned a corner. He's seen me put the graft in and you know what he's like about work ethics, he appreciates somebody who puts a shift in. I don't suppose we are ever going to be best mates but I think he has finally accepted that I am truly sorry for what I put you through. We had a chat a while back and he said that if you were happy to work along side me then he would back off".

"Seriously! Are you sure it was my husband you were talking to".

Billy laughed. "Yep".

"Miracles do happened after all".

Just at that moment the door opened and Robert stepped in. noting that they were supping tea. "I see your both hard at work".

Both Aaron and Billy laughed at his timing considering what they had just talked about working hard. Billy drunk up, nodded a greeting to Robert and went outside to continue his work".

"What was that all about?"

"Seems Billy is becoming a fan of yours, he told me about your little chat".

"Really"

"Care to elaborate why you've turn soft with him, you were all for running him out of town not so long ago?".

"Well he has done as he promised when you gave him a job, he's worked hard, kept his head down and not caused any trouble. He actually volunteered to do some paperwork for me last week and made a good job of it. Lots of brownie points on that score, you know how I hate accounts. So I thought that since you kept going on at me about it I would cut him some slack".

"Wonders will never cease, You actually took some of my advice, were you feeling ok".

"Very funny. Anyway I do listen to you".

Aaron just shook his head at him. Robert might listen but he didn't always follow his advice however much he liked to think he did.

Robert went over and made himself a brew, he indicated to Aaron if he wanted a top up".

"I shouldn't really have another, there's a car that I need to start stripping".

"Can't Ellis do it, he is around somewhere isn't he?"

"I sent him out on a job. Him and Billy were bickering again".

"What about his time".

"Just the usual".

"Are. Should my back be tingling?".

"No more than normal. You know it would help matters if you could patch things up with Vic so he didn't feel the need to tow the line by being snide?"

"Sorry no can do at the moment. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet to much. Its a refreshing change not having to put up with her shouting the odds all the time, telling me my supposed shortcoming at every opportunity".

Aaron chose not to reply. After listening to Ellis and Billy kick off he had has enough already for one day without winding Robert up. "So why are you here, I thought you were having a lie in?".

"Charming. I woke up and you weren't there, had you have been I was going to ask whether you wanted to go out for the day?".

Billy came back into the office just as Aaron replied. "No can do, to busy, I've got that car to strip as I just told you like 2 minutes ago if you had bothered to listen".

Before Robert could reply Billy butted in. "There's no need to worry about that, I've nearly finished with the car I'm doing, I can easily do the other car as well, no worries. Why don't you take Robert up on his offer and go out for the day".

Robert beamed and looked at Aaron. "There you go, that's settles it.. Come on, what are we waiting for, lets go".

Aaron just shook his head. There was no denying Robert when he was this insistent and besides he didn't want to. A whole day with his husband was just what he wanted.

Aaron turned to Billy. "Nice one. Thanks for that. If you have any problems keep them until tomorrow unless all hell breaks loose then and only then can you call me".

Billy smiled. "Message received. Now off you both go and enjoy the sun".

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert and Aaron sat outside eating lunch at the cafe. It was just a simple meal, baked potatoes and cheese for Robert and cheese and beans for Aaron plus the salad that Robert had insisted on as it was healthy. Freddie was nestled up against Robert's feet having a rest after their walk around the lake and woodlands. Aaron was pleased now that he had changed his plans for the day at the last minute. When they had set off Aaron had demanded the keys from Robert saying he was driving as he was going to be in charge of their day. He had intended on taking Robert to Leeds to that fancy Italian restaurant he liked but then at the last minute he had had a change of heart and had headed to Golden Acre Park instead. Since their visit to the Yorkshire Dales National Park Aaron had discovered that his husband enjoyed the wide open spaces more than he had let on and thought that a walk and lunch would appeal to him more, plus it meant that they could walk the mutt at the same time so they could have more time together later in the evening if his highness had had his exercise for the day.

They sat basking in the August sun. It was a warm day but not to hot that it had made them uncomfortable. Aaron sighed in contentment, these were the kind of days he loved, his husband all to himself. He felt the need to reassure himself that Robert was happy to, that he was having a good day as well. "You enjoying yourself?".

"I am thanks, it just what I needed".

Aaron beamed. "Well I thought you could do with unwinding. You've been working non stop for weeks now. Thought it would do you good to have a day where you could chill out and put your laptop away for once".

"Are you annoyed with me?".

Aaron groaned internally. He hadn't meant to sound like he was having a dig. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin the mood. "No, I'm not annoyed, it just that you never seem to rest these day. I know that your last scan was all good and your back to full health but you are doing to much. If its not work, it looking after me. Seb and Liv plus the mutt and his never ending energy that demands constant walks. I thought it would be nice for you to have a day just for yourself, let me take care of you for a change".

Robert smiled at Aaron. "That's very kind of you".

"You deserve to be spoiled once in a while. Look I don't want us to get heavy but I do worry about you. You are ok aren't you. You're not taking on to much work?". Aaron paused before continuing. "You know that I would rather us have more time together than you working yourself to the bone doing to much. I miss you when you're not around".

"You are being nice to me today and I do appreciate that you care enough about me to be concerned but I'm ok, you don't need to worry".

Aaron was perplexed. This wasn't like his Robert, he was being far to polite. It was as if he was trying to placate him all the time. Admittedly they had had one to many rows a few months ago but Aaron reasoned that was them, it was how they had been since they first met. Two head strong people who liked their own way were always going to clash heads from time to time.

Aaron decided that today the last thing he wanted was a full scale row so he decided to tread carefully. "So now you have just finished this latest project is there a lot more work in the pipeline?.

"Not to much in the near future, One of the reasons I have been working so hard recently is that I wanted to clear the decks, get everything done so I had some free time going forward",

Aaron was curious. "Any particular reason for cramming it all in?".

Robert looked nervous. "You promise you won't be mad at me?".

Aaron raised his eyebrows, he was even more intrigued".

"Why don't you just tell me what you've done and I'll let you know".

Robert took a deep breathe. "The thing is I know that I have been really busy lately and we haven't had to much quality time together so I was thinking that if I worked really hard and got things done it would allow us to have a much needed break. Now I know that you aren't keen on surprises but I have gone ahead and booked us a holiday next month".

Aaron was dumbfounded. He knew that Robert liked to spoil him, do nice things for him from time to time but he hadn't had any inkling that Robert had made these kind of plans. He was a bit peeved about it as well as it had taken away his surprise of planning a holiday for them for their anniversary. For once he had wanted to be the one to make a grand gesture. He was slightly grumpy when he replied. "I don't know whether to thank you or be mad at you".

"I was hoping for a thank you. I know from things that you have said from time to time that you loved the holiday we had in Mauritius so I thought that maybe you would like to go there again".

Aaron's face lit up any thoughts he had had at giving Robert a hard time evaporated. Excluding their honeymoon, Mauritius had been the best holiday he had ever had. He had never been anywhere like it before. The hotel had been amazing, 5 star luxury and the beach had been his idea of what paradise was like. That he had got to go there with Robert was something he had never imagined in his widest dreams could ever of happened. In the affair era he never believed Robert would eventually be his and nobody else's.

Robert looked at Aaron closely, trying to work out if he had overstepped the mark. He nervously asked. "Well what do you think?".

Aaron smiled. "I think it sounds amazing".

Robert let out a sigh of relief. "Seriously, you aren't mad at me for not consulting you?".

"I should be, but I'm not. I loved Mauritius. So for the important bit when are we going and how long for?".

Robert beamed. He could never tell with Aaron how he would react when he did something for him. He'd gone out of his way to help him in the past only to be told in no uncertain circumstances that he had no right to interfere, that he should have minded his own business. It always stung him, when his husband threw every good intention he had to protect him back in his face, it made him feel insecure, made him feel that his husband didn't need him. Robert though had acknowledged a long time ago that it was part of his DNA to help the people he loved and knew he would never stop trying to help whether it was wanted or not..

"We are going next week and before you start up I have cleared it for you to be away from work and your mum and Liv are ok to look after Seb".

Robert paused for a moment before ploughing on. "If its ok with you we can have 2 weeks to ourselves and then for the third week again if you are ok with it, Liv can fly out with Seb and we can have a family holiday just the 4 of us. What do you think?".

Robert waited on tenterhooks to hear Aaron response.

Aaron just laughed in reply, the happiness radiating from him, he reached over and hugged his husband. Robert was taken aback, they were surrounded by people and it wasn't Aaron's way to show him any affection in public like this. Aaron held him for a while before mindful of where they were drew back again. He still had a smile on his face. "I think that's amazing".

"Really, you aren't cross with me for being heavy handed, doing stuff without consulting you?".

"On this occasion no. Its brilliant, I loved Mauritius". Robert could detect the excitement in Aaron's voice where he asked. "So where are we staying?".

Robert pulled his mobile from his pocket and brought up the details. Aaron's eyes widened when he saw the hotel and the star rating. The St Regis Mauritius Resort.

"I've booked us a Villa so we will be away from the hotel but with all the benefits. If you scroll down you can see all the extra's".

Aaron did as he was told. The more he read the more amazed he was. It was incredible, he gasped at what he was seeing. "Robert, this is unbelievable, it must have cost a bomb".

"I take it you like it then?".

Aaron's face was lit up. Robert felt that lurch in the pit of his stomach which he got when his husband's face was alight with pure happiness. He lived for those moments. He tried to stop himself from ruining his mood by allowing the self recriminations he constantly lived with these days to take hold, he knew that if he had been honest with Aaron he could have spoiled him like this from day one. They could have had a luxurious lifestyle, enjoying his money if Robert had not have concealed his wealth. Something that was haunting him more and more as time went by.

"Can we really afford this?".

Once more Robert felt the pang of guilt tearing through him. "Of course we can, why do you think I'm working so hard, so I can give you everything you deserve. So I can make sure that you, Seb and Liv and hopefully whatever other children we have can have the best lives possible".

Aaron felt a lump come to his throat. Robert was always trying to do everything he could for his family, he realised that he didn't always find the words to let his husband know that he appreciated him, but he did realise if nobody else did that Robert when he loved somebody would move heaven and earth for them to make everything right. He felt an overwhelming swell of love for his husband. for the man that had transformed his life. He decided to put how he felt into words for once. "I know I don't always say it, or show it for that matter, but it does mean a lot to me, having you in my life, taking care of me. So thank you".

Robert found himself welling up. He found it difficult to reply for a while. "Thank you back, it means a lot, it really does, you are my world you know that".

Aaron reached over and gave his husband's hand a squeeze. Robert smiled in response. Their moment was interrupted as a waitress came and collected their empty plates. They both pulled apart.

Aaron spoke first, trying to mask his embarrassment at the waitress's smirk. "You fancy anything else".

Robert laughed, his emotions once more firmly under control, there was amusement in his eyes at seeing the blush that suffused his husband's face. "Would you like to clarify that question?".

Aaron's blush deepen, he gruffly tried to deflect his husband. "I was referring to desert".

Robert had a suggestive glint in his eyes. "You mean afters?".

Aaron groaned. Robert was deliberately finding a double meaning with everything he said. "Very funny". 

Aaron was determined to drag his husband back to safer ground. "I noticed that here was some chocolate cake on display. You tempted to have some, tubby".

Robert started to laugh, the warmth of the sound melting Aaron's heart. "Why not".

After slabs of chocolate cake and another coffee each they decided to walk to the other parts of the park that they had yet to cover. The lilac collection, the arboretum and then the heather garden that would loop them round once more to the woodland garden's again and back to the car park.

They walked at a leisurely pace, neither of them wanting to rush, it was a day just to savour the joy of being alive. There was a sense of peace between them as they enjoyed the sights. Aaron glanced over at Robert, the dark circles were still evident under his eyes but he had turned slightly pink in the sun. He mused over how the sun's rays would bring his husband's freckles out and smiled. It was one of this favourite pastimes counting them.

Robert's words interrupted his thoughts. "This is about as perfect as it gets. Thanks for bringing me here. Good choice".

"We could do this more often if you didn't work so much".

As soon as the words were out Aaron berated himself once more, this was the second time he had put his foot in it today by saying the wrong thing. He quickly tried to defuse any contention his words might have caused. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I do appreciate what you are doing for us, I am grateful, its just that I miss the free time we used to have together".

"Well we will soon be having loads of free time, 3 weeks in paradise, nobody to wind us up, just you and me".

"Yeah right, I can't image you putting your feet up for 3 whole weeks without checking your phone or laptop several times a day".

Robert looked shamed faced. Aaron knew him far to well. "Well about that, I thought we could negotiate a certain amount of time for me just to check in each day. Nothing more than a brief look to make sure everything is going ok. I'm sure you are going to want to check on the scrap yard as well".

Aaron gave Robert a stern look. "One hour max and that's it. If you break the rules the laptop and the phone are going in that private tub that goes with Villa".

Robert decided to take the offer, to be fair it was better than he had hoped for. "You're on. One hour it is. Whilst we are talking about work I have an idea for you regarding the scrap yard".

Aaron was instantly alert. "Like what?".

"I was chatting with our manager at the Hotten site and he was saying that the workload was getting to much for him and his administrator to cope with so I was thinking that we need to get at least two more admin staff".

"Like who".

"Well Priya approached me for a job. She's not happy at Home Farm. I think that Graham was bad enough to deal with on his own, you know how morose he is, joy a minute but I think that him coupled with Kim Tate being a demanding diva was the last straw. It sounded like she was sick and tired of the gruesome twosome".

Aaron thought it over. "You forgot to mention that there would be the added bonus that if we employed Priya it would wind Kim Tate up by poaching one of her employees".

Robert wasn't the least bit bothered what Kim Tate thought. "Its up to Priya where she wants to work".

Aaron wasn't totally convinced about having her on board, he always thought she was a bit prissy for his tastes, plus although he trusted Robert he didn't want her thrusting that cleavage of hers in his face at every opportunity He was of the opinion that her idea of work clothes was inappropriate at times, he'd seen women wear more on a night out in Hotten "Isn't the scrap yard going to be a bit down market for her after Home Farm, its hardly glamorous".

"I was thinking that she could work from the Hotten site. We could get a Porto Cabin installed there as a temporary measure. I think the time has come to install some offices in the warehouse. There's plenty of space we could create a mezzanine floor, I've already had some plans drawn up for you to approve".

Aaron was taken aback, he had had no idea Robert had been working on future plans for the scrap yard in such depth, he had thought he had spent all his recent time on the project he had been working all hours of the day on "Sounds like you have got it all thought out".

Robert confirmed what Aaron had just thought. "I haven't just been working on my fancy projects. The volume of work at the scrap yard is getting to the point that it is overwhelming us in the current set-up. You said earlier that we are working to much. You are getting buried in paperwork. This is the solution. Staff up and have proper offices".

"Can we afford it all, Priya, this other new assistant and the building work?".

"We can, I've costed everything out and the numbers stack up. Its the way forward Aaron. If we want to expand the business any further we need to make sure the basics are right and get things on a more professional footing. We get the right people in to manage the business for us on a day to day basis and once everything is running smoothing we will be able to step back and just oversee things". 

Aaron smiled. "You sound like you have got it all worked out".

Aaron thought for a while longer about what Robert had just said. A part of him was caught up in the moment, imaging the future of the business. "Ok. Lets go for it". 

Robert beamed. He was glad that Aaron was onboard. Whilst he did help out all the time in business matters he knew that it was Aaron's company and he was careful to make sure that he didn't take over without his approval.

Aaron's voice cut into this reflections. "Do you want me to give Priya a call".

"Why not. I think its best from day one that she realises that you're the boss".

Aaron chuckled. "It hasn't stopped you getting involved".

"That only for your benefit".

"So if you're only doing this for my own good how about humouring me and doing something for your own good in return".

Robert was wary. "Such as?"

"Like try and patch things up between you and Vic. You used to be so close and now you barely talk to her".

"That's though choice".

"But why, I don't get it. You have put up with her mouthing off for years. Why has it become a problem now?".

"Aaron I don't want to ruin our day by talking about her. She crossed the line once to often, end off".

"But why not, you're always on at me to let you in when I'm struggling with something, would it be so difficult for you to let me help you in return?".

Robert took his time, pondering over what to say, he decided to be honest, to tell Aaron why he had kicked back against his family who kept demeaning him. "When I was diagnosed with the brain tumour it shook me up, if one thing I thought I could always rely on was my health, I don't do ill you know me, I've always been well apart from the odd cold now and again but there I was with this life threatening illness. It made me take stock of my life. In Emmerdale I know I will never win any popularity contests, the dice was cast back when I was a lad and my dad threw me out. People in Emmerdale will always think the worst of me, its programmed into their brains as a default mode. But the people close to me, well I expect better from them, they should be on my side, not joining the rest of the mob and wanting to burn me at the stake. Vic has been vile ever since she found out it was Moira that pushed Emma and killed her, not Adam, she needs somebody to blame for her lack of faith and trust in her husband being innocent and I've drawn the short straw, I've become her whipping boy".

"But none of it was your fault. you didn't know anything".

"But you did and you are my husband, ergo I am taking your side in this, condoning her losing the love of her life. She sees me happy with you and it winds her up. You know what she was like when she first found out about Moira, she told me to my face that I should be very careful who I chose to marry and then there is Seb, you know how much she wants a baby, she sees us with a child and thinks that we deprived her of the same, although I think she had conveniently forgotten that Adam fired blanks. She's bitter inside Aaron. She has Ellis but she still can't appreciate what she's got because she is fixated with Adam and what might have been".

"I can understand her being upset over Adam. They were great together".

Robert resisted the urge to tell Aaron what he had thought of Adam, he'd never been a fan, he'd even gone so far as to try and stop the marriage. "I'll pass on that one".

"So what's your solution".

"I don't want Vic around us if she is going to be bitter and spiteful. Over the years I've put up with so much from the people in Emmerdale, they have the mistaken notion that its ok to speak to and treat me like dirt and I won't put up with it anymore. In my private life I want to surround myself with people that genuinely care about me, acknowledge that I have feelings and respect them accordingly. Everyone else can go to hell, I'm sick to death of their narrow minded parochialism especially as the majority of them are so far from perfect themselves and therefore have no right based on their own behaviour to judge anybody else".

Aaron was taken aback by the vehement in Robert voice. "Wow. That explains a lot".

"Does it?".

"You've got a short memory. The other day when I managed to drag you away from your laptop for a hour and Charity made that snide crack about you thinking you were businessman of the year in your own ego inflated world I seem to recall you didn't hold back when you told her a few home truths in return, you ridiculed her about what she had to show for her life, what was it again, a washed up nobody who for all her misplaced smug superiority had never achieved anything herself but just latched on to whatever rich man had had the bad taste and stupidity to fall for her rancid charms and by the way you're a first class bitch to boot to".

Robert was unrepentant. "She asked for it, she's made so many snide comments about me over the years that I decided she deserved some of her own medicine in return, If she's rude again I'll tell her once more what I think of her".

Aaron inwardly cringed. "You know I think this holiday is definitely what you need, big time. I think it will be a good idea getting you away from the village before you create merry hell within the Dingle clan. You do realise that my Mum was bending my ear because Charity had been bitching nonstop about you since you told here your version of home truths and could I rein you in". 

Aaron added quickly afterwards "As if".

Robert laughed. "Oh dear, I guess I'm on the naughty step again with my mother-in-law, am I going to be sent to bed without any tea?".

Aaron was exasperated. "Its not funny. You aren't the one that has to listen to her bending your ear. She's been doing my head in again, it was bad enough having to placate her after Vic implied you were cheating on me a couple of month ago, I had to put her straight before she had Cain lynch you". 

Robert was reflective. "I think you're right, it is definitely a good time for a holiday. Hopefully when we get back to Emmerdale everybody will have suffered an irreversible attack of laryngitis that will stop them talking crap once and for all, just think we could live in peace and quiet with no more hassle". 

Aaron looked closely at Robert. He didn't look like he was joking. "Does it really bother you that much, having to put up with the hassle as you call it?".

"I told you earlier that I am fed up with the constant snipping and the cloud that hangs over me in Emmerdale. I have been wondering for a while whether to ask you about how you felt about moving away from Emmerdale one day. If we are going to have this football team you said you wanted the Mill isn't going to be a long term solution, I'm already worrying myself sick about Seb falling down those stairs, God knows what possessed me into thinking they were a good idea in the first place. I know that it would mean moving away from your family but you have said yourself that they can be to much. If we moved away we could still see them but on our own terms".

Aaron was taken aback. He sometimes wondered if he ever had the remotest clue what was going through his husband's head sometimes. "Where the hell is this coming from. You've never mentioned moving away before?".

"Its just an idea I have been having recently. It doesn't have to be far. We have more money now so it increases our life choices. We can make a better future for all our immediate family".

Aaron was still floundering. "Its a lot to take in. Its a really big decision to make. I'm just not sure what to feel about moving away from my family, their such a big part of my life, it would be weird without them".

"I get that, I really do and to be honest there is no rush to make a decision right this minute. All I'm asking is that you think about it over a period of time, get your head around the idea. We can talk about it later, say after our holiday?".

Aaron nodded in response.

They walked on in silence. Both with their own thoughts about what they had just talked about.

Robert was happy that he had finally broached the topic of moving away. Unbeknownst to Aaron he had recently purchased an old derelict house called Mere Place on the border of Emmerdale and Robblesfield. The address to his satisfaction wasn't Emmerdale but Robblesfield, so he could at last move away from the village that he had a love/hate relationship with. Get some distance from the gossips with their prying eyes. He had been successful in having planning permission granted to transform the house into something much more substantial based on plans he had had an architect draw up a few years ago and with the extra land he had acquired adjacent to the land that went with the house there would be a huge garden for what he hoped would be several of their children to play safely in. He had moved quickly in getting the builders arranged, thanks to a recommendation from his brother Tommy and it was only a matter of weeks before they could start. If everything went well the house would be ready within a year. The only cloud on the horizon was how to explain to Aaron how he had afforded it all but he had made up his mind that he was going to come clean, finally be totally honest as Harry had suggested, it was just a matter of when now not if.

Aaron was feeling shell shocked. He had no idea that Robert had wanted to move. A part of him knew that the Mill wouldn't be ideal for a large family but he had grown to love the apartment after the initial misgivings of living in a home paid for by money left to him by his father. Robert had made it their own, making it their dream home and he was reluctant to leave it behind, nervous about moving elsewhere. Then there was his family to consider, in truth they could be a pain, one never ending drama after the other but they had taken him in after his dad had chucked him out and they had been there for him through thick and thin. He didn't know whether he was prepared to lose them, but to be fair Robert had said that they could stay close so visiting them wouldn't be a problem plus it meant that they wouldn't be able to just drop in at inconvenient moments as they were oft to do much to his embarrassment sometimes when he was having private time with Robert.

Robert could see that Aaron was mulling things over, he had a look of consternation on his face. "Look. I'm sorry about dropping this bombshell on you. I meant what I said, there is no rush to make your mind up you know. If we have another baby its not going to be for another 9 months at the very least so its not like we are going to need more space immediately".

"I know. Its just I'm trying to get my head around it all. It just that you have sprung it on me totally out of the blue. I get the stuff with the scrap yard and I trust you completely to do the best for the business but this is personal. It would mean making changes to our lives and then there is Liv to consider, would she want to move?".

"Liv is eighteen now. She will probably want to go to university if she passes her diploma so she will be flying the nest. She's not going to want to spend the rest of her life living with us".

"You sure about that? I think she enjoys being waited on hand and foot far to much to want to fend for herself in the foreseeable future. Plus she loves living with us. You know she thinks the world of you. I know the stroppy mare never says it but she loves the bones of you, she's really grateful for all the help and support you give her with her studies, you've always there for her, you listen to her and you never judge her when she had gotten herself into scrapes. Why on earth would she want to lose being near you?".

Robert felt himself welling up, Aaron's words making him feel emotional, that he was so loved by the people that he truly cared about meant more to him than he could put into words. He had grown to love Liv as if she was his own. The truth was he saw her as more than just a sister-in-law, because of the age gap between them she was almost like a daughter to him as well. He knew that she was one of the select few that he would move heaven and earth for. "Liv will always have a home with us for as long as she wants. She's as much a part of our family as Seb is and she with never lose me".

It was Aaron's turn to feel emotional. "You know you should tell her that, she'd probably come back with some snarky remark but deep down she would love it, it would mean the world to her".

"I think I might have to pick my moment for that or she will think I've had a bang on the head or something".

Aaron laughed. "Should we mention it to her about moving?".

"No not just yet. Why don't you think about it first as we discussed and then when you are more comfortable with the idea we can talk to Liv".

Aaron nodded his agreement.

For the rest of the walk they steered their conversation to more neutral topics. The sun rays having a smoothing effect on them, making them appreciate the beauty surrounding them.

Robert looked down and saw that Freddie looked dead on his feet, his head was lolling, the exercise with the combination of the heat had got to him. To Aaron's bemusement Robert bent down and picked him up. Robert saw the disapproval on Aaron face and laughed, a gentle warm sound that had Aaron smiling in response. Aaron reached for Robert's spare hand and took it in his own for the rest of the walk. Robert glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and saw the happiness engraved on his face and felt his heart soar. Robert wished that everyday could be like this.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron and Robert finally made it home at 5pm. As soon as they entered the flat Freddie went to his bed and plonked himself down and started to snooze. Aaron looked at the dog and shook his head. "Wonders will never cease, I think we managed to wear him out at long last, I didn't think it was possible".

Robert laughed. "He's not the only one that done in. We must have walked for hours".

Robert made his way to the sofa and sat down. He reached for his laptop only for Aaron to take it away from him before he could get to it. Robert raised a quizzical eyebrow at Aaron. Aaron just shook his head at him and went and placed the laptop on the kitchen counter out of his reach. Aaron put the kettle on and returned a few minutes later with a brew for them both. He snuggled up close to Robert on the sofa as he sipped his tea.

Robert stole a glance at him. "So are you going to tell me what that was all about?".

"I told you this morning that you were having the day off".

"So you did".

"God I'm tired. I think Freddie has the right idea. I could do with a nap".

"Why don't you then?".

"I need to get the dinner ready. Liv said she would be home at 6pm and then I need to rescue Diane, I'm sure that she has had more than enough of Seb by now, he'd have run her ragged".

"I can get Seb and then when I come back I could cook".

Robert shuddered internally. The last time that Aaron had cooked both him and Liv had had stomach ache all night. Since then the pair of them had done their best to conspire to keep him away from the kitchen unless he was doing one of his fry-ups or Sunday lunches. Robert still couldn't understand how somebody who was so good at those two meals failed miserably with everything else unless the directions were on the packet. "You must be as tired as I am. Why don't we collect Seb and then call into David's Shop and get some pizzas or if that doesn't appeal we can order a take-away when we get back".

"There is another alternative, I could go the Woolie and get Marlon to rustle something up for us".

Robert nodded his assent. "Ok, do that, just avoid the fish pie, its rank".

Aaron laughed. He remember the face Robert had pulled when he had ordered it a few weeks ago, the first bite had left him looking green.

Robert casually added. "Of course if you go to the Woolie you could tell your mum about the holiday and make sure she's still on board to take care of Seb".

Aaron gave Robert one of his pointed looks. "So what are you going to be doing when I'm out. Having a nap maybe or let me guess checking your emails by any chance?".

Robert had the good grace to look guilty. "Ok, hands up, you've got me bang to rights. I just need to see that everything is fine with the project. 30 minutes max and then that's it".

Aaron made Robert sweat awhile before he gave him his answer. "Ok. You have until I come back with our tea. Then that laptop gets put away for the night. End of. Alright".

"Your the boss. No laptop when you come back. You will have my undivided attention for the rest of the evening".

Aaron leant over and gave Robert a quick kiss before reluctantly getting to his feet. Whilst he would not admit it to Robert since he the younger of the two of them and prided himself with being fitter than his old man he was feeling tired to. He made for the door and saw that Robert was still sitting down. Aaron mused that at least he had had the good grace not to have jumped up and grabbed his laptop before he was out of the door.

..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron sat in the back room of the Woolie with his mum. She had Seb on her lap and was bouncing the little boy up and down much to his delight. Aaron thought not for the first time what a lovely little boy he was, such a happy soul and as good as gold. He marvelled not for the first time how it was possible for his nightmare of a husband to have fathered a son like him, why Seb hadn't got pointed horns on his head and a long pointy tail mystified him.

"Penny for them love?".

Aaron was shocked out of his reverie by his mum's words. "I was just thinking what a lovely little boy Seb is".

"Were you now and would you by any chance be wondering how Robert managed to produce a son like him".

Aaron blushed. Chas seeing that she had hit the nail on the head laughed. "He's not that bad really you now".

"What Seb?".

"No, Robert you idiot. It was lovely of him to have arranged that holiday for you. He's definitely got lots of brownie points from me when he told me what he'd planned and asked whether I could look after Seb whilst you were away. He thinks the world of you, you know".

"You think?".

"Of course I do, why don't you love?".

"I know he does deep down but its just that he's so busy these days, I feel that we are not as together as we once were, I miss him not being around like he was when he was running the haulage company a part me sometimes feels like I'm losing him"

Aaron paused for a moment, rubbed his face with his hand. "Look just ignore me, I'm being stupid".

"I know you are".

Aaron looked up in wonder at his mum. "Am I hearing right, did you just stick up for Robert!".

"I know, I think I must be coming down with something. Look love, joking aside you have a man that loves the bones of you. From what Liv tells me you still can't keep your hands of each other. Don't ruin it all by over thinking things. Besides look at the benefits of him working so hard. That holiday sounded amazing".

Aaron pushed his misgivings aside. He took out his mobile and flicked to the email that Robert had sent him with all the details about their holiday on and started to show his mum. He watched as his mum's eyes lit up as she saw the opulence of the Villa that they would be staying in. 

"Wow, Robert doesn't fancy inviting me and Pads along does he. We could provide full time baby sitting whilst you two go out and enjoy yourself".

Aaron shuddered, the thought of his mum and surrogate dad coming with them was horrifying to say the least. It would definitely ruin his plans to relive their honeymoon. Before he could think of a suitable reply Vic came in with their food for dinner.

Vic was annoyed. She hadn't appreciated having to cook dinner for her brother, Aaron and Liv, she couldn't see why Robert couldn't have done it himself. She thought that since he had gone freelance and started working from home he had got above himself. As she approached Aaron she noticed the image on his phone of what looked like a really nice hotel. Her nosiness kicked into gear. "What's that you're looking at?".

Before Aaron could answer her, his mum put her oar in. "Oh its where your brother is taking our Aaron to on their holidays. Three weeks in paradise".

Vic was overcome with jealousy. "Its alright for some. What's he done now that requires him to make such a grand gesture, guilty conscience for something he's done wrong?".

Aaron's hackles flared. He had to agree with Robert that his sister had changed and not for the better, the old Vic would never had been so nasty. He was just about to give her what for when once more his mum intervened.

"Your brother hasn't done anything other than go out of his way to spoil his much loved husband by treating him to an amazing holiday. You have a problem with that?"

Vic seeing that she was on thin ice backed off. She made her excuses, said that she needed to get back to the kitchen and left post haste. She was angry inside that Aaron got to be happy and loved up with the man he loved when he had been instrumental in magicking away her husband when he was fleeing from being sent to prison for something he had not done.

Chas just sighed in exasperation as Vic left. "I don't know what's got into that girl. You know I think I can begin to see why Robert wants to give her a wide berth at the moment. Lord's knows what he's done to make her be the way she is with him. you have any ideas love?".

Aaron shook his head. He felt a pang of guilt inside, knowing that this was primarily all his fault. That Robert was the one taking the flack for what he and Cain had done. "Robert thinks its because she is jealous about us doing well".

"In that case she is a very silly girl, nothing good comes from being envious of other folk, it makes you discontent with your own lot and miserable to boot".

Aaron agreed with his mum. He decided that the best course of action was to make a hasty retreat back home with their dinner before his mum decided to embark on twenty questions that revealed more than he wanted to admit to. 

...........................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron laid awake beside his sleeping husband. He stretched out and winced as he felt the pain emanating from his aching body. He knew that he only had himself to blame, he had been the one who had taken charge, he had set the pace, tormented his husband with his touch, then used his body roughly to satisfy his own soaring passion, his physical needs demanded that he be taken to the heights that only Robert had ever been able to take him to. He knew that he would ache for days with the feeling that his husband was still inside him.

He didn't know why but Vic's remarks had hit home, they had tapped into his vulnerability where Robert was concerned. Reflecting back on what had just happened between them Aaron had the self awareness to acknowledge to himself that the reason he had ridden Robert so hard was because he had had a primordial need to show Robert that he was his. He had felt the need to redress the balance of power between them, make Robert realise that he wasn't always the boss, that there were time's when Aaron called the tune. He reflected that he had well and truly succeeded. Robert had complied to his every command, given Aaron the power over him to do whatever he wanted.

Aaron marvelled at how his husband could relinquish control to him so easily when in his waking moments he was the ultimate control freak. It was one of the many contradictions his husband had. He was a mess of moods and feelings. Strengths and vulnerabilities. As he looked at his sleeping husband he felt an overpowering feeling of love for his man wash over him.

He settled back into a comfortable position, Robert turned in his sleep. Aaron caught him in his arms and settled Robert so he was cradled in his arms. He softly kissed his husband head with all the tenderness he possessed and closed his eyes, sleep finally beckoning him.


	16. The walls come tumbling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron face problems in their marriage. Oct/Nov 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been the hardest chapter to write to date, I was even upsetting myself when I was writing it. Sorry but its one for the hankies. But to be fair this wouldn't be a Robron fiction without some heartache and angst, it makes it even better when the happy ending comes along.

Robert slowly came awake. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to confirm by sight what he already knew. That the coolness on Aaron's side of the bed meant that his husband was no longer there beside him. Aaron had taken to getting up each morning before him and then leaving for work to avoid him. The emptiness of the bed mirrored the emptiness he felt inside.

Aaron's absence caused Robert's stomach to twist into knots, he was struggling to cope with the fall out of their row, sleep has been hard to come by since, his mind restless due to the worry he endured thinking about how to put things right, the evidence of his misery was becoming all to apparent as dark rings circled his eyes and his face was beginning to look gaunt.

Whilst Aaron still permitted him to sleep in their marital bed he had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with him physically, he pointedly turned his back on him, the doing of which made Robert flinch at the unmistakable rejection it inferred, on the few occasions when Robert had reached out to touch him Aaron had snarled at him to leave him alone, that the thought of him touching him made him feel sick to the very stomach. Aaron's words had stung, a verbal slap in the face. Robert had laid there in the dark beside him, consumed in misery, tears silently falling down his cheeks.

As he lay there in bed Robert began to mentally torture himself at how things had gone so wrong. He knew that he had only himself to blame, that it was his deceit that had caused the rift. 

Things had all gone wrong when some of his lies had caught up with him. Aaron had found out that he was still working with Whittaker's. That he had lied about severing all contact. Robert cursed at his bad luck. He had been working on his laptop devising a strategy for the future expansion of Whittaker's to cover the new contracts that he knew were coming up when Liv had tripped down the last few rungs of the stairs. Robert had immediately rushed to her aid, helping her up and manoeuvring her to the sofa when Aaron had come home for lunch. Robert explained what had happened and Aaron had gone to the kitchen to get Liv some ice and wrap it into a tea towel to form a makeshift compress when he had glanced over at the laptop. Robert noticing where his husband's was looking had in vain got up and tried to close the laptop down but he was to late. Aaron had seen everything.

Aaron's blood had run cold when his brain processed what the data on the screen represented, it meant that his husband despite telling him to the contrary was without doubt still working for Whittaker's. The company that were driving Jimmy's haulage company Home James out of business. 

A full scale row had erupted between Aaron and Robert with Liv stranded helplessly on the sofa listening to them tear each other apart.

It was Aaron that had done the majority of the shouting. He hated the fact that Robert was helping somebody like Robbie Merrick, the owner of Whittaker's, a man who he irrationally hated, to destroy a neighbour's livelihood. He had made it clear in no uncertain circumstances how disgusted he was with Robert, that his deceit sicken him. 

As the implications of Robert's working for Whittaker's had sunk further into Aaron's brain, he realised that if Robert was still hand in glove with Whittaker's it meant that he had likely been instrumental in ruining Jimmy's business, that he would have helped Whittaker's to poach all Jimmy's clients by giving them inside information on all of their contracts, especially the one that he had set up himself when he had owned half the company.

Aaron went one step further in his theories, he knew Robert to well to think that he would have done what he did for nothing. there was no doubt in his mind that Robert would have been paid handsomely for his treachery, money that he realised could more than likely have been used to spoil him rotten with that fancy holiday in Mauritius. It had left Aaron with a very bitter taste in his mouth. 

Robert had let Aaron have his say before eventually fighting back. He had been stung by the viciousness of Aaron's constant denouncements and lost his temper in return. He told Aaron that it was Jimmy's fault he was losing his company, he was messing the business up by his failure to keep the clients happy and provide a good service. Robert had then unwisely followed it up by saying Aaron shouldn't waste any sympathy on Jimmy, how was it that he had forgotten that Nicola had cheated him out of his half of the company and then Jimmy had let her sack him when he was recovering from being serious ill. All in all Jimmy and Nicola had reaped what they had sown by double crossing him. Aaron seeing how unrepentant his husband was had lost it big time, his temper ignited and before he could stop himself he had dealt Robert a thunderous slap across the face to shut him up.

After the slap they had both stood stone still and stared at each other. Aaron still in the grips of his fury, glaring angrily at his husband. Robert to shocked to speak, the pain of the blow causing his cheek to throb. 

Aaron had been the first to react to the flare up between them, he had roughly pushed past Robert, grabbed his coat and stormed out of the door, leaving Robert standing forlornly in the middle of the kitchen, his brain frozen and unable to process what had just transpired. 

It was Liv that had brought Robert back to reality, he could hear her crying on the sofa. Another victim of their fallout. Robert had gone and comforted her the best he could, but he had baulked when he saw the disappointment in her eyes. It wasn't just Aaron that had judged him and found him wanting.

Robert knew that something had to give, that they couldn't go on the way they were but he was apprehensive about asking Aaron for the talk they so desperately needed. He knew that he would have to find the courage soon for Seb's sake, the poor little mite had picked up on the tension between them and was unhappy and fractious as a result. Any thoughts he had had about telling Aaron he was Robbie Merrick would have to be well and truly be abandoned for the time being. His marriage was hanging by a thread and he knew beyond all doubt that that revelation would be the final straw at this moment in time, that it would cause then to crash and burn. 

As he lay in bed pondering how it had come to this he felt crushed, the despair permeating every pore of his body. They had had a magical holiday in Mauritius, it had been as close to perfection as either of them could have dreamt possible, each day had started with them making love, just like they had ended their evenings, their passion for each other insatiable, at times heart stopping tenderness where they would kiss and caress each other with infinite care, their bodies aching with release but both of them postponing the moment until they made love, wanting to make the pleasure last as long as they could and then there were the times at the opposite end of the spectrum where only hard brutal lust would satisfy them, they had needed to devour each other to sate their desires, a battle of wills for dominance that had left them battered and bruised. 

The villa had lived up to it hype, the ambient of their surroundings had infused them with a feeling of complete tranquility, once they had dragged themselves out of bed their days were a mixture of sunbathing with light hearted chatter and the joys of the ocean where they had swam in the warm waters and dived amongst the corals. Leisurely meals in the evening as the sun set had been a perfect backdrop to them winding down for the day. Even the arrival of Liv and Seb for the third week hadn't ruined their mood, the warmth of having their family around them had negated the lack of privacy they had relinquished. They had hardly been back home for long before Aaron had then whisked them away for the long weekend he had planned in Barcelona to celebrate their second wedding anniversary. 

Robert finally found the strength to move, to get out of bed, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and found to his surprise that his hand came away wet, he hadn't realised that he had been crying, that the tears had been steadily falling down his cheeks as he reminisced about happier days. He fought the urge to just curl up in bed and let his misery engulf him but he willed himself to get up. He headed for the en suite to prepare himself for the day. Robert sadly reflected on what that day would hold for him. He had a meeting in the morning that would take him up to lunch time. Then he planned on taking Freddie, the only one at the Mill who still had any time for him for a long walk, that was the afternoon filled. Then he would have to face another evening of crushing loneliness with only Freddie for company, Liv had started to spend most evenings with Gabby or Jacob and Aaron after he had ate the dinner that Robert still cooked for him would go the pub and leave him to his own devices.

Aaron's attitude towards him had soon been mirrored by his family. Seeing that Aaron was upset with his husband had automatically meant that they assumed that he was to blame. His mother-in-law Chas had given him hell, asking him what he had done to wind her son up the way he had. Robert had refused to answer, told her to speak to Aaron. When she had replied that Aaron was saying nothing then he had just shrugged his shoulders and refused to say anything much to her annoyance. Robert was sick of the way she always poked her nose in.

As a result of the disapproving looks and snide comments he had to endure from the Dingle clan, plus Vic and Diane also siding with them, they were always quick to blame him for everything, no questions asked, Robert had felt like the whole world was against him, he had stopped going to the pub and cafe, in fact he rarely ventured out into the village anymore other than to walk Freddie, then he usually drove out of the village first and parked up so he could avoid everybody. The only time he felt comfortable anymore was in the company of his mother's family. When Aaron was out he talked to Harry on the phone or sometimes just got in his car and met him for a pint. Harry had urged him to come clean with Aaron but Robert had baulked at the advice, he didn't have the courage to face the potential fallout in the battered mental state he was in. 

All in all everything was a mess, Robert despaired about how he could ever make things right. He blamed himself, it was his deceit and lies that had led him to where he was now, he had screwed up as usual just like he always did. The perpetual disappointment. 

..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert got into his car to drive home. The meeting had dragged on, he had had to force himself to focus on the matters at hand. He knew that he had managed to wing it but he felt he had not been as professional as he should be. The company he had visited were paying him a lot of money for his advice. He knew things couldn't continue the way they were, he had to sort things out, resolve matters with Aaron once and for all.

Before he started off for home he checked his phone. Normally in more cordial times he would see text from Aaron, they were always messaging each other, but as had become the norm lately there was nothing. The silence he endured at home was replicated on all platforms. He noticed that here was a message from his brother Tommy to call him asap. He press call and Tommy had answered immediately. Could he come to Whittaker's like now, Harry was in a bad way. 

Robert started the car and headed over to Whittaker's post-haste, any thoughts of what Aaron would think didn't even enter his head. His nephew needed him and he was going to be there for him no matter what.

When Robert got to Whittaker's he walked to Tommy's office and saw that Harry was there with him. Harry's eyes were red. His face a picture of abject misery. Robert went over to Harry and sat next to him on the sofa in the corner of the office. He put his arms around Harry and pulled him into a hug. Harry was resistant at first but then he succumbed to his needs for comfort and settled into Robert's arms. Harry finally let go of his pent up emotions, he broke down and cried, the pain in him finally finding a release

Robert held Harry tight until his sobs subsided. Once he was cried out Robert began to talk to him, offering soft words of comfort. "I know that today is one of those days that will never be ok, that its always going to hurt but I promise you that I will take care of you as much as it is humanly possible. I've got you". 

Robert paused before continuing. "Now I think the best thing I can do for you is to take you home now".

Harry stayed nestled in Robert's arms. Whilst he was stronger and more powerful that Robert would ever be he took comfort in his uncle's embrace, felt a sense of peace that he had found a safe haven where nothing could ever harm him. He had a fleeting thought that his is how Aaron must feel and envied him. "I'm sorry".

Robert tightened his hold on Harry. "You have nothing to be sorry about. There was no way that this was going to be a good day. You should have stayed at home like we told you to".

Harry was in no mood to agree. "What would have been the point? At least here I had something to do, take my mind of Ollie".

Robert replied "How did that work then?".

Harry pulled away from Robert and wiped his eyes, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue and blew his nose. Robert mused to himself that his nephew hadn't got the same disgusting habit as his husband had and used his sleeve.

Once Harry had tided himself up a bit he replied. "I was doing ok until one of the women in the booking office stated talking about her little boy Oliver and how well he was doing at school. It just hit me then that my little boy would never get to go to school, never get to...".

Harry stopped, the emotion getting to him once again. He angrily wiped away the fresh tears that had sprung to his eyes.

Robert looked at Harry, compassion radiating from his eyes. He gently caressed Harry's hand. Conveying all the love and support he could in that small gesture.

Harry felt his grip on his emotions begin to falter. He forced himself by strength of will alone to get himself under control once more. "I miss him so much. There's this hole in my heart that never gets to be filled ever again. I'd sell my soul just to have one more moment with my wee lad, just one more cuddle".

Robert found himself welling up. He shuddered with the horror of what it would be like if he lost Seb. He didn't think that he would be strong enough to cope. That it would be the thing that would finally destroy him. His little boy was his world, the love he had for his child was like nothing he had every experienced before. He reflected how there were different kinds of love, the love you had for that special person you shared your life with, the love for a child and then the love for family and friends. All equally valid and strong but in different ways. 

Robert tried to soothe Harry the best he could. "My godson was such a bonnie little boy, he was so cute and adorable. It so damned unfair what happened to him".

"Aye it was. You know your Seb has a look of him. He's a smashing lad, your little boy, don't you ever let go of him, you keep safe by your side".

Robert felt the tears that had threatened begin to form in his eyes, then slowly trickle down his face. 

"Look what I've done now, I've made you cry to".

Robert used the palms of his hands to wipe the tears away. "It's ok".

Robert paused for a moment to get himself under control once more, he made a snap decision to alter his plans for the afternoon, he decided it was high time that Aaron or Liv took responsibility for the dog for once, they had been the ones after all that had got him against his advice and then gradually relinquished the responsibility of caring for him to him just as he had predicted they would. He sent a quick abrupt text to Aaron and Liv saying his meeting was going to overrun until late afternoon and Freddie would need a walk before it got dark, sort it out between themselves. Once he had finished his text his attention turned back to Harry. "Look, I'm going to take you home now, back to Leeds and then we can spend the afternoon together".

Harry was grateful. He needed his uncle. At the beginning of their relationship it was Harry that had been the strong one, when they had first met all those years ago at Durham University he had made it his mission to take care of Robert, help that broken boy mend his shattered life and learn to live with the horrors that had befallen him, to have the courage to move forward and make something of his life against all the odds stacked against him. 

Harry had a sense of pride at how Robert had blossomed, come back to life. He had been delighted when Robert had turned out to be family, had loved bringing him home to meet his long lost dead mother's relatives. He had taken enormous gratification in seeing that broken and lonely boy finding solace in his rediscovered family, seeing him get the love and support that his own father had denied him. 

Harry reflected that in recent years thing had changed, it had been Robert's turn to be the strong one and he had excelled at it, come through with flying colours. Harry knew that without his uncle support that his life in prison would have been very bleak. It was Robert's money that had provided the best legal support at his trial, led to him getting the best sentence he could have realistically have hoped for and then visited him regularly, giving him comfort and support without fail. 

Before they left Robert went to see Tommy and told him to make the offer to Jimmy King he had proposed the other day in an email he had sent him. Tommy had argued against Robert's generosity, stated there was no need for him to do anything of the kind, that they could pick up the assets of the company for a fraction of the price when it went into liquidation and they could get a much better person to be their new transport manager. But Robert had insisted Tommy did as he said and as he was the majority shareholder he has won the day.

..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron heard his phone bleep. He looked at it and saw it was a text from Robert telling him he was going to be tied up in a meeting all afternoon and then commanding him to walk the dog. It put his back up big time. He was still angry with Robert. Still disgusted by what he had done to Jimmy. Aaron had been finding it increasing hard to look Jimmy in the eye, knowing the part that his husband had played in his company's demise. Whilst the company wasn't technically finished, it had yet to be wound up, it was in its death throws with no chance of the kiss of life to save it. 

Aaron had been in the Porto Cabin this morning when the first of the vultures that had been circling Home James had turned up. Kim Tate had just walked through the door without knocking and ignoring Aaron's presence, as if he was invisible and beneath her contempt had offered to buy the haulage company and it assets at a ridiculously low price. Aaron saw first hand how Jimmy had tried to maintain his dignity, his sense of pride had made him reject the offer outright but Aaron knew that beggar's couldn't be choosers and that the next time she came knocking Jimmy out of desperation would take whatever was still on offer. He felt humiliated on Jimmy's behalf. It was moments like the one he had just witnessed that made Aaron genuinely dislike Robert at times, his husband had a bad habit of carelessly hurting people with his schemes, he recklessly never truly thought of the consequences his actions would have on others and it was them that ended up paying the price. He was a side of his husband that he was deeply uneasy about.

Aaron's phone rang. It was a call from Billy telling him that the truck had broken down on the way to those posh flats in Leeds where he was due to pick up the latest consignment of scrap. Aaron had cursed. He told Billy to call Cain for a tow back to the garage. He went into the yard and told Ellis that they needed to go to Leeds asap. 

.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron and Ellis arrived at the flats. They got out of the truck. Aaron looked around at all the posh cars in the car park, thinking how the other half lived when his attention was caught by a Porsche driving into one of the parking spaces, a Porsche that he knew all to well. He looked on as Robert and a tall ginger haired man got out of the car. He saw Robert go over to the man and put his hand on the man's shoulder, then to Aaron's horror he watched as Robert pulled him in for a hug that seem to last for an eternity. Aaron felt his heart being to tear seeing Robert holding another man in his arms, he watched frozen to the spot as Robert drew back and seemed to caress the man's face with one of his hands. The intimacy of gesture made Aaron jump to conclusions, in his mind there could be no other explanation, Robert was cheating on him. 

Ellis was talking to Aaron but his words were ignored, he looked over at Aaron and saw that his gaze was fixed over at the car park. He looked in the same direction and clocked Robert with another man. He jumped to the same conclusion as Aaron. "Why of all the cheating toe rags, look at him, over all that bloke".

Aaron was startled out of his misery. He looked at Ellis, he tried to focus on his face but his eyes were full of tears. He looked back at Robert and saw that he and the man had gone, he quickly spotted them again going into the building.

A part of Aaron wanted to confront Robert and the unknown man but he found that his legs wouldn't move, he was rooted to the spot. In that moment he felt utterly defeated, his heart shattering into a million pieces.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert made his way to the penthouse with Harry. He had been oblivious to Aaron's presence.

Just as he got through the door to his flat his phone bleeped and he saw a text from Aaron asking him how long he was going to be, when the meeting would finish. Robert had text back and told him that the meeting could be going on much longer than he had expected. That Aaron should not expect him back until late and that it would be best if he had his tea at the Woolpack.

Robert went to the kitchen and made him and Harry a brew. They sat down on the sofa's overlooking the gardens.

Harry sipped his tea, he felt calmer now. A part of him felt foolish, breaking down the way he had at work but Robert had quickly disabused him of that notion, saying that he should never for one moment beat himself up about it, grieving over a lost child wasn't something that he should ever apologise for, it would have been stranger if he hadn't.

Robert sensing that Harry wanted to move their conversation towards neutral grounds, began to chat to him about mutual friends to help distract him for a while, offer him some respite from his heart wrench grief on the anniversary of his son's death. Harry knew what he was doing and felt an overwhelming love for his uncle. He was under no allusion that his uncle was perfect, he knew he had his flaws like all humans did but he saw the good in him as well, that wonderful kindness he possessed that he bestowed on all those who he loved and the lengths he would go to protect them. He knew that he and their close friends saw the Robert that was hidden from public view, especially in that Godforsaken village he lived in and felt sad that those people never saw the real Robert, that he was never valued and respected the way he deserved to be. He thought not for the first time today just how lucky Aaron was.

Seeing the effort his uncle was going to, to make this most difficult of days as bearable as was humanly possible Harry felt it was only fair to try and help Robert in return. He knew that Robert was struggling at home, that he was in hot water with Aaron over Whittaker's and he tried to offer his support. Harry didn't approve of Robert's choice of husband but he nevertheless wanted him to be happy. "So how are things going at home, any thaw yet?"

Robert shook his head. "Still pretty arctic".

"So what are you going to do?".

"Well I told Tommy to offer that deal to Jimmy, if Aaron sees that Jimmy is going to be all right he might start to relent a bit, see that I haven't done any lasting damage to Jimmy's well being",

Harry wasn't convinced Robert was doing the right thing. "That one hell of a peace offering. Its far to generous, you didn't need to go that far. In truth I can't see you doing that in any other circumstances. People will think you are losing your marbles being so soft".

"Very PC".

"Well you know what I mean. What happened was just business, its not like you were doing anything wrong. Survival of the fittest and all that".

"Well it was the best ice breaker I could think of. Aaron is still in no mood to cut me any slack. There are times when I think he hates me, thinks I'm every bit as despicable as my dad believed me to be".

"I'm not surprised to hear you say that. Every time you do something that those self righteous hypercritical lot in Emmerdale disapprove of you beat yourself up about it, remember all the crap that your dad put in your head about you being a bad person and a disappointment. That man was a total asshole and it about time that you banished his voice in your head forever. That man was blind where you were concerned. He had a wonderful son and he was to stupid to see it.

Robert raised his eyebrows at the vehement nature of Harry's comments.

Harry was in no mood to back down. "I'm not apologising for stating the absolute truth".

The last thing that Robert wanted to do was talk about his dad so he tried to steer Harry away from that topic. "Truth or not, its not helping me with Aaron, I don't know what to do for the best. I have come up with various options but each one could lead to potential disaster".

"There is one option that you could try, Tell him the truth Mr Merrick".

Robert was aghast. "Are you trying to get me lynched. Aaron hates Robbie Merrick. You should hear him when he's in full flow about his shortcomings and what he perceives him to represent, ".

Harry was reflective. "Sounds to me like you're well and truly buggered, damned if you do, damned if you don't".

Robert shook his head at Harry. "Inappropriate choice of words and totally unhelpful to boot".

"Look, you are the one that knows Aaron best. But in my opinion you need to sit him down once and for all and really talk. Take him back to the beginning when you changed your name to Robbie Merrick and tell him why..."

Robert interrupted. "I can't..."

Harry talked over him. "You can. You need to let him understand why you have kept all this from him, let him see into your soul".

Robert was horrified at the suggestion. "You don't know what your asking".

"I do laddie, I do and I don't image for one minute that it will be easy but if you love this man the way you say you do then I can't see how you can truly be as one until he gets to see the whole of you not just the parts you chose to let him see". 

Harry's exasperation finally won out and he added the next sentence more forcefully. "For God sake Robbie let him and everybody else in the bloody horrible village finally see the swan, that bloody beautiful swan in all it magnificent glory".

Robert was saved from answering when Tommy walked through the door back from work. He went over and sat with them. He told Robert that Jimmy King was coming to see him first thing in the morning, that he had outlined the basics of the deal and had been met with a very favourable response, he remarked that Jimmy had literally bit his arm off when he heard the terms.

The three of them chatted for a while until Robert glanced at this watch, saw to his horror what the time was, said shit Aaron would be doing his nut and left post-haste. 

As Robert drove home he reflected on the advice that Harry had given him regarding Aaron and decided at long last that he would follow it. Aaron deserved the truth. He wasn't confident what the outcome would be, whether Aaron would be able to forgive him but he was so tired with living on eggshells. He knew that it was only a matter of time before fate intervened and Aaron found out the truth by chance so far better that he be upfront before it was to late and beyond fixing.

Robert nodded to himself. Yes it was better to upfront and face the music before the chance was taken out of his hands.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron sat alone on the sofa at home. He had had hours to mull over what he had seen. He had become obsessed as to who the ginger haired man was. He had gone on to his laptop to see if he could find out who lived in those posh flats. 

He had searched for a while until he had hit on a website that listed residents of properties for a fee. He paid his money and set about looking for a name that might ring any bells. Aaron's blood ran cold. The owner of one of the penthouses was a certain Robbie Merrick.

Deep down, despite Robert's constant assurances he had know it would end like this, that the lure of money would seduce Robert back to his dark ways. 

A man like Robbie Merrick would just take what he wanted and his husband would be easily seduced by his money and his power. It wouldn't have taken much to lure him into his bed.

Aaron felt the anger begin to swell inside him, it turned into a dark all consuming rage as he conjured up every worst possible scenario he could possibly conceive, imaging Robert in bed with that man. At that moment in time when he was no longer capable of rational thought he truly hated Robert, hated him for making him believe that he would love him forever, making him believe that he had been special, telling him he was the love of his life and there would never be anybody else. It was clear to him at that moment that he couldn't have meant a single word of what he had said to him if he had fallen into another man's arms so easily when money are dangled under his nose.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert walked into the flat. Aaron was sat on the sofa, an array of cans surrounding him. He had a strange expression on his face. As Aaron spoke to him, Robert thought that his voice seemed off as well. "Where have you been?".

Robert tried to deflect Aaron so he wouldn't have to lie to him about where he had been. "I sent you a text this morning. Didn't you read it?".

"That was 7 hours ago. For a meeting that was meant to last a couple of hours it seems strange that you are this late. So I am asking you again where have you been?".

Robert went to the kitchen to put the kettle on to make them a brew. He knew that he was deliberately delaying answering Aaron's question. He felt uneasy at the tone Aaron used. Something was definitely wrong. He turned round to look at Aaron only to start when he found that Aaron was right behind him. "God, you made me jump, I didn't hear you move".

Aaron raised his voice. "You haven't answered my question. Where have you been?".

Robert saw the red hot anger in Aaron's eyes, a shiver ran down his spine. He began to feel afraid, he had never seen his husband this angry before. "What's got into you, why are you being like this. You've hardly given a damn about me the last few days, why are you so bothered now where I have been?".

Aaron yelled at Robert. "You really want to know what's bothering me. How about me being married to a lying, cheating, scumbag".

Robert was speechless. He managed to gasp "What?"

Aaron shouted at the top of his voice. "You heard. You are a lying, cheating scumbag and I hate you".

Before Robert could reply Aaron's temper finally ignited. He lashed out and punched Robert in the face, the force of the blow sent Robert sprawling on the kitchen floor. His head hit the floor hard, leaving him dizzy and disorientated. He tried to claw his way back onto his feet but his brain struggled to get his body to obey. Before he could fully comprehend what was happening Robert felt a searing pain in his stomach as Aaron kicked him, the kick so hard it took his breathe away. Aaron couldn't stop, once he had started he began to rain blow after blow onto his defenseless husband. Robert was in agony, the pain so intense that it mercifully blacked out.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert slowly regained consciousness, he was a helpless bloody mess. He tried to raise himself from the kitchen floor but the movement caused him to cry out in agony as pain seared through every part of his body. 

Robert looked up and saw Aaron sitting at the kitchen table, watching him. He was consumed with terror, frightened what his husband would do to him next. He tried to crawl away from Aaron as he walked towards him but he was to badly hurt to move far.

Aaron lent down and grabbed Robert by the hair, forcing his face close to his. Robert quivered at the hatred he saw in his husband's eyes. Aaron spoke to him through gritted teeth. "This is what is going to happen. I am going out for a couple of hours, when I get back you need to be gone. You take your bastard and that bloody dog and you get out of my life and you never come back. If I ever see you again I will kill you, you got that?".

Robert started to cry. "No, please don't say that, please I beg you, What have I done to make you hurt me like this, I don't understand, Oh God Aaron please talk to me...".

Aaron let go of Robert head and it hit the floor once more. He turned his back on his husband and walked away. Just as he reached the door he turned round and spoke to Robert again. "I meant what I said, you have two hours to get out or I will kill you if you are not gone" With that final remark Aaron left.

Robert laid on the floor and sobbed. He tried to move but the pain it caused him was unbearable and he blacked out once more. When he came to he somehow managed to retrieve his phone from his pocket and dialed Harry's number. He managed to gasp out instructions to Harry for him and Tommy to come immediately and pick him up from the Mill before he passed out again.

Robert could hear voices, he felt somebody press a cold cloth to his head. His eyes fluttered open and he saw Harry and Tommy looking at him. He didn't know how long they had been there. Robert managed to drag words out through the haze of pain he was in, he told them that he needed to get out of the Mill, told them to go upstairs and fetch Seb and pack him some clothes and toys, must have teddy and giraffe, get the dog, get his laptop and drive the Porsche to Leeds before he passed out again.

Harry cautiously examined Robert, checking to make sure that it was safe to move him before he and Tommy gently lifted him up. Robert screamed in agony. They gently put him down for a while and then tried again until they eventually managed to get him into Tommy's car. Robert blacked out when they strapped him into the back seat. 

Harry went back into the Mill, went upstairs and located Seb fast asleep in his bed. He gently picked him up and brought him downstairs, leaving him on the sofa. As luck would have it Tommy located a car seat next to the door and fitted it in his car next to Robert. He picked up the sleeping child and strapped him in next to his dad who looked like he was coming to again. 

Tommy and Harry managed to locate some bin bags and went upstairs and took as many of Seb's toys and clothes as they could manage. He found the laptop and put it in with Seb's things.

They located the dog by his howls. He had been locked up in the downstairs bathroom, his piercing wails seem to capture the heartbreaking scenario that they had walked into. Harry picked him up and took him to the Porsche securing him in the front seat. He gave Tommy the keys they had located in Robert's pocket and told him to drive back to Leeds. 

Harry went to Tommy's car and saw that Robert was beckoning to him. He went round to see him. Robert grasped Harry's sleeve. His last words before he passed out again were promise me you will not call the police, if anybody asks I was mugged.

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert came to in hospital. As soon as he woke pain torn through him in waves and he groaned out loud. Harry, who had been dozing in a nearby chair instantly came to, alerted by the sound. 

Robert looked around him, confusion registering on his face as he surveyed his surroundings, in his befuddled state it took him time to remember the horror of last night. Harry pulled his chair closer and took hold of one of Robert's hands. The pity showing on his face was Robert's undoing. The tears began to flow. Harry moved and sat on the bed and gently with the upmost tenderness pulled Robert into his arms, mindful of the myriad of bruises that dotted his torso. Robert allowed himself to nestle in the safety of Harry's arms, seeking refuge from the nightmare that had befallen him. He began to cry in earnest as his mind cleared and reality sank in.

Harry felt devastated as the sobs racked his uncle's slender body. He had never heard and hoped to God he never would again such naked suffering in another human being. The pain emanating from Robert torn at his heart. At that moment in time if he had seen Aaron Sugden-Dingle he would have killed him without hesitation, in fact he was tempted to go out of his way to arrange for it to happen, nobody did this to his uncle and lived to tell the tale. A part of him blamed himself, it was him that had told Robert to come clean, to tell Aaron the truth, he had known that Robert had been reluctant and now it was abundantly clear why, he should have respected his uncle's wishes to leave well alone. 

When Robert had eventually cried himself out Harry gently lowered him back onto the bed. He got some tissues and tenderly wiped his uncle's ravaged face clean. Robert looked broken. Devoid of all hope. Harry racked his brains, trying to think of what words were adequate is this situation but there weren't any, the last thing he wanted to do was cause his uncle any further pain but he needed answers to what had happened and as much as it would hurt it had to be done. He decided that the best option was just to be forthright, meandering around would be more painful in the long run. "So laddie can you tell me what the hell happened".

Robert recoiled at the question, he wasn't ready to face a grilling. He pressed himself into the bed and turned his head away from Harry's inquisitive looks.

Harry wasn't deterred. "You can tell me or if you prefer we can call the police and you can tell them".

"Robert gasped. "You promised you wouldn't call them".

"I, I did, but the deal's off if you don't start talking to me now, right this minute".

"I don't know what happened".

"Are you for real, you've been beaten black and blue, I think it's bloody obvious what has happened, what I want to know is why".

Robert felt himself welling up again. "That's just it I don't really know why".

Robert paused, desperately trying to get his emotions under control. "I got home, Aaron was sitting on the sofa, it looked like he had been drinking heavily, he asked me where I had been, I told him I'd been in a meeting and then all hell broke loose. He kept saying that I was a liar, a cheat and a scumbag and that he hated me. He just lost it, he hit me once and then he couldn't stop...".

Robert couldn't go on. The tears began to fall from his eyes once more. He savagely wiped them away.

Harry was stunned. "So let me get this right. You didn't tell him you were Robbie Merrick".

"I didn't get the chance. I was psyching myself up to tell him and then...."

Robert couldn't continue. He rubbed his hand across his face, wiping the fresh tears away. He felt utterly defeated. It came to him in a rush that to his shame he hadn't enquired about his son. "Where's Seb?".

Harry immediately placated Robert. "He's ok. Marcie is looking after him. The wee lad is confused but for all Marcie's faults she's great with bairns and she managed to settle him. Plus he's got the dog. The wee mite wouldn't leave the laddie's side. Slept with him on the bed all night. Look"

Harry got out his phone and showed Robert the picture that Tommy had sent him that morning. Seb and Freddie cuddled up together in a massive king sized bed.

Robert felt himself falling apart once more.

"Come on laddie, no more tears".

"I can't help it. My whole life been torn apart. What the hell am I going to do?".

Robert began to cry again. Harry once more pulled him into his arms to offer him what scant comfort he could. His own eyes filled with tears, it was heart breaking to see his uncle like this.

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert was settled in the flat in Leeds. After 2 days the hospital had discharged him. They'd insisted on doing a CT scan to make sure that the blow to his head hadn't caused any damage, just on the safe side due to his recent medical history. He'd come back with a clean bill of health. The bruises still caused him pain but the physical hurt was slowly abating more each day. The same could not be said for the pain that had enveloped his heart and left him totally broken without a shred of hope.

During his stay in hospital his phone had run out of battery and it was only when he arrived at the flat that he had charged it up again. 

Robert hadn't thought it possible to feel any worse than he did until he picked up his voice mails and texts, numerous hate filled denouncements from his in-laws including death threats from Chas and Cain if he ever set foot in Emmerdale again. All of them hating on him, ripping him apart, the insults cruel and relentless one after the other. 

The worst had been from Liv, she had ripped into him saying how he had let her down, broken all the promises he had made to her, that she would never forgive him and the most devastating blow of all was that she would hate him until she died. 

His sister Vic and Diane had taken glee is rubbing his nose in it, the standard your dad and Sarah would be so ashamed of you repeated several times to emphasis how disgusted they were at his behaviour. Why can you never be a decent human being, why do you always have to ruin everything as so fought. 

The only glaring omission to the array of hate filled messages was anything from Aaron. From him there was a deathly silence.

Robert had played the messages over and over again, trying desperately to understanding from them what he was he was supposed to have done wrong that had led Aaron to have reacted the way he did, it was an act of pure masochism on his part, torturing himself relentlessly listening to the cruelty of people who had till recently been people that he had regarded as family. Harry had put a stop to it, he had caught him listening to the messages one day and had grabbed the phone off him, he had deleted every one of the hate fueled messages and then got Robert to tell him the names of everybody from Emmerdale who would hate on him and had permanently deleted them from his contact list and he then blocked their numbers to boot.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

After a week, once his body had heeled sufficiently for him to manage to move around without it hurting to much Robert decided to take Freddie for a walk. He was sick of being coped up inside and longed for some fresh air. It was also going to be a plus to get a respite from being fussed over ever 5 minutes by his well meaning family. He also had an ulterior motive.

Whilst he had adhered to his family's wishes and stayed away from Emmerdale and resisted making any contact with any of the villagers there was still some unfinished business that he couldn't walk away from. Aaron. 

Robert had to see him, whether it would be for the last time depended on his husband, but Robert knew he had to try and understand what had happened so he could put things right if it was at all possible. He just couldn't walk away from the man that gave his life meaning, who despite what he had done to him still had his undying love. 

Robert understood why his family never wanted him to have anything more to do with his husband, they had all been for going to the police, determined that Aaron should be punished for what he had done. Tommy and Harry had talked to his sister Sandie and she was fully on board as well. All in all they were a united front. Robert had fought them tooth and nail on the issue of the police, he knew that he couldn't live with himself if he was responsible for sending Aaron to prison, he knew that it would destroy him, he had barely survived the last time. After a lot of persuasion they had agreed to do nothing on the understanding that Robert severed all ties with Aaron. He had pretended to agree with them, knowing deep in his heart he would never be able to let go, that he would move heaven and earth to make things right between them again.

Robert dressed carefully. Looking out of the window he could see that it looked like it was going to be a cold day. It was the only thing about Yorkshire he disliked. The freezing temperatures that bit into his very bones. He put a jacket on Freddie to protect him from the cold and then he was nearly ready to go. All he had left to do was text Aaron and beg him to met him at the Golden Acre Park at 12pm. One last meeting for old times sake.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert sat in the cafe, it was nearly 3pm. He had grow immune to the looks he was getting from the staff. The solitary sad looking man with his dog that just sat there looking out of the windows. Every time Robert had spied somebody that resembled Aaron his hopes had been raised only to be dashed when the person came into focus and he realised it wasn't his husband after all. 

As he sat there growing more and more miserable Robert could not help but recollect that warm August summer's day when he and Aaron had sat in this very same cafe, laughing and joking, how they had took joy in being in each other company. The future had seemed so rosy back then. A complete contrast to the bleakness that he saw laying ahead of him now.

Since he had arrived Robert had left the cafe to make numerous phone calls to Aaron, he was damned if would give the voyeurs the pleasure of hearing his ever desperate and frantic entreaties to his husband, begging him for all he was worth to come and talk to him. At 3.30pm he was told that they were closing up and he needed to leave. 

Robert got up. The closing of the cafe seemed to him like a metaphor about the state of his marriage. It was all over and he had to vacate it forthwith. 

Robert made his way back to the car park. As he walked to his car he admitted to himself what he had know deep down, that once Aaron hadn't shown up within the first 30 minutes that he wasn't going to come. He had however steadfastly held on to the forlorn hope that he would be proved wrong. That was why he had stayed so long at the cafe, kept leaving messages. He knew that by leaving it meant he would have to admit defeat, something that was abhorrent to him. Now though there was nowhere he could hid. The simple and heart rending fact was by not coming Aaron had told him in no uncertain terms that he had lost him forever, that he didn't love him anymore.

To add insult to injury it began to rain. A torrential downpour that soaked him to the bone within minutes. Robert started to shiver in the freezing cold Yorkshire air. Freddie added to the melancholy. He started to whimper as he got wetter and wetter. Robert picked him up and cuddled him tight, trying to soothe him as best hr could. At that moment he would have sold his soul for Aaron to be doing the same for him.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert arrived back at the flat. He did his best to sneak in but he failed miserably. Harry caught up with him before he had barely made it through the door. He took one look at Robert and the bedraggled dog and started to curse. "Where the hell have you been, we have been worried sick, look at the state of you".

Robert just ignored him and made his way up stairs followed by Freddie who shadowed him wherever he went these days. He couldn't face talking to anybody. He just wanted to curl up and die. He went to his bedroom and started to peel off his wet clothes, he was startled as Harry barged into his bedroom. Robert was annoyed. "Do you know what privacy is?".

"Aye".

Robert snapped back at his nephew. "So how about you leaving me alone so I can have some".

"No can do, not until you give me some answers. You've been gone for hours, you've not been answering your phone and you then come home in this state".

Robert walked past him and went to the en suite and started to run a bath. The cold had permutated into his very bones and he desperately wanted to get warm, he was shaking with cold. He poured his signature bath gel into the water and felt something in side him break when he remembered how Aaron loved the scent it left on his body, how he would snuggle up against him to breathe in the aroma. He found that his legs couldn't support him anymore and he sunk to the floor and began to sob.

Harry eventually managed to calm Robert down, then he manhandled him into the bath. He was worried about how cold Robert was. He gradually added more hot water to raise Robert's body temperature until there was some colour in his face again. 

It frightened Harry to see how compliant Robert was being, under normally circumstances he would have raised merry hell at being bathed like a child, he was so fiercely independent but it was like all the fight had been knocked out of him. When he was convinced that Robert's body temperature was back to normal he helped him out of the bath and toweled him dry before bundling him into a bathrobe and putting him to bed, wrapping the duvet tight around him. The dog was at his heels, he looked dejected and wet. Harry cursed as he realised that he had more bathing to do. He looked at Robert and saw that he had curled up on himself, his face buried into the pillows, saw his shoulders heave and knew that he was crying again. Mercifully at that moment Tommy poked his head through the door and he handed the dog over to him to bathe so he could comfort his uncle once more.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert was sat up in bed. His red raw eyes had an aura of complete desolation about them, as if the world had ended for him and all that he had to look forward to was bleak never ending misery. Harry sat beside him on the bed one arm over Robert's shoulders. Harry was fraught with pent up feelings, the agony of seeing Robert in this state ripped at his heart. He surmised that there was only one person who could be responsible for the state his uncle was in. Aaron bloody Sugden bloody Dingle. 

Since coming back Robert had barely said a word. Harry decided he had to get to the bottom of what had transpired, he couldn't fix something if he didn't know what he needed to fix. "So are you ready to tell me now what happened, what's responsible for the state your in?".

Robert felt numb. "I've lost him, lost him forever".

Harry suppressed his anger as his theory was proven true, it was that husband of his that was responsible, just as he thought. You went to meet him didn't you?".

Robert sighed. "That was the intention. I sat and waited for him for hours, I left message after message begging him to come but he didn't show. He just didn't want to see me again..."

Robert paused as the pain overwhelmed him. Now he had put it into words any self delusions he might have harboured were gone, the only thing left was the cold hard reality that his marriage was over.

Harry stayed silent. He realised that Robert didn't want him to say anything at that moment. That he needed to talk.

"I had thought that if I had had a chance to speak to him then I could get to know why he hurt me the way he did, understand what it was that made him act that way. I was going to tell him everything, throw myself at his mercy, beg him to give me another chance. But he never came, never gave me the opportunity to tell him how much I loved and needed him. He truly hates me now and there is nothing that will change that, I know what he's like. He's stubborn and once he's made his mind up about something he digs his heels in and he's dug his heels in regarding me. I'm nothing to him anymore and I never will be again".

Harry tightened his arms around Robert, trying to offer his uncle his strength, make him feel safe and loved to offer him his protection.

Robert continued "I've lost him Harry, I've lost him forever and it hurts, it hurts so much. I don't know how to live without him, how I can face each day alone without him by my side. All I can see is a future filled with pain. For the rest of my life I'll have this emptiness inside me that can never to be filled. He's broke me Harry, he's broken me into a million pieces that can never be put back together".

Robert broke down and began to sob once more. Harry held him tight. Tears falling from his own eyes. His remembered the broken boy he had encountered all those years ago back at Durham University and his heart broke to see Robert back in that dark place once more. The place where his spirit had been crushed and he was an empty shell of a human being. 

Harry waited until Robert had quietened, until he would be receptive to his words. He spoke quietly but there was steel in his voice. "I'll tell you what you are doing to do. You are going to put one foot in front of the other, then you are going to repeat in over and over again until you are walking again. You are not going to give up, I'm not going to let you. I'm not going to promise you a fairy tale ending, that you get to live happy ever after, but as time passes there will be good days again where you can smile and laugh, when there will be more to your life than pain and sorrow".

Harry paused for a moment. Struggling to maintain his composure. "You are going to live, if not for yourself then for that wee bairn of yours. He's lost his mum and you owe it to him not to let him lose his dad, remember that promise you made to him when he was born, that you would be the best dad you could be to him and that you would never let him down, that you would be a dad he could be proud of. You are going to keep that promise. So you don't get to quit, because when it comes down to it your Robbie bloody Merrick and he never gives in, its not in his DNA".

Robert started to cry again. The sound tore through Harry's heart once more but he held firm. He was going to be there for Robert. He was going to help him uncle rebuild his shattered life.

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert got up, he felt dreadful. Two weeks had passed since he had tried to meet Aaron and since then he had been holding on by a thread. Harry had been true to his word, he been there for him day and night, giving him strength when he had none. He had put on a brave face for Seb, his little boy but it have been the hardest thing he had ever done, pretending to be happy when his heart was ripped to pieces. The loneliness he felt seared him to his very soul. It hadn't helped that he was full of cold. He was struggling to shake it off, it seemed to be getting worse not better. His breathing had become more laboured and one minute he felt hot, then he felt stone cold. Harry had been nagging him for days to go and see the doctor. Things came to ahead when Robert had collapsed with a coughing fit. Since Robert had refused to go to the doctors with a cold Harry had circumvented him and got a doctor to come and see him. 

Robert had reluctantly agreed to let the doctor examine him, he knew that he was being stupid but he had a mordant fear of the medical profession now, he had never got over the shock of being told he had a brain tumour and how it had sent his world crashing down around him plus he had spent to much time in hospitals that he had developed an aversion to them. The doctor had examined him. Harry had looked on, his trepidation increasing as he noticed the subtle changes in the doctor's demeanour. 

The doctor's diagnosis caused Harry's heart to sink. Pneumonia.


	17. The shutters fall from Aaron's eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron finally learns the truth about who Robert is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers the time from the split up in late Oct 2020 till just before Christmas 2020

Robert was snuggled up in bed fast asleep. He was still as weak as a kitten. Whilst he was finally free of pneumonia his latest illness had taken its toll on his health and he was still exhausted most of the time, just completing his morning routine took an eternity and walking around the flat tired him out. All in all he was still along way from regaining back his health to what it had been like over 2 months ago before his life had been ruined beyond repair.

Harry knocked on Robert's bedroom door and without waiting for an answer headed inside with a breakfast tray. He looked at his uncle lying in bed, still asleep despite his knock and felt a pang of sadness tear at his heart as he looked at him in repose. Robert looked so frail, his face was gaunt, the skin stretched over his bones and there were dark circles under his eyes, his ill health all to evident. 

Harry had to take a deep breathe as he felt himself begin to lose control of his composure as his mind went back to those dark days when Robert had so nearly lost his battle for life. It has been such a close run thing and it had hit him hard as he had helplessly sat by his uncle bedside, willing him with every fibre of his being to fight for his life, to keep taking one more breathe. 

It had brought back painfully memories for Harry of an earlier bedside vigil over 6 years ago when he had sat by his son's bedside, watching his little boy in the grips of meningitis fighting for his life, willing him to survive, only to have his heart broken when Ollie had succumbed to the deadly disease.

Harry wondered why life had to be so cruel. Losing Ollie had been the catalyst for his life imploding, with prison following so soon afterwards and then history had cruelly repeated itself all these years later, only this time it had been his uncle not his son who he had watched in the same desperate fight for life.

Harry had steadfastly refused to leave his uncle's bedside, he had watched as Robert had fought for breathe as the pneumonia tightened it deadly grip on him. He and the rest of their mutual family had despaired as the ever changing cocktails of antibiotics they were pumping into Robert failed to make any inroads in fighting the infection. It had got so bad they had ended up putting him on a ventilator and worst was to follow as they had to drain fluid from his lungs. Things has deteriorated to the point that the doctors had told them to prepare for the worse, that the crisis point was close and that it was highly unlikely that Robert wouldn't survive.

But against all the odds Robert had survived. At the last minute the latest batch of antibiotics had began to work and he had slowly been drawn back from the abyss. Whether his uncle was pleased about it was another matter. Harry wondered whether Robert had he been given the choice would have preferred to die, to finally find the peace of mind that he craved. Harry knew that since Aaron had so brutally and cruelly ripped Robert's life apart ending their marriage his uncle had been in turmoil. He had been so broken and unhappy, crying himself to sleep night after night. 

Harry reflected that from the moment he was born Robert had suffered loss after loss. First it had been his mother when he was a few months old, then his brother when he was 3, a much loved uncle at 8 and then his adoptive mum at 14. But in Harry's opinion what had been the final straw, what had broken him the most had been his father's rejection of him at 19. 

In Harry's opinion, against all logical reason, Robert had truly loved his father, a man that had constantly hurt him both emotionally and physical for the later part of his childhood. When his father had told him to leave Emmerdale and never come back when he was just 19 he had broken Robert's heart. If life hadn't been cruel enough already it had heaped more misery on this uncle when just within a few months into his exile he had been brutally raped and almost beaten to death. When he had needed his father more than he had ever needed him after what had happened he had once more been cruelly rejected and abandon to his plight by a man that hadn't given a damn about him.

Robert's dad dying when he was 23 was another blow. Robert never got the reconciliation he needed, never got answers to the questions that plagued him. The need he had to understand why his father couldn't and wouldn't love him, why he had hated him so much. Why he had been so cruel to him when he had needed him the most.

Harry mused that Robert had eventually found the happiness that he craved when he had met Jamie when he was 21. But fate had refused to relinquish it cruel grip on him and at 27 Jamie was dead, dying in Robert's arms from a drug overdose.

Harry looked down again at his sleeping uncle. Apart of him was loathe to wake him, wanted to let him have a few more moments before reality would set in once more. Where he had to face another day battling his ill health and heartache at losing his husband. Harry wondered what perverse god had made Robert continue against all logic to love people who treated him so badly. After what Aaron had done to him he should hate him but Harry suspected deep down that Robert would have him back in a heartbeat.

Harry gently shook his uncle awake. Robert turned over fighting against opening his eyes. When Harry shook him again, he reluctantly realised he was not going to be left alone and wearily opened his eyes. He felt the exhaustion hit him as soon as he woke, he seemed to ache all over.

Robert knew that he was facing a long battle to regain his health. This latest bout of pneumonia had left scarring on both lungs and he had been told that he would never regain the fitness he once had before. The Doctor had come up with the bright idea of telling him that in future he should stick to half marathons not full marathons. When Robert remarked that it wouldn't be a problem as he hated running anyway he had earned a stiff rebuke from Harry that he should not be so flippant about his health.

Harry's voice cut through Robert's drowsiness. "Come on sleepy head, it time to rise and shine, it's another day"

In that fleeting moment Robert genuinely hated Harry and what seemed like his never ending determination to drag him back to life. He snapped back a reply. "Is it. I'm still really tired and I want to sleep a bit longer. So go away and leave me alone".

Harry looked at Robert sternly. "You know that was rude".

Before Robert could think of a response Harry added in a reproving tone. "Has anybody ever told you that you are a shite patient?".

Robert squirmed. "It might have been mentioned from time to time".

Harry decided not to mince his words. "I wonder why? Could it be that despite everybody waiting on you hand and foot, being solicitous as to your well being, taking care of your son and constantly having to walk that fiend from hell, you are rude, ungrateful and go out of you way to be as bloody difficult as you can at every opportunity".

Robert was speechless. 

Harry growled. "Nothing to say in your defence?".

Robert sniffed. "I think you are being a bit harsh".

"Oh, you do, do you. If that's the case why don't you go out of your way to prove me wrong. How about for starters you sit up and make an effort to eat some of the breakfast that I have gone out of my way to prepare for you without pushing it around the plate and turning your nose up at it".

Robert felt himself start to smart at Harry's bedside manner but seeing the look on his nephew face he decided to tow the line and bit back the retort he had on the tip of his tongue. Robert took a sip of coffee and he found it slowly begin to work its magic as it made it slightly easier for him to breathe. He managed to eat some of the yogurt that Harry had liberally dosed with honey before he felt sick and had to stop. He tired to appease Harry before he got a lecture about not eating much. "I'm sorry, it just that food makes me what to heave at the moment".

Harry was mollified that Robert had made the effort to eat something. "Leave it be for a while. You can always try to eat some more later. Try some orange juice instead". Robert did as he was told.

When he had finished drinking Robert felt Harry deserved an apology. "Look I'm sorry if I have appeared ungrateful, deep down I do appreciate what you are all doing for me it's just that I am lousy at being ill, I hate feeling helpless all the time. First it was the brain tumour and now this...".

Robert started to cough. When he had finished he was wiped out. Harry looked on concerned. He handed Robert another cup of coffee which he gratefully took and he slowly began to sip the warm drink. The coffee soothed his airways, helping him to breathe more freely again and he started to feel a little bit better once more as the caffeine soothed his lungs.

Harry felt wretched watching his uncle struggle, he hated seeing him so helpless. He wished he could make Robert better but he knew that it was impossible, it was only something that time could do. Seeing how deathly pale Robert looked this morning, Harry made a decision as to what he thought would be for the best. "Seeing that you're struggling this morning I think that the best thing you can do is stay in bed for the day, get loads of rest and drink lots of fluids".

Robert looked nervously at Harry. He had planned to make a concerted effort today to get up and go out. He was under no illusion that it was foolhardy but he was determined to try at the very least for Seb's sake. He knew that Seb had had a rotten time since he and Aaron had split up and last night when Seb had been chatting about Santa and would he be visiting Hotten soon to take present requests Robert had had the bright idea of taking him. A quick check online had revealed that Santa was at Seb's favourite toy shop today. The only problem was that he knew that he would not be able to manage it on his own. He needed Harry's help.

Robert tentatively broached the subject. "Actually I was hoping to get up and maybe go out".

Harry looked at Robert as if he had taken leave of his senses. "Really!".

Robert avoided looking Harry in the eye as he replied. "Yes. I thought that Seb would enjoy an outing".

Harry laughed. "How do you propose to achieve that then. It nigh on killed you walking down the stairs yesterday. It caused you to cough, the coughing then wiped you out, you needed to lie down on the sofa to recover and then I seem to recall you promptly fell asleep for several hours".

Robert bridled at Harry's concise and unfortunately accurate overview but he was determined to argue his case. "Well I thought that if I took it slowly it would be ok. Take each stage gradually, getting up, going downstairs, getting in the car...".

Harry cut Robert short. "No way. Totally out of the question. You are staying put".

Robert groaned with frustration. "Please. I sort of promised Seb I would take him to visit Santa at that toy shop he likes in Hotten and he's there today".

Harry was exasperated. "Robbie you shouldn't have made promises you can't keep". 

Robert started to plead. "I can do it, but only if you help me. We can take an Uber so we are driven right up to the door of the shop. I will be ok to stand for a while so Seb can see Santa and then maybe we can grab a coffee so I can rest a while, get my strength back and then when I am ok again we can get a Uber back". 

Robert paused before adding a further incentive. "If you do this for me I promise that once we are back at the flat I will rest up and I will be a model patient going forward, I'll do everything you tell me".

Harry was skeptical. "You know that what your proposing is a really stupid idea, you are still very ill. Tommy will be hanging me up by my googlies if I'm stupid enough to help you in this mad scheme of yours".

Robert could see that Harry was at least mulling over his proposal however daft he thought it was. He decided to go for the kill. "Of course whilst we are there maybe you could visit Santa to, tell him what you would like for Christmas".

Harry laughed at his uncle's audacity. "Are you trying to bribe me?".

Robert smiled. "Would it work if I did?".

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Despite his many misgivings Harry had relented and did as Robert asked. So far things had gone to plan. Harry marveled at the sheer bloody minded tenacity of his uncle, how he had somehow found the strength to make the superhuman effort that was needed to get himself out of bed, out of the flat and into Hotten so Seb could have a wonderful time visiting Santa. 

When they had reached the toy shop Harry has stood back and let father and son enjoy their time together. He had felt a lump in this throat as he watch Robert closely, saw him genuinely smile for the first time in 2 months. The smile lit up his gaunt, illness ravaged face as he took pleasure in seeing his son bubbling over with happiness at the unexpected treat of a day out in his favourite shop.

Harry had to wipe tears away from his eyes as he saw Seb look at his Dad, saw the love radiating from his tiny eyes as he had pulled Robert around the shop, cooing over the toys, pointing out which ones he hoped Santa would bring him. Robert had indulged him with buying him a few things to tide him over until Santa arrived in a few days time much to Seb's delight.

There had been a heart stopping moment when Seb had visited Santa. When he had been asked what he wanted for Christmas he had nearly broken both of them when he said that what he wanted most of all was for his Dad to be well again. Robert had picked Seb up, tears flowing from his eyes and cuddled his son, promising him that in time he would get his wish. That he was going to well again and everything would be alright.

Harry mused that maybe after all the outing hadn't been as dumb as he thought it was going be, that in all probability it was the best medicine Robert could have seeing his son so happy and carefree again, that it gave his uncle an incentive to want to get well once more and do his best to put his broken heart behind him. Not that today hadn't taken it toll, he noticed that Robert looked worn out, what little strength his uncle's had was well and truly depleted. Harry decided that it was time to steer Robert towards a nearby tea shop so he could rest and regain enough energy to get back to the flat before he keeled over with fatigue.

By the time they got to the tea shop Robert was well and truly flagging, his face grey with exhaustion. He gratefully sat at the table. They ordered coffee and cakes with juice for Seb. Robert sat sipping his coffee. He felt better once more as the soothing liquid worked it medicinal magic, clearing his airways. He couldn't believe that it was actually a prescribed treatment for helping with the aftermath of pneumonia. 

As Robert rested, he began to feel a little more at ease, he had known that today was going to be a very tall ask, that it was always going to be a struggle but he had been determined not to let his son down anymore, it was time to be the dad Seb deserved once more. 

Since his split from Aaron 2 months ago he had been either injured or ill and hadn't been able to care for his son properly. He knew that going forwards that he needed to address that, try and restore his son's life back to one where his dad was always there for him. where he felt loved and safe again and today was the start on how things were going to be. 

Robert watched as his son devoured his slice of chocolate cake. A big ring of chocolate staining his mouth. For once he didn't mind the mess his son was making. He resisted the urge to wipe him clean, he knew it would be a waste of time anyway until he stopped eating. 

Robert mused how simple life was when you were a child. A few toys and a slice of chocolate cake and everything was alright once more with your world. There were no adult responsibilities to weigh you down, no broken hearts to content with.

Robert continued to gaze at his son, his eyes burning with the love he had for his precious little boy. He vowed to himself once more that he would dedicate the rest of his life to looking after him, making his childhood the best he could. He would make sure that Seb was always loved and cherished, that whatever life held for him he would always be there by his side, that he would support him no matter what he had done, that his son would never ever know what it was like to have a 'Jack Sugden' for a father. 

Harry cut through Robert's reverie. "Penny for them".

Robert was startled by Harry's voice, he had been so lost in the moment. "Sorry".

"A penny for your thoughts. You seemed to be a million miles away".

"I was just thinking about Seb, how things have to change. That I need to step up and be a proper dad to him again, I have been pretty lousy of late, I've let him down".

Harry was having none of it. "You are being to hard on yourself as usual. Its not your fault that you have been ill".

Robert looked at Harry, saw the sincerity in his eyes, knew that he had meant what he had said. "I think that you are being to kind, I know that I have been wallowing in self pity of late and ignoring my responsibilities".

"You would think that, since its your default mode to blame yourself for everything even when its not your fault. It something we are going to have to work at going forwards". 

Harry paused before adding. "You know what I've made a decision. I'm going to allow you to wallow for the rest of the year but as from Jan 1st, 2021 I going to make sure that you make a New Year resolution to stop this self destructive habit you have of always taking the blame for everybody and everything even when you are not remotely to blame once and for all". 

Robert looked at Harry. He smiled. "You know what its a deal. Come the New Year it will be time to eradicate ...".

"This looks very cosy, you out with your fancy man. A tiny part of me thought our Aaron must have got it wrong when he said that you'd been cheating on him, whoring yourself out for months behind his back with some rich bloke but he was right wasn't he. Your every bit as bad as he told us you were. The very sight of you disgusts me, you are a lying, cheating scumbag and he is well rid of you".

Faith looked more closely at Robert, noticed his pallor and added maliciously. "I would tell you to rot in hell, but by the looks of you, you have got one foot there already. Whatever it is that ails you I hope its serious so we can all look forward to dancing on your grave in the near future and say good riddance to you once and for all".

Robert was speechless, words failing him after listening to the vicious onslaught that had cut through him like a knife. He felt the tears spring to his eyes. He heard Seb start to cry, upset at the commotion. He reached over and pulled his son into his arms, trying to comfort him as best he could. 

Harry had listened in horror as the old woman had spit her bile and had growth increasing angry at what he heard. He took in the young girl beside her, looking at Robert with the same intense hatred. He didn't know who they were but he surmised that they must be some of the in-laws. Hearing Seb start to cry was the final straw, he snarled at them with one of his most deadly voices. "How dare you speak to Robbie like that and in front of the wee lad to boot. Have you no respect for time and place. I don't know what that husband of his said to excuse his appalling behaviour but it was lies from start to finish. Robbie did not cheat on him and especially from what you have just inferred with me".

Faith was in no mood to back down. "You would say that since you have both been caught red handed...".

Harry angrily interrupted her, all discretion forgotten. "Does no one in your family ever listen to people when they tell them the truth, especially if it goes against what they want to believe. I am not and I would never ever sleep with Robbie. From what I have heard it might be acceptable in your family to sleep with your relatives but its not in mine. I was not brought up in the gutter like you and the rest of your trailer trash family and whilst its not any of your God damned business I am not gay either".

Faith was rooted to the spot, for once she was speechless. It was Liv who spoke for them, her voice barely audible as it began to sink in that Aaron might have got it hopelessly wrong. "What do you mean by relatives?".

Robert spoke for the first time, now Harry had raised the topic he thought what the hell he might as well be honest, the worst had already happened so he had nothing to lose anymore. He looked over at Harry as he explained. "Harry is my nephew".

Both Faith and Liv were stunned. Faith was the first to find her voice. "What do you mean he's your nephew, how on earth can that be".

Robert invited them both to sit down so he could carry on his explanation. "My father was my mother's second husband. She and her first husband had 3 children. They were all grown up by the time I was born. Harry is my sister Sandy's son".

Faith felt the wind knocked from her sails. She looked at the two of them sitting before her and the scales suddenly fell from her eyes, it dawned on her how much Harry looked like Robert. If you discounted the ginger hair and Robert's gauntness through what must be ill health they could almost have been twins.

Robert broke through her thoughts. "Now that I have cleared that up, maybe you can respond in kind. Why did Aaron tell you that I was having an affair with Harry?".

Faith froze on the spot. She looked over and saw the pain in Robert's eyes. She felt consumed with pity for him. If he hadn't cheated as he said then his life and Aaron's had been smashed to pieces on a misunderstanding. She took a deep breathe. "Look, I don't know how to tell you this but according to our Aaron he saw you with a ginger headed man in a car park outside those fancy flats in Leeds. It looked like you were well, close shall we say and then when he texted you to ask you where you were you text back and lied that you were still in a meeting. He watched as you headed off into the flats with him in tow". Faith pointed to Harry. 

Faith quickly added before Robert could respond. "You can't blame the lad for thinking the worst, anybody would have jumped to the same conclusion. Ellis was with him and he thought the same, that you were up to no good".

Robert put his hands over his face. He gasped no. It was a moment before he could compose himself enough to remove them. When he did his face registered the devastation he felt, how fate once more had cruelly intervened and smashed his life apart. First the open laptop to set the scene, create the friction between him and Aaron and then the final coup d'etat of Aaron seeing him with Harry when he had told him he was elsewhere.

Harry reached over and squeezed Robert's shoulder. He was stricken with guilt, blaming himself. "It's all my fault. You would never have been there that day if is wasn't for me...".

Robert cut him short. "You're not to blame".

"But I am. If I hadn't got upset you wouldn't have had to end up taking me home, then Aaron would never of seen us together, your marriage wouldn't be in ruins and you would not have got ill. I'm so sorry".

Faith was confused she had been listening as they talked amongst themselves. She intervened. "I can't make head nor tail of what your both saying".

Harry looked at Robert, could see that he was hanging by a thread. Seb mercifully had fallen asleep in Robert's arms so he at least was one thing less to worry about in these fraught moments. Harry began to explain. "On the day that Aaron saw Robbie and me together, however bad it might have looked to a stranger, it was definitely not what it seemed". 

Harry paused for a moment before he could go on. "That day it was the anniversary of my son's death. I had gone to work, I thought it would help me if I kept busy but during the day I had inadvertently overheard something that had upset me and consequently it caused me to breakdown. My other uncle called Robbie and he came over after his meeting had finished to see how I was. In the end Robbie decided it would be best to take me home. What Aaron really saw was not two people in love, having an affair behind his back, it was just an uncle showing his nephew kindness and compassion on the anniversary of the worst day of his life".

Faith gasped as the full extent of the tragedy was laid before her. That two lives had been smashed to smithereens because of a terrible misunderstanding broke her heart. 

Faith looked at Robert, saw the broken look in his eyes and reached out and squeezed his hand. "Look love, now I know the truth I can speak to our Aaron, put him right...".

Robert interrupted. "NO".

Faith was confused. "I don't understand, what are you saying".

"I'm saying that I don't want you to say anything to Aaron. Wipe today's meeting from your memory".

Faith was totally bewildered now. "But why, I don't understand, You still love him don't you so why would you not want to put things right?".

Robert had to admit to himself that what Faith said was true. He did still love Aaron. He yearned with every fibre of his being to have his husband back in his arms once again, he knew that Aaron was the love of his life, his soul mate and best friend. Since he had lost Aaron he had been assailed by a crushing loneliness that had left him empty inside. He knew that he was a broken shell of a man. But over the long lonely days Robert had had time to think.

The conclusion that he had come to had broken what little was left of his heart. He knew that he no longer had the emotional strength to try again. When they had got back together the last time after they had split up over his one night stand and Seb's subsequent conception Robert had rejected Aaron's first attempt at a reconciliation, said that he would rather never have him back than lose him again and had walked away. But Aaron had refused to take no for an answer that night, he had waited awhile and then loudly knocked on the door to his sister's cottage and waited until Robert had opened the door and then he had reeled off that amazing speech of why he wanted Robert back. It had been Robert's undoing. He had relented against all his instincts for self preservation and succumbed to his heart's desire, to have Aaron back in his life once more. 

Robert knew deep down that if he was to let Aaron back into his life once more that with their track record it would be inevitable that another breakup would be on the cards, he reflected that from the very first their relationship had been tempestuous, they seemed to do this never-ending dance where they veered between heaven and hell. Their relationship now was firmly in hell. Robert had looked deep into his soul and knew that having barely survived their third breakup he wouldn't be able to cope with a fourth, that it would be the death of him. 

Robert knew that dying wasn't an option. He had to live, live for his little boy, be the father he deserved.

Robert hesitated as he prepared himself to change the course of his life forever, to condemn himself to a life without love, to burn every bridge he had back to the man who would hold his heart in the palm of his hand until his dying breathe. "I know what people in Emmerdale think of me, they are predisposed to always believe the very worst whether its true or not. But Aaron, he was meant to be different, he was meant to be on my side, support me no matter what, have my back. But when it came down to it he was no better than everybody else in that bloody awful village, he condemned me out of hand, he decided that I had cheated on him. If he had talked to me I could have explained everything to him, told him the truth but he never gave me the chance. He chose to destroy us, end our marriage and leave me broken hearted and alone".

Robert's voice began to break. He fiercely suppressed his emotions before he carried on. "Aaron hurt me, he hurt me more than I could bear and I know that if we got back together again he would hurt me again. You see its in his nature to drive people who love him away because he can't let himself be truly happy for long. I tried so hard to help him overcome his insecurities, I've lost count of the number of times I told him I loved him, that he was all I would ever want and need but it was never enough was it. All it took was seeing me hug another man for the red mist to descend and for him to lash out".

Robert stifled a sob. "I know I have to shoulder some of the blame. I did lie to him that day about the meeting and where I was, that's my bad, but he didn't have to react the way he did. He should have talked to me, but he didn't and now he's left me with my life in ruins, destroyed any chance I have of ever being truly happy again. He's broken me beyond repair".

Robert couldn't go on anymore. He covered his face with his hands to hid his tears.

Harry seeing how distressed Robert was hit the app on his phone and arranged for an Uber to pick them up and take them home. What had been a pleasant day had disintegrated into a full scale disaster.

They waited in silence for the taxi to arrive. Nobody knowing what to say. Faith for once was quiet. She had heard the pain in Robert's voice and for the first time it had hit her that he wasn't indestructible, that he bled like everybody else, that he had feelings to.

Liv was upset. She had always taken Aaron's side over Robert and now she was feeling guilty that she had never once thought that her brother had got it wrong, automatically thinking the worst of Robert and hating on him, she was cringing inside when she remembered the voicemail she had left him . 

Harry was seething that his uncle had been upset once more, apart of him wanted to tell them a few home truths about their precious Aaron and his fists. The only person oblivious to what was going on was Seb who miraculously was still sleeping peacefully in his dad's arms.

The app on Harry phone bleeped startling them all. The taxi had arrived. Harry gently tapped Robert on the shoulder and told him it was time to go.. Harry took hold of Seb as Robert managed to drag himself back on his feet. Harry kept hold of Seb, managed to pick up their parcels and with Robert in tow they made their way out of the tea shop towards the waiting taxi.

Liv and Faith sat there stunned. The new prospective they had on what had happened to shatter Aaron and Robert's marriage had shaken them to the core. Liv was the first to react. She realised that Robert was leaving and that it might be the last time she ever saw him again. There were things that she needed to say before it was to late. She jumped up and ran out of the tea shop. 

Liv saw the taxi pull away into the traffic. She had been to late. She started to cry. She startled when she felt arms fold around her and looked up to see that it was ok, it was Faith who held her. They stood there a long time, both of them numb, each one of them wondering whether and what they should tell Aaron.

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron was sat on his own in the Woolpack nursing a pint. He had been home for 2 days now. It felt weird to be back. As he looked around everything seemed the same as if it had been trapped in a time warp. Other peoples lives were the same as they had always been whilst his was the only one that had imploded. It was like there were two different universes, one for him and one for everybody else.

After he had attacked Robert he had gone to the pagoda where they had got married and just sat there. The tears had fallen silently down his face. The anger that had caused him to lash out at Robert subsided and in it place he was left devoid of any feelings, an emptiness seemed to consume his soul. 

Aaron tried his best to understand how it had all gone so badly wrong so quickly. On the morning of that terrible day he had got up, still married and then by nightfall his marriage was shattered beyond repair because of Robert's infidelity with the one man that he knew he could never forgive him for being with. 

Aaron sadly realised that a night had yet to go by when he hadn't mentally tortured himself by replaying the scene in the car park over and over again. It was bad enough that he had kept visualizing his husband in another man's arms but to make matters worse he hadn't left it there. In his mind he had progressed things further by imagining what they would have done to each other in the privacy of that penthouse flat.

He had mentally tortured himself over and over again visualizing them in bed together. He believed that the man who he was adamant had to be Robbie Merrick was the dominant lover, that Robert would be subservient to his rich benefactors every need. In his mind's eye he saw Merrick's hands arrogantly roaming all over Robert's naked body as if it was his given right to possess ever last inch of his husbands flesh, touching that porcelain white skin, weaving patterns from freckle to freckle. He imagined that when Merrick was ready he would demand that Robert spread his legs so he could enter him. He didn't think that the coupling would be gentle. He imagined the man would want to stamp his ownership on what he considered to be his property and that he would pound into Robert, hard and deep to prove that he could do as he pleased, that Robert now belonged to him and that Robert would just let him because he saw the pound signs in front of his eyes.

Aaron dragged his mind back to that awful day, trying to banish the unwelcome thoughts that had just evaded his mind. After sitting out in the cold for what had seemed like hours, Aaron had finally sobered up and as the effects of the alcohol had loosen their grip he gained clarity of mind. As he looked at his bruised hand it dawned on him what he had done, that he had lashed out at Robert, that he must have really hurt him badly.

Aaron had rushed back to the Mill. He gulped as he opened the door, frightened at what he would see. As his eyes took in his surroundings he could see no trace of Robert. He started to panic. He raced up stairs, checking their bedroom and en suite but there was no sign of his husband, he then barged into Seb's room. When he saw the empty bed and opened draws he sank to his knees, his husband and son were gone. He started to cry, a high pitch keening sound that reverberated throughout the house. Liv had raced into the room, terrified at what she would see and saw her brother kneeling near the empty bed, sobbing his heart out. She had managed to keep her cool and had called Chas.

Chas had come round with Paddy and she had managed to get Aaron to tell them what had happened. Chas had called Cain and they had all agreed. That Aaron couldn't stay in Emmerdale. If Robert reported him to the police then he would be in serious trouble. Chas had packed Aaron a bag and then bundled him in Cain's car and then uncle and nephew had headed for Liverpool to catch the ferry to Ireland and from there they made their way to the Irish branch of the Dingle clan.

Over the following days Chas had waited with baited breathe for the police to turn up, as each day passed she began to believe maybe that lying, cheating scumbag that Aaron had married had actually for once behaved like a decent human being and not reported Aaron after all. In her mind it was all Robert's fault, it was his betrayal that had made Aaron react the way he had, she firmly believed he had deserved to be treated the way he had. After a month she was confident that everything was going to be ok and she finally told Aaron it was safe to come home.

Aaron had lingered in Ireland though for a bit longer. He knew that once he returned home he would have to face reality, he was single again and his son was gone for good. During the time he had been away he had hardened his heart against his husband, had told himself that he must never take him back that he could never be trusted again. That he had to wash his hands of him once and for all.

In his mind Robert was a liar and a cheat, a heartless money sucking greedy parasite who would use and betray anybody if it suited his own selfish desires. Aaron had had to repeat this mantra over and over again to himself, trying to convince himself that it was true but as hard as he tried though there were those unguarded moments where his mind proved treacherous to his wishes to hate on Robert. It kept telling him about Robert's good qualities, the kind, loving husband, friend and wonderful father that had always put everybody he loved first, that he had always tried to made everything better for those that he cared about.

In the end he bitterly concluded that he could denigrate Robert all he liked. That as much as he hated him he loved him to. That in the cold light of dawn he missed him so much that it physically hurt, that his body ached for his touch. He knew that he had told Robert to go but deep down he hadn't expected him to leave, had thought that Robert would have stayed to fight for him. To him that was the worst betrayal of all.

Aaron had come to believe that Robert had given up on him, the last thing that he though he would ever have done. How many times had Robert told him that he loved him, that he was the love of his life, that nobody had come close and then he was gone without putting up any fight to win him back. 

Aaron had brooded on Robert's departure, worked himself up as to how stupid he was to think that Robert was bothered that he had lost him, that it was more than likely he was with his rich lover and had subsequently forgotten that he had ever existed. By the time Robert had tried to make contact a week later he was in no mood to talk. He remembered that Robert had kept calling him, over a period of several hours but that in his anger he had refused to answer anyone of them. He had deleted the voice mails and text without listening or reading them.

Now looking back he wondered what would have happened if he had talked to Robert. What it was that had been so urgent for his husband to have made so many calls, one after the other. He guessed that it was to late to find out now anyway so it was pointless to torment himself about the what ifs. One thing that he couldn't escape from was that it was the last time that Robert had tried to contact him. From that point onward there had been a deathly silence between them. A chasm that was gradually widening with every day that passed.

Aaron was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped when Jimmy's voice cut through his sad reflections on his broken life. "Can I buy you a pint?".

Aaron wanted to refuse. He still found it hard to look Jimmy in the eye because of what he believed Robert had done to assist Robbie Merrick in ruining his company but he realised that it would be rude, Jimmy had been a good mate over the years and he hadn't done anything wrong for Aaron to ostracize him through not fault of his own. "That would be great".

Jimmy got the drinks in and sat down next to him at the table. "So the wanderer returns".

"Yeah, not that I was given any choice. I had my mum bending my ear about families and Christmas and how it was nice having everybody around at that time of year and that includes you to Aaron".

Jimmy shuddered. "Not a lady to be crossed, your mother". Before he quietly added. "Just like Nico".

Aaron smiled and chuckled at the comparison. "Your right there" 

Jimmy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, now he was sat next to Aaron he wasn't sure what to talk about. There was an elephant in the room called Robert. Jimmy decided that it was best just to bite the bullet, say what he should and then they could move on to safer waters. "Look I sure that you probably don't want to talk about it but I was sorry to hear about you and Robert. I know that he wasn't everybody's cup of tea, he could be rather... but you two seemed to be the perfect match. Fully expected you to go the distance".

Aaron groaned inwardly. Nearly two months away and the gossip was still raging on. He had noticed the way people looked at him since he had got back, the hushed voices whispering whatever fantasy they had concocted about what had kicked off. Thanks to Ellis telling Victoria what he had seem that day it had become common knowledge that Robert had cheated on him. Aaron reflected what a bitch Victoria had become, she had wasted no time bad mouthing her brother, telling all and sundry what a low life piece of scum he was, he was sadden that she felt the need to tear Robert apart the way she did when all he had ever tried to do was love and help her the best he could. Aaron tried to play it nonchalantly. "It was just one of those things, leopard and spots and all that".

Jimmy nodded. "I did hear that he had been playing away but then he always had form, back when he was a lad he was forever messing lasses about, but I really thought at long last he was finally settled down, that he had finally learnt that the grass isn't always greener. It really upset me when I heard, you seemed so happy together".

Aaron decided to move the topic on. He didn't want to talk about Robert, it still hurt more than he could bear. "So how about you, what have you been doing the last few months? Mum told me that Home James went under, I was really sorry to hear that".

Jimmy stopped to reflect on the demise of Home James. After months of struggling to compete, after losing client after client to Whittaker's and other competitors Jimmy had finally realised that his company was doomed. The company that represented the King dynasty, the dynasty that he had wanted to pass down to one of his sons was dead in the water. He had lost everything. His company, his livelihood and his legacy. 

Jimmy dragged himself back to the present, he spoke with complete candour. "It was a bitter blow losing Home James. I felt a complete failure to tell you the truth. In a lot of ways though it was my own fault. I never should have listened to Nicola. Sacking Robert was a terrible mistake. The clients used to love him. I think if he had still been on board we could have had a fighting chance to have fought of Whittaker's"

Despite the dreaded 'R' word Aaron's curiosity was peaked. "How so?".

"Well as I said, the clients loved Robert and I know that he was working on plans to expand the business although I think he was also angling to get his shares back as a reward for helping us. He was talking about a big contract that he was going to secure for Home James that would have meant us moving up another level".

Jimmy paused to sigh. "But then fate intervened. Robert got diagnosed with a brain tumour and then when he was recovering Nicola put her oar in as you know and sacked him so it was goodbye to the new business after that, there was no way Robert was going to help us after the way we treated him"

Jimmy paused for further thought. "Then there was that mate of mine that we hired. He turned out to be a total liability, upset a lot of the clients to the point they went elsewhere, so that was another nail in the coffin".

Aaron was saddened by what he heard. "So what happened next. I seem to recall that Kim Tate barged into the Porto Cabin on the morning that... " Aaron trailed off from what he was going to say before continuing "and made you an offer if you could call it that to buy you out, from what I heard the cheeky cow was having a laugh".

Jimmy realised that Aaron wouldn't know what had happened, that he had left the village before the deal had been struck. "Well I did manage to sell the company but it wasn't to Kim Tate. I sold it to Whittaker's instead".

Aaron was genuinely horrified. "Seriously Jimmy, you didn't sell to them. They are a horrible company, they were the main reason you went under in the first place".

Jimmy was bemused by Aaron's reaction. "There's no need to get upset. Whittaker's gave me a good deal". 

Jimmy paused for a moment as he once again had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming and what had happened actually had. "In fact it was more than good. I couldn't believe my luck. They purchased Home James's assets at market value, gave me a job working for them as Transport Manager which came with a brilliant package, a really good salary, health care, pensions, profit related bonuses and you should see the company car I got and you will never believe this, they promised me that the Home James brand would be kept on for small domestic haulage so my dad's legacy could still live on"

Aaron was speechless. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He was shocked to the core. How on earth had that happened. That wasn't how Robbie Merrick operated, from what he had learnt about him he was a ruthless bastard who trampled everybody in his wake, why on earth would he have been so generous.

Jimmy looked at Aaron with concern in his eyes. "Are you alright, you've gone deathly pale"

Aaron managed to pull himself together. "I'm just stunned by what you have told me. I never thought that Whittaker's in a million years would have behaved the way they did towards you. From everything I had heard about them they are a pretty ruthless company that just take what they want".

Jimmy was candid. "To be honest I was just as surprised as you are now. They didn't have to make me the offer they did. They could have just waited until the liquidators were brought in and picked over the assets like all the other vultures and got them for a song and they certainly didn't have to offer me such a fantastic job with all those benefits attached".

Aaron was flabbergasted, he was still finding it hard to believe what Jimmy had just told him. His curiosity was now in overdrive. "What are they like to work for?".

Jimmy took his time to consider. "Well, they are a very impressive company. The new owner has certainly transformed the place since he bought it from old man Whittaker".

Aaron interjected. "That's Robbie Merrick?".

Jimmy chuckled. "You are well informed, I noticed that earlier in our conversation".

Aaron quickly covered his tracks, he didn't want to be seen as to curious about the man he believed Robert had left him for. He certainly needed to keep his deep seated hatred of the man under wraps. "Read it in Hotten Courier. You would have thought it was the second coming the way they were bigging him up. A hot shot multimillionaire businessman who is suppose to be some big player in the City. What's he like in reality".

Jimmy shrugged his shoulders. "I wouldn't know. I've never met him and so far there seems to be no indication that it likely to happen in the near future either".

Aaron was shocked. "What you've never met him. Its his company isn't it, I thought that he would have visited it from time to time to check on how things were doing".

"It might be his company but to all intense and purposes he leaves the day to day running of the company to his brother and nephew. I believe he sets the agenda and then leaves them to follow his instructions. Occasionally I get to pick up the odd snippet about him from overhearing office chatter. Apparently he was around a lot when he first bought the company back in March to set things up the way he wanted them to be going forwards and all the staff that met him then have nothing but good things to say about him. They said he was a good bloke, that despite all his wealth he's still down to earth and enjoyed a good laugh, that he mucked in like one of the lads. I remember saying he must be some silver spoon southerner and they all laughed at me, said that I was totally wrong, that he was a proud Yorkshire lad born and bred, that he was one of our own".

Aaron felt something begin to stir in the back of his mind, something that was ringing alarm bells but he couldn't figure out what it was that was bothering him. He pushed his thoughts aside for the time being, he would revisit them later. He tried to sound as nonchalant as he could when he made further enquiries about Jimmy's new work place. "So what are the current bosses like then. "When I knew that I was going to have to make other arrangement for any haulage that I needed for the scrap business I wasn't sure who to go to. I was put of Whittaker's because of what they did to you and Home James but maybe now after what you have told me they may be worth a look".

Jimmy pondered over the question for a moment. "Well Tommy Merrick, the Managing Director is a descent bloke, fifty something, down to earth, knows the haulage business through and through. A good steady pair of hands. From what I have gathered he used to work for a big haulage company in Scotland before he relocated to Yorkshire to run Whittaker's for his brother, Robbie Merrick. The nephew, Harry Morgan he's the General Manager, my immediate boss. He's a really good bloke to, from what I've seen first hand he does a really brilliant job. But when it comes down to it there's something about him, there's a definite edge below the surface. I don't know but I imagine that underneath the affability and charm he could be pretty ruthless if needs be. I wouldn't also bet against it that as well as having a calm demeanour there isn't also a temper to boot, they always say that people with ginger hair have fire in them when roused".

"So all in all then does this Harry treat you right".

"He does, although at first I had initial misgivings if things would work out between us. To be honest, just between you and me I don't think I was Harry's first choice for Transport Manager. Reading between the lines I think he was given strict instructions from on high to give me the job as part of the Home James buyout".

Jimmy paused to take another sip of his pint. "I'll be honest with you I found it daunting working there to begin with, I was as nervous as hell on my first day. There was so much to learn. Their computer systems are state of the arts, it was a massive learning curve getting myself reacquainted with the modern world. You know seeing how they operate first hand there was no way that Home James was ever going to compete with them. They really are something else, Aaron and this is just the start of things for them, from what I've heard so far they are going to get bigger and better over the coming years, they'll be a flag ship for the haulage industry".

Aaron was beginning to feel uneasy, something was really starting to bother him big time now. The unidentified thoughts that had been swirling inside his mind since he had been talking to Jimmy had taken on fresh impetus when he had mentioned the computer systems, Aaron remembered that Robert had told him that he had been employed to install them. He really needed some time alone so he could clarify the jumble of thoughts that were collecting inside his mind. He put his qualms aside once more to talk to Jimmy. "I'm really pleased that things have worked out for you, that you managed to salvage something from the wreckage".

Jimmy sighed. "I wished you'd tell Nico that. She's still lamenting that I don't own my own business anymore, says that I am now just a mere employee".

Jimmy wistfully added. "We are better off than we have ever been and she's still not happy".

Aaron smiled at him, acknowledging the truth of what Jimmy said. Having been married to a nightmare himself he could definitely sympathise. "Another pint?".

Jimmy held his glass out. "Why not".

..........................................................................................................................................

Faith dropped Liv off at the Mill. 

On their journey back they had both agreed that Robert was definitely unwell, what they didn't know was what was wrong with him as he hadn't been the least bit forthcoming on that score. They had debated whether it was possible that the brain tumour had come back with a vengeance and he had been undergoing some kind of treatment. Whatever it was they both concluded that he had looked dreadful, his face had been gaunt and grey with fatigue. When he had stood up it became shocking apparent that he was bone thin and painfully frail. He seemed to struggle for breathe as he made his way out to the tea shop.

If Robert physical state hadn't been bad enough to have left them disquieted they were even more perplexed at his mental state of mind. A fit healthy Robert surely would never in a million years not want to see Aaron again, they both had seem with their own eyes how much he had loved his husband in times past. They knew that he would go to hell and back for Aaron. It added fuel to the fire that the brain tumour had come back. Maybe they thought that Robert didn't want to be a burden to Aaron, want him to suffer the same agony as he had last year watching him fight for life or even worst he didn't want Aaron to have to watch him slowly fade away and die as he had been told that there was no hope anymore and he wasn't going to make it.

After much conversation Faith and Liv eventually concluded that until they knew more they should hold fire on telling Aaron anything. 

As Liv made her way indoors she began to have second thoughts about saying nothing about bumping into Robert. Seeing Robert again had made her realise just how much she missed him. At the time she had believed Aaron when he said that Robert had cheated on him, Ellis had been there to and he was every bit as certain as Aaron that Robert had been up to no good but hearing Robert and that bloke Harry's explanation had her believing that Aaron had got it so hopelessly wrong.

Liv shuddered. It made her blood run cold to think that Robert had had his whole life destroyed because of a terrible misunderstanding. From what he had said he had had no idea what he had done wrong that had led to Aaron dumping him so brutally, she didn't even want to think of the devastation he would have felt at having his heart so cruelly broken by the man he loved more than life itself. 

Liv gasped, putting her hand over her mouth as it suddenly struck her how much she must have hurt him to if he had listened to the message she had left him. She felt sick with shame at how cruel she had been. She had told him that she hated him and wished him dead and now seeing him so ill she wondered if her wish was coming true. Self loathing washed over her in waves.

 

........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Liv sat on the sofa waiting for Aaron to come home. She had dried her tears but fresh one threatened to spill at any moment. She could not get Robert out of her mind. She had not spared herself. She painfully reflected that they had all turned on him without a moments hesitation, hating him with such ferocity when they had believed that he had hurt Aaron by cheating on him. No one stopped to ask him for his side of the story, given him a chance to explain, they had just assumed the worst of him as always.

Liv knew beyond any doubt that they had all let Robert down and at that moment in time she hated herself for the part that she had played. See knew that Robert would never have done the same to her because in the past he had always supported her no matter what she had done. The shame she felt made her cheeks burn.

Liv was shocked out of her self castigation when she heard the sound of Aaron coming through the door. She noticed straight away that he looked pensive, there was definitely something on his mind that was worrying him. Liv thinking that maybe Faith hadn't kept her mouth shut after all tentatively asked the question. "What's up?"

Aaron was startled by the sound of his sister's voice, he had been so busy trying to digest what Jimmy had told him that he had been in a world of his own. He went and sat next to her on the sofa. "It's just something Jimmy told me. I had no idea Whittaker's had bought him out and that he now worked for them".

Liv nodded. "Yeah. It happened shortly after you left for Ireland. By all accounts from what Nicola was saying they landed on their feet". 

Liv laughed. "You should have seen Kim Tate face when she confronted Jimmy and Nicola in the Woolie about not selling Home James to her, she was spiting feathers. She was threatening all kinds of hell against them saying that they would rue the day they crossed her. As soon as she flounced out everybody was laughing behind her back at what a stupid tart she was. I think everybody was secretly pleased that Miss High and Mighty hadn't got her way for once".

Aaron nodded. "I would have laughed to, she's a right arrogant cow. I remember her storming in to the Porto Cabin shouting the odds..."

Aaron stopped in his tracks as he remembered what day it had been. The day that his life had imploded when he had caught Robert cheating on him. He put his head in his hands as the memories of that terrible day assailed him. A part of him felt like crying. 

Liv was concerned. "Aaron, what's wrong".

Aaron took a grip of himself but the pain was still etched in his voice. "It just that the day she stormed in to the Porto Cabin was the day that Robert and I split up".

Liv looked closely at her brother. He looked so sad and forlorn. Even though she knew he would never admit it she was sure that he missed Robert. Ever since he had come back two days ago she had caught him staring into space with a wistful look on his face. She wondered if he was imagining happier times, seeing the ghosts of their past selves laughing and joking without a care in the world. A past that included not just them but Robert, Seb and the dog to. 

Liv reflected that there were times when she had momentarily forgotten that Robert was gone. The number of times she had come back from college expecting to seeing him sitting at the kitchen table typing away at his laptop or sitting on the sofa with Seb in his arms. Even when he wasn't there she had just put it down to the fact that he was out walking the dog and would be back soon. When reality had returned it had hit her hard that he was not longer a part of her life anymore, that she would never get to tease him about his vanity and many other foibles, that he would not be there to help her with her course work, to mediate as the voice of reason when she and Aaron went hammer and tongs. He had left a void in her heart that at times had been hard to bear. In some ways she thought it would have been better if he had died, then at least she could have mourned him, visited his grave and said hello from time to time. Seeing him this morning had made things even worse. Seeing him so ill and broken had hurt her more than she ever thought was possible.

Liv made a snap decision to ignore Faith's advice. Aaron needed to be told. "You miss him don't you".

Aaron looked at his little sister, saw the pain in her eyes. "It doesn't matter if I miss him or not. He cheated on me Liv, he was probably cheating for months before I found out and that's something I can't and won't ever forgive him for. He ruined us beyond repair and things can never be fixed, ever".

Liv stared at Aaron, saw the certainty etched on his face that he genuinely believed that Robert had betrayed him. She decided to play devil's advocate. "But what if he didn't cheat on you, what if you got it wrong".

Aaron suddenly felt weary. He had thought about this himself, in all those long nights when sleep had alluded him. He had racked his brains to find a sliver of hope that he had got it wrong but try as he might he could find no alternative than the heartbreaking truth that his husband had been cheating on him. "I didn't get it wrong Liv, Ellis was there to, he saw the same as me. Robert was in another man's arms and then he lied to me about where he was. He said he was still in a meeting. I saw him with my own eyes going with that bloke into those posh flats. Why did he lie to me if he wasn't doing something he shouldn't have been doing".

Liv felt her heart break at the pain she saw in her brother's eyes as he told her what he believed. She saw the tears begin to form in his eyes as his heartache bubbled to the surface once more, tearing at him in waves as he reflected on what he had lost. Liv blurted out. "Please don't cry".

Liv's entreaty sent Aaron over the edge. He began to sob. Liv edged closer to him on the sofa so she could hold him in her arms. Aaron wailed out. "Why did he have to do it Liv, why was I not enough. Why did he have to be so cruel and break my heart".

Liv tried to console her brother. "You were enough, he loved you more than life itself".

Aaron shook his head. "No, your wrong, he didn't love me at all. If he had he wouldn't have done what he did to me".

Liv took hold of Aaron's face is her hands and forced him to look at her. "I don't believe anymore that Robert cheated on you".

Aaron looked at Liv. She seemed so certain. He wanted to believe her with all his heart, he really did but all logic told him she was wrong, that there was no way that she could be right. "You seem so certain and I wish I could agree with you, but I know what I saw Liv, nothing can change that. Why would you think otherwise?".

Liv took a deep breathe. It was now or never. "Because I asked him".

Aaron was dumbfounded, the breathe left his body as the shock of her words hit he. All he could do was gasp "When?".

"Faith and me bumped into Robert this morning in Hotten. Faith had a right go at him, it was embarrassing, everybody in the tea shop were staring at us, I literally wanted to die there and then. Faith accused him of cheating on you and he denied it, said it wasn't true. When she told him what you had seen that day in Leeds he was horrified, said that you had got it all wrong, that it wasn't what it seemed"

Aaron could barely breathe, he felt a ice cold grip take hold of his heart as he began to struggle with the reality of what Liv was saying and the horrifying implications if it was the truth. He could barely talk. He managed just one word as the tears started to fall down his face once more. "What!".

"Robert said that the bloke you had seen him with was his nephew".

Aaron felt like his head was going to explode, it was to much to bear. "What do you mean his nephew, the only nephew Robert has got is Jack".

Liv could see how bewildered Aaron was, saw how much he was struggling to assimilate what she was telling him. She set about enlightening him as best she could. "Apparently Robert has a nephew called Harry who is probably by the looks of him the same age as him. It really freaked me out but Robert explained that his mum had children from her first marriage who were all grown up when he was born".

Aaron began to feel the clogs starting to fall into place. He pulled himself together and began to think things through. "If he was saying it was on his mum side he could have been referring to either Pat his biological mother or Sarah his adoptive mother".

Aaron tired to shake the cobwebs from his brain as he continued. "I can't ever remember him telling me he had other nephews or nieces besides Sarah or Jack. The only brother other than Andy I know he had was Jackie and he died when Robert was a toddler".

Liv thought about it. "Maybe he had a child?".

Aaron suddenly had a thought. He got up, grabbed his coat and went out of the door. As he made his way to his destination he was grateful to see that it was still light enough for him to be able to read. He could hear Liv running behind him. Aaron made his way towards the graveyard, seeking to find the Sugden plot. 

Aaron read the inscriptions on the tombstone of Jackie Merrick. The last line was the one that destroyed him. Brother to Sandie, Tommy and Robert.

Aaron collapsed to his knees. He was devastated. All this time he had got it so spectacularly wrong. His conversation with Jimmy came back to haunt him and he now knew why something's had been triggered inside his brain. All the pieces began to fall into place. Liv knelt beside him. She pulled Aaron into her arms and hugged him tight as he began cry in earnest, as he began to comprehend the full extent of the nightmarish scenario he found himself in. 

When Aaron had finally cried himself out Liv pulled him up from his knees and helped him make his way back to the Mill. 

Once they were back Liv lead Aaron to the sofa. She left him sitting here and went and made him a brew ladling several sugars in it to help combat what she assumed was shock. 

Liv looked at Aaron, his face was deathly pale and tear stained. There was a vacancy in his eyes that frightened her. She was still bewildered by what had happened, she hadn't managed to join any of the dots. "Do you want to tell me what that was all about?".

Aaron was so wrapped up in his own misery he didn't hear her at first. It was only when Liv repeated the question that her voice finally penetrated his thoughts. He spoke in a monotone voice, devoid of all feeling. "When I saw Robert with that bloke, I went out of my mind. It hurt, it hurt so much to see him with another man in his arms. When I got home I just sat there for hours, mentally torturing myself imagining the very worst, I pictured Robert in bed with him, letting that man touch him in ways that only I should, it made me feel sick to the stomach. I went online to see who the man could be, I figured out that he probably lived in those fancy flats. I found out that a man I hated lived there, somebody that I knew Robert had been working for. Robbie Merrick. In the state I was in I thought that was who the ginger haired bloke had to be. I thought that Robert had been seduced by his money and power, that I wasn't enough anymore to compensate him for the lifestyle he had given up for me, that he had enjoyed so much when he had been with the Whites. I sat there and brooded, getting more and more angry, drinking beer after beer until I was drunk. When Robert came back acting like nothing had happened, apologising that he was late back from his meeting something inside me exploded. I hurt Robert Liv, I punched him to the ground and then I kicked him until he was a helpless bloody mess. When he regained consciousness I told him to go, take Seb and the dog with him and never come back".

Aaron paused his voice faltering as the pain threatened to consume him once more. "All I had to do was ask him about what I had seen, let him explain, but my temper got the better of me as usual, so I lashed out without thinking first. I've ruined both our lives beyond repair. But Robert isn't innocent in all this. It was his repeated lies that help lead us to where we are now. He has been lying to me from the day we first met. If he had told me who he was this would never have happened and that is something I will never forgive him for until the day I die".

Liv was confused, she got what he said about what had happened on that dreadful day but the rest was incomprehensible to her, she had no idea about what her brother was rambling on about when he said that Robert had been lying to him from the off. "What do you mean. If he had told you who he was".

Aaron laughed. It had a bitter sound to it, as if he was mocking himself. "If he had told me he was Robbie Merrick".

Liv drew in a sharp intake of breathe, she was shocked by what Aaron had just said. "What are you talking about, have you lost the plot. Robert isn't some big shot millionaire businessman".

In response to Liv's comments Aaron reached out and picked up the laptop. He opened it up and began to type. He searched for Whittaker Haulage. He looked up the about us page. When the page had loaded he turned the screen around so Liv could see it. He pointed to a ginger haired man. "Is that the bloke you saw Robert with today".

Liv nodded, still confused as to what was going on.

Aaron pressed on. "I was talking to Jimmy today, he told me about his new job and how Whittaker's had bought him out. Said that Robbie Merrick's brother and nephew ran the company for him".

The truth began to dawn on Liv as the dots began to join together. Robert had said the ginger haired man was his nephew, the same one whose face was shown on the screen before her very eyes. As she studied the face it crept up on her that he looked familiar. She realised that it had only been because Robert had looked so ill that she had not spotted it before. This Harry bloke and Robert looked like brothers. When Aaron pointed to the picture of Tommy Merrick she could see that he had some similar features to Robert to, maybe a forerunner of what Robert would look like 20 years from now. A man that would age very well, with an aura of dignity about him.

Aaron opened up another tab and started a different search. It brought up article after article on Robbie Merrick. Aaron clicked on images first and numerous pictures of a younger version of the man they both knew as Robert Sugden Dingle appeared before their eyes. 

The truth dawned on them both that Robert had been happy. They had both stared at the pictures of Robert and a young man. He wasn't what either of them had expected. He looked ordinary and somewhat plain. It jolted Aaron when he read what his name was, Jamie Whittaker. Liv got Aaron to click on a related article and they read a report about how he had died. It was a drug overdose just like Robert had told Aaron. They saw a picture taken shortly afterwards of a grief stricken Robert and both felt their hearts break for him. The carefree look had gone, replaced with such a look of desolation, that conveyed to the whole world that he had lost more than he could bear. It was the sheer look of loneliness that he eluded that had brought tears to their eyes, the rich man that had lost the only thing that had any value to him, the one thing that his money couldn't buy.

Aaron continued with his search. Articles after article. Pictures of Robert with people whose names he had heard. There was a picture with him and Jeremy Bamforth the stuck up toff that he had heard diss him at the hospital, Robert's mentor and boss at one stage. Bamforth's face was full of pride as he looked at his favourite prodigy, then there was one with Robert and Pete McNamera his business partner, co-owner of Merrick and Assoiciates, the blue chip financial and business consultancy company they had set up together. 

After a while the articles began to peter out. It was as if Robbie Merrick had disappeared into thin air but then Aaron bitterly mused he had, he morphed back once more into Robert Sugden. 

There were still reports about the phenomenal achievements of Merrick and Associates and its sister company Merrick Capital Investments, the numerous business successes they had, the new company's they had set up and floated on the stock market, how the millions had kept rolling in. 

Aaron had hit on an article about Merrick Capital Investments and it latest success just a few months ago, a dazzling company launch that had made them millions. It talked about Robbie Merrick the true power behind the throne. How he far from public gaze still controlled the destiny of his company's with a sure and steady hand but had eschewed the bright lights of public view as they hurt his gaze. 

The man who had written the article seemed to know Robert well, understood the man behind the myths and legends that surrounded him. He spoke of a boy from a poverty stricken childhood, who had succeeded against all the odds. How he had worked his way through university, bachelor and masters degrees at Durham before going to Oxford to do his PhD. Then there was the job at the investment bank where he had been taken under the wing of his mentor, Jeremy Bamforth where he had excelled before going on to set up his own companies. The article spoke about how this maths genius, one of the best of his generation had fearless dazzled the business world with his brilliance. How the success he enjoyed was just game to him, a way to stimulate his mind. That for all his wealth and power that it was the things that money couldn't buy that were the things he valued most. Things that the writer hinted alluded him. 

Aaron had to agree. That for his brilliance there was one thing Robert had totally failed at. He'd failed at being human, finding the peace he needed to be happy in his own skin.

Aaron couldn't look anymore. He closed the laptop. He rubbed at his face and found that it was wet with tears. He looked over at Liv and saw she was crying to. His sister spoke for them both. "We never really knew him at all did we, he was a stranger in our midst".

They both sat there after that, shocked and stunned to silence by what they had found out. Both trying to calm their accelerated heartbeats. They tried to reconcile the man they knew to the one that they had read about in the numerous articles they had seen. 

Strangely what had shocked Aaron the most was how Robert had looked when he was younger. He had looked so happy, there had been a carefree air about him as if everything was good in his world and he was enjoying every moment of his time on earth. There was no sadness or pain clouding his vision back then. None of the wariness that he habitually worn when he was in Emmerdale and with him.

When they finally managed to form words they made a pact. They both agreed that they would keep what they had learnt to themselves. That it wasn't their secret to tell.

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Aaron looked around at the Mill. He could see Robert everywhere he looked. Tears sprung to his eyes. He was numb, his mind no longer capable of absorbing anymore feelings, he was wrung out from the thoughts that had swirled around in his mind, keeping him awake all last night. He lifted his bag and walked out of the door. The taxi was waiting for him. He looked back one last time, seeing the Christmas wreath on the door, knowing that he was leaving at the worst time for his family just a few days from Christmas Day. 

He wondered if he would every come back, if he would ever get to celebrate another festive period with his family. He got into the taxi and told the driver to take him to Leeds train station so he could beginning the first part of this journey. He hoped that Liv would forgive him one day for abandoning her, but he thought that she would understand why he had had to leave when she read his letter, why it was to hard for him to stay, even for her.

He knew that he had to leave for his own sanity, that the only way he could survive and start to rebuilt his shattered life was to remove himself from the places where Robert's ghost would haunt him and drive him into madness.

He reflected on what he felt for Robert. It was a concoction of love, hate, anger, sympathy and crushing disappointment at his lies and betrayal. He had trusted Robert with his every secret, let him see him vulnerable and afraid and trusted him with all his heart to take care of him but his husband had never trusted him in return, never truly let him be part of his life.

He couldn't see how he could ever get past all of the lies and deceit. He couldn't see how somebody like him could fit into Robbie Merrick's world anyway and truth be told he didn't want to, he sadly believed that he wasn't good enough to mix with the great and the good, it wasn't in his comfort zone. He believed that Robert must have thought that to. That he had been ashamed of him and kept him at arms lengths from people who he had thought Aaron would prove an embarrassment to him to be seen with.

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Harry quietly entered his uncle's bedroom. He saw that Robert was asleep at long last, that he had finally cried himself out. He was sadden about how the day had ended up. Robert had looked so happy watching Seb enjoy himself before their chance encounter at the teas hop had ruined everything.

He had tried to comfort Robert afterwards when they had returned back to the flat but he had failed miserably. His uncle's heart had been shattered by the latest revelations and the only person who could fix it was the person that his uncle was steadfastly refusing to let back into his life.

Harry wished that he and the rest of their mutual friends had now not been so harsh about Robert's choice of husband, maybe if they have allowed Robert to introduce Aaron to them he could have been upfront about who he really was and averted the disaster that had befallen him.

Wherever the blame laid Harry knew that the only thing he and the rest of them could do was now was to be there for Robert as he tried to rebuilt his shattered life. 

Harry gently kissed Robert on the head and left. He was weighed down with worry as to what the future had in store for the uncle he loved with all his heart.


	18. Another New Year 2021

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers the last few days of 2020.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robert talks to Liv between Christmas and New Year  
> Robert and Aaron both decide on what the future holds for them both.  
> Some of Robert's friends are introduced  
> This chapter ends during the first few minutes of 2021.

Robert sat at a secluded table in the tea shop waiting for Liv to turn up. He had thought long and hard about whether he should have agreed to see her as he was sure that it would take its toll on his hard fought equilibrium and he knew that in his current physical state he no longer had the reserves needed to cope with anymore emotional upheavals. But he had decided that it might bring some much needed closure, so he had relented and here he was now waiting for her. Whether Liv would turn up was another matter.

Robert knew in his heart of hearts that he had to put his old life behind him, that he had to stop hankering for things he could no longer have but the reality was that it was proving very hard to achieve. Even though he had chosen not to attempt to win Aaron back the truth was that he still missed him more than he could bear. Not a day had gone by since that awful day when he wished it had just been a terrible nightmare and that it hadn't really happened, that he was still with his husband at the Mill and everything was still alright with his world.

All through Christmas Robert had in his mind's eye seen ghosts from the last Christmas he had had with Aaron. He could see his former family sitting around the table eating and laughing without a care in the world. It contrasted with reality

It had seemed strange to Robert sitting at a different table in another flat having Christmas Dinner with his mother's side of the family. A part of him had felt like he was living in an alternative universe. In this strange world his mind had floated outside of his body and he had looked down at himself, seeing a stranger talking to people, eating and drinking with them as if he belonged there. He had tried to scream to himself that he was in the wrong place, with the wrong people but his voice floated away into the ether and wasn't heard and this stranger that was him continued on as if everything was normal when it wasn't.

Fantastical thoughts aside when Robert reviewed his real Christmas he had to be fair and admit that his family had gone out of their way to help him have as good a Christmas as recent events and his health had allowed. 

His brother, Tommy and his sister-in-law Marcie along with Harry had decorated the flat from top to bottom. Robert had quipped that he needed sunglasses to cope with the glare from all the tinsel and lights that assailed him from all directions. If he had been at the Mill he would have commented that it was far to gaudy, his preference was for understated chic, less is more and all that, but he had bit his tongue when it came to asking them to scale things back.

Another reason that he hadn't complained was because he had seen how much fun his son was having helping them out. Harry had held Seb in his arms so he could put bauble after bauble on the tree. He had watched with a lump in his throat as Seb's peals of laughter had rung out with pure joy at all the fun he was having. The only downside as far as Robert had seen was the copious amount of chocolate pendants that had bypassed the tree and ended up in Seb's tummy. 

In the end Robert had had to tell Harry to put a stop to Seb's munching before he reached the point where he was going to throw up everywhere. Seb hadn't been impressed and a few tears and tantrums had followed after his sweet supply was stopped until Robert had told Seb that Santa wouldn't approve. Harry had just shook his head at Robert in admonishment because he had played the no present card on his 'wee lad'. Robert had then pointed out to Harry that he was the one that would have had to mop up the vomit and he had ceased his lecture and removed the chocolates post-haste.

Christmas Day had been a true family affair. His sister Sandie and her husband James Morgan had come down from Scotland and Harry's sister and his niece Louise had come up north as she had put it from her base in London to join them. Tommy and Marcie's two daughters, his other nieces, Sarah and Lucy who were still based in Scotland had also turned up to make it a full house of the immediate Merrick clan. 

Robert mused that he was part of a family of high achievers. Louise (Morgan) was a hot shot lawyer who had twisted Robert's arm into giving her a plum job working for Merrick Capital Investments. He didn't like nepotism but he had relented to the point where he had said she could have a three month trial on the proviso that if she didn't cut the grade she was out, niece or no niece. He was honest enough to admit to himself that he had a ruthless streak when it came to protecting his company's reputation and the level of excellence he expected from his employees, it was his remit to Pete that they only employed the very best people to work for them. Five years later she hadn't even come remotely close to losing her job. Robert knew that she had become one of their best and most dedicated employees. 

Sarah and Lucy (Merrick) were students. Sarah was currently doing her Master's in Business and Management and Lucy was doing the final year of her Bachelor's Degree in Accounting and Finance. Both were tipped for top grades. Robert realised that there was more nepotism in the pipeline as they had both dropped numerous hints about their future employment with one of his companies.

Despite his heartache and the ghosts that had whirled around him, Robert had to admit that when he wasn't being fanciful and wallowing in self pity as he had a few moments ago with that alternative universe crap, it had been lovely to have a big family Christmas with his mother's relatives. He had been surrounded by people who genuinely cared about him, they had given him what he saw as unconditional love, the love that he had always craved when he had been a child growing up and it had meant the world to him. It had been the best medicine he could have wished for in helping him get back on his feet once more. 

It had emphasized to him that on the family front he wasn't alone anymore. He might be estranged once more from his dad's family but the people who had replaced them had his best interests at heart and truly cared about him. It was he sadly reflected not something he could have said about the relatives that had washed their hands with him back in Emmerdale. He doubted that they would be worrying about his well being at all.

Robert recollected that ever since Harry had took him home with him that Christmas when he was 21 he had gained a new family overnight. His mother's family had loved him back in the days when he had been a penniless nobody, they had helped him out by buying him clothes and giving him money from time to time even when they were not overly rich themselves and didn't have a lot of money to spare. During the university breaks they, his Gran and Jamie combined had put a roof over his head and fed him. 

Robert reflected that because they had been there for him when he had had nothing he had been more than happy to help them in return when the fruits of all his hard work at university had begun to pay off. He had set up trust funds for each member of his immediate family making them very wealthy by normal standards. But to him the money would never be enough to thank them for helping him get his life back together after his father had kicked him out and abandoned him when he had needed him the most. There was no price he could put on the kindness and compassion they had bestowed on him when he had been in the worst of places.

Robert mused on the different way he had treated his mother's kin compared to his dad's. A part of him was ashamed that he hadn't helped them the way he could of done, it wouldn't have hurt him to have given them money, he would never of missed it, but a part of him had held back from doing so. He wondered if it had been because he had known deep down that when push come to shove they would throw him under the bus without a second thought. That there wasn't enough money in the world that would have made them love him in the way that he wanted, like his mother's family did. That in time they would have resented him for his generosity rather than be grateful and still repeatedly find fault with him no matter what.

Robert sadly concluded that in Diane eyes he had always been the poor relation out of all of Jack Sugden's children. He acknowledged that whilst Diane had been kind to him at times he was the least favourite of her step children by a mile. A part of him had known that he was just part of the package she had took on when she became his father's wife. He was sure that she wouldn't have taken him on otherwise if she hadn't loved his dad so much and he was the price she had to pay to be with the man she loved. He had gradually noticed the contrast in her treatment of Andy and Vic to him. She had really taken to them as if they were her own. He had often watched them from a distant, seen his dad, her, Andy and Vic all together. laughing and smiling at whatever it was that they were talking about and he remembered the crushing loneliness he had felt, how he had believed that in their eyes he was an unwelcome guest that had crashed their party and they wanted him gone. He remembered how much it had hurt knowing he wasn't really wanted.

But if he was being totally honest with himself the main reason why he hadn't helped Diane financially was because he still could not find a way to forgive her for making no effort to find out if he was ok when his father had washed his hands of him and thrown him out. She hadn't stopped his father banishing him from the only home he had every known and making it clear he was never to come back. What had really twisted the knife further was that she had made no effort to visit him in hospital as he lay broken in both body and mind after the appalling brutality he had endured at the hands of those animals when they had raped and beaten him within an inch of his life. 

Then there was Vic. Robert admitted that at first she had been kind to him when he had returned to Emmerdale. Given him a roof over his head when she wrongly believed he had nowhere else to go, taken care of him after he had been shot. He had been on the verge of helping her, believing that she genuinely loved him and cared about his happiness when she had changed. Vic had taken Rebecca side when Seb had been conceived. Maybe if she hadn't have been blinded by her baby brain, constantly forcing Robert into Rebecca's orbit, he and Aaron could have weathered the storm, not broken up over his infidelity and he wouldn't have suffered seven months of heartache and pain.

Robert knew in his heart of hearts that he was the only one to blame for his actions, he should never have got drunk like he had that night and he most certainly should never of betrayed Aaron the way he did, it was his bad and a part of him still hated himself for all the pain that he had caused Aaron but Vic had poured oil on troubled waters and everything had crashed down around his head. If that hadn't been bad enough she had turned on him when she had found out about Aaron's part in helping Adam flee the country when he had been falsely accused of murder. From that point onwards she had delivered several stinging barbs in his direction even when he had tried to help her when she had gone off the rails for a bit. She seemed to enjoy maligning him at ever opportunity.

All in all Robert considered that giving them money would not have changed how they felt about him. He could have given them the world but when push came to shrove they would never have been grateful or supported him the way he wanted them to. He realised that you should not give to receive, that true generosity was born from a selfless place but in his opinion if you couldn't love somebody for nought then love that had to be bought was worthless and subsequently not worth having and he could think of better ways to spend his money.

Robert startled as he heard Liv's voice. He had been so lost in his reflections that he had become unaware of his surroundings. "You came then".

Robert looked at Liv, saw the mutinous look in her eyes and realised that she was spiting mad. He hadn't expected that she was going to make things easy for him but it now looked like he was going to be in for a even more bumpy ride than he had first thought.

He told Liv to sit down as he discreetly signalled a waitress to come over and take her order. There had been an uncomfortably silence whilst waiting for Liv to be served with her hot chocolate and cake and him getting another cup of coffee, they had warily looked at each other, neither knowing how to kick off their conversation. 

It was Liv that took the plunge. "Your looking a little better, you still look rough but not quite so much as you did before Christmas".

Robert smiled despite the barbed backhanded compliment. "I guess I should say thanks for that, at least you don't look disappointed that I'm not looking worse than I did the last time you saw me".

Liv was stopped in her tracks. She knew that Robert had no reason for believing she cared about him after she had been so hatefully cruel in that terrible voicemail she had left on his phone when he and Aaron had split up but it pained her that he could think that she wanted him to be ill and suffer. She tried to mask her hurt. "You never said what was wrong with you".

Robert looked closely at her face, trying to read her emotions. He could see that she was uncomfortable, fidgeting in her chair. He felt compassion for her, knowing that this meeting was difficult for her to. "It was pneumonia. Bad bout unfortunately".

Liv looked upset. "It must have been really bad, I thought before Christmas that you were dying".

Robert could see that she was on the verge of tears. He reached out and squeezed one of her hands, trying to give her some comfort and support. "It was bad, but I came out the other side, still breathing and that's what really matters in the scheme of things. I just a matter of time now for me to regain my health and fitness once more".

Liv sniffed. "Faith and me thought that the brain tumour had come back".

Robert squeezed her hand again. Liv looked at him and saw the concern on his face. It was nearly her undoing. Robert seeing how upset she was quickly reassured her. "I'm all clear on that front, the last scan showed no sign of any tumour".

Liv nodded and sipped at her drink to gain some time to recover her composure. She steeled herself to tell Robert what the reason was she had wanted to see him for, the answers that she had to have for both her and Aaron's peace of mind. "We found out you know, me and Aaron. We found out who you really are".

Robert inwardly gasped. He knew that he had given Liv a clue when he had said that Harry was this nephew but he hadn't thought that it would lead to her piecing together anything significant. That his secrets would still be safe. "Right".

Liv's temper began to flare, it was a trait that she shared with her brother. "Is that all you can say, right. You lied to us all from the moment you came back to Emmerdale. Mr Merrick".

Robert was stunned into momentary silence. She had said Mr Merrick. He tried to clear the fog from his mind. "How did you find out?".

Liv tried to calm herself. "It was a combination of things. Aaron had had a conversation earlier that day with Jimmy about him selling Homes James to Whittaker's that had started some alarm bells ringing in his mind and then I mentioned that I had seen you at the tea shop with your nephew and then for whatever reason it triggered off something in Aaron's mind and the next thing he reached for the laptop, searched online for Whittaker Haulage and looked as the about us page. When Aaron saw the picture of Harry Morgan he recognised him as the bloke he had seen you with and I then recognised him as the bloke you said was your nephew and it all went from there". 

Robert nodded. "I'm impressed. I didn't think that you would have joined the dots and worked it all out the way you have done".

Liv temper ignited. "Your impressed. You think this was all a game?". 

Before Robert could answer she continued. "You lied to us from day one about who you really were. What the hell were you doing. Was it all some joke, an elaborate game, were you just some rich bloke slumming it with the peasants for a laugh".

Robert was shocked to the core. "No, it was like never that".

Liv was in no mood to be appeased. "You expect me to believe that?".

Robert reacted quickly. "It's true. It was never a game. I genuinely loved the life I had. My feelings were completely sincere. I loved and still love you and Aaron".

Liv was slightly appeased but she was in no mood to let Robert of the hook. "Then why lie, why pretend to be somebody you weren't really anymore?".

Robert took a deep breathe. Only totally honesty would do, it was the least that he owed her. "When I came back to Emmerdale it was with the Whites. I had my misgivings about them and I wanted to be sure that Chrissie genuinely cared about me for myself rather than my money so when she asked me what my name was before I realised what I was doing I told her it was Robert Sugden. The only excuse I have for my deceit is that earlier in the year my fiance Jamie had died and the gold diggers had come out in force, leaving me with a nasty taste in my mouth so going forwards I wanted to be cautious about people's real motives in being nice to me". 

Robert halted his narrative temporarily as the memories of that time began to assail him. "I was so messed up back then and when the White's moved to Emmerdale where everybody still knew me as Robert Sugden I just went with the flow. A perverse part of me wanted to see how I would be treated in the village nine years later".

Robert paused as the bitterness began to soar inside him. "Nothing had changed. Nine years later and I was still Jack Sugden's ugly little duckling, the boy that not even a father could love. I heard all the gossip, everybody thought the worst of me, in their minds I was nothing more than a gold digging tart who had latched on to a gullible rich older woman. In their minds I was the jumped up upstart who thought he could lord it over everybody, living in the big house solely on the merits of his performances between the sheets. It hurt. Nobody thought for one moment that I might have made something of myself, not me, not Robert Sugden".

Robert took a sip of his coffee, trying to give himself a moment to get the bitterness under control. "I never expected to find true love again. When Jamie died I thought that that was that. I didn't bank on meeting Aaron. He awoke up long dead feelings inside me that I never thought I'd have again. It was hard dealing with beginning to feel alive again, beginning to think that I could be truly happy once more. Plus there was the added complication that I was in Emmerdale. Whilst I had been comfortable to be who I really was in the outside world I found it nigh on impossible in Emmerdale. I felt that there was no way that Jack Sugden's son could be with a man in that village".

Robert stopped for a moment. Liv waited him out. She didn't want to break the spell of Robert baring his soul, she might never get the chance again to hear him be so candid and honest about his feelings. "By the time I had come to my senses, I thought I had ruined any chance I had with Aaron. He revealed our affair to Chrissie and from then on he made it clear he didn't want anything more to do with me. Then shortly after that I got shot and everybody thought he had done it to begin with. There was no longer any point in revealing who I was after that. I didn't see myself staying in Emmerdale permanently anymore in the long run so what did it matter who I really was".

Robert halted again. He went to take another sip of his coffee and he realised he had drunk it all. He ordered a refill, stalling for time. It was taking its toll on him reliving the past. Once he had more coffee and took another sip to brace himself he continued. "The truth was that I had dug myself into a hole and the hole kept getting bigger. Just as I had psyched myself up to tell Aaron the truth something always cropped up. First it was Aaron telling me about Gordon and the subsequent trial, then you came along and set up home with us and whilst I love the bones of you now you were a right little madam back then always causing us grief. Then Aaron got insecure about Rebecca and lashed out at Kasim. It was one thing after the other".

Robert ceased talking. Liv finally asked the question that had been burning on her lips. "Were you ever going to tell us who you really were?".

Robert nodded. "When I was diagnosed with the brain tumour something began to shift inside me. I could have died on the operating table. It made me take a long hard look at myself and what I wanted from my life going forward. I knew that being Robert Sugden Dingle was no longer going to be enough for me anymore. I wanted to be a combination of who you knew me as and Robbie Merrick. I was going to tell Aaron the truth but then things kicked off on Valentine's Day and I got cold feet".

Liv looked at Robert. "What happened, I don't remember any rows back then".

"I was really late back. Earlier in the day I had gone to see Richard Whittaker and he asked me to buy Whittaker Haulage. We had talked about the past and his son Jamie my late fiancé, it was an emotional conversation for us both. When Jamie died it was one of the worst moments of my life and I suddenly got scared about losing Aaron to. I was frightened about how he would react, I was terrified that he would be so angry at my deception that he would decide that he couldn't forgive me and that he would end our marriage and that was something that I couldn't even bear to think about, so I kept quiet, I wanted to hold on to every precious moment we had left between us before everything might come crashing down".

Robert had to halt his narrative. The pain of confronting his past insecurities and fears were taking it out of him emotionally. Liv reached over and squeezed his hand. It so nearly tipped him over the edge. He felt the tears threaten to come and he had to draw deep breathes to get his emotions under control. "The trouble is that fate has a way to catch you out, set you on your backside. Aaron read an article about Robbie Merrick in the Hotten Courier and the gods in all their cruelty made him for whatever reason dislike the man intensely. Can you image the irony of it all. Aaron hated the man that he was married to".

Robert wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes. "I had this premonition that when he found out the truth I was going to lose him but I had no idea that I would lose him the way I did. When Aaron saw me with Harry he thought the worst. He was so angry thinking I had cheated on him that he lost it and then told me to go. He never gave me a chance to explain. I lost him in the most painfully heartbreaking way I could".

Liv sat there stunned. She touched her face and was surprised to find that her hand came away wet. Robert continued. "I know that I lied to you all about who I really was but there are something's that I never lied about. I never lied about loving you all. You, Aaron and Seb were my world, you helped make me the happiest I have ever been".

Robert choked back his tears. "I know that that life is gone forever and that I have nobody to blame but myself. It's my punishment for being deceitful. But that does not make losing Aaron any less painful. There hasn't been a day that has gone by when I haven't missed him. I still love him Liv, I love him with all my heart".

Now Robert had said what he wanted to say he was emotionally drained. He couldn't find it in himself to look at Liv. He was startled when he felt her take hold of his hands once more. He cautiously glimpsed at her face, worried about what he would see in her eyes and was surprised to see compassion in her gaze rather than the hatred and disgust he had imaged would be there. Liv spoke. "Maybe its not to late. If you talk to Aaron, tell him what you have just told me, maybe there's some hope that you can work through this, make things right".

Robert looked sadly at Liv. "Its to late now. There's isn't going to be a happy ever after".

Liv was astounded. "What do you mean! You've just said that you still love Aaron, that you miss him so much, why wouldn't you at least try to put things right, how can you just give up on him now".

Robert sighed, the sadness he felt reverberated in the sound. "Aaron hurt me Liv. He broke my heart. Losing him the way I did was unbearable. Our whole relationship has been a roller coaster right from the start and I need to get off before I am destroyed once and for all. I need to put Seb first. I'm all he had left and I need to make sure that I am around to take care of him. If I got Aaron back and then lost him again it would kill me, I know that I won't be able to survive one more rejection. So its time for me to step back, think about myself for a change. I need time to heal so I can get my life back on track".

Liv stared at Robert. "So what you are saying is that you are turning your back on him. You promised Aaron that you would always love him and be there for him no matter what".

Robert was crestfallen. This meeting was depleting what scant reserves he had. He felt bone weary. "Life doesn't always work out the way you want Liv. Sometime things happen that change the promises you can keep".

Liv paused a moment. "Does your change of heart have anything to do with Aaron hurting you?".

Robert was aghast. He had hoped that Aaron wouldn't have told Liv what he had done on that dreadful night. "He told you then?".

Liv nodded. "He was so sorry Robert, he was heartbroken to think that he had hurt you so badly. He told me that it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he would never forgive himself for what he had done to you for as long as he lived"

Liv added. "I'm certain that if you gave Aaron another chance he would never harm you ever again".

Robert sighed. "You don't know that Liv. I would have staked by life on the fact that he would never of hurt me, but it did and I...".

Liv looked sadly at Robert. "He is sorry".

Robert could see that Liv was on the verge of dissolving into tears. It wasn't just him that was struggling with their conversation. "I know he is Liv. When you told me about him seeing me with Harry I understood straight away why he reacted the way he did. It was a moment of madness, one that as you say he regrets".

Robert paused once more. He was struggling to continue, he just wanted to go home, curl up in bed and cry his heart out. "I want you to do something for me. I want you to tell Aaron that I forgive him, he's not to hate himself for hurting me. Tell him that I wish him all the joy in the world, that I hope that one day he can meet somebody that will make him happy again".

Liv sat there in total misery. "So you really are letting him go, walking away from your marriage?".

Robert hated to upset her further but he needed Liv to understand. "I have to Liv. For the sake of my own sanity I need to let him go".

Liv started to get angry. "What about me then? Are you just going to discard me as well, forget that I exist just like your husband".

Robert was devastated by what Liv had just said. "Of course not. I'll be there for you as long as you want. I just thought after everything that had happened I'd be the last person you would want in your life anymore. In your voice message you said that you hated me, that you never wanted to see me again".

Liv was a picture of abject misery. Robert broke the silence. "I meant what I said to you when I said that I would always be there for you no matter what. You can still be part of my life if you want to be".

When Liv said nothing Robert continued. "I'll understand if you don't want to have anything more to do with me. I know that you will always put Aaron first, he's your brother after all and the last thing I want to do is cause any friction between you both".

Liv looked at Robert saw that he was being sincere and she felt touched by his kindness. She was heavy hearted when she replied. "You don't know do you".

Robert was puzzled. Liv filled him in. "Aaron's gone. He left the next morning after he found out who you really were".

Robert was shocked. "He's left. But why?".

Liv didn't spare Robert feelings. Her anger flared up again. "Because of you. He couldn't bear living at the Mill anymore, having to see the ghosts of the past haunt him everyday, remembering what it was like to have been happy until your lies brought the walls crashing down on him. What Aaron did was so wrong but you've not innocent in all this. When he found out who you really were it destroyed him. It made him feel that the life he had built with you was a sham".

Robert was gutted. "I'm so sorry Liv. I never meant for things to turn out the way they did".

Liv was in no mood to be conciliatory. "You never do. You just cause mayhem then walk away, leaving other people to pick up the pieces". 

Robert just sat there numb. Not knowing what to say.

Liv spate out "I don't have a brother anymore because of you".

Robert felt utterly defeated. He rubbed his face with his hands. "I am sorry Liv. I don't blame you for being mad at me. If there is anything I can do then please just tell me".

Liv went for the jugular. "How about you going to France, bring my brother back home and make things right with him once more so we can be a family again".

Robert felt like he had been punched in the stomach, all the air seemed to leave his body. Liv had asked him for the one thing he couldn't do. "I can't do that".

Liv lost her temper. "Then you were lying a moment ago when you said you who do anything for me".

Robert tried to remain patient, he reiterated what he had already said earlier. "You make out that it is so simple, that everything is black and white but it's not. There are varying shades of grey. I love Aaron, I always will but its not enough anymore going forwards. What he did hurt me, not just physically but emotionally as well. I need time alone to deal with what happened, time to deal with the demons from the past that his actions have brought back to life once more".

Liv was in no mood to let him off the hook. "So you're running away from Aaron and the life you had. You're a coward".

Robert looked at Liv, the pain her words had inflicted on him had brought the tears back to his eyes. He spoke with a voice that was strangely calm despite the turbulence he felt inside. "Who am I running away from Liv? Who is there that actually cares that I have gone. Aaron? He's abandoned me, he's left Emmerdale and made no attempt to talk to me to sort things out. My family? I don't think so, I bet the only time they have mentioned my name is when they are slagging me off, how many times have they said what a disappointment I am since I left? My in-laws? They all hate my guts, a few of them have threatened to kill me if they ever see me again. The people in the village? I don't think so. I wasn't exactly Mr Popular, the only things that they thought I was good for was as somebody to gossip about and point the finger in approbation at. Then there is you. Judging by the way this conversation is going you hate me to. So no Liv, I am not running away from anybody because everybody has turned their backs on me first".

Liv was stunned into silence. She heard the pain in Robert's voice. Saw the misery on his face. She was hit with the realisation that he was right in what he had just said. She hadn't heard one person other than Aaron say that they missed him and he was right when he had surmised that everybody had been ripping him to shreds, not one person had had a good word to say about him. Liv sadly realised that it would be cruel to want him to come back to a place where he felt so unloved, where he would be hurt time and time again by people who ignored that he had feelings that could be affected by their words and actions. "So where will you go, what are you going to do?".

Robert felt relieved that they were moving away from stormy waters, he didn't think he could bear anymore angst, he was feeling totally crushed. "I'm going to spend New Year in Scotland with my mother's family and some of my London friends are going to travel up as well for the celebrations, then it a trip to Spain to visit my Gran. After I finish my visit with Annie I'm going to Australia...".

Liv butted in. "You're going to emigrate!".

Robert shook his head. "No, its just a visit. I'm going to spend some time with my late brother's wife, Kathy. I thought it would be good to get some sun on my bones, see if it will help speed up my recovery from pneumonia. Seb isn't at school yet so it seemed like the ideal time for us to go away for a bit".

Liv was curious. "What she like?".

"What Kathy? She's lovely, has a heart of gold. I used to think the world of her when I was a kid, she used to look after me when I was small, she was like a mother to me at times. I used to stay with her when things got so bad between my dad and me that we couldn't bear to be under the same roof anymore. She was a shoulder to cry on. I was gutted when she left the village and went to live in Australia when I was fifteen. I felt that I had lost the last person in the village who truly cared about me".

Liv was gutted. "Sounds like you will be gone for a long time, maybe you'll enjoy being in Australia so much you won't want to come back".

Robert looked closely at Liv, he could see that she was struggling. He spoke to her in his gentle voice, the one he reserved for the people that he truly loved, hoping that he would be able to reassure her. "I'll be back before you know it, I won't be gone for ever. In the meantime there are things called phones that allow you to talk to people plus there is Skype. Apparently it lets you can talk to people and look at them at the same time via a screen".

Liv snorted at Robert. "Very funny".

Robert smiled. "Seriously I will be back towards mid, late February. In the scheme of things its not that long".

Liv nodded. "So when you get back, what then?".

"I'll go back to being Robbie Merrick and everything that entails. I intend to take an active role in my companies once more".

"So you will be going back to London then?"

"London?"

"That's where your companies are based isn't it".

Robert looked quizzically at Liv "Have you been checking me out online? The majority of my companies may be based in London but I don't intend spending all my time there. My partner, Pete and I have decided to open a branch of Merrick and Associates in Leeds, so we have a presence in the North. When that happens I will split my time between both bases. Plus there will be weekends. The bottom line is that I am a Yorkshire lad at heart, I won't be able to stay away, the Dales are in my blood".

Liv wasn't totally convinced "Right!"

Robert pressed on "Of course there is nothing stopping you from coming to visit me in London. I could show you around, spoil you rotten and then there will be times when I am back in Yorkshire so we could meet up then as well".

Liv tried to act nonchalant. "I've not said yet if I want to have anything more to do with you".

Robert sensed that Liv was weakening. "I know that. I'm not assuming anything. I'm just putting the offer out there, just in case you have a change of heart in the future".

Robert quickly added "I am also pretty sure that you might need a little help with your College course work from time to time".

Liv shrugged her shoulders, it was the only answer that she was prepared to give. She didn't know what to think anymore, her head felt like it was going to explode. She realised that she needed to leave, to be alone to think things through. She got up and put her coat on as she prepared to leave. It suddenly hit her that she had forgotten something. She opened her bag and pulled out an envelope and placed it in front of Robert.

Robert looked down at the envelope, saw his name written on the front. The handwriting was unmistakably Aaron's. He was startled when he heard Liv speak to him once more. "Aaron asked me to make sure that you got this. I had intended to leave it with Harry at Whittaker's but I changed my mind. I wanted to talk to you face to face, get some answers".

Robert tentatively asked. "Have you got the answers you wanted, has it helped talking to me?".

Liv looked uncertain. "Yes and no".

"That's understandable. Whatever you decide going forwards I want you to know that my offer will always stand. I will be there for you if you need me".

Liv nodded. "I don't know what I want anymore"

Liv pulled out her phone and handed it to Robert. "Your old number doesn't seem to work anymore. Why don't you type in your new number just in case...".

Robert did as she requested, as he was typing in his new contact details he made something very clear. "This number is for you and you alone. Nobody else, I don't want my in-laws and estranged relatives bombarding me with hate mail again like they did in October".

Liv smiled. "Your on. What about Aaron though?".

Robert froze. He thought long and hard on what to say. "If your brother is in any trouble and he needs my help then give him the number. We might not be together anymore but I will always care about him, I would never turn my back on him if he really needed me".

Robert paused before adding. "That goes for you to. I hate to think of you all on your own at the Mill".

Liv could see that he genuinely cared. She began to soften a little. "There's no need to worry on that score. Chas and Paddy have moved in, Aaron asked them to take care of me. They jumped at the chance to escape the Woolie. Having Charity and Vanessa and all their kids milling around them causing chaos was doing their heads in".

Robert looked surprised. "Are you ok with them moving in?"

Liv shrugged her shoulders. "I'll live. Its not the same though. It never will be. Nothing will ever come close to what I had living with you and Aaron". 

With that Liv had finally had enough. She said her goodbyes and headed for the door. Robert watched her go, he wondered if he would ever see her again. The thought made him terribly sad. 

Robert looked down at the letter. A part of him debated whether he should just throw it into the nearest waste bin. He knew that no good would come of reading it, he had already been to hell and back and he was sure that whatever was written on the letter inside it would rip open the wounds that had hardly begun to heal. He pick the letter up, staring at it for what seemed like an eternity before he stuffed it into his coat pocket and left the tea shop.  
.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert sat on the sofa in his bedroom. He was so still it was like he was in a trance. The tears coursed down his face, silently falling in rivers. 

Robert knew that it had been inevitable that he would read Aaron's letter. The sensible thing to have done was to have shredded it, but then he bitterly concluded when had he ever done the 'bright thing' where Aaron was concerned. He rationalised it in his own mind as the final act in the play that had been their marriage, one last act of masochism before he drew a line in the sand once and for all.

Even thought he had braced himself for the worst, the written words had cut viciously through his defences. It had caused him to breakdown. The pain was white hot and it had burned with an intensity he couldn't begin to control. He had foolishly believed that he had passed the point where he could be hurt anymore than he already had, but he had been wrong..

He had read through Aaron's scrawling handwriting, incongruously wincing at the spelling, it had never been his forte. At least Aaron had had the good grace to start with an apology for his appalling act of violence that night, Robert could detect the sincerity of his written words but after that it was all down hill. Aaron hadn't held back when he had laid into him for his deceit about his true identity. 

Robert had reeled as each accusation had hit home. You lied to me from the very first time me met and continued to lie throughout the whole time we were together, how could you say you loved me when you never once let me see who you really were, hid your true self not just from me but your own family. What kind of sick game did you think you were playing. Were you ashamed of us, is that why you never once introduced us to your friends because you thought we were too inferior to mix with the rich and the famous. We were an embarrassment weren't we.. Why did you never help anybody when with your money and influence you could have done so much for people that needed assistance, don't get me started about how wicked it was that you didn't help your niece Sarah when she needed money for an operation. You stood by and let Joe Tate hurt my family when with the power and influence you have you could have stopped him and destroyed him at will. How cruel were you to let me struggle with my insecurities when I was worried about you being with Robbie Merrick when he was you all along....

The list went on and on. He wished with all his heart that he had been given the chance to talk to Aaron face to face, to put forward his side of things. If he was being honest with himself he knew that some of accusations were spot on but some were so far from the mark. 

When it came to being ashamed of Aaron and his family he would have mounted a stout defence on that score. It hadn't been his choice. It had been his family and friends that had made it quite clear that they wanted nothing to do with Aaron, that they disapproved of his choice of husband and didn't want to met him. It had hurt him that they had felt that way and he had argued with them until he had been blue in the face to give Aaron a chance but they had refused to budge from their stance.

As for Sarah he would have told Aaron that it had been out of his hands. Andy had been the one to veto him giving the money to her family to pay for the operation. It was Andy that had balked at putting his daughter through an operation that could cause her needless suffering without leading to her being cured. Robert believed that Andy had been wrong, had put the money in an account for him incase he changed his mind. He had been on the verge of going against Andy's wishes when the Dingles had managed to come up with the money through nefarious means.

As for being a endless piggy bank to all and sundry he would have been unapologetic on that score. He would have told Aaron in no uncertain terms that he would be damned if he was going to give money to people who would take from him yet still despise him and let him down when he needed them in return.

As for not telling Aaron the truth about who he really was, he would have told him why he had kept shtum at first and then when he had wanted to be honest he had dug himself into such a deep hole he had struggled to work out how he could dig himself out without losing Aaron for good. On that point he would have begged Aaron for his forgiveness, he knew that he deserved to be castigated for his deceit. It was the one thing that he was most deeply ashamed about.

Robert pulled himself together. He rubbed his face with his hands and found they came away wet. He got a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the wetness away.

He laughed at himself, mockingly. Who the hell had he thought he was to decide whether he got to choose whether he had Aaron back or not. He had been cruelly disabused of his omnipotence. In the final paragraph of the letter Aaron had made it crystal clear that he never wanted to see him again, that their marriage was over and that as soon as he could he would be seeking a divorce.

Robert felt that the chasm between them was greater than it have ever been. It was one thing for him to decide to walk away from his marriage but to know that he could never walk back was the ultimate kick in the teeth from the man he would have walked to hell and back for.  
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Harry knocked on Robert's bedroom door. When he was given permission to come in he looked over at Robert and instantly noticed his tear streaked face.

Harry hesitated about what to do. A part of him wanted to pull Robert into his arms and hug him but something in his uncle's demeanour stopped him. He settled on going to sit by Robert's side on the sofa instead. He spotted the letter straight away and knew instinctively who it had been from.

"I take it that that letter is from Aaron, how did he know where to send it?".

"He didn't know, Liv gave it to me by hand this afternoon when I met her".

Harry was surprised. "I didn't know that you had decided to met her".

"I was in two minds whether I should. In the end I thought that it would be the right thing to do, that I owed her answers".

Harry cautiously asked. "How did things go?".

Robert pondered over how best to describe how it went. "It wasn't easy. But then I didn't expect it to be. Liv was understandably angry with me for lying about my true identity. She didn't pull any punches about my deceit".

"So she gave you a hard time did she. I don't suppose she took into consideration her own brother's behaviour. Gave him a free pass did she, blame what happened on you and you alone?".

"Aaron's her brother. She'll always put him first before me time and time again".

"So I can take it as read then that she was ok with him beating you to a pulp?".

Robert chose to ignore the question. "Liv said that Aaron was sorry for what he did. That he wished he could take it back. He said so in his letter. He apologised"

Harry growled out his next sentence. "That was big of him. He beats you black and blue but hey he's sorry so everything is ok again. Matter forgotten, lets move on as if nothing happened".

Robert looked at Harry, could see that he was angry. He tried to appease him. "He's not going to just move on. He was devastated with what he did. It will haunt him for the rest of his life".

Harry spat out his words. "Good. He should suffer. If you hadn't have been so soft he would be rotting in jail now where he belongs".

Robert sighed, he was well and truly fed up. Today was turning out to be one of the really lousy ones and he had more than enough of them of late to last a lifetime. He snapped back at Harry. "Can we please just let the matter drop. Aaron is out of my life now, he's gone for good. End off. I just want to look to the future now and put the past behind me".

Harry was sceptical. "You can do that can you?"

Robert gazed forlornly at the letter. "It's the only option I have"

Robert paused for a moment before he could continue. "I'm under no illusion that its going be easy, in fact it will be one of the hardest things I've every had to do. But for Seb's sake I can't fail. I have to make a new life for myself". 

Harry looked at Robert, he was deeply concerned about his uncle's well being. He hadn't a clue how his uncle was going to rebuild his shattered life. He felt a wave of anger hit him when he though about the damage that Aaron Dingle had done to his uncle's life and how he believed that he had ruined it beyond repair. To his shame Harry knew that if Aaron Dingle was standing before him right now he would be hard pressed not to kill him.

Harry pointedly looked at the letter. "What are you going to do with that?".

Robert looked down at the letter as if seeing it for the first time. He got up and moved to the desk in the corner of the room. He stared at the letter for what seemed like an eternity before he bent down and placed it in the shredder and watched as it was slowly cut into tiny little pieces that could never be put back together again. 

Robert felt a pang of regret at destroying the letter but he knew it was for the best. In truth he didn't really need to keep it because every last word had been ingrained on his memory.

It was one particular sentence that he knew would haunt him forever. 'I have finally seen you for who you really are and I don't like what I see and I never will'. 

 

........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

New Year's Eve 2020, Scotland

Harry, Pete, John, Gary and Mickey were all sat at the table chatting among themselves. They were all pretty merry, the alcohol had been free flowing throughout the night. It was the first time in years that they had all been together and they were all enjoying their reunion. They had that easy demeanour that only the closest of friends have, the one that despite time spent apart they could still pick up any conversation where they had left off as if no time had passed at all. 

The only person missing from the table was Robert. He was currently at the other side of the room talking to his sister Sandie with Seb firmly held against his hip. As Harry looked over he was trying to read Robert's mood, if it could not be described as happy then it could not be described as sad either.

Harry mused that since Robert's breakdown over the letter his uncle had seemed resigned to whatever life had in store for him. He didn't know how to feel about that, Robert wasn't one for admitting defeat, he was the one that was always looking for solutions, trying to figure things out, make them work but this time it seemed like he had just given up, that he wasn't going to try and fix what was broken. 

Harry reflected that whilst Robert hadn't disclosed to him what had been in the letter he had nevertheless given the impression that it had been the final straw.

Pete nudged into Harry to get his attention. "Robbie seems remarkably calm despite everything, from what you said about his reaction to that letter I thought he would be really wound up and pretty miserable to boot".

Harry sighed. "I know, I can't work it out either. That letter really upset him but come the following day he wouldn't talk about it and just told me point blank he never wanted to talk about Aaron ever again, that he had drawn a line in the sand once and for all and that his marriage was over".

Peter looked perplexed. "He really said that!".

Harry nodded. "I know, it doesn't make any sense".

Gary interrupted "What doesn't make sense?".

Peter filled him in. "Robbie has apparently told Harry that Aaron is history and he never wants to talk about him again, that their marriage is over".

Gary thought about it for a moment. "Well you can't blame him after what happened. If you ask me its for the best in the long run, he should never have married him in the first place. Now that that common vile little thug is out of the picture Robbie can resume his proper life again, no more messing around in that bloody awful village playing make believe, time for him to resume his crown again, return to where he belongs".

Harry sat there listening to Gary. He was bemused by his stance regarding Aaron. Whilst he wouldn't argue with him about the fact that Aaron was a thug he found in incongruous that Gary could denounce somebody who was a saint compared to some of the low life he represented as a highly renowned criminal barrister. He had represented murderers for pity's sake. Harry still couldn't get his head around the fact that this pristine man was in a relationship with a lead singer of an indie band. On paper he and Mickey Randall were poles apart, on one side the ultra stylish well dressed legal man who had developed a taste for the most expensive champagne and on the other a scruffy down at the heels looking musician who drank lager. However, from what little he had seem of them so far as a couple they appeared to complement each other well, they seemed to have a genuine rapport and mutual love for each other. He hadn't been surprised when they had recently announced that they had got engaged, the marriage scheduled for earlier in the New Year.

John wasn't so sure. "I'm sorry but I can't see Robbie just walking away. He really loved Aaron. I think he still does. Despite whatever misgivings we had about Aaron Robbie was happy with him, they were talking about having a child together for God sake and there was no way that Robbie would have contemplated that if he thought he couldn't give the child a happy, loving and stable home".

Harry shuddered. "Thank God they didn't have a child, it would have made things ten times worst".

They all nodded in agreement.

Harry decided to change the subject, he smiled inwardly to himself as he knew that he was going to stir it. Whilst he liked Pete he wasn't adverse to winding him up, it usually provided good sport. "So Pete how are you looking forward to Robbie coming back to work at the office again?".

Peter gave Harry a disapproving look, he knew full well that Harry was trying to wind him up. "I'm sure everything will be fine".

John snorted. It earned him a reproving look from his husband, Peter. John ignored him and ploughed on with his take on things. "It's already causing consternation. Everyone is on edge, it was bad enough when he turned up for the odd day here and there and now he's planning on being there full time, it will be mayhem. Everybody knows his reputation as a workaholic perfectionist so they are all scared stiff about messing up in his present and looking like complete arses".

Gary smirked, he decided to throw his two penn'orths in. "I think you'll have your work cut out Pete keeping the waters calm, especially considering what you told me about his last visit and how Robbie admonished you because he felt that you had become lax about office discipline and standards".

John and Gary both laughed, Mickey looked nonplussed and Peter looked even more irritated.

Harry looked at them all, his curiosity aroused. "Would somebody like to fill me in".

Peter glared at John and Gary but they were to busy snickering among themselves to notice. He reflected at times that his husband John had a weird sense of humour and Gary was just as bad. But then the two of them were more likely to side with Robert than him when it came to the work ethnic. They had similar traits to Robert in their compulsion to achieve perfection and were obsessive in working till all hours until they were satisfied that they had achieved their goals.

Peter took a deep breath and prepared himself for the ribbing he was going to get following his explanation. "Robbie turned up at the office one day, either he had forgotten to tell me he was coming or I'd forgotten to put it the diary but anyway to cut a long story short there he was at HQ. One of our employee's is a bit of a maverick. He does work hard, in fact he is extremely good at his job, but there are times when he likes to chill for the odd moment. He was having a coffee and unfortunately he has this habit of putting his feet on the desk and lolling back in his chair".

Harry started to laugh. He had already got a good idea what Robert would have thought about that as it was obvious that he must have caught the employee red handed.

Peter glared at Harry to shut up so he could continue. "Anyway Robbie caught him at it, so he walked up to him and asked him what he thought he was doing, James that was the employee's name by the way turned round and asked Robbie who the hell he thought he was to tell him what to do and in a round about way told him to sod off and mind his own business".

John, Gary, Harry and Mickey were trying their hardest not to laugh. They looked like they were on the verge of losing it.

Peter snapped. "Do you want me to tell you or not?"

They all nodded.

Peter once more resumed his narrative. "Well it goes without saying that James' remarks didn't go down well. From what I heard Robbie just looked him in the eye with that deathly state of his and told James that he just happened to own half the company that he worked for so ergo it meant that he was his boss and was responsible for paying half his wages. When James put two and two together and worked out that he was face to face with Robbie Merrick he was so shocked that it totally spooked him. He literally jumped in his chair, which caused him to lose his balance, he fell off his chair and landed in a heap on the floor at Robbie's feet. It that wasn't humiliating enough for him he also managed to spill the coffee he was drinking all over Robbie's jeans". 

John, Gary, Mickey and Harry dissolved into fits of laugher. Peter remained peeved. It was alright for them to laugh he had been the one that had had to deal with the fallout.

As much as Peter loved Robert he had to admit that he could be a hard act to live with. Such was his reputation within the business the staff were in awe of him, so when he graced them with his presence it made them jittery. To add to the problem Robert also expected everybody to have his workaholic attitude. When he was working with some of the staff on projects he expected them to put in the same hours as him, completing forgetting that they needed to eat or had families to go home to. At least Peter mused he had time to work out how to make thing work as smoothly as possible in the future as Robert wouldn't be coming to the office until mid to late February at the earliest thanks to his planned visits to see Annie in Spain and then Kathy in Australia.

Robert walked back over to them, he had left Seb with his sister who was currently bouncing the little boy on her knee. He looked carefully at his friends and nephew and noticed the difference in their demeanours. Four of them were smiling and Peter was the only one that looked glum. He smiled at them and innocently enquired why Peter looked like he had forgotten to buy his lotto ticket on the day that his numbers had come up.

Harry was the first to answer. "Pete was just telling us about one of your visit to the office, the one when James fell off his chair".

Robert grinned and then laughed. "I remember. He won't be putting his feet on the desk again in a hurry"

Peter just shook his head at Robert. Everybody else just grinned and then joined in with the laughter.

Gary looked at Robert noticing his fatigue. He like the rest of them had been shocked when they had seen Robert when they had arrived in Scotland for the celebrations. He, like the rest of them had thought that by now Robert would have looked a lot better, but he was still showing the signs of his recent illness and was painfully frail to boot. "Your looking a little tired, do you think you're going to make it to midnight?"

Robert nodded. "I'll be fine. I think I just need some fresh air to wake myself up a bit, its stuffy in here"

With that Robert grabbed his coat and left them to head outside.

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Harry wait for 5 minutes before he went outside to find Robert, He found his uncle standing in front of a wall looking at the bright lights of the nearby houses, watching his fellow reveller's celebrate the last day of the year. Harry made his way over to where his uncle was, as he approached him he noticed that Robert gaze was now on his phone. Robert startled as Harry stood next to him and hurriedly put his phone in his pocket.

Harry could see that his uncle was upset, he decided to ask out right about what he had just seen on the phone screen. "Where did that photo come from?".

Robert sighed. He had had a nasty feeling that he had reacted to late and that Harry being the eagled eyed man he was would have glimpsed at his phone and the picture displayed on it, he never missed anything. "It's from my sister's face book page. Like an idiot I thought that maybe she might have left a message, it is New Year's Eve after all. I thought she might have cared just enough to wonder where I was and ask if I was ok"

Harry looked pointedly at Robert. "Did she care?".

Robert could not find it in him to reply at that moment, he just pulled out his phone and passed it to Harry so he could look for himself. 

Harry started to seethe. "Well judging by the comments she's put under that photo she obviously doesn't give a damn about your feelings, the nasty wee bitch. It obvious where her loyalties lay".

"That's Vic all over. I have forgotten the last time I felt that she was on my side. Her comments are her way of saying that Aaron is well rid of me. That he's found somebody else to replacement me with and this new bloke is better than me in every conceivable way".

"So do you think he has replaced you, is that his new boyfriend he's pictured with? Come on, tell me, your the mathematician, does two and two equals four in this case or is it five?".

Robert sighed. "It doesn't matter either way".

Harry was surprised. "No?".

Robert paused for a moment. "Whether the picture shows two friends together or two lovers is totally irrelevant. The bottom line is that Aaron doesn't want me anymore, not now and not ever. Our marriage is well and truly over. So if Aaron has moved on so be it, there's a part of me that hopes he has, that he's finally found the happiness I always wanted for him".

Harry didn't know what to say to that, there was nothing he thought he could say that wouldn't be wrong. But he couldn't let it pass. "How can you say that you are happy if he is with somebody else now, so soon after you split up. I remember that you were pretty cut up when he was with that Doctor".

Robert smiled mirthlessly. "That was different. I was living in the same village back then and it was right in my face all the time, I couldn't go anywhere without seeing them together, rubbing my nose in it. Besides that Doctor might have been considered good looking by some but he was as dull as dishwater, he was boring beyond belief, a hour in his company would have cured all known kinds of insomnia. I was insulted that Aaron replaced me with that mediocrity.

Harry quipped. "You liked him then!"

Robert sighed "I have to face facts Harry, I can't pretend anymore that I get to have my happy ending, that letter for a start disabused of that once and for all and now this photo is another kick in the teeth".

Robert paused, the cold hard facts were painful beyond belief but he had to confront them head on, it was the only way forward. "I have to face the facts that I'm single again. Its finally time for me to find peace within my own skin once and for all. I've spent so many years being haunted by my dad's voice, I need to banish his words from my mind. I need to be able to look in the mirror and not hate what he made me believe I should see, a worthless and unlovable waste of space that's poisonous to the touch". 

Harry felt his heart breaking as he listened to his uncle's words, saw the torment that he was in. "Do you think you can do all that?".

Robert gritted his teeth. "I have to, there is no other choice. The way I see it is that Aaron was the last love of my life. I can't see me ever loving anybody else again now, and that ok, I'm fine with that, I'm going to embrace being on my on. I have my son, my family and my friends and that will be enough and as for my dad's voice, I'm so fed up about him ruining things for me from beyond the grave. I'm going to block my ears in future, I'm not going to listen to him anymore. I've had enough of his and Aaron's constant disapproval to last a life time".

Harry was aghast at some of the things that Robert had said. "You can't condemn yourself to a life without love, you can't do that. its...".

Robert interrupted "Its for the best".

Robert looked at Harry, saw the worry etched on his face. "Don't be sad for me Harry. I've been blessed. I've had two people in my life that I have loved and been loved by. But fate had decreed that I have lost them both so now I no longer have the inclination or the strength to try for a third time to find the happiness that keeps alluding me. When I have regained my health I am going to go back to London and I am going to resume being Robbie Merrick again. It will be a good life Harry, I'll want for nothing, my life will be a whirl of work, social engagements and raising my son and the other children I plan to have in the future. I'm going to fill every minute of every day and as time passes I'll learn to laugh again and there will be some happy days when I am genuinely glad to be alive"

Harry felt like crying. He wanted to argue with Robert tell him how wrong he was but tonight wasn't the time for this debate. There would be other times when things weren't so raw when he knew the subject could be reopened. The adage that time was a great healer might be over used at times but it was true. He checked his watch and saw it was nearly time to herald in the new year. "Come on, let go back inside. The pipers should be here soon".

Robert and Harry made their way back inside to join their friends. Robert went over to his sister and retrieved a sleeping Seb from her and carefully put him on a nearby sofa within eyesight, making sure he wouldn't fall on the floor. He watched as the pipers made their entrance, the sound whirling through his brain, blocking out all thoughts. At the stroke of midnight they struck up Auld Lang Syne. 

Robert linked hands with Harry and Tommy who have just joined them as they sang the opening lines. 

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld land syne?...

Robert sang as if he was on auto pilot, as his voice rang out his mind dwelt on what he had been doing last year, how back then he had been optimistic for the future and now here he was a year later with his life in tatters. The sound of the bagpipes had invoked a sense of melancholy in his soul as if they were lamenting his lost life, mourning its passing. He looked over at his son checking that he was still safe and he felt a fierce over powering love for his little boy. The past was over, it was the future that mattered now. Robert made a solemn vow that his little boy would never want for love, he would have the best life that he could give him, that it was his happiness that would be paramount to him.

Before he realised it Robert had sung the last line of the song. "And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, for auld land syne".

When the song ended Robert got lost in the celebrations. He registered that everybody was saying happy Hogmanay to him and that he was saying it back, that he was being hugging and kissed by all and sundry. He just went with the flow, letting everything wash over him.

Robert joined the throng and moved outside, holding his son tightly in his arms as the fireworks lit up the sky to herald in the first few minutes of 2021. 

He had woke Seb up so he could watch as the night sky lit up with glorious multicolour sparkles of lights. He revelled in how Seb's face lit up with delight at each new explosion, how he cooed and laughed. He leaned over and tenderly kissed his son's head.

Robert reflected that on the day that he had finally closed a chapter of his life for good there was one thing that make his life worth living after all. It was that precious tiny little boy that he securely held in his arms. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert laid in bed. Seb was curled up next to him fast asleep, he was making small snuffling sounds. Seb had become clingy, not that Robert could blame him after what had happened, first the little boy had to deal with losing his beloved Daddy Aaron and then Robert had been ill. It had left Seb wanting to be with his remaining dad all the time, he needed the constant reassurance of his presence. To counteract this Robert had let him fall asleep in his arms each night before taking him back to his own bed but on this occasion he decided to leave him be. He needed to keep Seb close tonight for his own sake.

He was exhausted. For some reason that he couldn't fathom he was haunted by a song that his adoptive mum Sarah had loved. He remembered it was about a woman who had lived a glamorous life, full of parties and famous people in her midst but the narrator of the song had questioned if it had made her happy, what thoughts went through her mind when she was alone in her bed. He racked his brain to remember what it was called before it finally came to him. 'Where do you go to my lovely'. Now he recalled the song he remembered the sorrowful plaintive melody it had been sung to. That somehow it enhanced the sense that despite the man singing about somebody that seemed to have everything it was really a song about somebody that really had nothing at all.

The irony hit him. The song could be a summation of his life. He was a boy who had been brought up in relative poverty who had through the brilliant of his own mind and bloody hard work managed to claw his way up to take his place among the rich and powerful elite. That to all onlookers he would have the charmed life, a man to be envied and admired. 

Robert reflected how on wrong they would be to envy him. That materialistic things were meaningless unless you could have the things that money couldn't buy as well. 

Mercifully Robert managed to go to sleep, to have a respite from his misery. 

He knew that as the Scots loved New Year with a vengeance and celebrated in style he would need all the energy he could muster to survive the following two days of revelry. Two more days before he once more resumed his mantle of being Robbie Merrick.


	19. The planets begin to realign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert settles into his new Yorkshire home. He receives a business call and has to go to his company's office in Leeds. 
> 
> That's it for the summary. I don't want to spoil it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place on one day - 22nd December 2021.
> 
> Sorry that its taken me longer than usual to post a new chapter. It has been a tough one to write. I wanted to do what I hope is justice to what is one of the most pivotal chapters in my fiction. I wanted to make it as realistic as I could.

December 22nd 2021

Robert walked over to where Liv was sitting on the sofa, Annie safely cradled in his arms. His twelve day old baby daughter had just been freshly bathed and changed once more. Seb was sitting on the floor busy working on a puzzle, he was a picture of concentration. He looked up and spotted his dad and eagerly asked him to come and help. 

Liv looked up from her phone when she realised Robert had returned once more. “Is Annie presentable again?”.

Robert nodded. “Thankfully, she was a right mucky little madam, I’d forgotten just how gross newly born's nappy’s can be.”.

Liv shuddered at the thought. “If you want I can hold her for a bit, then you can go and help Seb with his puzzle”.

Robert smiled. “Thanks”.

Robert carefully handed Annie over to Liv, showing her how to cradle her neck and head correctly and went down and sat with Seb. His son’s eyes lit up as he realised he was going to get his dad’s undivided attention. So far Seb had been relatively good about having to share his dad with this new sister, but then Robert had tried to make sure that he gave Seb some quality time so he didn’t get too jealous.

It was important to Robert to make sure his son felt loved and wanted. When Seb had been born Robert had made him a sacred promise that he would always love, support and protect him with every fibre of his being. He had made the same promise to Annie when he had first held her in his arms when she was just minutes old. Robert knew that he would keep those promises until the day he died, that he would never subject his children into having his childhood.

Liv looked fondly over at father and son and smiled. It warmed her heart to see them together, their blond heads side by side as they looked down at the puzzle. She could hear Seb’s chatter as he discussed with his dad which bits should go where. Hear Robert tell Seb how clever he was when he fitted another bit. She felt a lump in her throat as she thought how lucky Seb was to have a father who loved him so much, how different his childhood would be compared to her own, she knew it was wrong but a part of her could not help but feel envious.

Liv reflected on how happy she was now that she had taken Robert up on his offer to be part of his life. When Robert had made the offer a year ago she had given it a lot of thought, a part of her was worried about how Aaron would feel, but when he had left she realised that if she chose to push Robert away she would have lost both of her brothers. It was a thought that had horrified her. So she had taken the plunge and called Robert in early January 21 and asked if they could meet up when he was back from his trips to Spain and Australia. 

Liv remembered how it had seemed like an eternity until Robert had finally returned to England once more in late February, 2021. Fortunately they had managed to Skype in the mean time so when they did meet up, face to face it had proved to be relatively easy without to much awkwardness at all. They had settled into a comfortable rapport since.

Liv recalled how relieved she had been to see Robert look so well on his return. He was bronzed from the Australian sun and the gauntness had gone. He was still thin but he seemed more toned and athletic with it. Robert had confessed that he had a new fitness regime to keep himself trim and healthy, that since his latest brush with the grim reaper he was more conscious that he needed to take better care of himself. Liv had to admit that he had succeeded, he looked really good. Liv inwardly joked to herself that if she was into ancient old men he definitely would be worth a second glance.

Liv looked down at Annie as she gently cradled her in her arms, she really was a beautiful baby, but then she thought it was a given bearing in mind who her dad was. Just like her father she had that translucent white skin and blond hair. Her eyes were blue, but Liv suspected that they might changed to match Robert’s blue, green eyes later on. She had her father’s long elegant tapered fingers, that currently looked like little needles and a long thin body to match. Liv suspected that she would be tall like her dad. All in all as baby went she was one of the genuinely pretty ones.

Liv had to admit to herself that she had been surprised when Robert had told her that he was going to be a father again. She hadn’t thought that he would have wanted more children on his own but Robert had explained that he didn’t want Seb to grow up as an only child, that he wanted him to have brothers and sisters to keep him company. So on 12th December 2021 Annie Sarah Merrick had been born in America. 

Liv looked around her, taking in her surroundings and thought that Annie and Seb were two very lucky children. Not only did they have a dad that loved the bones of them but they would get to grow up in one of the most amazing homes she had ever seen. Liv loved Robert’s London home, it was impressive in it’s own right but this house was something else.

Liv had been rendered speechless when Robert had told her that he was the owner of Mere Place. 

Emmerdale had been ripe with gossip for well over a year about the mansion being built on the hill on the furthest outskirts of the village. They had imagined numerous scenarios about who would live there, their fancifully ideas had ranged from members of the aristocracy, film stars, TV stars, rock musicians or even a high flying businessman, you name it they had thought it. 

In true Emmerdale style of not minding their own business the villagers had sought out every nugget of information they could. When the builders that were working on Mere Place had visited the Woolpack for a pint after a hard days work they had been quizzed relentlessly for any clue as to who the owner was. Under strict instructions to keep things totally confidential the builders had proven to be uninformative, eventually they had to stop going to the pub to avoid the constant inquisition that had worn thin pretty quickly.

It had become a voyeuristic habit of several of the villagers to take nearby walks in the woods that overlooked where the mansion was being built, watching for anyone that they thought could be the owner. It had made things very tricky for Robert when he had wanted to visit his future Yorkshire home and see the progress being made because he was determined to keep his anonymity as the owner for as long as possible. In the end he had left it to Tommy and Harry to check periodically on how things were going, relying on video streaming to show him how his future home was shaping up.

Liv reminisced about the time the villagers had found out that the owner’s name was Robbie Merrick. The multi millionaire financial genius. She had secretly lapped up all the gossip, laughing to herself, if only they knew who Robbie Merrick really was. A part of Liv couldn’t wait until they found out it was Robert, she knew that she was being malicious but she couldn’t wait to see them squirm. She wanted to see their faces as they realised that the man that they had constantly maligned at every opportunity as a worthless waste of space was the one that would have the last laugh at their expense. That Robert had risen to heights that they could only dream off. Liv really hoped that Robert would rub their noses in it although a part of her realised that wasn’t likely to happened as he had moved on from his past to the point that he no longer gave a damn about Emmerdale and the bunch of self-righteous hypocrites that inhabited it.

Liv liked the new Robert. Whilst he was still very much the kind, loving and supportive brother-in-law that she had grown to love, he had changed in subtle ways. Robert was now more assured in a quiet confident way rather than being cocky and smug as he had been to mask what Liv now thought had been the insecurity he felt at being in Emmerdale. He was certainly less needy, he was now more comfortable in his own skin, no longer feeling that he had to apologise to the world for who he was. 

It occurred to Liv that Robert seemed to have learned to like himself, he no longer castigated himself for every real and imagery fault. He had learned to accept that he was human and like all humans he would have his flaws and that was ok. He didn’t have to be perfect all the time for people to like him. 

Liv thought that it had helped that the closest people around him were his mother’s family and his friends. Seeing Robert surrounded by people that cared about him had been a real eye opener for Liv, it had made her realise just what an ordeal it must have been for him to have been in Emmerdale with all the endless slings and arrows thrown his way. It had been a testimony to Aaron how much Robert must have loved him to have stayed put in Emmerdale for his sake rather than run a million miles away to escape the constant reprobation.

Liv liked Robert’s family and friends. When she had met the Merrick’s she had been bowled over with how well they had treated Robert, they had been the complete opposite of Diane and Vic. They obviously cared about him a great deal. They treated him with respect yet there was a warm familiarity that accompanied it that cut through who he was in the real world. To them he wasn’t just a multi millionaire businessman, he was Robert, one of their own. They made him laugh, something that Liv sadly reflected had been rare to hear back in Emmerdale unless Robert had been with her and Aaron in the safety of their own home. 

Harry had quickly become a firm favourite of Liv’s, she loved how he wound Robert up, he was the voice of reason who would make Robert think clearly when he thought he was off kilter. It still seemed surreal to Liv that Harry was Robert’s nephew because of their similar ages. Apart from the hair colouring they looked so alike they could have passed for twins. It was obvious that they adored each other.

Liv had felt herself welling up at times thinking how happy she was that Robert had had somebody like Harry in his life to take such loving care of him. Reading between the lines she had surmised that it had been Harry and his uncle, Robert’s brother Tommy who had got Robert through the hell he went through following his split from Aaron. A part of her didn’t want to think what would have happened if they hadn’t been around, it was to horrible to contemplate.

Liv had liked Robert’s friends to. When she had visited Robert in London during term breaks from college and latterly university he had introduced her to them at various social gatherings. So far she had met his business partner Pete McNamera and his husband John Markham, John worked for them both in the legal department of Merrick Capital Investments, then there had been Gary MacFarland, a criminal barrister and his newly acquired husband Mickey Randall who to her delight was the lead singer of one of her and Aaron’s favourite bands. Liv had adorned Danny Cavendish who she had meet alongside his rather stiff and much older husband Jeremy Bamforth, the later of which she noticed seemed to dote on Robert, treating him like a favoured son and more often than not referring to him as my dear boy. Giles Montkeiff who was a friend who Robert had met when he had been up at Oxford University. Liv discovered that Giles had played the old boy network card to get Robert to fund his brainwave for a revolutionary new product that he had designed. Liv had been awe struck when she had discovered that the said product had taken the market by storm and that Senico the company that they had been set up to manufacture it was one of Merrick Capital Investments most lucrative and successful ventures that had made everybody concerned multi millions. Then there was Aggie Larssen, Robert’s Personal Executive Administrator at Merrick and Associates, Liv had been speechless at how she bossed Robert around. Aggie would tell anyone that would listen that she was a martyr for putting up with Robert although the majority were of the opinion that it was the other way round, Robert was the martyr for putting up with her. Liv saw that despite the feigned prickliness between them there was a genuine affection there to, that when push came to shove Aggie would always have Robert’s back.

At first Liv remembered how intimidated she had felt surrounded in the main by rich and successful people but once she had got to know them she realised that when it came down to it they were just people like everybody else. As she got to know them better she was struck on how down to earth they could be. Whether Robert had asked them to or not they had gone out of their way to put her at ease, making her feel welcome. An added bonus was that Harry often turned up for most of the gatherings so he had been on hand to help her out and get her to relax if she started to feel uncomfortable. Liv envied Harry, he seemed to have that happy disposition where he was comfortable in any surroundings. 

Liv had grown to love being part of Robert’s new life. She had watched him closely since they had reconnected back in February and had been gratified to see him slowly coming back to life. During the informal dinners and outings Liv had loved just sitting quietly and listening to them all talk, she had loved the banter as they made fun of each other or the way that they debated whatever was the hot topic of conversation and could agree or disagree but remain amicable afterwards. Liv watching Robert at such close quarters noticed how happy and relaxed he was in their company in contrast to how he had been in Emmerdale where he had seemed guarded in company outside of his immediate family.

Besides Harry there had been two other friends of Robert’s that she had taken a particular shine to. The first as she liked to call him was Gary the barrister and the second was Danny the poet who also dabbled in what she considered was posh fiction. 

Gary was sharp and funny, he had loads of stories about the criminal world that he had delighted in regaling her with. He talked about some of the most horrible cases he had worked on that had made her hair stand on end and then to balance it up with something more lighter about the laugh out loud cases where he had represented criminals that had been such idiots they had botched everything up. Some of her favourites were the stories about the burglar who hearing the home owners come back had thought to make his getaway by climbing out of one of the window only to have got stuck solid because he was to fat to get though and how the fire brigade had to be called out to free him and then there had been the one about the thief that had a cat phobia who when confronted by a moggy had sat terrorised in a corner unable to move until the police came and arrested him.

Then there was Danny. He had the poshest accent Liv had ever heard. Liv discovered that he had had a very aristocratic upbringing that resulted in him going to Marlborough College and then Oxford University where he had read English Literature. Despite his privileged upbringing he was totally oblivious to his upper class roots. She had literally been speechless when Danny had revealed that his grandad had been a notorious bank robber called Ginger McCall. One of the geezers on the Sweeney’s hit list. Danny had shook his head when he remarked that these days his grand papa was something of a celebrity, that the fact that he had been a violent criminal back in the day had been conveniently glossed over in the current climate of fake fame. 

Danny told Liv how his dad, a third son of an Earl had shocked his family by falling in love with the very beautiful daughter of the said bank robber and had run off and married her before anyone in his family could stop him. At the time it had caused an almighty scandal. Danny had said that it had long since blown over and if anything his mum had become posher than them all. His parents had defied the odds and were still happily married to this day. He was their fourth and last child. He laughed that all his sibling had gone on to be very successful in the worlds of business and law, his older brother owned and ran a very successful company courtesy of being initially financed by Merrick Capital Investments and that two other siblings, another brother and sister graced the legal world as a solicitor and barrister respectively, it had made Danny laugh out loud when he considered the incongruity of who their grandad was. He had said that he had been the odd one out, the under achiever who just wanted to write for a living. Liv had learned later from Robert that Danny had been modest. He had won awards for his literary skills.

So far none of his friends had graced Robert with their presence at Mere Place, but to be fair it had only just been finished a few weeks ago after over fifteen months of intensive labour by an army of builders. Liv had to admit that they had created something extraordinary. Mere Place was spectacular, it was three storeys high with a magnificent facade and two wings on either side. The majority of the building was stone in keeping with the area but at the back there were walls of glass that allowed for stunning views of the dales and the massive garden, that was in the process of being landscaped. 

Liv had literally been opened mouthed as Robert had shown her round, everything seemed to her to have been meticulously planned. The kitchen was enormous, split into two sections, one was discreetly hidden away, a utility room for the laundry and additional storage space, the main part was kitted out to cater for somebody that took cooking seriously, there were large ovens and fridges and endless cupboards including a large wine rack. It was a pristine white in colour with black marble worktops that glittered with silver flecks. There was a large oasis in the middle of the room that acted as a food prep area and a dining table. There was also a breakfast bar. It went without saying that there were gadget galore. The rest of the ground floor consisted of a magnificent dining room, several lounges some with televisions of various sizes, a play room for Seb and his sister, bathrooms and the conservatory, which was fast being her favourite room. One wall was just glass, it gave out to a patio terrace that in the summer would double as an area to bask in the sun and eat al fresco. It was full of comfy sofas and coffee tables. The floor was a mottled green marble and the walls were a creamy white. The room was lit by lamps and stunning pendant lights of various hues that created a feeling of warmth and well being. There was a smattering of plants including a grape vine in the corner that made the room feel in places that it was an extension of the garden.

One of the wings was a self contained dwelling which she hadn’t seem yet as it was currently being occupied by Harry, Priya and Amba. It was a large dwelling in it own right, much bigger than the majority of homes in Emmerdale.

The other wing was devoted to leisure. It contained a well equipped gym with a changing area with showers, a large swimming pool that was linked to the outdoor swimming pool that was currently under cover, a sauna, a stream room and a jacuzzi. There were stairs in the corner that lead to the second floor where directly above the ground floor were rooms that were devoted to entertainment. There was a cinema room and a games room that included snooker and pool tables and a table tennis table and in an adjacent room there was a large TV that had a games console linked to it plus there another lounge area with large glass windows that overlooked the garden and the Dales.

The remainder of the second floor consisted of five bedrooms, all of them large with en suites, two of them were occupied by Seb and Annie, whilst a third was used by the full time nanny that Robert had employed to help him take care of his children.

The third floor including one of the wings were made up of five more bedrooms and a series of rooms that made up Robert’s living quarters. His bedroom overlooked the garden, it consisted of a large en suite and a walk in dressing room. There was a door from the bedroom that led to an office that was equipped with a large desk, office equipment, a sofa unit and there were several TV screens attached to the walls which at the time she had visited had been showing various figures that she had not been able to make head nor tail off. Another door led to a library that contained shelving along three of the walls, all full of books, with comfy sofa’s surrounding a large coffee table in front of a large window. It had surprised Liv to see so many books. She had never thought of Robert as a great reader before.

There were further rooms in the attic that whilst they had been decorated were not currently in use but Robert had explained that they could be used as either more bedrooms, storage areas or lounges. He hadn’t decided yet what to do with them.

The whole house had been exquisitely furnished and decorated. It was obvious that each piece of furniture had been expensive but in a quiet understated way they didn’t make the overall effect seem vulgarly ostentatious. The colour scheme was a blend of creams and various colours, blues, greens and a rich burgundy. Colours that gave each room a warm and welcoming glow. 

Overall Liv had thought that whilst the house was obviously a statement that the owner was fabulously wealthy it still seemed homely, a place where you could relax and be at easy. The overall ambience that had been skilfully created made the mansion feel inviting rather than cold and intimidating. She was looking forward to seeing what it looked like in the summer when the gardens would be in full bloom.

Robert’s voice cut through Liv’s musings, bringing her back to the real world. “Is Annie ok?”.

Liv looked down at the baby girl fast asleep in her arms. “She’s fine, fast asleep.

Liv heard Robert muttering something under his breathe. “What’s wrong?”.

Robert explained. “If she sleeps to much now she will be awake all night”.

Liv rolled her eyes. “Isn’t that the nanny’s problem? I can’t see how it should affect your beauty sleep”.

Robert ignored the barb that he suspected was aimed at him for his love of aftershaves, colognes, moisturisers, hair gels, and luxury bath creams that were a staple of his morning and evening routines. “Unfortunately not, she’s on holiday until just after the New Year. Because I am not working for the next fortnight I decided to take care of the kids myself and give her a break”.

Liv laughed. “Looks like you’re in for a few sleepiness nights then”.

Robert screwed his nose up at her. “Charming, you could always help out you know. The offer still stands. There is a bedroom here with your name on whenever you want it”

Liv was silent for a while. As much as she would love to live in this wonderful house with Robert she knew it was now all but impossible. When she had had just Chas and Paddy with her at the Mill it had been more than tempting and she had been on the verge of saying yes on more than one occasion but now things had changed and it would always have to be no. She felt that it was only fair to tell Robert why, especially as they had promised each other that there would be no more lies between them, it had been part of their pact when they agreed to be part of each others lives again. “I would love to move in, but I can’t, not now”.

Robert was concerned. “Why not, there’s nothing wrong is there?”.

Liv looked at Robert, she hated that her next words would in most likelihood cause him pain. “Aaron’s back. He came home a couple of days ago”.

Robert drew in a sharp intake of breathe. Whilst Aaron had been away in France it had seemed that he was so far out of reach he might as well be on another planet but now he was so close, less than a couple of miles away within touching distant it put a new prospective on things. Robert was speechless for a while before he said the only thing he could manage. “Right”.

Liv could see that Robert was struggling to digest what she had said but he had a right to know what the status quo was so she carried on. “He says he’s back for good” 

Robert finally managed to get this thoughts in order. “Its up to him where he wants to live and what he wants to do with his life”.

Liv looked closely at Robert, trying to fathom what he was truly thinking. At the moment his face looked neutral so she had to ask him outright. “Are you ok with him being back?”.

Robert took a deep breathe, trying his best to compose himself. “I can’t tell him where to live. In the scheme of things it doesn’t change anything. Aaron's made it pretty clear what he thinks of me. Our marriage was over and done with a year ago last October”. 

Liv could see that Robert was uncomfortable talking about Aaron. Whilst it was clear that he had accepted that his marriage was over she believed that it was impossible for him to have stopped loving Aaron altogether. In the quiet moments when Robert had thought that nobody was looking she had seem the wistful look in his eyes and had instinctively known that he had been thinking about what he had lost, there was an aura of sadness about him that she thought would remain with him until the day he died. Seeing Robert like that had made Liv curse her brother for the damage he had inflicted

Robert added. “I guess now he’s back its going to make it difficult for you to spend time with me”

Liv bit her lips before replying. “Aaron just walked out and left me last year so he doesn’t get to tell me what to do any more. Your part of my life now, end of. He’ll just have to lump it”.

Robert was pleased to hear Liv say that she was still happy to see him but he was worried about the problems it would cause her now things had changed with Aaron being back. He knew that she hadn’t told anybody in Emmerdale that she was in contact with him and he was fine about that because it would have caused her far to many problems with her Dingle in-laws if they had known but he was not happy with her having to lie to Aaron regarding her whereabouts. “What are you going to tell Aaron about where you are when you are with me, the last thing I want to do is cause problems between the two of you”

Liv heard the unease in Robert’s voice and was quick to reassure him. “Aaron will be fine with it. I told him that we were still in contact and he didn’t seem to mind”.

Robert was stunned. “He knows that we still see each other?”

Liv nodded. “I told him after I passed my business diploma. He was really pleased that I got such a high grade without your help so I fessed up and admitted that I hadn’t. I told him that you had been helping me all along”.

Robert was taken aback. “How did he react?”.

Liv could see that Robert was genuinely curious. “He was quiet at first, I didn’t think he was going to say anything, then he surprised me, said he was glad that I had your help, that you were still in my life and taking care of me”.

Robert didn’t know what to think. “He really wasn’t upset?”

Liv shook her head. “No. I think a part of him was relieved that I still had you in my life, that I hadn’t lost both of my brothers. 

Liv hesitated for a moment wondering if she should say what else Aaron had said but she realised she needed to tell the truth and not give Robert any false hope. “When I told Aaron that I was seeing you he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to talk about you or listen to me telling him what we did when we met up”.

Robert mulled over what Liv had just said. “I guess deep down I had resigned myself to no longer being of any interest to Aaron but I’m glad that he is ok with you seeing me”.

Robert felt sad as he digested what Aaron's return meant. “I guess this means that you probably won’t be around at Christmas now”.

Liv shook her head in denial. “I won’t make dinner any more but there’s no way I’m not coming round on Christmas morning and Boxing Day. Aaron will just have to lump it”.

Robert was about to reply when his phone rang. Robert cursed when he saw who was ringing and knew that he had to take the call. He made his apologies to Liv as he answered his phone. 

Liv sat flicking through her phone as she waited for Robert to finish his call, she noticed that he seemed to be getting more annoyed the longer the call continued.

Liv was worried that something bad had happened. “What’s up?”.

Robert grimaced as he replied. “I have to go to the office in Leeds. There’s a hitch with a business acquisition that Merrick Capital Investments is making early next month and I need to sort things out now before the Christmas and New Year holidays kick off. I’m really sorry about this Liv. I know that you wanted to chat about your university project for next term”

Liv was conciliatory. “Don’t worry about it, if your free tomorrow we can talk about it then”.

Robert nodded. “It’s a deal”.

Liv smiled at Robert’s answer, it was what she had wanted to hear. A thought suddenly popped into her head “What are you going to do about the kids?”.

Robert looked at his son who was now happily playing with Freddie and cursed as the implications sunk in. There was no way that he was dragging both of his kids to Leeds and then making them sit in his office for what could be several hours. Not that he thought they would let him work in peace. Seb was at that age where he had a million and one questions and Annie would probably scream the place down as she would be due a feed soon. It would be bedlam.

Liv was on the verge of offering to baby sit when Harry sauntered in. Robert’s eyes lit up and he smiled nicely at Harry in a way that instantly made his nephew wary. “Just the man I wanted to see”.

Harry looked cautiously at Robert, he could tell that he was scheming something. “Why would that be?”

Robert smiled sweetly. “I’ve just spoken to Pete and a business deal that we are working on has hit a few snags that I need to deal with at the Leeds office right this minute. It should only take me a few hours but I will need somebody to take care of the kids”

Harry had other plans and wasn’t to enthusiastic. “I don’t think…

Before he had a chance to finish Robert thanked him for being a life saver and said that he owed Harry one. He told Harry that Annie was due a feed in an hour and that Seb was to be kept away from all forms of sugar and Freddie could do with a walk if he could manage it.

Robert gave Seb a big hug and told him he would be back before tea time and asked him to be good for uncle ‘arry before hugging Liv and saying his goodbyes to her. He gently kissed his sleeping daughter on the forehead before he departed.

Harry sighed in annoyance as he watch Robert so. Liv laughed at him and called him a sucker. She wasn’t so smug when he said that she could stay and help.

.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

 

Aaron sat in the Woolpack on the 20th December, 2021 listening to Priya try and explain what had happened to his scrap business over the last year but he had been unable to comprehend what she was telling him. It seemed surreal to him that the company that he had to all intense and purposes abandoned when he had left Emmerdale over a year ago had been transformed beyond all recognition into a multi site set up that had a projected turnover for the current year of nearly seven million. 

Priya had told Aaron that since he had dumped the running of the scrap yard firmly on Robert’s shoulders, Robert had saw fit to further expand the company’s operations. Priya had then pointed out that Robert had already made significant changes when they had still been together, that he had already started to build the business up setting in on its current path so why was he so surprised at what she had told him.

Aaron had to admit that the scrap business had been expanding then and that he had more or less given Robert carte blanche to run the company but nevertheless things had escalated beyond what it was normal to have expected. Priya had tried to be patient with Aaron but eventually she had got annoyed with him and pointed out that if he had read the detailed reports that Robert had insisted that he receive each month via his email then he would have known what was going on. 

In the end Priya suggested that it would be a good idea if Aaron met with the business consultant at Merrick and Associates who was responsible for overseeing the running of his company and making sure that it was performing in accordance with the business strategy that Robert had devised.

So Aaron found himself two days later sitting in a very comfortable chair in a very well appointed office drinking what he assumed was expensive coffee with very nice biscuits on a fancy plate nearby listening to a posh lad called Rupert giving him a detailed breakdown of the current status of his company. Rupert gave him chapter and verse. Where the headquarters were, how many sites they had in what locations, current and future turnover, current and future markets they worked within, further expansions and acquisitions and so on. 

As Aaron sat there he had to admit to himself that he felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He marvelled at what Robert had done with the company, when he had mentioned this to Rupert, Rupert had said that Mr Merrick had taken a somewhat surprising interest in his company. The way that Rupert had said it made it sound like Aaron had been bestowed with an exception honour in that the great man himself had condescended to take an interest in something which Rupert believed was not worthy of his talents. It had got Aaron’s back up. 

Aaron sat there beginning to seethe. He was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled when he heard a knock on the door, he heard a man apologise for the interruption then say that when Rupert had finished his meeting could he please come and see him as something had cropped up that needed to be dealt with post-haste and he needed his input to fix it. 

Aaron felt like he had been pole-axed. The voice sent shivers down his spine, it was a voice that until recently he had never envisaged that he would ever hear again. He slowly turned round and for the first time in over a year looked at the man who was still technically his husband.

Robert felt the breath leave his body as he came face to face with Aaron. Liv had told him this morning that he was back but he had never in a million years expected to see him at Merrick and Associates’ Leeds office. He struggled to comprehend what he was seeing right before his eyes.

Rupert looked at the two men, saw the expressions on their faces as they looked at each other and knew that something was well and truly off. In a lightning flash it suddenly occurred to him that Aaron Dingle must be his boss Robbie Merrick’s estranged husband. Rupert felt the ground shift under him. He was mortified as he realised that he had not told Robert about the scheduled meeting and had therefore engineered this exceptionally awkward moment through his thoughtlessness. His heart sank. He believed that he was well and truly in the proverbial right up to this neck. If Robert didn't kill him he knew that Pete would.

Rupert tried to appease his boss. “I’m so sorry sir, I didn’t realise you were going to be in the office today. Mr Dingle came in to discuss Holey Scrap...”

Robert interrupted him. “It wasn’t a scheduled visit, something has come up with the Peterthorpe acquisition that I need to deal with immediately before the Christmas break. I could do with your assistance at some point”.

Rupert instantly agreed. “Of course sir, whatever you need, if it is acceptable to you I’ll just finish my meeting with Mr Dingle...”

This time it was Aaron’s turn to interrupt. “There’s no need for you to continue Rupert, why don’t you let Mr Merrick tell you what he wants you to do and then whilst you are doing that he can carry on with telling me about what is happening with my company...”.

Rupert was aghast. “Oh I don’t think Mr Merrick will be available to do that, he doesn’t get involved in such matters. If you bear with me I can...”

Robert interrupted Rupert again. “It’s ok Rupert, I can do as Mr Dingle asks. If you would just come into my office for a moment I can brief you on what needs to be done and then you can send Mr Dingle through”.

Rupert gulped and got up and followed Robert as he went into his office. “I am so sorry, I’m mortified…

Robert held up his hand. “Its not your fault. I didn’t warn anybody that I was coming in today so there is no need to beat yourself up about it”.

Robert then proceeded to tell Rupert what needed to be done. Rupert made detailed notes and then went back to his office and returned with Aaron in tow. He shut the door firmly behind them as he left. Relieved to have escaped in one piece. As he went he noticed that Robert had drawn the blinds.

Robert signalled to Aaron to sit down on the chair opposite his desk. He felt his heart pound in his chest as the enormity of meeting his husband for the first time in over a year hit him. He tried to calm himself, get his emotions under control. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how they had ended up being in the same space once more, even though Liv had told him that her brother had returned to the village he had not envisaged that they would ever see each other again, both of them having moved on with their lives in different directions without each other.

Robert didn’t know how to react, he tried to gauge Aaron’s mood but his face was masked as to what his true feelings were. Robert made a snap decision on what would be the safest course of action. Aaron had asked him to talk about the business so he thought that he would do as he had been asked, pretend that Aaron was just another client. He steeled himself, suppressing the turmoil he felt inside himself and began to talk. “So Mr Dingle you want a breakdown of the status of your business?”.

Robert began to talk, he explained the business in logical steps, outlining the management structure, the sites, the contracts, the financials, the future plans. All the time he was conscious of Aaron looking at him. He nearly faltered on occasions but he dug into his deepest reserves and ploughed on, trying his best to maintain the illusion that Aaron was just another client, that this man in front of him hadn’t once held his heart in the palm of his hand before he had callously thrown it away.

Aaron listened as his husband’s voice whorled through his head. It sounded different. It took him a while to realise that the Yorkshire accent was almost undetectable. Aaron laughed inwardly, of course he wouldn’t speak like the local he had once been, he was Robbie Merrick now, rich, successful, hobnobbing with the elite, he would have to blend in, sound like one of them and who better to succeed at that than his chameleon of a husband. 

As Robert talked about the business Aaron mentally switched off. He took his time to look closely at his husband for the first time in over a year. He looked so different yet so familiar at the same time. 

Aaron noted that whilst Robert was dressed casually his clothes spoke of understated wealth. They moulded to his body, showing it off to perfection. He didn’t want to contemplate how much the designer ensemble would have cost. Aaron noticed that whilst Robert’s clothes emphasised his slimness they also revealed how well toned he was, no doubt a legacy of working out in a gym. His face was thinner, his jaw line and cheek bones were well defined but somehow even thought there was a gauntness to his looks it somehow made him look even more handsome than he remembered. Aaron found himself thinking what a stunningly beautiful man his husband was. He began to feel the unmistakable flutter in his stomach as his desire began to mount, he could feel it course through every fibre of his body as he remembered what it had been like to have Robert underneath him, unravelling with pleasure as he had possessed him back when Robert had been his.

Robert coughed discreetly, trying to regain Aaron’s attention. He thought that Aaron hadn’t been listening to a single word he had said. “Is there anything more that you want to know?”.

Aaron was brought back to reality with a bang. He hoped to God that his thoughts hadn’t shown on his face. To mask his uneasy he was more abrupt than he meant to be. “Why did you bother to make the business what it is now?”.

Robert was taken aback. He hadn’t thought that Aaron would lead with a question like that. “Because it was the right thing to do going forward. We had already started to grow the business when we were together and as I am an investor I wanted the company to be as successful...”.

Aaron interrupted him. “Of course you did, there was no way that Robbie Merrick would want his name to be associated with a tinpot outfit, your ego meant that you had to transform the company into...”.

Robert was stung and hit back before Aaron could finish what he was going to say. “You never cease to disappoint me, why on earth for one minute should I have expected you to have been grateful, God knows you never seemed to be overly appreciative for anything I did for you back when we were together. I transform your company and make you a millionaire on paper several times over in the process and you throw it back in my face, you are unbelievable”. 

It was Aaron’s turn to be stung. “That’s not true, I do appreciate what you have done...”.

Robert by now was in no mood to back down, he laughed mirthlessly. “Really. What about all the times I tried to help you and all I got for my troubles was grief in return. You always made me feel like I had to apologise for loving you so much that I always put you first, that as part of that love I wanted to take care of you. You know I could have given you the world and you still would never have appreciated it, anytime I did something that annoyed you, you always just lashed out at me and forgot all the times that I had been there for you, but then that’s you all over, you’re an ingrate, you selfishly take everything on offer and never give anything back”.

Aaron sat there seething, any feelings of desire he had were long gone as his temper began to ignite. “Of course you were always so perfect, weren’t you. The great Robert Sugden, oh no, I’m forgetting you weren’t Robert Sugden at all were you, you were really Robbie Merrick. Did you expect me to be grateful all my life that you condescended to love me. A great man like you slumming it with a lowlife like me, no wonder you were to embarrassed to introduce me to your posh friends, couldn’t let them see what trailer trash you had married. What was the whole marriage thing about anyway, what possessed you to want to be with somebody like me, actually make me your husband when there must have been a queue of posh totty desperate to share your bed, be the great man’s marital partner?”

After they had both finished their outbursts both Robert and Aaron sat there opened mouthed. Their chests heaving with suppressed emotions as they recoiled from the wounds they had just inflicted on each other. The silence between them became deafening. 

Robert sighed, he rubbed his hands over his face. The day had definitely taken a turn for the worse. Robert looked at Aaron, saw the anger and hurt on his face, it mirrored his own. He suddenly felt weary. All the painstaking work he had done in rebuilding his life seemed to have been rendered null and void within minutes of having Aaron back in his presence. He felt utterly deflated. He spoke quietly. “Can we please not do this?”

Aaron stared at Robert, saw the sadness in his eyes. “Do what?”

Robert paused, trying to select the right words to say. “Tear each other apart. I mean what’s the point after all this time, Haven't we hurt each other enough for several lifetimes”.

Aaron reflected on what Robert had said and nodded in reply.

Robert debated his next words. Wondering whether it would be futile to continue talking to Aaron but he felt a need to try and get him to understand how wrong he had been about why he had been with him. “For what little it is worth I am sorry that I didn’t tell you about me being Robbie Merrick and contrary to what you think I never thought you weren’t good enough for me, far from it”.

Aaron looked closely at Robert’s face, saw the pain in his eyes. He was still trying to contain his anger and he wanted to shout at Robert but found he couldn’t. “Wow, you actually have the decency to apologise. You know though it’s a bit to late for you to be sorry, you should never have lied to me in the first place”

Robert found it hard to speak. He had desperately wanted to talk to Aaron shortly after he had put him in hospital over a year ago but Aaron had been a no show. Now that they were finally together the chasm between them seemed to Robert to be to great to cross, they were a million miles apart. He was overwhelmed with sadness. “I think it’s for the best if you leave now. There’s nothing that I can say that will ever make things right between us and truth be told I’m tired of you always judging me, making me out to be the villain all the time. It would be a complete waste of time telling you my side of the story because whatever I say you wouldn’t believe me anyway”.

Aaron shook his head. “So that’s it. You aren’t even going to attempt to explain yourself”.

Robert was taken aback by the vehemence in Aaron’s voice, there was an edge to his own as he replied. “I’ve just told that there’s no point?”.

Aaron bit his lip, trying to control his temper, he hated it when Robert decided he was the one that knew best, made the decisions on his behalf without consulting him about what he wanted. “I disagree. There is a point. I need to find some peace of mind. To do that I need to understand why you lived a lie, not just with me but your whole family”. 

Robert thought about it. “Even if I did decide to tell you what my reasons were, it wouldn’t alter anything, you’ll still hate me ever bit as much as you do now”.

Aaron was nonplussed, he spoke without thinking. “Why would you think that I hate you?”.

Robert was incredulous. “Well apart from the little matter of you beating me black and blue and telling me to get out of your life and never to darken your door again there was that charming letter of yours. You made it pretty clear what you thought of me. There was accusation after accusation. You ripped me to shreds, there wasn’t one thing about me that you liked any more and just in case I was to dumb to realise it you wrote that you hated me and hell would freeze over before you would ever want me back in your life”

Robert hesitated for a moment before adding. “Also I forgot to mention that you said that as soon as you could you were going to divorce me, that you didn’t want to be married to a scumbag like me a moment longer than you had to be”

Aaron lowered his eyes, he couldn’t look at Robert, he felt to ashamed. “I was angry Robert, I was just lashing out, you know that I say things that I don’t mean when I’m mad”.

Robert shook his head. “Oh well, that ok then. The small matter of you breaking my heart is irrelevant then. You destroyed me when you hurt me the way you did. You know throughout my life as I have told you there have been a lot of people that have really hurt me but none of them have come close to causing me the pain you have. I think it must have been fate’s idea of a joke making me fall in love with one of the cruellest people I could ever have the misfortune to meet. I know that I lied to you and for that I am truly sorry but the price you have made me pay for it...”. Robert stopped talking, he was to broken to continue.

Aaron listened to what Robert had just said and felt all his anger slip away. He hung his head as his shame continued to consumed him. His voice was little more than a whisper when he managed to compose himself enough to talk. “I’m sorry”.

Aaron raised his head, tears glistening in his eyes, he noticed that there were tears in Robert’s to. “I’m sorry Robert, I really am. Once I got the anger out of my system there hasn’t been a day that hasn’t gone by when I haven’t regretted hurting you the way I did. I wish I could go back in time and erase that day from history, change what I did but I can’t. It haunts me”.

Aaron paused as he brushed his tears away. “This isn’t an excuse, there can never be one for my behaviour that night but the thought that you had cheated on me was more than I could bear”.

Aaron had to halt again. The tears were falling freely now, he stopped trying to brush them away. “Whilst I was waiting for you to come home that night I just sat there drinking and things just spiralled out of control in my mind. When I saw you all the pain I was feeling inside took over me and I just exploded and lashed out. A part of me had to hurt you as much as I believed you had hurt me and when I started to hurt you I just didn’t know how to stop”.

Aaron couldn’t talk any more. He started to sob. The horror of what he had done was tearing him apart, making him hate himself".

Robert sat in total silence. He felt numb. His memories of that awful day having been brought back to him with a vengeance.

Aaron eventually managed to compose himself enough to continue. “It was the same with the letter. I had just found out you were Robbie Merrick and I was angry. It was me lashing out again”. 

Aaron halted. It was becoming so hard to continue but he resolutely ploughed on. He needed to get things of his chest if he was to ever find peace of mind again. “When I calmed down, I regretted what I had written. A part of me hoped that Liv never gave you the letter and if she did that you didn’t read it”

Robert looked forlornly at Aaron. “I wished I hadn’t read it either”.

Aaron couldn’t look at Robert, he bowed his head. “I’m sorry, again”.

Aaron heard Robert sigh. He looked up and saw the agony etched on Robert’s face, saw the tears falling from his eyes. His heart broke to see Robert in so much anguish. 

They sat staring into space. Neither of them wanting to look each other in the eye. Now that they had begun to talk their self defences were in tatters making them more susceptible to telling each other what they honestly thought.

Aaron was the first one to break the silence again. “I know after what I did to you that I don’t have the right to demand anything for you but please Robert will you tell me why you hid who you really were from me. I need to know”

Robert was silent for such a long time Aaron didn’t think he was going to answer him. He was surprised when he did. “I’ve told you a lot already, you know about Jamie, about how I felt when he died, what a mess I was in. Well after the funeral the gold diggers were for want of a better word out in force, it sicken me the way they pursued me, it was like feeding time in the piranha tank. It made me feel that I couldn’t trust anybody to care about me for my own sake, that the only thing that they truly liked about me was my money. So when I meet Chrissie I was ultra cautious, I wanted to be sure that it was me she really cared about and not my wealth. Then I meet her father and my hackles went up, there was something about him that left me cold so I kept schtum. Then White bought Home Farm and before I knew it I found myself back in Emmerdale where everybody knew me as Robert Sugden so the die was cast whether I liked it or not”.

Robert felt a twinge of anger as he thought about what it had been like for him going back to Emmerdale. “When I left Emmerdale everybody thought I was a worthless waste of space, nobody had a good word to say about me. A perverse part of me was interested in what they would think of me nine years later”.

Robert laughed, the bitterness all to evident as he mocked himself “They thought I was still the same boy, nobody imagined for one moment that I would ever have made anything of myself, not a ne’er-do-well like me. The gossips had me down as a gold digging whore that had latched on to a rich family. Even my own family believed the worst, kept making snide digs about how well I’d done for myself with the White’s. A part of me wasn’t surprised that everybody thought so little of me, I’d grown up being made to feel worthless, my dad never missed an opportunity to tell me what a disappointment I was. So I kept quiet, let them think the very worst. If they couldn’t like me as Robert Sugden I was damned if I wanted them to like me because I was Robbie Merrick”.

Robert tried to let the bitterness go before he braced himself to continue once more. “Then things changed forever when I met you. I never for one moment thought I would ever meet anybody that would make me feel the way I did about Jamie. I’d given up on finding that kind of love again and then against all the odds there you were and everything took on a new perspective, for the first time since Jamie died I felt a flicker of life take hold of me once more”. 

Robert sighed. “I struggled to cope with these new feelings, I didn’t want them at first, it took me along time to admit to myself that I had fallen in love with you”.

Robert sighed again. “I don’t know why I told you that, you know first hand what a mess I made of things at the start of our relationship, I treated you so badly, caused you so much pain”.

Aaron nodded his agreement but remained silence. He didn’t want to interrupt Robert now, make him think twice about explaining things to him.

Robert resumed his explanation. “We had so many stops and starts, break ups and make ups, we never seemed to get a clear run at being together for long. Just as I was on the verge of telling you something always seem to crop up and put a spanner in the works. The right moment always seemed out of reach”. 

Robert stopped for a moment. Aaron patiently waited him out, willing him to continue. “Everything changed for me when I was diagnosed with that brain tumour. I was told that I could die, that I might not survive the operation”.

Aaron gasped in shock. This was the first time Robert had admitted to him that the operation had been so precarious. He felt a cold dread seize his heart when he realised that he could have lost Robert back then. He had been scared enough as it was when he had thought that everything was routine. He dragged himself back to reality, trying to refocus on what Robert was telling him. “It was the catalyst for me wanting to change. I didn’t want to be just Robert Sugden any more, I wanted to be Robbie Merrick to. I was going to tell you, I swear I was but the right moment never seem to come up. Can you remember my last birthday, when we went out walking, I’d made up my mind to tell you then but before I could you told me how much you disliked Robbie Merrick”. 

Robert laughed mirthlessly. “I found myself backed into a corner, I’d dug myself into a hole so deep I didn’t know how to get out. What is it they say about when you first set out to deceive. As the months went by your stance towards Robbie Merrick didn’t change, if anything I thought that your hatred for him grew. I had this feeling of dread inside me for months, like I was living on borrowed time. I knew deep down that when you found out the truth I would lose you. So like a coward I decided to keep quiet, cling on to every moment we had left before the enviable happened and you kicked me out because of my deceit”.

Robert paused for awhile. The memories torturing him to the point he just wanted to sit there and cry, but he rallied his emotions once more and continued, he was nearly at the end of his discourse. “It got to the point that not telling you the truth was haunting my every waking moment. It became unbearable. I’d talked to my nephew and he recommended that I be honest with you, throw myself at your mercy, that maybe if you knew the whole truth by some miracle you could maybe understand the reasons behind my deception and in time maybe you could find it in your heart to forgive me”.

Robert had to stop. He rubbed his face and found that his hands came away wet. It was nearly his undoing. He took a deep breathe, just a few minutes more and he would be done. “In some ways its sum us up, in all it tragic irony, that the very night I decided to come clean was the night that you hurt me, beat me black and blue and told me to get out of your life forever”.

Aaron held in face in his hands and sobbed. His words were strangled by emotion when he finally found his voice “God, everything is such a mess”.

They both sat there in silence. Both in tears, the misery palpable between then. Now that everything was out in the open they were both struggling to adjust to the new reality that there was between them.

Aaron was the first to speak. “I don’t know what to think any more. If only you had told me the truth, maybe we could have worked something out. I'm not happy that you deceived me but I can understand some of your reasons behind concealing the truth”. 

Aaron paused for a moment before adding “What in hell name do we do now Robert?”.

Robert was struggling to comprehend what he meant. “What do you mean, what now?”

Aaron took a deep breathe. “Where do we go from here?”.

Robert was totally floored, his brain wouldn’t function any more. “I’m sorry I still don’t understand what you mean”.

Aaron looked closely at Robert, trying to read what he was thinking but all he could see was bewilderment and pain in his eyes. He took a deep breath, it was now or never. “After we split up I was to angry to think clearly at first, but once the anger past I managed to think clearly again, look at everything rationally once more. I finally came to a decision about what I really wanted from life. I returned home because I wanted to see you again, I needed us to talk, get some answers to the questions that have been haunting me. You’ve answered some of them today, there are more but they can wait”.

Aaron hesitated a moment, steeling himself to put his future on the line. “The thing is I know now without any doubt what it is that I want from life. Its you Robert, I want you back, its the only thing that will ever make me happy again and listening to you I think that’s want you want deep down to. We’ll never get to be happy again without each other Robert, we’re two parts of the same person. Whether we like it or not our destinies are entwined”.

Robert was rendered speechless, he was shocked by what Aaron had said. But then that was them all over. One minute they were screaming at each other, ripping each other apart and the next they were in each other arms, both of them finding it impossible to keep their hands off each other as they angrily made up. Their relationship right from the start had been a mixture of love and hate, heaven and hell. Robert shook his head to clear the cobwebs away. He was finding it hard to think, “Aaron, what the hell are you trying to do to me. You just can’t turn up over a year later and say that you want me back, its not on”.

Aaron reached for Robert’s hands only for Robert to pull them away before he could touch them. Aaron was crushed by his response. A part of him didn’t blame Robert, he knew that Robert must be in shock at what he had just said. That he would need time to process everything, that him turning up out of the blue saying he wanted him back was a hell of a lot to take in. He knew that now he had put everything on the line he had nothing to lose so he just went for it. “I still love you Robert, you’re all I want, all I can think about, every minute of every day, I won’t be able to rest until your back in my arms where you belong, until we’re together again”.

Robert cried out “No”.

Aaron fought for the strength to carry on. He had rehearsed this day for the last few months. He had come back to England on a mission to get his husband back and now the moment had come he knew that he couldn’t falter if he was to achieve his ambition, he pressed on. “I meant what I just said Robert, I love you. Despite everything that has happened between us over the years I have never for one moment stopped loving you, even when I have hated you the love has always still been there deep down inside me. I loved you from the moment we first kissed it that lay-by all those years ago. Nobody has ever come close to making me feel the way you do, nobody ever will. We belong together Robert, you know we do. Neither of us will ever know any more happiness until we are together again. It’s our curse Robert, we need each other to be whole”.

Robert was left reeling from Aaron’s onslaught. All the work he had done to rebuild his life was in ruins. He began to sob, he couldn’t cope with what he was hearing any more. “It’s to late”.

Aaron reached out for Robert’s hands once more, this time Robert let him touch him. “I know this is a lot for you to take in. If I were you I would wonder what the hell is going on to, but its not to late if its what we both want”.

Robert was confused. “Why now, you’ve lived without me for over a year, what’s changed all of a sudden to make you feel this way about us?”

Aaron braced himself to continue. “I don’t blame you for wondering why and if it helps it has nothing to do with who you are now or your money. I'm more than happy to sign a document saying I don't want one penny from you. It’s about you as a person, the man that I fell in love with hook, line and sinker”

Aaron stopped for a moment, pondering how best to put his points across. “Whilst we have been apart I’ve had a lot of time to work through my issues, I’ve had counselling and anger management courses, they have helped me to clarify what is and isn’t important in my life and they have help me understand where I have gone wrong in the past and how to put checks in place so I don’t self sabotage again. Mentally I’m in the best place I have ever been. I know what it is I want and how to make sure I keep it his time. No more self destructive behaviour, no more lashing out at other people when I can’t cope with my feelings. If you give me another chance I promise you that this time it will be for keeps. I swear to God that I will never raise another hand to you for as long as I live, I would die first before I harmed you again. I love you and I want you to take me back. If you do I will spend the rest of my life loving you the way you deserve, with all my heart, body and soul”.

Robert sat there, listening to Aaron’s words but he was to emotionally drained to deal with them. He could barely comprehend what they meant to him going forwards it was all just to much. A part of him wanted to argue with Aaron, point out that it wasn’t all about what he wanted, that he had a say as well but he lacked the strength to do so. At that moment in time all he wanted was for Aaron to go, to leave him in peace. He had an air of resignation about him as he finally managed to respond to what he had just heard. “Do you know what the definition of stupidity is? Its doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”.

Robert paused for a moment, dredging up what scant reserves of strength he had left after Aaron’s onslaught. “We hurt each other Aaron, we always have and I think we always will. I don’t have the strength any more to keep putting myself through the pain that we cause each other. For my own sanity I can’t go back to the way we were. I can’t risk letting you back in my life and then losing you again. It would be the death of me”

Aaron squeezed Robert’s hands, trying to comfort him. It broke his heart to see the distress Robert was in. A part of him hated himself for causing Robert so much pain but he knew that he couldn’t give up now, he was fighting for their future. “I understand why you feel the way you do, but I can promise you that things won’t be the same this time round. Neither of us are the same people any more so it would be different”.

Robert looked at Aaron. His voice was little more than a whisper when he spoke. “Why are you so certain?”

Aaron felt a glimmer of hope that maybe his words were making an impact on Robert, getting through the barriers he had erected around himself. He deliberated carefully on what words to use to prove to Robert that he was serious about getting him back, that he was worth one last chance. “I left Emmerdale last year because I needed to be alone, I needed to get away from my family and friends so I could think clearly without them dripping their poison in my ears, telling me what to think, what to feel, what to do, who I should hate. I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror, assessed what I saw and I didn’t like what was reflected back at me”.

Aaron halted for a moment to steady his nerves. “I want to reiterate that I will never forgive myself for physically hurting you the way I did and I can truthfully promise you that as long as I live I will never ever raise another hand to you. I will never take you for granted again. You used to do so much for me, taking care of me all the time, spoiling me. Looking back I don’t believe that I ever said thank you enough, that I truly showed you how much I did really appreciated what you did for me. That’s going to change to. I want to show you the same support that you have always shown me, there must have been times when you really needed me and I was to blind to see. Going forward that’s going to change to, I want you to understand that you can lean on me in return, that I will take care of you whenever you need me and that you don’t have to be strong all the time. If you give me one more chance I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy and I will love and cherish you until the last breath leaves my body”.

Aaron found that he had run out of words, he looked deeply into Robert’s eyes to see if he could gauge what his husband was thinking, what effect his declaration had had on him. He could see that Robert was struggling to maintain his composure. A few more tears had leaked from his eyes and were slowly making their way down his face. Aaron suddenly felt terrible, yet again he had been selfish. He had been so determined to get Robert back he hadn’t thought what anguish it would cause him just springing things out of the blue on him the way he had. “I’ve made you cry, that was the last thing I wanted to do, I so sorry. I’ve been selfish again. I was so wrapped up in what I wanted I didn’t stop to think how much I would hurt you”.

Aaron hung his head. He could no longer meet Robert’s eyes, it was to hard to see the pain he had caused. He was so wrapped up in his own misery that it startled him when Robert took his hands in his. He quickly looked up again and saw that Robert had a tentative smile on his face. His heart began to flutter, he thought that maybe, just maybe there might be a happy ending after all. He waited for Robert to speak.

Robert sniffed. “There’s no need to beat yourself up so badly about what you have just said. You know as well as I do that it was never going to be easy for us meeting again, nothing with us has ever been plain sailing, we always have to do messed up forever”.

Aaron against all the odds found himself smiling. “We certainly know how to do messed up forever. When I spoke to Liv’s she told me that if I was to stand any chance of getting you back I should be prepared to put up one hell of a fight, she told me that I shouldn’t expect an easy ride, that I so did not deserve one anyway. She made it pretty clear that I wasn’t to upset you either”.

Robert curiosity was spiked. “Did she really say all that?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah. She loves you Robert. I know you didn’t do it for me but I am really grateful for everything you have done for her in my absence. She’s loved being with you and getting to meet your family and friends. She really likes them by the way, says they miles better than the Dingles”.

Robert smiled. “They like her to and if its any consolation there are some members of your family that she still likes”.

Aaron laughed, he felt that they were moving into less choppy waters. “Liv says that you have changed quite a bit over the last year. She said that you seem much happier away from Emmerdale, more relaxed and less guarded around people. She told me that I would love the new you even more than the old version”

Robert was knocked of his stride momentarily at what Aaron had just said. “Emmerdale and me were never a good mix, it was the last place on earth I should ever have returned to. My dad forever defined me in everybody’s eyes as I said earlier as a worthless, unlovable waste of space. It worn me down being back there, all the memories of the past haunting me wherever I went. I hardly helped myself either when I returned, you know better than anyone that I was far from being a saint, that I put people’s backs up, so I made things even worse for myself as a result”.

Robert pause to reflect a moment. “When you told me to get out of your life, you gave me no choice but to leave Emmerdale for good and whilst leaving you was the last thing I ever wanted to do it freed me from that village once and for all. It meant that I was no longer surrounding myself with people that constantly ran me down, mocked me behind my back, thought so very little of me all the time. I went back to my old life, surrounded myself with my mother’s family and my friends, it felt so good to be with people that actually loved and cared about me. It was the only good thing to come out of us breaking up”.

Aaron nodded. “I’m so glad that you had people in your life to look after you, that you weren’t alone”. 

Robert reciprocated. “How about you, how did you cope? I know that you spent some time with Ed last New Year but that’s as much as I know”. 

Robert further clarified things “I made it clear to Liv that I didn’t want to talk about you so I’m totally in the dark as to what you have got up to”.

Aaron was taken aback with the first part of what Robert had just said. “Did Liv tell you about me staying with Ed?”

Robert shook his head. “No. Liv didn’t say anything. I saw a picture of you and Ed on Vic’s face book page on New Year’s Eve. She posted that you had moved on to better things”.

Aaron sworn under his breath. “I know she’s your sister Robert but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t a nasty piece of work. What a bloody awful bitch she’s become. I don’t even want to think about what you must have thought reading what she had posted, she was so totally out of order to write what she did”.

Robert smiled ruefully. “To be honest at the time I was to numb to think anything much. As far as I was concerned you had left me and you had also made it pretty clear that you never wanted me again so I figured it wasn’t any of my business who you chose to be with”.

Aaron was sadden about how spiteful Vic’s had been. She must have hurt Robert a great deal. Aaron felt an overwhelming need to reassure Robert that she had got it wrong “Vic was so out of order to have suggested that there was anything going on between me and Ed. We are just mates, nothing more. When I told him that we had split up and I needed to get some space to clear my head he offered me a sofa to crash on. That’s all. I swear to you Robert that since we split up there hasn’t been anybody else”.

Aaron could see the relief on Robert’s face. “You do know don’t you that there could never be anybody else but you?”.

Aaron paused for a second, taking another deep breath before he revealed the heartbreaking truth that he had lived with for to long. “You do realise that you have ruined me for other men, don’t you Robert? That they could never come close to making me feel the way you do. I remember when I tried to move on with Alex, it was doomed from the start, all I was doing then was deluding myself into thinking that he could ever replace you. Everything about him was second best. The only person that will ever make me complete is you, Robert. I need you back if I’m ever to find any peace, I miss you so much, its like a physical pain that won’t go away...”.

Aaron had to stop. The adrenaline that had taken him this far was exhausted. He had said his piece now the ball was in Robert’s court. He looked into Robert’s eyes willing himself to see something that could give him a flicker of hope that his pleads haven’t reached deaf ears.

Robert looked sadly at Aaron. A part of him just wanted to pull Aaron into his arms and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but the man he had become in the last year was more cautious and self protective of himself. “I wish I could say that I’ll take you back but it isn’t that simple. The truth is that you hurt me, hurt me more than I could bear, I was crippled with the pain for months it almost killed me”. 

Aaron went to interrupt but Robert shook his head to stop him. He continued with what he wanted to say “Looking back I know that I played my part in what happened between us, I’m not free from blame and for the part I played in our demise I am truly sorry. I deeply regret the pain I caused you. I wish I had been honest with you right from the start, if I had our lives could have been so much easier and that is something I will regret for the rest of my life”. 

Robert paused, trying to steel himself to continue. “The truth is that I still love you Aaron, but I can’t do as I please any more, I have to take into consideration how it will affect the people around me. I have other priorities that I have to put first before my own needs. I can’t risk putting myself in harm’s way again, I know if I took you back and I lost you again it would be the death of me and I can’t die Aaron, I have Seb and my baby daughter to raise, they need their father. I’m all they have”. 

Robert faltered momentarily because he dreaded the next words he had to say. “I am so sorry Aaron but as much as I want to, I just can’t take you back”.

Aaron felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He rallied himself for one last attempt to win Robert back “A part of me understands why you are so reluctant to have me back, I really do get it, but please Robert just give me one last chance, I’m begging you. Let me prove to you that I can be trusted. We can take things really slowly, as slowly as you want. We could go on dates, get to know each other again, do the whole courting bit. What about us having a drink, say after Christmas?”.

Robert and Aaron were so engrossed in each other that they were startled by a knock on the door. It opened before Robert could say come in. Robert was shocked to the core when he saw Harry enter the room. Harry took one look at Robert’s tear ravaged face and started to seethe. His eyes settled on Aaron. “What the hell has he been saying to you, Robbie?”.

Aaron was started by the vehemence in the man voice, it automatically made him feel apprehensive. There was something in the man’s cold blue eyes that unnerved him, sent a chill down his spine. He had the terrifying thought that the stranger looked like he wanted to kill him. He gulped. Mercifully Robert intervened.

“Aaron came to talk to Rupert about his business. It was just a chance meeting, nothing more, neither of us knew the other would be here and since Aaron and I were in the same place at the same time we have taken the opportunity to talk about various things”.

Harry looked closely at Robert, trying to read his thoughts, gauge the truthfulness of his words. He though Robert was being sincere. “Ah well I guess it is what it is then. At least you still look like your in one piece, not like the last time you were in the same room as that thug”.

Aaron blanched. The man had practically growled out the last sentence. His voice carried an air of menace about it.

Somewhat bizarrely considering the circumstances Robert suddenly remembered his manners. “I don’t think you two have been properly introduced. Aaron I want you to meet my nephew Harry, Harry this is my husband Aaron”.

Neither man made any effort to shake hands. They both glared at each other. Robert could sense the atmosphere in the room, it could be cut with a knife. He tried to ease the tension. “So Harry what are you doing here, I seem to recall that I left you looking after my children”.

Harry started to look uncomfortable. “Well I...”.

Robert interrupted him. “Who called you?”.

Harry started to go red in the face. “Look don’t get mad. We are only looking out for you. When we heard that you were talking to him we were worried that he would hurt you again, you can’t expect us to stand by and do nothing to protect you”.

Robert suppressed his annoyance. “I really do appreciate the fact that you care enough to come all this way to make sure that I am alright but things are fine, you have had a wasted trip”.

Harry huffed, making his displeasure known. He wasn't happy with the current turn of events.

Robert tried again to appease his nephew. “I really am touched that you came all this way Harry but I need you to let me finish talking to Aaron. So can you please just go home and take care of my abandoned kids, I don’t even want to imagine what Seb’s getting up to left to his own devices”.

Harry looked like he wasn’t going to budge, he had a mutinous air about him. Robert pointedly glanced towards the door and he very reluctantly took the hint. He took one last look at Aaron. “I’m going now but if Robbie comes home and there is even a hint of a mark on him you will have me to answer to and trust me laddie I’m the last person you would ever want to get on the wrong side of”.

Harry went to leave. Just as he was preparing to shut the door on them to give them their privacy back once more he spoke to Robert. “Oh and just for the record I left Priya looking after your kids”.

With that he left, leaving Robert and Aaron alone once more.

Aaron sighed in relief after Harry had gone. “Wow, he was a bundle of laughs. You didn’t tell me you’d got a rottweiler as company for Freddie”.

Robert laughed. “I would say that his bark is worse than his bite but I'd be lying".

Aaron looked uneasy. Robert smiled at him. “Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt you”.

Aaron grimaced. “I think I should be saying thanks for that, so where were we before we were so rudely interrupted. I remember. Date night”.

Robert went very still. He was in a quandary about what to say. He could see that Aaron was waiting for an answer. “I don’t know”.

Aaron took hold of Robert’s hands and entwined them with his own. “Please Robert, think about it, what have you got to lose. I promise you that this time it will be different, you won’t regret giving me another chance, I swear. If you will let me Robert, I will spend the rest of my life loving you the way you deserve. I will be the best husband you could ever wish for”.

Robert bowed his head. The tears began to flow down his cheeks, what was it about Aaron that left him such an emotional wreck. Aaron got up and went round to Robert’s side of the desk. He sat on the corner of the table and lent over so he could tenderly wiped Robert's tears away but they still kept falling. Aaron pulled Robert up into a standing position and put his arms around him, holding him close, offering him all the comfort he could. He felt helpless. As Aaron held his husband tight, he breathed in the familiar scent, his husband trademark and felt the tears forming in his own eyes as the pain of what he had lost hit him with force. For the first time in over a year he finally felt that he had come home. He pulled Robert closer, savouring the exquisite feel of his husband’s body pressed next to his, trying to memorise how it felt just in case it was the last time he every got to hold Robert. After a while he felt Robert gently pull away.

Aaron looked into Robert’s tear ravaged face and felt a pang of guilt that he was responsible for his distress. A part of him wanted to hold Robert in his arms for the rest of eternity but he instinctively knew that he needed to leave. That if he pressed to hard at this moment in time he could lose everything. That he needed to give Robert some space to get his head around things.

Aaron hesitated, he was rooted to the spot, he didn’t want to go. He was terrified that if he went he would never see Robert again and the very thought of that happening ripped his heart apart. “I think it might be for the best if I went now, give you a chance to get your head around things but before I go I want you to know that I meant every word I said. If you give me one last chance I swear to God you will never regret it. I love you Robert, I always will, let me prove it, please”.

Robert nodded. “I believe you Aaron, but the truth is I just don’t know if I have the strength to try again”.

Aaron smiled sadly. “What you, are you kidding me, you’re the strongest person I have ever met. Your are amazing Robbie Merrick and I love you with all my heart”.

Robert felt the tears flow down his face once more. Aaron went to comfort him again but Robert stepped back. “Please don’t. You right, you need to go now Aaron, I need to be alone with my own thoughts”.

Aaron stepped back. He walked to the door, giving Robert one last lingering look, said his goodbyes and left. As he walked out of the building he felt numb. He couldn’t bear to contemplate whether he done enough to win his husband back. He knew that failure wasn’t an option he could live with.

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert went and sat behind his desk. He felt like his whole well constructed world had just been blown apart. That all the months of carefully rebuilding his life counted for nought because he had built the foundations on quick sand. All it took was for him to see Aaron again and he was back to square one. He blew his nose and wiped away the remnants of his tears. At that moment in time he felt totally lost, he hadn’t got a clue what the hell he was going to do. 

Robert’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard a knock on the door. He answered come in and Rupert walked though the door. He looked very sheepish.

Rupert couldn’t met Robert’s eyes. “I’ve finished the work you asked me to do”.

Robert looked pointedly at Rupert, making sure that the younger man began to squirm under his gaze. “Did you call Harry?”.

Rupert blanched. “Well I, em...”

Robert interrupted. “It’s either a yes or a no”.

Rupert defiantly looked at Robert and said no.

Robert thought about it for a bit. “I see, so it was Pete you called then”.

Rupert looked aghast as Robert hit the nail on the head. He decided to go out with all guns blazing. “I did called Pete and I’m not sorry I did. He asked to to look out for you and I am not apologising for doing that. You know you can be a very demanding prickly man to work for but despite you being you I have become very fond of you and I will not stand by and see you get hurt...”. 

Rupert stalled, horrified at his outburst. He had the sinking feeling that he was going to get the sack for overstepping the mark. It then occurred to him that Robert might have got the wrong end of the stick when he said he was fond of him, he turned bright scarlet. Robert’s next words shocked him to the core. “Thank you. I know that I’m not the easiest of people to work for and I do appreciate all your efforts, but for the record if you ever go behind my back again you are done working for me”.

Robert smiled at him before adding. “Oh by the way, whilst I am touched that you are fond of me I somehow don’t think I’m your type”.

Rupert drew in a sharp intake of breath. He could feel himself going scarlet again. He took a closer look at Robert and saw that there was amusement sparkling in his eyes. Robert started to laugh and Rupert joined in, relief coursing through him at he had survived practically unscathed. 

“So Rupert, shall we take a look at what you’ve done. I don’t know about you but I want to get this acquisition sorted out once and for all so we can both go home and begin the Christmas holidays”.

Rupert grateful that they were moving back to more familiar territory nodded and started to talk him through his workings.

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert sat in the conservatory, a glass of whiskey in front of him. He had poured it out over thirty minutes ago but so far he had left it untouched. His mind was in a quandary, meeting Aaron had left him feeling uneasy and all at sea. He didn’t know what to think any more. He stared out of the windows looking out into the blackness that was intermittently dispersed with bright Christmas lights and saw absolutely nothing. 

Harry came in and sat down next to him. He looked pointedly at the whiskey. “How many of those have you had?”.

Robert looked down at his drink. “None. I poured it out a while back but I haven’t touched a drop. I was frightened that if I started to drink I wouldn’t be able to stop myself”.

“That bad is it?”.

Robert nodded.

Harry picked up the whiskey and took a sip. He savoured the taste. He had to hand it to his uncle, he had excellent taste in booze. “So what did Aaron have to say for himself”

Robert paused before he blurted it out. “He said that he wants me back”.

Harry let out a loud whistling sound. “Seriously. He’s not seen you in over a year and he just waltzed into your office and says something like that. What did you say to that, was it yes or no?”.

Robert stared out of the window. “Neither”.

Harry joined Robert in staring out of the window. “What are you planning on saying?”

Robert sighed. “I don’t know that either”.

Harry mulled it over. “Is there a deadline for you giving him your answer?”.

Robert shook his head. “No. But he suggested that we should go on dates. He wants us to go for a drink after Christmas”.

Harry laughed. “Sounds sensible”.

Robert turned to look at Harry, shock etched all over his face ."Are you being serious!”.

Harry looked at Robert. “You can’t continue the way you are”.

Robert was taken aback by Harry's words. “What on earth do you mean?”.

Harry studied Robert closely. Saw the confusion and suffering in his eyes. “From what I’ve heard you’ve turned your nose up at everybody that’s tried to get close to you this last year. It’s my guess that its because of that husband of yours, I don’t understand how he’s done it but he’s got under your skin and now nobody else but him will do. I know this is something that you will never admit to but there are time when you are so lonely. You’re still a comparatively young man Robbie, do you seriously want to spend the rest of you life without anybody by your side? A life without love Robbie is no life at all.

Robert leaned his head back against the sofa and sighed. His mind was in turmoil. Harry’s words along with Aaron’s were to much for his brain to cope with right know. He knew that he would not get any rest tonight, his thought would keep him awake.

...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron sat on the sofa at the Mill. Mercifully his mother and Paddy had gone to bed leaving him and Liv alone. He had been quiet throughout the evening, barely saying two words. When he had been quizzed on why he was being so reticent he had lied and said he was struggling to comprehend how big the scrap business had got in his absence, that his new found wealth was a lot to take in. Thankfully his 'parents' had bought it but Liv obviously hadn’t judging by the looks she was giving him now. 

“So are you really going to tell me what’s up Aaron?”.

Aaron checked that they were not in danger of being overheard before he answered. “I bumped into Robert today. He turned up at Merrick and Associates by chance when I was there meeting that Rupert bloke”.

Liv was concerned. “Did you speak to him?”

Aaron nodded. 

When Aaron was not forthcoming Liv quizzed him. “What happened?”.

Aaron pondered on what to tell her. He chose to be honest. “I told Robert I wanted him back”.

Liv whistled. “How did that go?”.

Aaron stared into space. “He didn’t say yes, but then he didn’t say no either. So I asked him if we could have a drink together after Christmas”.

“What did he say to that?”.

“He was non committal, said he needed time to think about it”.

“What did you expect? That Robert would welcome you back with loving arms?. You really hurt him Aaron. You’ve got a lot of ground to make up for before he should give you another chance”.

Aaron was speechless for a moment. “Who’s side are you on?”.

Liv looked at him. “Both of yours. I want nothing more than to see you both back together again. Your both hopeless without each other, your two separate parts that make up one whole. I don’t think that either of you will be happy again without each other, but here’s the thing, I don’t want Robert to make it easy for you. You need to step up and prove to him that you should be part of his life again, that he can be able to trust you not to hurt him again”.

Aaron looked downcast. “How do you propose I do that then”

“That’s part of the test. Robert was always doing nice things for you, now it your turn to think of something nice to do for him. Show him how much you care, make him feel special”.

With that remark Liv got up and went to bed leaving Aaron staring into space once more. He racked his brains for something he could do to prove to Robert how much he cared about him. He kept coming up blank. What the hell could he give to a multi millionaire that had all the money in the world to buy whatever he wanted. He eventually gave up and went to bed. He felt bone weary as he walked up the stairs to his lonely bed. 

As Aaron laid down on the bed he doubted that sleep would come, but perversely as soon as he closed his eyes he drifted into slumber. He allowed himself to dream that one day he and Robert would be back together again.


	20. When Aaron met Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron get tired of waiting for Robert to call him and goes to visit him at his new home. 
> 
> He gets an unsuspected surprise when it's Harry that opens the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything happens on one day. The 28th December 2021.
> 
> I had meant to alternate between Aaron meeting Harry and Robert talking to his grandmother in Spain but the chapter just kept growing and it would have been far to long! So the next chapter will cover Robert being in Spain, trying up some lose ends from this chapter and the moving events on to the 31st December 2021.

28th December 2021

Aaron sat looking at his phone. It had been four days now since he had talked to Robert and still nothing. He was getting fed up with waiting. He was realistic enough to understand that Robert wasn’t going to welcome him back with open arms after what he had done to him but he had thought that he had at least made some inroads into getting Robert to talk to him again. The silence between them was slowly tearing him apart. As each day passed he was becoming more despondent that he had ruined everything beyond repair, that Robert's lack of communication was evident of that. Aaron didn't even what to begin to allow himself to think what his future held if Robert was never to be a part of it again, it was to agonising to even contemplate.

When he had quizzed Liv about how Robert was she had been non-committal. The only information that he had managed to get out of her was that Robert had been busy over Christmas due to having a house full of relatives and hadn’t had a moment to himself. Aaron had to admit to himself that he had been jealous of Liv. She had got to see Robert twice now, once a brief visit on Christmas morning and then she had disappeared nearly all Boxing Day. Chas had been curious about who Liv had spent the day with but she had just nonchalantly shrugged it off and said that she had spent it with a friend from university and left it at that.

When he thought back to Christmas Day he had marvelled at how Liv had managed to visit Robert and still remain under his Mum and Paddy’s radar. She had legged it as soon as they had made their way to the Woolpack to get ready to open up and arrived back before they returned so to all intense and purposes they thought that she had remained at the Mill all morning with him. Aaron had covered for her, made up some story about them watching a film, the last thing he had wanted on Christmas Day was a massive family row. 

Aaron remembered how he had been open mouthed when he saw all the bags that she had returned with from her visit to Robert. At the time he had visibly paled at the thought of what would happen if his mum or Paddy came home unannounced, saw them and demanded an explanation as to where they came from, he knew Liv would have told them the truth and then all hell would have broken lose. Robert was still a very dirty word within the Dingle clan.

Aaron had helped her take all the presents to her room and put them in the wardrobe away from prying eyes. She had shown him the things that Robert had bought her. Designer clothes, track shoes, computer games and the latest trendy watch. He had been dis-quietened by Robert’s generosity, feeling ill at ease with the amount that everything must of cost. Liv had just shrugged it off, said that Robert enjoyed spoiling her and that she made sure that he realised how much she appreciated his kindness and it was something he had to know that she would never ever take for granted. Aaron had wondered if that was a dig at him but looking at Liv’s face he didn’t detect any spite.

The thing though that had shocked him the most was when Liv had pulled out one of the presents and handed it to him. As soon as he held the parcel in his hands he knew immediately what it was. The only thing he didn’t know was how bad it was going to be on a scale of 1 to 10. When he opened the parcel and saw the jumper he had been hit with wave after wave of nostalgia, so much so that tears sprang to his eyes. How so like Robert to have remembered the tradition that had sprung up between them of buying each other the most appalling jumpers they could find. He smiled through the tears as he thought that it was the worst one yet. He wondered what Robert’s face had been like when he had opened his parcel and seen the jumper he had bought him in return. Liv had acted as their intermediary, she said that Aaron's present had made him smile and she then passed on Robert’s thanks for the gift. Aaron would have prefer a quick call or at the very least a text, but neither had been forthcoming.

As Aaron managed to clear his mind of his musings about Christmas Day he made a snap decision. He grabbed his coat and headed out of the door. He decided to walk, the last thing he wanted was for anybody to see his car parked where it shouldn’t be. There had been enough gossip as it was about the ‘big house’ and it’s inhabitants without him being dragged into it all before he was ready by being spotted there. He shuddered to think what his family’s reaction would be to Robert owning the place, they would quiz him remorseless until they found out the truth, it didn't bear thinking about. The proverbial would well and truly hit the fan. It made his head ache just to think of the rows that would ensue.

As he walked, Aaron recollected what it had been like at the Woolpack a couple of nights ago when Priya had turned up for a drink with her family. He had listened as she had been quizzed relentlessly by the locals about the owner of Mere Place. 

Since Priya had apparently moved into one of the wings of the mansion of Mere Place with her mysterious boyfriend Harry Morgan he had learned via his mum that she had kept herself away from the village as much as possible. Aaron suspected that it had been to avoid the intrusions into her privacy although his mum had uncharitably put it down to Priya being a jumped up snooty cow who had gotten above herself. From overhearing other conversations, in various locations in the village Aaron realised it just wasn’t his mum that had a downer on Priya either, the majority of the locals were also thinking the same, that she was playing at being lady muck because she of all people had unbelievable snagged herself the nephew of a multi millionaire.

Aaron had been struck by the similarities of what Priya was going through now compared to what Robert had faced when he had moved to Home Farm with Chrissie White and her family. He felt a fresh wave of sympathy towards Robert for what he had had to endure back then and what he would have to face in the future when people learned the truth about who he really was. As much as he didn’t want to he realised that he had to face the facts that there was a meanness in the Emmerdale folk towards anybody that had dared to move on to better things. He concluded that Robert was well rid of the lot of them including his family.

Aaron still couldn’t fathom how Priya had managed to keep the success of his business Holey Scrap under wraps and at the same time downplay her close relationship with Robert. He shook his head, it was still a complete mystery to him.

Another thing that Aaron realised Priya had done was to keep Harry Morgan out of sight, even at family gatherings. So far none of the locals had seen him in the village. It had taken their inquisitiveness to even greater heights if that had been humanly possible. 

Aaron surmised from his brief meeting with Harry, seeing first hand how protective he had been of Robert that he would probably have given the game away about Robert's true identity if he had frequented the village. He believed that all it would have took was for Harry to listen to people bad mouthing his uncle for him to have erupted, he wouldn’t have wasted anytime in doling out some well deserved home truths to all and sundry in Robert’s defence. Aaron smiled to himself. A part of him was looking forward to that day.

Aaron went back to thinking about Priya. He had marvelled as she had gallantly batted away all their questions, maintaining her composure even when they become far to intrusive in their probings. The same though could not be said of Jai, Rishi and Manpreet, he had detected their unease with the constant onslaught of questions and sensed their discomfort. He wondered how long it would be before they gave the game away. He pondered on how they felt about the mysterious Robbie Merrick being the man that they had once known as Robert Sugden. Whilst he had never heard then being overly critical about Robert he was under no illusion that they had much respect for him either. Aaron had maliciously hoped that it had left them reeling on their arses.

Aaron realised to his amusement that he was now becoming a fully paid up member of Team Robert. When he had sat nursing his pints in the Woolpack he had secretly been laughing inwardly at all of locals, recalling all of their faults and self righteous behaviour, how they constantly maligned others without any self awareness of their own dubious past misdeeds. A part of him now couldn’t wait to see their faces when they found out the truth that the great man in the mansion was Robert. He was looking forward to seeing them deal with the fact that the much maligned ugly duckling had turned into a big bloody magnificent swan right under their noses and that to add insult to injury he was a hell of a rich swan at that who swam in exclusive waters with some very high powered people, the likes of which wouldn’t give them the time of day. 

Aaron knew he was still struggling to cope with his own discovery that he was now worth a few million let alone get his head around how much Robert was worth. He had read various reports online that had estimated Robert’s wealth from anything between six and eight hundred million pounds. He was staggered with what he had read, he couldn’t imagine how anyone let alone Robert could possible have amassed that much money over a relatively short period. It wasn’t until he had read about all of Robert’s successes via Merrick Capital Investments that he had understood. Robert had the Midas touch in choosing the right company’s to invest in. Several of the company’s had made him and his partner Pete McNamera millions when they had floated them on the Stock Market plus they still retained large stock holdings in each of the company’s that lead to lucrative dividends being received each year.

Aaron let out a huge sigh. Thinking about money had made him realise that he was going to have to tell his mum and Paddy the truth about his business pretty soon, his mum in particular had started asking some pointed questions. He had been putting it off since he found out, trying to avoid the fall out that would follow as long as he could. He knew that the very mention of Robert’s name would instantly cause an almighty row and he knew that he wouldn't cope with her bad mouthing Robert any more.

Judging from the snide comments that he had heard following his return it seemed that all his family with the exception of Liv and Faith still hated Robert with a vengeance, Aaron realised that was down to him in part for not confirming that Faith had been right when she had told the family that maybe Robert hadn’t cheated on him after all. He had remembered how Faith had been shot down in flames for even daring to suggest that Robert hadn’t been given a fair hearing. He suspected that Faith had been the one to help facilitate Liv’s visits to Robert over the last year, Faith had always had a soft spot for Robert and judging by some of the smart clothes she had been wearing lately he had a sneaking suspicion that it hadn’t just been Liv that had been the recipient of Robert’s generosity. From what his Mum had told him Faith had taken Liv under her wing and accompanied her on several holidays and weekend breaks when he had been away.

Aaron mused that the reason he was so uncomfortable with being rich were hang ups from his childhood and early adulthood. When Gordon had lost his job shortly after his mum had walked out on them when he had been eight year old, money had been tight and they had lived on the bread line for a while until Gordon had found work again. There had been no money for fancy, frivolous things, they had barely had enough for food. He had learned to do without, learned to accept that he couldn’t have the things other people had. Now that he enough money to buy within reason whatever he wanted there was still that ingrained guilt about wasting it on expensive non essentials items. It also made him feel guilty paying out for expensive stuff when so many of his family had to work for every penny they had just to keep afloat. How could he in all conscience spend ridiculous amounts of money on clothes and trainers when it could be the equivalent of the cost of several weeks worth of food for say Sam and Lydia.

Aaron also admitted that there were other reasons to. As much as he hated to dwell on the subject he knew that the abuse that Gordon had subjected him to had left deep psychological scars. 

Thanks to the counselling sessions and Robert’s constant support he had learned to live with what had happened, but deep down those memories would always be with him, causing him pain. There were still bad days when he didn’t want to get out of bed and face a new day, where the memories of the past would cripple him until he managed to get them under control once more. It was on those days that he wrongly still felt that he was dirty and worthless, that he was the last person that deserved anything good in his life, let alone to be rich and successful and even loved for that matter. 

Aaron knew deep down he was being irrational but that still didn’t make it any easier to bear. Aaron remembered with a pang of sadness that it had been Robert who had always told him that he was being daft. Aaron remembered how Robert used to take him in hand, how he would tell him he was amazing, that he deserved all the love and happiness in the world, that in his eyes he wasn’t dirty or worthless, that he was perfect in every way and he loved the bones of him. 

Aaron felt a lump in his throat as the nostalgia of better days hit him hard. He cursed himself for ruining everything, tormenting himself as to why he hadn’t truly realised what he had until he had carelessly thrown it away. Aaron mused that he had learned the hard way, that after being separated from Robert he knew how much he needed Robert to comfort him and make things better. The separation had also emphasised to him just how much Robert had done for him. He had taken Robert for granted. Aaron vowed to himself that if by some miracle he got another chance with Robert he would never make the same mistake again.

As Aaron continued his long walk to Mere Place he did admit to himself that when he had been with Robert he had had a better quality of life than he had ever known prior to their being together. When they had lived at the Mill Robert had slowly changed his way of life. They had proper coffee in the mornings, none of the instant stuff, then there was the change of diet, Robert had cooked him delicious nourishing food most evenings, although to be fair he hadn’t totally made him cut out all the junk food, they still got to enjoy the odd pizza and burger now and again. Aaron laughed to himself as he recalled how Robert had even got him drinking red wine, him of all people. Then there had been the incredible holidays and awesome presents. He still had the Rolex that Robert had bought him on the last Valentine’s Day they had had together, it was one of his most treasured possessions. But in Aaron’s mind all these changes that had been made to his life were still comparatively modest when compared to what he considered were posh rich people’s standards. In no way had it prepared him with being a millionaire. 

Aaron went back to thinking about how he was going to tell his mother about his newly discovered wealth. She would be relentless in digging out every last fact and figure. He knew he would have to brace himself to deal with her incredulity that it had been Robert who had been responsible for building the business up to its current lofty status. He had known that behind Robert’s back she and Charity had always mocked his husband’s so called pretensions of being some kind of Alan Sugar or would be Richard Branson. The only good thing that would come of the revelations would be to see their faces, see the smug grins knocked of their faces. In some ways he thought it would make all the grief he was going to get worth it.

For some reason though Aaron was loathed to tell them how Robert had managed to achieve what he had. He wanted Robert to keep his true identity from them as long as he possibly could. Since his conversation with Robert a few days ago he had thought long and hard over what he had said to him and with reflection he realised how right Robert had been about the way people in Emmerdale had treated him. He didn’t want Robert to have to endure their false smiles and insincerity, have them crawling around him because they thought that now he was wealthy he was worth their time. They should have treated him properly from day one. He was adamant that Robert deserved so much better and vowed to protect him as much as he could. As he made himself that promise he bitterly mused that he guessed it was better late than never.

Aaron didn’t even want to contemplate what it was going to be like for him when the news of his wealth filtered down to the rest of his family, what their reaction would be when they realised they had a millionaire in their midst. He wasn’t looking forward to the scrutiny they were going to put him under, having to see the avaricious gleam in their eyes as they looked at him. Not that he wouldn’t mind helping some of them out, it was just the fact that they would take it for granted that his money was now theirs. He felt disgusted as he realised that even though they hated Robert they wouldn’t baulk at spending the money his endeavours had been responsible for creating. It was the hypocrisy that made him feel sick to the stomach. Whilst he was not arrogant enough to put himself in Robert’s shoes he was beginning to understand how difficult it must be for him with his vast sums of money to ever truly trust people’s motives in wanting to get to know him. How could he ever be able to trust their sincerity when they said they genuinely liked him for himself without him having doubts that there were no ulterior motive behind their offer of friendship. Whilst he was still unhappy about Robert’s deceit there was a part of him that was beginning to understand his reticence about revealing his true self.

Before he realised it Aaron was stood outside the gates of Mere Place. He looked up at the imposing building and felt overwhelmed. Whilst he and Robert had spent a week at Home Farm and stayed in some amazing hotels together the thought of him living in a mansion like this, at it being his home was hard to comprehend. Not that he was allowing himself to get ahead of himself. The talk he and Robert had a few days ago had had a sobering effect on him. He knew that he had to prove to Robert he was worth that one last chance, show him he had changed for the good.

Aaron could feel his nerves getting the better of him. Now he was here he was hesitant about what to do. The paradox was that Robert was so close yet so far away at the same time. The mansion walls looked impenetrable. How was he going to get inside to see Robert if he refused to open the door to him. 

Aaron finally plucked up his courage, it was now or never. He noticed that there was an intercom on the wall near the gate. He pressed the button. He found that he was trembling as he impatiently waited with baited breath to hear a voice telling him he could come in. He willed Robert to answer, there were still so many things he wanted to say to him. Since their last meeting he had done a lot of soul searching and knew that for both of their sakes he had to make Robert understand how sorry he was, not just for attacking him but for all the other ways he had let him down. He knew that he hadn’t been the only one of them to have screwed up but this time he wanted to be the one to start to make things right again, he wanted it to be his turn to make a grand gesture to Robert to prove how much he loved him. 

Aaron was so lost in his thoughts that he was shocked when he heard a strange voice on the intercom asking him what he wanted. It took him a few minutes to realise the voice belonged to that Scottish bloke who had interrupted his meeting with Robert a few days ago. He racked his brains to remember what his name had been. Harry something.

Aaron sworn under his breath. Typical, of all the people he could end up talking to it had be Robert’s Rottweiler. “It Aaron, I’m here to talk to Robert”.

Harry cursed. Just what he wanted, Robert’s errant husband turning up at the door. It was bad enough trying to look after a hyperactive Seb and that shite dog without having to deal with more hassle in the form of Aaron bloody Dingle turning up uninvited. Harry cursed when he realised that he was unlikely to take go away as an answer. Nevertheless he tried. “You wasting your time, Robert’s not in”.

Now that he was here Aaron was prepare to dig his heels in. He steadfastly refused to let Harry stop him achieving his goal of speaking to Robert. “Stop messing me about and tell Robert I am here and need to talk to him”.

Harry started to get annoyed. “What is wrong with you, do you not understand English? I just told you that Robert is out”.

Aaron refused to back down. “You really expect me to believe that? Just tell Robert to come to the door and speak to me”.

Harry groaned, why couldn’t Aaron just go away. He could hear Seb calling to him in the background. The little laddie wanted his attention yet again in helping him with his alphabet puzzle. As much as he loved Seb, the little boy was proving to be quite a handful today, so much so he was driving Harry to his wits end. Seb had constantly been on the go from the moment he had got up, he had not stop demanding Harry’s constant attention to play with him. It was beginning to wear thin.

Harry marvelled how Robert seemed to take fatherhood in his stride. He never seemed fazed by Seb at all, in fact he made looking after him seem simple. Robert was always patient with Seb, taking this time to ensure his son was happy, engaged and content. Harry mused how Seb responded in kind, he was usually so well behaved when his Dad was around and had been know to play on his own for a while, leaving Robert in peace to get on with some work. Harry mused that he wasn’t likely to have the same bloody luck, just when he had numerous emails he needed to response to Seb was constantly craving his attention and making it impossible to get any work done.

Harry heard the sound of the intercom buzzing yet again and started to mutter under his breath, trying his best not to say anything out loud. Another one of Seb traits was the unfortunate habit of overhearing things that he shouldn’t and repeating them. Since Harry had the habit of cursing it hadn’t taken Robert long to put two and two together and realise where Seb was picking up the choice language from. Robert had given Harry a severe dressing down for saying inappropriate words within his son’s hearing. When Harry had shrugged it off, Robert had got on his high horse and told him it was alright for him as he wasn’t the one that had to issue a grovelling apology to the head of the nursery about his son’s bad language and then been made to promise faithfully that it wouldn’t happen again. Robert, by then in full rant mode had told Harry how mortifying it had been that the snooty condescending holier than though cow that ran the nursery now regarded him as a bad father through no fault of his own. Any contrition Harry might of felt was put on hold when Seb, who unbeknown to his father had listened to every word he had said asked his dad why he was saying Miss Manford was a snooty cow. Harry had then sat there laughing to himself as he listened to Robert explaining to Seb why he shouldn’t tell Miss Manford what he had said.

As the buzzer sounded yet again Harry made a snap decision. He told Seb to stay put and made his way to the front door. He pressed a button on the control panel in the main hall reception area and the side door opened, allowing Aaron access to the mansion’s grounds. Harry opened the front door, he watched as Aaron made his way towards where he was standing. As Aaron got closer Harry could see the disappointment mounting on his face when he realised it was him and not Robert at the door.

As Harry stood there waiting, he heard a noise behind him. He looked back and saw that it was Seb. He muttered yet another curse under his breath. It was typical of how his day was going. To make matters even worse the little boy spotted Aaron straight away and sneaked by Harry before he could stop him. As Seb ran towards Aaron he let out a squeal of delight that his Daddy Aaron had come to visit. 

Aaron smiled as the little boy came hurtling towards him. He had missed Seb so much, whatever his feelings at various times had been towards Robert his love for that precious little boy hadn’t changed. He loved him as if he were his own flesh and blood. As the little boy got closer Aaron started to have some qualms about whether he should hug his ‘son’. He looked hesitatingly at Harry. Aaron knew all to well that it wouldn’t be fair on Seb for him to come back into his life only to disappear again. Something that he knew was a distinct possibility if Robert decided he didn’t want anything more to do with him in the future.

Harry saw the concern on Aaron’s face. He nodded to Aaron, giving his unspoken permission for him to pick Seb up. Harry watched closely as Aaron bent down and picked the little boy up and hugged him tightly in his arms. As Aaron made his way to the door, Harry looked closely at Seb and could see that the little boy was beaming ear to ear as he chattered non stop. It was obvious that he adored Aaron. It was also patently clear that Seb was not the least bit afraid of the man, in fact it was the complete opposite, he clearly felt safe in his arms. 

Harry thought carefully about what his next move should be. It was initially his temper that had brought him to the door, he had got sick and tried of Aaron pressing the intercom button and hassling him about seeing Robert. He had planned to tell Aaron face to face to sod off in no uncertain terms, but now having seen Aaron with Seb together he was having second thoughts. An old saying came to mind. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Harry made his decision. When Aaron finally reached the door he stepped aside and invited him in.

Aaron under the impression that he was about to be taken to see Robert walked through the door without any second thoughts. As soon as he stepped foot inside the building he was immediately hit by the grandeur of the reception area. It was vast. Aaron had often wondered what the mansion would be like inside but if this room was any indication as to what the rest of the place was like then it was going to exceed all the images he had conjured up in his mind so far. Aaron reckoned that the floor looked it was marble. In the centre of the room there was a large table with a huge bowl of artfully arranged flowers on it. There were alcoves in the side walls, that had cupboards at the bottom then shelves that contained various ornaments and glassware, each item artfully blending together in the epitome of good taste.

Aaron felt instantly overwhelmed. He looked down at his feet and noticed that he still had his muddy boots on. He felt himself redden with embarrassment, he had no idea what the etiquette was for visiting a mansion. Mercifully Harry had noticed his discomfort and went to a side room and opened the door to reveal a spacious closet for hanging coats, storing footwear and other paraphernalia that would ruin the ambience of the reception area.

Aaron handed Seb over to Harry so he could make himself presentable. When he had taken his coat and shoes off Harry led him through the building until they reached the conservatory where he had been with Seb until Aaron had so rudely interrupted his early afternoon. Aaron followed meekly behind him, taking in his surroundings. His senses were being assailed from every direction. The more he looked around him the more disquiet he felt at the splendour of the place. Aaron was sure that each piece of furniture, every fixture and fitting would have been very expensive. He shuddered to think what everything must have cost, he recollected that he had been shocked by how much Robert had spent kitting the Mill out but in comparison he mused it would had been petty cash compared to what he must have spend on this place. 

Aaron felt a growing foreboding about the wisdom of coming to visit Robert at his new home. A sense of dread settled around his heart. He felt so totally out of place. All his old insecurities began to flare up inside him, he began to question himself, how could he Aaron Dingle ever live in a place like this. Deep down a part of him felt like crying. Seeing this place emphasised to him once and for all that Robert Sugden was gone forever, that Robbie Merrick had taken his place. It was obvious Robert wasn’t going to go back to his old life and he believed that that being the case it probably meant it couldn’t include him any more either. Why would a man that had such fabulous wealth want a nobody like him in his life, somebody that would stick out like a sore thumb in his re-found world. Aaron was so lost in his misery that he was startled when Harry coughed to gain his attention. “Do you want some coffee?”

Aaron nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak, in truth he would have preferred tea but his emotions were all over the place and he didn’t want Harry to hear the pain in his voice if he had answered. Aaron heard Seb ask if he could please have some juice and chocolate and it managed to cheer him up slightly, some things he realised hadn’t completely changed after all, Seb still had the sweet tooth he had inherited from his Dad. 

Looking closely at the little boy Aaron could see that he had grown quite a lot. He was tall for his age, long limbed like his Dad. His hair was the same blond and his skin was like porcelain. He looked closely at Seb’s face, he was beginning to resemble Robert even more the older he got and he tried to see of he could detect any freckles but sadly there didn’t appear to be any. A part of him was disappointed, Robert’s freckles were one of the many things that he loved about his husband. Aaron felt another wave of nostalgia hit him as he started to internally list why he loved Robert so much and he gave himself a mental shake to get a grip of his emotions before he turned into a blubbering mess in front of a man he suspected despised him and a little boy that would be distressed to see him cry.

Whilst Harry wasn’t in sight Aaron took his time to look around the room he found himself in once more. He began to feel slightly easier in his surroundings. There was something about the room that made him feel more comfortable. He tried to put his finger on what it was and then it hit him all at once that the room seemed deceptively ordinary. Whilst everything was obviously high quality stuff it was put together in a way that wasn’t intimidating unlike the other rooms he had seen so far. It had been designed for comfort rather than grandeur. Aaron felt further hearten when he looked out of the glass wall and saw the Dales in the distance, it reassured him that he was still in Yorkshire and not some fairy world that he had accidentally stepped in.

Aaron hesitated a moment unsure about what to do and then decided to make himself at home on one of the comfy looking sofa’s facing the garden. As soon as he was seated Seb took the opportunity to plonk himself on his lap for a cuddle. Seb started chatting away ten to the dozen again asking him where he had been and had he come back to stay with Daddy when Harry came back with the coffee and refreshments and interrupted him mid flow. 

Harry, laden with a tray of refreshments made this way back to where his unwelcome guest had made himself at home. He instantly assessed the situation. He would see that Seb was happily chatting to Aaron, that the little boy was in seventh heaven. Harry was perturbed. This was something he wasn’t comfortable with. He cursed again that Seb hadn’t done as he was told and stayed put, blast the kid. Harry was cross with himself, Robert had entrusted his precious son in his safe keeping and he let him down. He wasn’t sure what Robert would feel about his estranged ex being anywhere near his son. Harry knew that he was going to have to tell Robert about the encounter before Seb spilled the beans, there was no way Seb wouldn’t tell his dad that he had met Aaron when they chatted on Skype later that evening. He just hoped that Robert would understand that if he had dragged Seb away once he had seen Aaron that it could have caused even more harm than good. Harry mused that without a doubt it had been a catch 22 scenario.

To delay talking to his guest, Harry busied himself pouring coffee and handing out cakes and biscuits before he reluctantly sat down and finally addressed the elephant in the room. He was definitely regretting his rush of blood of going to confront Aaron face to face, damn that temper of his, but everything said in some ways he wasn’t to disappointed after all to have the man sat in front of him. Every since he had meet Aaron back at Robert’s office a few days ago it had whetted his curiosity as to what the hell his uncle had seen in the man. Harry thought that he wasn’t the most handsome man he had ever seen, but then Jamie had been plainer still and Robert had thought him the most beautiful man alive and he certainly wasn’t the most charismatic of people either, it fact he had seemed to be well grumpy, so what was it about him that had made him so special. It was something Harry wanted to discover for himself.

Aaron took a sip of his coffee. It was really nice. It was even better than what they used to drink when they had been together at the Mill, but then Aaron mused that Robert could indulge himself by having the very best that money could buy now. He no longer had to cut his cloth according to what somebody like Robert Sugden could realistically afford. He looked over at Seb who had left his lap and gone to sit near Harry. He was totally engrossed in munching on a chocolate doughnut and teasing Freddie with feigned offers of having a piece. He noticed that Harry gave Seb some Doggy buttons to give to Freddie instead.

Aaron warily watched Harry out of the corner of his eye. The man was unsettling him, his piercing blue eyes felt like they were boring into his very soul and stripping him bare. The uneasy he had felt earlier came back with a vengeance.

Aaron coughed to clear his throat, he felt tongue tied in front of this man but he was wondering what the hell was going on. When he had come into the mansion he had been under the impression that he was going to be taken to see Robert but so far he was nowhere in sight. He was building up his courage to ask to see his husband but luckily Harry beat him to it and broke the ice. “So as I was telling you Robbie isn’t here”.

Aaron frowned. He managed to recover his voice at long last and spoke. “So why did you let me in?”.

Harry stared at him. He could see that he was making Aaron uncomfortable, he smiled inwardly, enjoying watching the other man squirm. “I seem to recall you threatening to make a nuisance of yourself and press that intercom button all day until you saw Robert, that despite me telling you to the contrary that he wasn’t here. I thought that if I let you in and you could see for yourself that I was telling the truth you would go away and leave me in peace”.

Harry paused for a bit before adding. “and if I’m being honest a part of me also thought it was high time we met properly. If, and I say if Robert has a chance of heart about you we will be seeing a lot of each other going forward so this will be a chance for us to break the ice, get to know each other better”.

Aaron gulped nervously. Whilst the man had kept his voice neutral, delivered his words in a pleasant manner he couldn’t help but think that underneath the surface there was a more sinister undertone. Aaron was now beginning to wish he had just gone away and came back another day when Robert was in. “So you really want to know me, that’s nice”.

Harry registered Aaron attempts at blustering and smiled. He decided to play along and take Aaron’s words at face value. He took a quick look at Seb and saw that he was still concentrating on eating his doughnut and playing with Freddie. “Robbie told me about what you both discussed when you met by chance before Christmas”. 

Aaron shifted uneasily in his chair. He was apprehensive about talking about Robert in front of Seb. By the looks of him Harry was thinking the same thing to. Mercifully at that moment Priya walked in with Amba and a baby in her arms. Aaron realised to his shock that this must be the children Robert had referred to. Seb now had a sibling.

Priya walked over to Harry and gently kissed him on the top of the head. Her eyes widen as she saw Aaron but she quickly recovered and said her hello’s. Amba climbed up on Harry’s lap and had a cuddled, it was obvious that she adored the man. For the second time Aaron saw a softer side to Harry, he had noticed how much he cared about Seb, how gentle and kind he was with the little boy and he could see that Amba was under his spell to.

Priya placed the sleeping baby gently into the Moses basket close to Harry before sitting down next to him. He noticed how Harry put his arm across Priya shoulders and saw how she relaxed into his embrace. Aaron had heard the gossip about how Priya had nabbed herself a rich man’s nephew but seeing them together he felt that the gossip’s had done her a disservice. There was nothing fake about her feelings for Harry, the pair of them looked like they adored each other.

The three of them chatted for a bit. In Aaron’s opinion it felt strained, all three of them not knowing what to say to each other. Eventually Harry put a stop to their discomfiture and politely suggested to Priya that she take Amba and Seb out for some fresh air before it got to dark and if she didn’t mind could she also take Freddie out for a walk with them at same time. 

Priya acquiesced to Harry’s suggestion and took Amba and Seb by the hands to lead them away. Seb protested at first at being dragged away, said that he wanted to stay and play with Daddy Aaron but Harry skilfully detracted him by saying that Aaron would still be there when he came back and they would be able to play again later.

Seb still didn't want to budge. Harry picked him up in his arms to reassure him that all was well and Aaron watched as the little boy melted into the man’s embrace, he felt a pang of jealously seize him at their closeness. Harry produced a handkerchief and wiped Seb’s mouth clean, the little lad grimaced at first and then laughed. Harry kissed Seb on the top of the head and then put him down and handed him back to Priya, promising him once again that he could see Aaron when he got back. 

Once Priya and the two children had gone Harry returned his attention back to Aaron. “Now where were we. I remember we were just about to get to know each other”.

Aaron grimaced.

Harry set the ball rolling. “You know when I went to make the coffee I didn’t think that you would still have been here when I came back. I thought that when you realised Robert wasn’t around you would have done a runner”.

Something in Aaron snapped. He made up his mind that this man wasn’t going to bully him. “Why would you say that. Do you think I should be scared of you or something?”.

Harry gave him a piercing look. “You should be. If I was you I would be terrified. I could do you a hell of a lot of damage if I chose to”.

Aaron sat and reflected on what Harry had said. A chill went down his spine. So much for not letting the man bully him. He looked closely at Harry and saw that the words he had just delivered hadn’t altered his calm exterior one bit. From his demeanour he could have just as well have been commentating on the weather rather than have just delivered a sinister threat. He suddenly felt more frightened that he had in years. 

Aaron gulped. He delved into what reserves of strength he had and tried to bluff it out. “Are you trying to scare me?”

Harry looked at Aaron, he could detect Aaron’s fear however much he was trying to hide it and smiled to himself. He knew he was being cruel but after what Aaron had done to his uncle last year he felt no qualms about shaking him up a bit, after all Aaron hadn’t shown his uncle any mercy when he had beaten him black and blue and left him a helpless bloody mess on the floor. It wouldn’t do Aaron any harm to have a taste of his own medicine, not that Harry had any intention of physically hitting him, the hits he had planned were psychological. “I’m not the least bit bothered whether you are scared or not. All I want are some answers as to what makes you believe you can just come here and think you have any chance at persuading my uncle to take you back. So why don’t we have a nice chat and you can explain your reasons. Let say we start on why you dropped the bombshell on my uncle a few days ago that you want him back”.

Aaron sat quietly, his breathing was out of control and he tried to settle himself the best he could. As much as he hated to admit it Harry was unnerving him. He was hit with the realisation that the man in front of him would make a very nasty enemy, there was something about him that made him think that he could be very dangerous, even more vicious than Cain at his very worst. Under normal circumstances Aaron knew that he would have told the man to mind his own business but for some reason he couldn’t name he felt compelled to be totally honest. “I didn’t plan on meeting Robert when I did, it was pure chance that we meet at his Office, but when I saw him there I knew we had to talk, clear the air. Over the last year I have come to the conclusion that living without Robert is no life at all, it is to hard for me to bear, so I had to come back and try and make things right between us again for both our sakes. I love Robert, I always have right from the first time we met and I will love for the rest of my life. Being without him is a living hell, I need him so much, it physically hurts being apart from him”.

Aaron paused a moment to gather himself. “You probably think that it’s all about what I want and you’d be right, but I genuinely believe that Robert needs me to be happy to, that he’s just as miserable without me as I have been without him, neither of us has learned to exist without each other, it’s not in our DNA. Robert has haunted my every waking moment since we split up, he’s always been in my head”. 

Aaron could see that his words were making little impression on Harry. He soldiered on, “I know that it was my fault that I lost him in the first place. If it makes you feel any better then I can honestly say there has not been a moment since that terrible day when I have not loathed myself for hurting Robert the way I did. I am sorrier than I can ever say. If I don’t get Robert back, then it will be my punishment to live in misery for the rest of my life, because you see without him my life will be ruined beyond repair, I’ll never have a moment’s happiness ever again without him and if that is not enough for you then I have to live with my conscience. You can’t even begin to imagine how much I hated myself for what I did. I would give anything to go back in time and change what I did, but I...”. 

Aaron had to stop. He felt himself welling up. He angrily wiped the tears away. The last thing he wanted to do was look weak in front of this man, but he was finding it hard not to breakdown in floods of tears. 

Harry sat and contemplated what Aaron had just said. He had heard the sincerity in Aaron’s voice and for the first time he began to feel a slight softening in his attitude towards his uncle’s husband. He was still a long way from actually liking Aaron but he could see his distress was real and he was genuinely remorseful for what he had done. Harry had seen first hand the pain that his uncle had been in when his marriage had imploded and if Aaron’s had been the same then he was to be pitied, even if he had been the one at fault.

Harry was glad that as much as he cared about Priya, his love for her wasn’t similar to the kind of love Robert and Aaron had for each other. Harry believed that to love each other with the intensity they did, to the point that that love consumed them heart, body and soul was the most dangerous kind of love in existence. It was definitely not for the faint heartened. To have that kind of love must be the equivalent of being in paradise but if you lost it, it meant you would be consigned to an everlasting hell. He pitied them both.

Harry waited a moment to let Aaron get control of his emotions before he replied. “So you want Robbie back, I get it now, but do you really think that you could make a go of things if you succeeded?”.

Aaron noticed the slight softening in the man’s voice. “I think we can make a go of things if Robert gives me the chance to prove I deserve him once more, but I'm not stupid enough to think that its going to be easy for us at first, I think I'm going to struggle in particular”

Harry’s curiosity was peaked. “Why would you say that?”.

Aaron made a point of surveying his surroundings. Whilst everything looked tasteful it still underlined the wealth of the owner. A wealth that blew his mind. When he had been researching Robbie Merrick online he had discovered that there was so much about Robert that he hadn’t had the first clue about. In a lot of ways Robert was now a stranger to him. Aaron knew that he wanted Robert back but what he really didn’t know was if the man he was still in love with actually existed any more. “I don’t know if Robert is still the person I used to know. All this” Aaron pointed to his surroundings. “This is not reflective of the Robert I knew. It belongs to a stranger, a stranger that might think that I don’t belong in his new world, that I am not good enough for him any more”.

Harry felt compassion begin to stir inside him for the younger man. He looked around him, mirroring what Aaron had just done. “All this, its just outer trappings. They don’t even begin to define who Robbie is. Whilst I’ll admit that Robbie has a healthy appetite for the good things in life, I know that they aren’t all he cares about, he still has the sense to care more about the things that money can’t buy. I’ve know Robbie now for over fourteen years and in some ways he hasn’t changed at all. He’s still the same lad he was back then despite his change of fortunes. I believe in the areas that really matter Robbie will still be the person you fell in love with”.

Aaron felt slightly better having heard what Harry had just said. Maybe he was letting his imagination run riot. He needed to think positively instead of always fearing the worst. Give himself time to get to know Robert again before he jumped to conclusions as to what Robert was like in this new life of his. One thing that had registered with him was when Harry had said that he had known Robert for a long time, it had piqued his curiosity and he wanted to know more. “What was Robert like back then, when you first met him”.

Harry sat and contemplated what it had been like when he had first met Robert all those years ago. In his memories he drifted back to that time, recalling the broken lad Robert had been back then. He gave voice to his recollections. “I can remember the first time I saw Robbie like it was yesterday, it was at a weekly lecture that we both had for our respective degrees. He was...”.

Harry paused, the sadness of that time bringing back painfully memories. “the most antisocial person I had ever met. It took me weeks to get a word out of him”. 

Harry laughed, Aaron detected a sad overtone in the sound. “But if you knew me then you would know that his stance was like a red rag to a bull to me. The ruder he was the more determined I was in getting to know him. He was an enigma. A riddle that had to solved. I guess back then I had this perversity about me. Robbie still accuses me of having it to this very day. I remember when I had finally worn him down to the point that in order to get me to leave him alone he agreed to have a coffee with me. It took me a long time to get close to him, he had this invisible wall that he'd built around himself, keeping everybody at arm’s length”.

Aaron remembered what Robert had told him last year. It suddenly came to him in a flash who Harry was. “I remember now who you are. You’re the first friend he had when he was at Durham university. I’m right aren’t I. You were the one that helped save him when his life was in ruins”.

Harry was taken aback. He told you about me?”.

Aaron nodded. “Robert told me that he was in a bad way mentally when he in his late teens early twenties and that when he was at university he met this lad that for whatever reason decided that he wanted him to be his friend and then incredibly how later on he had turned out to be family. Robert said that he would never have survived without your help, that and Jamie’s of course. The way he talked about you it was obvious he thought the world of you”.

Harry was taken aback by Aaron’s revelations. Robert hadn’t mentioned confiding in Aaron about his past in such detail. He was going to have to tread carefully in what he said in case he told Aaron more than Robert had. “You right, I did help him, not that I realised it at first, but the truth is deep down it was Robbie that helped himself. He was the one that painstakingly dragged himself back from the abyss...”.

Harry was lost in though for a moment, remembering Robert’s past struggles to put his life back on track. “You know, I’ve worked alongside some of the most courageous people you could ever want to met, people that selflessly put their lives on the line every day come what may and Robbie, in a different way has the same kind of courage that they have. I can’t think of many people who could have survived what he has over the years and become the person he is today. I’m in awe of him at times”.

Aaron nodded his agreement. “You not the only one, I think he’s pretty amazing to. Robert’s had more than his fair share of tragedy and heartache and yet despite it all he’s still standing, still strong, I don’t know how he’s managed to survive what he has had to live through at times but I’m so glad he found a way to work through things and come out the other side in one piece. You know whatever I was going through he always managed to make things better, he was always there for me, by my side, offering me his support. I miss him so much, I’m lost without him...”.

Harry found himself nodding in agreement. He found that despite his misgiving about Aaron he was beginning to warm to him. “Aye, I'll not argue with anything you just said. The sad truth is that Robbie’s had far to much pain in his life”.

Aaron paused, this was the part where he needed to show how sincere he was with his intentions. “I know that you have your doubts about me, but I mean it one hundred percent when I say that if Robert would give me give me another chance I would love him and take care of him for the rest of his life, that I would devote myself to making him happy”.

Harry shook his head. “Words are easy laddie. Its actions that count. You said earlier on that Robbie in part seems like a stranger to you now. What if you get him back and you find you can’t hack being Robbie Merrick’s husband, because trust me that is who he is now. There no more Robert Sugden, He’s gone forever”.

Aaron dug his heels in, now he had come this far he couldn’t give up. He had begun to feel a new resolve in fixing thing with Robert since talking to Harry. “I could get to know him again”.

Aaron paused, he looked deeply into Harry’s eyes as he continued, trying to will the man to hear him out, give him a chance. “You could help me. You obviously mean a lot to Robert, he’ll listen to you. He must trust you implicitly if he’s left Seb with you and”, Aaron looked at the Moses basket. “his newborn daughter to.”

Harry looked pointedly at Aaron. “Whatever makes you think that I would ever want to to help you laddie?”.

Aaron looked pointedly back at Harry. “Because you love him to. You want him to be happy and from what I surmised from our last meeting he’s isn’t really happy deep down, despite all this”. Aaron looked around him to reinforce his point. “We were happy together until I ruined it all, we had a good life together, I know that Robert was in a good place with me, Liv and Seb. We were a family”.

Aaron regrouped himself for another attack, he suddenly began to see things more clearly than he had in a while. “You know that he must have truly loved me to have lived like he did, he had all this money but he chose to live in relative poverty with me, because being happy was more important to him than the material trappings of wealth”.

Harry was left floundering over what to say to Aaron’s logic. “Well I’ll not deny you have made some valid points but the way he lived wasn’t just about him being with you”.

Aaron nodded. “I know, it was also down to the guilt he felt when Jamie died, Robert told me how he blamed himself for not saving him”.

Harry was floored by Aaron’s revelations. “Well I have to say you know more than I thought you would. Robbie really must have opened up to you about his past”.

Harry reflected on this new state of affairs as he delved back into the past. “When Jamie died it was a very bad time for Robert. In typical Robert fashion he blamed himself, but then that was how he had been conditioned to think right from when he was a lad, that he was the one that was always in the wrong, that everything was his fault. That dad of his has a lot to answer for, not that he can as he is dead and buried, but what kind of man does what he did to his son, making him believe that he is evil to the core, that he is poison to the touch. It’s no wonder that Robbie gets so screwed up at times...”.

Harry paused to get his temper under control. Thinking about what Jack Sugden had done to Robert when he had been a child always made him mad, he hated the man for the pain he had inflicted on his uncle. “It’s a long story but to cut it short Robbie believed that it was his fault Jamie died, that he had been to blame because he had been to wrapped up in his work he hadn’t noticed Jamie was struggling again. Utter rubbish of course but when you are determined to take all the blame on yourself you’ll believe anything if it suits your purposes”. 

Harry stopped temporarily, to think carefully about what to say before he carried on his narrative. “Robbie turned his back on his businesses. He left London to get some peace of mind, to get away from the nightmare that his life had become. You know Jamie had barely been dead five minutes when the vultures came out in force. The number of people that were throwing themselves at him was ridiculous. The sad truth though was that it wasn’t really him they wanted, it was his money and the lifestyle that it offered. I don’t blame him for walking away, it was the right thing to do. I just wished he hadn’t denied himself the lifestyle he could have had, there was no need for it, but I think deep down it was his way of punishing himself, he didn’t believe he deserved to have anything good in his life, that he had forfeited any right to be happy again”. 

Aaron nodded. “He can be a right idiot at times”.

Harry truly smiled for the first time in Aaron’s presence. “Aye, for a brilliantly intelligent man he can be downright stupid at times, a right daft beggar if ever there was one”.

Aaron was overcome with sadness. He’d always taken it for granted that Robert was mentally strong, right from the time they had first met Robert had exuded confidence and yet in hindsight looking back Aaron now realised it had been nothing more than a mask to hid the true reality, that behind the facade he was in a lot of pain, trying to come to terms with a life that had been torn apart by tragedy. 

Aaron realised that in a lot of ways both he and Robert were both broken souls. They had suffered to much in their relatively short lives, to begin with it had been him and his father and Robert with his childhood and banishment. Even then the blows had kept coming, curveball after curveball thrown their way. Pain layered on pain. Aaron reckoned that it was a miracle that they were both still standing. Maybe that had been what had attracted them to each other. 

Aaron sighed. “You know after everything he’s been through he can be excused from being an idiot at times. When Robert was recovering from his brain tumour we talked more about stuff than we ever had before. Robert actually opened up about his past, he told me things about the years he had been away from Emmerdale. Some of the things he told me were harrowing. About the time he was attacked and nearly killed, about his dad not giving a damn about it and leaving him to deal with it all on his own. Jamie dying in his arms. Then there were the triumphs, his degree at Durham although he conveniently forgot to mention the one from Oxford as well. I thought he had told me everything but he hadn’t, had he, there were still other secrets he kept to himself. I wish he had been totally honest with me, I would have been mad, but I would have come round in the end and maybe things wouldn’t have played out the way they did at the end, when I hurt him so badly and broke his heart”.

Aaron paused to try and calm himself. There was a plaintive note to his voice as he continued to talk. “Why couldn’t he have been honest with me, Harry. If I had known everything then I could have helped him. You know Robert was always there for me, supporting me whenever life got to hard for me to cope with on my own. He used to hold me in his arms and absorb my pain, why couldn’t he let me do the same for him. I would have taken care of him. I feel so guilty all the time that I failed him, that I was so far from being the husband he deserved...” Aaron had to stop. The pain he was feeling was making him raw. He brushed away the tears that had formed again in his eyes.

Harry saw the pain on Aaron’s face. It surprised him that his compassion was growing for the younger man. Things were definitely turning out differently from what he thought they would be. He thought carefully about what Aaron had just said. “I’m not going to contradict you on what you’ve just said, I don’t know enough about your personal relationship with Robbie to know whether you are being to hard on yourself or not but I think you should give yourself some credit along with the self criticism. I know for a fact from what Robbie has told me that in your own way you did help him a lot. After Jamie died he was so broken, none of us thought he would ever find true happiness again and then he met you. I know it wasn’t all plain sailing at first but you transformed his life. You made him so very happy, you taught him how to love again”.

Harry stopped for a minute, debating with himself whether he should add anything further. He decided what the hell. “Of course none of us were happy about him being with you. We’d done some research on you and it would be an understatement if I said we were less than impressed with what we found out, you’ve had a checked past to say the least. We all told Robbie to ditch you, that you weren’t a fit person for somebody like him to be with, but he refused point blank. He told us to back off, that you made him happy and we would just have to lump it. Robbie felt that you were the first person in a long time who actually saw him as a human being again, he said that you weren’t the sort to be impressed with money or fineries, that you could never be bought. We all thought he was deluding himself, we thought you and your family were money grabbers out for all you could get”. 

Harry was reflective for a moment. “When Robbie made it quite clear that you were for keeps we gave him a tough time. We refused point blank to have anything to do with you, take part in his folly. In some ways it was down to us that he didn’t tell you the whole truth about himself. He knew that if he told you about his mother’s family and his friends that you would want to know chapter and verse about us and then you would start to question him about why you had never met any of us. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you the truth, that we had refused to meet you because we thought you were trailer trash. We didn’t let up, we kept telling he him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life spending it somebody that was so far beneath him. We were all so arrogant. We all thought we knew best and the truth was we didn’t...”.

Harry stopped. He looked at Aaron and saw the hurt in his eyes, but then what had he been expecting. He just told him that everybody close to Robert hated him. “If it’s any consolation, in hindsight I wished that I had met you like Robbie asked me to...”

Harry had to pause a moment as the reality of what happened hit him. “Truth be told if I had of met you it could have spared you both so much heartache, it would have prevented the chain of events that unfolded that ended with your marriage disintegrating”.

Aaron was quiet for a moment. He felt anger swirling inside him at the way fate had played a cruel trick on him, if he had know Harry had been Robert nephew then things could have been so different. There was an edge to his voice as he spoke. “It’s to late now for you to have regrets. What’s done is done. I just hope to God that it not to late to put things right, that despite what I did Robert will give me another chance”

Harry was reflective for a moment. “Maybe he will. You’ll have to be patient though. You hurt Robbie so badly, it’s going to take him along time to trust you again. He won’t make it easy for you to just walk straight back into his life”. 

Aaron nodded. “I can’t say I blame him, I don’t deserve to have it easy. I know that I have my work cut out and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes in make things right again. I will never give up on him”.

Harry smiled. “That’s fighting talk if ever I heard it”.

Aaron was thoughtful for a moment. “I guess it is”. 

Aaron paused a second, not sure if the man would be receptive to what he was about to say but feeling that he needed to try and get him to realise once and for all that he wasn’t this monster that he, Robert’s family and friends thought he was. “I know that after what I did to Robert you and everybody else have no reason to think well of me, but what happened was a moment of madness, for that one horrific moment in time I well and truly lost it, looking back I still can’t believe that I did what I did. If it’s any consolation to you I hate myself for hurting Robert. I know that as long as I live I will never raise another hand to him ever again. All I want to do now is try and put things right between us. Looking back I can see that Robert was always trying to help everybody else around him and I can’t remember him ever expecting anything in back, it’s as if he didn’t believe he deserved anything in return from the people around him. I want to put that right, I want him to realise that he deserves to be loved and cared for, I want to spend the rest of my life making him so happy...”.

Aaron had to stop. He found himself welling up again. He didn’t know why he needed this man to understand him. It was obvious that he hated and despised him along with everybody else that inhabited Robert’s life now. What chance did he have of ever getting Robert back with them dripping poison in his ears about him. Telling Robert that he had to stay clear of his worthless husband.

Aaron was startled when he heard Harry’s voice. “Noble sentiments, but do you really think that you can carry them through in reality?”.

Aaron wiped his eyes and sniffed. “I don’t know. I can’t guarantee that I will always get it right, that I won’t make a mess of things from time to time, but it won’t be from the lack of effort, I will strive to be the best I can for Robert’s sake”.

Harry was thoughtful. He had witnessed Robert at close quarters this last year, taking careful note of his every mood. Whilst it would be wrong to say that Robert hadn’t had moments when he had been genuinely happy, when he hadn’t enjoyed his life there had been other moments that Harry had witnessed where he knew Robert had struggled to cope. He had seen through the outer facade Robert habitually worn and glimpsed the loneliness and pain his uncle felt deep down because of what he had lost. “I guess that’s all anybody can ever do, their best, we all make mistakes from time to time. When it comes down to it we are all human, we’ve all done things we regret”

Aaron was nonplussed at what appeared to be a softening in the man’s attitude towards him. “That’s the last thing I expected you to say”.

Harry stared at Aaron long and hard. “I’ve made my mistakes to, I’ve paid the price for them big time, I lost everything that I held dear, but the thing is that even when you know you have nobody to blame but yourself, that’s it all your own fault it doesn’t make it any easy to live with the consequence of your actions. In the cold light of day your left with plenty of time to repent your stupidity and suffer what havoc you have wrought. I was lucky though, I had Robbie and my family supporting me every step of the way. They never gave up on me, not once. Robbie in particular went the extra mile, he gave me a home, a job, money and all the kindness and love I could ever have wished for”.

Aaron nodded. For some insane reason he felt happy. “That sounds so like Robert, he’s always trying to save the people he loves, he never gives up on them even if it’s what they deserve. There were so many times I tried to push him away but he always kept coming back, taking all the crap I gave him because he loved me. I just need him to come back one last time”.

Harry nodded back. “Aye. Perhaps he will come back to you but I think he’s going to need some help in doing so. Maybe it’s time for us to step up to the plate and save him in return”.

Aaron sat stone still. He could barely breath. He wasn’t sure that he had got it right but it seemed as if the man was offering him an olive branch. “Does that mean what I think it does, are you going to help me win Robert back?”.

Harry was pensive for a moment. He was having a hard time understanding what had just happened. How the hell had he got to a place where he was even thinking about reuniting his uncle with this man. He must be losing his sanity. “I’ll not force Robbie into doing anything he is not comfortable with, but on the other hand I won’t stop him if he decides you are what he wants. At the end of the day I want him to be happy and if you are the one to achieve that then so be it, but mark my words if you ever hurt him again it will be the last thing you do”.

Aaron nodded his agreement. “I hold you to that”.

Harry laughed. “You on”.

Aaron sat back. At long last he finally felt that there might be some light at the end of the tunnel. Whilst Harry hadn’t promised to help him he had made it clear he wouldn’t hinder him either. That was progress at least. “So when is Robert going to be around?”.

Harry grew serious. “I’m not sure when he’s going to be back”.

Aaron looked concerned. “What do you mean?”

Harry replied, his words were laced with sadness. “Robbie’s in Spain. Annie’s carers rang him last night. They told him that she was fading fast and that he needed to get over there before it was to late to say his goodbyes”.

Aaron was stunned. He felt his heart break for Robert, he knew just how much he loved the grand old lady, what she meant to him. “Robert will be gutted, he thinks the world of her”.

Harry nodded. “Aye he does that. But Robbie’s sensible enough to realise that she’s an old lady, that the laws of nature meant that she wasn’t going to go on for ever. You know that she is 101 now, it was inevitable that this was going to happen sooner rather than later”. 

Aaron knew Harry was right. “It isn’t going to make it any easier for Robert thought is it. I know that Annie was the one person in his life that never let him down. He told me how she took care of him after he had been attacked when he was nineteen, that she had been the only person in his life back then that gave a damn about him. Robert told me that she saved him, helped him to put his life back together, that without her he wouldn’t have made it”.

Harry nodded his head in agreement. “Aye. She was brilliant back then. You know it was a miracle that she got Robbie back on his feet again after what had happened to him. I didn’t have a clue when I first met Robbie about what he had gone through, I just thought he was a miserable git for the sake of it, so when I found out it shocked to the very core. I was in awe of him after that. I don’t know where he found the strength to survive and make a life for himself after what those men had done to him. The sheer courage it must have took for him to have put one foot in front of the other...”.

Harry had to pause a moment, he felt the deep sadness he always did when he thought of all he pain that Robert had gone through in his short life. “You know I think it was his bloody mindedness that wouldn’t let him give up. I think that was Annie’s doing, she instilled this strength in him to survive against the odds and survive he did. He worked so hard to get his life back on track. He deserves all the success he's had. If it hadn’t been for Jamie dying the way he did then everything would have been perfect”

Aaron was momentarily silenced. Robert had never let him see the pain he must have suffered internally all the time they had been together. He was also beginning to have his suspicions that Robert hadn’t told him everything about the attack, from Harry’s tone of voice he suspected that things had been even worse than what Robert had told him, but it wasn’t the time and place to probe further, not that he thought Harry would tell him away. “It seems strange hearing you talk about Robert being vulnerable and unsure. The first time I met him all I saw was this confident, smug, cocky man who seem so assured about everything, nothing ever seem to faze him. It was only when I got to know him better that I saw another side to him, saw him as a real person underneath the mask he worn when he was with other people”.

Harry smiled ruefully. “Aye. He’s really good at hiding his true feelings. It’s something he learned to do from an early age, but then growing up he was never allowed to show his emotions, not with Jack Sugden as a father, he always had to pretend that he was ok, that nothing mattered or hurt him even when deep down he was in struggling and in pain”.

Aaron heard the bitterness again in Harry voice when he mentioned Jack Sugden. “From the tone of your voice I take it you’re not a fan of his dad either”.

Harry shook his head. “No I’m not. Even now none of the Merrick side of the family can believe how callously Jack Sugden treated Robbie, you know my ma knew him back in the days when she lived in Emmerdale and she still finds it hard to believe he was the same man she had known, she couldn’t understand what had made him become so cruel in later life. It was bad enough in our eyes that he had disowned Robbie when he was a lad but then to have abandoned him when he’s was fighting for his life in hospital, it beggared belief, Its something that we can never forgive him for”.

Aaron nodded. “I know how you all feel. I couldn’t believe it either when Robert told about how his Dad had treated him after he had been attacked. It was heartbreaking to hear. I can’t even begin to imagine how Robert must have felt, knowing that his father didn’t give a damn. Did he tell you that he phoned his dad to ask why he had abandoned him and that all he got in return was his dad ripping him apart, he even told Robert he had got what he deserved, what kind of man does that. Its a good job that Annie came to the rescue when she did”.

Harry smiled through his sadness. “Aye, Annie is one hell of a lady, they don’t make them like her any more. I remember my Ma telling me about her. She said that she ruled Emmerdale Farm with a rod of iron...”

Harry paused for a moment as he realised what the future entailed. “Robbie’s going to be devastated when he loses her. You know that Robbie always credits her for all the success he has had in his professional life. Of course being Annie she disagreed with him, said that it was all his own hard work, he was the one that passed all the exams. I remember when she came to his graduation days. She had a smile on her face from ear to ear, she was that proud of him”.

Aaron curiosity was piqued. “Apart for a few conversation we have had Robert has never really talked in detail about what his life was like when he wasn’t in Emmerdale”. 

Harry pondered over what Aaron had just said. “I don’t suppose he really could talk to anyone in great detail since he wasn’t prepared to delve into his past and tell people who he really was. I think you are the closest person he’s ever come to telling the whole truth to and even then reading between the lines of what you have told me it was just edited snippets. I think the problem was that from the moment he first stepped back in Emmerdale he wasn’t impressed with the way he was treated by his dad’s side of the family and the other locals, he had this chip on his shoulder that if they couldn’t like him for himself then he was damned if they got to like him because they thought he was worth knowing for what they could get out of him”.

Aaron considered what Harry had just said. “In hindsight I can’t blame him for feeling the way he did. You know they never really gave him a chance. Right from the start everybody was telling me he was bad news”.

Aaron paused for a bit as he recollected what it had been like when Robert has first returned to the village. “I remember hearing all the gossip about him. Half of the village despised him because of the boy he had been and half of them despised him because they were jealous of him living at Home Farm, they believed he had risen far above his station, that he was a jumped up nobody, a money grabbing opportunist. When my mum found out about our affair she hit the roof, she told me in no uncertain terms that Robert was poison and I should keep clear. My uncle was the same. Nobody had a good word to say about him”.

Harry replied. “But still despite all the warnings you couldn’t keep away could you”.

Aaron shook his head ruefully. “No, I couldn’t, but then I saw another Robert to the one that other people did. I got to glimpse the man behind the mask. Saw the softer side of him. The one that was loving, kind and funny. The man that was worth loving to the end of eternity...”.

Aaron stopped. He suddenly felt exhausted. He had never been one for bearing his soul. Harry seemed the same. They sat in silence. Before either of them could utter another word Priya came in the children with the dog in tow. She looked at them both. Concern written all over her face when she saw their glum expressions. “Is everything all right?”.

Harry looked at Priya and nodded. “Aye, lassie. Aaron and I have just been clearing the air that’s all. Nothing for you to worry about, I promise”.

Priya looked at Aaron and saw him nod in agreement. She felt relieved. She watched as Seb clambered onto Aaron’s lap. He had talked non-stop during their walk about his Daddy Aaron being back. He had been so excited. Priya was worried about how Robert would react when he found out Aaron had been near his son, she decided that was a problem that Harry could deal with, that she was keeping well out of it. She had a quick look at Annie in her Moses basket and saw that she was still fast asleep.

Harry looked out of the window and could saw that the last of the light was fading into darkness. The chat he had had with Aaron had given him food for thought. The reality of the man had been so different from what he thought it would be. His musings were interrupted by Seb asking him if Daddy Aaron could take him for a swim. Harry frowned internally. Where the hell did the lad get his energy from. He’d just had a walk, why the hell couldn’t he be knackered and want a nap like any normal kid. It was a toss up between Seb and the shite dog who would last the longest before they conked out. Thinking of the dog he was relieved to see that he wasn’t caked in mud for once, but then, he seemed to behave for Priya, it was just him that he liked to wind up by rolling in all the crap he could find so he ended up looking bedraggled and in need of a bath.

Harry shook his head. “I don’t think so laddie, Aaron probably needs to go now, I’m sure he must have things to do back home”.

Seb wasn’t deterred, he turned his attention to Aaron. “Please Daddy Aaron can you stay a bit longer so we can have a swim”. Seb reinforced his plea by looking at Aaron with those big blue eyes of his, eyes that had always made Aaron’s heart melt.

Aaron looked at Harry for guidance but the man wasn’t forthcoming, he got the impression that the man had had enough of him for one day and wanted him gone. “I don’t think we will be able to go swimming Seb, the baths are probably closed over the Christmas holidays and beside it’s getting late, it will soon be time for your tea”.

Seb had his answer ready. “We don’t need to go to the baths, we have our own swimming pool now and I’m not hungry yet either”

Aaron’s eyes widened at the remark about the pool. Of course the mansion had a swimming pool in it, how dumb was he for not realising that! “Your own swimming pool. Wow. The thing is though I don’t have anything to wear, so maybe if your Dad’s ok with it I can come back another day and swim with you then, what do you say?”.

Seb started to pout. The little boy didn’t want Aaron to go. Harry, who had been following the exchange realised that Seb was teetering on the verge of a tantrum. His self preservation came to the fore. He still had a couple of hours of work to do which would be nigh on impossible if Seb started to play up. Harry mused that Aaron might still have his uses after all. There was nothing to lose now anyway, the damage had already been done when Seb had spotted Aaron a few hours ago. “Look if you would like to take Seb swimming you can, there are some trunks around you can use, new I might add just in case your were wondering and plenty of towels”.

Aaron was nonplussed by Harry’s change of heart. Before he could say yes or no Seb gleefully jumped up from his lap and started to try and pull him up so he could take him to the pool. Aaron looked pointedly at Harry. Harry just shrugged his shoulders and ignored his questioning look. Aaron gave in. “Ok then, swimming it is”.

Priya had listened to the exchange, she had a foreboding that this wasn’t going to end well. At this moment in time she had no idea what Harry was playing at. She kept her misgivings to herself. “That’s very kind of you Aaron, if you don’t mind could I impose on you further and ask you’ll take Amba as well”.

Aaron nodded his consent. Today was turning out to beyond anything he could have imagined in his wildest dreams. 

Aaron enjoyed playing with the children in the pool, he loved being with Seb, the lad that he had and still loved like a son. The was a bitter sweet overtone though to the fun, he had no idea if this would be the last time he ever got to see the little boy, whether Robert would let him back into their lives. He tried to push the negativity aside and enjoy the moment. 

All to soon Priya came back and announced that it was time for Seb and Amba to get out of the pool, as it would soon be time for their tea. Before he got out of the pool Aaron gave Seb a big hug. He told his ‘son’ that he needed to go home. When Seb asked him when he would come and see him again Aaron was careful in how he worded his response. He was loathe to promise the little lad something he couldn’t follow through on. He managed to give a neutral answer that satisfied Seb, so he was content to leave with Priya without causing a fuss.

Aaron watched Seb and Amba go with Priya to get changed. He allowed himself to sink back into the water. He looked out of the windows. The outdoor Christmas lights glowed in the darkness. He surveyed his surrounding and marvelled at their luxury. Robert had certainly pushed the boat out on his new home. It was magnificent. When he had first stepped over the threshold he had thought that he would hate the place, that he would have found it a vulgar over the top display of wealth but it was the complete opposite, everything seemed so tasteful and understated. To his surprise he realised that he could actually live here. He wasn’t sure how that had happened but something about the place had crept up on him and made him feel at home, as if he belonged. Whether Robert thought that was another matter entirely.

Aaron had to force himself to get out of the pool and get changed. When he was dressed again he made his way to where Harry was sitting on a lounger, typing away on his laptop. Harry looked up as he approached. “You all looked like you were having fun”.

Aaron grinned. “We did. I really appreciate you letting me stay with Seb, I enjoyed spending time with him. He’s a lovely lad”.

Harry smiled. “It’s me that should be thanking you. You kept Seb and Amba occupied so I could get some work done. The way Seb has been behaving to today I despaired of getting anything finished, he’s been on the go all day. You know I’ve not had a moments peace, he’s wanted my attention all the time, he's been right clingy”.

Aaron nodded. “It will be because he’s missing Robert, he always wants people around him when his dad not about”. 

Harry agreed. “Aye you right there. He’s always as good and gold when Robbie’s present. He’ll even play by himself. The dog’s the same. He’s a right wee shite when his master’s not about”.

Aaron laughed. “I see like me your a fan of Freddie to”.

Harry grimaced. “I don’t know what possessed Robbie to buy the blasted pooch, he must have been out of his mind. What the hell did he want with a Cockapoo of all things!”.

Aaron blushed. “It wasn’t his choice. Liv and me got him. We though he would be ideal for Seb”

Aaron heard Harry mutter under his breath. He though it was a good time to depart before he got a lecture on stupidity and what thought did, he’d heard it all from Robert when he had presented Freddie to him as a fait accompli. “Look I need to be making tracks”.

“Ok laddie. I’ll give you a lift back home”.

Aaron was taken aback by Harry’s guesture. “There’s no need, I can walk”.

Harry gave Aaron a stern look. “You’ll do no such thing. It’s not safe to be walking at this time of night, it’s pitch black out there and the roads are narrow, you could easily get hit by a passing car. You are definitely not walking, I’m giving you a lift and that’s final”. 

Aaron was taken aback at Harry’s declaration. Four hours ago he thought the man looked like he wanted to kill him and now he was worried about his safety. It definitely was a really weird day. He just shrugged his shoulders and decided to go with the flow.

When they finally got back to the mill Aaron sat in the car, reluctant to get out. There was one more thing he needed to ask Harry. “Are you going to tell Robert I called round to see him today?”.

Harry nodded. “Aye. I’ll tell him. To fair I haven’t got a choice. The little lad will spill the beans about spending the day with his ‘Daddy’ Aaron so I need to get in there first, try and explain what happened”.

Aaron was quiet a moment before he replied. “Will you also tell Robert that I still want that drink. Tell him that I know that it might be a while because of Annie but I’ll wait until he’s ready”. 

Aaron quickly added “Will you also tell him that I’ll be there for him whenever he needs me, all this stuff with Annie is going to break his heart, tell him that all he has to do is call me and I'll be straight round to see him, try and help in whatever way I can”.

Harry smiled. “Aye, I’ll tell him. Now is that all, I need to get back for tea”

Aaron nodded.

Harry was on the verge of saying more but he stopped himself. He didn’t want to give Aaron any false hope. The ball was in Robert’s court. He was the one that needed to make the decision as to what Aaron Dingle would mean to him going forwards.

Aaron said his goodbye’s and got out of the car. He let himself into the Mill. The downstairs room was mostly in darkness save for a few lamps that lit up the gloom. He relaxed as he thought he was alone. He made his way to the kitchen to make himself a brew when he was suddenly startled by the sound of his mother’s voice. “So, here you are at last. I’ve be sat here for hours waiting for you to come home”.

Aaron feigned nonchalance. “Whys that”

Chas shook her head at him. “Lets start with the fact that you just disappeared after lunch without saying anything and when I tried to reach you, you ignored all my phone calls and then Paddy’s so we were left being worried sick about where you were. You know you have been strange ever since you got back, we were left thinking all kind of horrible things”. 

Aaron felt his face go red. “Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you both, I just needed some space to clear my head, get some fresh air”

Chas gave him a pointed look. “I see". 

Aaron thought he had got away with it until his mother added. "You know I think you and I need a little chat, sweetheart”.

Aaron started to worry, there was a strange tone to her voice that instantly made him wary. The one that she used when she was going to bawl him out. “What about?”

Chas glared at her son. “Now that is a very good question, love. Where shall we start. Let me think, we could start by you telling me what the hell you have been doing for the last four hours up at that big house on the hill, Mere Place isn’t it or maybe”, Chas waved a bounded file in front of Aaron’s face. “you’d like to explain to me why Holey Scrap, that tiny little company that you ran from a Porto Cabin in Zak’s backyard is now a multi site business worth millions”.

Aaron’s heart sunk. He sat down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands. The proverbial had well and truly hit the fan. He braced himself to talk to his mum, he took a deep breath and began to explain.


	21. Robert and Annie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert goes to Spain to spend time with Annie as she lives her last few days on earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. This chapter was one that I wrote and them rewrote before I was happy with it. Hope it was worth it!
> 
> Lots of angst for Robert and some startling revelations from Annie but at the end there are glimmers of hope that better times are ahead (after a bit more drama of course!) for Robert.

28th December, 2021.

Robert sat in a chair next to Annie’s bed. The clock was slowly ticking towards midnight. He was struggling to keep his eyes open, fatigue seemed to inhabit every pore of his body.

When one of Annie’s carers had called him late last night and told him Annie was very poorly and that he needed to be with her as soon as he could he had been worried sick. Sleep had eluded him, he had tossed and turned all night, his thoughts tormenting him about lay ahead. He knew that Annie had been getting frailer, that old age was finally catching up with her but he had steadfastly refused to acknowledge that she wasn’t immortal because the thought of losing her was one that he couldn’t bear to contemplate.

Robert had been relieved when he had managed to get an early flight to Spain the next day. Throughout the plane journey he had been crossing his fingers and praying that he would get there is time, that Annie would still be alive when he reached his destination. 

A part of him was still annoyed that Annie had stubbornly refused to let her carers call him before now and tell him that she was fading fast. When he had visited her a few weeks ago to show her his newborn daughter, her namesake, he had realised that she was getting even more frailer than usual but Annie in that forthright manner of hers had downplayed his worries, telling him in no uncertain terms that she was a hundred and one for pity’s sake, she was going to be tired at times and that he should stop his mithering as there was nothing to worry about. 

In hindsight Robert realised that Annie had been concealing the truth about her failing health from him. The Doctor whom he had met on his arrival at her Villa had confirmed his suspicions when he had told him that she had been on a downward spiral for months.

Robert’s mind drifted back to another flight to Spain he had made twelve years ago. He remembered the call as if it had been yesterday. Annie had rung him to say that his father had been taken seriously ill with heart problems whilst staying with her and Amos in Spain. Apart from the shock of hearing his dad was ill Annie had dropped another curve ball on him when she had told him that Jack was asking to see him, that there were things that he needed to say to his son before it was to late. 

Robert recollected that at first he had refused to go to Spain, that he had told Annie that where his dad was concerned it was too little, to late. It was Jamie that had changed his mind, told him that he needed to talk to his dad if he was ever going to get closure on their love/hate relationship, that he needed to finally find some peace of mind about his past. 

So five days after Annie’s call Robert had got on a plane. He remembered ringing her from the airport to tell her he was on his way, that Annie had been pleased with him, told him that he was making the right decision and that his dad would be so happy to see him again. It was that information that had nearly made him miss his flight, a stubborn part of him wondered why the hell he should make his dad happy after everything he had put him through but the lure of finally getting some answers proved to be stronger than his anger so he had made his way to departures and got on the plane. In the end his desperate dash to see his dad had all been in vain because by the time he had arrived at his gran’s Villa Jack Sugden was dead.

Robert remembered how bitter he had felt hearing the news, that even in death his dad had had the final word and taken his secrets with him to the grave. There had been so many things that he had wanted to ask him. The main question was one that had haunted him for years and if he was truthful it still did. What had he done that had made his dad fall out of love with him to the point that the love he had once felt for his son had turned to hatred instead. He would have held his hands up at that point and admitted that he hadn’t always been a saint, that he had been difficult at times but then Andy had been so much worse and yet he had still found it easier to love another man’s son more than his own flesh and blood. 

Robert mused that that question had just been the tip of the iceberg, that there were so many others that he wanted answers to. He needed to know if his dad had had any remorse about banishing him from Emmerdale when he had been nineteen. If after he had discarded him like unwanted trash if he had ever spared one moment to think what it must have been like for him, losing his dad, family, friends, home and livelihood. He wanted to know how his dad thought he had coped on his own in an alien world that he was ill equipped to survive in on his own.

Robert realised that he was working himself up into a state thinking about his dad. He knew it wouldn’t do him any good reliving those times. He tried to clear his mind of the negativity but it was to late. The most painfully question had already formed in his mind. When the police came to see you a few weeks after you had thrown me out and told you I had been repeatedly raped and almost beaten to death how could you have abandoned me at the worst moment in my life, how could you have left me all alone in that hospital bed, broken in body and mind and why when I dared to ask you how you could be so cruel you told me I deserved it as payback for all the terrible things I had done in my life. What had I done to inspire such unrelenting hatred.

Robert felt himself begin to unravel. Allowing the memories of that painful time to surface were always a definite no no. The only way he could live with them was to bury them deep in the remotest recesses of his self consciousness. He realised there were tears in his eyes and he angrily wiped them away. He gritted his teeth and willed himself to take control of his emotions once more. He knew he needed all the strength he possessed if he was going to cope with what lay ahead and wasting needless energy on self pity was futile, he could never change the past so what was the point of torturing himself with his past sufferings.

Annie began to stir. Robert felt her fingers lightly brush his hand as she reached out to touch him. His semi closed eyes shot open. He saw that she was looking at him, the concern all to clear in her eyes as she saw the tears staining his cheeks. It broke his heart that even now when time was her enemy Annie was stilled worried about him. It was the last thing that he wanted her to do.

Annie spoke, her voice was frail but somehow she found the inner strength to talk to her grandson. Robert listened carefully as she spoke. “What time is it lad?”.

“It’s nearly midnight”.

Annie sighed. She knew that she was fading fast, that it has been touch and go whether she would have survived long enough for Robert to make it to the Villa. The fact he had made it in time had brought joy to her heart, it meant that she got to see him one last time. A part of her felt so very selfish, she was making Robert watch her die and she knew it would cause him pain but there were things that she needed to say to him before the last breath left her body, things that in all truth she should have told him years ago.

Annie loved her grandson without reservation, she was under no illusions that he had always been a saint but unlike some other people in his life she had always seen the good in him as well, not just the bad. Annie had looked deep into his soul and seen the kind heart underneath the prickly outer shell that he presented to the world to protect himself from being hurt. Far to much hurt in her opinion. It was beyond what anybody should have had to endure.

Annie cursed Robert’s bad luck to have ended up with Jack as his father, it would have been better all round if he had been her other son Joe’s little boy. Joe would have loved Robert the way he deserved, he had always been a much kinder man than Jack and would have dealt with Robert so much better. Annie felt a pang of sadness deep down at how fate could be so cruel at times, why it had to mismatch so many fathers and sons. Mothers and daughters.

Annie gently squeezed Robert’s hand. In reply he tenderly placed his own hand over hers, being careful not to hurt her. She watched him closely, saw him smile. The love that radiated from his eyes as he looked at her touched her heart almost to breaking point. Annie smiled back. At that moment no words were necessary to convey the deep love they had for each other.

Robert felt his throat constrict. He took a deep breath trying to still the pain that was gradually taking hold of his heart. He knew that he only had a few more precious hours with this grand old lady and the thought of losing her was tearing him apart. He was smart enough to realise that at her age time had been running out but the reality was still hard to bear, she was meant to have been immortal. He didn’t even want to contemplate the future without her.

For as long as Robert could remember Annie had always been a constant in his life. She had been the rock that he could cling to when the storms raged around him, keeping him safe. Robert knew beyond all doubt that he was only alive now because of her and to some extent Amos. That between then they had kept him breathing after the attack that had decimated his life all those years ago.

Robert remembered how he had planned on killing himself. As he had laid helplessly in that hospital bed the only thing that had sustained him had been the knowledge that he could put an end to his suffering as soon as he was physical able to do so. That he would finally find the peace he craved six feet under where nobody could ever hurt him again. 

Robert was stopped from his further painful trips down memory lane by Annie. Her voice deflected him from his past “I need to talk to you before it’s to late, there are things I need to say to you lad”.

Robert smiled. “Shouldn’t you be resting, conserving your strength?”.

Annie gave Robert a stern look. “What good is resting now at this point in time. My time’s is running out lad and I’ll soon have all the rest I need”.

Robert was devastated by his gran’s bluntness. She had pointed out the cold hard truth that she was dying. It took all his strength not to breakdown and cry. He couldn’t bear it. 

Annie saw that Robert was on the verge of falling apart, she tried to placate him. “Now lad, lets not be having any tears. I’ve lived a long and in most parts a happy life but the truth is I’ve reached the point in time when I am ready to go”.

Robert finally broke. He started to sob. Annie silently watched him. She patiently waited until he had cried himself out and began to get some semblance of control over his feelings. She saw him wipe his eyes and look at her once more. He was apologetic. “I’m sorry, it’s just...”.

Robert had to pause. Fresh tears had sprung to his eyes. He bowed his head until he was once more strong enough to look her in the eyes.

Annie squeezed Robert’s hand. She tried to comfort him as best she could. She hated seeing him so upset. “Come on lad, please, for my sake don’t upset yourself so. We both know that your a bright lad and sensible enough to know that I wasn’t going to go on forever”.

Robert sniffed. “It still doesn’t make it any easier to bear. I am going to miss you so much”. 

Robert halted briefly to still his turbulent emotions. “While there is still time I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. Throughout my life you are the one person that has never let me down. I know that if you hadn’t come to that hospital when you did I would have died. I wouldn’t have made it without you and Amos. Everything I have achieved in my life is down to you, there aren’t adequate words to describe just how much you mean to me, how grateful I have been for your love and support all these years.

Annie looked at Robert and saw the sincerity in his eyes. “It’s kind of you to thank me lad and I acknowledge that I did help you but the bottom line was that you helped yourself and don’t you forget it. You were the one that had to live your life, live with what happened to you and I know that you struggled at times but at the end of the day it was your strength and courage that got you through the worst”.

Annie had to stop for a moment. Even the short speech had exhausted her. “You know Amos and I were so proud of the way you turned your life around, achieved what you did through sheer hard work and determination”. 

Robert managed a weak smile. “It was you and Amos that set me on the right path by making me go back to school”.

Annie scowled at him. “You wouldn’t have had to go back to school if you hadn’t made such a mess of your exams when you were sixteen”.

Robert managed to laugh. “Ouch”.

Annie smiled. “That’s more like it. You have a nice laugh, Robert. You should try and make a habit of doing it more often in the future”

Robert shook his head at his gran. “I do laugh. Seb is always keeping me amused and I’m sure your namesake will follow suit”.

Annie smiled. “Aye. He’s a grand lad and the lassie looks a sweet little thing to. Seb’s so like you at the same age although to be fair he talks more. I remember that you would hardly say boo to a goose when you were little and we had a few of those on the farm. Nasty things they were, used to eat all my vegetables given half a chance”.

Robert started to relax a little as they took a trip down a happier memory lane. Whatever had happened in the later part of his childhood he had been happy in those early years, surrounded by a family that loved him back then, his dad, Sarah, Kathy, Joe and his Gran. It was one of the greatest sadnesses of his life that that happiness hadn’t lasted, that loss after loss had slowly corroded his idyllic childhood. 

The rot had started when his gran had left for Spain when he had been eight years old. Annie had been the glue that had held the family together, without her steady hand on the rudder things had slowly deteriorated and when Joe had died in a car crash the following year when he was nine things had never been the same again. From then on things had spiralled ever downwards until they reached the inevitable implosion when he had been nineteen years of age. 

The first sign of his impeding doom had been when Andy had come on the scene when he had been ten years old and damaged his status quo with his parents. His father, whom he now realised had been an idealistic crusader had seen taking in Andy as his latest mission in life, that to give a boy from a broken family a secure and loving home was a worthy cause for him to undertake. He had invested so much time in helping Andy overcome his bad start in life that he had forgotten he already had a son that needed his love to. 

Robert sighed as he remembered how lonely he had felt back then, it had been like he had suddenly become invisible to his dad. He came to think that his dad loved Andy more than him, that there was nothing he could do to change that. It had slowly eaten away at him, making him more and more bitter with the passing years.  
Despite all the terrible things he did, Andy always remained his dad’s favourite, the son that he loved with all his heart. He forgave him everything. He protected Andy when he accidentally burnt his wife to death, when he shot him, when he got an underage teenage girl pregnant, the list of his wrong doings seemed endless but the result was always the same, his dad always stood by him, making excuses for him and loving him regardless of what he had done. 

Robert knew he had never been so blessed. Everything he did wrong made his dad despise him even more until it got to the stage where he wondered if his dad still even loved him. He reflected that he hadn’t always behaved well but maybe that it had been psychosomatic, that he wouldn’t have behaved the way he had if his dad had taken more interest in him, that he only played up for attention, to get his dad to realise he still existed.

The memories damped his mood once more. Before he realised what he was doing he voiced his thoughts out loud. “What did I do that made my dad hate me the way he did? I know that I wasn’t the son he wanted, I know that it disgusted him when he caught me kissing Jamie but I was still his flesh and blood when everything was said and done, why couldn’t he love me like any normal dad should have done whatever my life preferences were. He made is so hard for me to be myself. He made me hate my sexuality for years, I suppressed it and lived a lie just to please him and look how disastrous that turned out?”.

Annie was taken aback, this wasn’t what she had expected Robert to say. She could hear the bitterness in her grandson’s voice, not that she could blame him for feeling how he did, Jack had made a total mess of raising him. “He didn’t hate you lad. He loved you deep down, it was just that he found it hard to show you and that was his fault not yours. As for catching you with Jamie when you were fifteen, you dad was old fashioned, it wasn’t something that he was comfortable with and he didn’t know how to deal with what he saw, not that there was any excuse for how he treated you, it was despicable. He was the adult, he should have worked out how to deal with your issues, be the father you needed”.

Annie paused a moment to find the strength to continue. “Just before your dad died we talked about you. I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of his parental skills where you were concerned. He was genuinely sorry for how things had turned out between you both. He confessed that he didn’t know how to give you the love you needed. The trouble was you were to alike for your own good. Both strong willed, determined to have your way, prickly and obstinate. It was no wonder you clashed”. 

Annie started coughing. Robert passed her a glass of water so she could sip on the smoothing liquid to ease her throat. When she was ready she resumed her narrative. “He really did miss you after he had banished you but the truth was he thought in the end that it was for the best, that if you and Andy had stayed in the same place any longer it would end in tragedy and it did for Max King didn’t it. Your dad thought that had he not sent you away when he did it would have got even worse, that one of his son’s would die and the other would end up in prison for murder. I know you don’t want to hear this Robert but he chose to keep the son he knew wouldn’t be strong enough to survive on his own”.

Robert laughed mirthlessly. “Your right I don’t want to hear it. Becoming a father myself had made me realise that what he did was unforgivable, I just can’t understand how any father could abandon his child. I swear that as long as I live I will never treat Seb and Annie the way he did me, whatever they do and don’t do I will always love them and stand by them no matter what.

Annie acknowledged what Robert had just said. “I know you will. They are two very lucky children to have you as their father”.

Annie paused a moment to think long and hard whether she should tell Robert a truth that she had been concealing from him for over twelve years. Judging by the bitterness he had displayed towards his father’s treatment of him she wasn’t sure if it would do more harm than good but her conscience dictated that he should be told before it was to late and she took her secret to the grave. “I want you to promise me that after I have told you what it is I have to say to you, you will not take the matter further and seek retribution”.

Robert was intrigued. “Why would I seek retribution, is the secret you have to tell me so bad that it will make me want to hurt someone, seek revenge?”

Annie sighed, it was so typical of Robert to always want a reason before he committed to anything, he always had to know every last fact before he made a decision but then she reflected that was what had made him so successful and top of his game, he was never comfortable in leaving anything to chance. “Because I want you to let the past go for your own sake. You have to let sleeping dogs lie. I want your solemn promise Robert that you will not retaliate to any wrongs that you conceive were done to you”.

Robert nodded. “Ok, if it’s that important to you I promise you that whatever you have to say to me I will not seek any retribution”.

Annie looked pointedly at him. “You mean that?”.

Robert nodded. “If it makes you any happier I swear on Seb and Annie’s lives that I will keep my promise”.

Annie visibly relaxed. “When your dad took ill we didn’t know at that point how serious it was but it was a shock to hear that his heart was so weak, it was a wake up call if you like. Your dad’s mind turned to his past and the regrets he had. One of his biggest regrets was how things had turned out between you both. That’s why he wanted to see you back in 2009 so he could try and repair some of the damage he had caused between you. Jack was so happy when I told him you were at the airport waiting to catch a flight to Spain. As we were waiting for you to arrive we talked about you”. 

Annie coughed again. When she was ready she steeled herself to resume. “I told him that you were about to finish your final year at university”.

Annie had to stop. This part was very difficult. “He was surprised at what I told him, said he didn’t know how it was possible that you could be at university. When I asked him why he would think that he told me that he thought you would still be in prison. Needless to say I was stunned, I had no idea what on earth had made him believe that was where you were. The truth is Robert that after he banished you Jack and I had some choice words and we didn’t talk for a long while and when we did resume talking to each other you were strictly off limits. Anyway I got to the bottom of it”. 

Annie stalled for time. This was the hardest part to tell. “Your father believed the reason you were in hospital all those years ago was because of injuries you had received in a car accident. He was under the impression that you had been drink driving and due to your intoxication you had caused the death of an innocence family of four”.

Robert was incredulous. “Why on earth would he tell you that I had been in a car accident?

Robert paused a moment as he remembered something. “Diane told Aaron the same thing when I had been in hospital with my brain tumour. She told Aaron the same pack of lies. In fact if my memory serves me right she got quite nasty with Aaron when he told her she had got her facts wrong”.

Annie suddenly felt the enormity of what she was about to tell Robert. She knew that it would break his heart. “It’s what your dad truly believed had happened”.

Robert shook his head. “I don’t buy that. The police told me that they had gone to see him and that they had filled him in on what had happened. Whilst I have my own theories why do you think he would have make up some cock and bull story about a car accident?”.

Annie stared at Robert for a while. She knew her answer would devastate him. “Because that was what he was told. When the police arrived to talk to your father he was up at the top field so their first contact was with Andy. I don’t think the police told him all the details about what had happened to you but they told him enough for him to know you have been an innocence victim of a hate crime. Andy told the police that he would get your father so they could talk to him”.

Robert sat there motionless. He found it hard to breath. Andy!. Why was he not surprised. He knew that Andy had hated him so much back then but this took his hatred to another level. He came back to reality when he heard Annie speak again. “Andy lied to your dad. He told him that you had been involved in a car accident. Whilst his lies were despicable it was smart of him, after what had happened to Max King getting your dad thinking you had been drink driving and killed people would have meant he would have been appalled with you. There was no way he would have wanted to see you after what he had believed you had done. Knowing Jack he would have blamed himself for what had happened. If he hadn’t covered for you over Max King then further innocent people wouldn’t have died”.

Robert started to seethe. “I wasn’t the only one to blame for Max King’s death. Andy played his part to, not that dad ever wanted to believe that, he was only to happy for me to take all the blame. I swerved my car. Andy was the one that didn’t, Max saw that he was going to drive straight into me and grabbed the wheel to stop him. But then Andy never did have any compulsions about trying to kill me. It wasn’t the first time he had tried and it wasn’t the last, he was behind me being shot a few years ago”.

Annie squeezed Robert’s hand to calm him. She had known that he was going to react badly to what she had told him. “Don’t upset yourself. The past is the past Robert and it can’t be changed however much we both would like to alter things”.

Robert felt some of the anger begin to leave him. He gently squeezed Annie’s hand back, mindful not to hurt her. “I’m really sorry, under the circumstances this is the last way I should be behaving”.

Annie smiled weakly at Robert. “You wouldn’t be human if you hadn’t of reacted the way you just did. Your dad was devastated when I told him that it had got it wrong, that there had been no car accident. Of course he realised straight away what had happened, that Andy must have lied to him the day the police came round. Your father blamed himself, said that he had made a mess of dealing with the issues between you and Andy, that he should have done more to fix things between you”

Robert sighed. “He couldn’t have fixed anything back then. My relationship with Andy was broken beyond repair”.

Annie smiled sadly. “Your right of course, but your father should never of let things get so bad between you both. A part of me wished that Amos and me had kept you in Spain after Sarah died. It would have saved you so much heartache and suffering in the long run”.

Robert found it impossible to talk, even after all these years the pain was still so very raw. After he had found out that Andy was responsible for Sarah’s death he had fled to Spain to stay with his gran and Amos. He had loved being with them and had wanted the stay to be permanent but his dad had been insistent that he should return to Emmerdale. He had been distraught when he had had to leave Spain. One thing he knew for sure was that Annie was right, that in hindsight it would have been better for everybody if he had stayed put.

Annie waited a while for Robert to regain his focus, she could only imagine the turmoil he must be going through. She continued to tell Robert about the conversation she had had with this dad. “Of course as soon as I said that you hadn’t been involved in a car accident your father was insistent that I told him what had really happened. I found I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the whole truth, I just told him that you had been a victim of a hate crime, through no fault of your own I might add, I didn’t want him to think in anyway that it had been your fault. A part of me wondered if I should have told him everything but Amos and I talked about it later and we both came to the conclusion that it was up to you to decide if you wanted to go into more detail”. 

Robert felt his grip on his emotions begin to falter. The part of his past that Annie was talking about was something that he usually refused to even think about let alone discuss. He knew that Annie obviously needed to talk, to get things off her chest before it was to late but he wished that she would change the subject, he really did.

Annie continued. “Your father told me about the last time that you spoke to each other. He confessed to me how cruel he had been to you. He was inconsolable, thinking about the pain he must have caused you, not just then but over the ensuing years. He was so ashamed of himself, Robert”.

When Robert didn’t reply Annie soldiered on. “Your dad would have wanted you to know that he would never had said what he did to you if he had known the truth and that he would have come to the hospital to be with you, that he would never have left you there all on your own to deal with what had happened”.

Robert finally broke again, he felt the long pent up tears begin to fall in earnest down his cheeks. As quickly as he wiped them away they kept coming. He reflected about how cruel fate could be. If only his dad had been at the farm that day when the police called how different things might have been. He willed him to stop torturing himself with what ifs, what was done was done and could never be changed.

Annie gave Robert some time to compose himself before she continued what she need to say. “In hindsight it’s no wonder you were in the state you were when I found out what had happened to you and made my way to the hospital to be with you. You know that you should have told me about what had happened between you and your father. I would have put him straight in no uncertain terms”. 

Robert found that the tenuous control he had just managed to assert over his emotions crumble. The tears began to flow once more. He bowed his head, placing his hands over his face, trying to block the devastation he felt at what Annie had told him. All these years he had tortured himself as to why his dad had abandoned him after the attack. He had thought that it was because he had been visiting Canal Street in Manchester, that his dad found him abhorrent because of his attraction to men and all this time it had been because of the poison Andy had filled his head with.

In some perverse way Robert had to hand it to Andy, he had played a blinder. He had chosen the right things to say to his dad to ensure that he would hate him and never want him back, to have killed people in a car accident so soon after Max had died would have made his dad blame himself, thinking that if he had reported Robert to the police as he should have done then those people would have still been alive. 

Robert reflected that his dad in his typical fashion would have glossed over the fact that Andy had more than played his part in the tragedy that befell Max, that in his mind it would have been all his fault. He felt the bitterness at the injustice of it all claw at his innards. His dad had forgiven Andy time and time again for doing some pretty terrible things yet it was always him that was taken to task for his wrongdoings, that his dad would always make him feel that he was bad, worthless and unlovable and subsequently deep down he had hated himself as a result.

Robert laughed inwardly at himself. He had always thought that Andy was thick but in his own way he had proven to have been more that a match for him, what he had lacked in brains he had more than made up for in sly underhand cunning. He had won the battle between them hands down. He got to keep his dad all to himself, the favoured son that could do no wrong whilst he had been cast out into the cold without any hope of a scrap of warmth being thrown his way, abandoned and unloved.

Robert wiped his eyes. He felt emotionally raw. A part of him wondered if the pain would ever stop, was he destined to be hurt over and over again. He began to feel a coldness seep into his bones as he saw the bleakness of the future that laid ahead for him. In a moment of clarity he realised that he was going to reject Aaron’s overtures of a reconciliation, that he couldn’t bear to put himself in harms way any more, that he no longer had the strength to try again. A cold calm began to settle over him.

Robert wiped his eyes and nose and faced Annie again. “You know thinking about it, maybe, in hindsight things did turn out for the best after all”.

Annie was shocked to the core. “What on earth do you mean lad, how on earth can you say that?”.

Robert looked closely at Annie and smiled. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “The latter part of my childhood was so difficult. Deep down all I ever wanted was for my dad to truly love me but the reality was that I was never the son he wanted, there was something about me that he never liked. Everyday I would see the difference in the way he treated Andy compared to me and it began to eat me up inside. I was so bitter and angry all the time, it made me cruel and selfish, I wasn’t a nice person to know and be around. I used to spend so many nights lying wake, hating myself”.

Robert paused to wipe some fresh tears away. “In hindsight him banishing me from Emmerdale was the best thing he ever did for me. He set me free. I would never of achieved what I have if I had stayed in that village. With each passing year I would have just got more and more bitter and twisted up inside”.

Robert paused a moment to compose himself. “You and Amos were the ones that set me on the right path. You took me in and cared for me until I was well enough to stand on my own two feet. In later life when I fell in love with Jamie neither of you judged me for being in love with a man, you accepted him as part of my life with open arms. I keep trying to find the right words to express just how grateful I am to you both for what you did for me but nothing I think of is adequate enough to say thank you properly. I owe you both more than I can ever repay”.

Annie interrupted him. “Enough of this nonsense lad. I told you earlier that what you achieved was your own doing. Amos and me might have mapped out the right path for you to take but from then on what happened was down to you. It wasn’t Amos and me that passed exam after exam. That was down to you and you alone and don’t you ever forget that and as for Jamie we both wanted you to be yourself with the person that made you the happiest, whoever he or she was and to be fair Jamie was such a lovely lad how could anybody not like him. It was so sad that things ended the way they did, you would have still been with him if the silly boy hadn’t gotten himself mixed up with drugs”.

Robert smiled through his tears. “You should take more credit for what you have done for me. I never would have survived without you and Amos. You gave me a home and all the love and kindness I needed to get me back on my feet. I would have died without your intervention. You both helped me to rebuild my life and then somehow you both got me through that horrific trial. You gave me the courage to face those men and tell the world what they had done to me. I remembering looking at you in the gallery, willing me on to give my evidence and I knew that I could do it because later when the walls came tumbling down around me as the memories of that terrible day tore me apart you would be there to pick up the pieces”.

Robert had to stop. The memories of that harrowing day were to much to bear. He recollected that when he had looked at the men in the dock that had attacked him he had expected to see monsters but instead they had just looked so ordinary. In some ways he reflected it had made it even worse that those nondescript men could have harboured so much evil inside them. It had shook him to learn that he hadn’t been their only victim, that there had been victims before and after him but he had been the first of their victims where their violence had escalated to such appalling extremes. It had also been a sobering thought to find out that he was the last of their victims to have survived, that they had murdered three other people after him before they had finally been caught. The police had told him that they had all died having suffered the same fate as he had. It has chilled him to the bone. Looking back Robert admitted to himself that at the time he had envied those other victims being killed, not that for one minute he had wished them dead, it was just that they had been spared the agony of having to live with what had been done to them, that they were at peace where nothing could harm them any more. A peace that even know he found it difficult to achieve at times.

Robert shook his head to clear his mind. He knew that no good would come of him wallowing in self pity, he needed to bury the past deep once more. Now was the time to concentrate on his gran, she was all that mattered now.

Annie waited patiently for Robert to process his memories. Once she saw that he was back with her again she resumed where she had left off. “Amos and I were so proud of you that day, you showed such courage to face those men the way you did. I thought to myself, that’s my grandson. You were a true Sugden through and through”.

Robert smiled ruefully. “I’m not that any more. I’ve gone back to being a Merrick again and this time its for good”.

Robert paused for a moment. “I’m really sorry if that hurts you, you know its the last thing I would ever want to do but I associate the surname Sugden with the worst times of my life and for my own sanity I have to let the past go once and for all, I...”. 

Annie interrupted him before he could elaborate further. “A name is just a name, lad. Its what’s inside that counts. You’ll always be a Sugden in my eyes, but I do understand why you can’t use that surname any more, I really do so stop upsetting yourself over it”.

Annie paused to remember how nervous Robert had been when he had told her he was going to change his surname, if memory served her right he had been twenty at the time. She had heard him out. His reasons had all been valid and truth be told if that was what he needed to do to survive then so be it. It had sadden her to think though that her own son Jack had made it to painful for Robert to keep his surname, that due to Jack’s callousness in abandoning him Robert associated the surname Sugden with nothing but suffering and loss. Annie suspected that the attack had also played its part in his decision, that Robert would always associate Robert Sugden as a victim, something that she knew he had wanted to move away from being as he started his life afresh. 

Robert was grateful for Annie’s understanding. “Thank you. I know it wasn’t easy for you to accept me abandoning the family name but you still supported me every step of the way but then you’ve always had my best interests at heart. You’ve always looked out for me”.

Annie smiled at her grandson. “Of course I have lad. Your family, my flesh and blood”.

Annie decided that now she had crossed Jack of her list of things that she had to discuss with Robert before she died she needed to move on to the next topic. Aaron. “I was speaking to your sister Sandie the other day. She told me you and Aaron met just before Christmas”.

Robert nodded, he wasn’t sure what he could safely say without coursing ructions. Annie and the Merrick’s were definitely on the same page when it came to his estranged husband. Robert remembered how Annie had berated him long and hard for not reporting Aaron to the police last year after he had attacked him. “Our meeting was purely accidental. He was at the Leeds office talking to Rupert about the scrap business and I had to go to the office to deal with a last minute hitch with an acquisition Whittaker’s are making in the New Year”.

Annie tutted. “That was very unfortunate for you to bump into him like that. I hope that you gave him short shrift”.

Robert moaned inwardly, he cursed Harry for snitching to his mum about his meeting Aaron last week. “We talked about what had happened. Aaron apologised, said he was really sorry for what he had done...”.

Annie interrupted. “So he should be, he behaved appallingly. If you hadn’t been so soft and reported him to the police like you should have done he would have been locked up, I still don’t understand why...”.

Robert interrupted back. “Aaron knows what he did was wrong. When I talked to him it was obvious that he was devastated that he had hurt me so badly. He was truly remorseful”.

Annie huffed. “So he should be”.

Robert decided to change the subject, the last thing he wanted to do was to upset Annie by talking about Aaron. He knew that she like the rest of his family and friends had been disappointed with his second marriage, in their minds it had somehow managed to be even worse than his first, that they had all thought he had thrown himself away on a Dingle. Annie had eventually thawed towards Aaron when she had seen how happy he had make him but that had all changed after Aaron had hurt him and they had split up. Annie had reverted back to disliking him intensely, she hadn’t had a good word to say about him in over a year.

Before Robert could think of a suitable reply Annie spoke. “So what else did he have to say for himself?”.

Robert groaned. He should have know better than to think that Annie would drop the subject, she had never been one to shy away from asking hard questions. “We just talked about what happened and...”

Annie’s impatience got the better of her. “And what, lad?”.

Robert couldn’t meet Annie’s eyes. She had always been able to cut through his defences, he might be able to fool everybody else but never her. Those razor sharp eyes of hers missed nothing. Robert took a deep breath as he came clean about the full extent of Aaron and his talk. “Besides apologising Aaron also mentioned that he wanted us to give our marriage another go. He said that if I gave him one last chance he would spend the rest of his life proving to me that it had been the right decision to take him back. He said that he would love and cherish me for the rest of my life, that he would support and care for me always without reservation”.

Robert waited with baited breath for Annie’s inevitable onslaught to begin. She didn’t disappoint. “Whilst you have never admitted it to me I know that you have forgiven him for hurting you. Where Aaron is concerned that’s you all over, no matter how many times he has hurt you, you have always forgiven him, you make all the excuses under the sun for his bad behaviour, you’ve blamed his childhood for the way he is as if that should absolve him of taking any responsible for his own actions but surely even you can see that it would be folly to take him back”.

Robert was so stung by Annie’s tirade he replied without thinking. “Aaron is genuinely sorry for what he did and as for him using his childhood as an excuse for his previous bad behaviour how could you think that anybody would not have been severely mentally screwed up after being raped by their own dad. He was bound to have issues that he needed to deal with. All things considered I think it’s remarkable that he had the courage to turn his life around and become the amazing man I knew”.

Annie beamed at him. Robert felt as if the rug had been pulled under him, he had expected her to be scowling. What was she playing at. “Seems to me that you have already made your decision. You’re going to take him back”.

Robert rubbed his face in consternation. “Honestly, I don’t know. Just a few minutes again I was adamant that I wasn’t. I’ve thought long and hard about letting Aaron back into my life and I’m still no closer to making my mind up what to do for the best. A part of me wants him back but then I worry that to much has happened between us for us to ever get back on track again. Besides it not just what I want that matters, there’s Seb and Annie to consider, they are my main priority, their well being has to come first in whatever decision I make”. 

Robert halted a second before he made his confession. “I still love Aaron, there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t miss him but as well as thinking about the children I also have my own concerns. I’m terrified that if I let him back into my life once more and things don’t work out the pain of losing him again will be more than I can bear. What good would I be to Seb and Annie if I end up a broken wreck, wallowing in self pity. I remember when we reconciled the last time we split up I rejected him at first because I knew it would be less painful to never have him back than lose him again”.

Annie felt so sad as she heard the pain in Robert’s voice. She wished that her time wasn’t running out so quickly, that she had more time left to help him sort his life out.

Annie began to caress Robert’s hand, trying to offer whatever support she could. She looked closely at her grandson. He reminded her so much of her first husband Jacob, they had the same fair hair, pale skin and long limbs, but Robert had turned out to be the much better man. 

Annie reminisced about how Robert had taken such good care of her in her later days. When she and Amos had began to struggle for money Robert had stepped up to the plate. He had brought them the villa that she currently lived in, provided carers around the clock when they had both reached an age where they struggled to take care of themselves so they could remain in their own home for which they had been eternally grateful for. Paid all their bills. There wasn’t anything that had been to much for him to undertake on their behalf.

Annie reflected that it had been typical of her grandson that he went that extra mile for the people he loved without expecting anything in return. There were times when Annie wasn’t sure whether his generosity should be applauded or condemned. At the very least he should expect a thank you, an appreciation for what he had done to help the people around him. Annie felt angry that all to often she had seen Robert’s kindness taken for granted, that some of the people close to him especially his husband and his awful family, Diane and Vic had never shown him the gratitude he fully deserved. They were all parasites in her eyes. At least Robert had his Merrick family. They were made of a different mettle.

Thinking about Diane and Vic made her cross. Since Robert had split up with Aaron their attitude towards him had made her seethe. The things that they had said about him had incensed her so much that she had washed her hands with them both, keeping contact to a bare minimum. It was why they weren’t here with her now. She didn’t want them to ruin her last few hours on earth as he knew they would have treated her grandson like dirt in front of her eyes.

Annie thought long and hard about what she should say next. On reflection she was worried sick about the consequences if her advice proved to be wrong as she knew that she wouldn’t be around to fix her mistake. The last thing she wanted to do before she died was to be responsible for sending her grandson on another path that could lead him to more unhappiness. “I don’t know if this is the right thing to say to you, I really don’t. I’ve thought long and hard about your meeting with Aaron and his request for a reconciliation and as much as I am doubting my own wisdom here I thing that after a lot of consideration you should give him one last chance”.

Robert gasped out loud. This was the last thing that he expected his gran to say. He found that his brain had frozen, robbing him temporarily of coherent thought.

Annie could see the confusion written all over Robert’s face. She lightly squeezed his hand, she knew she was making a habit of it but she was to weak to hug him so it would have to do instead. “I need you to listen to me Robert, its important that you pay attention to what I have to say”.

Annie paused a moment to make sure that she had got Robert’s full attention. “You’re still a comparatively young man Robert and God willing you have years left ahead of you. Those years are going to seem very long and extremely lonely if you insist on remaining single, its not in your DNA to live alone. I understand that despite having had numerous offers you have avoided dating again, you have point blank refused to let anybody get close to you, now I assume this is because to can’t face being with anybody but Aaron”.

Annie stopped briefly, she needed to chose the right words that would pierce the armour plating that Robert had wrapped around his heart since his split from Aaron. “What if you live to be my age Robert? Do you want to spend…

Annie struggled with her maths. Robert provided her with the answer. “Sixty-six years”.

Annie smiled at him and continued. “Sixty-six years, Robert, that’s an awfully long time to be alone and you are lonely, if you tell me any different you will be lying. You’ve not been yourself since you and Aaron split up. It reminds me of how you were when Jamie died. You have had the same disconsolate look in your eyes, its as if all the happiness and joy has been sucked out of you”.

Annie halted a moment, she was beginning to tire. “I want you to be happy Robert, you deserved to be. I’ll not lie and say that Aaron was my idea of the perfect husband for you, but it wasn’t me that he had to please, it was you and whatever it was about the lad he did make you truly happy. When you were with him you used to have such a sparkle in your eyes, it used to warm my heart seeing you so happy”. 

Annie paused to give her final words more impact. “Life is to be lived Robert, not endured, as if each breath is to painful to bear and you can’t wait for the final one to come. You need to take the happiness that is on offer to you, seize it with both hands and enjoy life to the full, fill your life with laughter and fun”.

Robert finally found his voice. “As I told you I don’t know what to do for the best any more but I do know that I’m fresh out of the courage I need to give Aaron one last shot”.

Annie shook her head in disbelief. “You do have the courage Robert. You are the strongest person I know. You have suffered more than any one person ever should have to in a lifetime yet against all the odds you have always found a way to survive and flourish. Look at who you are now, Mr Robbie Merrick”. 

Annie drew in another breath, it was getting harder to talk. “Deep down I have never forgotten that broken boy I saw in that hospital bed nearly sixteen years ago, I despaired that he would ever get over what had happened to him but he did. If he could overcome that kind of adversity then the adult he has become can surely manage to find the strength to be with his husband again, to let himself be happy once more”.

Robert nodded “I can’t promise you that I will do as you have suggested but I will think very carefully about everything you have said. I appreciate the advice”. 

Robert added. “But then you have always looked out for me, been kinder to be than I have ever deserved”.

Annie shook her head. “What nonsense. Why shouldn’t I be kind to you, you daft lad. If anybody needs somebody to be kind to them its you”. 

Robert found it hard to accept Annie’s words. “I’m not sure you right about that. I have made so many bad mistakes in the past, I don’t think I have….

Annie interrupted Robert before he started to travel down the road of self-hatred that afflicted him all to often. “I know that you have a lot of regrets about past mistakes but as I have said to you on more than one occasion what’s done is done. You can’t rewrite history. You have to live with them and make sure they are not repeated”. 

Annie saw that Robert didn’t look to convinced. “Look at it this way. You have always forgiven the people you love for all the terrible things they had said and done to you why should you be the only one who is not forgiven in return?”.

Robert mulled over what Annie had just said. “You know the worst of me, I’ve never hidden the awful things I have done from you. Do you really think I deserve to be forgiven, because I don’t?...”.

Robert continued before Annie could interrupt. “I look at Seb and now Annie and I wonder what they have done to deserve a father like me. I’m terrified that I am going to let them down. I always end up hurting everybody close to me, it’s in my nature, it the person I am”.

Annie was aghast at the turn their conversation had taken. She couldn’t bear to see the torment her grandson was putting himself through. “Oh Robert, what are you trying to do to me, send me to by maker with a broken heart. Come closer to me lad so you I can hold you”.

Robert gently laid his head near her chest and placed an arm carefully across her waist, mindful not to hurt her. He felt her hand caress his head and his shoulders and his tears silently began to flow. Annie gently soothed him, calming him down with soft words. She heard Robert mutter an apology for upsetting her but she hushed him, told him to let himself be for a while.

Annie and Robert remained locked in their embrace for a long time, neither of them felt like speaking. It was Annie that eventually spoke first. “It’s me that should be apologising to you. It was selfish of me to drag you here to watch me die, it was asking to much, then I dropped the bombshell on you about your father and Andy and talked about Aaron, its no wonder I reopened all your old wounds. I’m sorry lad”.

Robert tried to protest but Annie was having none of it. She hushed him immediately. “I’ve not much time left Robert so I don’t have time to waste. From this moment onwards I want you to promise me that you will let go of this self hatred you have for yourself. Stop believing you don’t deserve to be happy”. 

Annie waited awhile to let her words sink in and then continued. “I don’t suppose it will be an easy thing for you to do but you must. I know a lot of your problems stem from Jack, he conditioned you to think badly of yourself, well he was in the wrong to have done so and I told him mark my words. It was wicked the way he treated you at times, you deserved so much better. A child needs the love and support of his parents and all to often Jack let you down when all you needed was a bit of kindness and affection to help you through the bad patches. He failed you, you didn’t fail him”. 

Annie paused. She thought it best to let Robert digest her words slowly. “As you have said you have not always been a saint, but you have not always been a sinner either. Don’t just condemn yourself for the things you wished you hadn’t have done without congratulating yourself on the things that you have done well, and trust me lad there have been so many more pluses than minuses. Just speaking for myself I can say that you have been a wonderful grandson, you have always been here for me and as I said earlier you have been more than generous”. 

Annie felt Robert stir, but she told him to stay put, that she hadn’t finished talking to him yet. “Stop blaming yourself for things that are not you fault, I know its your default mode but put an end to it once and for all, its counterproductive”.

Annie paused briefly before beginning the final part of what she had to say. “Stop believing that you are not worthy of love, you most definitely are. Your Merrick family and your friends love the bones of you Robert, trust their judgement they are not wrong to care about you the way they do, you deserve every last drop of their love and as for your children, Robert, your son adores you, you are a brilliant father to him and I know you will be equally as good with Annie to. They are two very lucky children to have a father like you, they will be loved and cherished all their lives, you will care for them and support them in a way you never were by your dad, you will never let history repeat itself. So start being kind to yourself. You have suffered more than enough for anybody’s lifetime and its time for you to stop all this self inflicted pain once and for all. Learn to love yourself lad”.

Annie was exhausted by her monologue, but there was one more thing that she needed to say. “You have to promise me, this very minute that you will put the past behind you and let yourself be happy. If you don’t my soul won’t rest, Robert, so you have to promise me faithfully that you will do as I ask”.

Robert felt emotionally battered. He could barely breath let alone speak. He raised his head and looked at Annie, she saw that his face had been ravaged by tears, there was so much pain showing in his eyes, yet as broken as he looked she detected something different about him. Annie felt a flicker of hope, that maybe, just maybe she had gotten through to him at last. Her hope was reinforced when Robert finally started to speak. “What you have asked of me will take time to achieve, I’ve spent so long hating myself at times that I can’t promise you that I will be able to change overnight but I promise you I will try very hard to do as you ask, I really will, not just for my sake but for Seb and Annie’s sake as well, I swear I will”.

Annie closed her eyes. She allowed herself to dare to believe that she succeeded in her final mission, to get her grandson to try and find peace within himself. She knew that it would take time for that to happen and it would be a struggle but unbeknownst to him she had already planned for him to be helped by those around him “So what about Aaron?”.

Robert sniffed. “You don’t give up do you. I told you that I can’t make any promises there and to be honest I’ve not really had a chance to think things through clearly what with Christmas and now...”

Annie gave Robert a pointed look. “But you are going to think about it aren’t you?”

Robert sighed. “If it makes you happy I will, I must say though that I’m still rather bemused by your change of heart. It wasn’t so long ago that you told me that he was the devil incarnate and I was well rid of him and his dreadful family”.

Annie smiled. “There’s an old saying, better the devil you know and since you keep turning your nose up at everybody else he’s the only option on the table if you aren’t going to spend the rest of your life alone”.

Robert surprised himself by laughing. “You’ve amazing, Annie Sugden Brearly, you know that don’t you. I am going to miss you so much, you are the only person I know that would spend the last few moments of her life trying to fix me when she should be resting peacefully”.

Annie scoffed back at him. “Nonsense lad, I’ll have plenty of time soon to rest where I am going. I want to spend every precious moment I have left with my beloved grandson, I can’t even begin to tell you what it means to have you by my side for my final moments on earth”.

Robert found his throat constrict as his emotions told hold of him once more. He breathed deeply to steady himself. He leant down and kissed Annie on the forehead, conveying all the love he felt for her in that simple gesture.

Annie leaned back into the pillows, a feeling of peace descended on her. She had one last thing to ask of Robert before the final breath left her body. “There is one last thing I need to ask you to do for me and you have the right to say no, I will completing understand. When I pass away I want you to take me back to Emmerdale and lay me to rest under the Yorkshire soil of my birth”.

Her request hit Robert hard. She had once more put into words that the inevitable was happening, that she was soon to pass away and he would be losing her forever. He found words impossible to come by so he nodded his assent.

Annie looked closely at Robert, seeing the unshed tears in his eyes. She needed to hear him say out loud that he was alright with her request. “Are you sure lad, because I know the enormity of what I have just asked of you, you really can say no if it is to much for you to bear, I will completely understand”.

Robert smiled sadly at her. “It is not to much, I promise you its not, in fact it will be an honour to take you home”. 

Annie felt her heart soar at his words, she had heard the sincerity in his voice and knew that he was speaking the truth. “It won’t be easy for you though, you having to step foot back on Emmerdale soil”.

Robert nodded. “I know it will be difficult but I will cope, after all it’s only one day out of my life and it is one that I will get through for you because it is important for me to do you proud. I want to give you the send off you so richly deserve after all you were Emmerdale’s first lady, the matriarch of the village”.

Annie blushed to her roots. She was to modest to say but her grandson’s words had meant the world to her. “Get away with yourself lad, I’m the last person to be considered a lady, I’m just an ordinary country lass at heart!”.

Robert shook her head at her. “This is no time for false modesty, I will make sure that you’re given all the respect you deserve”. 

Robert smiled at his grandmother as he continued. “You are the most remarkable person I have ever meet and I will always cherish the fact that I have had the privilege of having you in my life. I am going to make no apology for repeating myself again but you are the one person that has never ever let me down, even at my worst you have stood by my side and loved and cherished me even when I least deserved it. That means more to me that I can adequately put into words. From now on I promise you that I will always try and be the person you would want me to be, I will do you proud and that starts with giving you the funeral you deserve, even if it has to be in Emmerdale and everything that it will entail for me. I won’t let you down”. 

Annie smiled. She could see the strength returning to her grandson. She reflected that out of all her children and grandchildren he was the one that was most like her. He had her spirit in adversity, whatever life had to throw at him he always met it head on however painful it was, he would pick himself up and get on with his life. “I know you will lad, but I don’t want a fuss mind you. If you look in the draw next to you, you will see the plans I have made for my funeral. I want you to follow them to the letter lad, under no circumstances do I want anything to fancy”.

Robert nodded. Why had he thought for one minute that she would let herself bow out other than the way she wanted for herself, his grandmother was going to be formidable to the very last breath. “Ok. Message received but I can’t promise you that if your plans are a little to austere I won’t embellish them slightly”.

Annie looked on the verge of interrupting him but Robert held up a hand to stop her. “But I can promise you that I will not do anything that I know you would disapprove of, there will be no vulgarly ostentatious moments that would have you rolling in your grave”.

Annie was reassured. “Very well, but mark my words lad, I’ll haunt you if you do go over the top. I still shudder at what Diane told me about Val Pollard’s funeral. It was tasteless from start to finish, but then she always was a law unto herself”.

Robert smiled. “Val was certainly that, but she knew how to enjoy herself and her funeral with never be forgotten that’s for sure”.

Annie tutted at him in response.

Annie’s felt the last remnants of her strength drain away, talking to Robert had taken its toll on her, not that she minded as there had been things that she had needed to say to him. Now that she had accomplished everything that she had set out to achieve she allowed herself to sleep. She woke from time to time, reassured to see that Robert was still by her side. 

When Annie was awake they talked some more, but unlike before the subjects revolved around happier times, neither of them wanted to reopen old wounds as Annie’s time grew nearer. Robert showed her photographs of Seb and his sister Annie, he talked about things they had done, his love and pride in them warming Annie’s heart. She felt that despite the pain he would feel at her passing Robert would still have things in his life that would give him joy, that he would be able to heal in time. 

As Annie dozed again Robert began to feel the heaviness in his heart increase as each minute of her life trickled by. The only time he allowed himself to vacated his seat by her side was when the carer’s came in to tend to her. He would then take his time to shower or sit outside gazing at the sea, trying to empty his mind of all though.

Eventually the inevitable happened. At 1am on the 30th December Annie finally passed away. At first Robert had been unaware of her passing, it was only when he felt her hand getting colder in his that he realised what had happened, that she had finally left him for good. He was overwhelmed at his loss. He laid his head across her chest and allowed himself to cry for a while before determinedly taking a grip of himself. 

Robert dried his eyes and began to steel himself for the ordeal that he knew lay ahead. He allowed himself a brief moment to reflect on what had just happened before with a very heavy heart he began to think of the practicalities that his grandmother’s death entailed. He told the carer what had happened so she could speak to the doctor and get him to come over and then began to think about the calls he would need to make later in the day, the people he would need to tell.

Robert sighed to himself. So much to do. Deep down he began to feel the full force of what lay ahead. He knew that Annie’s funeral would be a test of his endurance, he wasn’t looking forward to it one bit but he was resolute that he would honour her last wishes to the letter, he was not going to let her down, it was just that he was going to have deal with people that he had left behind and had no desire to be with again. Then there was Andy, he had on idea how he was going to deal with him after Annie’s shattering revelations about what he had done.

Robert shook his head to clear it of all thoughts. He would leave the worries for another day, what he needed now was sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………

31st December, 2021

Robert was standing in the same place as he had been the year before. Just like last year he gazed around him, looking at the all lights that lit up the Edinburgh skyline. He mused that it hardly seemed possible that another year had slipped by, yet here he was waiting to celebrate the New Year, 2022. Not that he felt like celebrating any more than he had last year, this time though his reason for being heavy hearted wasn’t the collapse of his marriage but the death of his beloved grandmother instead.  
Robert felt exhausted, he has barely slept in days. He was still haunted my memories of his grandmother’s last few days. In some ways he felt privileged that Annie had wanted him to be with her at the end but the pain of slowly watching her fade away had left him feeling raw and emotional drained. 

As Annie had died so close to the New Year it had been impossible to get the paperwork in place to bring her body back home with him. A part of him felt wretched about leaving her in Spain but realistically he knew that it had beyond his control to do otherwise. Robert knew that Annie being the pragmatist she was would have understood, she always believed the living came first so he had done the sensible thing and made his way to Scotland so he could be with his son, daughter and Merrick family for the New Year. 

Harry stood by Robert’s side. He remained silent, letting his uncle find whatever solace he could in the crisp, fresh air. He was worried sick about Robert, he wasn’t alone, the rest of the family were to. They had all noticed how unnaturally quiet he was being, stoically holding back the grief that they knew must be crippling him inside. A part of Harry knew he had being brave for Seb’s sake. Harry like the rest of the family had witnessed Robert make a fuss of Seb when they had been reunited, he had held his little boy so close as if a part of him was frightened to let him go encase he disappeared into the ether. He had been the same with his daughter, he had cradled her in his arms for hours.

Harry noticed that Robert gaze had shifted from the neighbouring houses and was focused on him. He saw that there was a watery sheen to Robert’s eyes, as if the tears were there but were stuck, unable to fall. Harry, not knowing what to say for the best decided to reach out and pull Robert into his arms so he could hug him tight. He felt Robert resist at first before he allowed his body to relax and sink into Harry’s embrace, letting himself be comforted at long last.

Harry spoke softly into Robert’s ear. “We are all going to get you through this Robbie”.

Harry began to feel Robert’s body tremble as the pain finally freed itself. He tightened his hold on his uncle slender body as his unshed tears turned into sobs. He muttered soft placating words over and over again to his uncle, trying his best to offer what scant comfort he could. Out of the corner of his eye Harry saw his ma approach, her concern for her brother etched all over her face. Where Sandie reached them she indicated to Harry that he should manoeuvre Robert to a nearby bench so they could all sit down. 

When they were seated Sandie gently took hold of Robert’s hands. She tried to get him to look at her but he refused, he bowed his head instead, looking down at his shoes. He was a picture of abject misery. Sandie stated to speak to her brother, using the softest voice she had. “It’s going to be alright Robbie, I promise, we are all going to take care of you”.

Robert remained stock still, not acknowledging her words. Sandie tried to reach him again. “Please look at me Robbie”.

When he still remained passive Sandie played her trump card. “You know Annie would hate to see you like this”

Sandie’s last comment finally got Robert’s attention. She heard him sigh.

Sandie pressed on with what she wanted to say. “I promised Annie that I would take of you and I intend to keep that promise for the rest of my days”.

Robert found his voice. “That’s very kind of you and I don’t mean this in a bad way but I am a grown man and I can take care of myself so there is no need for you to fuss over me, I’ll be fine”.

Sandie had known that this was going to be Robert’s initial response, he could be so damned prickly at times, always making out that everything was alright when it was apparent to those around him that it clearly wasn’t. “Tough, because whether you like it or not I am going to be looking out for you from now on. Annie’s made me promise her that I would keep you safe and that it what I intend to do, so no more arguments”.

Robert looked up for the first time and met Sandie’s eyes. “Since when did you agree all this with Annie?”

Sandie hesitated a moment before replying. “Annie rang me in early December and asked if I could go to Spain to see her. When I got there she told me the doctor had told her she had only a few weeks left to live and before you start she made me promise not to tell you. She said that was up to her and her alone. I think she wanted to wait until she thought the time was right...”.

Robert interrupted. “Why did she wait so long, I...”.

Sandie stopped Robert in mid flow. “Because that was her final gift to you Robert, she loved you so much and wanted to spare you the pain of knowing she was dying for as long as she could. She wanted you to have a happy Christmas with your children and family”

Robert put his head in his hands, trying his best to still the thoughts that were whizzing inside his mind. He realised that it was so typical of Annie to try and protect those around her before thinking about herself and what see wanted. On reflection Robert knew that Sandie had had no choice but to follow her wishes, once his grandmother had made her mind up about something it would have taken a cataclysmic force to make her alter course. Robert marvelled what an amazing woman she had been. He felt a pang of sadness that she was lost to him forever.

Sandie gave Robert sometime to digest what she had said before continuing. “You know Annie didn’t need to made me promise to take care of you after she had gone because that is something I will always want to do of my own accord. In my eyes your not just my brother Robbie your my son as well”.

Robert placed a hand over his mouth as the tears started to flow from his eyes once more. He was overwhelmed by what Sandie had just said to him, it meant so much to him, to have such love and unconditional support from somebody that he loved in return.

Sandie pulled Robert into a hug, she heard him whisper his thanks in her ear and whispered back that he was welcome.

Once Robert had regained his composure Sandie fished out a hankie from her pocket and handed it to him. “Here, I think you need this”.

Sandie watched as Robert dried his eyes and blew his nose. His eyes were red rimmed and his face registered his exhaustion. She could see that he was close to his physical limits, that he was desperately in need of rest. Sandie took both of Robert’s hands in her own again, trying to transfer her strength to him. “I’m sure there will be a few more tears in the days ahead, but lets not have any more tonight, you know that Annie would hate to see you like this”.

Robert nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

They all sat together for a while in companionable silence until Sandie started to shiver and she said that she needed to go inside before she turned into a block of ice. Before she left she told them not to be long as the pipers would soon be on their way to herald in the New Year.

Robert and Harry sat quietly. Neither feeling up to further words. Harry mused that his mother had got it spot on. Robert might be his uncle but he was more than that to him, he was like a brother as well. One that he loved without reservation.

When Robert made to get up and go inside Harry stopped him. “Just stay a bit longer, your not quite settled yet. If Seb sees you so upset it will break the little lad’s heart. You know how he hates it when your sad”

Robert nodded his agreement. He tried breathing deeply to calm himself once more so he could put a brave face on things for his son’s sake. The thought of Seb made him refocus his priorities, he had to be strong. Robert plastered a smile on his face and turned to Harry “I’m ready to go back inside now”. 

Harry nodded and they walked back indoors to be with their family, just in time to catch the start of the traditional festivities that would herald the New Year in.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Robert sat quietly as he watched his family take part in the dancing. He had declined to join in and for once they had let him be. Seb had finally succumbed to tiredness and was nestled in his arms fast asleep. Robert heard his phone ping for the umpteenth time since the bells had struck midnight. He quickly glanced at the screen and noticed that it was a message from Liv. He opened it up and saw a picture of her and Aaron. Whilst they had not been crass enough to wish him a Happy New Year they said that their thoughts were with him at what must be a difficult time for him and that they would help in whatever way the could when he was back, he only had to ask”.

Robert was touched by their kindness. He took a selfie of Seb and himself and sent it to Liv. He wished them a ‘Happy New Year’ and thanked them for their kind message. At the last moment he added that he would be back in Yorkshire on the 3rd of January and hoped to catch up with them both then.

After he had sent the message Robert began to have doubts if he had done the right thing in inviting Aaron as well as Liv round to visit him when he returned to Yorkshire. Whilst his grandmother’s words had made a huge impression on him, he was still in a quandary about what to do for the best. One minute he was resolute that he was done with Aaron, the next minute he was all for giving him another chance.

There was one thing that Robert realised he did know and that was that he still loved Aaron. Whether it would be possible for them to make a life together again was the thing he didn’t know. Robert remembered how Annie had always told him never to have regrets, so by her logic if he didn’t try was it something that would haunt him in later life? Robert let the pros and cons swirl in his mind for awhile until he ruthlessly pushed them to one side. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to make a decision tonight.

Robert slowly got to his feet, careful not to wake his sleeping son who was still cradled in his arms and made his way from the hall to his bedroom. As he left he took in all the happy and somewhat merry people celebrating the New Year and hoped with all his heart that maybe next year he would be one of them having such a good time.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

New Years Day – The Woolpack 2022

Liv felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She slowly got up and make her way to the ladies. When she was safely in the cubicle away from prying Dingle eyes she pulled the phone out of her pocket and checked to see if the message was from Robert. Liv smiled when she saw it was. 

Liv loved the photo Robert had sent. Seb looked so angelic fast asleep in his arms. She noted that Robert looked shattered, there were dark circles under his eyes and the smile on his face seemed somewhat forced but then she realised losing Annie would have hit him hard so he was bound to look tired and sad. It was only to be expected.

As Liv read the accompanying message she began to smile. Robert had offered Aaron an olive branch, he wanted to see him when he got back to Mere Place. Liv quickly forwarded the message to Aaron, she knew it would make his day.

Liv reflected that Aaron could do with something to smile about. Since Chas had found the financial report detailing how well Holey Scrap was doing all hell had broken loose. She had grilled Aaron relentlessly about how come the business had been transformed into a multi million pound enterprise and why had he not told her how rich he had become, didn’t he think he should have shared his good fortune with the family. When Aaron had finally caved in and admitted it was Robert who was responsible for his change in fortunes there had been eruptions of cataclysmic proportions. Liv bitterly reflected that Chas and the rest of the Dingles come to that would still hypocritically spend the money that Robert’s business acumen had provided them with even though they loathed him in the extreme and wanted him nowhere near Aaron.

Liv had felt sorry for Aaron, he was a grown man and should be allowed to stand on his own two feet. She believed that Chas should stop poking her nose in his affairs, telling him what to do all the time, but then that was her all over, she had to control his every waking moment. Liv realised that she couldn’t wait for the day when her brother finally lost his patience once and for all and told Chas to mind her own business, she hoped she was there to see Chas’s face when that happened. It was long overdue that Aaron finally broke loose from her.

Liv went back to the bar and sat next to her brother. He had obviously got her text, there was a massive smile on his face and he looked happier than he had done in days. Liv smiled back at him, her fingers crossed that his optimism was not misplaced and that he finally got the happy ever after with Robert that he so desperately wanted.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

New Year’s Day. Scotland. 2022

Robert, Seb, Harry, Priya and Amba were sat in the Dining Room having a late breakfast. The other members of the Merrick clan had already beaten them to it and were sat in the lounge talking about their itinerary for the next two days. In true Scottish fashion they planned to enjoy their two day break. Just as they were finishing breakfast Sandie came in and sat down with them.

Sandie was thankful that Robert looked like he had had a good nights sleep, he seemed less fragile this morning, more like his normal self. Sandie had to admit to herself that she hadn’t liked seeing her brother so upset yesterday, he was usually so strong and in control of himself that him being so vulnerable had unnerved her somewhat, it had upset the status quo.

Sandie had a mission. She hadn’t planned on talking to Robert about her and James’ plans for the future quite so soon but after last night she decided that it might be a good idea to broach the topic sooner rather than later. “If you have a minute Robbie there is something that I would like to talk to you about in private”.

Robert was intrigued by his sister’s behaviour, by the look on her face she was up to something. He acquiesced to her request. Leaving Seb with Harry, Priya and Amba he followed Sandie out of the dining room to a secluded alcove in the reception area. When they were both seated Sandie cleared her throat and began. “I hadn’t planned on speaking to you quite so soon but maybe now, bearing in mind the circumstances, what with Annie’s passing it might be better to get it out in the open”.

Sandie took a deep breath and then just spate it out. “James has decided to sell his business and retire”.

Sandie paused to let Robert mull over what she had just said. “With James no longer owning the company it means that there will be nothing left to keep us in Aberdeen any more so bearing that in mind we have decided to up sticks and relocate to Yorkshire”. 

Robert was startled by her news. Sandy decided to ignore his reaction and continued. “It makes sense. Harry is really happy working for you at Whittaker’s, he sees it as a long term thing so he is going to be settled in Yorkshire for the foreseeable future and as I am sure you are well aware Priya is expecting our first grandchild. Both James and I want to be there when that happens, we don’t want to be long distance grandparents. Also we will be closer to Louise in London so it will make it easier for us to see her more often”.

Robert smiled at his sister. “If that’s what you both want then I’m happy for you. It will be great having you both around, I’m sure that Harry as well as Tommy and Marcie will be thrilled that the family will be back together again, all in one place”.

Robert paused before asking. “Have you decided yet where you want to live?”.

Sandie steeled herself, this was the crunch part of the conversation. “The thing is we want to live close to where you and Harry are so it is going to take us a while to find the right house. We have been looking at property websites but so far there hasn’t been anything posted on them that appeals to us so far. I think we need to be in the area to scout around, so I was wondering and this is a lot to ask I know but would you put us up until we find somewhere to live?”.

Robert was momentarily lost for words, he was horrified by the idea. “Well, em, I...”

Sandie pressed home her advantage. “It shouldn’t be for long, probably a few months at the most and just think of the pluses. James and I can help you look after the children and the house”.

Robert sighed inwardly, he knew that as soon as Sandie had raised the subject he had been presented with a fait acompli and was not going to be able to say no. He reflected that in all fairness he shouldn’t anyway after he had let Tommy and Marcie stay at his flat in Leeds. The only thing that concerned him and it was a hypothetical problem at the moment was having them in the house if he and Aaron got back together, the last thing they were going to want were house guests monitoring their every action. After a moments thought he decided that he would just have to cross that bridge when he came to it. If things got to much they could always escape to his other home in London for some much needed privacy.

Sandie interrupted his thoughts. “Well, stop keeping me in suspense. Is it a yes or no?”.

Robert bit the bullet. “It’s a yes”.

Sandie squealed with excitement and reached over and hugged Robert, she was relieved that he had agreed. “Thank you so much Robbie. I promise you we won’t overstay our welcome, we will be out of your hair as soon as we find somewhere suitable”.

Robert inwardly groaned at that last remark. Knowing how picky Sandie could be finding somewhere suitable might take longer than he was going to be comfortable with. “When were you thinking of moving in”.

Sandie smiled sweetly at Robert. “Well, I was thinking that you could do with a lot of support leading up to Annie’s funeral so maybe we should move things forward a bit, lets say we move in on the tenth of January”.

Robert was dumbstruck, he had been envisaging at least a few months grace before they invaded his privacy. He managed to mumble a reply. “So soon?”.

Sandie nodded. “There’s no time like the present and to be honest things aren’t the same any more for us in Scotland. All our immediate family have moved away. Tommy and Marcie have been Yorkshire now for the last nine months and our children Harry and Louise have long since flown the nest. I know we still have our friends but its not like we can’t visit them and vice versa whenever we want”. 

Robert wondered what other surprises Sandie had in store for him. He thought he should start being more proactive in uncovering her plans. “What will you do about your house in Aberdeen?”.

Sandie filled him in on their plans. “James and I have decided to put our house on the market. As I told you we plan on making Yorkshire our home going forwards but we also want to have a property in Scotland as well. On the Scottish front we have struck lucky, we have already found a flat in Edinburgh we like and have had our offer accepted”.

Robert reflected on what his sister had just said. “It sounds like you have been really busy putting your plans into actions, you haven’t wasted anytime”.

Sandie nodded. “To be honest James and I had been giving serious thought about what we wanted for our future for some time The thing that really galvanised us into action was when a rival firm made James an offer to buy his company, that was back in November. When we thought about it we decided why not sell, its not like James was going to be able to pass the firm on to Harry or Louise, neither of them would have been interested in running it. Then there’s the fact that neither James and me are getting any younger. There’s so many things we want to do and places we want to visit, we thought why not do them now when we are still in good health and young enough to enjoy them. Then as I mentioned earlier, all being well we should have a grandchild in May that we will want to spend time with”.

Robert smirked as he thought of something else. “Have you told Tommy and Marcie the good news yet?”.

Sandie grinned back at her brother. “James and I told them a few days ago when you were in Spain that we planned on moving to Yorkshire”. 

Sandie paused for effect. “What we didn’t tell them was where we hoped to be living until we found the right property to buy”.

Robert couldn’t help himself, he laughed out loud. Sandie laughed with him to. They both knew how Marcie would take the news, but then Robert reflected Marcie had enjoyed rubbing Sandie’s nose in it when she and Tommy had first moved into his flat in Leeds. What goes around and all that seemed appropriate under the circumstances.

Robert noticed that Harry, Priya, Seb and Amba were making their way to where Sandie and he were sitting. He quickly asked Sandie if there was anything more that she wanted to discuss with him but she shook her head and told him that all the basics had been covered, the minute details could easily be sorted over the next few days or over the phone.

The six of them made their way to where the rest of their family were sitting in the lounge. Robert picked Seb up and held him in his arms as he walked beside Harry. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his nephew giving him an enquiring look. Robert realised that Harry must have know what his mum had been planning. He smiled deceptively sweetly at Harry. “Looks like you will be having your mum and dad living next door to you in the very near future”.

Harry tried not to look relieved that his machinations had paid off, when his parents had suggested that they could stay with him until they found a new home he had been horrified. He had quickly thought on his feet and suggested that they ask Robert if they could stay with him in the main part of the house as it was bigger and more luxurious. “So I take it that you have agreed to put them up?”.

Robert nodded. “I could hardly refuse now could I, anyway just think how handy it will be for you having your parents next door, they’ll be able to pop round to see you at all hours”.

Harry saw the malicious glint in his uncle’s eyes, he guessed that he deserved it. “You just couldn’t wait to say that could you?”.

Robert laughed. It proved infectious and Harry soon joined in even though the joke was on him. Robert knew that Harry was going to find it challenging having his parents around twenty-four seven. He could always escape to his London offices and home if they got on his nerves.

Harry nudged Robert and whispered in his ear. “The fun part is still to come. You just wait until my ma tells Marcie the good news”.

Robert and Harry both started to laugh again. The look on Marcie’s face would be priceless when she found out her sister-in-law was going to be staying in a mansion that was bigger and better than the flat in Leeds that Robert had so generously given her and Tommy a short time ago.

Robert enjoyed the moment. He knew that he had only a few days of calm left before he had to return to reality once more, that as soon as he was back in Yorkshire the time to laugh would have to be put on hold until after Annie’s funeral and he could once more move forwards again with whatever life held in store for him.


	22. New beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron finally get to meet up again in the New Year. 2022

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very lengthy delay. I got writer's block and the words would just not come. 
> 
> This chapter turned out differently from what I had planned but it still fits in with my over all goal of what I want for Aaron and Robert long term. Since I have changed the order of things the funeral chapter will be delayed until Chapter 24.

January 4th, 2022

Aaron was once more sitting in the conservatory at Mere Place, he surveyed his surroundings as he listened to Robert and Liv chat. It hit him anew just how luxurious the house was, he felt the same feeling of disquiet he had the first time he had set foot in Robert’s new home, that he was out of place amidst such opulence because it was a place where somebody liked him just didn’t belong. He realised that Robert and Liv didn’t seem to have the same qualms as he did, they both appeared to be comfortable and relaxed in their surroundings, he envied them.

Aaron found himself switching off from the conversation, instead he let his mind switch to thinking about happier times. As he began to recollect the past he felt the first stirrings of desire take a grip of him as he remembered what it had been like to possess the beautiful man sitting so close yet so far from him. He tried to re-engage his attention back to the here and now but he found that he was fighting a losing battle as the lust began to course through him in earnest. 

Aaron reasoned that it was Robert’s fault he was feeling the way he was, he shouldn’t look so stunning. Aaron had long ago come to the conclusion that Robert seemed to be one of those men whose looks improved with age, his face currently had a golden tint to it that helped mask the fatigue that the black rings under his eyes spoke of. His body looked to be well toned and lithe underneath his tight jeans and sweater and he smelt wonderful. Aaron recognised the scent, it was one that he had always liked on Robert, he wondered if Robert had worn it on purpose to taunt him, he dismissed his thoughts as being unfair but nevertheless the scent was intoxicating his senses making him want to take his husband upstairs and make love to him. Aaron gave himself a good talking to, trying to dampen his ardour, before he started to think what he wanted to do to his husband he needed to talk to him and persuade him to take him back first. 

That however was proving to be a problem. Now that he was finally in Robert’s presence he found that he was tongue tied, so much so he had barely said a word since he and Liv had arrived over 30 minutes ago. If the lust wasn’t bad enough to deal with he could also feel his nerves building up inside him as well, they twisted him into knots and clawed at his stomach as each minute passed by. He was frighted to speak in case he said the wrong thing, scupper whatever chance he had of getting Robert back before he even got started on his quest to be reunited with his soul mate.

Aaron had the self awareness to know that he had been on edge ever since he had met Robert before Christmas. When Robert had been out of sight and therefore out of mind he had been able to delude himself that he could exist without his husband. At first it had been his anger that had helped him cope with the separation, anger caused by the false belief that Robert had cheated on him and then when he realised he had got it hopelessly wrong it was the fact that Robert had lied about who he really was that had rekindled his rage. He had ruthlessly suppressed the love he felt deep down for his husband in those early months but eventually even the most white hot anger begins to cool and that had been when the trouble had started.

Aaron ruefully reflected that with the heat taken away from his rage he had slowly come to realise how much he was missing his husband. It was strange but it was the little things that got to him the most, the small thoughtful gestures that he craved to have in his life again, tea brought to him in bed first thing in the morning, his favourite meals being cooked, snuggling up on the sofa as they watched a film, laughing and talking about their day last thing at night as they laid in each others arms, the soothing hand rubs on his back, shoulders or arms when he was upset about something, even getting Robert to let him drive his Porsche and watching him turn white if he drove to fast. Those things he realised were nothing earth shattering in themselves but added together their absence left a massive hole in his life.

As time went by he had missed Robert more and more. He knew that in reality he had only himself to blame, it was his vile temper and insecurities that had caused the break-up but nevertheless despite whose fault it was he had been assailed by a crippling loneliness that ate into his soul. If that wasn’t bad enough the physically needs of his body had then kicked in with a vengeance. He had tossed and turned at night, his body craving the sexual release that he knew only his husband’s expert touch could give him. The brutal truth was that he had become trapped in a living hell of his own making.

Aaron’s knew that all the angst he had been feeling had multiplied exponentially when he had bumped into Robert before Christmas. When Robert had been no more than an image in his mind he had told himself repeatedly that he had ruined everything beyond repair and that he didn’t deserve Robert any more so that the best thing he could do for his husband was to leave him in peace. Aaron ruefully reflected that all those good intentions had gone out of the window when he had seen Robert in the flesh, what he deserved didn’t matter any more, he wanted his husband back and he knew that he would never rest until it became a reality, his very sanity depended on it. 

As Aaron further studied his husband he came to the realisation that he couldn’t bear to be without him any more. In that moment he swore to himself he would move heaven and earth to win Robert back. He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped when he felt Liv jab him in the side with her elbow. “Are you listening to a word we are saying?”

Aaron rubbed his side, thanks to his sister he would more than likely have a bruise where her elbow had connected. He glared at Liv as he replied. “That hurt”.

Liv was unapologetic. “It was meant to. What’s wrong with you, you’ve hardly said two words since you got here and by the look on your face you seem to be a million miles away in another place altogether”.

Aaron felt himself go red, her words were on point. He attempted to deflect Liv’s accusations by going on the attack. “It’s not like I could have got a word in anyway, you two have been talking non-stop since we arrived, I might as well not have been here for all the attention you’ve both paid me”.

Liv shook her head reprovingly at him. “Well that’s going to change. If you had been listening you would have heard me ask Robert if its ok for me to watch a film in the cinema room upstairs and him saying it was”.

With that Liv got up and departed leaving him alone with Robert. Aaron squirmed on his sofa. Now he was alone with Robert, when he finally had a chance to talk to him he found that his voice had deserted him. Fortunately Robert wasn’t so afflicted. “So, are you planning on talking to me any time soon or are you just going to continue to sit there and gaze into space?”.

Aaron blanched at Robert’s bluntness. Last night, well into the early hours he had rehearsed in his mind over and over again what he was going to say to Robert, how he was going to convince him to give him another chance, yet now when the opportunity had finally presented itself for him to put his case forward he was tongue tied. His mind had just gone blank and he couldn’t think of anything to say.

The frustration Aaron felt at his ineptitude tore through him, he lambasted himself for being lousy with words, why the hell couldn’t he just say what was in his heart. To Aaron’s horror he felt himself begin to well up as his emotions got the better of him. He was mortified when he realised that there were tears in his eyes. He angrily brushed them away but it was to no avail, now they had started he found it impossible to still them and soon they were falling silently down his cheeks. 

Aaron looked through blurry eyes at Robert, his misery was compounded when he saw the look of consternation on his husband’s face. He began to hate himself with a vengeance, he knew that at this moment in time the last thing Robert needed to deal with was him having a meltdown. He felt so ashamed of himself. 

Aaron managed to blurt out how sorry he was before he hunched forward and placed his hands over his face, he was desperate to try and block the world far away. He was so wrapped up in his own misery that he didn’t register that Robert had joined him on the sofa. He was startled as he felt Robert put his arms around him, pulling him close to his chest so he could offer him what comfort he could.

Aaron’s tried to pull away, the last thing he felt he deserved was Robert’s kindness and comfort but Robert’s grasp was to tight for him to escape. He stopped struggling and let himself sink into Robert’s embrace, settling against his husband’s chest with his face wedged against Robert’s shoulder. His arms wound themselves involuntarily around Robert’s torso as he returned the hug. 

Aaron took a deep breath to steady himself once more, as he did so the smell of his husband’s familiar scent assailed him. He was hit by a wave of nostalgia, it was another thing to add to his list of things that he missed, the way Robert smelt, that intoxicating aroma that at times, depending on his mood had either been an aphrodisiac that had stoked his desire to possess his husband or as a comfort blanket to soothe him when he was in need of consolation for whatever ailed him at the time.

Robert was feeling shocked at the way Aaron had just broken down. He had always known that Aaron felt emotions more strongly than most but he was at a loss to understanding what had triggered his meltdown but then he had sensed from the moment Aaron had set foot through the door that something was off. 

As he comforted his husband a part of Robert was angry with Aaron for making him care so much. Robert had been determined to maintain a distant between them until he could think straight where his husband was concerned but seeing Aaron in such distress had instantly led to his nurturing instincts kicking in. He hadn’t been able to stop himself caring, but Robert mused when had it ever been any different with this man that he loved with all his heart, body and soul. 

Robert had the self awareness to admit to himself that he had always made it his first priority to do whatever he could to make Aaron feel better, but then he knew only to well that Aaron was top of the list of a handful of privileged people he would move heaven and earth for. Underneath his tough outer shell he knew that he had the capability to be soft with the people that mattered to him, even when they had hurt him time after time he hadn’t been able to switch of his feelings once they had been ignited. 

Robert rued that his life would have been far less complicated if he had been able to stop caring about people that had treated him badly. Unbidden his dad sprang to mind, another person that had treated him so cruelly at times yet despite that he had yearned for his love, even now years later he still wished that things could have been different between them. Robert tried to banish the thoughts swirling in his mind, he was tired of letting the past assail him, it was time once and for all to let it go, he was just torturing himself needlessly, the past was gone and nothing could make things right now.

Robert was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Whilst he was honest enough to admitted to himself that he was enjoying having Aaron back in his arms he grew fearful that he was on the verge of doing something rash. He knew from past experiences that it wouldn’t take much for the sparks to fly between them, all Aaron would have to do was look at him pleadingly with his mesmerising blue eyes and he would be rendered helpless to deny him anything.

Robert started to ache with longing due to his proximity to Aaron. He had always struggled to keep his hands off his husband, Aaron to be fair had been no better with him, even when they had been mad at each other it inevitably had ended up with them having angry, incendiary sex, sex that had been so wild it had consumed them both in its flames, leaving them both breathless at its intensity. 

Robert laughed silently at himself, so many years together yet their passion had never cooled, but then he reflected when had they ever been able to keep their hands of each other, they hadn’t even managed that the night before their official wedding. He began to feel the growing temptation to give in to his desires but at the last minute his common sense prevailed. When he was still so unsure about whether he wanted to give his marriage another go it would be beyond cruel to sleep with Aaron, it could give him false hope where there might not be any long term. 

Robert ruthlessly suppressed his feelings as he waited for Aaron to calm down before he ventured into having a conversation with him to uncover what had caused him to be so distressed.

Thanks to Robert’s ministrations Aaron slowly began to compose himself. He mumbled an apology to Robert, saying how sorry he was for his meltdown. He heard Robert tell him it was ok, that it was nothing for him to worry about. Aaron was grateful for Robert’s kindness. He was sure that he was being polite but nevertheless that fact that he cared enough to make the effort to placate him touched him deeply.

Aaron stayed put for a while. He was loathed to leave the safety of Robert’s arms but he knew that sadly he would have to all to soon, that Robert would want an explanation for what had upset him so badly and for that he needed to put some distant between them so he could look Robert in the eye as he talked. 

With great reluctance Aaron gently eased himself free from his husband arms. He immediately felt bereft at the lack of contact, he wondered it that had been the last time he ever got to be held by his husband and he felt himself on the verge of tears again. He couldn’t bear to think about what would become of him if it was, how he could ever make a life for himself without Robert in it. Aaron hung his head, there was a heaviness in his heart as he continued to think the worst. He found that he was unable to bring himself to look at Robert after all, he was to terrified by what he might see in his eyes, it would be the final nail in his coffin.

Aaron was so wrapped up in his own misery that Robert’s voice startled him when he spoke. “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”.

Aaron by sheer willpower alone forced himself to look Robert in the eye as he replied. “I’m so sorry. I just...”

“just...”

Aaron had to pause to wipe some errant tears away before he willed himself to speak, it was so hard to voice his thoughts. “I am so sorry Robert. I’m making such a mess of things. I had planned on saying all this stuff but I can’t get the words out and I hate myself for being so useless...”.

Robert reached out and pulled Aaron into his arms again as the younger man broke down once more. He felt his heart go out to his husband. From past experiences he knew how hard it was for Aaron to say what was in his heart. His rubbed Aaron’s back to try and calm him once more. He spoke softly into Aaron ear. “Please stop crying, I can’t bear to see you so upset. I know how hard it is for you to talk but you don’t need to be afraid to tell me anything, you know that don’t you. Whatever the future hold for us I will always care about you and do my best to help you however I can.”.

Aaron pulled himself together. Robert’s words had finally got through to him and whilst he was still wary he allowed himself to take comfort in the fact that Robert had implied that he still cared about him. He sniffed. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me”. 

Aaron couldn’t bring himself this time to move away from his husband’s embrace. He rested his head against Robert’s shoulder as he continued. “The truth is that I am the last person you should have to be worrying about at this moment in time. I was so sorry when I heard about Annie. I know how much she meant to you”.

Robert softly murmured in his ear. “Thank you”.

Robert remained quiet for a while reflecting on his loss. He still felt emotionally raw at his grandmother’s passing. He was dreading the ordeal of having to arrange her funeral and then to honour Annie’s last wishes he had to have it held in Emmerdale of all places. The village was the last place on earth that he ever wanted to step foot in again, even thinking about it made him physically shudder.

Aaron felt the sudden tremor ripple through Robert’s body. He instinctively knew what was worrying him. He tried to offer Robert some comfort in return for the comfort he was giving him.“If there is anything I can do to help with the funeral you only have to ask, you know that don’t you?”.

Robert smiled. “Thank you again, I appreciate the offer but I think its best if you keep a low profile for the time being, it will be bad enough having to sort out all the details for Annie’s funeral with Harriet and my estranged family without your family entering the fray as well, you know that all hell will break loose if they even suspect we have had any contact”.

They sat in silence for awhile, both lost in their own thoughts before Aaron finally broke the silence and found it within himself to partially say what he had rehearsed all last night. “Earlier on, before I lost my nerve I wanted to talk to you about us, ask if you had made your mind up about whether you are prepared to give me another chance, if by some miracle we could still have a future together, but as I have just said you have a lot on your plate at the moment so its not the time or the place to badger you, the truth is it would be downright selfish of me to pile any more pressure on you. So as much as I want us to be together and don’t you dare for one minute read this as me giving up on winning you back because it’s not, that’s something I’m never going to do but I think its best if we put things on hold until after Annie’s funeral”. 

Robert was reflective for a moment, he smiled at Aaron, not that the younger man could see as he was still lying in his arms. “Your on a roll, you seem to have a knack of saying all the right things now you have started to talk to me”.

Robert paused momentarily before adding. “I have been thinking a lot about us though. When I was with Annie, sitting with her during her last few days on earth we talked a lot. The majority of our conversations were concerned with the past, mostly about things that she knew still haunted me. She wanted to help me lay the ghosts to rest once and for all. There were other things we talked about as well, she also told me what she wanted my future to hold for me”. 

Robert mused whether it was wise for him to be candid but he decided to throw caution to the wind. “The thing that worried her the most was how lonely I was, that despite putting on a brave face I was still very unhappy at times and struggling to rebuild my life without you. Harry had told her that I had had several chances of dating again but I had steered well clear of getting romantic involved with anybody”.

Aaron pulled out of Robert’s arms so he could look at Robert as he talked. He could see that Robert looked pensive. He waited patiently for Robert to resume what he was saying.

Robert saw the sympathy in Aaron’s eyes. He felt Aaron reach for his hands and entwine their fingers together, he felt another pang of nostalgia hit him as he remembered how Aaron had loved to play with his hands. He suppressed his rising emotions so he could finish what he had to say. “Annie told me that the life I had chosen to lead wasn’t sustainable, that the loneliness would eventually cripple me. Her dying wish was for me to be happy again. In her usual forthright manner she told me that the reason she believed I was turning my nose up at all and sundry was because none of them were you”.

Aaron felt his heart skip a beat. He waited with baited breath to hear the rest of what Robert had to say.

Robert didn’t keep him waiting long. “She was still angry with you for what you did to me, she agreed with my mother’s family that I had been far to lenient, that I shouldn’t have let you get away with hurting me the way you did but that withstanding she had come to the conclusion that you were the only man that could ever make me happy again, so despite her misgivings, she was worried because she knew she wouldn’t be around to pick up the pieces if things went horrible wrong she told me I should give you another chance”.

Robert saw Aaron’s face light up at his words and he acted quickly to stop him getting to carried away, build his hopes up to soon. “I thought about what she said Aaron, her words really did hit home but the truth is that I am still not ready to take you back just yet”. 

Robert drew in a deep breath before continuing “I’m sorry if that is not want you want to hear but I have to be totally honest with you”. 

Robert saw Aaron’s face fall and he felt his heart go out to him. He was quick to try and offer him some comfort. “I still love you very much. I always will but there is still a part of me that is frightened to try again and until I get my head sorted it would be cruel of me to give you false hope”.

Aaron went to interrupt but Robert stopped him. “Please just let me finish what I have to say first before you say anything. The truth is that you really hurt me when you threw me out, you discarded me like unwanted trash, just like my father did when I was a boy when he banished me when I was nineteen. Just like then I had to find a way to survive without the people that I loved. You broke my heart Aaron, you hurt me more than anybody has every hurt me in my entire life and trust me that’s saying something when you have been hurt as many times as I have. There were times when it was so hard being without you, the pain crippled me, made me want to stop breathing altogether. I was a broken shell of a man but slowly with small steps I managed to rebuild a life for myself, I had to for Seb sake if not my own”.

Robert wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes. “Its a miracle that I’m still alive but then I was lucky that my mother’s family, Annie and my old friends all rallied round to help me and give me the support I needed to get me back on my feet. Looking back when I stopped to think about it I realised that it was the complete opposite of what would have happened if I had stayed in Emmerdale after we split up, there was no way that Diane or Vic would have given a damn about me, they believed you when you told them I had cheated on you and subsequently they told me in no uncertain terms that I was the lowest of the low in their eyes and then there would have been your family to contend with as well, god knows what would have happened there, more than one of them wanted me dead for starters”. 

Robert halted a moment. It was proving very hard to say what he had to. “It was only when I wasn’t in Emmerdale any more that my eyes were opened to how damaging it had been for me being there. I had surrounded myself with people that in the main never cared one iota for me, quite the opposite if fact, most people despised and disliked me, they never missed an opportunity to put me down, bad mouth me. Some of the things they believed about me would have been laughable if it hadn’t been so corrosive to my well being. It was totally different when I left Emmerdale, I was surrounded by people that cared about me, loved me for myself. It was a breath of fresh air, it reminded me of what my old life had been like when I hadn’t been in that village”.

Robert stopped, the pain of recollecting those dark days was tearing him apart. He wondered if he would ever be free of his past. He had promised Annie that he would leave it behind once and for all, that he would stop mentally torturing himself by dwelling on all he had suffered in years past but he wasn’t sure if he could. He breathed in deeply and with a concerted effort he brought his emotions under control once more. “After I left Emmerdale, when I could think clearly again I came to a decision that I would go back to being the person I had become after my dad had thrown me out, I decided to resurrected Robbie Merrick once more”. 

Robert paused a moment to gather his thoughts. “I have no idea if you’ll like him, I remember from conversations we had about Robbie Merrick that you were far from keen on him and that’s putting it mildly, but the truth is that I can’t ever go back to being Robert Sugden again. From the latter years of his childhood Robert Sugden had a father that slowly began to make him feel that he was unlovable and worthless, a no mark that would amount to nothing. There were times when I believed that I saw actual hatred in his eyes when he looked at me. After he destroyed me bit by bit until I hated myself because I believed he was right to think I wasn’t fit to be his son he told me that I wasn’t wanted by him or anybody else, that I should leave Emmerdale and not come back. Things ended badly as you know and that gave him the excuse he needed to exile me when I was nineteen. Nobody from Emmerdale gave a damn what happened to me after that and I imagine it wasn’t long before they forgot that I even existed”. 

Robert had to stop for a moment, it was proving to be increasingly difficult to retain his compose. “When I returned to Emmerdale over seven years ago I felt like I was trapped in a time warp. Nothing had really changed. I saw the way people were looking at me. In their eyes I was the jumped up nobody that that risen far above his station in life by inexplicably landing a rich, older finance to sponge off. Even my own family thought the same. Nobody for one moment even thought I was different from the lad that had left all those years ago. They just made sweeping judgements about me without really knowing who I had become or asking what I had achieved. I know that I could have put them straight but they hurt my pride so I dug my heels in and hid behind the person they all thought I was, played to the galleries if you like, living up to all their prejudices. In hindsight I not proud of my deception, I am ashamed of the way I behaved at times, it was disgraceful and I wish I could go back in time and do things differently”.

Robert gazed into space. He felt a hollowness in his heart as the pain washed over him. “Maybe because I knew that I was behaving badly I let people treat me badly in return, they hurt me physically and mentally and I let them because I felt I deserved it for all my transgressions both real and imaginary. Looking back I was so screwed up, I was a complete mess. You always thought I was the strong one but you were wrong, you were so much stronger than me in so many ways, I just hid my failings better, pretended to be...”

Robert halted his narrative for a moment. The pain was to raw for him to keep dredging up the past and he decided to put a stop to it after one final sentence. “I don’t know why I’ll telling you all this again. I told you practically the same things just before Christmas when our paths crossed”

Aaron could feel Robert’s despair as if it was tangible. It broke his heart to see how much pain he was in. He squeezed Robert’s hands in his own, trying his best to comfort him. He knew that he had to chose his words carefully. “Because the pain is still buried deep inside you and you haven’t been able to let it go. I get it. I really do and I can understand why you don’t want to go back to your old life and Emmerdale for that matter, but the truth is that after Annie’s funeral you don’t have to step foot in that village ever again if you don’t want to. I know that if we get back together again we have to start with a clean slate, make a new life for ourselves and I am happy to do so on your terms, whatever they are...”.

Aaron paused, drew in a deep breath and continued. “I really mean that. You haven’t been the only one to do a lot of soul searching when we have been apart. I know that I wasn’t the easiest person to live with and that I made it tough for you to love me at times but you never gave up on me once because that’s the person you are. You take care of the people you love. You are pretty good at listing your faults, real and imaginary but you never list what makes you such a special person Robert and in my eyes you are that and so much more. Nobody has ever loved me the way you used to and having lived without you for the last year and a bit it has made me realise that life without you is too hard, I feel empty all the time without you by my side”. 

Aaron was on a roll now. The words that had stuck in his throat a short time ago were coming to him fast and furious. “I was also an idiot with my stance over Robbie Merrick, I was in a bad place after your illness and it brought it home to me how easily I could lose you and it terrified me. I projected my fears in such a negative way by always thinking that it was only a temporary reprieve, that I was still going to lose you, that something or somebody else would come along and take you away from me. I sometimes wonder if I self-sabotaged, that I made things come true because deep down I’m still that screwed up kid that believes he doesn’t deserve anything good in his life...”.

Robert interrupted Aaron. “That’s not true, you deserve...”

Aaron shut Robert down. “Hey, its my turn to speak. You’ve just said that you have made mistakes so it only fair that I should admit that I have made mistakes as well. I think that both of us have come to the same conclusion that we need to make some changes going forwards if things are going to work between us, that we can’t keeping making the same errors over and over again. I am ok with that. We need a fresh start with new rules to ensure that we never hurt each other again the way we have in the past”.

Aaron looked at Robert, trying to gauge his reactions. “Ok, you can speak now”.

Robert smiled weakly, he was still feeling emotionally raw. “Do you really mean what you have just said, are you really prepared to change your life for me so that we can have a fresh start?”.

Aaron smiled back. “With all my heart”.

Robert laughed tentatively. “Shouldn’t you wait to hear what my terms are first?”.

Aaron smiled back at Robert. “Well this is definitively what I call progress, us starting to discuss terms”.

Robert sobered up quickly. For one minute he had allowed himself to begin to hope that there was a chance that things could work out between Aaron and him after all, that maybe, just maybe they could have their happy ending. “What if what I want from you is more than you can give, it would be selfish and wrong of me to make you sacrifice everything that you cared about just so I could have everything on my terms. I can’t live with you if I know that I will be causing you unhappiness Aaron. I’d end up hating myself”.

Aaron nodded. “Well until we start to go through what we both want how do we know what compromises we both need to make to ensure that we are both happy?”.

Robert smiled. “Ok then, here’s some of my terms. Number one. I am Robbie Merrick from now on. No more Robert Sugden, he’s gone forever.”.

Aaron looked at Robert and nodded his assent.

Robert continued. “Number two. Your relatives. I want to limit my contact with them. Obviously that doesn’t apply to Liv and Faith, but your mother and uncle were particularly vicious and judgemental when we split up and I have finally had an enough of having to tolerate their hatred towards me when they think I have upset you. I not saying that you can’t see them, just that I don’t want to have to spend time in their company unless I specifically choose to. I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I don’t want to surround myself with people that either hate me or think so little of me any more”.

Aaron nodded again. “I can live with that. To be honest I want to step back from them as well. Since I have been back in the village it has really hit home just how intrusive they are, my mother has been interfering non-stop, telling me what to do, asking loads of questions, she’s been a total nightmare. Well I’ve had enough to, I’m a grown man and I should be allowed to live my own life my own way whether they like the decisions I make or not, not usually being the case with them, they are always making critical comments”.

Robert was intrigued. “Wow, that was said with feeling. What’s been kicking off to make you feel that way”.

Aaron grimaced. “You don’t want to know”.

Robert raised his eyebrows at Aaron. “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t interested”.

Aaron was uncertain if he should offload. “Are you sure, do you really want to have to listen to me whining on about my stuff when you have more pressing matters of your own to deal with, I know that you must be feeling pretty low after losing Annie. We haven’t really talked about how you are coping with her loss”.

Robert smiled sadly at Aaron. “To be honest, I would welcome the distraction. It will take my mind off the funeral and everything that it’s going to entail”.

Aaron nodded. “Ok then, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you. My mum found the financial report on Holey Scrap that Rupert gave to me so I was aware of what was happening with my company. As you know mum used to be an accountant so when she looked at the figures her eyes lit up when she realised just how much the company was worth. I think that she was shocked at how fast the business had grown in such a short space of time. Naturally she had lots of questions. I tried to be vague but she suddenly remembered that I had left you to run the business in my absence. Needless to say she ranted about you for a while, quite a long while to be honest and then her imagination kicked into overdrive. Since I told her that you had cheated on me with Robbie Merrick, who she knows is a very successful and wealthy businessman thanks to the Hotten Courier and promise me you won’t laugh when I tell you this but she put two and two together and came to the conclusion that you had got your new boyfriend to help you expand the business for you own devious ends”.

Robert started to laugh. Once he started he found it hard to stop.

Aaron was not amused. “Its not funny. She thinks that you got your fancy man to help you transform the business so you could steal if off me”. 

Robert tried to stop himself laughing for a moment so he could reply. “Of course she does, in her mind I am capable of anything. As for me growing the business it would be beyond her comprehension that I could have done it all myself, well not strictly all by myself as I delegated the donkey work to Rupert to do”

Robert thought of something else to add. “Seriously why are you so bothered about what she thinks”.

Aaron shook his head. “Because she assumes that you and Robbie Merrick are now an ‘item’, Robert Merrick is said to live here at Mere Place, therefore in all likelihood you are here with him living the life of lord muck. If you are so close to the village then I am in mortally danger of being drawn back into your wicked web and that has to be avoided at all costs because you are the devil incarnate. She also can’t understand why you would have made such a success of the business, that you are playing some sick and twisted game with me which ends up with me getting hurt. She won’t let the matter drop, I’m at my wits end to stop myself from telling her a few home truths and that includes telling her who Robbie Merrick really is”.

Robert was still finding everything funny much to Aaron’s annoyance. “Why are you not taking this seriously?”.

Robert managed to do as Aaron asked for a minute. “Well for a start I have got past the stage where I give a damn about what your mother thinks of me and also the majority of your family for that matter and secondly if you really want to shut her up you can tell her I am Robbie Merrick, its not going to be a secret for much longer with me living here practically on Emmerdale’s door step, something will give the game away eventually”.

Robert thought a bit more about Aaron’s predicament. “You know if it would help you could tell her that I built the business up because its in my nature, as Robbie Merrick I am compelled to make a success of every business enterprise that has my name attached to it. Call it pride if you want. You could also tell her that I knew that your pride would never allow you to take any money from me so my building the business up was my way of providing for you, giving you financial security for the rest of your life, even if that life was without me”.

Aaron gulped, he felt tears forming in his eyes again. He was momentarily lost for words. He felt so unworthy of Robert’s kindness after the way he had treated him. He recollected that despite all the times that he had pushed Robert away, especially during the affair era as he liked to call it, Robert had never given up on him once, he had always had his back when any sane man would have run a mile. He felt humbled that Robert had still cared enough about him to give him the financial security that he had never ever imagined in his wildest dreams he would have. The only words that he trusted himself to say were thank you.

Robert watched Aaron closely, he could see the various emotions cross his face, he could tell that he was on the verge of tears again. He felt an overwhelming compassion towards the younger man, knew that he was struggling to comprehend why anyone should care so much that they would help him even when he had pushed them away so brutally. Robert had the self awareness to know that just like him Aaron was scarred by his past, that he to found it difficult to accept love and kindness when he had been conditioned from an early age to expect so little from life just as he had been in his latter childhood. 

It was Robert’s turn to squeeze Aaron’s hands, offering him his support. “It’s ok. You know that I could never stand by and see you suffer when its in my power to help you”.

Aaron sniffed. “I didn’t deserve your help, not after what I did to you. I am so sorry for hurting you Robert”. 

After uttering that final sentence Aaron broke down again. He found himself once more being pulled into Robert’s arms. He clung to him as if his very life depended on it. He heard Robert’s soft soothing voice whispering in his ear, the voice that he used solely for those people that he loved, telling him that everything was going to be ok. He felt Robert caress his shoulders and back and he found himself revelling in the gentle touch of his husband’s big hands, it brought back happy memories from the past. He gradually began to relax and slowly he got his emotions under control once more. He snuffled an apology. “I’m sorry, its the second time I’ve made a mess of things today. Its just that...”

Robert interjected. “I know. It was never going to be easy for us to talk to each other after everything that has happened between us, things got pretty emotional before Christmas as well, both of us have so much pain inside ourselves, in a way it is good that its coming out, that we can release it, it will be the only way we can both move on from what happened and start to heal. Anyway I seem to recall that you were always good at dampening my shirts from time to time, its part of who you are. You have always felt so much, with such intensity that at times its too painfully for you to contain your feelings, they are to much for you to deal with on your own.”

Aaron managed a weak laugh, he was in no mood for Robert to make excuses for him. “That’s me. The eternal water works. I’m so pathetic, I can’t manage to have a conversation like any rational person without turning into a soggy mess, I hate myself so much”.

Robert gently held Aaron as his husband started to cry again. He patiently waited for him to calm once more. He eventually heard Aaron sigh as his caresses placated him once again. The armour plating that he had placed around his heart began to break apart as the overwhelming love he felt for his husband finally refused to be suppressed any more. He felt tears spring to his eyes. He realised that it was futile to keep deluding himself that he could walk away from Aaron, deep down he had know from the moment he had seen him again that he would never have a moments peace until Aaron was back once more in his arms, that he was his soul mate and without him he would always be dead inside however happy he pretended to himself he was. 

The smart, rational part of Robert knew that it was madness to take Aaron back because their history suggested that it would end in tears yet again but the pull that Aaron had on him wouldn’t relinquish itself and he was so tired of battling against the inevitable, he no longer had the strength or inclination to do the sensible thing. He just wanted to be happy again as this man in his arms was the key to that becoming a reality.

Robert waited until Aaron has managed to compose himself yet again before he attempted to talk to him again. He was just about to speak when he heard a noise coming from a nearby monitor that was showing his son’s bedroom. He quickly glanced across and saw that Seb was stirring from his slumbers. He cursed to himself. There was still so much they needed to talk about but further discussion would have to be put on hold while he tended to his son. 

Robert softly murmured into Aaron’s ear. “I’m sorry but I need to move. Seb’s about to wake up and I need to be go and take care of him”

Aaron reluctantly prised himself away from Robert’s embrace. His eyes were red and swollen. Robert reached out and tenderly caressed his cheek. “Look while I’m seeing to Seb why don’t you go and wash your face, tidy yourself up. When I come back we can play with Seb for awhile before its time for tea”.

Aaron sniffed. “Are you sure you want me to stay. I’ve made a right mess of things so far, you must be sick of the sight of me”.

Robert nodded. “Yes to the first question and no to your other comments. Look I know that we can’t leave things like this, that there is still a lot we need to discuss but at this moment Seb needs to be my main priority. He’s still getting used to the house and he gets scared if he feels he’s been left on his own”.

Aaron nodded his agreement. “Of course you need to go to him. I wouldn’t expect you not to. Will he be ok with me being here with you?”. 

Robert tried his best to reassure Aaron “Of course he will. He was talking non-stop about you taking him swimming last week and he asked me when you were coming round to play again. You know that he always loved you Aaron, just be aware that with me around he might be a little shy at first, he won’t be the same as he was when he was with Harry”. 

Aaron tentatively smiled. “Ok. So where is this bathroom then, the one I need to go to to make myself look presentable again. You’ve got a map or something?”.

Robert laughed and gave Aaron directions whilst he left and went to retrieved Seb.

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert, Aaron and Seb were sat on the floor playing Jenga. As Seb was still a bit young to play Robert was helping him by selecting suitable blocks to push. The little boy was having the time of his life, he had his dad’s complete attention and he was enjoying every moment of it plus there was the added bonus of ‘daddy’ Aaron spoiling him to.

As Aaron watched them together he could see just how close father and son were, if anything the bond between them looked even stronger than it had been when they had all lived together at the Mill. In some ways they were so alike. It wasn’t just their facial looks, whilst the older Seb got it was fair to say he was looking more and more like his dad, he appeared to be developing the same mannerisms to. Aaron couldn’t help but laugh when Robert had swept Seb’s hair away from his little boy’s face only for Seb to admonish him for fussing and messing his hair up. Aaron laughed as he remember how he used to ridicule Robert over the time he took in the bathroom getting his hair just right and that was before he started with the poncey face cream. At that moment Robert had looked over at him and smiled, it was as if he had read his mind and was in on the self deprecating joke to. 

Aaron had to admit to himself that he was beginning to feel more relaxed. He and Robert playing with Seb reminded him of happier times and he felt a pang of nostalgia at what he had so carelessly thrown away, he vowed to himself that if things worked out the way he wanted he would never take anything for granted again. His well being was further enhanced when he noticed that Robert’s eyes were flickering on him was time to time, he felt a warm glow inside at the attention his husband was giving him. He was just about to make a lighted hearted comment about the ‘heart eyes’ when their peace was shattered.

Aaron heard a dog barking and then shortly afterwards Freddie came into view bounding towards them at top speed. When he finally reached them he launched himself at Robert. In his excitement the mutt’s tail swished at the wooden tower block and sent the pieces flying in all directions. Seb let out a squeal of annoyance and started to admonish Freddie for his clumsiness. 

Aaron heard Robert laugh as he attempted to calm the dog. Up until that point Aaron had forgot about the blasted cockapoo. As he watched he could see that the love affair that Robert and the dog had was still very much in force, the dog was dancing excitedly around his master as Robert patted and fussed over him. Aaron sworn under his breath.

For some irrational reason he didn’t truly understand Aaron had developed a hearty dislike of the pooch. As he watched, his distaste growing at all the fuss Robert was making over Freddie he was hit with a blinding moment of clarity, he was jealous of the dog. Aaron had to give himself a mental shake as the truth hit home, he realised that he was being absurd, it was ridiculous to be envious of a dog. When he started to analysis this fresh piece of self awareness he came to the conclusion that it probably had something to do with the fact that Robert loved the dog without reservation, he didn’t hold back showing his affection and Aaron realised that was at odds to how he had behaved when he had been with the majority of the people they had known. Robert had usually, for the most part held his feelings in check. It occurred to Aaron that the dog was the one being that Robert completely trusted never to hurt him and so he found it easy to give him his undiluted affection without any fears of rejection. The poignancy hit Aaron hard, causing his heart to ache with sadness at the tragedy of Robert being scared to show love because he feared it being thrown back in his face. 

Eventually Robert managed to get the dog to quieten down, as he did so Harry strolled into the room holding a baby carrier. Aaron caught a glimpse of Annie inside and he was reminded once more how much things had changed in the last year and a bit.

Harry took in the ‘scenery’ as he liked to call it and inwardly smiled to himself. Whilst until he talked privately to Robert he wasn’t going to make assumptions but the fact that Aaron was with him was in his opinion progress. From conversations he had had with Robert during their New Year break in Scotland he knew how unsure Robert was about what to do for the best where Aaron was concerned but if appearances were anything to go by they seemed to be fairly comfortable in each other company at the very least. 

Harry admitted to himself that he still had his misgivings about Aaron, but doubts aside he thought that the only chance of future happiness Robert had was with him whether he liked it or not. Harry also genuinely believed that with him around to keep an eye on Robert he could help him if he struggled to get his marriage back on track, that he could support him emotionally. There was also the dubious pleasure of having his parents about to move into close proximity again when they moved into the mansion next week. His mother had a way of reaching Robert, getting him to open up just like his gran Annie had had so she would be on hand to give him whatever support he needed as well. All in all Harry thought that if things went horribly wrong the risk of letting Aaron get close to Robert again was reduced as his family would rally round him to help him in anyway they could.

Robert got up from the floor and went and retrieved his daughter from Harry. “How was Annie on the journey down from Scotland?”.

Harry looked down at the sleeping princess. “Oh the lassie’s been fine. She slept most of the way, we only had to stop once to feed and change her. It was the mutt that was the pain in the proverbial. He was moving around in his cage non-stop and whining to boot. I wish now I had made you take him with you on the train, that bloody dog is nothing short of a total nightmare when you are not around”.

Robert instantly patted Freddie to comfort him in case he had understood the harsh words. The dog instantly lapped up the attention from his favourite person in all the world. “Don’t listen to that nasty man Freddie, daddy thinks you are amazing and loves you very much”. 

Robert turned his attention back to Harry and glared at him. “You know he is perfectly well behaved when he’s with me. Have you thought that maybe its you that’s to blame, you know that dogs pick up on moods so he can tell tell when he is not being appreciated, if you were to show him more love and affection he would be perfectly fine with you to”.

Harry snorted at the same time as Aaron did, they both rolled their eyes at the crap that they believed Robert had just come out with. Robert glowered at them both, he was further disconcerted when they started to laugh in earnest at him as if they were sharing a private joke that he intuited was about him but didn’t get. Robert stood there, a sullen look on his face until they managed to contain their mirth.

At that moment Liv returned from watching her film. “What’s so funny?”.

Harry looked at Aaron. “Should I tell her or will you?”.

Robert looked peevishly at both of them and answered for them. “They are being horrid to Freddie and me”.

Liv smiled. “Seriously. That’s a capital offence. I hope you and Freddie gave them what for”.

Harry and Aaron couldn’t contain themselves. They started laughing again and Liv joined in. Liv was well aware of Robert’s devotion to his beloved dog to the point she thought at times it got ridiculous. She swore that in some ways he treated Freddie as if he was his third child due to the amount of care he lavished on him.

Eventually everybody quietened down. Whilst they had been laughing Seb had attached himself to Robert’s leg, he had been mystified as to what was going on and had sought refuge where he knew he would be safe. Robert leant down and put his free arm around his son’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze to reassure Seb that everything was alright. The little boy instantly perked up and started to smile again.

Robert placed Annie down careful on a nearby sofa and sat down beside her. She was still fast asleep despite the racket that Harry, Aaron and then Liv had made when they had laughingly mocked him about his devotion to his dog. Robert gazed at his daughter and marvelled at how perfect she was, it had been the same when Seb had been born, he had this feeling of wonder deep inside himself about how it had been possible for him of all people to have helped create something so incredibly special. Robert reflected that before they had been born he had never known that he was capable of such love as he felt for his children, he knew that he would give his life for theirs in a heartbeat if that was what was needed to keep them safe. 

Robert was so wrapped up in staring at his daughter that he failed to hear Harry speaking to him. Harry had to cough loudly to get his attention. “I wonder if you could do Priya and me a favour. The drive down from Scotland had left us both shattered so we wondered if you could cook dinner for us tonight?”.

Robert nodded. “I don’t see why not. Just before you arrived I was thinking it was about time I raided the freezer to get Seb something for his tea. We both fancied some Pasta Bolognese. If I remember rightly there is plenty in the freezer so there should be more than enough to feed us all”.

Liv piped in. “Is there also enough for Aaron and me. I don’t know about my brother but I am in no hurry to rush home and listen to Chas go on and on. She’s doing our heads in at the moment”.

Robert looked closely at Liv. He saw the entreaty in her eyes to say yes. He sussed straight away what she was doing, he knew that she was rooting for a reconciliation between her brothers and getting him to invite them to stay would be her way to keep Aaron in his vicinity for as long as possible, hopefully get him to see what he was missing. Robert to his surprise found that on this occasion he was glad of her scheming, he didn’t want Aaron to leave yet either, especially as they hadn’t finished their discussion thanks to Seb waking up.

Robert was about to answer when Harry interrupted him before he could. “I was thinking that it would be nicer if we had Cottage Pie, especially on a cold day like to day and how about some melted cheese on top as well”.

Robert gave his nephew a scrutinising glance. He had long suspected that Harry was raiding his freezer and from his comments in all likelihood it meant that he had been eating him out of house and home in his absence. “You wanting us to have Cottage Pie wouldn’t by any chance be because the mice ate all the Pasta Bolognese?”.

Harry had the decency to look shame faced. “Well I would hazard a guess that they might just have done that”.

Seb had been following the exchange and asked. “How can mice get in the freezer daddy, the door is very hard to open?”.

Robert smiled in amusement at his son taking what he had said literally. “When the mouse is over six foot tall and has ginger hair”. Robert looked pointedly at his nephew and Seb realised that his daddy was referring to his uncle ‘Arry’.

Seb pondered over what his dad had said. “So do you mean that uncle Arry is the mouse?”.

Robert smiled at his son, he really was a very bright little boy, quick on the uptake. “Correct”.

Seb thought about his dad’s answer for a moment. “So does that mean that he had eaten our tea?”.

Robert didn’t have to look at Harry to know that the answer was going to be yes. He held back on telling Seb because once his little boy had been promised something he was hard to placate if he didn’t get it. Robert mused that there were times when his son was to much like him for comfort. To delay the possible tantrum he decided the best course of action was to take Seb to inspect the freezer, that way he reasoned he could placate him better when the inevitable was revealed, Robert thought there was nothing worse than having an audience when your child had a tantrum. The other down side was that in all likelihood if he kicked off he would also wake Annie up, two children crying at the same time wasn’t his idea of fun and he wanted to avoid it if possible.

Robert picked Seb up and held him in his arms as he made his way to the kitchen, as he went he silently reproached his nephew, Harry had not looked the least bit contrite, in fact he had had a big grin on his face as if his transgression had been a laughing matter. 

When Robert was gone Harry turned his attention to Aaron, he gave him a pointed look. He was surprised that Robert had allowed their paths to cross, thinking that his uncle would have wanted to keep this meeting with his husband private until he had made his mind up what he did or didn’t want to happen between them in the future.

Aaron began to feel hot under the collar. Whilst he and Harry had managed to reach what he thought of as some kind of truce he was under no illusion that Harry was team Robert all the way. He instinctively knew that Harry would prove to be a formidable enemy if crossed and that if he believed it was in Robert’s best interests to remain single he would do irreparable damage in his quest to get Robert back. 

Aaron broke the uncomfortable silence, he tried to steer the conversation away from talking about Robert and him. “There isn’t going to be any pasta is there?”

Harry grimaced. “I afraid not. Priya and I ate the last batch the day you came round after Christmas. I just hope that Seb’s not to disappointed”.

Aaron shook his head at him. “If memory serves me right he won’t be happy. Robert promised Seb his favourite Pasta Bolognese for tea. I imagine that a tantrum is more than likely on the cards”. 

Aaron gave Harry a smug look as he added. “I have to say I am looking forward on how you manage to wriggle your way out of this one. Robert hates it when he has to disappoint Seb”.

Harry laughed. “It will be no bother. Robbie will huff and puff about it for a while, I’ll pretend to listen when in fact I’m letting it go in one ear and out the other and once he’s said his piece he will calm down. The only problem as you said is whether he can placate the little laddie, your right about how Seb is once he has his heart set on something and he doesn’t get it”. 

Harry paused for effect “Far to like his own dad for comfort that way don’t you think, he never knows when he should move on, look at other options that are just as good or maybe even better for him. If only he would be more open minded instead of stubbornly digging his heels in and refusing to see reason life would be a whole lot easier for him”.

Aaron felt himself redden at the pointed dig. He knew that Harry was deliberating goading him but at this point in time he couldn’t fathom why. He tried to formulate some sort of reply but mercifully he was spared having to say anything when Robert fortunately returned in the nick of time. Aaron quickly glanced over at Seb and was relieved to see that the little boy thankfully didn’t look too unhappy.

When Robert walked back into the room he noticed that there was tension in the air. He quickly decided that the best course of action would be to ignore it. He had just managed to avoid one tantrum by the skin of his teeth, he wasn’t looking to initiate the possibility of any further disharmony by asking what was wrong. “Looks like it’s cottage pie for tea after all, it should be ready in forty-five minutes”.

Seb added. “and its going to have loads and loads of melted cheese on top”.

Robert laughed at his son’s interjection and affectionately ruffled his son’s hair making Seb scowl much to his further amusement. His son was definitely becoming his mini me. 

Aaron looked at Liv, willing her to give him a clue as to what he should do. Whilst they had tentatively agreed earlier on to stay for tea after his little run in with Harry he wondered if it would be for the best if they made their excuses and departed. He had been looking forward to the four of them sharing a meal but with interlopers joining them the intimacy of their eating together was in ruins. Aaron also had the nasty feeling that Harry would be trying to wind him up throughout the meal and that his temper would snap and cause him to say or do something he might regret. When things were so precarious with Robert and him that was the last thing he wanted to happen.

Whilst Aaron was still debating what to do for the best Liv had her own plans. She was all for them staying. It was currently her number one goal to get her two favourite people back together again and that would also mean she would have the added bonus of finally moving into Mere Place at long last. Unlike Aaron, whom she had noticed at times had looked uncomfortable in the luxurious surroundings she had no qualms about living the high life. Mere Place was her idea of heaven on earth.

Liv was well aware that Robert had spoiled her rotten since the start of last year and she had revelled in it. Whilst she loved the material things that he had given her it was his unswerving love and emotional support that she valued the most. She mused that Robert had become more than just her brother in law and whilst she was aware that he was slightly on the young side to fulfill the role he had become a father figure to her as well, the type of father she wished she had had and not the poor excuse of the one she had ended up with.

Liv took the decision out of Aaron’s hands when she answered for both of them. “Aaron and I are definitely staying, pasta or no pasta”.

Harry smiled, there was a wicked glint in his eyes as he answered. “That’s grand. It will be brilliant, us all together having a nice family meal. I’d just go and freshen up and Priya, Amba and I will come round in shall we say thirty minutes?”.

Robert nodded his affirmation.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Aaron was once more sitting in the conservatory. He was enjoying an after dinner coffee with Robert and Liv. Thankfully Harry, Priya and Amba had gone back to their part of the house and Seb and Annie hopefully were fast asleep upstairs. Aaron had his fingers crossed that the children would remain that way for whatever precious time he had left with Robert before he had to go back to the Mill. 

Aaron’s early misgivings about Harry trying to wind him up over dinner had thankfully proved to be without foundation. As he had sat there eating his meal Aaron began to realise that this could be a forerunner of what the future might hold if things worked out the way he wanted. He found that he wanted it very much.

As the meal had progressed Aaron had slowly began to enjoy himself. He hadn’t contributed much to the conservation, preferring to listen to the others talk. It had proved to be a revelatory experience. He quickly came to the conclusion that Harry and Robert were not just family but the very best of friends as well. They had an easy rapport that allowed them to mock each other without causing offence, in fact Aaron was amazed about just how relaxed and open Robert was when he and Harry talked to him about their mutual friends and past events. 

Aaron had joined in with the laughter as they regaled him with various stories from the past, some of them were so outlandish he wondered if they were winding him up until Harry swore that every word was true. He quickly came to realise that Robert had lead a much different life when he hadn’t been in Emmerdale, that outside of the village Robert was surrounded by friends and family that loved him very much. It was a sobering thought. 

Aaron also began to conclude how wrong headed he had been about the mythical Robbie Merrick, from what he had just heard over dinner he wasn’t the man his jealous insecurities had painted him as, the man that he had bitched about endlessly to Robert when he hadn’t realised he was in fact his husband but the devil incarnate instead. He felt so foolish now that he had allowed his inverted snobbery to despite the man because of his wealth and success without acknowledging that he was still a human being that could conceivable be a decent bloke if he gave him a chance.

Aaron had noticed that Priya had added nicely to the mix of dinner guests as well. She had obviously built up a close friendship with Robert over the last year and looked to be more than happy with her lot in life. He had heard gossip in the pub about Priya landing on her back quite nicely by landing a millionaire’s nephew but from his observations she and Harry were what he considered the real deal, there was definitely a mutual love between them as their demeanour with each other emphasised. He realised that yet again the gossips who peddled their jealous spite were way of the mark. God forbid that they should be happy when somebody else enjoyed good fortune rather than them. 

Aaron chuckled to himself when he recollected one of the funniest moments during the meal. Robert had attempted to feed Freddie the remnants of the cottage pie. Harry had lectured him on the good manners expected from a host. Shouldn’t he have asked his guests if they wanted second helpings before he wasted good food on the mutt. The look on Robert’s face had been priceless. The only thing that was funnier was when Harry explained to him that his precious dog was actually a dog, not a human being and that there was this amazing product on the market called dog food that he might think to feed him on just like every other dog in existence. To add insult to injury Harry explained that it came in tins or pouches and there was plenty of them in one of the cupboards in the kitchen.

Aaron yawned, he was feeling drowsy. He blamed his tiredness on the combination of good food and maybe a little to much of the exquisite red wine that Robert had served them at dinner. It be fair it was the most incredible wine he had ever tasted. When he had made one of his few remarks at dinner about how nice it was Harry had made him blanch when he pointed out that it was top notch at around five hundred quid a bottle. Aaron had almost choked when Robert had corrected Harry and told him that it was more like a thousand.

Aaron mused that he had stepped into an alternative universe. The very thought that anybody would pay a thousand quid for one bottle of wine was anathema to him but then he realised this was the world that he would have to immerse himself in if he was to stand any chance of being with Robert again. He didn’t delude himself that it was going to be easy, in fact he was sure that it was going to be a very steep learning curve for him, one that he knew he would struggle and falter with at times. When you had his upbringing riches were something that you were thought were for other people not the likes of you.

The sound of Robert’s voice broke his reveries. “So how does it feel to be nearly thirty”.

Aaron winced. “Not so great”. He laughed “I remember winding you up about being an old man when you hit thirty a long long time ago and here I am about to join you in the geriatric stakes”.

Robert laughed. “It’s not so bad. In comparative terms your still young just like me”.

Liv interjected. “Speak for yourself. Some of us are still properly youthful like in our twenties”.

Robert paused a moment as he winced at Liv’s English and the dig about his age. He chose to ignore her as he changed the topic. “I suppose that your mother and the rest of the Dingles have planned a big shindig with all the traditions”.

It was Aaron’s turn to wince. “Yeh. To tell you the truth I’m really not looking forward to it. As I explained earlier things have been a bit strained with mum and Paddy’s been funny to regarding my business. If she blows up tomorrow at the party in front of the rest of the family all hell will break lose. To be honest I just wish that I could disappear for the day”.

Robert laughed. “Good luck with that. Sounds like mission impossible to me”.

Liv gave her two-pennies worth as well. “Robert’s right, you have got no chance of escaping so you are just going to have to grin and bear it”.

Aaron grimaced. His vivid blue eyes focused on his husband, hoping to mesmerise him to his will. “It would make things better if you could be there with me. Give me some moral support”.

Robert and Liv both burst out laughing. It took them a while to stop. Robert answered for them both. “I really think that you have drunk far to much wine. Its one of the worst suggestion you’ve had in ages. Oh my God, can you just imagine it, it would be absolute chaos if I turned up, plus there is the additional factor that you seem to have completely ignored and that is the fact that there is at least more than one of your family that wants to kill me”.

Aaron sobered up quickly as the stupidity of his suggestion hit him. He held his head in his hands. “That’s all my fault. I know that Faith and Liv tried to tell them that I have messed up big time when I had accused you of cheating on me but they wouldn’t listen to reason. They wanted to believe the worst of you”.

Aaron quickly added, bitterly. “As usual”.

Robert was quiet for a moment as the cold hard reality of their past was brought home to him. “You’re not completely to blame. Some of the fault lies with me to, if I had been honest with you about who I really was then things would have worked out differently”.

Liv was disheartened at the turn the conversation had taken, she started to worry that her brothers were regressing back in time. She tried to lighten the mood, the last thing she wanted was for them to go back to square one, especially as she thought that they had appeared to make some progress today in getting their marriage back on track. “Can you both not keep going over the past, what’s the point of raking up painfully memories, neither of you can’t change anything so why don’t you concentrate on the present and the future instead”.

Robert smiled at Liv, she was turning out to be a very special young lady. He sometimes had to remind himself that she was still the same girl that had at times been such a pain in the backside during her teenage years. “When did you get to be so wise”.

Liv smirked. “At the risk of making you even more smug some of your better qualities just might have rubbed off on me over the years”.

Aaron interjected. “Some of the worse ones have to. I’ve noticed that you have developed quite a devious streak as well, don’t think I didn’t spot your scheming earlier on”.

Liv glared at her brother, she chose to ignore his remark and went back to talking to Robert. “So as for some inexplicable reason you are going to swerve the party tomorrow...”. 

Liv laughed at her own joke before continuing what she had to say. “Why don’t you give Aaron his present now”.

Robert was disconcerted at Liv’s remark. He found himself blurting his answer out. “What present is that then?”.

Liv gleefully smirked at Robert again. “Do you really think for one minute that I am going to buy the fact that you haven’t bought Aaron anything for his thirtieth birthday, seriously!”.

Aaron started to go red with embarrassment. “I think that’s enough Liv. Why would Robert buy me anything after what’s happened between us. Just leave it”.

Robert could see that Aaron was uncomfortable with the way things were panning out. The easy going mood that they had engendered over dinner was in danger of going sour. Liv still had it in her to be abrasive when she chose to. Not that she had got things wrong, he hadn’t been able to stop himself buying Aaron something. “Liv’s right. I have bought you a present, its upstairs, if you wait a minute I’ll go and get it for you”.

Robert got up to do as he had just said. Liv pointedly glanced at Aaron, trying to get him to follow Robert out of the room. When he failed to take the hint she resorted to further unsubtle tactics. “Well go with Robert then and get your present”.

If it was possible Aaron turned an even brighter shade of scarlet, he wanted nothing more than the earth to swallow him up. Robert heard Liv’s comment and came to Aaron’s rescue. “That’s a good idea”.

Robert waited for Aaron to get up and then lead him upstairs. 

As they climbed up the first flight of stairs there was a child gate at the top. Robert explained it was to stop Seb falling down the stairs, not that he thought the little devil wouldn’t climb over the top but at least he was doing his best safety wise. Aaron thought that they would go into a room on that floor but he was surprised when they climbed another flight of stairs up to top floor.

Robert led Aaron to a door at the end of a long corridor. Aaron was surprised that when he stepped through the door he was in a large sitting room with books cases lining the walls full of books that he never knew Robert possessed let alone read. One of the walls was all glass and Aaron suspected when it was daylight he would be able to view the gardens and the distant Dales. The room was magnificently furnished. Pictures adorned the free wall space. There were comfortable sofa’s and coffee tables. Robert indicated for Aaron to take a seat and he went through an adjoining door that when Aaron glimpsed through it he could see looked like an office, he could just make out the large desk with a PC on it. 

Robert returned with an envelope in his hand. He sat down next to Aaron on the sofa and handed it over to him. Aaron held the envelope in his hands for a moment, it looked bulky and he wondered what was inside it. He looked at Robert enquiringly as to what he should do, Robert indicated that he should open it. 

Aaron nervously opened the envelope, he hadn’t a clue what to expect. He pulled out another envelope which he surmised held a card but put it to one side as he was to curious about the remaining glossy folder that was still left inside. He gasped in surprise when he saw that it contained details of a VIP no expense spared weekend for two at the Monaco Grand Prix. He looked at Robert, wonder on his face. “This is amazing. I’ve always wanted to go to a Grand Prix and Monaco along with Silverstone is the best one. I don’t know what to say”.

Robert smiled warmly at him. “Thanks will suffice”.

Aaron in his excitement acted without thinking. He reached over to Robert and hugged him tight. “Thanks it is then. This is an incredible present. It’s brilliant”.

Robert felt Aaron’s arms around him and the shock of the sudden physical contact made him stiffen in their embrace. Aaron felt his husband tense up and the mood was spoilt. He released Robert and drew back from him. He saw the trepidation on Robert’s face and he felt as if somebody had punched him in the stomach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I just got carried away because I was excited with the present you gave me”.

Robert felt guilty. He had ruined the moment. He tried to put things right. “Its ok. It was just I wasn’t expecting you to hug me, you caught me unawares”.

Aaron was now a picture of misery. He cursed himself for being to forward, why had he tried to run before he could walk, it wasn’t that long ago that he had told himself to take things slowly and like an idiot he had to jump in with both feet. Despite himself he couldn’t contain how hurt he was at Robert’s coldness. “Was it really that bad, being in my arms”.

Robert was quiet for a minute. He needed time to choose his words carefully. “Its not that it was bad. Its just that you took me by surprise”.

Robert halted. The next words he had to say would be a point of no return for him, there would be no going back but he needed to stop deluding himself, pretending that he didn’t want Aaron any more. “Earlier on, before Seb woke up I felt the barriers I had placed around my heart break and I was on the verge of telling you that I wanted us to try again. Then he interrupted the moment and now the truth is that I’m scared of saying what I want, terrified of taking that first step”.

Aaron caught his breath. He waited patiently for Robert to continue.

Robert reflected a moment before replying. “When you hurt me I felt like my whole world was ripped apart, my heart was shattered it into a million pieces. You gave me no choice but to learn to live without you and I was succeeding. I carved out a new life for Seb and me, then Annie came along. Then before Christmas I met you again and all my hard fought attempts at living without you lay in ruins, I couldn’t pretend any more that I could have any semblance of a life without you”.

Robert halted a moment. He waited to see if Aaron was going to say something in response but he was silent. Robert continued. “Throughout my life I have lost person after person that I love, I don’t have the strength to lose anybody else, the pain would be more than I could bear. When we got back together the last time we split up I remember telling you that I would rather not have you back than lose you again. I think the same thing applies now”

Aaron instinctively knew that this was the most important moment of his life. He had to get this right or they would both be doomed to endless misery for the rest of their lives. “If you could look into a crystal ball and see the future and that future showed you us and the children being really happy together would you take the risk to make it happen? All it would take is for you to take that first tentative step to make it a reality. If you do I promise you Robert that you will never regret it”. 

Aaron had to pause as his feelings were starting to get the better of him but he was damned if he was going to breakdown again, not now when he was within touching distance of his heart’s desire. He steeled himself to continue. “Since we first met fate has bound us together. We are each others missing halves, we can’t be whole without each other. By your own admission you have struggled to live without me, well I have struggled to live without you to. Why should we both suffer any more, don’t we both deserve to be happy after everything that has happened to us throughout our lives, all the pain and suffering we have endured. Just let yourself go this one last time and I promise you that you will never regret it because I will devote the rest of my life to making you the happiest man alive”.

Robert felt his defences crumble. He felt the tears spring to his eyes. He brushed a hand over his face, angrily wiping them away. He felt Aaron pull him into his arms and what little composure he had left finally disintegrated. He found himself sobbing against his husband’s chest as he let go of all the pain that he had bottled up inside himself for the last year and a bit. Aaron soothed him, holding him close until he was calm enough for him to reiterate what he had just said. “I promise you Robert that this time things will be different. I am not the same person any more and from what I’ve seen so far you are not either. I believe that we have both made improvements for the better and this time we will be better equipped to make things work. You said that you were scared to trust me but you shouldn’t be, you will be safe in my arms, I will protect you with my life. You can believe in me Robert, you really can. I am going to love you for the rest of our lives together, I am going to make you so happy. Please I beg you just let me try, for both our sakes”.

Robert melted into Aaron’s arms, he was seduced by Aaron’s words, he really wanted to believe him but there was still an element of self prevention inside him that halted him into taking that first step regarding them getting them back together. “I really want to believe everything you have just said, but there is still a part of me that doesn’t know if I can. I so want to but...”.

Aaron heart twisted inside him. “I’m so sorry Robert. I’m hurting you again aren’t I, causing you so much pain that I am tearing you apart inside. I’ve been so wrapped up in what I want I haven’t stopped to think properly about your feelings, what’s best for you. All I want is for you to be happy again Robert, that’s it but if you think that it would be for the best that we don’t reunite I promise you that I’ll walk away for good and leave you in peace”.

Robert was stunned by what Aaron had just said. “You’d do that for me. Give up on what you want because you believe its the right thing to do for my sake even it it breaks your heart and leaves your life in ruins”.

Aaron nodded. He couldn’t speak. The words stuck in his throat, he believed he had just signed his own death warrant, consigned himself to a life of eternal hell. He had never felt so miserable in his life but he knew he was doing the right thing. He loved Robert so much that he was determined to protect him with every last fibre if his being and if that meant that he had to make the ultimate sacrifice for him then so be it.

Robert pulled himself out of Aaron’s embrace so he could look at him, he wanted to gauge the sincerity of Aaron’s words. Looking into Aaron’s eyes he could see that he was speaking the truth, that he would really do what he had just said to protect him from further harm. His heart melted as he looked at his husband. “I don’t think that anybody has ever come close to loving me the way you do. Sometimes it can be overwhelming but the truth is that it is the only love that will ever be enough for me now. I’ve said it before but nobody has ever come close to making me feel the way you do, you’re amazing you know that, that heart of yours is so big with so much love in it to give, I count myself privileged that you want to give some of that love to me”. 

Robert took a deep breath as he steeled himself to finally take the first steps towards a new future. He suppressed his fears, pushing them to the deepest recesses of his mind. He felt his body tremble and tried to still himself before he spoke. “I don’t want to make you any promises that I can’t keep, tell you we will get to live happy ever after once more but after what you have just said, with such sincerity in your words I believe that it could be possible for me to trust you again”. 

Robert felt himself shake again. He forced the final words out. It was now or never. “I think that I am ready to let us try again, but before you get to excited you are going to have to be patient with me, you will need to tread very carefully, you can’t rush things or you will scare me off and I’ll run for the hills”.

Aaron’s breath caught in his throat. He had to pause a moment to absorb what Robert had just said, make himself trust that he had heard right “Do you really mean that, that we can try again?”.

Robert nodded his head. Despite his fears he felt a calmness wash over him now he had made his decision. “Yes I do, but I meant what I said about us taking things slowly”

When Aaron’s face fell Robert quickly added. “It’s nothing to worry about Aaron. As you said we have both changed. I think we need time to adjust to each other again, learn to be part of each other lives once more before we jump in with both feet”.

Aaron managed to breath again. He tried to quell his excitement.“Ok. Lets take things slowly then. I know, lets pretend that we are two strangers, we meet and feel this overwhelming attraction for each other and decide that we want to get to know each other better”.

Robert felt himself begin to relax slightly. Despite the intensity of the emotions he was still feeling he found himself laughing at Aaron’s suggestion. “Are you staying that we should go on dates, like normal people do when they like each other?”.

Aaron wasn’t sure if that was what he had meant but he decided to latch on to the idea. “Yeh”.

Robert was sceptical. “Do you think that we could really do that, with our history?”.

Aaron was warming to the idea. “I do. Lets do normal for once”.

Robert smiled. “You do know that we have never been normal”

Aaron was the one to laugh this time. “There’s a first time for everything”.

Aaron got out his phone and went to check his calendar. “So when shall we meet for our first date. I’m busy tomorrow, family occasion that I can’t get out off and to be honest I think it would be unkind to subject you to my lot on a first date, you would run a mile and I would never see you again. The first available date I have free is the sixth of January”.

Robert got out his phone, to his surprise he was enjoying playing along with the whole dating thing. “Well I’m struggling with the sixth, I have to go to my office in Leeds for some meetings”.

Aaron winkled his nose. This was turning out to be not as straight forward as he had hoped. “Will you have time to break for lunch? If you do I can drive to Leeds and we can meet up at say a restaurant of your choice”.

Robert thought about it, He could juggle his schedule to fit in lunch. “Ok. But I’ll warn you now I’m not a cheap date”.

Aaron smiled. “That’s ok. I don’t know if I’ve told you this or not but I’m not short of a bob or to”.

Both Robert and Aaron started to laugh. After a while Robert grew serious again as his doubts assailed him once more. He looked at Aaron. “Promise me this won’t all end in tears”.

Aaron told hold of Robert’s hands in his own. He entwined their fingers together and looked deeply into Robert’s eyes as he spoke. “I promise you, this time, between us we are finally going to get it right. I swear. I’ve told you a few times already but I will say it again, I will move heaven and earth into making you happiest man alive for the rest of your life”.

Robert sighed. “Its a really nice thought, I want it to be true but do you really think its possible after everything that had happened between us, that we can get to live happily ever after. We have both made so many mistakes, hurt each other beyond bearing at times”.

Aaron nodded. “I genuinely do but we both need to learn from the past and stop repeating the same mistakes. You know what we need, a rule book. We write down some guidelines where we state what it is we need from each other so we are both on the same page going forward”.

Robert laughed out loud. “Who are you and what have you done with Aaron Dingle?”.

Aaron smiled at Robert. He saw that the love he knew was radiating from his eyes was matched by the love in his husbands for him. Aaron pulled Robert into his arms and they clung to each other. They stayed entwined, just savouring the familiar feel of their bodies pressed tight together. The future could wait as they enjoyed the moment when finally at last they were back where they belonged, with each other.

As they held each other neither of them fooled themselves that everything would be prefect from day one but they both knew deep down that they were going to make the effort to overcome any obstacles that came their way. That they were both committed to making things work.

After a while Robert reluctantly suggested that they should make their way downstairs to talk to Liv as she would be wondering where they had got to.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

As they approached her, Liv looked at both of her brothers and noticed the change in their demeanour. She raised her eyebrows at them, conveying her need for some explanations. 

Aaron was the one that told her that her that he and Robert had talked and were going to try and make another go of their marriage. Before he could qualify that they were going to take things slowly to begin with Liv whooped for joy and jumped up and launched herself at them. Neither of them wanted to burst her bubble so they went with the flow.

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Harry looked through the window from his side of the house, it gave him a clear view of the conservatory. He saw three people all huddled together as one, he correctly surmised that it meant that at long last his uncle was prepared to let himself be happy again. He turned away, a ghost of a smile crossing his lips as left them to enjoy their special moment in peace.


	23. The calm before the storm - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron spend the day together and reach a pivotal moment in their attempts to repair their marriage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended this chapter to be the last before the funeral, however, by the time I had finished it it was far to long so I decided to split it up into two. The second part will be posted next week so there won't be a long wait and then I finally get to write the chapter that I have been looking forward to - Annie's funeral and there will be lots of fireworks and home truths, I promise

January 10th, 2022 – Morning to Early Evening

Robert sat at the kitchen table trying his best to eat something, he was fighting a losing battle, even though it was one of his favourite breads he found that on this particular morning it tasted like cardboard and after a few more bites, with the food sticking in his throat he gave up. 

Robert looked over at his son and saw that Seb was not having the same problems with his appetite. His little boy was making short work of his porridge, which much to Robert’s consternation he had managed to dowse with honey without him noticing. Robert sighed to himself, left to his own devices his son had far to sweet a tooth for his own good, he made a mental note to himself that he needed to do something about it or his son was heading down the diabetes path. 

Harry was sitting with them. He had come through to the main part of the house on the pretext of checking up on Robert and had then conveniently managed to con Robert into making him breakfast into the bargain. He was now drinking his second cup of coffee. As he drank he studied Robert closely. He observed that his uncle looked tired, there were black smudges under his eyes which Harry suspected were due to a lack of sleep, but then he mused it would have been a miracle if Robert wasn’t finding sleep hard to come by considering everything that was going on in his world at the current time. 

Harry in his usual blunt and relentless fashion had managed to prise out of Robert that things were proving to be rather too chaotic for him, even by his standards he had admitted, somewhat out of character for him that he felt he was losing control. Whilst Harry knew that in Robert’s line of work he was always working on numerous projects at the same time and was therefore a master of juggling everything without dropping any balls in the process he wasn’t so sure that this time they wouldn’t all come crashing down on his head. The pressure he was under was intense at moment.

Not only was Robert in charge of arranging his grandmother’s funeral, which for various reason was proving problematic on several fronts he also had several complex business deals that required his input, a sister and brother-in-law that were about to descend on him, something that Harry knew would cause ripples with his other uncle and aunt that would require Robert to act as referee to avoid any serious family fallouts and then if that wasn’t enough he had a semi estranged husband that craved his attention twenty four seven. The only plus that Harry could see at the moment was that Seb and Annie were being as good as gold.

All in all Harry concluded that it was a miracle that Robert found the strength to put one foot in front of the other at the moment, any normal person would have been crushed by the weight of pressure bearing down on him, but then Harry concluded his uncle was the exception to the rule, even in the toughest of times he somehow found the strength to cope against all the odds. He might find life difficult and there would be moments when he wavered, buckling under the strain but at the end of the day he would still come through. Harry just hoped with all his heart that this time wouldn’t prove an exception to that rule and he would once more survive without being to badly damaged in the process.

Harry suddenly felt the need to show Robert that he was there for him, in a moment of spontaneity he reached over and squeezed Robert’s hand, he hoped with that simple gesture he could convey to his uncle that he wasn’t alone, that he had somebody by his side that was there for him whenever and however he was needed. He couldn’t bear the thought that Robert might regress back to his Emmerdale days and feel that he was all alone, that there was nobody there for him to help him through his pain.

Robert smiled at Harry as he felt him grip his hand. Despite whatever misgivings Harry might personally be having that he wasn’t doing enough to support Robert it wasn’t what Robert was thinking, in truth Robert didn’t know what he would have done without Harry these last few days. It felt good to know that he had somebody there for him, to take the pressure of his shoulders and be supportive. In truth he had felt himself on the verge of sinking under all the pressure as it piled around his shoulders but Harry had just about kept him afloat and for that he was eternally grateful.

Harry was the first one to break the silence that had grown between them. He wasn’t sure what the best way of talking to Robert was today of all days so he just tried to be himself and put both feet in it as per normal. “I take it you didn’t get much sleep last night, your looking like death warmed up”.

Robert scowled at his nephew, he replied, the sarcasm evident in his tone. “Thanks for the compliment, I can see that you have misplaced your usual tact this morning, oh wait, you don’t have any so its business as normal, blunt as ever”.

Harry smirked at his uncle’s deflection, not that he was going to let the matter drop so he ploughed ahead. “I can see that you haven’t misplaced your usual sarcasm either. Anyway back to what I was talking about, you look shattered before the day has even started. Joking aside I’m worried about you, Robbie”

Robert yawned again, emphasising the accuracy of Harry’s words about his tiredness. In truth he did feel shattered, both physically and mentally. His tone was gentler when he replied. “Look, I do appreciate your concern but its nothing that a good night’s sleep won’t cure. I just hope that after today things can get back to normal for a while until the funeral so I can get some peace”.

Harry nodded. “I do hope so laddie, although I have to say you have a different idea of normal than I do”. 

Robert managed to laugh. Harry was right about his normal, but then he couldn’t remember a time when his life had ever been that, there had always been something kicking off in one way or another. Today was a prime example. He had to fly to Spain to bring his grandmother’s body back for her funeral. 

Robert was honest enough to admit to himself that the thought of bringing Annie home was the main reason that he hadn’t been able to sleep last night, he was dreading it. He had laid awake for hours, tossing and turning throughout the night wondering how he was going to cope, he knew that as soon as he saw the steel casket he would have to face the facts that his grandmother was really gone for ever. He wasn’t stupid, he knew Annie was dead but knowing that her remains were going to be in that box would make everything so painfully real. He felt himself shudder at the thought.

Robert felt Harry squeeze his hand again, it was if he had instinctively known what Robert had been thinking about and knew that he needed to be comforted. Robert felt his self control begin to crumble. He clenched his jaw tightly and rode through the waves of his emotions until he was in command of himself once more. He was determined not to breakdown in front of his son and frighten his little boy.

Harry saw the pain etched on his uncle’s face as he tightly held his hand. He willed himself to transfer his strength over to Robert, so he could keep him strong. He knew that Robert was struggling not to lose his grip on his self control and instantly he felt an overwhelming compassion for the older man. “You know, I’ve been thinking, maybe I should come with you to Spain, it’s not right that you should do what you have to do on your own, you need somebody to lean on”.

Robert shook his head as a gesture of refusal at Harry’s offer. When he saw the hurt in Harry’s eyes he realised he needed to explain his reasons. “I appreciate the offer, I really do, its kind of you to want to be there for me, but I’ve already agreed to let Aaron come with me, when I told him I had to go to Spain to collect my gran he insisted that he was coming along to support me and besides one of us has to be here when your parents arrive later today, neither of us will hear the end of it if they have to sit outside the house for hours on end waiting for one of us to turn up and let them in”.

Harry swore under his breath. “Damn, I had momentarily forgotten about them coming. Your right about them raising merry hell if we are both AWOL. We both know that mum at least will want the red carpet treatment on her arrival. Its typical though that they decided to come today of all days”.

Robert sighed. Harry was right about the timing. “I know, but to be fair it was agreed in advance that they would come down today, besides to be fair they weren’t to know that there would be a delay with the paperwork in Spain that would prevent me from bringing Annie back last Friday as I had planned to do”.

Harry nodded. “Aye, your right, but it is still a nuisance that I am going to have to leave work early to greet them. There’s so much going on at the moment I can’t really spare the time”.

Harry sighed. He looked glum as he added. “I don’t know about you but I’m not entirely looking forward to having my mum and dad living on my doorstep”.

Robert gave Harry an incredulous look, he was the one after all that they would be staying with, Harry having managed to manoeuvre it so he wouldn’t have to put them up. “If you are looking for sympathy from me you are well and truly out of luck. If you had tipped me off what their plans were I might have been able to have found them an alternative place to live, instead since I was in the dark about what they were scheming they managed to put me on the spot and gave me no option but to say yes to letting them stay”. 

Robert sighed, he quickly added before Harry could reply. “Not that I could have said no, not after everything your parents have done for me”.

Harry grimaced, Robert had hit the nail on the head. “Your right, you couldn’t have said no and in a way I’m glad you didn’t but it still isn’t going to make things any easier for us is it”. 

Harry added forlornly before Robert could reply. “You know what my mum’s like, she can be a right tartar at times, she’ll be nagging us from dawn to dusk”.

Robert gave Harry a malicious look. “Its alright for you, you can go next door, turn the key and escape, I’m not going to have that luxury, I am going to have to live with them twenty-four seven”.

Harry smiled tauntingly. “Well, now you have said that I guess there is a silver lining after all to my predicament”.

Robert snorted his disapproval at his nephew’s comment.

Harry grew serious again. “Are you sure you are going to be ok today. I know that you said that Aaron is going to be there with you, supporting you, but won’t that add to the stress you are going to be under. Things are still delicate between you both, the other day I though you both seemed to be walking on eggshells, it was painful to watch. Its obvious that you love each other but you just don’t seem to know how to be together again. It really upset Priya, she remembers how things used to be between you two and she says you are a millions miles away from getting back to that same place”.

Robert looked warily at Harry, wondering what to say to his latest revelation. “Things will get better in time, its still early days yet and we both really want things to work out between us, its just that there are a lot of adjustments that we both need to make first before we can get back to a semblance of where we were plus there is all this for Aaron to contend with”. 

Robert looked around him, emphasising their surroundings. “Its totally alien to what he is used to, he’s never had a materialistic bone in his body and as well as all this to contend with there is also the fact that he is now wealthy to boot thanks to me building up his scrap business for him. Not surprisingly its all freaking him out”.

Harry nodded. From what he had seen of Aaron he knew Robert’s assessment was accurate. So much for him thinking that Aaron had been a gold digger. Harry sighed to himself, it was yet another thing that he and the rest of Robert’s family and friends had gone wrong about the lad.

Harry bitterly reflected on how he wished he had listened to Robert years ago about what kind of man Aaron was and that he had given Aaron a chance to prove that he was worthy of being Robert’s husband. He knew that he wasn’t alone in feeling guilty about the lack of support they had given Robert in his choice of husband but it was to late for any of them to change things, the past was set in stone, all that could be done now was for them not to make the same mistakes again and give the lad a fair chance this time.

Harry decided to change the conservation to less problematic areas. “So how did you broach the subject to Aaron about accompanying you today. Was it, how do you fancy a fun day out, fly with me to Spain so I can pick up my Gran’s coffin, it will be a trip of a lifetime you won’t want to miss”.

Robert glared at Harry. He really could be irreverent at the most inappropriate of times. “I wonder about you sometimes, your idea of humour leaves a lot to be desired”.

Just before Harry could reply Robert added. “Anyway, there is method to my madness, as well as keeping me company is will also give us time to talk, there are still a lot of things that we need to sort out”.

Harry’s mood grew more thoughtful. “Ok. I guess you win, your reason for wanting him rather than me is a good one. Looks like I’ll have to stay here and play the dutiful son after all”.

Harry hesitated a moment, pondering of he should say what was bothering him, in the end he thought what the hell, Robbie could tell him to mind his own business if he choose to. “Things are going to be alright between you and Aaron, aren’t they, you’re going to be able to sort things out?”.

Robert nodded. “I know we will, we are both committed to making things work again, it just might take a bit of time”.

Harry took in Robert reply, he chose his next words carefully. “Ok, message received but to be fair by the pair of your standards things are taking their time, I thought that you would have discussed moving in together by now”.

Robert listened to Harry’s response. All of a sudden he felt tired to the bone as his fatigue hit him. He rubbed his face as he sighed, Aaron was yet another thing that kept his mind whirling round and round in circles, especially in the deepest dark of night, robbing him of sleep and peace of mind. 

Robert closed his eyes. He wished with all his heart that he could just crawl back into bed and hide under the duvet and shut the world out. He mentally shook himself, bringing himself back to reality and his nephew who was waiting patiently for his reply. “I have thought about it but I just...”

Robert paused, trying to get his muddled thoughts into some sort of coherence, he reflected that he definitely needed more coffee to kick start his brain. “I want him here with me but then I don’t. I tell him I have forgiven him for what happened but the truth is I’m still angry with him for causing me so much pain and I don’t think I have truly forgiven him after all. I love him and then I look at him and I hate him as well...”.

Robert stopped talking. He buried his face in his hands. 

Harry squeezed Robert shoulder. His heart was heavy seeing the turmoil his uncle was in. “I can understand why you feel the way you do but I think some of this is stemming from the fact that you are exhausted and when we are tired everything gets magnified out of all proportion. Why don’t we talk later when you get back, maybe in my ham fisted way I can help you to work things out”.

Robert smiled gratefully at Harry. He made a concerted effort to pull himself together. He knew that he didn’t have time to procrastinate over his conflicted feelings, he had things that had to be done.“Thank you. I really appreciate that. In truth I could do with that chat now but I need to make a move, I have one little boy that needs to be taken to nursery and then I have a plane to catch”.

Harry checked the time. “Aye. You better get a move on”.

Harry added as an after thought. “Where’s Aaron?”

Robert was nonplussed for a moment before he twigged that Harry was expecting Aaron to have come to Mere Place, he put him straight. “I’m picking Aaron up in Hotten after I have dropped Seb off”.

Harry was perplexed at Robert’s reply. “Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to have come here?”.

Robert sighed as he recalled what Aaron had said. “He’s was worried about being spotted here, it seems that the vicar, Harriet is every bit as prone to gossip as her flock are. Apparently as soon as our meeting to discuss the funeral arrangements finished last Friday she high tailed it back to the village, went straight to the Woolpack and told Chas that I was living here which was akin to putting an ad in the Hotten Courier. So, thanks to Harriet I am once more the number one topic of conversation in Emmerdale. Aaron told me that some of the stuff that the villagers are coming up with was lurid even by their standards and it was all he could do to keep a straight face and not laugh out loud at their stupidity”. 

Robert added. “It sounds like it was a miracle he didn’t lose his temper with them and tell them in no uncertain terms that they were talking out of their backsides”.

Harry was thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe Aaron should have said something, God knows its long overdue that those villagers were finally put in their place”.

Robert shook his head. “At this moment in time all I want to do is get the funeral over and done with and then and only then will I seriously consider if I want to tell the villagers and by dad’s family some long overdue home truths”.

Harry smiled. “Well if you plan on giving them hell make sure I’m around. I wouldn’t want to miss the fireworks for anything”.

Robert gave Harry a stern look. “I’m glad you find it amusing. I know I don’t and Aaron doesn’t either. Thanks to Harriet his mum now believes he is in mortal danger once more as the devil is back in town waiting to cast his evil spell on him, he can’t do or go anywhere without her giving him the third degree, he said that he struggled like hell to get away from her yesterday so he could join us for Sunday lunch”. 

Robert, the exasperation evident in his voice added bitterly. “Its a miracle she hasn’t locked him in his bedroom for his own protection”.

Harry snorted. “God almighty, she does realise that Aaron is a grown man, doesn’t she and to think that I thought I had it bad with my mother poking her nose in from time to time, she’s a saint compared to that woman”. 

Harry added. “You know despite all your dithering I think that you must really love that laddie a hell of a lot if you are prepared to put up with all the crap that comes with him. Why can’t she let him make his own decisions as to who he wants to be with. He should stand up to her and tell her to mind her own business once and for all”. 

Robert looked at Harry incredulously. “You obviously haven’t met Chas. That woman hasn’t never known when to stop treating Aaron like a child and as for Aaron telling her to mind her own business, when he has done so in the past she had just ignored him and ploughed on with her own agenda regardless of his wishes”.

Robert looked at Harry, a smug grin on his face as he added. “Any way, I don’t remember you standing up to your mum. I seem to recall that you play the dutiful son and do as your told so its not like you practise what you preach”.

Harry grimaced. “You know there are times when you are not very nice”.

Robert, despite himself started to laugh and Harry soon joined in. Seb dragged himself away from his porridge to look up at them, wondering what the fuss was all about. When he saw that they looked happy, that nothing appeared to be wrong he went back to finishing the last few mouthfuls of his breakfast.

To Harry’s relief the rest of breakfast passed amicably. He thought that them laughing out loud had helped to lessen Robert tension and had inadvertently calmed him down. He was about to say so when Robert suddenly stood up with a start moaning that he had lost track of time and if he didn’t get a move on he was going to be late. 

Robert went over to where his daughter was fast asleep in her cradle and being careful not to wake her kissed her softly on the forehead, he told Harry that he was to make sure Priya took good care of her before bundling a protesting Seb away from devouring some bread that had caught his eye so he could brush his teeth and they could make tracks. 

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Robert saw Aaron waiting for him at the place they had agreed. As he drew the car to a halt so he could pick him up, he surreptitiously looked over at his husband so he could gauge what mood he was in, to his dismay he noticed that Aaron’s face looked like thunder. He sighed to himself in resignation, Aaron in one of his ‘moods’ was the last thing he needed this morning.

Aaron just about managed to grunt a hello as he got in the car. Robert pulled away from the kerb and began their journey to Leeds Airport where a private jet was awaiting to take them to Spain.

Robert realised quickly that his assessment of Aaron’s mood had been spot on, his grumpy husband barely spoke one word as they made their way to the airport, he just looked straight ahead of him, a mutinous look engraved on his face. It wasn’t until they were safely in the plane that Robert sensed that Aaron was beginning to thaw out at long last. Just to be on the safe side Robert left it a bit longer before he enquired what was wrong. “So, are you going to tell me why you are such a ray of sunshine this morning?”.

Aaron glared at Robert, he wasn’t in the mood for any more snide remarks, he had had more than enough this morning already. He snapped back at Robert. “I don’t know why you think there is anything wrong with me, I’m fine”.

Robert sighed, this was going to be hard work. “Now where shall I start, I know, how about the fact that you have barely said two words to me since I picked you up and you have a face that looks like thunder to boot”.

Aaron grimaced, he forgotten just how intuitive Robert was, how he could always sense when there was something bothering him. He pushed his head back against the head rest, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He forced himself to relax, he reasoned with himself that it wasn’t fair on Robert, having to put up with him being a grumpy git and it certainly wasn’t a good way to behave when you were trying to convince your husband that you were worth a second chance. He tried to be conciliatory. “I’m sorry I’ve been so moody, do you think we can start today off again from scratch?”.

Robert nodded. “Ok, I’m all for doing that but its obvious that something has upset you and I would appreciate an explanation”.

Aaron sighed, again from past experience he knew that Robert didn’t let things go until he had got to the bottom of the problem, he would keep chipping away until he got his answers. “I will tell you if you insist, but I’d rather not. Today is all about you, its me helping you in whatever small way I can to make things as good as they can be under the circumstances”. 

Aaron further clarified his intentions. “I don’t want today to be all about me, I want to concentrate on how you’re feeling and one of my first concerns is those dark circles under your eyes, its obvious you didn’t get much sleep last night”.

Robert knew Aaron well enough to know that he was being fobbed off but he decided to leave it, he just didn’t have the energy to take it any further. “Your right, I hardly slept at all, I kept tossing and turning all night and then when it looked like I was finally nodding off to sleep Annie woke up and I had to tend to her”. 

Robert stopped to yawn. “I’m shattered already and the day has barely begun”.

Aaron placed his hand on Robert’s thigh and tenderly squeezed it, he wanted to convey by touch his deepest sympathy for what he knew Robert was going through.  
Robert in turn placed his hand on top of Aaron’s so he couldn’t move his hand away. They sat in silence, both enjoying the intimacy of the moment before they had to face reality once more.

Robert was the first to break their physical contact, he leant back in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment. He mused that private flight was the best way to fly, not that he hired private jets very often, despite his wealth there was still the frugal Yorkshireman in him that thought it was to decadent and extravagant, but today he had kicked back against his self enforced strictures, he wanted things to be as painless as possible on what he knew was going to be a very painfully day for him and that meant avoiding commercial flights with possible delays, screaming kids and loud passengers getting on his nerves. 

Robert opened his eyes and glanced across at Aaron, he noticed that his husband looked like he had finally thawed out and stopped scowling. Much to his relief he also seemed to be relaxed and at ease. Robert breathed a sigh of relief, he had been worried about what Aaron would think about his ostentatious display of wealth, he knew that Aaron was inclined towards inverted snobbery and usually disparaged rich folk as stuck up knobs and a private jet screamed money, lots of it.

As Robert allowed himself a further moment of respite before he talked to Aaron and tried to get to the bottom of what had upset him so badly it came to him in a flash that another reason he had booked the private jet was to provoke Aaron, test him out to see what his reaction would be. He knew that he had to be sure that Aaron could adapt to a different lifestyle, one so far removed from his normal comfort zone and the mansion and now the plane was testing the waters.

Robert sighed, it was yet another thing that he was worried about. He knew that deep down despite all his prevarications he wanted Aaron, that in the long run he wouldn’t be able to resist him, he loved him to much to walk away but he knew that he had to be sure that Aaron would be able to deal with the reality of how his life would be transformed beyond all recognition, the last thing that he wanted to do was force Aaron to lead a life that would be detrimental to his well-being and mental health, he loved him to much for that and he knew it would also kill him watching Aaron struggle to adapt to an alien world that was beyond his ability to exist in.

Robert gritted his teeth as he prepared himself mentally to try once more to find out what was bothering Aaron. He took a deep breath and went for it. “I know that you said that you wanted to put my feelings first today and I appreciate that, its means a lot to me that you care about my well being but as we discussed last week if there is something on either of our minds that is upsetting us we must talk about it. Bottling things up is no longer an acceptable option for us if we are going to stand any chance of getting our marriage back on track, its patently obvious that something or somebody has really upset you, so can you please talk to me about what’s happened?”.

Aaron groaned, Robert was right, it was what they had agreed. He steeled himself to come clean about what had put him such a blue funk. “Yesterday, mum was waiting for me after I got back from having Sunday lunch at your place, needless to say she wanted to know where I had been. I just told her that I had been out but she wouldn’t leave it at that, she kept clipping away wanting to know more, pecking at my head. In the end she really got on my nerves, I told her that I was a grown man and I didn’t have to answer to her about where I had been so why didn’t she mind her own business once and for all”. 

Aaron grimaced as he recollected what had then transpired “As you can image all hell broke loose and we ended up having another blazing row. When I told her this morning that I was going out for the day and refused to tell her where I was going it all kicked off again, she just doesn’t know when to leave well alone”.

Aaron paused for a moment, what he had to tell Robert wasn’t going to be pleasant and the last thing he wanted to do was upset Robert’s feelings but he knew he needed to be honest. He took another deep breath and forced himself to continue. “Mum’s been on my case ever since she found out about your involvement in the scrap business but thanks to Harriet things have escalated further, she’s made things ten times worse”.

Aaron winced, this was the bit that he was dreading. “When Harriet spoke to my mum last Friday, she mentioned meeting you to discuss the funeral arrangements for Annie, lets just say she wasn’t slow in coming forward about her opinions about what she saw”.

Aaron paused a moment to rub his hand across his eyes. He sighed, as he did so he felt Robert gently touch his knee, patting it in a reassuring gesture. He moved his hand to cover Robert’s and squeezed it back in response, then held on to it firmly, trying to anchor himself against the storm to come. He reluctantly continued, expanding on what he had just said. “I don’t know why Harriet thought it was her place to tell mum that you were living on the outskirts of the village, in Mere Place, but she did, she made sure to remind mum, not that she or anybody else in the village had forgotten that that was the place owned by Robbie Merrick, the very rich, successful businessman that they are all dying to meet. She then continued to pour oil on troubled waters by letting mum know in no uncertain terms that you had your feet well and truly under the table”.

Aaron sighed once more, this time with exasperation. “You know I thought that vicars were meant to operate on a higher plain than us mere mortals but I guess that Harriet’s proved to be an exception to the rule, she told mum that in her opinion you had found another rich gullible idiot to fall for your dubious charms and that rather than just live there you acted like you owned the place”. 

Aaron hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he should mention this last bit but he realised that Robert needed to know. “There’s worse, I’m afraid. Diane and Vic were in the pub. They heard everything that Harriet said as well. They weren’t impressed by what she told them, far from it, you wouldn’t believe what they said…”.

Robert smiled sadly, he interrupted Aaron before he could finish telling him more.“I guess I have only myself to blame, it was stupid of me to meet Harriet at Mere Place but events conspired against me so needs dictated it had to be there”. 

Robert paused to collect his thoughts before continuing “I’m not in the least bit surprised about anything Harriet said to your mum. When she came to see me on Friday I could tell from the minute she stepped over the threshold she was dying of curiosity, I could see her brain working overtime, trying to figure out what I was doing at Mere Place, how me of all people had ended up there. She asked quite a lot of intrusive questions, not that I answered any of them, I didn’t see why I should, I guess that just made matter’s worse but I felt that my life was none of her business and I didn’t owe her or anybody else other than you any explanations”. 

Robert laughed bitterly “You know, before she left she asked me if Robbie Merrick was around and if so would he be accompanying me to Gran’s funeral. She couldn’t have made it more obvious what she was thinking if she tried”. 

Aaron scowled as he replied. “The cheeky cow, its a good job I wasn’t there or I would have told her to do one in no uncertain terms, who the hell did she think she was treating you like that in your own home”.

Robert nodded in agreement. “A part of me thought that I should have put her right, that I should have told her that I was Robbie Merrick and that Mere Place was mine but she got my back up big time making her subtle digs so I dug my heels in and kept quiet, I was damned if I was going to tell her anything after the way she had treated me”.

Robert sighed as he added. “Not that I think she would have believed me anyway, not for one minute would Harriet had thought that somebody like me could have made something of themselves, that I could have turned out to be successful and respected businessman, she would have thought that I was winding her up, that I was bigging myself up in my own make believe Walter Mitty world. It would have been so humiliating trying to get her to believe that what I was saying was true”.

Aaron reflected on what Robert had just said, there was a sadness to his voice as he spoke. “I don’t know how you put up with it all, aren’t you sick and tired of all the crap that you have to deal with, the constant put me downs from people that are so far beneath you. Why don’t you just tell them the truth and after that let them all go and rot in hell in their pathetic little worlds”.

Robert was reflective for a moment as he contemplated Aaron’s viewpoint. “Firstly, I don’t know if I would describe them as being beneath me, just because I am who I am and I have what I have it doesn’t give me the right to look down on other people for not having achieved what I have...”. 

Robert was quiet for a while as he decided how best to explain how he felt. “...and secondly I guess that due to the psychological damage I endured courtesy of my dad during the latter stages of my childhood I have been conditioned to believe I am a disappointment that poisons everything he touches, that I am unworthy of love, kindness and respect...”. 

Aaron’s heart started to rip into shreds as he heard the words coming out of Robert’s mouth, he didn’t want to hear him speak about himself like that so he interrupted him before he could say any more. “Please, just stop, I can’t bear to hear you saying stuff like that about yourself, its just not true Robert, you are such an amazing, wonderful man and don’t you ever let me hear you say otherwise ever again”. 

Aaron had to stop a minute to compose himself, his emotions having got the better of him. “You have to promise me that you are going to stop doing this to yourself, you can’t keep letting Jack Sugden’s words haunt you, making you hate yourself”

Robert smiled ruefully at Aaron. “That’s easier said than done, but thank you for what you said, it means a lot but you do realise that you are bias where...”.

Aaron shook his head, he interrupted again. “No, I’m not. I know the real you Robert, I had the privilege of sharing your life until I ruined everything and I know from first hand experience just how special you can be and you know what, I am never going to stop telling you and another thing, one day if it is the last thing I do I am going to make you finally believe me, appreciate yourself for the person you are, not the crap version of yourself that you have been indoctrinated into thinking you are because of your dad and others people’s cruelty towards you over the years”.

Robert laughed, there was a rueful sound to it, it conveyed his lack of belief in Aaron’s assertions. There were unshed tears in his eyes as he answered Aaron. “You do realise that you have just committed yourself to a job for life”.

Aaron looked over a Robert, he was still raw from hearing Robert speak so disparagingly about himself. “That ok, I have a whole lifetime to give you if you want it”.

Robert was stunned into silence by Aaron’s words. He felt his heart begin to quicken at the undeniable declaration of love from the younger man. He looked deeply into Aaron vivid blue eyes, they shone with such deep, unadulterated love that Robert felt his resolve weaken as he drowned in their glaze.

Robert leant closer to Aaron, his lips hovered for a split second near his husbands, for a brief moment he hesitated before he threw all caution to the wind and tenderly kissed him. As kisses went it was chaste, not much more that a fleetingly touch of lips but it was enough to cause electricity to flow through both their veins. Aaron was about to kiss Robert back when the flight attendant entered the cabin, discreetly coughed and told them that they needed to fasten their seat belts as they were about to land in Spain.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Robert descended from the plane, Aaron behind him. When they finally reached the tarmac they noticed the hearse waiting near by. They both glazed as a man supervised the unloading of a metal casket from the back of the vehicle. The man saw Robert watching and bowed his head in respect. 

Aaron glanced over at Robert and noticed he was repeatedly tightening his jawline, a signal that told him that Robert was trying hard not to breakdown. He gently placed a hand on the small of Robert’s back, he moved it in soothing motions, trying to calm him as best he could. To his relief he noticed that his efforts were working, his husband seemed to have gained control of himself once more. He moved his hand from Robert’s back and used it to take hold of one of Robert’s hands. Despite himself, believing it to be inappropriate, he felt his heart soar as Robert entwined their fingers together. The casual intimacy of the gesture was not lost on him, that Robert was choosing to present them as one in front of others was a massive leap forward. Aaron tried to still his growing excitement, he knew beyond doubt that this wasn’t the time or the place for him to rejoice but it was another step closer to getting his husband back once more. 

Once the casket was loaded onto the plane Robert talked to the man, he turned out to be a representative of Brearly’s, the undertakers dealing with Annie’s funeral, they had sent him to Spain so he could be on hand to ensure that things went smoothly without any hiccups. The man’s quiet dignity impressed Aaron, he dealt with things in a quiet and professional manner, doing his best to reassure Robert about the plans for when they arrived back at Leeds Airport. Aaron felt a sense of relief that everything seemed to have been arranged with exact precision, just the way Robert liked things done, it meant that his husband had one less thing to worry about for which he was extremely grateful for. 

Once the formalities were over they got back onto the plane, ready for the journey home.

Five minutes had gone by before Aaron realised that Robert hadn’t said a word since they had boarded the plane. He looked directly at him and saw how utterly miserable he looked, his eyes full of unshed tears. Aaron watched as Robert closed his eyes, he felt as if Robert was trying to shut the world away so he could be completely alone and he felt miserable in turn seeing the pain his husband was in. 

After a while Aaron couldn’t bear it any more. He pulled Robert against him and held him tightly in his arms. He felt his husbands tears on his neck and knew that Robert had finally given in to his grief and let go of all the pent up pain he had been suppressing. Aaron felt Robert’s chest heave as he silently sobbed, as a reaction he increased the tightness of their embrace, pulling Robert so close to him that they practically became one. 

After a while Robert gently disengaged himself from Aaron’s embrace. He found a handkerchief and wiped his eyes and nose. Aaron could see that he was looking embarrassed by his show of emotion and appeared to be on the verge of apologising before Aaron shook his head at him, indicating that he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Aaron asked the flight attendant to get them some tea. Once they had been served Aaron forced Robert to start drinking, hoping that the common held belief that in all times of strife tea was the answer to calming troubled souls was right. To Aaron’s relief the tea seemed to work its magic and Robert outwardly appeared to regain his equilibrium once more.

When Aaron thought it was finally safe to talk he broke the silence. “It can’t have been easy for you, seeing Annie’s casket. It must have made things seem so horribly real, emphasised that she really is gone”.

Robert nodded his head, showing his agreement with Aaron’s observations, it was the only thing he could do because he didn’t trust himself to speak. He felt desolate, the sight of Annie’s casket had hit him hard, underlining what he knew deep down, that his gran was gone forever, that she had died and he was never going to see or talk to her ever again. He felt that a part of his heart had been ripped out, she was yet another person he loved that had left him. The rational part of him knew that it had been inevitable that a person of Annie’s age was going to die sooner than later but he knew that he hadn’t been ready to lose her when he had. He felt his emotions begin to spiral out of control again and he willed himself to stay strong, to not breakdown once more.

Aaron watched Robert, he saw him fight his internal battle to stay strong, saw varying emotions flicker across his face and he felt utterly helpless as to what he should do to for the best. He was racking his brain, thinking about what to do when Robert came to his rescue and spoke. “Thank you for being here for me, I don’t think I would have held it together without you being by my side”.

Aaron disagreed. “You would have done, because you are the strongest person I know, you face what you have to and survive where the majority of other people would falter”.

It was Robert’s turn to disagree. “No I’m not. The strongest person you know is the one that looks back at you in the mirror everyday”.

Aaron smiled despite the sombreness of the moment. “Are we going to have a row about which one of us is the strongest”.

Robert managed to laugh. The incongruity of it struck him. “Lets not”.

Aaron smiled back. “I’ll second that”.

Aaron felt that Robert seemed to be on firmer emotional ground once more and allowed himself to relax. He hesitated, trying to decide if he was being wise, whether he would say anything but in the end he felt compelled to do so. “Look, I’m not sure if this is the right time but I haven’t really said enough about how sorry I was about your gran, I know how much she meant to you”.

Robert spent a moment, thinking about how he felt. “You know, gran meant the world to me, she was an amazing lady, she was one of the few people, you included that has really understood me, like you she didn’t hesitate to call me out when I was being a ‘muppet’ but despite my faults she still loved me, saw some good in me when others didn’t. I know that I wouldn’t be who I am today if she hadn’t have come to my rescue, what am I saying, I wouldn’t even be alive if she hadn’t saved me when my life was in ruins”. 

Robert had to pause a moment as his emotions threatened to bubble over once more, he cursed himself for being so tempestuous. “I can’t think of a time when she ever once failed me, throughout the worst times of my life she keep me standing upright when my knees were buckling under my weight, when all I wanted to do was shut the world away, go to sleep and never wake up”. 

Robert paused to wipe a few errant tears from his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without her”.

Robert broke down once more. Aaron, cursing himself for upsetting him again by talking about Annie and tried to repair the damage. He reached over and took Robert in his arms again, holding him against his chest, trying to take the pain away as best he could. When Robert had quietened once more he spoke softly into his ear. “You are going to do what you always do. You are going to pick yourself up and get on with your life. I’m not saying its going to be easy but there are people around you who love you and will be there for you every step of the way. From what I have managed to see so far I can honestly say that Harry is amazing, he loves you so much and he’ll take care of you if you let him, then there are your Merrick family, from what Harry and you have told me about them they love you to bits, then there are your friends, Harry has told me that you have some really brilliant ones that think the world of you as well so they will be there for you to and then lastly there’s me”

Aaron waited a moment then added in his softest voice, a voice laden with all the love he had in heart for this wonderful precious man that he held in his arms, the man that he loved with all his heart, body and soul. “I promise you that if you let me I will love you and support you for the rest of our lives, I will make sure that you never feel alone ever again. I will give you strength and courage when you waiver and hold you up when you falter. I’ll take your gran’s place, I’ll be your rock to cling to whenever you need me and stand by your side whatever life throws your way. All I ask Robert, no I’m not asking, I’m begging, is that you please just let me do this for you and I swear that as long as I live I will never let you down again”.

Robert felt himself coming apart at the seams. He was overwhelmed by Aaron’s declaration but then that was Aaron at his best, when he forgot his inhibitions and spoke from the heart his words were mesmerising. He remembered the speech Aaron had come up with when they had reconciled after his one night stand had tore them apart. He could still remember every word that Aaron had spoken that night to persuade him to give their relationship another chance, nobody have ever made him feel so loved and wanted as Aaron had done at that moment. It was a memory that he knew he would cherish forever and now he had this latest speech to embed in brain as well. 

Robert remained silent with his thoughts, it was a while before he trusted himself to speak. “You know when you make the effort you can string some pretty good sentences together. That little speech of your just now was up there with the last reunion one”.

Aaron blushed at the praise, although as he wouldn’t admit it out loud he was chuffed to bits with what Robert had just said to him. “Your welcome”. 

Robert continued to smile at Aaron, the warmth in his eyes causing the younger man to go even redder. Aaron found the need to underplay the moment. “I don’t want you to think its the new norm thought, there is no way that I am going to turn into some poncey toff and start spouting soppy stuff twenty-four seven”.

Robert found himself laughing out loud. Despite the pain he was in he just couldn’t help himself. It was so like Aaron to turn grumpy and retreat back into his shell after he had gone all romantic on him, as if he was embarrassed by what he had just said out loud. “Don’t worry, I won’t, although it wouldn’t hurt the new improved version of you to be a touch more complimentary at times, you know say how nice I look on occasions, compliment me on my hair, say that I smell nice”.

Aaron glared at Robert in mock disgust which in turn made Robert laugh even more. Aaron joined in, the relief coursing through him seeing Robert pull himself back from the abyss, he racked his brain as to when he had seen him so emotionally raw and fragile but he was hard pressed to think of a time and it definitely wasn’t something that Aaron ever wanted to see again, it was beyond hard seeing Robert hurting and in so much pain, it ripped him apart. 

Aaron to be honest was surprised about how upset Robert was about his gran, he had always regarded him as a pragmatist and as such thought that he would have rationalised that Annie was of an age where she wasn’t going to live much longer and have just accepted her death as inevitable. He wanted to explore why Robert was reacting the way he was but thought that it would be best to leave it be, the last thing he wanted to do was upset him again so he decided to switch the conversation to more neutral matters. “So what are your plans when we get back home?”.

Aaron hesitated a moment then quickly added before Robert could reply. “I’m only asking because if and only if you feel up to it we could maybe have something to eat in Leeds”.

Robert was startled by Aaron’s proposal, the truth was that he had been so focused on picking Annie up and bringing her home he hadn’t given the rest of the day any thought since breakfast. “Sorry, no can do I need to go straight home”.

Aaron tried his best not to show his disappointment. “Ok, that’s fine, it was a bad idea any way, eating out is probably the last thing you would want to do today of all days…”.

Robert instinctively sensed that his blunt refusal had upset Aaron and he was quick to make amends. “Its not that I don’t want to, its just I have to get back”.

Aaron rubbed Robert’s knee in a placating gesture. He was touched when Robert placed his hand on top of his and held it is his large paw, his mood improved further when Robert explained his reasons for denying him his wish. “What with everything that’s been going on lately I can’t remember if I told you or not but my sister Sandy and her husband, my brother-in-law James are coming to stay with me for a while”. 

Aaron scratched his head, trying to remember.

Robert continued. “As luck would have it they are driving down from Scotland today of all days and all being well they should be at Mere Place by the time we touch down in Leeds, so if I am to avoid being in the dog house I need to get home sooner rather than later to roll out the red carpet for them and make them welcome”. 

Aaron tried to hide his disappointment, so much for him spending the evening with Robert, it looked like yet another night trying to avoid his mum doing his head in. “Come to think of it I think you did mention it but I must gave forgotten the date”.

Robert nodded. “Thanks goodness for that, I was beginning to think I had lost the plot” 

Aaron gave Robert a stern look. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, what with everything you’ve got going on at the moment I’d be surprised if you didn’t forget something now and again. You need to give yourself a break, its a miracle that you’re doing so well under the circumstances”.

Robert was reflective for a short while as he mused over what Aaron had just said. “You really think so, I was in floods of tears a moment ago. That’s hardly in control is it, far from it in fact”.

Aaron turned in his seat so he could look directly at Robert. He cupped Robert’s face with both of his hands, forcing him to look directly into his eyes. “How many more times am I going to have to give you a talking to today. You are doing brilliant. You’ve gone to Spain and picked your gran up so you can bring her home, Annie would have loved that you know, her favourite grandchild making sure she got back to Yorkshire and in some style to boot and I know that you will make sure she gets the funeral she wants even if that means you have to go back to Emmerdale one last time, because that is what you do, you sacrifice your own feelings to make sure the people you love are put first and as for getting upset, when I saw Annie’s casket I had a lump in my throat to, so stop being so hard on yourself, there’s no shame in shedding a few tears”.

Robert gulped. He felt fresh tears begin to form in his eyes but somehow he managed to hold them back this time. He leant his head against Aaron’s, wanting the contact. When he trusted himself to talk once more he replied. “You really are on form today aren’t you, are you sure you are really my husband and not a figment of my imagination”.

Aaron smiled, he loved hearing Robert call him husband. It made him glow inside. “I can pinch you if you like, so you know that you are awake and this is all real”.

Robert smiled back. “I think I pass on that if its all the same to you”.

Robert paused a moment, not sure whether he should ask or not but in the end he thought why the hell not, Aaron could decide what he wanted to do for himself. “Look, I’m not sure if this is something that you would be comfortable with doing just yet but would you like to come back to Mere Place with me and meet your in-laws and eat with us...”.

Robert stopped talking and waited for Aaron’s response. He knew that this would be a big deal for Aaron, especially as he was aware that Robert’s Merrick family weren’t his greatest fans and in all likelihood he could be in for a very rocky evening.

Aaron was touched by Robert’s invitation, he had sensed his husband nervousness when he had asked him so he tried to ease his doubts. “I’d like to come and meet them and if the menu’s up to scratch I might even stop to eat with you all as well”.

Robert smiled. “Its beef stew and dumplings followed by chocolate torte for dessert”.

Aaron smiled back. “Sounds too tempting to resist, count me in”.

Robert grew pensive, there was one blot on the horizon. “There is one thing though that I need to warn you about. It’s Sandie, my sister, there are times when she can be pretty blunt so you might need a second skin if she is in one of her moods”.

Aaron smiled reassuringly at Robert. “Its all going to be fine. Whatever she says I’ll take it on the chin”. 

Aaron paused a moment to reflect. “Anyway I know that I deserve all the flack coming my way due to the terrible way I treated you so don’t blame her for being angry with me Robert because the truth is that I’m still angry with me to, I hate myself for the way I hurt you, there aren’t enough words for me to tell you how sorry I am”.

Robert’s listened carefully to what Aaron had to say and then something just snapped inside him. There was a sharp, angry edge to his voice as he replied. “I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t keep doing this”.

Aaron was taken aback. “Doing what?”.

Robert’s voice grew colder and more deadly as he answered Aaron. “Going on about how sorry you are, I mean what good is that to me. What you did was horrific, you hurt me so badly I ended up in hospital. The cold hard reality is that you can’t turn the clock back, undo what you did, none of us can even when there are times we desperately wish we could. So live with what you’ve done and for God’s sake stop whining on about how sorry you are, I sick to the back teeth of listening to your pathetic apologies”.

Aaron felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. He struggled to understand what had just happened, why Robert had turned on him so viciously. He felt tears begin to form in his eyes. “I sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, that’s the last thing I ever want to do...”.

Aaron stopped talking. He was at a loss as to what else there was that he could say. He bowed his head to hide the tears that were now falling silently down his cheeks. He felt so utterly miserable as he silently cursed himself for ruining everything by opening his big mouth and saying the wrong thing. 

Robert leant back in his seat. He rubbed his eyes with his hand, a gesture born of his exasperation at himself for his lack of self control. He felt wretched, as soon as the words had left his mouth he regretted them. The regret intensified when he saw how much pain he had caused Aaron. “I’m the one that should be saying sorry. I’m...”.

Aaron remained silent. He had no clue what the best thing was for him to say, he had already put his foot well and truly in it so he decided to keep quiet and wait for Robert to continue.

After what Aaron thought of as an eternity going by Robert eventually resumed what he had to say, he was desperate to find the right words, to make Aaron understand why he had lost his temper with him. “When we talked about us getting back together again last week one of the things that we agreed on was that we would start from scratch, draw a line in the sand regarding the past. You keep apologising about what you did is just reopening all the old wounds, making me relive that day and that’s something I don’t want to do any more”. 

Robert paused a moment, he was finding it hard to talk about how he felt but he knew that he owed Aaron answers after being so cruel. “You have taken all the blame upon yourself for what happened that day but the truth is that it wasn’t all your fault, I have to shoulder some of the blame as well, if I had been honest with you from the start about who I really was then the chances are that things would have worked out differently and we would both have been spared so much heartache and pain”.

Robert stopped talking. The events of the day coupled with his lack of sleep suddenly hit him, he closed his eyes as his fatigue overwhelmed him wave after wave. At that moment in time all he wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep, shut the world away and find some momentary peace and here he was again baring his soul once more, ripping the plasters off leaving himself raw. He wanted this conversation over and done with. “You talk to me about how sorry you are, well I’m sorry as well for all times I have hurt you, I know that there were moments where I was responsible for putting you through hell and back. I live with my regrets and I am so ashamed of the person I was at times. I can’t turn the clock back but I can make sure that I never do anything else that I will regret. That’s what I want from you. A promise that you will leave the past behind and be the man you want to be from now on”.

Aaron wiped the tears from his eyes. He looked closely at Robert, seeing the turmoil he was in and he inwardly cursed himself. One wrong sentence and he had brought them to this. He felt sick inside seeing the pain etched on his husband’s face and he racked his brain as to what to say, on how to comfort him but he couldn’t find any words that he thought would be adequate enough.

Robert continued. “I need you to understand once and for all that we can’t keeping going over the past, its to painful and its tearing us both apart. Its not healthy. We have to stop this self-destructive spiral of ours, hating ourselves for the things we wished we hadn’t have done if we are to have any chance of being together. We have to move on Aaron, we have to start living in the present and look to the future...”. 

Robert had to stop. He couldn’t find it in himself to talk any more. He rubbed his eyes and he found that his hand came away wet yet again. He felt Aaron pull him into his arms and after a moment of hesitation he allowed himself to be pressed tight against his husband’s body. He closed his eyes, letting the pain wash over him as every last bit of strength deserted him. 

Aaron reflected that today was fast turning out to be a nightmare. His husband, who had always been the strong one seemed so broken, the pain openly etched on his face showed just how much damage he had inflicted all those month’s ago. He wanted to beg Robert once more for forgiveness but he held back, knowing it would be selfish of him, that he would be trying to make himself feel better at Robert’s expense and it would more than likely cause another row which was the last thing it wanted to happen.

Aaron tried to soothe Robert, he gently rubbed his back in circular motions. After a while he was rewarded for his efforts when he felt Robert start to relax against him. Aaron savoured the sweetness of the intimacy, the only positive thing about Robert fluctuating emotions was that he got to hold him in his arms, he just wished it could have been under better circumstances. Aaron started to whisper in Robert’s ear that everything was going to be alright, that he was going to take care of him, he promised him that they would do as he wanted going forwards, no more sorry’s. In response to his words he felt Robert snuggling up closer to him like he had in the old days. Aaron savoured the moment, a feeling of euphoria swept through him, he couldn’t pinpoint why but he was suddenly hit with the feeling that this was the turning point, that somehow it would pave the way for them to be together again. 

After a while Aaron detected that Robert seemed more peaceful, he thought that the time was right to talk to him again and he was on the verge of breaking the silence when he realised that his husband was asleep. He smiled to himself. He moved them into a more comfortable position and closed his eyes daring to dream about the future they were going to have together. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Aaron gently nudged Robert, he wanted to wake him up before they reached Mere Place. They were about five minutes away and he needed Robert to open the gates to the mansion. For some reason which he couldn’t pinpoint, Aaron had a feeling of disquiet about being seen getting out of the car to press the intercom for admittance. 

Aaron was enjoying driving the car, he had to hand it to Robert he certainly knew how to pick his motors, the Aston Martin DB11 was amazing. Aaron had to admit to himself that he had been shocked that when they had arrived back at Leeds Airport Robert had handed over the car keys to him. It wasn’t long though before he discovered why, shortly after they had started their journey home Robert had closed his eyes and fallen asleep once more. Aaron hadn’t yet worked out whether Robert falling asleep again was due to his tiredness or an unwillingness to talk to him.

Contrary to Aaron’s belief Robert wasn’t deliberately ignoring him, it was just that he had finally hit a brick wall and his body had shutdown on him, when even he had reach the point when you couldn’t exist on adrenaline only. 

Before the warmth of the car had lulled him to sleep he relived the pain of seeing Annie’s casket once more as it was loaded into the undertaker’s hearse so she could be taken to their chapel of rest. Whilst this time he had been better prepared it still felt like somebody had punched him in the gut.

Robert had had to force himself to talk to the undertakers, he needed to reassure himself that everything was in hand and that they were going to liaise with the Sugden side of his family about all the funeral arrangements. A part of him felt that he was taking the cowards way out, getting them to do his dirty work but he couldn’t face his father’s family, not after what he had heard they had been saying about him, he just didn’t feel up to hearing them rip him apart. 

Aaron’s nudges finally did the trick, Robert woke up. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get them to focus once more, when they did he was surprised to see how close they were to home. He realised that he had must of slept for most of the journey. He looked over at Aaron, he felt guilty that he had unintentionally ignored him for hours, first on the plane and then on the car journey back. Before he could say sorry they were outside the gates of Mere Place and he had to quickly reach for the security fob in the glove compartment to key in the access code to let them in.

Aaron drove through the gates and parked the car outside the front door. He remained silent waiting for Robert to speak, he didn’t have to wait long. “I’m sorry about how today as gone. It’s not exactly been a barrel of laughs has it”. 

Robert paused then added. “I also said some things now that I wished I hadn’t”.

Aaron thought for a moment, he wanted to get the words right in his head before he voiced them out loud, knowing that one wrong word could be disastrous. “I’ve been thinking about what you said and you were right, I do keeping going on about stuff, I do it because I want you to make me feel better and its selfish of me, I hurt you to make myself feel alright”.

Robert sighed, he didn’t want to have this conversation and sought to curtail it before it began. “Can we just put my meltdown down to me being tired and out of sorts and leave it at that?”.

Aaron wasn’t convinced that tiredness was the real reason and said so. “I get that you were tired but I don’t buy that you didn’t mean what you said, I know you remember”.

Robert reclined further in his seat, he knew that he had dug himself in a hole that would require him giving Aaron an explanation, he decided honesty was the best option. “Gran’s death has left me raw, before she died we talked about my dad and it has brought back some very painfully memories. Gran told me that he had loved me, I think she was on a mission to make me believe that before she died. At the time I let her convince me that she was right and looking at it clearly now I think what she said was true. The problem is it doesn’t change anything, the past is set in stone and the pain that he caused me will never be undone. That’s why I want us to stop going over our past mistakes and move on because no good can come of wishing to change what we can’t, we’ll just keep hurting ourselves over and over again”. 

Robert took a deep breath and continued. “Then there is Emmerdale. I know that you have tried to spare my feelings but I am under no illusions about what people are saying about me. It the same old story that’s been told a thousand times, that I am the wicked, worthless, unlovable son of the saintly Jack Sugden who is capable of ever evil deed going”.

Aaron remained silent, he didn’t know what he could say that would make things better, Robert was spot on about the villagers though, the majority of them were saying some very deeply unpleasant things about him thanks to Harriet’s indiscretions after her visit to Mere Place.

Robert leant over and touched Aaron knee, making the younger man start. Aaron turned to look at Robert closely and was relieved to see that he looked composed. “I know that I have frightened you today but you don’t need to worry about me, as soon as the funeral is over I can start to grieve properly, put Emmerdale and my dad behind me once more and get back to normal”. 

Aaron felt a little happier after Robert’s explanation but there were still the nagging doubts whirling around in his head. “I’m not so sure that it will be that easy for you to banish the demons that are haunting you once more”.

Robert looked closely at Aaron, saw the worry written all over his face. He sought to reassure him. “I will banish the demons once and for all. I’ve reached a point where I am determined to put a stop to hurting myself. I’m not saying it will be easy to change the habits of a lifetime, after all the demons have haunted me for far to long but with your help, that’s if I haven’t frightened you off I know I can do it”.

Aaron smiled. “You will never frighten me off, no way. You are stuck with me for life, until your dying breath”.

Robert smiled back and laughed. “That’s just what I needed to hear, because that’s what I want to”. 

Aaron felt that his heart was going to burst, without thinking he leant closer to Robert and kissed him. He felt Robert startle at the touch of his lips, Aaron drew back and saw the flicker of uncertainty in his husbands eyes, he felt a moment of dread that he had overstepped, pushed to far, to soon before Robert dispelled his doubts as he placed a hand behind the back of his neck and pulled him back so their lips meet once again.

Robert kissed Aaron softly at first, gentle feather light touches that tantalised Aaron into wanting more and soon enough their hunger for each began to spiral out of control, their kisses deepen, both of them seeking dominant, trying to devour each other. Aaron felt himself spiralling out of control, ever nerve end he had seemed to be on fire as his passion ignited. He pulled at Robert’s coat, trying to find the buttons so he could finally get to feel Robert’s silky smooth skin under his fingertips, he needed to touch him, make sure that what was happening was real, he had almost succeeded in his quest when to his dismay he felt Robert pull away.

Aaron was bereft. He looked into Robert’s eyes, saw his own passion mirrored in their darkness and was at a lose to understand why Robert had pulled away. Robert leant forward, he rested his head against Aaron’s creating a heart shape between them. His voice was breathless, his passion still razor sharp, it took an enormous amount of willpower to stop himself kissing Aaron again. “What is it about you and cars that makes me lose my mind?”.

Aaron laughed. “I think it more about you and your inability to keep your hands off me, although sadly you seem to have stopped yourself this time”.

Robert smiled ruefully. “I didn’t have much choice. As you are well aware I don’t have any inhibitions but even I would have ended up red faced if we have continued”.

Aaron looked quizzically at him. Robert explained. “CCTV camera’s. I don’t think that Harry will be impressed when he is doing his security checks to cop an eyeful of us making out, besides, I think that by now everybody knows that we are here so there would be the sheer embarrassment of trying to explain why it took us so long to go inside and I’m sure that’s not the first type of conversation you want to have with your in-laws”.

Aaron blanched and then turned a dark shade of vermilion, he felt peeved when he saw that Robert was smiling, enjoying his discomfiture. “I think you are lying about being embarrassed at being caught out on camera, I know you remember, I don’t think you would have had any shame at all”.

Robert laughed out loud. He opened the car door and signalled for Aaron to do the same, he saw him hesitate and smiled. “Are you going to stay in the car all night or are you coming in to meet your sister and brother-in-law?”.

Aaron got out of the car and went to join Robert as he made his way to the door. He took a deep breath and braced himself as he prepared for the uncharted waters ahead.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Cain watched from his vantage point in the woods, it gave him a clear view of the courtyard at Mere Place. He watched as the car entered through the gates. He was to far away to see things clearly but he could just about make out that there were two people in the car.

He waited patiently for them to step out of the car and into the lights surrounding the front of the house. His long, cold vigil was rewarded as he saw Sugden step out of the car to be followed a few moments later by a slightly shorter figure. 

Cain swore under his breath as he recognised Aaron, he lamented as to when in God’s name his nephew would ever learn to stay away from that devil. 

Cain gritted his teeth in anger, he hadn’t wanted Chas to be right, had come to spy on Mere Place just to stop her mithering him about Aaron and tell her she was wrong to think he was back with Sugden, but the proof was there right in front of him. 

Cain sighed, they all had to face the fact that the worst had happened, Aaron was back with the last person on earth any of them wanted him to be with. He grimaced as he realised that he was going to have to tell Chas, he shuddered as he envisaged the fallout that would ensue. 

As Cain walked away from the woods he reflected on one thing, whatever it took he and the Dingle clan were going to do everything they could to save Aaron from himself and get him away from Sugden once and for all.


	24. The calm before the storm - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the build up to Annie's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a continuation of the previous one. It takes place over two days. It finishes of the 10th Jan which brings Robert and Aaron closer and the 13th Jan when Robert meets Andy for the first time in 5 years.
> 
> It is the last chapter before the funeral and the fireworks that are to come.

January 10th, 2022 – Early Evening onwards

As soon as Robert opened the door he was assailed by Freddie. The cockapoo danced around him, barking with excitement to have his master home again. Robert bent down and made a fuss of him until he calmed down, just as he managed to achieve that his son appeared on the horizon, running eagerly towards him, wanting his share of Robert’s attention to.

Robert picked Seb up and cuddled him in his arms, kissing him tenderly on the top of his head. Aaron watched on, a periphery figure, he felt slightly out of things until Robert looked over at him and smiled, offering him his free hand. Aaron closed the distant between them and took it gratefully in his own as they began to make their way into the main part of the house.

As Robert reached the conservatory he was greeted with the sight of several people chatting and drinking coffee, Aaron recognised Harry, Priya and Amba but the other two were strangers, he surmised that they had to be Robert’s sister Sandie and his brother-in-law James, an assumption that was proved accurate as Robert introduced them as such.

Robert put Seb down and went over to them. His sister Sandie was the first up to greet him, she gave him a big hug and then it was James’ turn. As Aaron closely watched the scene being enacted out before him he saw the deep affection that existed between them, it was obvious that they all adored each other. His thoughts turned to the other relatives Robert had and he felt sad when he realised that it had been along time since he had seen Robert be so at ease with either Diane and Vic, in recent times there had been a slight reservation in his manner with them, even when he had hugged them it was as if he didn’t quite trust them not to hurt him so had held something back in reserve. Aaron reflected that he was likely to see a lot of firsts tonight, that he would get to see a side of his husband that Robert had prior to hidden from his view.

As soon as the greetings were over Aaron felt all eyes turn to him, he felt himself start to drown under their intense stares and he gulped. A part of him felt like turning tail and running until that option was taken from him when Robert walked over to him and taking him by the hand propelled him towards his newly discovered in-laws and did the introductions. 

Aaron almost wavered under Sandie’s scrutiny, she looked at him from top to toe, taking in every detail and he felt somehow that she found him wanting, that he had failed whatever test she had set for him. He felt his resolve weaken once more and cursed himself for not legging it back to the Mill when he had had the chance. 

As Aaron tried to stay calm he was sudden hit by a thought, if first impressions were anything to go by Sandie would be more than a match for his mother. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, the last thing he needed to do was worry about what their first meeting was going to be like. Just as he was beginning to feel that she would never say anything Sandie finally spoke to him. “So your Aaron then”. 

Aaron swallowed, those four words came across as a challenge. He nodded, his mouth to dry for him to say yes.

Sandie looked him over again, Aaron thought that she appeared to have soften slightly towards him as she no longer had a fierce gleam in her eyes, he was wrong as her next words had a savage bite to them. “Harry’s told me about you, said that you are trying to worm your way back into my brother’s bed”.

Aaron wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. He noticed that Robert did not look amused and appeared to be on the verge of saying something, however, before he could he was beaten to it by his brother-in-law James. “Now then Sandie, we agreed that we would give the lad a chance, so how about you retracting your claws”.

James turned to Aaron and offered him his hand. “Don’t let my wife frighten you off lad, its good to finally be able to put a name to a face”.

Aaron gratefully took James’ hand and shook it and some semblance of peace was restored once more. During the exchange he noticed that Robert had picked Seb up again and was cuddling him in his arms, he felt a rush of love towards them both, seeing father and son together and seeing the love between them warmed his heart. He could see that Seb was doing wonders to restore Robert’s spirits, his husband was smiling and laughing as his son rambled on about his day at nursery, totally oblivious to the tension that had surrounded them a moment again.

Robert brought him back from his musings when he asked if everybody fancied more coffee. They all agreed and Robert beckoned Aaron to follow him to the kitchen to lend a helping hand. Aaron half suspected that Robert wanted him removed from harms way, that he didn’t want to leave him unprotected, he felt a wave of gratitude at his husbands thoughtfulness and followed him willingly to a place of temporary sanctuary away from his sister-in-law.

As Aaron followed Robert he made a mental note to ask his husband for some pointers on how you stayed alive in shark infested waters.

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron sat eating his dinner alongside his recently discovered sister and brother-in-law, Harry, Priya, Amba, Seb and Robert. The beef stew and dumplings was every bit as delicious as he knew it would be and as an added extra courtesy of Seb twisting his dad round his little finger they had a side dish of Yorkshire pudding as well plus a healthy selection of vegetables that he learned was a norm with Robert these days as he had developed a very strict healthy eating regime.

Aaron ate slowly, he wanted to savour every mouth full, he admitted to himself that he had missed Robert’s cooking when they had been apart and it had been rare for him to find anything to eat that hadn’t seemed ordinary and bland in comparison, it brought it home to him how spoilt he had been without realising it. Aaron made yet another mental note to himself about his future conduct, he had to make sure he complimented the chef more often.

Aaron thought he had been spoilt with the beef stew but the chocolate torte that was served up for dessert was sublime. He looked over at Seb and could see that he looked like he was in chocolate heaven, Aaron smiled to himself, he had definitely inherited his father’s sweet tooth.

Whilst Aaron enjoyed every mouthful of food he couldn’t in all honesty say he enjoyed the company as much. His new in-laws weren’t as sociable as they could have been, they were polite enough but underneath it all he was doubtful that they were going to give him tops marks anytime soon. He surmised that his sister-in-law hadn’t thawed towards him one little bit and even though he thought James seemed like he was a genial and fair minded man he suspected that Sandie ruled the roost and he would have to tow whatever line she set.

Aaron was so engrossed in his musings that he startled when he heard Sandie address him. “I can see by the way that you have been tucking in that you like your food, so much so it appears to have robbed you of the art of conversation and being sociable”

Aaron was taken aback, whilst in itself her comments weren’t the rudest he had ever heard he felt that somehow due to the tone of her voice she had meant it as a rebuke and subsequently he felt himself redden in mortification, as if he had been caught out doing something wrong. He took a moment to calm himself before he answered the first part of her dig. “Who wouldn’t like food when it is this good”. 

Sandie was surprised at his answer, in truth she had hoped to provoke him a little, test his mettle but Aaron had not risen to the bait and remained neutral to her dig. When she saw Robert give her a warning look she decided to change tack. “You not wrong there, Robbie certainly knows his way around the kitchen”

James chipped in, trying to smooth things over. “Aye, I’ll second that. If we keep having meals like this I think I’d be needing to use the gym on a frequent basis as well as taking Freddie out for long walks or I’d soon be the size of this house”.

They all laughed at what James had said, not that it was overly funny, but it gave them all an out to overcome what could have been an awkward moment. They settled down once more and to Aaron relief the rest of the meal passed in a more congenial atmosphere.

Aaron allowed his mind to wander during the final stages of the meal, he began to imagine what it would be like to be part of this family and he found to his surprise that he wanted it very much, that he would be happy to be considered one of them.

The Merrick family had a genuine warmth about them, they all cared about each other, even when they had been winding each other up and bickering it had seemed nothing more than an act, that they were putting on a show but the thing that struck him the most was how kind they were to Robert, there were no nasty little digs listing his supposed shortcomings, far from it, they seemed to go out of their way not to hurt his feelings. Aaron wasn’t sure if it was the norm or if they were being extra careful not to upset Robert because of the day they imagined he had had. Aaron thought that time would tell which of his theories proved correct.

Aaron settled his attention on Priya, she looked to be at ease amongst them, in fact she seemed more relaxed than he thought it was possible for her to be, he had always thought her a bit uptight so it was proving something of a revelation. He mused to himself if he was judging it correctly her future in-laws liked her a lot and she in return was comfortable with them and liked them in return. 

Aaron thought that seeing Harry and Priya together reinforced his earlier opinion that they were very much in love, on paper they had seemed like a weird mix but it was obviously working well between them, Aaron mused that it had been the same with him and Robert, they weren’t a couple you would have matched together in a million years yet somehow it had worked so well.

Before he could help himself Aaron was suddenly hit with the realisation that things had been more than well, they had been brilliant until he had ruined them. He quickly pushed the thoughts aside, it was not the time for self pity and recriminations.

Aaron turned his attention to Robert, he seemed much happier now he was home, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He had relaxed to the point that he had laughed and joked with his guests, allowing them to tease him without swiping them back. There was none of the habitual wariness he had witnessed all to often in the past. Aaron admitted to himself that he was stunned by the change in Robert’s demeanour but it gave him a warm happy feeling inside knowing that Robert had such kind and loving people surrounding him that it allowed him to show the special man he was beneath the armour plating without fear of being hurt.

From time to time throughout the meal Aaron had noticed Robert’s eyes straying towards him, he had tried to do it discreetly but Aaron had noticed the other guests had clocked what he was up to. Aaron had loved the attention he was getting from his husband, it was a long time since anybody had looked at him with such love radiating from their eyes. It made him excited for the future. The cautious part of him told himself not to get carried away, that he had to be patient, not run before he could walk but he couldn’t help himself, he felt overjoyed that this had to be a sign that he was finally going to get what he wanted more than life itself, his husband back once more in his life.

All to soon for Aaron’s liking the meal was finished and they all made their way into a nearby lounge. It was the first time that Aaron had been in the room and it was in keeping with what little of the house he had seen so far. Unlike the conservatory the room was more formal, it was a mixture of various shades of dark blues, creams, greens and burgundies. Sofa’s formed a square around a large coffee table. The pictures on the wall were striking, bold coloured images of various flowers, that blended the old with the new. Normally they were the type of thing that Aaron would have said he hated yet somehow he found his eyes captivated by them. The furniture looked antique, in various shades of mid to dark browns that gleamed in the subdued lighting. Aaron suspected that a lot of time and money had gone into creating a room where every piece blended and fitted in to perfection but in a way that made it look to have been so casually done.

As Aaron looked around he suddenly felt out of place, he could see the rest of the family plonking themselves on the sofa’s but he wasn’t sure where he fitted in and since Robert had gone to fix them teas and coffee he wasn’t there to guide him as to where he belonged, just as his discomfiture threaten to get the better of him Harry much to his relief came to his rescue and indicated that he should sit by him. 

Aaron looked at the people around him, despite having just shared a meal with them they were all still strangers, he knew that he had talked to Harry a few times now but the truth was the man was still a relatively unknown entity. He wished that Priya and Amba hadn’t departed back to their part of the house so he could have at least been surrounded by two friendly faces. Aaron checked his watch, willing the time to move faster to hasten Robert return with the drinks, in hindsight he kicked himself for not volunteering to help.

Aaron was thankful that Robert appeared before his nerves got the better of him. Once he had handed out the drinks he sat down next to Aaron, followed by Seb who clamoured up on his dad lap so he could have a cuddle. Aaron thought that it was way past his bedtime but Robert seemed content to let him stay up late with him, no doubt relying on the fact that Seb would probably fall asleep in his arms anyway. Aaron also suspected that Robert wanted some normalcy and having his little boy cuddled up in his arms would be a cathartic antidote to combat what had been a very emotionally difficult day

Aaron began to relax with Robert by his side. The after dinner conversation ebbed and flowed, Robert had gone out of his way to make him feel included in the group, he had fed him lines so he could join in with their conversations so he hadn’t felt left out. Harry had helped to and before he knew it he was actually enjoying himself. Again he was struck with how they were treating Robert and he had a moment of insight that this was the family that he was going to love being a part of, all he had to do was prove to them Robert was safe in his hands, that he wouldn’t hurt him ever again. If he got them onside they would accept him as one their own. Aaron sighed internally to himself, that wasn’t going to be plain sailing, he knew that Sandie would see to that but then he reasoned nothing worth having was ever easy, especially where Robert was concerned, they had the history to prove that in abundance.

Everything was going smoothly until Robert inadvertently upset Seb. The problem arose when Robert was talking about his plans for the next few days. He had been apologising to Sandie and James that he wouldn’t be around to help them settle in because he had to be in London, Seb had clapped his hands and asked if he was going to see his uncles when Robert had gently explained to him that he wouldn’t be able to take him with him this time. To say that all hell broke loose was an understatement.

Seb started to beg his dad to take him with him, the more Robert tried to explain that he wouldn’t be able to look after him as he was going to be to busy the more Seb begged him not to leave him behind. Aaron watched in horror as tears and tantrums ensued. Aaron thought Robert looked on the verge of tears as well, it was obvious that hearing his son cry was ripping him to pieces, yet another thing that he had to deal with on what had already been an emotionally fraught day.

In the end Robert gave up trying to placate Seb. He apologised to everybody for the scene, got up and took his son upstairs so he could deal with him in private.

Aaron was left sitting on the sofa, he felt wretched seeing Robert looking so distraught, he wondered just how much more Robert could take, when the powers up above decided to make Robert have a shitty day they well and truly went for it. A part of him had wanted to follow Robert upstairs but he had been unsure if Robert would have wanted him there and had erred on the side of caution and stayed put. He was so busy debating with himself if he had done the right thing that he was startled when he heard Harry speak to him loudly to get his attention. “Are you ok Aaron”.

Aaron looked up and saw three pair of eyes looking at him. He was nonplussed at the concern he saw in them until Harry passed him a handkerchief. Aaron to his mortification realised that there must be tears in his eyes. He sought to reassure them. “Yeah, I’m fine, its just that I’m worried about Robert, he’s had a hell of a day and now Seb is upset, it tears Robert apart when he cries like that and I don’t know how much more he can take today, he was really cut up when he saw Annie’s casket...”

Harry went to sit closer to Aaron, he pull his arm around him. Aaron would normally have balked at a relative stranger touching him but somehow because it was Harry it felt right. Aaron wondered why that was until it struck him that Harry reminded him of Robert, the first time they had meet he had been stunned by the strong family resemblance but through talking to Harry and being in his company he realised that he had similar traits to Robert, they were both intelligent, emotionally strong, blunt, sarcastic and loyal to the people that mattered to them, he also suspected that Harry had the same ability to love so utterly and completely when he found that one person to touch his soul and if his instincts were right that person was Priya. Aaron felt relieved that one, Harry and Robert were closely related and two Harry wasn’t gay as the pair of them would have made a brilliant couple, he wouldn’t have got a look in.

Harry continued to hug Aaron until he felt that the younger man was more composed. He offered words of reassurance. “Robbie will be ok, we’ll make sure of that between us all, we’ll give him all the support he needs and as for Seb, Robbie’s a brilliant father, he’s get him settled again and make him understand why he has to stay at home, you mark my words they’ll be pals again in no time”.

Aaron nodded. Harry gave Aaron one last hug and moved away from him to give him back some personal space.

Sandie watched the exchange between her son and brother-in-law closely, it had proven to be something of an eye opener for her as she had got to witness first hand how much Aaron loved her brother. She was touched to see how much Aaron cared about Robert’s well being and it finally helped her to reach a decision on how she would deal with Aaron going forwards, she decided that she would give him a chance to prove himself, let him show her why she should not hinder him in his quest to be a part of her brother’s life once more. 

Sandie looked directly at Aaron, so much so she could see that she was unnerving him, she smiled to herself, it wouldn’t hurt him to be a little bit frightened of her during these early days of their acquaintance. Sandie decided to get straight to the point, ask the question she most wanted the answer to. “You really love my brother, don’t you?”.

Aaron was taken aback by Sandie’s bluntness. He took a moment to compose himself, he had a premonition that his answer would prove to be a pivotal moment in his relationship with his new in-laws and he wanted to get his thoughts in order so his answer would tick all the boxes needed to get them started on the right foot. “I imagine that it will seem strange to you when I tell you that I love him, especially after what I did to him that awful night but I swear to you that its the truth, it really is”. 

Aaron closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. “Cards on the table, I really messed up big time. I know that I hurt Robert deeply, I broke his heart and I hate myself for all the pain I caused him but I want to be given a chance to make amends, to put things right once more”. 

Aaron paused to take a deep breath, it was proving hard to articulate his feelings in front of strangers. “You see Robert is my world, he is everything to me, he’s my husband, my best friend and my soulmate, he’s the missing part on me, the one and only person that can make me whole”. 

Aaron stopped to wipe away a few treacherous tears. “If Robert will let me I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to him. I want him to feel that he loved and cherished. I want to make him happy, make him laugh again but most importantly of all I want to make him feel glad to be alive...” 

Aaron stopped, he found it to difficult to go on, he was astounded with himself, he was never one for words, for the big speeches yet he had bared his soul in front of strangers, leaving himself raw and vulnerable to attack. He waited with baited breath as to how they would response to his declarations. As his discomfiture grew he debated whether he should say any more, mercifully he was spared the ordeal as James came to his rescue. “Fine words laddie, spoken from the heart. Time though will tell whether you can live up to them. I think that I speak for all of us when I wish you well in your endeavours, we all want to see Robbie happy again to”.

James paused a moment, his voice sounding stern to Aaron’s ears as he continued. “But you need to understand something Aaron, we all love Robbie and we will be watching you like a hawk to make sure you don’t mess things up again because trust me we will not stand by and let you hurt him again, not ever”.

James paused a moment to take the sting out of his voice. “Robbie is like a son to Sandie and me. We have loved him from the moment Harry brought him home so many years ago now. He’s part of our family and in our family will look after the people we love, so if you hurt Robbie you hurt us as well and we aren’t the sort of people to stand by and let somebody we love get hurt, we step him and protect our own in the manner we see fit”.

Harry could see that his father’s words had shocked Aaron, he looked pale. He couldn’t resist having some fun at Aaron’s expense. “Don’t look so worried laddie, we haven’t killed anybody yet, although there is always a first time for everything isn’t there”. 

Harry finished the sentence off by winking at Aaron, a mock smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Aaron blanched at the words, they might have been spoken in jest but somehow there seemed to be serious undertone to them. He came out fighting, refusing to be intimidated “You’ll all be happy to know then that you will have no need to kill now or in the future. To repeat what I have just said I promise you that I won’t hurt Robert ever again and I will prove it to you all because I am going to spend the rest of my life making Robert feel the most loved man alive”.

Sandie smiled. “Well said lad, you’ve got more mettle than we gave you credit for”.

Sandie was reflective for a moment before she added. “I really hope you succeed. Its to early to tell but I think just maybe you might have what it takes to be part of our family so on behalf of us all and mind you its only on probation to begin with until you prove yourself I want to welcome you to the Morgan/Merrick clan”.

Aaron exhaled slowly, he tried to steady his nerves, as he did so he began to feel insanely happy, it seemed at long last he had broken the ice with his new in-laws and if they were on board then it made things even better where Robert was concerned. He was revelling in the moment before James brought him back to earth with a bang. “There is one other piece of advice I think you need to hear laddie, something that you will want to avoid doing again in the future”.

Aaron was mystified to what James could be referring to, he was weary when he asked him what he meant. “What would that be?”.

James smiled broadly, as if he was already enjoying the joke before it was put into words. “Snog Robbie’s face off outside the front door. The CCTV camera’s picked up everything. To be honest we were all a bit worried that you two were going to put on a right show for us, we didn’t know where to look”.

Aaron felt himself blushing to his roots with mortification. They were all grinning at him, when they saw the horror on his face it tipped them over the edge and they all burst out laughing at his expense. Aaron was nonplussed on how to react until he realised that Robert to would have found it hilarious to, seeing him blushing like a virgin for been caught snogging on film and he started laughing with them, his future new family.  
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Robert sat in the rocking chair, Seb cradled in his arms. To his relief he had managed to stop Seb crying but his little boy wouldn’t stop begging him not to go away and leave him all on his own.

Robert felt like his insides were being ripped apart. Since he and Aaron had split up he had made Seb his number one priority, trying his best to be the equivalent of two parents and as a result he and Seb had developed a deep bond. In some ways it had become a double edged sword, neither of them now could bear to be apart. Robert loathed the thought of leaving his son, it had happened far to often of late but realistically he knew that there was no way he could take him with him to London, he had back to back meeting on Tuesday and then in the evening he had to wine and dine some very important clients and Wednesday was another early start with more meetings arranged. If he took Seb with him he wouldn’t be around to spend time with him so it was common sense that he remained at home being looked after by Harry and the rest of his family but that still didn’t stop him feeling that he was the worse dad alive and that wasn’t even taking Annie, his newly born daughter into account.

Robert felt compelled to try and make Seb feel better, try to make him understand why he was leaving him. “You know that the two days I am away will fly by, it will be Thursday before you know it and then I’ll be home and we can spend lots of time together. I’ll even make you some pasta bolognese for your tea, you know its your favourite”.

Seb sniffed, he looked like he was on the verge of crying again. Robert tried his best to stop that happening, he really couldn’t cope with any more tears. “You know that I would never leave you if it was at all possible for me to take you with me, don’t you Seb”.

Robert failed miserably to placate his son and Seb started to cry again. “I don’t want you to go daddy, please don’t leave me, please daddy stay home with me”.

Robert cuddled Seb closer to him, he felt himself begin to unravel. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, trying to compose himself, he knew that he was perilously close to tears himself. He felt a complete failure, all his attempts at making his son feel better had failed spectacularly and after the day he had it was the final straw. “Please don’t cry Seb, I can’t bear it any more, you know that I hate seeing you like this. I promise you that I won’t be away for long, I’ll come home as soon as I can”.

Seb continued to cry. “What if you never come home daddy, what if you go away like granny Annie has and I never get to see you again”.

Seb’s words hit Robert like a punch to the stomach. He had though that Seb hadn’t really understood that Annie had died but he should have known better, Seb was an intelligent little boy and understood more than he gave him credit for. At least he could begin to see why Seb was getting so upset and it also explained why Seb had been like his shadow, clinging to him at every opportunity since he had got back from Spain. “I need you to listen Seb to what daddy is going to tell you okay”.

Robert waited to make sure Seb was listening before he tried to explain. “The reason Granny Annie has gone away is because she was very old and she decided it was time for her to go to sleep but daddy isn’t old yet and he doesn’t want to go to sleep for a very long time, he wants to stay awake so he can see you grow up and have children of your own one day”.

Robert watched Seb closely, he judged that Seb seemed to be understanding a little of what he was saying so he continued along the same vein. “Daddy loves you so very much and he would be lost without you, there’s no way that he won’t come back so he can be with his favourite little boy again”.

Seb stopped crying. Robert breathed out a sigh of relief. He tickled Seb and his son started to giggly and try and swat his hand away which only led to Robert tickling him more. Robert revelled in the sound of his son’s laughter, it was tonic to his ears after all the crying.

Robert hugged Seb tightly in his arms as he rocked him back and forth in the chair. He felt Seb melt against him and smiled, kissing him gently on the top of his head. He picked up a book close to hand and started to read to him, making his son giggle when he put on funny voices for each character. The reading seemed to soothe Seb and much to Robert’s relief he became his happy little boy again.

Robert noticed that Seb was getting drowsy in his arms, he picked him up and prepared him for bed. As soon as his son’s head hit the pillow he fell asleep, the lateness of the hour and his exhaustion from crying finally catching up with him.

Robert watched Seb for a while, he looked so peaceful, without a care in the world and at that moment he envied him. A fierce wave of love overwhelmed him as he looked at his son, he make a sacred vow to himself that his son would never know a moment when his father didn’t love him, he would never ever suffer the way he had at the hands of Jack Sugden. Robert leant over and gave his son one last kiss and made for the door.

Robert had barely gone a few paces from Seb’s bedroom door when he saw Aaron walking towards him. He put his finger to his mouth to stop Aaron from talking and indicated that he should follow him. They walked along a corridor until they reached an alcove with a comfy looking L shaped sofa in the corner.

As they sat down Aaron explained that he had been worried about how he was coping with Seb and that he had come up to see if he could do anything to help before he went home. 

Robert sighed. “That was nice of you to try and help me out but your timing off, Seb’s fast asleep now although by no longer being awake means he has deprived himself of a daddy Aaron cuddle”.

Aaron smiled at the thought, he had loved holding the little boy in his arms. “I was also worried about you, I could see that Seb crying like that was really upsetting you”.

Robert looked at Aaron, saw the concern in his eyes and smiled back to reassure him that he was okay. “I’ve survived”.

Aaron slid closer to Robert, he hesitated for a moment before his pulled Robert against him and gave him a big hug. He felt Robert melt against his body, Robert’s hand crept around the back of his neck and Aaron increased the strength of his grip. Aaron gently kissed Robert on the top of his head, a simple gesture that offered dividends when he heard Robert sigh in contentment.

Robert murmured softly in his ear. “I really needed that after the day I’ve had, it not just Seb that loves your cuddles”. 

Robert added on a more serious note. “You know I don’t think I would have got through today without you”.

Aaron smiled widened, he kissed Robert on the head again as he continued to hold him tightly. He periodically rubbed his hand over Robert’s upper arm and shoulder. He felt Robert’s fingers caress the back of his neck, rubbing over the stubble with feather light touches just like he had in the old days and it set all his nerve ends on fire. He began to breath heavily as his passion ignited. He drew back from Robert so he could look at him closely and saw that he wasn’t the only one affected by their intimacy, Robert’s eyes were dark with passion. Aaron looked at Robert’s plump lips, the hunger burning in his eyes as he moved closer so he could kiss Robert only for Robert to draw back at the last moment and leave him feeling bereft.

Aaron stared at Robert, his eyes showing his confusion and hurt. He looked to Robert for guidance, an explanation as to what he had done wrong. Robert caressed his cheek and smiled at him. “Soon, I promise, but not tonight. I’m not ready yet”.

Aaron felt a weight lift of his shoulders and he tentatively smiled back at his husband. He tried to calm himself down, get back to firmer ground but he wasn’t sure how to respond to what had just happened, Robert might not have rejected him ‘forever’, he had said as much, that it was just down to timing but he had still been knocked back and it smarted. 

Aaron decided to let the matter drop, on closer inspection Robert did look shattered and it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to start an embarrassing conversation when it didn’t look like he had the energy for it. He elected to smooth things over and get them back to safer topics. “Are you going to be okay the next couple of days?”

Robert smiled. “I’ll muddle through somehow”.

Robert saw the concern flicker in Aaron’s eyes and he quickly added. “I will be fine Aaron, I have so much to do that I won’t have time to wallow in self pity and before I know it it will be Thursday and I’ll be back home so everybody can take care of me”.

Aaron nodded. “Okay, but you do know that I’ll come with you if you want me to, that I’ll keep you company if that’s what you need?”.

Robert gently laughed. “You’re as bad as my son, he was hell bent on coming with me to but as I explained to him my feet won’t touch the ground when I arrive in London, I won’t have a moment to myself and if I did I have lots of friends there that can babysit me if the need arises”.

Aaron took umbrage at Robert’s answer, he was well and truly miffed. His voice was raised slightly as he replied. “I just needed to check alright, you’ll have to forgive me about worrying about you and how you’re coping but if your friends are there I guess you won’t need me at all”.

Robert grew pensive after Aaron’s tirade. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I wasn’t appreciative of your concern and that I didn’t need you”. 

Robert reflected on how the day had gone and added. “I know today hasn’t been a bundle of laughs for either of us, but then it never was going to be though was it, picking up my grandmother’s casket and then if that wasn’t enough you’ve had my relations to cope with, I’m in no double that they gave you the third degree in my absence and then to top it off Seb had a meltdown. Its been far from perfect”. 

Robert laughed softly. “I’m surprised you haven’t run a mile”.

Aaron laughed back, the tension completely diffused now after Robert had placated him. “Your joking aren’t you, today was just another normal day for us...”

Aaron grew serious as he continued to talk. “You know, I haven’t minded any of what life has chucked at us today, quite the opposite in fact. In a weird way its made me feel good, knowing that I’ve been there for you, been able to help”.

Aaron laughed before continuing. “...and just to put your mind at rest I can tell you that I think me and your family have reached an understanding, they are going to let me be with you providing I don’t screw things up and as an incentive for me getting things right I get to live as well”.

Robert started to chuckle. “Sounds like you’ve had some interesting conversations when my back’s been turned”.

Robert grew serious again. “You right though, about today, its been weird but I’m glad that you were with me, it was like old times having you by my side again”.

Robert continued, his voice little more than a whisper. “I’ve missed that so much”.

Aaron gulped. He felt like crying, out of the blue Robert had wrecked him. He fought against the tears as he spoke. “Well that’s all in the past now, I’m back and I’m never going to leave you again”.

Robert felt himself begin to well up. He clenched and unclenched his jaw until he gained his self control again. He could only manage one word. “Good”.

Aaron sniffed. “We are a right pair aren’t we, both of us getting all emotion, we’re turning into a right pair of soppy gits”.

Robert nodded in agreement. “Its been that kind of day”.

Aaron nodded. “So after London what’s next on the agenda?”.

Robert grimaced as he remembered what was next. “Andy. I need to see him to discuss the final details regarding gran’s funeral so he can liaise with Diane and Vic, all being well I should be able to get that done on Thursday morning so that will leave me the rest of the day to myself to recover from having to contend with whatever crap he no doubt will throw my way”.

Robert perked up a bit as he went on to talk about more enjoyable things to come. “Then on Friday I have a meeting in Leeds which should take me up to late afternoon and then thankfully after that the weekend can start, although I’m not going to be able to chill much. Kathy is flying in from Australia early Saturday morning and then there is going to be a big family lunch on Sunday that will extend into the evening so I’ll be cooking and entertaining most of the day”.

Aaron smirked. “Nothing much on then, you know you are turning into a right lazy git”.

Robert laughed.

Aaron grew serious. “So anything else you’re planning to do in your spare time?”.

Robert smiled. “I haven’t forgotten you if that’s what you’re hinting at”.

Robert took a deep breath. “As I said I don’t have any high hopes that Andy is going to be very civil, far from it as I’m sure Diane and Vic will have filled him in on all my latest exploits. No doubt he will bless me with his opinions Jack Sugden style so if you would like to come round in the afternoon and cheer me up and then stay for dinner later on that would be perfect”

Robert stopped, there was still a tiny bit of doubt in his mind as to whether he was doing the right thing, after all it had only been this morning when he had been prevaricating about Aaron with Harry but after today he knew that he finally had come to terms with what he truly wanted. “This morning, my head was all over the place, I still wasn’t sure if you and me would be able to work again, I think it was because I was afraid, afraid of opening myself up to have my heart broken again but after today I can no longing lie to myself about what I want and its you Aaron. I want you back, in my life and in my bed for the rest of our naturals lives”.

Robert saw Aaron’s face light up, saw the happiness radiating in his eyes and he was quick to calm him down before his emotions ran wild. “I’m still not entirely ready to jump in with both feet but I want to test the waters, so if you would like to and you can say no if you wish, I want you to come and stay with me for the weekend and. meet the rest of my family”.

Robert paused a moment. There was one more thing he needed to say that he knew Aaron wouldn’t like. “There is one thing though, I’m not ready to share a bed with you so if you agree to stay it will have to be separate rooms for now”

Aaron was disappointed with the last suggestion but he tried not to show it. He knew that Robert wanted him and he wanted Robert so a part of him couldn’t understand why they should wait any longer but he kept quiet, not wanting to ruin things and if he was being honest with himself he had already made more progress today than he had ever dreamed was going to be possible so he took a grip of his feelings, all he needed to just do was be patient a little bit longer. He waited for Robert to continue.

Robert carried on. “If its okay with you how about you come and stay from Thursday onwards, I know that I’m going to be out most of Friday but you could just chill until I get back, maybe explore the house if you want to, see if it meets with your approval”. The last comment was said with a smile.

Robert carried on. “I know that its a downside to the weekend that we are not going to get much time alone, what with all my relatives around we will be hard pressed to get five minutes together on our own but there will be a plus side to it all”.

Robert grew serious as he continued. “I want you to become part of my life, my whole life not just the compartmentalised one we had before. I want you to see me in all my entirety. I want you to get to know my relatives and my friends, see the world I live in not just as it was in Emmerdale but London as well”. 

Robert finished by saying. “I never want to keep secrets from you ever again, I want you to see all of me not just the parts I let you see before”.

Aaron smiled. He felt overwhelmed by what Robert had said, it meant the world to him. He looked Robert in the eye as he replied “That’s what I want to, for us to be honest with each other, no more secrets”.

Aaron laughed as he added flippantly. “Anyway you know you could invite the world and his dog to stay and it wouldn’t put me off wanting to spend the weekend with you”.

Robert smiled, it lit up his eyes. He knew that there was still so much to talk about but he suddenly felt tired. He reasoned that there was no rush to iron out all the nitty-gritty of integrating Aaron into his life, they would have plenty of time in the future to sort things out so he put future problems to one side so he could concentrate on the present. “In that case that’s settled. Thursday it is”.

Robert started to yawn. Aaron looked closely at him and noticed his fatigue, as much as he didn’t want to go he took the hint that it was time to leave and let Robert get a good nights sleep. “I think that’s my cue to be off”.

Robert yawned again. “I guess so, although I’m not sure of I want to let you go just yet”

Aaron smiled. “I know how you feel, but it is getting late and you really do need to sleep, your shattered”.

Robert nodded. “Okay, message received, I guess I better show you out before temptation sets in”.

Robert suddenly stopped in his tracks. “How are you going to get home though”.

Aaron sworn under his breath, he had forgotten that Liv had dropped him off in Hotten. “I can walk, it’s not that far”.

Robert shook his head. “No way, not in the dark along narrow country lanes. Come on I’ll drop you off at the Mill”.

It was Aaron’s turn to shake his head. “No way. You need to get to bed and get some much needed sleep and anyway, the last thing you need after the day you’ve just had is taking me to Emmerdale, imagine if we were spotted. No its out of the question”. 

Robert thought about the problem for a moment and then got out his phone and dialled Harry. When his nephew picked up he asked if he could drive Aaron home. Much to his relief Harry agreed and said that he would ready in five minutes.

Robert walked Aaron downstairs to the front door. He stopped just in front of it and pulled Aaron into his arms and kissed him. Aaron responded before he reluctantly broke the contact. He looked up and smiled at Robert, despite everything the day had thrown at them, the drama, the tears and the angst he was elated, he felt like he was walking on air because at long last he was going to get Robert back again. He kissed Robert one last time and said his goodbyes. There was a massive smile on his face as he left to get into Harry’s car.

Robert watched Aaron get in the car so Harry could drive him home. He stayed until the car was out of sight, then locked the door and made his way inside. He quickly went to see Sandie and James to wish them goodnight before going back upstairs to check on Seb before he went to bed. To Robert’s relief his son was fast asleep, he kissed him tenderly on the top of his head and made made his way to Annie’s room before he remembered that Priya had taken her so he could get some uninterrupted sleep. The guilt hit him, since his daughter had been born he hadn’t spent that much time with her for one reason or another, he hated being apart from her just as much as he hated being apart from Seb but the way things were panning out it would be at least another week before things got back to normal and he could be the father he wanted to be again. 

Robert sighed to himself as he made his way to his bedroom, he thought that his life wasn’t always a bed of roses despite all the comforts of life he enjoyed, there was always something to worry about, but then perversely he knew he would probably be bored if everything was perfect all the time but just once it a while it thought that a bit of dullness wouldn’t come amiss and of course long leisurely days with his husband would be nice to.

Robert last conscious thoughts were of Aaron and the future that lay ahead of them, he realised that his carefully constructed life was about to implode, that Aaron would smash a wrecking ball thought it but he just didn’t care. Aaron was never going to be easy, if fact he was far from it, he was messy, demanding and moody and god knows how he was going to cope when he meet his ‘London’ friends, that was going to be interesting to say the least but he realised he couldn’t wait to see how it was all going to pan out. 

Robert sighed deeply as he thought of all the problems that he knew would crop up, he smiled knowingly to himself, he was about to embark on a hell of a ride once more and he relished everything that it entailed. He yawned again and tightly closed his eyes, he forced tomorrows problems out of his mind as he let himself succumb to the much needed sleep that it so desperately needed. 

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Aaron got out of the car, said his thanks and goodbyes to Harry and made his way to the Mill. He was walking down the path when a man stepped out in front of him. Aaron was startled, he went into a defensive mode until he managed to work out that it was only Cain. Aaron swore out loud. “What the hell are you playing at, you scared me half to death appearing out of the blue like that”.

Cain looked sternly at his nephew, there was menace in his voice as he replied. “I could say the same to you. What the hell are you playing at Aaron?”.

Aaron was nonplussed. He looked at Cain questioningly. Cain elaborated. “I saw you with Sugden, I know that you are back with him”.

Aaron gasped. He froze, not knowing what to say. Cain glared at him. “I think you need to start talking, right now”.

Aaron racked his brain for something to say. “Its not as bad as you think”.

Cain snorted incredulously. “Really. Your seriously telling me its not bad. You had your tongue down Sugden’s throat and that’s okay in your world is it, because it sure as hell is not alright in mine or the rest of the family’s come to that. Your mum is going to do her nut”.

Aaron started to get angry. He went on the attack. “What gave you the right to spy on me, you are well out of order, poking your nose in things that are none of your business, so just back off and do one. I don’t need you telling me what I can and can’t do with my life”.

Cain sneered at his nephew, he ignored most of what he had just said. “Your mum made it my business, she was worried about you, said that you had been acting all weird, then she heard that Sugden was back and everything started to make sense, so she asked me to keep an eye on you, see what you were up to...”.

Cain shook his head. “...and she was right to wasn’t she, I mean how stupid are you, why the hell would you want to go back to him after everything he’s put you through, he’s a lying cheating piece of scum that any sane person would avoid like the plague”. 

Cain added “Wait till I tell your mum, she is going to go ballistic”.

Aaron felt sick inside. He cursed his luck, why was this happening now when everything had been going so well. “You can’t tell her, Cain, please you just can’t alright, you’ll ruin everything”.

Cain tutted Aaron. He saw that he had gained the advantage over his nephew and pressed it home. “Alright, let play this your way. You give me one good reason why I shouldn’t tell my sister what you have been up to”.

Aaron was feeling desperate, he knew that the last thing Robert needed was his family braying for his blood what with everything that was going on and he was fearful that if they did kick off it could make Robert think twice about them getting back together again, that it would make him believe that he was to much hassle after all and Aaron knew that was the last thing that he wanted to happen because he knew beyond all doubt that it would kill him if he lost Robert for good. “I made a mistake, Robert didn’t cheat on me after all”.  
Cain was stunned by the reply. “He tell you that did he?”.   
Cain sighed in exasperation as he continued his salvo. “God how stupid are you, what kind off bullshit has he been brainwashing you with to make you believe such crap. You do know that everything he had been telling you is complete and utter rubbish”.   
Cain hissed out his next words as his patient finally snapped. “Why is it that everybody else but you can see that Sugden is nothing more than a liar and a cheat”.   
When Aaron remained irritatingly silence Cain angrily spat out the rest of what he had to say. “You know you are really pathetic if you believe him or maybe you have become so desperate for his cock that you can’t think straight any more, either way you need protecting from yourself before you come to harm”.

Aaron may have stood his ground but he was seething inside. Had it been anybody but Cain talking to him like that he would have decked them. He almost shouted his answer back at Cain before he realised that he didn’t want anybody to hear and managed to lower his voice in time. He gritted his teeth as he replied. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again. I’m a grown man and I can make my own mind up about what to think, I don’t need telling by you or anybody else about what to do with my life. Anyway with your track record and my mum’s come to that you are the last people on earth to give anyone advice, so mind your own business”.

Cain shook his head. “You can fool yourself all you want but Ellis was there as well remember, he saw Robert all over that bloke, so how do you explain that away Aaron?”.

Aaron suddenly felt deflated, he was never going to get through to Cain unless he told him the truth. He just hoped Robert would understand. “That’s easy because the man he was with happened to be his nephew”.

Cain wasn’t buying it. He laughed out loud. “Seriously? Are you for real, is that what he told you, his nephew”. 

Cain laughed again. “How dumb are you, for Christ’s sake the bloke was nearly as old as he was” 

Aaron felt the walls cave in around him. He couldn’t believe that it had only been a few minutes since he had left Robert. He had been elated knowing that he was on the verge of getting his life back on track and now this was happening. Why did Cain have to ruin his mood. He looked closely at his uncle and realised that at that moment he hated him for interfering in his life. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to him but he knew he didn’t have much of a choice. “Robert’s mother had three grown up children from a previous marriage when she married Jack Sugden, the bloke Ellis and I saw Robert with was his sister Sandie’s son, Harry Morgan”

Cain whistled, this was a turn up for the books. He knew instinctively that Aaron was telling the truth but it had been the last thing he had expected to hear. He was intrigued. “I think you and me could do with a little chat don’t you”

Cain indicated that Aaron should follow him and they made their way to his car and got in. Once they were settled Cain glared at his nephew, trying to unsettle him into coughing up the truth. “So start talking”.

Aaron drew in a deep breath, he had decided that he wasn’t going to let Cain bully him, that he was only going to talk to him on his terms..“Before I tell you anything you have to promise me that it will stay between us”.

Cain thought about it. “I can’t do that. If something happens to you and I didn’t do anything to stop it I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. How could I ever look my sister in the eye again knowing that I had failed her son”.

Aaron groaned out loud. “Nothing is going to happened to me alright, I promise you I am going to be fine”. 

Cain thought about it. “Say I buy what you have just said, that everything is going to be okay it still doesn’t give me any reason to stay quiet. So here’s the thing if you want me to keep your secret you are going to have to come up with a damn good argument for doing so, so start talking”.

Aaron took a deep breath. He knew the deal was as good as he was going to get. “I got it all wrong Cain, Robert didn’t cheat on me”

Aaron had to stop to compose himself. “When I think back to that night it still haunts me, the number of times I’ve wished that I could turn the clock back and do things differently. All I had to do was talk to Robert, but I didn’t, I let my insecurities get the better of me, I worked myself up into a frenzy and I did what I always do when I’m hurt, I lashed out at the person I loved the most in the world”.

Aaron paused, he could feel the tears building up behind his eyes. “Why couldn’t I have talked to him Cain, why did I have to ruin everything”

Cain stayed quiet, it had been a rhetorical question that he didn’t need to answer

Aaron wiped away his tears. “I destroyed my marriage, but now by some miracle I get to have another chance to make things right again and its what I want more than anything else in this world, to be with Robert again”

Cain rubbed his forehead, his brain was spinning with the all the revelations. “I still don’t get how you two met up again, from what I heard Sugden had disappeared off the face of the earth, nobody heard a squeak out of him after he left Emmerdale”.

Aaron let out a long breath, he noticed the change in Cain voice, it was less aggressive and he grew hopeful that things might just turn out okay in the end. “I bumped into Robert when I went to talk to that toff he appointed to manage the scrap business”

Cain was still perplexed. “I don’t see how that lead to you bumping into him?”.

Aaron grimaced, damn Cain and his suspicious mind, he wasn’t going to be able to get away without telling him everything. “Because Robert is one of the owners of the company that the toff works for, he dropped in at the office unannounced, nobody was expecting him and we just saw each other”.

Cain looked shell shocked. “You’ve lost me now. As far as I was aware after Tate fleeced him of his shares in Home James Sugden no longer owned any company”.

Aaron froze. Cain had hit the nail on the head. He steeled himself to confess all. “Because all the companies that Robert owns are registered under his real surname”.

Cain was bemused, he managed a half hearted laugh. “Yeah right”

Cain quickly added. “So who is he meant to be then when he’s not being Robert Sugden?”.

Aaron looked at Cain for a long time before he blurted out the truth. “Robbie Merrick”.

Cain gasped out loud in shock, he was totally dumbfounded by what Aaron had said. He racked his brain to try and make sense of it all but failed miserably. He didn’t believe it, no way could it possibly be true.

Aaron laughed ruefully. “I know, its a lot to take in, I remember when I found out over a year ago it did my head in, that’s why I had to go to France, to get away from everything, I couldn’t bear being anywhere that reminded me of him”.

Cain managed to recover his power of speech. “You want to talk about it”.

Aaron shook his head. “No”.

Cain let out a sigh of relief to be let of the hook, he didn’t do all the touchy feely stuff. “So, where do I start. I know, how did you find out your husband was a multi- millionaire businessman”

Aaron started to laugh at the absurdity of it all and Cain joined in. It was a surreal moment for both of them.

Cain started to laugh again when a thought occurred to him. “You do realise that the whole village thinks that Sugden’s shacked up with Robbie Merrick up at the big house and that they are shagging each other senseless”.

Aaron smiled. “You couldn’t write it, could you”

Cain was thoughtful for a moment as he tried to process what he had heard. “You want to fill in some gaps, say from the time you and Sugden, Merrick whatever he calls himself split up?”.

Aaron nodded. “A few months after Robert and me split up Faith and Liv bumped into him at a coffee shop. They saw him with Harry, that’s the bloke remember that I told you I had seen him with and they found out he was Robert’s nephew. They told me I had got it wrong about Robert cheating on me. It was about the same time Homes James was going bust and Jimmy told me that Whittaker’s had made him an offer and he was seriously thinking about accepting. I remembered that Robert had done a lot of work for them so I got suspicious about whether he had played any part in damaging Home James because of how Nicola had conned him out of his shares and then sacked him after he had been ill. Robert had also told me a lot about his past when he wasn’t in Emmerdale so I had info from what he had told me. After Jimmy had spoken to me something began to bug me. I goggled Whittaker’s and there was a story about how the company had been bought by Robbie Merrick. Anyway to cut a long story short it lead me to finding out that Robert was Robbie Merrick. I went online and googled Robbie Merrick, in one article I saw a photo of him and I realised that I wasn’t crazy after all”.

Aaron paused to get his breath. “It did my head in. I realised that my relationship with Robert had been built on a lie right from the very start. I couldn’t hack it so I legged it to France to sort my head out”.

Aaron halted for a moment, telling all was making him relive the pain he had been in back then. “Just before Christmas as I said we bumped into each other. I don’t know which one of us was the most shocked, anyway we ended up talking, well rowing if I’m being honest but once we got things of our chests we started talking and again to cut a long story short we both admitted that despite everything we still loved each other. I then blurted out that I wanted him back and since then we have been getting to know each other again”.

Cain sat quietly as he though about everything he had heard, it was a hell of a lot to take in. “It must have been really tough dealing with this all on your own”. 

Aaron nodded.

Cain looked closely at his nephew, he wanted to see how he reacted when he asked him his next batch of questions. “Do you really think that you can make a go of things with Robert, I mean he’s not the person you thought he was is he and I would imagine that he’s been living a completely different life to the one he had in Emmerdale. It will be a whole new world for you. One that you know nothing about and have no experience of”.

Aaron smiled. “Yes, I really do believe we can make a go of it”. 

Aaron saw the sceptical look in Cain’s eyes and tried to get him to understand how he felt. “I’m not going into this with my eyes shut, I’m not that stupid Cain. I know things are going to be tough at first because as you said so much has changed in Robert’s world, he has a different lifestyle and his friends are people that belong to a class that I have never mixed with before, they’re all rich and successful and I guess that they will look down their noses at me. You know that when I first stepped foot in Mere Place it blew my mind, I felt so uncomfortable, like I didn’t belong there but I have been there a few more times since and each time its getting easier to relax, to feel at home. A lot of that is down to Robert, when I am with him nothing else matters, I forget where I am and just concentrate on him”. 

Aaron paused to gather more thoughts. “I’m sure at first its going to be weird living in a mansion, I mean I’m Aaron Dingle for gods sake, I’m just an ordinary bloke from a very ordinary background, I haven’t been brought up in a world where money is no object but then nor was Robert yet he has managed to adapt and I will to because I know that he is never going to return to the Mill and Emmerdale so its the price I have to pay to be with him”.

Cain sat quietly for a moment. “So you really think that you can do all that for him”.

Aaron nodded. “With all my heart”.

Cain reflected on what Aaron had told him, it made his brain hurt and he realised he needed time to think things through more carefully, to take everything in. “Okay, this is what’s going to happen. I won’t tell your mum about what I saw but you will, you are going to tell her the truth about Robert”

Aaron nodded. “Look I am going to tell her, but I need you to give me some time. Robert’s really stressing out about Annie’s Sugden’s funeral, he just wants everything to go as smoothly as it can and he’s not in the right frame of mind to deal with the fallout of everybody finding out he’s Robbie Merrick. Its not just mum that will kick off, his Emmerdale family will to so if you could keep schtum until after the funeral it would be in everybody’s best interests”.

Cain sighed. “Okay, its a deal, but as soon as the funeral is over you both have to come clean, because if not I will on your behalf”

Aaron let out a sigh of relief. 

Cain shook his head. “Now get out of my car before I change my mind...”.

Aaron was about to open the door when Cain asked him another question. “There’s nothing else that you haven’t told me is there?”.

Aaron froze. He shook his head. There was no way he was going to explain about Holey Scrap and how much money he was now worth. “No”.

Cain gave his a piercing look. He seemed to be on the verge of calling him out but he then changed his mind. “If I find out you’ve been lying to me...”.

Cain shook his head. He had a suspicion that there was something else that Aaron wasn’t telling him about but it was getting late and he could always ask him tomorrow. “Just go, get out of my sight before I change my mind about keeping quiet”.

Aaron didn’t have to be told twice, he got out of the car and made his way home. He knew that he needed to text Robert, tell him about what had happened but decided to hold back, Robert had enough on his plate without worrying about this latest development and besides he believed Cain when he said that he would keep quiet for a while. 

A part of him started to worry about Cain’s motives, he hadn’t been one of Robert greatest fans in the past but then he cynically thought how people liked even the most horrible of people when they had a few quid in their pocket and in Robert’s case he had money to burn, not that he was going to stand by and let his family fleece Robert when they found out how rich he was, no way was that going to happen, if it came down to it he would sort them out with his own money.

Aaron started to smile as he approached the Mill, he knew he was being malicious but he couldn’t help himself. Just one more week and the smug looks would be wiped off everybody’s faces when they found out who Robert really was. He knew that he was going to enjoy seeing them squirm and then he was going to make it his mission to rub their noses in it, make they pay for all the vile things they had said about his husband.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Thursday 13th January 2022

Robert drank his third cup of coffee, the caffeine buzz was finally kicking in and beginning to do the trick of bringing him back to the land of the living. He yawned for the umpteenth time, an outward sign that he had pushed himself to the limit once more. If he was being honest with himself he knew that he had overdone things, the last two days had been hectic and he hadn’t had a moment to himself and scant sleep to boot, to push things even further he had driven home late on the Wednesday night, getting home in the small hours so he could have the morning at home and get to be there for Seb. 

Robert sighed, things would get better and apart from a meeting on Friday he had free days ahead of him where he could rest up and get some normalcy back in his life before the funeral.

Robert checked his watch and realised that he only had another thirty minutes of peace before the proverbial in all probability was going to hit the fan in the shape of his adopted brother, Andy.

Robert sighed loudly, in truth he wasn’t looking forward to meeting his so called brother, whilst they hadn’t parted on that bad a terms five years ago he was under no illusion that the goodwill that he had engendered when he’d helped Andy abscond from being stitched up on a false attempted murder charge would still be in place.

Robert recollected how his unlamented ex-wife Chrissie had tried to frame Andy for the attempted murder of her father Lawrence White. Robert had done everything he could to clear Andy’s name, eventually finding out that Chrissie had been acting out of spite, wanting to hurt Andy for sleeping with his step sister Bernice and also as an added bonus to protect her psychotic son who had been the real perpetrator.

Robert sighed yet again, he was sure that his endeavours would all be forgotten, from bitter memory lasting gratitude wasn’t something that his Sugden family were big on where he was concerned, it was often fleeting and all to soon they went back to their default mode of choosing to believe the worst of him when anything he was involved in kicked off. He bitterly recalled how they had taken Aaron’s side when they were told that he had cheated on him, he hadn’t for one moment forgotten the vile voice mails and texts they had bombarded him with.

Robert shook the negative thoughts from his mind, he tried to direct his attention to other matters that were less contentious than his estranged Emmerdale family. He reached for the folder in front of him, he opened it up and scanned the pages inside, making one last check so he could put his mind at rest that the itinerary and supplementary instructions for Annie’s funeral were spot on. Robert was under no illusions as to how his Sugden family would perceive the arrangements he had made, no doubt they would find fault with what he had done but it was all in accordance with what Annie wanted so they would just have to lump it as he was in no mood to kowtow to any alternate demands they might make.

All to soon the intercom rang and Robert reluctantly opened the gate to allow Andy to gain access to the house.

Robert opened the door and the two brothers stood face to face, they took their time silently sizing each other up before Robert remembered his manners and invited Andy in.

Robert led the way to the conservatory, as he did so he allowed himself a self satisfied smirk, out of the two of them he thought that he had definitely aged the best and he was in much better physical condition to boot, he knew that it was childish of him, that it was petty and he should know better but nevertheless he couldn’t help enjoying the fact that he had got one up on his dad’s golden boy, the other man’s son that Jack Sugden had always put first ahead of his own flesh and blood. 

Andy followed Robert into the house, as he walked his eyes took in his surroundings. The further he went into the bowels of the house the more he started to seethe, it was so typical of Robert, whatever life threw at him he always came up smelling of roses and he resented it with a burning passion, he lamented to himself as to why Robert always had to be the one that ended up on top, it had been bad enough when he had lorded it all over them when he lived at Home Farm but this place looked in a different league, it might not be quite as big but he felt it was vastly superior to the sprawling jinx ridden monstrosity that he had once called home as well. 

As Andy sat in the conservatory waiting for Robert to return with coffee his bitterness began to overflow. Why should his brother be the recipient of all this luxury, it wasn’t fair, Robert ruined everybody’s lives yet he always ended up okay himself, more than okay from what he had seen, his blood began to boil. He tried to calm himself, he had promised Diane and Vic that he would be civil, that he wouldn’t kick off but that promise was proving increasingly hard to keep.

Andy sour thoughts were interrupted as Robert came back with the coffee. Andy sneered at what he saw in front of him, a tray bearing nice cups and a cafetière, nothing so mundane as instant coffee in mugs for the jumped up farmer’s boy who liked to put on airs and graces and make out that he was better than everybody else when the truth was that he was a worthless nobody that leeched off other people. 

Andy shuddered to think what his dad would have made of all this. He knew for a start that he would be disgusted at what his son had become, a cheap self serving schemer that had sold himself body and soul for money. 

Andy took time to reminisce about his dad, Jack Sugden had been a man with strong principles, a decent man with a cast iron sense of right and wrong, he had been a pillar of the community, respected and revered by all not like the immoral lowlife that he had been cursed to have as a son, a man who shamed the Sugden name and was despised by all the decent folk in the village because of his repellent behaviour.

The more Andy thought about it the more everything about Robert was starting to offend him, there was the immaculate hair, the light tan, the expensive clothes that displayed his toned body to perfection, everything grated on him and to cap it all off as if that wasn’t enough to have put his teeth on edge there was his attitude, he had this nonchalant, self entitled manner about him that gave out the impression that he owed the place when in fact he was nothing more than a leech that had latched on to a very lucrative meal ticket in the shape of a stupid, gullible old rich man called Robbie Merrick. Andy wondered how a man with the reputation he apparently was said to have had had the lack of judgement and poor taste to have inexplicitly fallen for his brother’s dubious charms.

Robert glanced surreptitiously at Andy as he returned with the coffee, a sixth sense warned him that things had gone downhill fast, he was at a loss to understand why but there was definitely a belligerent look in Andy’s eyes that spoke of troubled waters ahead.

Robert placed the tray down and poured them coffee. He took his time, allowing himself a moment longer to steel himself for what he expected was going to be the inevitable unpleasantness that sadly always seemed to be flare up between them when they were in each other company. 

Robert handed Andy a coffee and then sat opposite him, finally ready to face the music. He decided to try and kick things off in a cordial manner. “So how have the intervening years been since we last saw each other?”.

Andy couldn’t believe his ears, his brother of all people seemed to want to make polite conversation with him of all people. It added to his simmering feelings of resentment, since when had Robert ever given a damn about him. There was a nasty edge to his voice as he replied. “Not as well as you by the look of things”.

Robert sighed to himself, so much for hoping that the impossible might happened and they could be civilised like normal people. He took a deep breath and steeled himself against all the crap coming his way. “So this is what its going to be like is it, you making snide remarks all the time”.

Robert followed that up by adding. “All I want to do is sort out the last details of gran’s funeral in a civilised fashion so her last wishes can be adhered to, so for her sake can we stop making this about us, I mean is that really to much to ask?”.

Andy ignored Robert’s entreaties and carried, the contempt heavy in his voice. “This is what I don’t get, what gave you the right to take over all the arrangements for gran’s funeral. Everything should have been left to Diane, Vic and me, not you”.

Robert harden himself against the onslaught. “It was gran actually that gave me the right, it was one of her dying wishes that I arrange the funeral. If you don’t believe me then ask her solicitor, its down in black and white if his word isn’t good enough for you”.

Andy shook his head in disgust. “If she knew the truth about you she would never have left her funeral in your hands, she would have been disgusted with you and what you’ve become”.

Robert tried to bit his tongue but it was no use, Andy always managed to get under his skin and today was not proving to be an exception to the rule. “Whatever your feelings on the matter are that is exactly what she did, she left me to sort out the funeral and her personal affairs because I was the one person left in the family that she trusted to get it right”. 

Robert sighed, he was fast losing his patience with his recalcitrant brother. “So lets start discussing the funeral arrangements. The sooner we start the sooner we can be relieved of each other company which judging by how it’s gone so far will be a blessing for both of us”.

Andy stared open mouthed at his brother. All his old feeling of hatred towards Robert bubbled up to the surface. He always had to be the one calling the shots. The great I am with his smug sense of entitlement, always thinking he was better than him. “How do you live with yourself?”.

Robert was nonplussed by the question that to his way of thinking had come out of the blue. He sighed yet again. “What is that meant to mean?”

Andy sneered at him. “You really have to ask. Just look at you living in clover as if you were born to it, but then its you all over, you go through life taking what you want, leaving havoc in your wake and never giving a damn about the consequences and the people you hurt. Why do you always end up landing on your feet?”.

Andy paused to gather his breath. “Did you know that Aaron’s back in the village. Diane and Vic told me that he was so heartbroken after he found out that you had been cheating on him he had to leave Emmerdale because it was the only way he could get you out of his head. Everybody is worried sick about the effect its going to have on him, knowing that you are here living with your sugar daddy, not that you would give a damn about his feelings after the way you so callously treated him”.

Andy paused before continuing his final onslaught. “You’re disgusting. It was bad enough when you waltzed back in the village with the Whites, lauding it all over everybody like Lord Muck because you lived at Home Farm but this is even worse. You have humiliated Diane, Vic and me, made us the laughing stock of the village because we have the misfortune to be related to you”. 

Andy glared at Robert, the naked hatred evident on his face as he delivered the final blow. “You know that both Dad and Sarah are turning over in their graves at what you have become, they would both be so ashamed of you, you are a disgrace to the Sugden name and the last person on earth that Annie should have let loose with her funeral is a filthy whore like you, you’ll make a mockery of it and her legacy”.

At that moment James returned to the room after spending time in Robert’s library selecting a book to read. He had stayed at home that morning, citing to Sandie that he didn’t want to leave Robert alone in the house with Andy having heard from Harry the gory details of their various feuds in years gone by. It had made him worry that the hothead might try and harm Robert and he determined that he wasn’t going to stand by and let it happen under any circumstances. He caught Andy’s last sentence in all its ugly glory and seethed at what he heard.

James looked from brother to brother, saw the angry contorted face of the man he assumed was Andy and the anger and hurt on his brother-in-law’s face. Before he could say a word Andy launched a salvo at him. “You must want your head tested, dirtying yourself on a piece of scum like him, he doesn’t give a damn about you, all you are to him is a meal ticket, he’ll fleece you dry for everything he can and then dump you when he gets what he wants”.

James was stopped in his tracks, he was speechless for a moment as he tried to work out what had just happened. It took a moment for his addled brain to work then it hit him, Andy thought he was Robbie Merrick. His temper ignited, “How dare you come into this house and speak to both Robert and me the way you just have. You have no right to take the moral high ground, throwing your vile accusations around after everything you have done in your life and believe me I know all the gory details and you know what the worst part is, you are totally clueless, you don’t know the first thing about me yet you think you have the right to judge me and make your vile insinuations”

Andy stood his ground. “I know exactly who you...”.

James interrupted. “I beg to disagree on that, if you knew who I was you wouldn’t have said what you just did”.

James glared at Andy. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell him a few home truths. He glanced over at Robert and saw him shake his head, as if he had read his mind and knew what he was about to do. He bit his tongue, he knew that Robert was adamant about keeping things under wraps until after the funeral so he reluctantly backed down and kept the peace. One thing though that he was aware of, it was that if Andy didn’t leave immediately he wouldn’t be responsible for his own actions. “I think you need to leave now, right this minute”.

Andy glared back at him. “That the first thing you’ve said that I agree with, I can’t stand being in this house a moment longer”. 

Andy added nastily. “The pair of you deserve each other, your both as vile as each other, you make me sick to my stomach”.

Before James could respond Andy turned on his heels and left, the only problem was that he didn’t know where he was going and kept going the wrong way. It didn’t help his mood when Robert came up behind him and indicated that he should follow him. Andy seethed as he followed his brother out of house and to the gate. They turned to face each other. 

Andy though he detected a look of sadness in Robert’s eyes as his brother faced him. His words back up his theory. “This isn’t how I wanted things to go today. Before you came I had determined that I was going to offer you an olive branch, let the past go but you aren’t the least bit interested are you, in letting bygones be bygones”. 

Andy was incredulous. “You expected me to let things go, after everything you have done to ruin my life at every opportunity you’ve had, no way. I hate you and I always will”.

Robert looked sadly at Andy. He recollected what his gran had told him a few weeks again about the lies Andy had told his dad about him when he had been hospitalised shortly after his dad had banished him, lies that had lead his dad to brutally reject him for good when he had never needed him more. “What about all the horrible things you have done Andy, to me and other people. You know it wouldn’t hurt if you developed some self awareness, stopped looking at yourself with rose tinted glasses, but then you don’t have what it takes do you, to think objectively, its easier for you to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in your life instead of realising that you have messed up all on your own most of the time”. 

Robert looked closely at Andy, trying to see if his words had registered but he looked nonplussed as if he hadn’t heard a word that he had just said. Robert sighed to himself, what had he expected, Andy was a lost cause.

Robert ploughed on regardless. “I realise that you, Diane and Vic don’t want me at the funeral but I am going to be there, I promised gran I would and I intend to keep that promise so just for one day I am asking you all to be civil to me, not turn gran’s funeral into a circus, that is the last thing that she deserves, she was Emmerdale’s matriarch and she needs to be laid to rest with dignity and respect”. 

Robert hesitated a moment before he delivered his final message. “When the funeral is over we can then all go our separate ways for good. I have thought long and hard about this because it is a big step for me to take but the truth is that after Monday I don’t ever want to see any of you ever again, you’ll all be dead to me from then on. I don’t suppose any of you will be bothered anyways because I don’t suppose you will want to see me again either”.   
Andy was on the verge of replying when Robert thrust the folder with all the details of Annie’s funeral in his hand and shut the gate on him, bringing their meeting to an abrupt close. 

Andy stood opened mouthed looking at the gate for a moment before he got in his car and left. He cursed himself for kicking off but he hadn’t been able to help himself. Robert had always made him see red. He made his way back to the village so he could fill Diane and Vic in on what had gone on, he didn’t think for one moment they would be impressed with what he had to tell them.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Robert walked back into the house and saw that James was hovering by the door, he realised that James must have followed him as he had walked Andy out, no doubt wanting to keep a watchful eye on proceedings to ensure he came to no harm.

James closely scrutinised Robert, he saw the sadness in his eyes and knew that yet again one of his Sugden family had drawn blood, he closed the gap between them and pulled Robert into his arms and hugged him close. When he felt Robert relax against him he tightened his grip, wanting to give his surrogate son all the comfort he could.

James held Robert for a long time, he instinctively knew that he was in pain and needed time to settle his warring emotions. When he deemed that sufficient time had passed he drew back so he could look Robert in the eye. He tenderly caressed Robert cheek and saw that that simple gesture alone was enough to make him unravel as an errant tear sprang to his eye. He tried to level his voice, take out the anger he was feeling towards Andy Sugden so not to upset Robert further. “I think the time has come when you have to tell everybody the truth about who you really are Robbie, not doing so is causing people to think the very worse of you and its not right what they are saying, its an absolute disgrace, its making my blood boil and I want to strangle the lot of them starting with that arsehole of a so called brother of yours”. 

Robert didn’t trust himself to speak at first, Andy’s brutal verbal assault had shaken him to the core, it took him a while to reply. “I know what you are saying is right, I have let things go to far but the truth is I can’t face telling everybody just yet. Its taking all the emotional strength I have to deal with Annie’s funeral”.

James nodded in agreement, he could see the logic in Robert’s thinking but he needed more. “So once the funeral is over you will sort things out?”

Robert looked James in the eye as he answered him. “I promise you I will”.

James was appeased. “Okay, we’ll leave the matter be for now but mark my words, if you don’t do anything about it I will because I am not going to stand back and see my lad spoken to and treated the way you are being, especially by the likes of your other family and those poisonous bloody villagers”.

Robert nodded, he didn’t trust himself to speak. James pulled him into a hug once more. “You know laddie, Sandie and me, we love you like a son and neither of us are ever going to stand by and see you hurt, not on our watch. We will stand up for you with every fibre of our being because alike those poor apologies of relatives you have in Emmerdale we don’t abandon our own and desert them when they need us”.

Robert felt the tears spring to his eyes. James seeing him struggle immediately went to comfort him. “There, there laddie, everything is going to be alright, we’ll get you through this, I promise”.

Robert let himself relax in James arms, he closed his eyes for a moment, giving himself some respite from worrying about lay ahead before he pulled himself together once more. 

Robert gently pulled away from James’ embrace and wiped the tears away with his hand. He smiled weakly at James and indicated that they should go back into the house. As they walked silently side by side Robert felt his spirits begin to pick up. James in part was responsible for that, his loving support had warmed Robert’s heart, making him feel loved and cared for in a way his dad had never done and on the plus side now he had dealt with Andy that was the last unpleasant hurdle until the funeral itself, he now had a few days to relax with his family and Aaron of course. A smile twitched on Robert’s lips, maybe today had started badly but it had all the ingredients needed for it to finish on a high note in the arms of his husband. 

Robert left James and went to the kitchen to fix them some lunch, whilst he was gone James took the opportunity to call his son Harry and tell him about what had transpired that morning between Robert and Andy. They both agreed that it was the final straw, that something had to be done. After serious thought they both came to the same conclusion, they would let Robert have until the funeral and then if he still prevaricated about revealing his true identity they would take the matters out of his hands. They would tell everybody that he was Robbie Merrick as well as a few other things that needed to be said and unlike Robert they wouldn’t be pulling any punches as they didn’t give a damn if they hurt anybodies feelings along the way.


	25. Annie's Funeral - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of the trilogy - Annie's Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron finally decide whether to get back together again.
> 
> The funeral service for Annie is held.

Chapter 25

Sunday, January 16th, 2022 – Late Evening

Aaron, hoping that there had been a thaw in his husband’s frosty demeanour towards him took the risk of snuggling up closer to Robert, as he did so his elbow caught Robert in the ribs earning him a rebuke from his grumpy husband. Robert rolled over turning his back on Aaron as he edged away from him once more, signifying in no uncertain terms that Aaron wasn’t even close to being forgiven for knocking him back. 

Aaron sighed to himself, he knew that he had done the right thing but it didn’t make him feel any better. He shuffled closer to Robert again, being careful not to align all his body against him and tentatively, reaching out placed a hand on Robert’s hip bone, he whispered in Robert’s ear that he was sorry, that he loved him and that he did want him so very much. Aaron grimaced to himself when no response was forthcoming from his obviously still sulking husband. Aaron waited a while, he began to move his hand slowly along Robert’s side and to his intense relief his hand wasn’t thrust away. He decided to chance his luck and edged closer still until his body moulded around Robert’s, he placed his arm protectively across Robert’s chest holding him tight against him. After a moment he felt Robert relax in his arms and he let out a sigh of pure relief that he was at long last making some progress in restoring harmony between them once more.

Aaron was grateful that on a surface level at least he appeared to have managed to overcome what maybe hadn’t been one of his most tactful moments. Robert had lured him into his bedroom on the pretext of wanting to talk to him away from prying eyes. The speed of what happened next had caught Aaron by surprise, one minute they had sat next to each other talking about the funeral and then before he knew what was happening Robert had pulled him into his arms and kissed him so passionately it has made his stomach lurch in excitement and heightening his sense of anticipation of what was to follow. 

Aaron took a moment to fondly reminisce that the kiss reminded him of the first time that Robert had attacked his mouth, just like at what he thought of as their lay-by in what seemed like a lifetime ago the kiss had been hard and demanding, the assault on his mouth had left him breathless and desperate for more. He had melted in Robert’s embrace, the thrill of having his husband kiss him robbed him of his senses and soon every nerve end he had was on fire as his intense longing for his husband consumed him. He began to return the kiss with the same hunger and ferocity. At the last minute, just before it became to late to stop Aaron came to his senses, he pulled out of his husband’s embrace leaving them both panting deeply to regain their breath. He saw the confusion in Robert’s eyes only for it to be quickly replaced by hurt as he looked quizzically at Aaron, trying to understand what had gone wrong, why Aaron had pushed him away and rejected him.

Aaron had tried to placate Robert, told him that he did want him so very much, that at times he couldn’t think straight because of it but the timing was wrong, that tonight wasn’t the right moment for either of them and in all consciousness he couldn’t let anything happen between them when Robert was in the wrong head space, when he was so emotionally raw and vulnerable, in a state of turmoil because of what he had to face the next day. His entreaties for Robert to understand his reasons had fallen on deaf ears, Robert had got up and locked himself in the bathroom for what had seemed to Aaron liked hours rather than the few minutes it really was.

Aaron had been mortified at first but then his resolve had harden, it decided there was no way that he was going to leave and go to his own room, he instinctively knew that it would have been a disastrous blow to them if he did that, that he needed to tough it out, make Robert understand why he had said no. So in an audacious move he had got into the massive king sized bed and waited until Robert had returned so they could talk things through. 

Aaron feeling that at long last Robert would be receptive to talk to him hesitantly plucked up the courage to speak. “I’m sorry that I handled things so badly, I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you, because I do, its what I want more than anything, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you how many cold showers I’ve had to have lately, how hot and bothered you’ve got me till I think I going to explode with want”.

Robert was non responsive. Aaron tried again. “I know that this will probably sound stupid to you but when we do finally sleep together I want us both to be in a good place and at this moment you are definitely not that, I know you remember, I can tell when you’re not right and you are struggling, your on edge, you think sex is a quick fix into making you feel better but it won’t last and you will be back to square one feeling just as rotten is not worse than before”.

Robert sighed, there was a belligerent tone to his voice as he replied. “The sex would have helped me calm down, taken my mind of things for a few blessed moments of respite from feeling crap”.

Aaron tried not to laugh, it was so typical of Robert, thinking that sex would make him feel better when he knew from past experiences just as he had said himself it would only give him a temporary respite, that whatever was bothering him would come back to haunt him the minute he came back down to earth again from his momentary high. In some ways it sadden him that this brilliant man felt that sex was the answer to make him feel better when if was so definitely not, what he really needed was kindness and compassion, somebody to listen to him and help him work things out. He tightened his hold on Robert and brushed his lips fleetingly across his husband’s beautifully freckled shoulder. “I can make you feel better you know without having sex with you”

Aaron paused a moment, trying to get the words sorted in his head before he spoke. “Deep down I think that what you really need right now is a friend, somebody to talk to and in my case to hold you tight, someone to listen to you and talk things through with you so you can make sense of stuff. I can’t promised that I can fix everything but I can make sure that you realise that you are not alone and that I have got your back, that I will be there to support you in every which way I can”.

Robert sighed. He pulled out of Aaron’s embrace and turned to face him. Aaron saw that Robert looked pensive, he reached out and tenderly caressed his face. Robert’s hand came up and trapped his as it cupped his face. He saw a weak smile cross Robert’s lips and he felt that he was finally managing to reach his husband. Robert’s next words confirmed he was right. “You know me so well, I can’t hide anything from you, can I”. 

There were unshed tears in his eyes as he added “I’ve missed you so much”.

Aaron felt himself welling up as well. “I’ve missed you to and from now on we are never going to be apart again, do you hear me, Mr Merrick, we are going to grow old together, love each other till we are old and grey, until death do us part”.

Robert managed a watery smile. He gently kissed Aaron’s lips before laying his head down on Aaron’s chest. Aaron wrapped his arms around his husband’s body and held him tight against his skin, savouring the feel of his man heavily weighing him down. They lay there for a while, enjoying the perfection of the moment, where no words were necessary to convey how much they loved each other. Robert eventually broke the silence. “I was so proud of you today, it was brilliant, the way that you coped with my family en masse, I know it must have been daunting for you but you really held you own, didn’t let them overawe you and I think that they are finally beginning to see what it was that made me fall in love with you”.

Robert added quickly before Aaron could answer him. “After today I think that they are beginning to fall in love with you to, they’ll soon love you more than me”.

Aaron felt himself redden at his husband’s praise, it gave him a warm glow inside and then it suddenly hit him that once more Robert had implied that others would always be worthy of more love than him. The joy of his husband’s compliment faded, he suddenly felt sad and needed to reassure Robert that he was wrong to think that way. “I’m not so sure about that, they all adore you. I think its going to be a long time before I get anywhere close to how much they all love you, in fact I don’t even think its remotely possible, not from what I witnessed today, first hand”.

Aaron smiled at Robert as he added. “If I’m being honest I was bricking it at the thought of meeting them all, I had definitely prepared myself to dodge a few bullets but after all the worry about how it was all going to kick of in the end I worried myself for nothing, they all couldn’t have been nicer”.

Aaron paused a moment as he reflected on why they had treated him so well. “I think I have you to thank for that, don’t I, did you read them the riot act or something”.

Robert smiled back at Aaron. “I wouldn’t go as far as saying I read them the riot act, I just pointed out that I wanted a nice stress free cordial family meal the night before my gran’s funeral”.

Aaron chuckled. “Well it worked, they were all great”. 

Aaron added shyly. “I know that I have said this before, just a few days ago in fact but I really think that I could get to enjoy being part of this other family of yours, an awful lot to be honest, there’s something about them that just, I don’t know how to put it into words but I felt comfortable with them, that I was among people that would care about me and make me one of their own, protect me from harm”.

Robert smiled broadly, to hear Aaron say that was music to his ears. “I’m really pleased to hear you say that because my Merrick family do play a huge part in my life these days and now that Sandie and James are living with us I suspect that there will be a lot of family gatherings going forwards, in fact I doubt we will get a moment to ourselves at times”.

Aaron grimaced much to Robert’s amusement, he knew what the problem was. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we get some time to have those special moments, when they get to much for you I’ll whisk you away for the weekend, just the two of us in some plush hotel where we can order room service and place a do not disturb sign firmly on the door”.

Aaron smiled at the delightful thought, his husband all to himself and from past experiences he knew exactly what that would entail, a re-enactment of their honeymoon night, his toes curled up in anticipation. “I’ll going to hold you to that, big time, Merrick”.

Aaron sighed contentedly, he was enjoying having Robert in his arms, but in truth though it was a double edged sword, having him in such close proximity was making him wish that he hadn’t been so noble earlier on. He tried to distract himself by talking to Robert about his family. “I noticed at dinner that Kathy seemed to know a lot about Emmerdale. I can’t remember you talking about her much in the past, so I was wondering how she fits into the family”.

Robert murmured contentedly in Aaron’s arms. He was being to thaw out from his previously frosty mood and as such was in an expansive mood. willing to satisfy his husband’s curiosity. “Kathy was once married to my older brother Jackie, the one that died in a shot gun accident when I was three. After Jackie died she was still regarded as part of the family, dad was always looking out for her, I think in his eyes she was still his daughter in law even though his first son was dead. After a period of time she remarried a man called Chris Tate, he was Kim Tate’s stepson and eventually Joe Tate’s father, I think that they were together for about four years until he cheated on her with Rachel Hughes, she was my uncle Joe’s stepdaughter. When I was twelve it was her that I caught kissing my dad, she was the cheap filthy slapper I told you about who helped ruin my parents marriage, trying to get her claws into my dad, not that she was totally to blame, my dad was twice her age and should have known better than to have touched her with a barge pole, she had a track record of being a poisonous tart who latched on to other people’s husbands and destroyed their marriages so he should have steered clear”. 

Robert drew breath before continuing. “Anyway back to Kathy, after she divorced Chris Tate she eventually got married again to a bloke named Dave Glover, they split up briefly when he had an affair with Kim Tate but he realised he had made a big mistake and begged Kathy to take him back, Kathy actually forgave him and they got back together again, however, their happiness was short lived because he tragically died after bravely rescuing Kim’s son James from a fire. I am not sure of the exact details, I was to young to understand what was going on at the time but I was later told that Kim had lied to Dave, told him that James was his son when he was in fact Frank Tate’s to make him risk his life to save her baby”. 

Aaron was dumbstruck. “Wow, where do I start, but at least it explains one thing, why Kathy kept making all those digs about Kim Tate during dinner, it’s no wonder there’s no love lost there”.

Robert hummed as he though about what Aaron had said. “No, there’s not. It wasn’t always like that, to begin with they used to get on, they were even friends when Kathy used to work for her at Home Farm and of course she became family when she married Chris Tate”.

Robert sighed. “I’m just hoping that Kim stays away from the funeral, not that she has any reason after all this time to be there but knowing how twisted the woman’s mind works she might think that because in years gone by she had been a good friend to my uncle Joe she should pay her respects to his mum, a woman that was Emmerdale’s matriarch after all and one that to be fair she would have met several times over the years that she first lived at Home Farm”. 

Robert sighed again, louder this time. “I just don’t trust Kathy not to kick off if she sees her, her hatred for that woman runs deep. There are a lot of other things that Kim did that upset Kathy, lies that she told her to manipulate her for her own ends to save her skin and Kathy has never forgiven her for it, she hated being made a fool of by somebody that she had once thought of as a trusted friend”.

Aaron joined in with the sighing. “Let hoping she stays away, but I think you could be right in the fact that she won’t be able to, there’s no way that she will be able to resist playing lady of the manor and lording it over everybody”. 

Aaron further added as a new thought crossed his mind. “No she will definitely turn up, just for the pure spite of it all so she can ruffle feathers”.

Robert groaned. “I’d really don’t want to think about it any more. It’s not like I don’t have enough to worry about as it is without adding her into the mix”.

Aaron concurred. “Yeah. I hate to say it but I think you have, what with all these relations and friends of yours coming to the funeral tomorrow its going to put the cat well and truly among the pigeons that’s for sure, the villagers are going to think that all their Christmases have come at once, they’ll be gossiping for months”.

Robert let out another groan. “If this is your idea of cheering me up you are failing miserably, I suggest you try harder”. 

Robert added forlornly. “I just wish tomorrow was already done and gone with”.

Aaron kissed Robert tenderly on the head, he started to rub his hand along Robert’s back to calm him, he heard Robert’s soft sighs as he pressed harder against him and swung one leg over his husband’s, trying to gain as much physical contact as possible. Aaron smiled to himself at the sweetness of their intimacy, savouring the silky smooth skin against his body and began to question yet again whether he should have been so noble after all, whether he should have let Robert make love to him and damn the consequences. 

Aaron decided to alter track once more to quell his growing lust. “So tell me about your brother, Tommy”.

Robert somehow managed to snuggled up even closer to Aaron before he replied. “To be honest I didn’t know much about Tommy until I was twenty-one, unlike Jackie and Sandie he had left the village long before I was born. Tommy told me that he had a massive falling out with his dad when he was in his early teens whilst his family were visiting his grandparents in Scotland and to cut a long story short he refused to return home with his parents and stayed put, his grandparent raised him from then on”.

Robert paused, gathering his thoughts. “I first meet Tommy when Harry took me to Scotland to meet my long lost relatives. From our first meeting we struck up a rapport, I guess we had a lot in common, both of us having daddy issues to put it mildly, as the years passed we have become close, really close, I think the world of him. When I bought Whittaker’s nearly two years ago it coincided with him being done the dirty on at the haulage company he had worked tirelessly at for over twenty-five years up in Scotland. It was one of those times when despite something bad happening it all worked out for the best in the end. I offered him the Managing Director’s job at Whittaker’s and he took it, between him and Harry they are doing a brilliant job, they are the perfect management team and the company has gone from strength to strength under their leadership”.

Robert added sadly. “After we split up I lived with him and Marcie for a while in Leeds. They both took care of me when I was ill, I don’t know what I would have done without them. They both looked after Seb when I was to weak to do it myself. Marcie was brilliant with him, she protected him from the horror of my illness, shielded him from the reality that I could die, basically she made everything right until I was well enough to be his dad again”

Robert paused before adding. “I think you could see for yourself how much he adores her”.

Aaron mood turned pensive, the reminder of the past hitting him hard. He ruthlessly brushed it aside, it was no time for him to wallow in self pity, it was Robert and his feelings that were important at this moment in time. “I noticed that he was chatting to her non stop. I don’t think Sandie was to impressed though, I caught the odd sour look directed Marcie’s way”.

Robert chuckled at Aaron’s astute observation. “That’s well spotted. Lets just say that they have a healthy rivalry, neither of them can’t resist the odd dig from time to time”.

Robert stopped a moment to think about how best to describe the reasons behind their rivalry. “I think it just stems from the fact that they are just two different people. Sandie is a no nonsense down to earth kind of person, she has the confidence to take life in her stride and can more than hold her own in any company whereas Marcie is shall we say a little bit more precious and insecure. She had a tough childhood, an abusive dad and an unloving mother. She has had to fight every step of the way to better herself without any support. She put herself through university, got herself a good job, then she met Tommy and for the first time she finally had some love in her life. Over the years as she and Tommy have became more affluent she had become a bit of a snob, she likes to lunch with the right people, wear all the right clothes with the accessories to match and she’s not averse to using my name to enhance her status, modesty aside its made her a very desirable person to know within the circle of ladies she lunches with”. 

Robert halted again, trying to find the right words to do Marcie justice. “But you know that despite all her airs and graces deep down she has a heart of gold, she is a very intelligent woman and has the self awareness to look into the mirror and see herself clearly. She loves her life, realises at times its all a charade but just enjoys it for what it is and has fun”. 

Robert laughed as he added. “Marcie is also very conscious of the fact that Sandie likes to make fun of her so she plays to the gallery, winds her, lives up to being Mrs Bucket”.

Aaron was a bit mystified by the Mrs Bucket reference but he laughed nevertheless. “She does it very well. Sandie looked like she could kill her when Marcie said that there was a more modest flat available in the same block as the one that she and Tommy lived in that would suit her and James needs perfectly well”.

Robert laughed. “Fat chance of them living in Leeds”.

Robert further added “I hate to have to tell you this but in all likelihood its going to a while before Sandie and James find any property that suits them so we are going to be stuck with them for months”.

Aaron grinned from ear to ear at the connotation of what Robert had just said. “We are, are we?”.

Robert drew in a sharp, deep intake of breath. He hadn’t meant to say those words out loud but now he had he decided to press ahead. “I think its time for us to put our cards on the table. You don’t want to live at the Mill any more and I don’t want you to. I want you to stay here with me, live at Mere Place, be my husband once more”.

Aaron felt like time was suspended, he had longed to hear those words and now he had he felt overwhelmed, he had to breath deeply several times to get his emotions under control. 

Aaron tried to act nonchalantly even thought his heart was still beating at the speed of light. He felt his eyes fill with happy tears, felt them trickle down his cheeks. “I thought you were never going to ask, of course I’ll stay with you, there is nowhere on else on earth I’d rather be than here with you”. 

Aaron managed a few more words before he let out a sob. “I love you so much”.

Robert gently pulled himself out of Aaron’s arms so he was parallel to him. He looked closely at Aaron, saw the tears flowing from his husband’s eyes and was immediately concerned, he tenderly wiped the tears away. “Hey, what’s all this, this isn’t a time for tears, it a time to be happy and smile”.

Aaron gave Robert a watery grin. “They’re happy tears. I never though that I was ever going to get you back and now that I have its to much, I…”

Robert pulled Aaron into his arms, he cradled him against tenderly against his body, cradling him with infinite care. He rubbed his shoulders and arms in soothing motions with his big, yet gentle hands, continued until he felt the younger man relax against him. Robert instinctively knew to keep silent, he waited patiently for Aaron to talk to him, realising that Aaron needed to articulate his feeling into words.

Aaron sniffled, he tried to compose himself, to get his thoughts in order before he said anything. He was so unbelievable happy, it terrified him just how much, but it had always been the nature of his life with Robert, his husband had always evoked such strong emotions within him that veered from one extreme to the other, he made the world come alight with such vivid colours that at times it dazzled him, blinded him like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He thought how scary it was that he loved this man so much, more than life itself, how his very existence was so entwined with another human being that he couldn’t breath properly without him. He remember their last reunion and how happy he had been to have won Robert back then but even though at the time he had thought it had been monumental it was nothing compared to this. He marvelled at his good fortune, that somehow against all the odds Robert had managed to forgive him and once more take him back. He was bubbling over with happiness.

Robert’s patience was eventually rewarded when Aaron started to talk. “I don’t even know where to begin, I’m so happy I could burst, having you back means more than I can say. I love you so much and I promise you this time it will be different, I’m not going to repeat the mistakes of the past, this time its going to better than ever”.

Robert looked closely into Aaron’s eyes, he smiled. He reached out a hand and placed it along the side of Aaron’s face, cupping it tenderly, occasionally moving his fingers to caress his scruff. “Neither am I, going to make the same mistakes that is. I want this to work as well Aaron, so from now on you get to have all of me, no more closed doors and secrets, you can ask me anything you want and I will be totally honest with you”.

Robert stopped to smile, Aaron’s happiness was infectious. “I love you so much, life without you has barely been a life worth living, if it hadn’t been for Seb I don’t know if I would have made it, but I knew that I had to stay alive for him, he deserved to have a father that loved and cared for him, so I couldn’t let him down and I’m glad now that I didn’t because it would have meant that we could never of got back together”. 

Robert paused, trying to compose himself as his emotions threatened to unravel him. “I don’t ever want to lose you again. You are it for me, Aaron Dingle, do you hear me, you always have been and always will be, I will never want anybody else”. 

Robert stopped a moment, to compose himself once more. “You know I loved you from the moment I first saw you, I just wish now that I hadn’t been so stupid and fought against my feelings back, if only...”.

Aaron interrupted his husband, there was a gentleness to his voice as he spoke. “Stop right now with the recriminations, I think between us we have beaten ourselves up more than enough. So what do you say about us stop doing it going forwards, lets make a pact to concentrate on the present and the future”.

Robert just nodded, he didn’t trust himself to speak. He wondered how his husband had got to be so wise and was glad that he had, for both their sakes. 

Aaron looked deeply into Robert’s watery eyes, he decided to make a confession. “You know this afternoon when we were all sat around the table, having Sunday lunch I looked around me and was overcome with this desperate need for it to my new norm. I can’t explain it properly but I felt so good, like I was part of something special and I didn’t want the moment to end, ever”. 

Aaron halted a moment to get his jumbled thoughts in line. “I loved seeing the way you behaved surrounded by your relatives, you come across as a man that at long last is happy in his own skin, where you are no longer afraid to be yourself, you no longer feel that you have to hide how special you are, what a brilliantly clever man you are deep down, you were your real self, open and friendly, showed all the love and kindness you have in your heart and you know why that is, because you know they won’t hurt you, that you are safe in their company. I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more than I did, but I found I could today, seeing you in all your glory”.

Robert felt himself unravelling. He managed to say a few words before talk became impossible. “Behave yourself”.

Aaron managed to laugh despite being on the verge of a meltdown. “You’re still not good with compliments are you”.

Robert managed to laugh, despite his tears. “I’ll have to put it on my list of things you can help me to improve on”.

Robert grew serious as he continued. “You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that you want to be part of my family, its something that I had always wanted for a long time but just as I was prepared to tell you about them circumstances always seemed to get in the way”. 

Robert thought carefully on how frame his next wish. “As I just said I don’t want to keep any aspect of my life from you going forwards and that means that I want you to meet my friends as well, be part of the life that I live now and everything that it entails”.

Robert paused, it hit him that he was getting his life back and he grew terrified that there would still be some stumbling blocks that could ruin everything. “I need you to understand that your life will change beyond all recognition now we are back together again, Mere Place, its just the tip of the iceberg, I have a property in London that in its own way is just as imposing, then there will be all the trappings of my wealth, flash cars, designer clothes. Then there are the people that I mix with, the great and the good, I socialise with them because it the expected thing for me to do and I want you to be with me, by my side, as my husband”

Robert halted, to frighten to put the final things he had to say into words but he eventually plucked up the courage to continue. “I’m terrified that I will be asking to much of you, that you won’t be able to cope, that you will hate my new life and all the people in it”.

Aaron drew back from Robert’s arms so he could look his husband in the eye. “I have thought about it and I know that its going to be difficult for me to adjust. I won’t lie to you and say that I’m not worried about stepping into the unknown but I trust you Robert, I trust that you will take care of me, help me every step of the way”.

Aaron stopped a moment before further adding. “I know that I’m not going to get things right straight away and I am sure that I will have the odd wobble from time to time, there will be times when you are going to need every last bit of patience to cope with me, but I will do my best to adapt into this whole new world of yours. I know that its the price I have to pay to be with you and I am willing to pay it because there is no alternative, I won’t live without you any more, its to hard and I to put it bluntly I don’t want to be alone any more”.

Robert found himself struggling to maintain his freshly won composure after Aaron’s declaration, he felt humbled that his husband loved him enough to change his life beyond recognition. He realised that Aaron had just placed his heart in the palm of his hand and felt suddenly overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of it. He gulped before he replied. “What you are offering me is more than I ever dreamt could be possible. Its amazing and I promise you that I will be by your side every step of the way as you have asked, we will take things very slowly at first, if you are struggling then you have to swear to me that you won’t bottle it up, that you will talk to me straight away so I can help and whatever you tell me I won’t get upset or think any the less of you, I swear”.

Aaron smiled gratefully at Robert. He found words difficult to come by so he kept his reply short “Thanks”.

Robert smiled back. “Your welcome”.

Aaron snuggled close to Robert once more, he let the older man hold him firmly, moulding him against his body, he savoured the feel of the solid muscle against his skin, he sighed in contentment at how safe it made him feel being in Robert’s arms. His mind though was in turmoil, he was still reeling about what he had just promised Robert, in truth he was scared out of his mind but he tried to calm himself and take comfort from Robert’s promise to help him and instinctively deep down he knew that Robert would keep his word, that he wouldn’t stand by and let him sink. 

Aaron reflected that Robert had always put him first, sometimes at the detriment of his own feelings and knew that this time it wouldn’t be any different. He felt emboldened to ask just what he had rushed head first into. “As a matter of interest what have I just committed myself to, you know being Robbie Merrick’s husband and all that”.

Robert laughed, a warm sound that seemed to emanate from the depth of his soul. “I think you should have asked me that first before making a commitment of the magnitude of the one you just have”.

When Robert saw the crestfallen worried look on his husband’s face he tried to placate him, lessen his worries. “Look it will all depend on what you are going be comfort with, meals and dinner parties with my friends should be okay, they are under strict instructions not to scare you off but I think the corporate days out will be more of a challenge. I get loads of invitations, for example there are tickets to Wimbledon, football matches, mostly Arsenal, Chelsea or England if I’m in London, the Manchester clubs in the North, horse-racing, formula one grand prix's, Henley regatta, classical concerts, opera’s, meals with banks and clients. The list is endless really”.

Robert added mischievously “Of course if you do come with me you’ll have to be on your best behaviour, you will have to speak nicely to all the posh people, you can’t be grumpy or mono syllabic with them, there if no way that I can have people thinking I’ve married an uneducated piece of rough and of course you’ll need to dress the part, designer suits and ties, I must have the perfect accessory hanging on my arm as befits my social station”.

Aaron visibly paled the more Robert had listed his requirements, he felt sick to think of being surrounded my those kind of people, the people that he detested the most in the world, they weren’t part of his comfort zone, not in the least and how the hell was he going to make polite conversation with them.

Robert saw the stricken look on Aaron’s face and couldn’t keep the wind up going. The though of making Aaron sit through an opera and participate in discussing its merits was hilarious and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing out loud. His laughter stopped abruptly when he felt Aaron dig him sharply in the ribs. “Ouch, that hurt”.

Aaron glared into Robert’s chest. “It was meant to. If you don’t stop being a dick and winding me up or I’ll do it again”.

Robert smirked. “I’m sorry, it was mean of me to wind you up like that but I couldn’t resist it. Look when I get invitations to events we can sit down together and you can pick out the ones that you want to go to. I’ll sure I will get offered tickets to the British grand prix which will be right up your street and then there are the football matches, they should suit you to. Most of the invites are from people that I know well, what you might call business friends and I would tell you about them beforehand so you won’t go in blind. I’m afraid you will have to cope with some posh accents but if you look beyond how they sound most of them are decent people”.

Robert added sincerely. “I promise you I will never put you in a situation where you will feel humiliated, I love you to much to ever hurt you like that”.

Aaron was appeased. “I guess your forgiven then”.

Robert smiled. “I was thinking that at first we should have a few quiet meals with my friends in London, preferable at home so we will be out of the public glaze and then we could slowly built up from there in a few months time, if you want we could make the Monaco Grand Prix the first event we go to together, that is assuming I get to be your plus one”.

Aaron calculated that it would give him five months to adjust to his new life and started to relax. A part of him was still terrified, stepping into the unknown but the other part of him started to feel excited at entering a new stage in his life with Robert by his side. He was just about to talk more about what lay ahead when he heard Robert yawn and realised the lateness of the hour. He cursed himself, Robert needed to sleep if he was to be in the best shape possible to face tomorrow and here he was talking to him, keeping him awake. “You sound like you need to go to sleep”.

Robert sighed, he could feel his eyelids begin to droop but he felt that there was still so much he needed to talk about first before he did, he wanted to discuss Seb and Annie, tell Aaron that he wanted him to gradually come to think of them as his own again, be a proper dad to them. “I do need to sleep but there is still so much we need to sort out”.

Aaron gently rubbed Robert’s shoulder provoking a sigh of contentment from his husband. “We can talk later, there’s no rush, we have the rest of our lives together to sort things out”. 

Aaron added. “Now close your eyes and sleep, that’s an order”.

Robert laughed. “Since when did you get to boss me about?”.

Aaron laughed back at him. “Somebody has to keep you in check, if they didn’t you’d be a right nightmare, so for once just do as you’re told and go to sleep”.

Robert laughed softly. “I’ve missed you Mr Merrick”

Aaron’s voice caught in his throat for a moment before he replied. “I’ve missed you more, Mr Dingle”.

Aaron felt Robert tense for a moment as his words hit home, but then he seemed to relax again. He felt Robert brush his lips against the side of the head and heard him whisper goodnight. 

Aaron lay stone still, he remained tightly pressed against Robert’s body, he slung a leg over Robert’s wanting to increase their physical contact, it was his way of making sure that Robert wouldn’t be able to escape in the night and leave him all alone again plus there was the added bonus that it would stop him kicking him in his sleep. Aaron laughed to himself, who was he kidding, there were times these last fifteen months he would have died to have bruises galore.

Aaron listened to the change in his husband’s breathing as he slept. A part of him didn’t think he would be able to join him in slumber straight away, to much was whirling in his mind but to his surprise he gradually found his eyes grow heavy.

Before Aaron knew it he was fast asleep in his husbands arms and for the first time in what had seemed like an eternity he was finally home at last, in the place that he belonged for the rest of his life.  
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Monday, January 17th, 2022 – Early Morning

Aaron was awoken slowly from his slumbers by the smell of coffee, he yawned several times, trying to force his eyes open, but they still felt heavy and he closed them again despite the enticing aroma of the caffeine. After a while he woke again, he blinked several times until he could focus properly this time.

The first thing Aaron saw was Robert, he was sitting in a nearby chair watching him, he was dressed in a robe, hair still wet from the shower and to Aaron he looked like a vision sent from heaven, he felt the lust course through his veins as he remembered past mornings when they had enjoyed each other to their hearts content and he was thinking about enticing Robert over when he suddenly realised that it the day of Annie’s funeral and his ardour dropped like a stone.

Seeing that Aaron was awake Robert got up from his chair and came and sat on the bed by Aaron’s side, coffee in hand.

Aaron sat up and indicated to Robert that he should share the beverage with him and waited impatiently until he was given the mug. He took several slips, letting the caffeine work its magic and kick start him into gear before he spoke. “What time is it?”.

Robert looked at his watch. “Just gone eight”.

Aaron yawned. “You know this bed is the comfiest I have ever slept in, I thought the one in the guest room was something else but this is in a totally different league, its amazing”.

Robert smiled, a smile that warmed Aaron’s heart. “I glad it meets with your approval, husband, because unless you have changed your mind overnight this is where you get to sleep from now on”.

Aaron looked squarely into Robert’s eyes as he replied. “That’s not going to happen, husband, from now on you are struck with me, for the rest of your life”.

Robert felt like time stood still, hearing Aaron’s words sent a thrill running down his spine and his nerves ends started to tingle. A part of him was excited about the future, he was so happy that he had Aaron back but the happiness was tinged with fear, he admitted to himself that he was also scared senseless about what would happened if everything went wrong again, how he could every possibly survive the loss of the man he loved so much it was beyond sanity itself. He mentally gave himself a good talking to, today was going to be hard enough without him torturing himself with what ifs about his husband and their future. “Glad to hear it, Mr Merrick, because that’s what I want to, more than anything, you and me messed up forever as always”.

Aaron smiled back and took another sip of the coffee. “So what do you need from me today?”.

Aaron answered his own question before Robert could get a word in. “I want to go with you to the funeral but on the other hand I don’t want to make things even more difficult for you, the gossips will be out in force as it is without me adding to the drama and the last thing you need is any more hassle today”.

Robert sighed, all to soon practical matters had to intervene and spoil the moment. “I was thinking about that. In an ideal world I would want you by my side but as much as I hate to say it I think it would be for the best for today if kept your distant. Liv has said that she is coming so maybe you could sit with her, it would seem natural that you would be there to support your sister, keep her company”.

Robert sighed wistfully. “Although having said that the fact that you will be in the same place as me is still going to get tongues wagging, they will all be waiting for hell to break lose. Maybe it will be better all round if you stay away altogether, I don’t want my grandmother’s funeral to descend into a farce”.

Aaron pondered over what Robert had said for a moment. “No. I’m coming. I’m not letting other people’s opinions interfere in our lives any more. Screw them all and their petty mindedness, I’ll come with Liv and they can think what they like and it also means that if you need me, I’ll be close at hand, all you have to do is give me a sign and I’ll be straight by your side”.

Robert though about Aaron’s proposal. He smiled, seeing the sense in what he had said. “Okay, that’s settled then. You’re coming”.

Robert added quickly. “Thank you, it does mean a lot to me knowing that you will be there for me”.

Robert leant over and kissed Aaron on the lips. “Now its time for you to get up and make yourself presentable, breakfast will be ready soon”.

Aaron groaned. “Can’t I stay in bed a little longer”.

Robert looked at his watch and realised that it was getting to close to nine for comfort, he shook his head at his lazy husband. “No, you can’t, everybody else is up and waiting downstairs for us”.

Aaron whined. “I only packed for a few days and I haven’t got any clean clothes left, can’t I stay here for a little bit longer, then I can sneak off back to the Mill whilst you are all having breakfast and get ready for the funeral”.

Robert laughed. “I have wardrobes full of clothes, including some snazzy designer underpants that I know that you will like”.

Robert laughed again as a memory from the past entered his mind. “I seem to recall that there were times when I barely could find a clean pair of pants for myself because you have commandeered them all”.

Robert added. “The only thing I haven’t got that will fit you are my jeans, unless of course you want to roll the legs up several times so they will short enough for you to wear”.

Aaron had redden at the underpants mention, he remembered how he had loved the intimacy of wearing something that had been so close to his husband’s skin, it had made him feel as if Robert was pressed against him, even when he wasn’t present, to mask his embarrassment he grumpily replied to the last of his husband’s comments. “You’re not that much taller than me”

Robert laughed seeing the scowl on his husband’s face and Aaron eventually joined in, not being able to be grumpy with him for long. They savoured the moment before reality kicked in once more and Annie’s funeral began to occupy their thoughts.

After Robert’s cajoling Aaron reluctantly got up and went for a shower, as the water cascaded around his body he mulled over the fact that Annie’s funeral was the last hurdle that they had to get past before their new life could well and truly being again. As he got dressed in the clean clothes Robert had found him he checked the time, by his reckoning in less than seven hours at the most he would be back where he knew he belonged, he would be by Robert’s side, his husband once more in every sense of the word. 

Aaron smiled to himself, tonight he wasn’t going to say no if Robert wanted him, not again, not ever. He licked his lips in anticipation, his skin tingled as he imagined Robert’s hands on him, torturing him with pleasure as he took him to the heights that only he could. Aaron reflected that nobody else had ever remotely come close to making him feel the same way his husband did when he possessed him, nobody filled him so completely, not that he was going to tell Robert that, he didn’t want him to get complacent, he wanted him to pull out all the stops and make their reunion a night to remember.

Aaron thoughts were interrupted when Robert start to chide him again to get a move on or they would be late for breakfast. Aaron smiled to himself, something's just didn’t change, Robert would be nagging him until the day he died. 

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron walked carefully down the treacherous steps of the spiral staircase at the Mill, Robert’s only real faux par when building their home. The suit he was wearing felt like it was constricting him and as for the tie around his neck it felt like a noose. As soon as he reached the bottom rung of the stairs his mother confronted him. “Where do you think you are going, dressed like that?”.

Aaron groaned, he had hoped that she would have left the Mill by now and gone to the pub to prepare the alternative wake that Diane and Vic had spitefully decided to put on as a snub to Robert and his plans. He decided to tackle Chas head on. “I’m going with Liv to Annie Sugden’s funeral”.

Chas glared at her headstrong, wilful son. There was an exasperated edge to her voice as she spoke. “Are you out of your mind, you do realise that he will be there don’t you?”

Chas added, the tone of her voice growing even more spiteful. “Why would you want to put yourself through that, why lay eyes on that lying, cheating scumbag after everything he has put you through, he’s poison, always has been and always will be. His dad had the right idea when he threw him out, he’s...”.

Aaron sighed, it didn’t want to hear this again, not ever again if he was truthful, he was sick and tired of the way she spoke about Robert. He interrupted his mum before she could go any further. He tried his best to moderate his tone but there was still a hard edge to his voice as he spoke. “How many more times do I have to tell you that I got it wrong, Robert didn’t cheat on me and he therefore doesn’t deserve you banging on about him like this because he didn’t do anything wrong”.

Chas snapped back, ignoring what her son had just said. “You’re not to go to that funeral, do you hear me, you need to stay away from him, he’s bad news and in case it has escaped your notice in all likelihood he will be there with his new fancy man, do you really want everybody to witness your humiliation, because that is what you are going to feel when everybody’s eyes turn on you to see your reaction to your husband being with another man”.

Aaron felt his temper begin to ignite, he suppressed it as best he could but there was still anger in his voice as he spoke. “You don’t have a clue what you are talking about, now if you’ll excuse me I have a funeral to go to, whether you like it or not”.

Aaron turned on his heels and made for the door before his mother could drip any more of her poison. He was growing increasingly sick of her snide remarks and judgemental attitude and if that wasn’t bad enough her hypocrisy was sticking in his throat. He tried hard not to think of all her disastrous relationships, there had been Dan Spencer, Carl King and James Barton to name but a few and then if that hadn’t been bad enough there had been Cameron Murray, she had abandoned all her morals when she repeatedly slept with the serial killer who was dating Debbie at the same time, it had not crossed her mind for one minute that she shouldn’t be doing the dirty on her own niece. Then there had been the worst one of the lot, Gordon, Aaron shuddered when he remembered how she had chucked him out because he had got upset with her for getting back together again with his paedo dad. She hadn’t given a damn for his feelings then, it had been Robert that had helped him survive her being back with the man that had raped him repeatedly when he had been a child, Robert that had helped him even though they hadn’t been together at the time because despite him pushing Robert away again and again Robert hadn’t given up on him, not once, he had still cared about him and loved him deeply enough to help him in any way he could even when there had been no benefit in it for himself.

All in all Aaron felt Chas was the last person on earth who should be giving him advice about who he should or should not love and then to have the audacity on top to moralise about Robert, to list all his supposed faults whilst ignoring her own.

Aaron grimaced as he walked out of the door, he decided that if she didn’t shut up he was going to tell her exactly what he thought of her in no uncertain terms because he had well and truly had enough of her trying to live his life for him. He was a grown man of thirty years for God’s sake, he knew his own mind and he knew what he wanted and that was Robert, one hundred percent and nobody, least of all his mother was going to stop him being with the man he loved.

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Monday, January 17th, 2022 – 11am - Annie’s Funeral – The Service

As per Annie’s wishes the funeral procession meandered through the village, taking in all the places that had had special meaning to her. The cortège passed the site of what had once been Emmerdale Farm where she had spend so many years of her life, starting as a young bride barely twenty years old and up until her seventies, it had been her home for over fifty years.

Seeing the ruined buildings again brought back painfully memories for Robert, it was a place where he had once lived, happily at first until everything had gone so cruelly wrong. He tried not to look at the barn where his adoptive mum Sarah had died, refusing to add to his disquiet about the ordeal that lay ahead but his eyes had been drawn to it nevertheless. The pain hit him with force as he remembered what he had lost that day, it hadn’t just been a much loved mother that had been taken from him, it had also been the death knell on his childhood, not that he had known that back then, from then on he had slowly lost his father’s love, bit by bit his life had spiralled out of control until that fateful day when his father had washed his hands of him for good and banished him from the village for life. He remembered the emptiness that he had felt at being cast adrift, being totally alone in the world and then chastised himself, his gran hadn’t abandoned him, she had come to his rescue and saved his life.

Before he realised it they were at the church. He slowly got out of the car, the second one from the hearse. Diane, Vic and Andy had commandeered the first one in an act of pure pettiness, stating that they were the principle mourners, not him and should be given precedence. He had acquiesced to their demands, deciding that today of all days he would not lower himself to their level and in truth he couldn’t face the hassle of a scene if he had confronted them about it, Annie would have hated the thought of him making a fuss and it was her day when all was said and done. He sighed sadly to himself, if this was a foretaste of what was to come the day was going to be even worse than he had ever imagined it could possibly be.

Robert felt hurt when his Sugden family barely acknowledged his existence as they all stood on the side waiting for the undertakers to open the hearse doors. He felt a hand touch him on the arm and looked to see Sandie standing by his side. He smiled gratefully at her, thankfully for her support, at least he had his biological mum’s family and friends on his side, people that he knew cared about him. It lifted his sombre mood a faction. Whatever his dad’s family might think of him he was loved by the people whose love mattered to him, people who had cared about him through thick and thin, not people who blew as the wind blew and discarded him without a moments thought when it had suited them to do so. 

Sandie led Robert to the hearse where Andy was stood nearby, waiting to be one of the pole bearer. Robert wasn’t surprised when his adoptive brother refused to meet his eye, choosing to look somewhere into the distance as if that would remove Robert from his very existence.

Robert looked at the coffin, it seemed so small, hardly big enough for a force of nature like Annie. He forced back the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks, the reality of knowing Annie’s remains were inside that box brought it home to him that she was gone for good and the grief ripped through him with relentless force. With a superhuman effort he managed to compose himself and positioned himself alongside James and Tommy on one side of the coffin, with Harry and Amos’s nephew, who was the leading undertaker for the day and Andy on the other side, thus making up the six pole bearers who would carry Annie into the church so the service could begin. 

Once the coffin was on it plinth they all took their seats and waited for Harriet to commence with the service. At first Robert was only slightly aware of what was going on around him, things seemed surreal, as if he was a dream, he had to mentally shake himself to bring himself back to reality and focus on the proceedings. When he gained clarity he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, he discretely looked around him and realised why, he was being scrutinised by numerous pairs of eyes from the other side of the church, the side that his Sugden family and the main bulk of the villagers were sitting. Their eyes burned into him, various looks of malice and salacious curiosity evident on their faces and he suddenly felt vulnerable and alone amidst the crowd of people packing the church. Sandie squeezed his arm, it was as if she had instinctively knew he was struggling, he felt an inordinate wave of gratitude towards her and the rest of his Merrick family for their steadfast support. 

Robert felt reassured when he looked closer to home. The majority of the people he truly loved most in the world were on his side of the church, Sandie, James, Harry who was making his first public Emmerdale appearance with Priya, Kathy, Tommy and Marcie and even his niece Louise had made the funeral despite knowing as he did that she was so knee deep in work she really couldn’t spare the time. The only close immediate family missing were his nieces Lucy and Sarah who it had been decided should stay in London as it was their first day back at university after the Christmas break. The early feelings of disquiet he had had were banished, the family that mattered to him made him feel like there was a protective wall around him, a buffer against all those that wished him harm and for the first time in a long time in Emmerdale, the village that he had loved and hated with equal measure he felt that there were people here who really did love him as he had always wanted to be loved. 

Robert was further gratified that his closest friends had made the trip up from London as well, whilst Robert knew they were primarily there for him Pete, John and Gary had also known Annie from the trips that they had all made to Spain to stay with her and Amos starting over a decade ago when they had all been young penniless students. The rest of his friends he knew were there solely for him. It had meant the world to him that Jeremy Bamforth, his one time mentor and another one of his surrogate dads along with James had come along with his husband Daniel and Giles had made it to, then there was Aggie his indomitable PA or whatever it was she had titled herself these days, he had lost track of all the grandiose titles she bestowed on herself and lastly Jamie’s dad, Richard Whittaker who was visiting England for the first time since he had departed for Australia nearly two years ago was there to, making up a trio of parental guardians watching over him. 

Diane, Vic and Andy glanced at Robert from time to time, they saw that he was alternating his glaze between Harriet and Annie’s coffin, looking straight ahead of him as if he wanted to block them out, to ashamed no doubt to meet their eyes. He looked solemn and preoccupied as the service went on. 

Diane thought that Robert looked different, not at all like the man she remembered, he appeared to be very expensively dressed and well groomed, not that he hadn’t always looked smart, in her opinion he had always been prissy about his looks, another of his vanities. Diane also thought that he looked thinner than he had been, he was lean to the point of being skinny, she thought that it gave his face a sharper, gaunter look but somehow it seemed to suit him, it made him look younger and better looking than she recalled him ever being. There was something else that struck her, he seemed somehow taller and more substantial, as if he had finally managed to fit into his skin after all these years and grow into version of a himself that she no longer recognised as being her least favourite step child. It suddenly hit her that to all intents and purposes she was staring at a stranger. Diane shook her head, trying to clear her mind from her bizarre musing and tried to refocus on the service instead. 

As much as she tried to concentrate on Annie’s funeral there was another thing that Diane was to curious about to really be able to focus on Harriet’s words, it was all the strangers that Robert had surrounded himself with, she had no idea who they all were. She looked more closely at them and among their midst she realised that one of them looked vaguely familiar. It was a lady, Diane assessed that she appeared to be in her early sixties, she had white blond hair and was sitting in the second row of pews just behind Robert. 

Diane studied her more closely, trying to rack her brain to remember who she was. Out of the blue she suddenly remembered a name, Kathy Glover. Diane, finally being able to put a name to a face remembered that she had been a friend of Jack and Sarah’s in the long distant past before she had come to Emmerdale. As she desperately rattled her brain to remember more she realised that she wasn’t a Glover any more but what her new name was eluded her for the time being. The one thing that Diane did know was that Robert and Kathy had been close when he was a lad, that he had often sought her out when he and his dad had been at each other’s throats and that he had been devastated when she had left the village to emigrate to Australia to be near her niece, Alice. Diane wondered if she was still living there because it seemed strange to her that anybody would have come all the way from the other side of the world to attend the funeral of a woman that was a distant memory in her past.

Andy felt himself begin to seethe as his anger towards Robert gained momentum, even at his gran’s funeral he had made it all about himself as per usual, he’d turned it into a social event for all his cronies. He hadn’t got a clue as to who all the strangers were and what conceivable reason any of them could have to be at an old lady’s funeral they couldn’t possibly have met. To made matters worse, his mood hadn’t been helped when the silver haired man he had seen Robert with a few days ago had been one of the pole bearers who had carried his gran’s coffin into the church. 

Andy was totally disgusted about it, it was a travesty that Robert had let his new boyfriend make a mockery of the proceedings, he knew that his gran would have been appalled at Robert’s lack of decency, she had been a woman of strong moral values, values that Robert hadn’t inherited from her, Andy thought his unlovable brother was immoral at best, amoral at worst. He had been ready to rip Robert apart about his lack of respect but Diane and Vic had stopped him, told him in no uncertain terms he mustn’t spoil the funeral before it had begun. They told him to wait, that they would all deal with Robert after the funeral was over, that they would tell him then in no uncertain terms exactly what they thought of him.

Eric Pollard was staring at the woman sat next to Robert. There was something about her that was provoking some long buried memories in the darkest recesses of his mind but despite his probing they were stubbornly refusing to come to the surface. His sixth sense told him he knew her, but still nothing infuriatingly sprang to mind. He felt Faith nudge him, heard her hiss in his ear to stop staring, that he was being seriously weird and people were noticing. Eric refocused on the coffin in front of him but his brain was still whirling over, feverishly trying to find a name for the face. He had a nagging feeling that when he did remember her she wouldn’t have been a friend to him, quite the opposite in fact and that unnerved him.

Aaron sat at the back with Liv on Robert’s side of the church. He physically ached to be by Robert’s side, wanting to give him husband all his love and support but he could now see the wisdom behind them keeping a discrete distance today, there appeared to be enough kicking off without him being added to the mix to what appeared to be an already volatile situation. 

Aaron was not one for fancy notions yet even he could feel that the air was heavy with tension, you could cut it with a knife and it was emanating from both side of the church. He had noticed the hostile glances that the Sugden’s were directing in Robert’s direction, seen the sneering looks from Andy and the hard faced woman on his arm, who from what he had heard according to local gossip was the latest in a long long of thick women to have fallen for his underwhelming charms and had even been dumb enough to have married him. Aaron was in no doubt that she to would have been indoctrinated to hate Robert without questions asked by her vindictive spouse. 

Aaron mused that he had been surprised when he heard that Andy was happily married to a woman who he had apparently described as the love of his life. Aaron’s first thought had been so much for Katie then if she could be so easily forgotten when a new woman had came along and taken his fancy, he knew beyond all doubt that he could never have replaced Robert with anybody because there wasn’t a man alive that could ever come close to matching him. 

Aaron shuddered when he recollected how he had tried replacing Robert once and how he had failed miserably to do so with a man that Robert had dubbed Doctor Dull. Aaron had soon come to realise that being with somebody else only made him miss Robert even more because all it had done was painfully highlight what he was missing with someone that had been so inadequate when it came to loving him the way he needed and wanted to be loved. As he stared at the back of Robert’s head he came to the conclusion that there wasn’t a man alive other than Robert who would ever satisfy him as a partner for life, both in and out of bed, he silently gave thanks in God’s house that he had got him back once more. 

Aaron returned his ever increasingly malicious thoughts back to Andy, he wasn’t drop dead gorgeous like Robert, even if he had of been gay Andy would never have ticked any boxes for him and to boot he was as dull as dishwater, droning on about farming all the time. The brutal truth was that Andy didn’t have an ounce of his brother’s charisma, warmth and intelligence. 

Aaron mused that maybe that was what had always been the problem between the warring brothers. Andy had realised that Robert would always be better than him and he hadn’t been able to hack it, so he had gone out of his way to ruin things for his brother as compensation for his own inadequacies, that in his line of thinking he would only be able to look good if he made his brother look bad and from what Robert had told him Andy had certainly gone out of his way to make his dad think badly of him, dropping him in it all the time. Not that Aaron didn’t think that Robert hadn’t given Andy a helping hand, if half the rumours were true Robert hadn’t been much of a saint at times in his youth, even Robert had admitted he hadn’t been the ideal son by any stretch of the imagination, but then Aaron deduced if his dad had been any father to him at all he would have seen that Robert’s behaviour had been a cry for help and fixed things as any good parent would have done, which sadly for Robert’s sake Jack Sugden hadn’t been anywhere close to being.

Aaron was aware that deep down he really didn’t like Andy very much at all. He tried to work out why, the first part he knew was easy, a part of him would always hate Andy for letting him rot in prison on an attempted murder charge when the police had wrongly believed that he had shot Robert nearly seven years ago. It has been Andy and Ross Barton that had been the one’s behind the shooting, the pair of scumbags had conspired between themselves to murder each others brother. Aaron got that Andy had been grieving for Katie at the time he had arranged it all with Ross to murder his brother, that he wanted revenge for Robert part in her death but in truth it had been a tragic accident, nobody could have foreseen a push would lead to her falling through floorboards to her death, it hadn’t been cold blooded murder by any stretch of the imagination but Andy was to grief stricken to see that and wanted his revenge.

Aaron went back to thinking about Andy, because of him he had endured several weeks of absolute hell locked up in that gruesome cell, he remembered how petrified he had been that if Robert had died from his injuries what with all the circumstantial evidence pointing his way he could have faced up to twenty years in prison for something he didn’t do. Thankfully Robert had saved him when he had regained consciousness, he had cleared his name but the memories were still painful nevertheless and he had never forgiven Andy for his part in his incarceration. 

Aaron shuddered when he remembered what it had been like in prison back then, he had lived in a state of terror and total despair, worried sick all the time that Robert could have died at any minute. It had sapped every last bit of his strength, knowing that the man he loved and hated with equal measure could be lost to him forever.

Aaron smiled ruefully to himself, even back then he had known that their fates were entwined, that neither of them would ever be whole without the other. 

If that wasn’t reason enough to dislike Andy, Aaron was aware of all the other stuff that he had done to Robert over the years, not that Robert hadn’t sometimes given as good as he got but his retaliation had stopped short of matching the things that Andy had done to him. For starters Andy had burnt his adoptive mother to death and then shot his adoptive dad, on both occasions Andy had been forgiven and his actions swept up under the carpet. To be fair he hadn’t known that Sarah was in the barn that night, so maybe he could forgiven for that but there was no excuse for him shooting Jack Sugden. 

Aaron had been shocked to the core when Robert had explained how Andy had cold bloodily planned to murder him when he had been eighteen but ended up shooting his dad my mistake. Robert had explained that he had been living in a caravan parked outside the farmhouse at the time because his father had yet again kicked him out of his home, this time it was for sleeping with Katie, Andy’s then wife. Robert had had the decency to look embarrassed at that part of his narrative. Andy had laid in wait for Robert to open the caravan door, he had immediately fired the gun only to realise to late that it wasn’t him after all, but his dad. Aaron still remembered how bitter Robert had been about it all, Andy had shot his dad, nearly killed him but he had ended up getting all the blame because as his dad had put it, it had been his cheating with Katie that had driven Andy to it, if he hadn’t have been such a vile immoral human being Andy would never have wanted to kill him in the first place.

Aaron continued his musings as the service droned on, he had never been one for religious stuff, it always made him feel uncomfortable and letting his mind drift passed the time. He went back to what was the real crux of the problem he had with Andy, he was mean spirited, he couldn’t bear to see Robert happy under any circumstance, jealously begrudging him anything in life. Aaron suspected that Robert and his dad would have got on a lot better without Andy hanging around, creating a wedge between them at every opportunity. 

Robert had always liken Andy to a cuckoo and in the end that was what he had become, he had slowly, bit by bit taken over Robert’s life, he had gone out of his way to be Jack Sugden’s golden boy, the son that could do no wrong in marked contrast to the biological son who could never do any right. From conversations Aaron had had with Robert he knew that his fall from grace had hurt him deeply, how his father’s diminishing love for him had broken his heart until his father delivered the fatal blow on their relationship and banished him from his life forever, forcing him to leave Emmerdale and everything that he had ever known.

Aaron looked at Robert again, he felt compassion for the older man. He had suffered so much pain and loss yet despite the odds he had managed to survive and carve out a life for himself and what a life it was, a part of him was still in awe that the man he now knew as Robbie Merrick had chosen to be with someone like him when he could within reason have had anybody he wanted, someone richer, clever and more connected than himself. Aaron felt a warm glow inside as he recollected that when he had mentioned this to Robert, his husband had immediately shut him down and told him never to think that way ever again, that he was with him because he loved him and at the end of the day that was what really mattered. Love.

Aaron turned his attention over to Vic and Diane, they seemed to be just as bad as Andy, both of them emanating the evils towards Robert. Aaron wondered why they were still behaving as if Robert was public enemy number one, he had after all confessed to them that he had got it wrong, that Robert hadn’t cheated on him after all and then it hit him, they were angry about his latest living arrangements. Aaron had to stop himself laughing out loud, only Robert could be accused of living of a rich man that in reality was himself. He maliciously wondered if they would still be giving his husband the cold shoulder when they discovered how rich he was. 

Aaron knew from discussions he had had recently with Robert that he was in no hurry to patch things up with his Sugden family even if they wanted to. Robert had confessed to him something that he had long suspected, that in the past their judgmental attitude towards him, their insensitively and lack of awareness of his feelings had hurt him more than he had ever let on. Robert had added that going forwards he wasn’t going to tolerate being treated badly any more by them and if they couldn’t treat him properly they could all go to hell for all he cared, he had had enough of their scorn to last a lifetime.

Deep down Aaron had been pleased when he heard Robert words, that he was finally going to stand up for himself and demand to be treated with respect by his dad’s family but he wondered that if when it did come to the crunch he would still stick to his guns. He knew what Robert was like with the people he loved, he himself was a prime example of how his husband could find it in his heart to forgive even the most unforgivable things at times but he had a sneaking suspicion that maybe at long last they had finally gone to far even for him and that an olive branch therefore wouldn’t be extended anytime soon.

Aaron decided that he would make sure that Robert stayed well clear of them until they proved to be worthy of being let back into the fold once more. He had seem first hand what kind of relationship Robert had with his Merrick family and how he was with them and there was no way on earth he would risk seeing that man retreat once more back into his protective shell, a protective shell Aaron knew he would need if he were to surround himself with spiteful people that would hurt him without fail, people like Diane, Vic and Andy. Aaron snorted to himself, they were just the tip of the iceberg, there was his family to consider as well, in all likelihood they would be just as vile to Robert and Aaron was under no illusion that his mother would be the worst culprit of the lot in that respect if she got close enough to him to tell him what she thought. 

Aaron stopped his musings when he realised Robert had moved to stand in front of Annie’s coffin and deliver his eulogy. He listened raptly as Robert spoke tenderly about what an amazing woman his gran had been, the matriarch of a family that had ruled over them with a rod of iron, a pillar of the community that had been respected and revered by all, who had been spoken of as the first lady of Emmerdale. He told the mourners about her strength and compassion, her ability to keep everyone on their toes, a no nonsense woman that hadn’t pulled her punches yet it had all been done from a place of love to protect those she cared about. 

It was the final part of the eulogy that made Aaron unravel. When Robert dispensed with the standard funereal platitudes and spoke from his heart about what Annie had meant to him personally. Aaron smiled to himself when he saw Diane flinch when Robert said how his gran had been the one member of his paternal family that had never given up on him, that she had loved and cared for him when nobody else did, how she had dragged him back from the abyss when he had felt that his life was over and that between her and Amos they had breathed the life back into him once more. He told of how they had given him the courage and belief that he could make something of his life when all had looked lost and ruined beyond repair and the success he had enjoyed in his life wouldn’t not have been possible without them guiding him on his way.

Aaron felt his anger flare when he noticed the smirk on Vic and Andy’ faces following Robert final tribute, he glared at them with all the venom he possessed. Liv elbowed him once more to bring him back in line, she was worried that he was drawing attention to himself, she had clocked a few people looking quizzically at him wondering why he was looking so murderously at the Sugden's. Aaron refocused on Robert as he summed up by saying how much he was going to miss Annie and may she rest in peace back home once more in her beloved Yorkshire Dales.

Robert sat down, he felt wrung out, the eulogy emotionally draining him of the last bit of strength he had. Mercifully the rest of the service passed in a blur and at long last the final stage of the funeral got underway and they carried Annie’s coffin to the graveside for the committal service.


	26. Annie's Funeral - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of Annie's Funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter cover the committal ceremony and the two separate wakes.
> 
> The fireworks have begun but the grand finale is to come in Chapter 27

Chapter 26

Monday, January 17th, 2022 – continued

At Annie’s grave – committal service

As Harriet completed the final touches to the funeral, Robert finally took the time to register the people around him. He was surprised at the number of villagers that had turned out for the occasion, especially as the majority of them would never had heard of his gran let alone met her. An uncharitable thought crossed his mind as he wondered whether the turn out was so they could gawp at him, see the Sugden black sheep returning to the village and witness how his disapproving relatives would react to his reappearance. He thought they were all vultures and thanked his lucky stars that he was shot of the lot of them.

Harriet had barely finished the ashes to ashes, dust to dust speech when things started to go downhill. Robert had heard rumours that his Sugden family had been planning a separate wake but nevertheless he had hoped that at the last minute they would think better of it and not go down that route. His hopes proved in vain when he heard Harriet announce that the main wake was going to be held in the Woolpack by Annie’s family so if people would like to make their way there they would be more than welcome. Robert was stunned when she made no mention of his do at all and sadly realised that she like everybody else saw him as a pariah that should be avoided at all costs. 

After the announcement of the wake the Sugden's and the villagers turned tail and made their way to the Woolpack. Robert watched them go, he felt well and truly snubbed. It reminded him of when he had been a boy, the times he had felt alone, the proverbial kid in the playground that none of the other kids wanted to play with. He had thought that there might have been a few people that would have acknowledged him, Jimmy at the very least because of their previous Home James connections but he had been dragged away by Nicola, no doubt being made to adhere to her draconian demands to blank him. 

It was the sheer pettiness of it all that got to Robert, he took one last look at all the retreating backs, shrugged his shoulders and walked over to where his Merrick relations and friends had congregated after the committal service had finished. As he walked towards them he saw Aaron out of the corner of his eye, he had lingered in the background, not ready to follow the herd. Robert tilted his head in his direction to acknowledge his presence, a part of him wanted to go over to his husband, he was in desperate need of a hug but he held back, knowing that it wasn’t the time or the place for a public display of affection.

As Robert approached them Sandie took a good look at her youngest brother’s face, her heart went out to him, he looked so sad and lost, she thought that she detected the sheen of unshed tears in his eyes and the moment he drew near enough she gave him a big hug, trying to transfer her strength to him and give him comfort. 

As Sandie tightly held Robert in her arms she told him she was proud of the way he had conducted himself today and that she knew that Annie would be to, it would be the other lot that she would be spitting feathers at and if there was any justice she would be sending them hellfire and damnation to. They were all miserable tossers in her book.

Tommy came and joined them and the three Merrick siblings slowly made their way to Pat Sugden’s grave. The new gravestone shone in the winter sunlight, the flowers placed there by the undertakers lent a vibrant splash of colour, adding some cheer amidst the bleakness of the bitter Yorkshire winter drabness.

Sandie was the first to break the silence. “I can’t believe that its over thirty-five years ago since mum died, its doesn’t seem that long ago.”.

Sandie sighed, the poignancy of looking at her mother’s grave made her felt bereft. “I’ve missed her so much, it still hurts that she never got to see us grow up and be part of our lives but at least Tommy and I had her for a while unlike you Robbie, its a crying shame that you never got the chance to know her”. 

Sandie reminisced. “I can remember her holding you in her arms just after you were born, she was so happy, so much in love with her precious newly born son. I was so jealous at the time, wishing you had never been brought into the world, but it was only a fleeting thought, as soon as I got to hold you I fell in love with you to, my beautiful little brother. Jackie was the same, he adored you to. I remember him making a right fuss of you as well”.

At the mention of their dead brother their glazes were drawn to Kathy, she was standing by Jackie’s graveside, her head bowed. Her voice carried in the wind as she talked softly to her long dead husband and they decided to let her be, they could visit his grave another time to pay their respects. 

Robert went back to thinking about his mother, he felt a lump in his throat as he was assailed by the old thoughts that still plagued him from time to time. When he had been younger he had played the what if game over and over again until it became to painful in later life and he had let it go. He had imagined what his life would have been like if he had been brought up by his mother instead of the other women his dad had replaced her with. 

Robert recalled that Henry Wilkes daughter Marion had been his first mother substitute, he had no recollection of her at all, the only reason he knew about her was because his gran had told him he had lived with her and his dad in Italy for the first couple of years of his life. It was the second substitute that he remembered best, his adoptive mother Sarah. 

Robert wistfully remembered how much he had loved her, she had been the only parent he had had who made him feel he was unconditionally loved and cherished. He glanced over at her grave, saw the flowers that had been left there as he had requested and felt the impact of her death once more, he was overcome with a sense of deep loss that she was no longer with him, even after twenty years the pain of losing her was still raw.

A wave of anger hit him for the second time that day as he remembered how she had died. It had been a senseless death, caused by his adoptive brother, Andy. Robert knew thanks to his gran that Sarah had disapproved of his father adopting Andy, but in true Jack Sugden fashion he had ridden rough shot over everybody else’s feelings, because he always had to know best and get his own way. In the end his arrogant had back fired on him and it had cost him his wife. It was all down to Andy, in a moment of sheer stupidity when he overheard how hard up they were to the point they were on the verge of losing the farm he had decided it was a good idea to burn down one of their barns so his dad could claim on the insurance and solve all their money worries.

Robert shuddered as memories of that awful day assailed him once again. He heard the sound of Sarah’s screams in his head, screams that at the time had shredded him to bits and tore at the fabric of his being. He recollected how she had screamed in terror as she realised she was trapped amidst the flames and then how her screams had taken on a whole new cadence, due to the agony of her being burnt alive. He desperately tried to put the memories aside, he couldn’t bear to think of the pain she must have been in in those last fatal moments. Robert knew that a part of him had died that tragic day to, that Sarah’s death had left a void in his life and it had ruined what remained of his childhood. Even now he still trembled at times when he read about fires killing people, it was his worst fear that he would die that way to.

Robert, with pure willpower alone managed to move on from his dark thoughts, as much as he didn’t want to he contemplated his dad’s third choice of wife. His feelings about Diane were sourer than usual because he was still smarting from her spitefulness concerning the wake. He sadly admitted to himself that Diane had never really been much of a mother to him, not it the way he wanted at least. She seemed to follow his dad’s lead in everything so when he made it clear that Andy was his golden boy and Vic his little princess she had likewise followed suit when it came to adoring his children. Robert felt that she had tolerated him at best because he was part of the package deal if she wanted to be with his dad. 

Robert did his best not to feel bitter about how she had stood by and watched his dad slowly destroy him. She had turned a blind to his dad’s mental cruelty towards him, his constant belittling of him for every little thing he did, no doubt she believed that he deserved it for being such a poor excuse of a son. To be fair she hadn’t liked his dad hitting him but she hadn’t intervened to stop him either, brushing each act of violent away. He wondered if he was being unfair, that a part of his resentment towards her was because she hadn’t been Sarah, he knew that Sarah would never have stood by and let his dad hurt him, she would have fought his corner and given Jack Sugden merry hell, she certainly would never have seen him chucked out of his home and she would never have forgotten his very existence the moment he was gone, like he suspected Diane had when he had been banished.

Robert suddenly grew wary of all his reminiscing, it was pointless torturing himself about things that could never be changed, the past was set in stone, he needed to look forwards if he was ever going to let himself finally heal.

Aaron and Liv stood watching Robert for awhile longer. They could see that he was upset about the latest shenanigans committed by his lamentable Emmerdale family. Aaron had seen the pain in his eyes as he had watched them leave, a part of him had wanted to go over and comfort him but when he had fleetingly met Robert’s eyes he had seen the no in them. Liv pulled at his elbow and he slowly and with great reluctance trudged back to the Woolpack.

As he walked away Aaron realised that he felt hurt by Robert’s rejection, he knew that they had agreed to be discrete until after the wake was over but now he wished he hadn’t acquiesced. The truth was he did want Robert to acknowledge him in front of his friends. When he had felt their eyes burning into him, it had left him feeling uneasy and insecure. His mind twisted him into knots, he allowed himself to wonder if the lack of introductions was because even now Robert was ashamed of him, didn’t think he was good enough to meet them. 

Aaron tried to dispel his negative thoughts, he knew deep down that he was being totally irrational and that Robert would give him merry hell for thinking such things, after all Robert had told him that he was going to take him to London so that he could meet everybody but now Aaron wasn’t so sure that that was what he wanted, looking at these strangers in their fancy clothes had given him cold feet and he despaired about fitting into their world and being accepted as one of them. 

Aaron had nearly reached the Woolpack when he heard his phone alerting him that he had a text. He quickly retrieved his phone from his pocket and saw Robert’s name on the screen. He smiled when he read the message, it helped restore his battered confidence. ‘Loved the suit, can’t wait to get you out of it later’. 

Aaron laughed and text back. ‘What makes you think your lucks in?’.

Aaron halted before going into the pub, awaiting a return text. ‘Wishful thinking on my part’.

Aaron continued with their text flirting. ‘Guess there’s no harm in wishing’.

Robert’s return text dampened Aaron’s light hearted mood. ‘It’s the only thing that’s keeping me going right now’.

Aaron felt his heart contract, he berated himself for all his recent negative thoughts. ‘You want me to come over now’

Robert text back. ‘After the wake. Will text you when I’m home. I am so going to need one of your hugs’

Aaron return text was brief as Liv was tapping her foot, waiting for him to finish so they could get out of the cold bitter wind and into the warmth. ‘Ditto’.

Aaron was just about to put his phone away when it bleeped again. He smiled from ear to ear when he read the message. ‘Love you’

Aaron texted back to the sound of Liv huffing at him to move it pronto before she froze to death ‘Love you more’.

Aaron finally put his phone away and went into the pub, he wasn’t happy about being there, it was the other wake that he wanted to be at and no doubt he would have to suffer in silence listening to poisonous gossip about Robert but then he rationalised to himself it was only for a few hours, just a brief moment in time that he had to endure until he could at long last be free of them all and embark on a new chapter in his life with his husband or as Liv had brutally put it reunion number three. Aaron hoped that three was as lucky as everybody claimed it to be.  
.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert’s friends stood at the graveside, waiting until Robert was ready to go to the wake, they could see that he was busy with his brother and sister so they spent the time glazing around them, taking in the dales and the far less attractive villagers who they had surmised weren’t fans of Robert if their indiscreet and far to loud comments were anything to go by. They laughed amongst themselves at how accurate Robert’s descriptions of them all were and how they thought that the person who was the recipient of their spite was deaf and wouldn’t be able to hear them talking at the top of their voices slagging them off.

They had surreptitiously looked over at Aaron, sizing him up, it was the first time they had seen him in the flesh after having chose in the past to avoid him at all costs despite Robert’s entreaties for them to give him a chance and get to know him. It had come as a shock to them all to hear that he was back on the scene, they had thought that after what he had done there would have been no way back for him, that Robert would never forgive him, yet here he was as large as life and if Harry was right he was back in Robert’s bed once more. They were glad that Harry had forewarned them about the developments, it prevented them from putting their feet in it big time. They debated amongst themselves whether to go over to say hello but before they could make their minds up, Aaron decided for them as he and his sister walked away, following in the path of the rest of the anti Robert brigade.

Harry went over to join them. They chatted amiably for a while, saying all the right things about how well the funeral had gone and all that before they moved on to the thing that was on the tip of their tongues, the thing that they really wanted to know all about, Aaron.

Gary was the first to voice his thoughts. “So has Robbie really taken his husband back again after everything he did to him?”.

Harry nodded. “Aye, the lad’s got his feet well and truly back under the table once more”.

Pete asked the next question, he got straight to the point. “How worried should we be about that?”.

Harry choose his words carefully. “There’s no need for any of you to worry, I’ve got it covered. I am going to keep my eye on Aaron Dingle and at the first sign of trouble he’s going to be out on his ear. There is no way I am going to stand by and watch him hurt Robbie ever again”.

John, Pete’s husband spoke for the first time. “I’ve heard what you have just said Harry but I’m still worried about Robbie’s safety. If we consider their history its suggests that its more than likely that something will kick off, they have had a pretty tempestuous relationship in the past to put it mildly so I can’t see how they won’t have more trouble in the future as well. I just don’t want to see Robbie hurt again so maybe it would be for the best if we intervene before any lasting damage is done, get Dingle out of the picture once and for all”.

Harry thought about John’s concerns “I hear what your saying, but I still think we need to stand back and let things take their course. I can’t put my finger on why but for some reason this time I think things are going to be different. For all his supposed shortcomings the lad really does love Robbie, you can see it in his eyes when he looks at him, he adores the ground he walks on”.

Gary grimaced in disgust at Harry last sentence. “As if Robbie needs another sycophant to worship him, he has more than enough of them already, what he really needs is somebody to kick his arse when he is being a dick”.

Harry laughed at what Gary had just said. “Before I meet Aaron I would never have wanted him back in Robbie’s life, but having met him I have come to change my opinion. I believe him when he says that he loves Robbie for himself, that the money is secondary and from what I have seen so far there is not an avaricious bone in the lad’s body, quite the opposite in fact, I think Robbie’s wealth unnerves him, makes him uncomfortable. Its definitely Robbie the man that he wants and as for him being a doormat because he is so smitten, well I have seen no sign of that being the case, I think he won’t be afraid of telling Robbie a few home truths if needs be”.

Pete was thoughtful for a minute. “You’ve seem them together at first hand, is Robbie truly happy again like he used to be when he was with Jamie, does he laugh and smile, is he at peace with the world”.

Harry nodded, the question had brought a lump to his throat and he found he needed a moment before he could answer. “I can’t give you an answer as to whether Robbie is completely back to normal, there has been to much going on. Annie’s death has hit him hard, she’s left a massive hole in his life and he’s had a tough time dealing with losing her, then on top of that he’s been emotionally in turmoil about Aaron, trying to decide whether he should or shouldn’t take him back”. 

Harry added as an afterthought. “Works also maniac and if that’s not enough there’s a new born baby to add into the mix that needs looking after. Its a miracle he’s still standing with everything that been going on, pulling him this way and that”

Gary latched on to what Harry had just said about Robert’s quandary in deciding what to do about Aaron. “So he does have his doubts then, its not a fait acompli after all that Aaron is back for good”.

Harry shook his head. “Oh he is back, Robbie has finally made up his mind that he wants him so we are all going to have to get used to having Aaron around”.

Gary spoke for them all. “I have done a lot of thinking about our stance in the past, we all spent so much time telling Robbie that he was throwing his life away on somebody so beneath him, we forced him to live a double life and look what happened because of it. I felt so guilty when his life imploded, it has ripped me shreds this last year seeing how unhappy he had been, I don’t ever want to see him in that kind of pain again”

Gary paused before continuing. “So I think that I speak for us all when I say that this time round for Robbie’s sake we need to give Aaron a chance to prove himself worthy of Robbie’s love”.

Harry nodded. “Aye, I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiments and to be fair the lad is not that bad when you get to know him, he’s descent enough, a bit rough around the edges at times but that can easily be fixed, if we apply a bit of polish he will be fine, suitable to mix with polite society”.

Harry and his friends laughed at Harry’s last sentence. All of them were aware of their relatively humble backgrounds, none of them had been born with a silver spoon in their mouths and they had the self awareness to appreciate how far they had come and not judge others from similar backgrounds who worked hard to make something of themselves. In their eyes it was the person that mattered, not their breeding.

Harry hesitated a moment before mentioning a sensitive subject. “He’s not Jamie, he never will be but as much as I loved the bones of my cousin I think that’s a good thing. Aaron is a much stronger, harder character, he’s will not be afraid of calling Robbie out so they will have a much more equal partnership but having said that there is also a softness to the lad, you should see him with the bairns, he’s a natural dad, Seb adores him and Annie seems to have taken to him and you know that she is already prickly like her dad, fussy about who she lets touch her”.

Harry paused again before adding his final thoughts. “I think that despite all our initial misgivings Aaron Dingle just might turn out to be a good husband to Robbie after all, he loves the bones of him for and start and he does make him happy”.

The four friends mulled over the Aaron conundrum, they were prevented from making further inroads on how to play things going forward, what to say to Aaron when they met him because Robert came over to join them and they thought it prudent to change the topic. Robert indicated that it was time to get out of the bitterly cold Yorkshire wind and they made their way to the wake he had planned.

As Robert and his family and friends made their way to the village hall Robert noticed out of the corner of his eye that Tommy had got waylaid by Kim Tate and her dull monotone odd job man Graham. His curiosity was peaked as to what was going on, the conversation on Kim’s side looked animated and Tommy looked bored. 

As he walked along Robert pondered what the argument could be about, whatever it was he thought it wasn’t going to be good, nothing was when Kim Tate was involved, the woman in his opinion was a nasty piece of work. He noticed that he wasn’t the only one that was witnessing the exchange, Kathy was to and if looks could kill Kim Tate would be in need of the same service as his gran had just had if his sister-in-law had her way. The hate on her face was tangible.

The Wake at the Woolpack – the Sugden's and the Villagers

Diane, Vic and Andy sat together at a table in the Woolpack, they looked like they had all been sucking lemons if the sour expressions on their faces were anything go by. There was only one topic of conversation that interested them at the moment. Robert.

Diane was the first to give her twopenn'orth. “It was the sheer cheek of it all that got to me, who did he think he was arranging everything without a bye or leave to us and then he fills the church will strangers, who were they all for heaven’s sake. 

Andy and Vic both shook their heads, they didn’t have a clue either.

Eric Pollard who was sitting close by chipped in what he knew. “I think I recognised a couple of them, Diane. One for definite and the other one I’m still racking my brain to put a name to a face”.

Diane interest was piqued. “Which one is it that you are sure about, pet”.

Eric replied. “One of them was definitely Kathy Glover, Jack’s former daughter in law but the name of the older woman that didn’t leave Robert’s side is still haunting me. I know that I know her from somewhere, but I just can’t put my finger on it, its driving me mad”.

Diane pondered over what Eric had said. “How did I not recognise Kathy. It seems so obvious now who she is. What I don’t get is why she’s here, the last I heard of her she lived in Australia with her latest husband”.

Eric replied. “Well, whatever reason she has it seems that she is part of the ‘Robert’ in crowd. I saw her talking to my mystery woman like they were old friends”.

Andy spoke for the first time. “I remember her now from my childhood. She was always fussing over Robert, took him in on more than one occasion when he upset dad so much he couldn’t bear the sight of him and chucked him out. She used to constantly lecture dad about how he should handle Robert differently, that he was going about things all the wrong way”.

Diane, hearing one hint of criticism against her beloved Jack reacted as she always did and went on the attack, she was scathing as she responded to Andy’s observations. “Well if she said that she was totally out of order, stupid woman, not even a saint could have dealt with Robert back then, he was a right nasty piece of work at times when he was a teenager, not that I’m not saying he isn’t a nasty price of work now, that lad was rotten to the core, he was the bane of your dad’s life, it was a blessing when he left, we were all well rid of him”. 

Andy continued sticking the knife in “What I still can’t believe is that he bought his fancy man with him to the funeral. I don’t think Robert has an ounce of shame and if my eyes didn’t deceive me his bloke was also very friendly with that woman whose name Eric can’t remember, you don’t think they have some weird three way thing going do you”.

Diane shuddered in horror at the thought. “I wouldn’t put anything past him”.

Diane shuddered again, this time in disgust. “It doesn’t bear thinking about”.

Aaron caught the tail end of the conversation as he walked in the pub with Liv in tow, he scowled in Andy’s direction, only stopping when Liv elbowed him and told him to behave, that he had promised Robert he would not lose his temper and create a scene.

Kim Tate sat nursing her G and T. She was deep in thought. Her conversation with Tommy Merrick hadn’t gone as planned. When she had told him that she wanted Whittaker Haulage he had practically laughed in her face. He had told her in no uncertain terms that the company wasn’t for sale at any price. She had pointedly told him that part of the company was rightfully hers, that Jimmy King had no right to have sold them Homes James when it hadn’t been his company to sell in the first place because he had embezzled the haulage firm from her which meant in her convoluted world that part of Whittaker’s was rightly hers now. She had been shocked when Tommy had just shrugged his shoulders and told her to take it up with Jimmy King, that it wasn’t anything to with him or more importantly Whittaker’s. To add insult to injury he had then marched off before she could retaliate, leaving her standing there like a lemon.

Graham interrupted her thoughts. “What are you scheming now”.

Kim gave him her look but it didn’t deter her henchman for long. “Whatever it is I’ll wager that somebody isn’t going to be happy being on the receiving end”.

Kim stared hard at him once more. “You can say that again. Tommy Merrick is going to deserve everything that is coming to him after the way he spoke to me, nobody treats me like that and lives to tell the tale”.

Graham looked at his employer and sometimes lover. “Well he certainly didn’t give you the answer that you wanted, but then surely you can’t have imagined for one minute that he was going to hand you Whittaker’s on a plate”.

Kim laid her cards on the table. “I always get whatever I want and at this moment in time I want Whittaker Haulage and somebody like Tommy Merrick isn’t going to stop me”.

Graham thought about Kim’s assertions. He was feeling increasingly uneasy about her latest obsession. He was racking his brains to understand where it all stemmed from, legally and practically there was no logical reason for her thinking she had any claim whatsoever to own the company that she had set her heart on. “You do know that it won’t be up to Tommy Merrick as to who gets to eventually own the company, he’s not the majority shareholder”.

Graham answered his own question. “That would be Robbie Merrick”. 

Graham paused to make sure he had Kim’s full attention before continuing. “I think you need to think very carefully about going up against somebody him, he’s a very rich, powerful and influential man, more powerful people than you have gone up against him and failed miserably, they say that his bite is fatal when he chooses to inject all his venom into it and maybe you would do well not to come into his biting range where he could sink his fangs into you if he wished to do so”.

Kim replied, she felt a little unnerved but refused to back down and lose face. “I have done my homework Graham, I know who he is but I doubt he pays much interest in such an insignificant part of his business empire, its tiny where you compare it to the rest of his business portfolio”. 

Kim made sure to sound confident as she added. “No all things considered I should be able to secure Whittaker’s before he even realises what is happening, make it a fait acompli”.

Graham sighed. There was no talking to Kim when she was in this mood. He make a mental note to himself to talk to her later, point out the one thing that she was stupidly ignoring. Robbie Merrick owned fifty-one percent of Whittaker’s and if he didn’t sign over his shares she didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting what she wanted. 

Kim added nastily. “Besides Robbie Merrick interests seem to be engaged elsewhere these days if village gossip is to be believed, all his attention is being taken up by Robert Sugden, his middle age rent boy, apparently he has installed him at that mansion he had built up the road for himself”. 

Graham grimaced in distaste at the mention of Robert Sugden, he had never liked the man, there was something about him that had always seem fake to him, as if he was always putting on a show to mask the real him, big himself up as if that would make a no mark like him anything less than ordinary. Graham thought that it would all have been funny if Sugden wasn’t so pathetic and needy a figure, that he had had to latch on to somebody he thought would make him special when the truth was that it was an impossible ask.

Graham watched the Sugden’s hold court, heard snippets of them vilifying their unwanted relative and thought that they were right to want nothing more to do with him. He was surprised when he saw them get up and leave the pub, he briefly wondered why before Kim once more engaged his attention. He sighed as he realised that she was still going on about Whittaker's and her plans to take them over. He heard her asking him why on earth Tommy Merrick had been at the funeral and why he had been talking to Robert Sugden, she said that it didn’t make any sense at all. Graham tried to zone out as best he could, not that he thought that Kim would have been interested in listening to his opinions away, she seemed to far gone for that in her ludicrous quest to own something that she had no conceivable right to.

Nicola was giving Jimmy the third degree as to why Tommy Merrick and Harry Morgan, his bosses at Whittaker's were doing at the funeral and more importantly why they seemed so pally with Robert. Her mind was working overtime, trying to make the connection. Jimmy tried to switch off from her mithering but she was having none of it. Jimmy sighed as she espoused her latest theory that Robert had been responsible for Home James going belly up. Jimmy agreed with her, but not in the way she thought, he was of the opinion that Nicola sacking Robert when he had been recovering from his brain tumour two years ago had been the turning point in Home James’ fortunes, Robert had been brains of the operation and he knew that they would never have gone bust if he had still been on board. 

Jimmy tried to ride the storm as Nicola whined on it that rasping, shrill voice of hers and counted his blessings, Whittaker’s was a great place to work and they were better off than they had been in years. He might no longer own his own business which meant he failed to satisfy his wife’s snobby pretensions but on a personal level he was happier than he had been in years, Whittaker’s were a fantastic company, they were going places and somehow, he Jimmy King against all the odds was a shareholder and part of their success. No life for him was good and he wasn’t going to knock it.

Diane, Vic and Andy checked the time and realised that the solicitor should be due any minute, they got up and went to Diane’s house to await him. Liam watched them go, he turned to Bernice, asking her what was kicking off now.

Bernice grimaced as her mother and her step children departed, there were times when she wondered if when push came to shove who she would chose, her or Jack Sugden’s children, well those two at any rate, she didn’t give Robert a second thought when it came to her mother’s choice of sibling favouritism. 

When no answer was forthcoming Liam asked directly why his in-laws had departed the wake so abruptly. “Where have they gone to, Bernice?”.

Bernice looked at her husband. “The solicitor in charge of Annie’s affairs is coming round to read her will, they have no doubt gone home to meet him, see what she has left them”.

Liam thought about it. “Will Robert be there to?”.

Bernice laughed mirthlessly. “I doubt that very much, after today’s display I think that those three would rather see him in hell first. I have to say Liam, that I was torn in two today, obviously I needed to be loyal to mum, take her side but I felt terrible that I didn’t offer my commiserations to Robert, after all Annie was his gran to and he really loved her if that eulogy was anything to go by”.

Liam nodded. “I think you are right my love and as much as I don’t want to criticise I must say I thought their behaviour was off, they should at least have been civil to Robert whatever they think of his personal life”.

Bernice nodded. “You don’t have to tell me that, you are preaching to the converted here and besides Robert’s love life has always been tricky and they haven’t been so judgemental about it before so why are they choosing now to be so self righteous about who he is sleeping with”. 

Bernice added before Liam could get a word in edge ways. “Any way if gossip is to be believed this latest bloke of Robert’s is meant to be a very respectable man so I can’t see what their objections are, I would have thought having a successful, multi millionaire businessman in the family was what any body with an ounce of sense would want, just think of all the benefits”.

Liam tried not to roll his eyes, his wife did have a unique way of thinking at times. “I’m sure that Robert would have understood why you couldn’t have talked him at the funeral, my dear”.

Bernice replied. “Do you really think so, Liam?”.

Bernice thought for second before adding. “Maybe we should go to see him now, explain about earlier, make him realise we weren’t really snubbing him when we ignored him”.

Liam shuddered at the idea, he thought, one if his wife was caught conversing with the so called enemy by her mum all hell would break lose and secondly that Robert wouldn’t be overly thrilled at having to endure Bernice’s pearls of wisdom right this minute. “Maybe we should wait until tomorrow, my love, let things calm down a bit first”.

Bernice nodded. “That’s a very good idea, Liam, we will go and visit Robert tomorrow, after all if he is going to be living in these parts again he will need to register at the surgery and its only natural that the local head doctor should pay him a visit and then that will give me an opening to let him know that its was mum’s fault I didn’t talk to him today”.

Bernice smiled, she was always happy when things were sorted out in her mind. “You know Liam, Robert and I always had a good rapport, the pair of us are two kindred spirits, he always knew that my door was open to him if he needed my counselling skills, have the benefit of my pearls of wisdom in dealing with sensitive matters and I am sure he will be delighted to see us, we can all have a good catch up, he can introduce us to his new bloke and we can tell him our happy news, I bet he doesn’t even know that we are married, if he had I am sure he would have sent us a present, wished us all the best”.

Liam was left speechless at his wife’s delusions, he noticed that he wasn’t the only one to feel the same way, his step daughter Gabby and her friend Liv were rolling their eyes at Bernice’s misconceptions. He glared at them to pull themselves together before Bernice noticed and went back to talking to his wife, being careful to say the right things and not burst her bubble. He smiled to himself, his wife might not be the sharpest tool in the box but she had her heart in the right place most of the time and she did make him happy. 

Aaron sat nursing a pint counting down the minutes until he could be with Robert, he was still half listening to the gossip around him and realised it would be for the best if he just zoned out all the chat or he was seriously liable to want to punch somebody. His lip curled in distaste at all the bull shit that was coming out of everybody's mouths, if only they knew the truth they wouldn’t be saying such crap. He noticed his mother looking at him and he deliberately turned his eyes away from her, she was one of the worst offenders when it came to winding him up, as soon as he had entered the pub she was off on one again, in the end he had to snarl at her to back off and remove himself from her orbit before he lost it big time. 

 

The Wake at the Village Hall – The Merrick's and Robert’s friends

Doug and Brenda elected to go to the wake that Robert was providing. On Doug’s part it was because he was rankled with Diane, he thought that she had been petty to have ruined Robert’s plans by organising her own do and also deep down despite him being a prickly so-and-so at times having got to know Robert better than most due to having dated his step-mother he had developed a soft spot for the lad. On Brenda’s part she had been dying of curiosity about who all Robert’s posh looking friends were and wanted to gen up on all the gossip so she could regale all that crossed the threshold of her cafe with her superior up-to-date knowledge.

Brenda was watching Robert closely, he was surrounded by people and she was desperately trying to guess which one of them was Robbie Merrick. She had spotted at least three candidates that fitted the age range although they all looked to tall, earlier gossip had it that Robbie Merrick was a short, chubby man in his late fifties and there wasn’t anybody like that in sight. She did see a silver headed man that matched the description that Andy Sugden had regaled everybody with but as she prided herself as being a much more superior veteran of gossip than him she wasn’t convinced he had got it right either with who he thought was Robbie Merrick.

As Brenda looked around her she found that there was only one person she recognised, Priya. The young woman was attached to the arm of a tall ginger headed man who was talking to a couple of men in what she guessed were their late fifties or early sixties. She took a closer look and recognised them as two of the pole bearers who had carried Annie’s coffin. 

Just as Brenda was about to implode with nosiness a solution to her fact finding mission presented its self.

Robert noticed Doug and Brenda sitting at a table, he was surprised to see them. As he had fully morphed once more into being Robbie Merrick, a much more polite and sociable version of himself than Robert Sugden had ever been he felt duty bound to thank them for coming. Robert detached himself from the group he had been talking to and headed their way, as he walked towards them an idea formulated in his mind, what better way of changing the nature of the gossip being spread about him than talk to one of the biggest gossips in the village, the woman could turn out to PR heaven if he played it right. 

Doug was the first to talk when Robert took his seat at their table. “It’s a grand do you have got here lad, its a pity that more people didn’t come, they are missing a treat”

Robert smiled cordially, trying not to smirk at what Doug’s idea of a treat was. “It seems I was gazumped by Diane offering a better alternative”.

Brenda chipped in. “Diane should never had done that, its a poor show by her to ruin your do, if you ask me I think she did it out of spite”.

Doug concurred. “It was spite, no mistake. You know there are times where I wonder if she is still the same woman I used to go out with, there’s a right nasty streak in her these days, I can’t say I have liked what I have seen lately”.

Robert fixed another smile on his face as he replied, he tried to steer them away from Diane. “Anyway, lets not dwell on the negative, today was all about Annie and giving her a good send off, the rest doesn’t matter”.

Doug nodded. “I admire your sentiments lad, that’s a good way of thinking about her behaviour, don’t let her spoil things for you”.

Brenda joined in with the conversation, now the formalities were over she wanted the juicy bits of gossip so she could pass them on. “Well I have to say Robert that you are looking well these days and so smart to, that’s a lovely suit you are wearing, I would imagine it was very expensive but then I hear you have moved up in the world since we last met so you need to dress accordingly”.

Robert tried not to laugh at Brenda’s tasteless remarks, he suspected that there were more gems to come and wondered what her next topic would be. In a weird macabre way he was enjoying himself, she might be crude but at least she actually asked what she wanted to know.

Brenda carried on. “I’ve heard that you are back in the area as well, somebody told me that you are living at Mere Place with your new boyfriend, I must say that the mansion looks very grand from the outside, I bet its even better on the inside...”

Doug interjected. “Honestly Brenda, leave Robert be, it not our place to pry into his private business, he can live where he likes, with whom he wants and dress how he pleases”.

Brenda was put out, she turned on Doug. “Well I was just trying to show an interest, be friendly, there’s no need to snap”

Robert laughed, the woman was priceless. “There is no need to worry, no offence has been taken”.

Robert decided to have some fun, he did his best to keep a straight face as he continued. “Actually I find it refreshing that you are asking me outright what you want to know, it more than everybody else is doing, they seem to make assumptions all day long, the things I’ve heard about what people are currently saying about me, they are lurid to say the least, they make me sound so wicked and money grabbing”.

Doug interjected. “Well that’s one of the biggest problems about Emmerdale, lad, people like to gossip and they also like to jump to conclusions”. 

Doug rambled on before anybody else could reply. “You know there is a saying about making assumptions and that is they can makes an ass of out you and me”

Brenda looked at Robert, there was a twinkle in her eye as she cut in before Doug could get in his stride and bore them into submission. “So are you going to enlighten us or not about you being back and how you came to be living in such style”.

Much to Brenda’s disgust just as she thought she was about to hit the gossip jackpot James walked over and told Robert that Jeremy was about to leave and wanted to talk to him before he went. Robert offered his apologies and made his escape, leaving James behind to deal with Brenda’s burgeoning curiosity. 

Robert made his way over to Jeremy Bamforth, his former boss, mentor and one of his surrogate dads. They chatted for a while and then Jeremy conscious of the time asked Robert to walk him to his car. Just as he was about to get in Robert spoke to him “Thank you so much for coming, Jeremy, I know that you had to juggle your schedule to be here and its means a lot that you did”.

Jeremy smiled at his favourite son. He gently patted him on the cheek.“It was no trouble at all, dear boy, I just wish I didn’t have to dash off so soon, I was hoping that I could have stayed longer and had you cook one of your wonderful dinners for me”.

Jeremy paused a moment, there was something serious that he needed to discuss before he went and he was trying to pick the right words. “Daniel told me that Aaron attended the funeral”.

Robert nodded. “He did”.

Jeremy was reflective for a moment when he considered Robert’s answer. “So am I to understand that you and your estranged husband are on a more cordial footing these days?”.

Robert bit at his lower lip. He was apprehensive about what Jeremy would think but he knew he needed to be truthful. He took a deep breath before he replied. “We are back together again”.

Jeremy sighed, he had known deep down that it was the case but it didn’t make him happy to have it confirmed so baldly. “I sure you gave the matter a lot of thought but are you sure you are doing the right thing, Robert”.

Robert smiled tentatively as he replied. “I don’t think you can ever be one hundred percentage sure about anything but as far as I can be I think that its the right decision. I love him and he makes me happy”.

Jeremy looked closely at Robert, saw the sincerity in his eyes, mingled with apprehension as to the response his words were going to get. He voice was clipped as he replied. “Very well, if that’s your decision. I can’t honestly say that I am happy about this development but it is your life after all, you must lead it as you see fit”. 

Jeremy saw that his words had stung the younger man, he felt a wave of compassion for Robert and decided to offer him an olive branch. “Since you seem hell bent on being with this man I think its about time I met him. Call me tomorrow and we can arrange a suitable time for us to have dinner together in the near future”. 

Jeremy added before Robert could reply. “I want to see first hand what kind of man he is and if he is remotely worthy of you, dear boy”.

Robert gasped in surprise at the invitation. “You mean that, you’ll actually meet him”.

Jeremy smiled, he reached out and touched Robert on the arm. “I think its about time, don’t you”.

Jeremy got into his car, before he allowed his chauffeur to close the door he had some final words for Robert. “All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy and for some inexplicable reason it seems that his man is the only one that can make that happen, so as much as we are all still very wary about him I think its time we supported you”.

Jeremy added, there was a hint of poignancy in his voice as he spoke. “Maybe if I amongst others had done so in the past things won’t have turned out the way they did”.

Robert felt tears spring to his eyes. He lent into the car and kissed Jeremy on the cheek, his smile conveying his gratitude at the older man’s support. They said their final goodbyes before Jeremy left.

Robert stayed outside for a while, inhaling the crisp fresh air, giving himself a moment of respite before he went back to having to socialise with his dwindling guests. Pete, John, Giles, Louise and Aggie had all departed earlier to attend a meeting that had been scheduled weeks ago, a meeting that was too important to cancel. Robert wished that he could have gone with them, it would have helped distract him from his grief, given him a few blessed moments of respite from thinking about what he had lost. 

Robert sighed to himself, shook of his melancholy and forced himself to move and make his way back to the Village Hall. As he rejoined his guests his eyes were drawn to the only Emmerdale inhabitants, he allowed himself a wry smile as he saw that James was looking flustered, no doubt Brenda was in her element trying to extract as much information as she could from him and knowing that the woman had no filter he suspected that James was fielding some very tricky questions. He felt a tinge of guilt at having dumped him in it when he caught the pained expression on his brother-in-law face at what he imagined had been yet another inappropriate comment and debated with himself if he should intervene when Richard Whittaker caught up with him. “You look like you could do with a drink, lad”.

Robert smiled. “I was thinking the same, but not the alcoholic variety, although you’re welcome to a dram if you want”.

Robert and Richard got their drinks and sat down at a table. Robert spoke first. “As good as it is to see you, you were the last person I expected to see today, I thought you would be enjoying the warmth of Australia not freezing in our intemperate Yorkshire climate”.

Richard replied. “I was back in the country for a visit, its just coincidence that it coincided with Annie’s funeral. When I heard the news I realised that I would be able to come and pay my respects”. 

Richard added wistfully. “You know Jamie used to think the world of her, he always said that Annie was a grand old lady, one of a kind and to be fair anybody who loved you was alright with Jamie, it made him love them in return”.

Robert smiled back, there was a touch of sadness to his reply as he remembered the man that he had once loved so very much, who had broken his heart when he died. “Annie thought the world of him to, she always said he was a lovely, sweet boy, that he didn’t have a bad bone in his body, she was so upset when he...”

Richard put a reassuring hand on Robert’s forearm, trying to comfort him. “We all were, laddie”. 

Richard mused out loud. “I wonder if he and Annie are in heaven right now, drinking tea and chatting away until the cows come home”.

Robert laughed gently. “I won’t be at all surprised, the two of them did love to natter over a brew”, 

Robert quickly added. “Unfortunately most of the time they were comparing notes on all my faults, real and imagined”.

It was Richard’s turn to laugh. “Aye, there were times when you used to make them want to tear their hair out”. 

Richard pondered a moment as he remembered the past. “Jamie always said you worked to hard, said he practically had to kidnap you to make you take a holiday and I know Annie agreed with him, I know she used to read the riot act to you at times to slow down and relax, that it wasn’t a crime to do nothing, but you know what, underneath all her scolding she loved you so much, she was so proud of you and what you have achieved”. 

Richard continued, there was a touch of wistfulness in his voice as he spoke. “I think it was their love for you that bound Annie and Jamie so closely together. They both adored you, despite your faults and foibles, they saw beyond the prickles, saw what a kind, loving man you are deep down with a big heart full of pure gold”.

Richard added. “I hope this husband of yours will love you just as much as they did, you deserve to be loved and cherished”.

Robert felt the ever present tears threaten once more on this day steeped with emotion. He determinedly pulled himself together and smiled ruefully at the man who had so nearly been his father-in-law. “I can see Harry has been busy”.

Robert quickly added before Richard could reply. “I don’t think there is a family member or friend that doesn’t know about Aaron and me getting back together again”.

Richard smiled at Robert at first, but then his mood turned pensive, there was a sombre tone to his voice when he replied. “When Jamie died, I cast you adrift, I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, I will forever feel the shame of how I treated you back then and I don’t ever want to be that man again”. 

Richard halted, he knew that his next words were going to cause Robert distress but he needed to say them. “If Jamie had had the chance to speak to me before he died he would have asked me to take care of you, protect you from yourself if needs be so I have to ask you, are you sure that you are doing the right thing in taking your husband back after what he did to you, will you be safe with him?”.

Robert felt his heart constrict, all this talk about Jamie was making him nostalgic, bringing back so many memories, some happy, some sad but then he mused this was what funerals did, they made you reminisce about the past, made you remember what you buried deep inside out of harms way. He felt battered by his emotions, he suddenly wanted to escape, get away from it all but he knew duty forbade him from doing so. He looked at Richard waiting expectantly for his answer and pulled himself together to reply. “I appreciate your concern, it means a lot to me that you care”.

Robert paused, he placed his hand on Richard’s as he continued, the older man squeezed it back in solidarity. “But I have thought it through very carefully and I believe that taking him back is the right thing”. 

Robert added a proviso “There is a possibility that it could all end in tears but I need to give Aaron and me one last go at getting things right and from the numerous conversations we have had lately I believe we do have a fighting chance this time of getting our happy ever after”.

Richard squeezed Robert’s hand again, trying to reassure him that he was on his side. “If that’s the case, then I’m pleased for you laddie, as I’ve said before all I want is for you to be happy”.

Robert felt the tears building up behind his eyes. Richard seeing he was getting emotional tried to steer him to more practical matters. “How about we change the subject and move on to safer ground. Why don’t you tell me about how you are transforming Whittaker Haulage beyond all my recognition”.

Robert smiled, grateful for the diversion and started to tell Richard about all his plans for the company.

Richard nodded his head from time to time as Robert spoke of the acquisition that was going through next week and the organic growth that was planned. When Robert had finished speaking Richard shared his thoughts on what he had heard. “Very impressive, I knew I was doing the right thing selling Whittaker’s to you, you are doing me proud keeping my family’s legacy alive”.

Robert smiled at the compliment, it meant an awful lot to him that Richard was pleased with his efforts. He was disquieted, however, when Richard make any enquiry about a scene he had witnessed. “I saw Kim Tate talking to Tommy, I couldn’t hear everything but the body language between the two of them suggested that things weren’t cordial”.

Robert sighed. “Its nothing to be worried about”.

Richard raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure?”.

Robert could see that he would have to elaborate. “Kim Tate has got it into her head that I should give Whittaker’s to her”.

Richard laughed out loud, he had to hand it to the woman, she had brass neck cheek in abundant.

Robert laughed as well. “She’s being absurd of course, there is no conceivable reason for her to think that she has any entitlement to the company. The only tenuous link there may be between us is my buying Home James Haulage. I’m sure I remember telling you how Nicola King shafted both Kim and me when she helped herself to my erstwhile fifty percent shareholding, the shares that Joe Tate extorted from me”.

Richard pondered Robert’s answer for a moment. “I remember you telling me about that, I seem to recall that you weren’t amused to say the least, if fact I seem to recall that you said when the moment was right you would get your shares back, however, that aside there might be another reason for her avaricious desire to get her hands on the company”.

Robert ears perked up, he waited for Richard to explain further. “I don’t know how much you remember about what I told you about Whittaker’s history but as I am sure you realise we like all company’s have had our competitors over the years. Over thirty years ago our main competitor was Tate Haulage. In the early nineties things were grim, we were is the middle of a recession, scraping around for far to little work to keep us all going. To cut a long story short Tate’s messed up, they put virtually all their eggs in one basket, became reliant on one major client and when that client went bust it all but destroyed their business, they only way they managed to survive was by downscaling their business to a few trucks until they could gradually build the business up again. Naturally their existing clients lost confidence in their ability to fulfil their haulage contracts, they thought that they were going under so the majority of them ditched Tate’s and went elsewhere”. 

Robert smiled as the dots began to join together. “So would I be right is saying that back then elsewhere meant Whittaker’s?”.

Richard smiled back. “It did indeed. We picked up virtually all their business. I remember Frank Tate was apoplectic at the time, you should have heard what he called me but he was powerless to do anything about it, he had that fancy estate he had bought draining his resources so he was split between saving his status as lord of the manor and trying to put Tate Haulage back on the map, he didn’t have time for vendettas back then and at the end of the day he understood that with the recession tightening it hold on us all it was survival of the fittest. If the boot had been on the other foot he would have done the same to me”. 

Robert laughed ruefully. “So correct me if I’m wrong but are you trying to tell me that Kim Tate is trying to settle a score over thirty years old against a company that you no longer have a controlling interest in”.

Richard nodded. “I think its a feasible assumption and to be honest I wouldn’t put anything past her, she wasn’t daubed Lady Macbeth for nothing and didn’t you say that when she bought Home Farm she sent Joe Tate ahead of her to do her dirty work, settle old scores against the people that she had perceived had done her wrong over twenty years ago”.

Robert thought about it. “Your right, she does have a very vindictive streak and the resources to do a lot of harm but she’s going to get a very nasty shock if she thinks that she is going to cross me a second time. I might have chosen to turn a blind eye when that pathetic jumped up wannabe Joe Tate conspired to get my shares in Home James but Whittaker’s is a whole different kettle of fish. One wrong move from her and I am going to teach her a lesson she will never forget”.

Richard laughed. “I would expect nothing less from you lad”.

Robert looked stern as he replied. “Your right to expect the best from me, I make you a promise when you sold me Whittaker’s, that I would carry on the family business and keep the company safe from harm and it is a promise I will never break, for your sake and for Jamie’s”. 

Brenda had been monitoring Robert from afar. She turned to James. “Is Robert alright, he looks sad and then cross about something?”.

James looked to where the nosy old bat was staring. He had seen Robert wipe a tear from his eye a short time ago and hadn’t been the least bit surprised at what he had seen, he had known that seeing Richard, Jamie’s dad again would bring back painfully memories for his brother-in-law but Brenda was right, Robert did look agitated about something. He tried to deflect the woman’s insatiable curiosity. “I think Robert’s okay, its probably just the day getting to him, it nothing to worry about, I’m sure he’s fine”.

Brenda nodded, her curiosity though was still not sated so she pressed on. “So if you don’t mind me asking who is it that Robert is talking to?”.

Doug rolled his eyes in exasperation at Brenda’s latest in a long list of questions, not that she took the hint that it was time she should mind her own business. 

James had to admit that whilst he was a bit of an old windbag, Doug had a good heart and reading between the lines he thought that the man genuinely cared about Robert. He decided to humour the woman for Doug’s sake. “He’s called Richard Whittaker”.

Brenda was disappointed. “So he’s not Robbie Merrick then”.

James had to stop himself from a bout of childish sniggering, it was her third clumsy attempt to identify the elusive businessman. At first she had thought he was Robbie Merrick, he had then corrected her and told her his name was James Morgan, which had then entailed him having to give her an in-depth resume about himself and his family before she was satisfied, then Jeremy Bamforth was the next candidate that appeared on her radar and now it was Richard’s turn. 

James was finding it increasing hard to suppress the urge he had to tell her who Robbie Merrick actually was, a part of him wanted to see the incredulous look on her face when he told her it was Robert, he was sure that it would be a picture priceless to behold seeing her mouth gape open like a fish. 

Any thoughts James had of enlightening her disappeared when the Sugden trio appeared in their midst. He was instantly filled with trepidation when he saw their faces, the whole three of them looked like thunder. He had a premonition that it didn’t bode well so he got up and made his way to where his brother-in-law was just in case thing got ugly and his assistance was needed.

Robert saw the new arrivals and got up and went to meet them. He was stopped in his tracks when he saw the mixture of hate and anger on their faces, he was on the verge of saying something when Victoria beat him to it. “Just when I though you couldn’t stoop any lower you go and surpass yourself”. 

Robert was taken aback at the venom in his sister’s voice. “What are you talking about?”.

Victoria spat out her next words. “I’m talking about how you tricked a vulnerable old lady into signing over the deeds of her villa to you before she died, honesty Robert is there nothing that you won’t do, its bad enough that you have shamed the whole family by shacking up with your sugar daddy in that mansion of his, no doubt milking him for every penny you can get but this, stealing from your gran is low even by your despicable standards, how could you do it”.

Diane joined the fray. “If your dad was alive he would be so ashamed of what you have done, the poor man must be turning in his grave at what a disgusting, despicable piece of work you’ve become and as for Sarah, well she would be heartbroken to, she always had such high hopes for you, god know why because you were such a nasty spiteful boy”.

Robert stood there speechless, his feet routed to the spot, he wanted the ground to swallow him whole, he didn’t know what to say or where to look, the humiliation crippled him as he imagined what everybody must be thinking after hearing what Vic and Diane had said about him. He barely registered Harry putting his arm around his shoulders and gently moving him away from the firing line.

Sandie along with everybody else had listened to what both Vic and then Diane had to say. She was angrily seething in indignation about the injustice of it all, how dare they come here and speak to Robert like that. As she looked at them, the venom began to cause through her, she was about to give them both a piece of her mind when Vic piped up again, spewing even more poison towards Robert’s retreating back. “That’s right, run away like the coward you are, but we are not going to let the matter drop, we are going to contest the will and report you to the police for swindling an old lady, you are...”

Victoria didn’t get any further. Sandie sicken by what she had heard finally lost her self control and delivered a resounding slap to her step sister’s face. The sound reverberated around the deathly silent hall accompanied by several sharp intakes of breath from the astonished onlookers. 

Once the slap was administered Sandie followed it up with a stinging denouncement directed at Vic initially and then encompassing Diane and Andy, the anger was all to apparent in her voice as she well and truly let rip. “How dare you come here and speak to my brother like that, trying to humiliate him in front of everybody he knows, well I can tell you now you are wasting your time trying to make him look bad in front of us, we aren’t going to turn against him because you come in here and start shouting the odds, dripping your poison. It might work in Emmerdale, all those pathetic excuses for human being in that god forsaken village will probably lap up all your rubbish, your twisted lies because they always want to believe the worst of Robert but not us, never us because we know him, we know the manner of man he is”.

Sandie paused to glance around the room. “When I look at the people here today excluding those to come from Emmerdale of cause, I can honestly say that we all love Robbie without reservation. We all think he is amazing, such a wonderful, kind, loving generous man who would do anything for the people he loves with ever asking anything in return”. 

As her words flowed Sandie noticed that her salvo had left the uninvited trio looking notably uneasy. Whilst Sandie thought she was probably responsible in part for their agitation she didn’t discount the looks of approbation emanating from the rest of Robert’s family and friends to have helped to add to their mortification. She felt gratified that everyone was on the same page as her and wanted to incinerate them on the spot. She couldn’t resist one last stab of the knife. “I used to talk to Annie on a regular basis and I know for a fact that she adored Robert, she loved him so very much and if she was here today, if she had listened to what you have just said she would have been so ashamed of you, it would have sadden her that you could have stooped so low as to have behaved so deplorably at her wake”. 

After Sandie finished her tirade there was an uncomfortable silence in the hall, nobody knew what to say or look for that matter. James came over to Sandie’s side, he could see that his wife was still incandescent with fury and tried to lead her away before anything more could kicked off. As he reached for her she pulled away from him. She step closer to the trio and snarled at them “What the hell are you still doing here, get your sorry arses our of my sight because I swear to god if you don’t go I won’t be able to contain myself a moment longer, I’m grab the lot of you by your scrawny necks and drag you out of here kicking and screaming”

Vic was speechless, she gingerly touched her cheek, it smarted, the woman had really put some force into the slap. Despite being told to go, she found that she was rooted to the spot, her limbs not capable of making her move. She looked at Diane and Andy and saw that they to were shell shocked. She make the mistake of glancing at the people around her, saw the looks of condemnation in their eyes, some of them openly hostile, angrily glaring at her and she blanched. Her eyes sought out Robert, at that moment she wanted her big brother to come to her rescue, to protect her as he had in days gone by but he was surrounded by people who were shielding him from her view so it made it impossible that he would see her entreaty for help.

A ginger haired man came to join the couple. He looked at Diane, Vic and Andy and politely told them once again to leave. Vic looked at her step mother and brother and they finally began to beat a retreat.

Before they scurried back to the Woolpack, Diane couldn’t resist one last dig. “Don’t think you have heard the last of this Robert, we are not going to let you get away with your shenanigans this time, you will be hearing from our solicitors, mark my words”.

Robert sat in stunned silence as he listened to Sandie berate his paternal relations. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out all the ugliness surrounding him but the anger in his sister voice made it impossible, the shrill tone penetrated his defences. In normal circumstance he would have been gratified at the way Sandie was fighting his corner but today of all days he just wanted the world to stop, let him be and she was if possible making things worse. He opened his eyes and saw that Harry had been joined by Gary, Daniel and Richard, he smiled weakly at them. Richard put a hand on his arm, the sympathy emanating from him. It was nearly Robert’s undoing, he gulped hard, trying with all his might not to breakdown in floods of tears. 

Robert took more deep breaths to regulate his emotions, he mocked himself for his complacency, he had thought that he had somehow managed to escape relatively unscathed on this bloody awful day, that none of his worst case scenarios had happened but yet again his dad’s family had to ruin things and live up to the low expectations he had for them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sandie and James approach him and realised that the scene had to be over, he finally registered that it was quiet once more. He looked around him and saw that the intruders had gone, as he refocused on his sister and brother-in-law he saw the pity in their eyes, it was the final straw, he felt something inside him break, the tears began to slowly trickle down his face. He put his hand over his eyes to hide, trying to shield his pain from public view whilst he struggled to regain his compose, but he was to far gone now to stop the tears and he began to sob in earnest. 

Sandie felt something inside her break at seeing her brother in such distress, it torn at her heart and she wished now that she hadn’t let the gruesome trio escape so lightly, at that moment in time she truly hated them for their destructiveness and cruelty. She went quickly over to her brother, the others cleared the way so she could sit down beside him. Sandie tenderly wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. She felt James gently touch her on the shoulder, it gave her strength to help pull her brother back from the abyss. 

Whilst they waited patiently for Robert to calm down Harry began to put a close to the wake, he sent the surplus family and friends who were still intent on staying back to Mere Place so they could all get away from prying eyes and await Robert and his parents return.

Doug and Brenda held back from the fray, both of them had been shocked at the turn of events. Doug felt his heart go out to Robert, the lad hadn’t deserved to be treated like that, Brenda for once was in agreement with him, a part of her had always resented the fact that Diane was Doug’s ex so seeing her in a bad light came easier than it should have and she did genuinely feel that Robert had been hard done by, whilst she was honest enough to admit that she wasn’t his greatest fan he hadn’t been the worst person in the village, there were others far far worse than him in her book and Doug liked him so that was a plus in his favour. 

Doug went over to where James was, the man saw him and walked closer to bridge the gap between them, wanting to keep Robert out of his reach in case he made matters even worst. Doug looked at James and smiled sadly. “I think its best if Brenda and me say our goodbyes, I imagine that you want some privacy”.

James nodded. “Well we are going to wrap things up here, I think it best that we take Robbie home now, I think he’s had enough for one day”.

Doug nodded in agreement. “I think your right, poor lad, today can’t have been easy for him, burying his gran must have been hard enough without all this aggro on top. When he’s in a better place can you pass on our regards, tell him that we didn’t think he deserved to be treated like that”. 

James smiled. “I will at that, thank you for your kindness, its appreciated”. 

James felt the need to add more. “You know it will mean a lot to him, especially as you come from Emmerdale where his name is mud”.

Doug shook his head. “Unfortunately Emmerdale is a place where some folk like to think badly of others, even when in most cases they should be sorting out their own faults first before they criticise anyone else”.

James laughed, Doug might be an incurable windbag but the man had his heart in the right place. He suddenly felt the need to reach out to the man for the kindness he had shown towards Robert, an oasis in the desert so to speak, especially after all the snide remarks he had overheard directed towards Robert during the funeral and the committal ceremony. “Wise words indeed. I look forward to hearing more of them when you come to look at the gardens”.

Doug beamed from ear to ear. “I’ll look forward to it and I can give you lots of advice regarding the allotment, there nothing that I don’t know about the finer arts of growing tiptop vegetables”.

James tried his best not to grimace, lengthy discourses on the art of growing spuds wasn’t really on his to do list in his retirement but he had made his bed so to speak. He exchanged numbers with Doug before the couple took their leave.

James turned his attention back to Robert, he had calmed down now and Sandie was propelling towards the door. James heart wrenched when he saw how broken his brother-in-law looked but mercifully at least the tears had stopped. He went over to join them so he could help his wife guide her brother to the door and to the waiting car that would take them back home where they could gain some much needed sanctuary from unwelcome foe.

Mere Place – The conservatory – late afternoon

Kathy sat in the conservatory, she was with Sandie, James, Harry, Priya, Tommy, Marcie, Richard, Gary and Danie l. Her anger ebbed and flowed, she couldn’t stop seething about the scene that Victoria had created at the wake and to make matters worst, to add to her ire she heard Tommy tell everyone about Kim Tate and her preposterous demands that Whittaker’s be placed in her greedy paws. She was just about to tell everybody what she thought about her nemesis when she was distracted when Robert came into view. He was cradling his baby daughter Annie in his arms, with Seb and Freddie following closely in his wake. Kathy studied her brother-in-law carefully, he looked drawn but his eyes were no longer red so she assumed that he was once more in control of his feelings and back on an even keel. 

Robert came and sat down amongst them, he looked a little sheepish at first, still embarrassed about his breakdown earlier on but it wasn’t long before his family and friends rallied around him and made him feel at ease in their company. He was deeply grateful to them all and soon they had him chatting away, talking about inconsequential things far removed from the troubled waters of hostile relatives.

As time passed Robert noticed that Kathy seemed agitated, he made the mistake of asking her why. Kathy couldn’t help herself, she dragged Robert right back into the mire again. “I’m just so angry about what happened at the wake and then Kim bloody Tate had to show up, Tommy told us about her demands, I hope you are going to put her in her place, there’s no way that greedy bitch...”

Robert didn’t want to hear it, he had had enough, besides he didn’t want this kind of talk happening in front of Seb so he interrupted Kathy before she could say any more. “Can you please let the matter drop for now, I just want a quiet evening where I can forget about everything for a few blessed hours, enjoy some quality time with my family and friends”.

Kathy thought about Robert request for a minute. “I’m sorry Robert but I can’t do that, I need to go and see Diane and Vic, I can’t let them get away with what they said, by now they will have badmouthed you to all and sundry and there is not way that I am going to let people think you stole from you gran, Annie and Sarah would never forgive me if I didn’t do something”.

Robert sighed. “Kathy, I don’t want you to do anything, so can you please just leave it for my sake”.

Kathy shook her head. “I sorry but I can’t”.

With that Kathy got up and walked out of the room. Robert sighed in resignation, Kathy was a strong willed woman with a mind of her own and unless he took her prisoner there was no way he was going to stop her going to the Woolpack. Harry saw the look of consternation cross his uncle’s face and came to the rescue. “I’ll go with Kathy, make sure that things don’t get out of hand, I’ll let her say her piece and then I will bring her back home out of harm’s way”.

Robert didn’t reply, he was so fed up at this latest turn of events he refused to deal with the matter. Harry looked towards his parents for guidance and they nodded their heads in agreement with his plan. Harry got up and went after his aunt Kathy, Priya hot on his heels just in case her fiancé needed help with his fiery relative, sometimes she thought it needed a woman’s touch to calm things down.

The Woolpack

Kathy walked into the Woolpack, Harry and Priya in close proximity. She took time to take in her surroundings, take a nostalgic trip down memory lane at one of her old haunts from what now seemed like a life time ago, she saw that the place still had some of the old ambience of the pub that had once been so familiar to her, she noted that although the décor had a more modern look about it the bar was still in the same place and the fireplace was there to. Silly things really but they made the place seem timeless.

Kathy was assailed by ghosts from the past, first it was Amos and Mr Wilkes that came to mind, closely followed by Alan Turner, he was scolding Seth who was propping up the bar as always, talking to Archie, sadly long gone, killed in the plane crash that left her then husband Chris Tate in a wheelchair. All these people and so many more came to life once again in her mind and she felt a pang of regret that those days had passed. When she saw what she assumed were the current Dingle landladies lording it behind the bar she shuddered, it seemed a travesty that the Woolpack should be in their hands after the illustrious landlords of the past, she had no love for their family, if their hatred of Robert wasn’t enough to make her despise them all Betty’s recollections of their misdeeds had make her realise that Emmerdale had been cursed the day they had showed up and slowly blighted the village with their malignant presence and ever increasing numbers. She was glad that Annie had been safely tucked away in Spain and spared watching her beloved village being despoiled by them.

Kathy brought her focus back to the present, she registered that the place was packed and the air seemed to be buzzing as people talked one to the dozen, she noticed the old couple she had seen at Robert’s alternative wake, the woman was talking animately, the people around her hanging on to her every word, Kathy thought she heard Robert’s name mentioned and her resolve harden, she was going to fix things for him. She walked over to where the unholy Sugden trio were sitting and stared at them, her eyes full of fire. She pitched her voice high enough that everybody would be able to hear her. “You do realise that today was meant to be all about Annie, don’t you, just for one day couldn’t you have behaved in a civilised manner for her sake. She would have been horrified at the way you treated Robert today, first you blank him at the funeral service, then you snub the wake that Annie had specifically requested that he organise and then if that wasn’t bad enough you gatecrash the proper wake and make wild and unsubstantiated accusations that are so ridiculous they would be a laughing matter if they weren’t so serious, what is wrong with you”.

Diane, Vic and Andy looked at her opened mouthed, they were saved from the need to reply as Kim Tate waded in and confronted Kathy. “Well, well, look what the cat has dragged in, Kathy Glover if I’m not mistaken”.

Kathy turned sharply at the sound of Kim Tate’s voice, she had been so focused on the Sugden’s she had failed to notice that her old enemy was in the pub. She felt her hackles rise, as for the first time in nearly twenty years she laid eyes on the woman who had wrought such havoc in her life, a woman that over the years she had grown to hate with every fibre of her being.

Kim laughed when she saw the affect that her presence had on the other woman, she smiled smugly and began to taunt her victim. “You haven’t changed one bit, have you, you are still the same judgemental, self righteous little goody two shoes, always lecturing people in that dull, monotone voice of yours when they fail to live up to your exacting, saintly standards”,

Kim paused a moment before she twisted the knife further. “Its no wonder that your first husband shot himself, your second Chris preferred the charms of that slut Rachel Hughes and your third, Dave Glover preferred being burnt to death to avoid another moment of your dreary company”

Kathy stood there, stunned by the viciousness of Kim’s attack. She felt all eyes on her, knew that the vultures were waiting with baited breath to hear what her response would be. 

Kim, seeing the indecision on Kathy’s face couldn’t resist one more dig.“Silly me, its not Glover any more is it, I heard you remarried for a fourth time, tell me is he dead yet and has some other poor sap put his life on the line to become husband number five or heaven help us all are you even onto number six”

Kathy finally managed to collect herself to launch a defence, she smiled sweetly at Kim, she was damned if she was going to give the woman the satisfaction of seeing how hurt she was by her words. “You know Kim, when I first met you, I actually liked you, you came across as a kind, decent person, one that people actually admired, but that lady of the manor persona you adopted was all an act wasn’t it, one that began to fray with time, not even somebody as devious as you could keep that up permanently and soon the cracks began to show and the real you began to show itself, the manipulative, greedy, amoral gold digger that married Frank Tate for his money. There was nothing that you didn’t do to get what you wanted was there, no person that you didn’t trample on and hurt if they stood in your way of achieving your goals...”.

Kathy paused for breath before continuing. “...and from what I have heard you haven’t changed one bit, you still think that you can just take what you want, that all you have to do is stamp your feet and everything will be handed to you on a plate”. 

Kathy laughed, viciously. “Well not this time, Kim. This time you are going to end up being disappointed because you have taken on more than even you can chew”.

Kim looked at Kathy and smiled with false sweetness, she spoke, her voice full of condescension as if she was humouring a woman that had lost her senses. “I haven’t a clue what you are talking about?”. 

Kim quickly added before Kathy could retaliate once more. “Just for old times sake why don’t you enlighten me as to the madness that is gripping you”.

Kathy smiled deceptively sweetly as she put the boot in. “I heard that you spoke to Tommy Merrick, told him that he had to hand over Whittaker’s to you without a fight”.

Kathy saw that her words had hit home, she made the most of her advantage. “He was laughing about you at the wake, he was saying how pathetic you were if you thought that by stamping your foot like a spoilt brat you were going to get ownership of a haulage company that you have no conceivable right to own...”.

Kathy smiled nastily at Kim Tate as she continued. “… and do you know what Kim, the bottom line is that all things considered Whittaker’s don’t give a damn about what you want, in their eyes you are a nobody that is so insignificant you barely even register on their horizon”.

Kathy could resist one final dig. “A part of me hopes that you do try and get your hands on Whittaker’s because if you do that means you will pit yourself against my brother in law and I know that if he for one moment thinks you are going to hurt his company he will crush you into thousands of pieces, consign you to oblivion”.

Kim cool was finally ruffled, she snarled back a reply to Kathy. “Do you really think that your brother-in-law will be a match for me, Tommy Merrick is not in my league, I will run rings around him, Whittaker’s will be mine before he even realises what is happening”.

Kathy laughed triumphantly. “Oh Kim, there you go again, making assumptions. What made you think I was talking about Tommy, whilst he’s a very astute businessman in his own right and has more than played his part in Whittaker’s success he’s not the main driving force behind the company, the genius that has taken Whittaker’s to unprecedented heights, that would be my other brother-in-law, the one that if you had any sense you would be really scared of because he is the one that has the power and influence to crush you to smithereens, grind you into the dirt where you belong”.

Graham stood by Kim’s side, listening closely to the exchange between the two women. The last part of their exchange began to set alarm bells ringing in his head, he normally would never back anyone again Kim but Kathy’s assertions seemed real, not just empty words and that worried him, alerted him to danger, he racked his brains to try and locate the reason for his disquiet but nothing was forthcoming so he let the matter drop for the time being and focused his concentration on what was happening around him. 

Graham refocused his attention on Kathy again, for the first time he realised that the ginger haired man that had arrived with Priya was standing close to her, as if he was keeping guard. He looked closely at the man, trying to assess if he was any threat, the man clocked that he was being scrutinised and looked directly into his eyes.

It took all of Graham’s strength and training not to take a step back, all the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he suddenly realised that the man despite all his feigned nonchalance was as dangerous as hell, waiting to pounce if there was trouble. Graham saw the bemused look on the man’s face that turned into a smile as he watched him edge closer to Kim, preparing himself to shield her from harm.

Priya was sitting with her family, she had left Mere Place on the pretext of accompanying Harry to the Woolpack so she could at last show him off to the villagers but it also was a cover so she could play her part in the plan that Robert’s family had concocted. Now that she deemed the time was right to push the button so to speak she had her misgivings as to whether it was the right thing to do.

Priya looked to Harry for guidance and caught the look he was giving Graham. In all the time she had known Harry she had never seen him look so cold and devoid of mercy, she felt chilled to the bone, it was if the man she loved had become a stranger in front of her eyes.

Priya assessed that the row between Kathy and Kim looked like it was going to be never-ending and with Graham and Harry both on alert to separate the warring women if it came to blows she realised that things had gone to far. She made up her mind, she quietly slipped out of the pub and phoned Robert as they had agreed, telling him that all hell had broke loose and he had to come and sort it out before something terrible happened.

Mere Place

Robert sat drinking tea, he finally felt some peace and that the world at last had stopped tilting, Annie was sleeping soundly in her Moses baskets, having been changed and fed and Seb was by his feet on the floor doing a jigsaw puzzle. Freddie had nabbed pole position and was curled up fast asleep in his lap, occasionally opening one eye to check that he wasn’t missing anything.

Now that he was in control of senses Robert allowed himself to reflect on the horrible scene that Vict oria had subjected him to, he realised now that he had clarity of mind once more that in the scheme of things it has been inconsequential, that virtually everybody in the room had either been a member of his maternal family or a close friend and they all knew him well enough not to believe anything she had said. 

Robert thought, in hindsight that the only person that Vic had hurt had been herself. He felt sad that she was poisoning her life by being so bitter and twisted about him but as much as he had sympathised with her in the past when life had delivered her emotional blows she had now used up all the patience he had to give her and from now on she was on her own, he wasn’t going to be her safety blanket any more, his loyalties were with the people that genuinely cared about him, his maternal family and friends.

Robert looked around him and smiled, these were the people that mattered, they had been the ones that had rallied round him, protected him when Vic ripped him apart, stood by him at the funeral, their support hadn’t waiver today or in the past for that matter. He felt blessed to have them in his life, he knew that he could rely on them not to hurt him.

Robert checked his watch, it was half past four. He smiled to himself once more, not long now and Aaron would be coming round. He felt instantly lighter, he was looking forward to resuming his marital life once more, the future looked brighter than he had ever imaged it could again after he and Aaron had imploded over fifteen months ago. Back then he had though that any chance of happiness he had, had been torn away from him forever. Robert started to twitch, he couldn’t wait to begin this new chapter to his life, or reunion number three as he and Aaron had dubbed it. A part of him was nervous, it would be the first time that Aaron would be meeting his friends Gary and Daniel and then there was Richard as well, his almost father-in-law from a different life but they were kind people and they had indicated that they would be on their best behaviour and make him welcome.

Robert let himself daydream a bit more about the future, he was happy to let his mind drift away from the grief he was feeling at losing his gran, he knew that it would revisit him for a long time to come but at that moment he was glad of the respite. 

Robert’s musings were disturbed when his phone rang, he checked the caller and saw it was Priya and picked up the call. He listened to what she had to say and swore out loud. Just when he thought that the day from hell had let go of it grip on him and happier times were in store fate had one more twisted plan left before he could find some peace. He got up abruptly, sending Freddie flying and walked out of the room without saying a word. James and Gary looked at each other and nodded, they quickly got up and followed Robert, there was no way they were going to let him go to the Woolpack alone.


	27. Annie's Funeral - Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie's Funeral - Part Three
> 
> After years of suffering in silence Robert finally stands up for himself and tells his paternal family a few long overdue home truths and the villagers get a few salvo's as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the fireworks display reached it cresendo (I hope, any way that it all works. It has been a difficult chapter to write, my longest by far but seeing what has been kicking off in Emmerdale lately in some ways it has been therapeutic to vent some spleen to counteract the heartache). For all of you that think that there are bits missing in Robert's denouements - wait until the next few chapters, there's more to come.
> 
> To lighten the mood there are some moments of fun and fluff at the end that I hope will bring a smile to your faces.

Monday, 17th January 2022

The Woolpack

The row between Kathy and Kim was still in full swing when Robert, accompanied by James and Gary walked through the door. At first nobody spotted them, everybody was too engrossed listening to the two women tearing verbal chunks out of each other to notice until Kim alerted them to the newcomers presence. She halted her latest dig mid flow and stared, mouth agape at Robert looking daggers at her. This in turn caused all eyes to look in the same direction as Kim and they too clocked the topic of the hour in all his finery accompanied by two strangers. 

Robert felt the heat from numerous pairs of eyes burning into him, he felt like turning tail and going straight home, avoid the inevitable confrontations but deep down he knew it wasn’t an option, he had Kathy to extricate for a start and then there was a part of him that was tired of all the recent gossip and wanted it to stop and the only way he could do that was by clearing the air by being honest about who he really was, even if it meant there would be a lot of blood letting.

Aaron, who was propped up by the bar, noticed Robert straight away, but then to be fair Robert had text him to say he was coming. He took a moment to admire the beautiful man in front of him. After all these years, one glance at him still had what it took to leave him breathless. Aaron thought his husband looked stunning, like a model in one of those posh mags. He was dressed in an olive green v neck sweater, the collar of a white shirt neatly showing, his lower body was encased in skin tight black jeans, which moulded against his slim but muscular legs, showing them off to perfection. The ensemble was completed with a black coat that fell nearly to his knees, it put the final touches to his outfit that screamed both exquisite taste and money. 

Charity was also thinking about Robert’s attire but for different reasons. Her avaricious mind was calculating what it cost. She had to hand it to Sugden, he had a knack of landing on his back quite nicely, his latest squeeze clearly liked to dress him well and if she wasn’t mistaken the watch on his wrist was screaming very expensive Rolex to her. She was just about to share her malicious thoughts with Chas about prostitution paying well when her fellow landlady spoke.

Chas’s worst nightmare had just come true, the son-in-law from hell was back within her son’s orbit, she quickly looked at Aaron to gauge what his reaction was to seeing his estranged husband and what she saw horrified her. Aaron looked absolutely mesmerised by the man. Chas felt her blood begin to boil, why the hell couldn’t Robert have kept away. One thing she did know for certain was there was no way that she was going to let Robert back in her son’s life, over her dead body. 

Chas all but snarled at her son-in-law when she spoke to him, causing most of her punters to gasp out loud. “What the hell do you think you are doing coming into my pub, you are so not welcome and I suggest you get out now before I have you thrown out of the door so hard you’ll land on your backside in the dirt where cheating scum like you belong”.

Chas looked pointedly at Cain as she was speaking, expecting him to jump to it and do the honours of ridding them of Robert presence, but much to her consternation her brother made no attempt to move, he just stared at his nephew-in-law, an inscrutable look on his face.

At the sound of his mother-in-laws dulcet tones dripping with her usual venom Robert turned his glaze towards her, he didn’t sugar coat his words. “Trust me, I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to be, as soon as I have retrieved my relatives I’ll be off and just to reassure you there will be no need to bar me because I will be more than happy if I never have to set foot in your miserable pub ever again”.

Diane laughed bitterly, she decided to set Robert straight once and for all. “What on earth makes you think that any of us are leaving with you, I know that I speak for all of us when I say that we can’t stand the sight of you and want nothing more to do with you, even more so after that stunt you have pulled over Annie’s villa, how could you do it, steal from a frail and vulnerable old lady, its despicable even by your standards, you should be ashamed of yourself”

Diane briefly paused before she repeated her standard over worn dig. “Your poor father must be turning over in his grave at what you have become, he would be disgusted at how you are behaving, stacked up with that rich benefactor of yours, I would ask you if you have any shame but it would be a waste of time because we all know you haven’t got any”.

James looked closely at Robert as his stepmother spat out her bile, he saw how he flinched at her poisonous words and it triggered his anger, he looked directly at Diane as he defended his brother-in-law. “You really are a poisonous old biddy, its no wonder Robbie doesn’t want anything more to do with you after today”.

Andy immediately came to Diane’s defence. “How dare you speak to Diane like that” 

Andy went on the attack. “You think that you can come in here and start lording it all over us, just because you have a big house and lots of money, well it doesn’t impress me in the slightest and as far as I am concerned you’re just a sad, pathetic, desperate old fool who is sleeping with a cheap, lowlife piece of scum, the type of bloke that makes decent people’s stomach’s turn and with your poor taste you the last person on earth who should be judging anyone...”.

Andy looked pointedly at Robert. “… and you know what if anybody here is poisonous, its him, so Mr Robbie bloody Merrick why don’t you go and take that piece of trash with you, go back to your fancy mansion because you are not welcome here either”.

A deathly silence descended on the Woolpack, everybody was to stunned to speak after the latest outbursts. Brenda eventually was the first one to break the silence, she pointed her finger at James. “He’s not Robbie Merrick”.

There were collective gasps around the pub. Brenda continued to enlighten them all with her recently gained knowledge. “He’s James Morgan, Robert’s brother-in-law”.

Diane looked scathingly at Brenda, she really disliked the silly woman and her endless habit of poking her nose in other people’s business. She was spiteful as she questioned her assertions. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Andy saw him at that mansion with Robert a few days ago, he’s definitely Robbie Merrick”.

Brenda was in her element, she was going to enjoy wiping that smug look off Diane’s face. “Oh, I don’t think so Diane, you see Doug and me had a nice chat with him at the proper wake and”. Brenda made a point of emphasising his name. “James was telling me all about him and his wife, Robert’s sister Sandie, apparently they have just retired and have moved down from Scotland because they want to be close to their family here in Yorkshire. They are staying with Robert until they can find a house of their own”.

Eric Pollard slapped his head as it suddenly came to him who the mystery woman was, he spoke his thoughts out loud. “I knew that I knew her from somewhere”. He looked at James, “Your wife was once Sandie Merrick, wasn’t she”.

Eric unfortunately didn’t quit while he was ahead. “I can remember her now, she was a right piece of work, everybody was glad to see the back of her when he went to live in Scotland with her father”.

Harry joined in the melee. “That’s my mother you are talking about, you nasty old git and if anybody here is a piece of work its you, if half what she has told us about your exploits are true, which I believe they are you are the last person to be throwing any stones, far from it so keep your mouth shut”

David was incensed to hear his dad being spoken to like that, he stared at Harry as he retaliated to the man’s rebuke. “You’re the one that should be keeping your mouth shut, you have no right to speak to my dad like that, you do it again and you’ll have me to answer to”.

Harry looked David up and down and smiled nastily. From what he had seen and heard about the man he was one of life’s indecisive drips, a spineless womaniser that drifted from one romantic disaster to another and as for him ‘taking him on’ he had to suppress his laughter at the thought, by the looks of him the man couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag, there was a mocking tone to his voice as he replied. “You really think you could take me on?”.

Robert had been listening to the vile exchanges, his patience finally came to an end and he snapped. “Will the lot of you just shut up, I’m sick to the back teeth of all the rows and nastiness, all this ripping each other apart in public is beyond distasteful and I have had more than enough today to want to stand here and listen to it”.

Robert looked at James, Harry, Gary and Kathy as he continued. “I think its time for us to leave, there is nothing to be gained by our staying here where we are not wanted”.

Robert made for the door.

Graham sprang into life, he had been listening to the exchanges and it had set the cogs in his brain whirling round. It was Kathy talking about her other brother-in-law that had been the catalyst to him unlocking the missing parts of the jigsaw that had troubled his brain, he had noticed how close she had been to Robert at the funeral and then Robert had been seen talking to Tommy Merrick. In hindsight it was now so blindingly obvious, whilst the two men weren’t close in age Robert still had a strong resemblance to his brother. A part of him felt stupid that he hadn’t seen it sooner but he reasoned that in his defence it seemed so nonsensical that somebody like Robert Sugden could be anything special and that he too had been blinded by village gossip into thinking the man was a nobody of little worth. A part of him seethed at how easily fooled he had been, he had never liked Robert and he felt the overwhelming need to humiliate him, pay him back for laughing at them all behind their backs, pretending to be somebody he wasn’t. “Going so soon Robert, or would you rather that I call you Mr Merrick these days”.

Aaron gasped out loud, in the silence that had settled around the Woolpack it sounded like he had screamed at the top of his voice. During the nasty exchanges he had managed to blend into the background but now he felt totally exposed, naked before everybody’s eyes. Aaron felt a prickly sensation run down his spine as he noticed people were staring at him and he reddened in embarrassment under their gaze. 

Diane looked at Graham and then Robert and laughed out loud. She returned her focus to Graham and shook her head at him. “Have you lost leave of your senses, are you back on the bottle again”. Diane pointed at Robert”. “Him, Robbie Merrick, you’re having a laugh, there is no way in a million years that a waste of space like him could possibly be somebody like that. His dad had it right from the start when he said Robert wasn’t ever going to amount to anything and he hasn’t, all he is is some disgusting parasite that has wormed his way into a rich man’s affections and is now milking him for ever penny he can get”.

Aaron felt his hands automatically curl into fists, he had an overwhelming desire to hit Diane so he could stop her evil mouth from spewing out its vitriol. At that moment in time he truly hated her for humiliating Robert by belittling him so spitefully in front of everybody. He looked at Vic and Andy and saw that they to were lapping it up, enjoying their brother’s discomfort and he hated them as well. 

Aaron decided that enough was enough and he was on the verge of telling everybody a few home truths when he caught Robert’s eye, he saw the barely perceptible shake of his husband’s head, an indication to him that he should stay quiet and he reluctantly backed down.

Graham wasn’t in the least bit perturbed my Diane’s outburst. “I can assure you that I am right, Mrs Sugden, your stepson is Robbie Merrick”.

Graham turned his attention back to Robert and began to slow handclap him. “I have to hand it to you Robert, you fooled us all, nobody until now, not for one minute even entertained the thought that you were the elusive Mr Robbie Merrick”.

Graham paused for dramatic effect, making sure that when he put the knife in everybody would be hanging on to his every word. “Do you know why that is Robbie, its because you played the role of Robert Sugden to perfection, he was such a pathetic excuse of a man, he was despised by all, full of misplaced arrogance and pretensions, then there were his laughable attempts and subsequent failures to make something of himself, it really was quite pitiful to watch at times. How could any of us in hindsight have ever imagined him of all people could actually be a successful multimillionaire business tycoon, it would have defied all logic and common sense”.

Robert listened in silence to the tirade, as he did so a cold, calm settled over him, seeping into the fabric of his bones, fortifying him for what lay ahead. He waited patiently for the man to finish venting his spleen, using the time to formulate his response, a response that he intended would take no prisoners in return.

Graham asked his final questions. “Did you enjoy making fools of us all, misleading us to who you really were”. 

Graham laughed mirthlessly as he continued. “Knowing you I would imagine that you had a good laugh about how blind we all were behind our backs, it must have given you and your cronies endless amusement on how you were deluding the ignorant peasants”.

Robert smiled at Graham, the smile, however, didn’t reach his steely blue/green eyes. He stood up straighter, stretching his large frame to its full height, as he did so it seemed to change his persona, create an aura of power around him and for the first time in over seven years since he had returned to Emmerdale the mask he had worn to hide himself from view was ripped off leaving the real man standing before them all, in all his power and glory. 

There was a preternatural calmness about Robert as he prepared to speak. When he finally did so he virtually eradicated all traces of his boyhood Yorkshire accent from his voice. “Which question would you like me to answer first?”.

When Graham didn’t speak, Robert answered what in essence had been his own rhetorical question. “Let me think about where I should start, how about how easy it was to fool you all, it was simple really, there was no way that anybody in this village was ever going to see me for myself, as far as they are concerned I will never be anything other than Jack Sugden’s wayward teenage son”.

Robert laugh, mirthlessly. “Thanks to my father and his hatchet job my reputation is forever set in stone in everybody’s eyes, I will always be that unlovable ugly duckling he was cursed with, the boy that he repeatedly told all and sundry was a useless waste of space that would never amount to anything”. 

Robert paused to gather his thoughts once more. “Did I laugh at you all, no I didn’t, I didn’t think any of you were the least bit funny, quite the opposite in fact, it made me sad to think that you were all such narrow minded bigots who couldn’t see what was staring you in the face, but then as I have just said not one of you wanted to see me for who I really was, it suited you all to malign me for the screwed up kid I had been, not one of you was interested in discovering who the boy had become, the man he had grown into during the nine years he had been away”

Diane was seething about the way Robert had just besmirched the reputation of her beloved Jack, she couldn’t help herself from snapping at him. “How dare you speak about your father like that, he was ten times the man you will ever be and stop all the silly games Robert, pretending to be somebody your not, you’re making fun of a deluded drunk and its disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself”.

Diane paused before delivering another blow, reiterating her previous words for added spite. “Graham might be daft enough to think that you are Robbie Merrick but I know your not, never in a million years could you be a man like that”.

Graham turned his attention to Diane, he was smarting at her words, not liking being labelled a drunk in front of the whole pub but he put his chagrin to one side to get to the bottom of her antagonism towards her stepson and to be honest he was intrigued as to why she didn’t miss an opportunity to put him down in so cruel a fashion every chance she got. He spoke with mock politeness as he asked his question. “If you could spare a poor deluded drunk a moment of your time, can you please explain to me why your stepson isn’t Robbie Merrick”.

Diane turned to Robert, any desire she had to protect him from public approbation was long gone. “Because all the time Robert wasn’t in Emmerdale, he was in prison”.

Gary rolled his eyes, the woman really was an insufferable bitch. He spoke for the first time since entering the pub, his tone of voice was the one that he reserved for terrorising prosecution witnesses on the stand when he went for the kill. “You really need to ascertain the truth of what you are saying before you make these types of comments especially when they are being made in public. On this occasion you are totally wrong in your assertions which means that you have just committed the civil offence of slander”. 

Gary paused as he heard the gasps emanating all around him, he continued. “Under these circumstances Robbie would be well within his rights to pursue legal action against you if he chose to for your vile defamation of his character, but I doubt he will want to lower himself to be bothered to do so, you are beneath his contempt”.

Diane was stung by the condemnation in the stranger’s voice, she defended herself against his rebuke. “Its only slander if it isn’t true and I know for a fact that he was in prison. The police came round and told us how he had been involved in a drunk driving accident that led to him killing four innocent people including two young bairns. In my book that’s something that you get locked up for and in his case they should have thrown away the key if they had had any sense, it would have spared us all from his presence”.

Robert sighed in exasperation, he had thought that this matter had been put to bed by Aaron over two years ago when he had told Diane the truth about what had really happened to him when he was nineteen. In hindsight it seemed that his husband’s words had met with deaf ears after all as she still chose to believe the worst of him even when it was untrue. He shrugged his shoulders in resignation, when had it ever been any different.

Robert could feel the hostile eyes of the pub’s patrons boring into him, he couldn’t say that he blamed people for glaring at him though, if he had done what Diane had said he had then he wholeheartedly believed their approbation would be more than well deserved. He felt that he had been backed into a corner, a place he hated to be and the last thing he wanted to do was to explain himself to the vultures surrounding him but he was so sick and tried of all the lies that were spread about him, he knew that had to fight back, try and clear what little of his name he could. “I was never involved in any car accident”.

Diane scoffed at Robert’s reply. “You would say that, lying is second nature to you, the only time anybody can tell if you’re not lying is when you’re silent”.

Robert shook his head at her, Diane was draining the patient out of him, he was growing increasing sick and tired of her belligerent refusal to listen to reason. “I’m not lying”.

Diane looked at her stepson in disgust. “So let me get this right, what you are saying is that your dad was the liar, because he was the one that talked to the police, they told him all about the car accident and how you were in hospital badly injured and that you wanted him to visit you, but he had more sense than to get involved with you again, he believed that you didn’t deserve his support after what you had done, that you had made your bed and could lie on it alone”

Robert looked at Diane, he wondered why he had ever thought that this woman had been somebody that he should have cared about. Deep down he had always known that he was the third best step child in her eyes but this was the first time that she had been truly honest enough to show her blatant and deep dislike of him in so public a setting. He knew that he shouldn’t really be shocked by her behaviour, right from day one she had been his dad’s number one fan girl, everything he loved, she had, everything he hated, she did to. Robert remembered that at the time Diane started seeing his dad, his dad had hardly liked him at all so it made sense to him that she would still mirror his dad’s long ago feelings towards him, sad though it was her sycophancy where Jack Sugden was concerned would never die. Robert thought that if she hadn’t been so obnoxious towards him he would have pitied her. Robert took a deep breath and steeled himself to deal with her once and for all. “Your right, I could find a lot of things to accuse my dad of but being a liar wouldn’t be one of them”.

Diane was confused about Robert’s about face. “So what are you saying, that you have just lied, that you were involved in a car accident after all”.

Robert shook his head. “No, not at all. I still maintain that I wasn’t involved in a car accident. What I am actually saying is that my father genuinely believed that version of events because he bought the lies Andy told him about why I was in hospital”.

The latest turn of events had everybody gaping with shock. All eyes turned to Andy, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights and he failed miserably to bluff his way out of his predicament, the guilt was clearly written all over his face.

Diane’s heart was in her mouth, she desperately wanted to believe that Robert was lying but her favourite son looked shamefaced, but still she clung to straws though. “Andy?”.

Andy looked at Diane, he was contrite about deceiving her. “I’m so sorry Diane, but I had to lie, I couldn’t bear the thought of him coming back home again, we were so much better off without him. You know what a decent man dad was, even though he didn’t want him back either he would have felt duty bound to take care of him because he was so badly hurt and we would have been stuck with him all over again, letting him poison our lives once more”.

Andy looked at Diane with his puppy dog eyes as he continued to justify his spiteful actions all those years ago. “Him being gone was for the best wasn’t it, dad was so much happier, he was less stressed and he didn’t have to keep apologising to everybody for the vile behaviour of his unlovable son any more, we were a proper family again, you, me and Vic, why would we have wanted him back so he could spoil everything again”.

Diane felt her heart go out to Andy. “Its all right pet, I do understand why you lied, none of us deep down wanted him back either”.

Vic had been listening to the exchange, she remembered how broken hearted she had been when Robert had just upped and gone, how she had missed her big brother, the one that had taken care of her, read to her, pushed her on the swings. “Speak for yourselves, I wanted my brother back and because of him”.Vic pointed to Andy as she continued “that never happened for years”.

Vic looked at Robert, he had an unfathomable look on his face and she wondered what was going through his mind at that moment in time. Whilst she had compassion for him having to listen to Diane and Andy badmouthing him so cruelly in public she was also livid at his deception about his identity. A part of her felt humiliated that he had never trusted her with the truth, that he had deceived her along with everybody else and it made her question whether he had ever really cared about her at all. 

Vic glanced over at Aaron to see what he was making of it all, her first impression was that he appeared to be taking things far to well for somebody whose temper was normally on a short fuse and then it came to her in a flash that this evening’s revelations weren’t a shock to him at all, that he must had known in advance about who Robbie Merrick really was. 

Vic’s started to seethe, she wondered how long Aaron had known the truth about her brother and how he could have kept it from her, they were meant to be friends after all. It then hit Vic that Aaron had been cruel as well, he had stood back and let her think the worst of Robert, listened to her rip her brother apart in front of everybody because she thought he was an immoral gold digging tart that was embarrassing them all. 

Vic glared at Aaron, not that he noticed her looking at him, he was to busy making heart eyes at his husband. Vic’s temper began to ignite, it looked like Aaron was back in her brother’s life again, it didn’t make sense to her, if her brother really was this rich bloke that Graham thought he was then why was he soiling himself with a lowly Dingle, surely he do so much better considering the circles he must mix in. 

Vic was building herself up to become her own worst enemy, she allowed all her bitterness regarding Adam to resurface, she remembered the part Aaron had played in taking him away from her and she wanted to lash out and hurt him for the pain he had caused her, why should he get his happy ever after for the third time when she would never get a second chance of happiness herself with her soulmate.

Robert was taken aback that Vic had just admitted to missing him, he had not expected her to stand up for him after the very ugly scene earlier caused by the reading of Annie’s will and whilst he knew that his sister wasn’t the easiest of people to put up with, she could be far to judgmental and opinionated at times for his taste he began to wonder if he should offer her an olive branch after all. Just as he was about to say something Vic chose that moment to shoot herself in the foot and ruin things for herself. “There is one thing that I just don’t get Robert, if you are this rich bloke why have you never helped any of us out when we have been struggling for cash, I mean how could you have just stood by and not lifted a finger to help us”. 

Before Robert could reply Vic answered her own question. “Its because you are a selfish self centred shit who thinks of nobody but himself, you use people for your own ends and discard them when they are no longer any use to you, your also greedy and grasping, I mean why else would you coerce a dying woman to give you her villa, what need did you have of it when you have got so much already”. 

Vic glared at her brother, the look was full of hate as she continued. “You disgust me, for all your wealth there’s not a single thing about you that’s worth knowing”.

Despite the angry look from her brother, a glare that seared into her with white hot ferocity Vic still couldn’t stop her tirade, she had to have one final dig. “Under normal circumstances I would pity the person who is stupid enough fall in love with you because you’re poison, just like dad always said you were and you will end up ruining their lives, because that is what you do to people that love you, but you know what as the person dumb enough to love you is Aaron, your piece of Dingle trailer trash I really hope you hurt him, hurt him really badly because in his own way he’s just as bad as you are, you’re both a match made in hell”.

Robert looked at his sister, he had never slapped a woman in his life but the temptation at that moment was over powering to hit Vic. He was just about to tell her a few home truth when Chas intervened.

Chas had been enjoying the floor show, had taken pleasure in seeing Robert being torn apart but as soon as Vic slagged of Aaron her hackles rose. She turned on Vic. “You need to watch your mouth lady, or you will be heading for a slap, nobody speaks about my son like that and as for him being back with your brother he has far to much sense to throw his life away on that”. Chas glared at Robert, emanating as much hate as she could in her eyes.

Vic laughed at Chas. “Really, if that’s the case then why has he been looking at my brother like a smitten kitten from the moment Robert walked through the door, trust me they are back together again”.

Robert had been listening, mainly in silence as all three of his paternal family had tore into him, making their cruel and vile accusations, belittling him in front of the whole village. His temper, which had been simmering ever since he had entered the Woolpack ignited, all his suppressed resentment at how they had treated him over the years bubbling over inside him, this time they had pushed him to far and he didn’t want to bury his hurt any more, pretend that it didn’t matter what they thought of him. He steeled himself as he prepared to tell them a few home truths of his own, something that he knew deep down he should have done a long time ago. 

The only problem for Robert was where to start. Since it was Vic that had proverbially broken the camel back he decided to start with her and bugger the olive branch. He looked Vic in the eye as he began talking to her. “I really don’t know where to start in answering your accusations, maybe I should address your fiscal concerns first since its my money that seems to be obsessing you at the moment. “Firstly, lets address my so called theft of Gran’s villa. The reason the villa was not left to any of you in Annie’s will was because it was not her property to bequeath, the villa has always been mine, I bought it several years ago to ensure that Gran and Amos would always have a roof over their heads, you see contrary to what you think I do appreciate people when they are kind to me, my providing them with the villa was my way of saying thank you to them both for treating me so well over the years, years where the three of you patently didn’t give a damn about me”.

Robert paused a moment, trying to assess if his words were having any impact, he thought it was hard to tell so he just pressed on. “As for me not giving you any of my money, well the truth is that there were times when I was very tempted to be generous, I was on the verge of helping you all out so many times and then you would do and say something that made me realise that I would be wasting my time, that whatever I gave you would never to enough, that I would never be enough so I thought what was the point of bothering to help such ingrates, I would just have been chucking my money away and I hate wasting money on hopeless causes”

Robert carried on, but he now addressed his remarks to all three of his paternal relatives now, not just Vic. “Over the years all that the three of you have ever done is find fault with me, I’ve lost count of all those nasty little digs I have had to endure, the constant hectoring and the lecturing, the belittling of my opinions when they didn’t match your own because you were always in the right even when you were in the wrong and then there was always that killer blow when you really wanted to rub my nose in it, really wanted to twist the knife, you would always have to prefix your criticisms with your dad or Sarah would be so ashamed of you, the ultimate cheap blow and don’t get me started on your double standards, the whole lot of you are hypocrites, there are times when you have hardly done yourselves proud but that doesn’t count does it, its only me that is held to task for my sins you all get a free pass, especially him”. Robert looked at Andy. “Tell me Diane, what does he have to do before you actually find fault with him, burn somebody to death, shoot them, the list is endless of the things he could do, I know how about we add use a woman as a punch bag as well”.

Robert glared at Andy. “I am sick to death of the lot of you, it won’t break my heart if I never clap eyes on any of you three again because you are just the kind of petty, spiteful people that I want to eradicate out of my life forever”. 

Robert paused and looked around him, making sure that he encompassed everybody in the room. “I am also done with putting up with all your crap as well, I have had a lifetime of it in this village and it stops here, right now, I don’t care if any of you like me and to be fair, I don’t actually like many of you much either, but the stupid gossip has to stops, it gone to far, enough is enough”.

Robert looked daggers at them all. “You know I would have had more respect for you all if any of you had asked me, outright to my face what was going on but that’s not your style is it, it way to much fun spreading lies when the truth isn’t so interesting and why should any of you care about how much you hurt people with your malice, kindness isn’t much of a trait around here is it and if the person on the receiving end is me well I don’t have any feeling do I so its okay to trample all over them and don’t get me started on your hypocrisy, I could find fault with the majority of you, list your myriad of sins, sins that you convenient ignore when you are criticising others because none of you has the self awareness to see how rotten you are yourselves, only perceive to see it in others”.

Diane had had enough of listening to Robert, how dare he play the victim, she came out swinging. “You can’t blame any of us here for holding you to task for your behaviour, for us thinking the worst of you because the truth is you have always been a nightmare, I’ve lost count of the number of times you have humiliated our family. There were times when your dad used to cringe with shame that you were his son, it appalled him how you kept dragging the Sugden name through the dirt, time after time with your appalling behaviour”.

Robert scowled at Diane, at that moment in time he truly hated the woman. He snapped back at her. “Well you will be please to know that I won’t being dragging the Sugden name through the dirt ever again, I have already taken all the legal measures necessary to eradicate Robert Sugden for good, from now on the only name I will ever answer to is Robbie Merrick”.

Diane was taken aback at Robert’s comments, she blustered back. “Well that’s fine by us. Now why don’t you go back to your mansion and play the big I am to your hearts content, nobody here is going to be bothered about what the hell you call yourself and you know what a name doesn’t change anything, you’ll still be the rotten apple you have always been underneath”.

Diane couldn’t resist one last dig. “You know I have never really liked you, Robert, I only put up with you for Jack’s sake, if it hadn’t been for the fact I respect his memory I would have washed my hands with you year’s ago”.

Robert gave Diane a piercing look. “Oh I am well aware of that. I have always known deep down that you have never really loved me, it was always Andy this and Vic that when I was growing up, you barely noticed that I existed at times and you certainly did little to help me when I was in need of support, where were you when my father was hurting me, when I needed someone to stand up for me, nowhere, I had to struggle to live up to his impossible expectations on my own because you and everybody else turned your back on me and let me suffer in silence and that is something that I will never forgive you or anybody else for”. 

Robert continued, as much as he was aware that he opening himself up in from of people he shouldn’t be his long suppressed feelings couldn’t be held back any more. “The truth is that you were a lousy mother to me, a pitiful replacement for Sarah, a woman whose boots you were totally unfit to fill, God knows what dad saw in you, you were second best in every department to her, he must have been desperate to be with you”.

Diane gasped in horror, tears sprang to her eyes as the cruelty of his words hit home but Robert was to far gone to care. “You know the only good thing that came about from my split from Aaron was that I left you all behind. Its been a revelation to me just how much you were all bringing me down, as soon as I was no longer surrounded by petty spiteful people it felt like a weight have been lifted of my shoulders. No more kangaroo court judgements, no more spiteful digs and patronising looks, nasty comments that were always said loud enough for me to hear and you”. Robert looked pointedly at Diane, Vic and Andy. “My so called Sugden family were just as malicious as everybody else when really you should have had my back, supported me”.

Robert said his finally piece before running out of steam. “No I’m glad that I left you all behind. My life is so much better now, looking back I can’t fathom for the life of me why I ever abandoned my life in London and come back to this vile, parochial hell hole of a village in the arse end of beyond. The only saving grace this whole sorry second Emmerdale episode of my life has had was that I met Aaron who contrary to your vile comments Vic is not trailer trash and I consider that he is more than worthy to be my partner in every way, in fact its me that should be counting my lucky stars that he wants to be with me”.

Aaron felt his heart flip when he heard Robert’s words, he smiled broadly at his husband, glowing with pride that his man adored him and wasn’t afraid to say it out loud. Chas spotted him beaming at the compliment and began to realise that Vic was right all along, that her stupid son thanks to his addiction to a man so unworthy of him was going to ruin his life again.

James could see that Robert emotions were spiralling out of control, that his grief at losing Annie, the stress of arranging her funeral, not to mention the strain he had been under today had pushed him over the edge. He knew that had Robert been his normal self, had his usual tight grip on his self control he would never have allowed himself to be dragged into having a public slanging match with these people. He went up to Robert and gently put his hand on his arm to try and calm him. “I think that’s enough now, laddie, you’ve said your piece and no good will come of you taking things any further”.

James added. “Besides your words are wasted on them and all this, it’s so beneath you, so how about you let me take you home, take you back to the family that loves and cherishes you the way you deserve”.

Robert took one last look at his so called family and the stunned shocked faces of the Woolpack’s other clientele that had all been stunned into silence by his outburst before he heeded James words and turned his back on them all and headed for the door.

Robert was only a few feet away when he heard Kim Tate speak to him. “Not so fast, I want to talk to you about Whittaker’s”.

Robert sighed, he turned to face her. “You might want to talk but I don’t, as far as I am concerned there is nothing to discuss, Whittaker’s is my company and its not for sale at any price, so I suggest you let the matter drop”.

Robert turned his back on everybody once more and edged closer to the door but Kim wasn’t taking no for an answer, she walked up to him and grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to turn round.

The pub’s patrons collectively gasped, tonight was turning into a dramatic one, even by Emmerdale standards. They all wondered what furthers twists and turns were to come. 

Graham saw the angry look on Robert’s face, there was a deadly look in his eyes that chilled the hard man to the bone, one that he knew spelt trouble and he instantly realised that he needed to get Kim to back away because she was in grave danger. “I think that Robert is right, Kim, this isn’t an appropriate time to talk about business matters”.

Kim turned and looked at Graham, there are an edge to her voice as she replied. “He is not going to walk away until he agrees to give me back what is rightfully mind”.

Robert looked daggers at Kim, how could the woman be so devoid of common sense as to have picked this moment to confront him, she had well and truly pushed her luck to breaking point, his voice had a deadly sharpness to it as he replied. “For your own sake I suggest you listen to what Graham is telling to you because as I have already said I have no interest in talking to you about Whittaker’s”. 

Kim stood her ground, she refused to back down. Robert shrugged his shoulders in exasperation at her stubbornness. He felt compelled to deal with her. “When Tommy told me that you demanded he hand Whittaker’s over to you I thought that you had lost the plot. I racked my brain to find even the most tenuous of reasons for your demands and they were all equally preposterous and then I though that maybe there isn’t any logical reason after all, she is just being Kim Tate, stamping her foot like a spoilt brat, hoping that it will lead to her getting what she wants, because that it what you do isn’t it, you bully people in submission who lack the means to defend themselves”. 

Robert added. “Well I am a different kettle of fish, I am not helpless, far from it, I am more deadly than you can imagine, I have the money and the power to defend myself and if I turn my attention to you, you will wish to God that you were never born, so if you have an iota of common sense you will let the matter drop because it you don’t and I have to take time out of my very busy schedule to deal with you, I destroy your little empire brick by brick until you are left with nothing”

Kim was unnerved, to mask her unease she laughed at Robert. “Are you trying to frighten me, because if you are you are failing miserably, I have taken on better men than you and won, hands down and I intend to win this time”.

Robert finally lost patient with the woman. “I very much doubt very that”.

Robert face was devoid of any emotion as his ruthless streak came to the fore, he added in a voice as cold as ice, a voice that chilled all those listening to the bone. “You know maybe I will set the wheels in motion that will eventually lead to your destruction, just for the sheer hell of it, think of all the malicious pleasure I’ll get seeing you get what you deserve, Gods knows everybody in Emmerdale hates you for the crap you have pulled since you returned to the village, firstly by proxy courtesy of your patsy Joe Tate and then by yourself.

Robert laughed. “You never know it might even win me some brownie points with my lamentable in-laws because you really went to town on them didn’t you, you well and truly put the knife in there, because of you Zak’s home got demolished, you had Joe treat Debbie like dirt to get back at Charity and you nearly bankrupted the pub to name just a few of your spiteful attacks on the Dingle family and then there are the things that you did that had a direct impact on me personally, you caused a lot of harm and suffering to the people that I loved, things that I will never forgive you for”.

Graham was alarmed, he could see that Kim had put herself in perilous danger, he could see that she was trying to put a brave face on things but that she was shaken to the core by Robert’s onslaught. He intervened. “I think that you have made your point, Mr Merrick, there is no need to say any more, consider the matter regarding Whittaker’s closed”.

Robert smiled, unpleasantly. “I’m very glad to hear it”.

Graham inclined his head, all things considered he believed that Kim might just live to survive to fight another day, preferably though never with Robert ever again. He mused inwardly to himself, who would have thought that Robert Sugden of all people would have turned out to be such a lethally dangerous opponent, in future they would all need to watch their steps.

Robert couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t resist one last dig. He looked at Graham, gaining the man’s attention. “By the way Graham, just for the record, I have never liked you either”.

With that final rebuke, Robert make for the door, he felt boned tired and just wanted to go home, he was followed by James, Harry and Gary. Before he opened the door he turned back one last time, he clocked all the dazed faces and he laughed bitterly to himself, he had supplied the village with enough gossip to keep them going for months. His eyes found Aaron’s and as he looked at his husband he spoke his final words in the Woolpack. “Are you going to stay and finish your pint or are you coming home with me”.

Aaron didn’t need a second invitation, he jumped of his stood and made to walk towards Robert, take the outstretched hand that his husband held out to him.

Chas was horrified, she couldn’t bear the thought of her son being back with that devil, especially now after what she had just witnessed, when she had seen a side to Robert that was even more dangerous and cruel than she had imagined was possible. She made to grab the back of Aaron’s hoodie so she could hold him back but she wasn’t quick enough to stop him and he slipped through her grasp. 

Chas looked at Cain, she shrieked at him at the top of her voice. “Stop him Cain, stop Aaron right now from leaving with that monster”.

Cain looked at Aaron, saw the entreaty in his eyes not to stop him, in response Cain stepped aside to let his nephew pass so he could be with his husband. 

Chas glared at her brother, she made her way from behind the bar to do her own dirty work. “What the hell is wrong with you, Cain, why didn’t you stop him like I asked”.

Cain stepped in front of his sister, blocking her passage to her son, he gave her a penetrating look as he spoke. “Aaron’s a grown man, he’s old enough to make his own choices, if he wants Robert then that’s his and his decision alone to make”.

Chas was not deterred. “Robert’s bad for him, you’re just seen what he is like, he’s evil and he will hurt Aaron over and over again, its what he does, so for your own sake let me pass so I can stop my son ruining his life because I swear to God Cain that if anything happens to Aaron in the future because you have prevented me from protecting him I will never forgive you”.

Cain turned to look at Aaron. “Are you sure Robert is what you want?”.

Aaron nodded, his affirmation, in truth he have never been more sure of anything in his life, he wanted Robert, he always would because the man was his world, his reason to live and life without him was to hard and not worth living.

Cain nodded back to his nephew. “Then get yourself out of here”.

Aaron gleefully walked towards Robert and took his hand as they all left the pub, leaving Chas fuming in Cain’s arms and a whole pub numb with shock at what they had just witnessed.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aftermath - Woolpack

Chas conceded defeat about pursuing her son and moved back behind the bar, she glared daggers at Cain, at that moment in time she had never hated him more, he had failed her when she had needed him to be on her side. Faith came and joined her son at the bar, hoping to smooth things over between her children before a full scale war broke out between them. 

Faith looked at her seething daughter, all thoughts of appeasing her went out the window and she made matters worse by telling Chas what she didn’t want to hear. “You should have more faith in our Aaron, he knows what he is doing”.

Chas glared at her, she growled at her mother. “How can you say that. You know what Robert’s like, he is a lying, cheating scumbag and he will hurt our Aaron, you know he will because its a big part of his DNA to ruin other people’s lives”.

Faith shook her head at her daughter, any patience she had left with Chas’s stance evaporated out of the window. “You never put yourself in our Aaron’s shoes do you, you never think about what he wants, it all about you and what you think he needs. Well the truth is lady that Aaron loves Robert, he always will, the pair of them are soulmates and instead of moaning about Robert why don’t you just step back and think about how lucky our Aaron is, he had met a man that worships the ground he walks on and that man is a multimillionaire to boot, how many men out there in Robert’s financial circumstances do you think would look twice at our boy, but Robert has done and what’s more he loves his little piece of rough with all his heart. Robert will make sure that your son has a wonderful life, a life that none of us could ever have dreamt possible for him, so instead of your mithering, just be grateful that Aaron has hit the jackpot and is finally happy again”. 

Faith paused a moment before adding. “And just for the record, Robert did not cheat on Aaron, it was all a terrible misunderstanding on our Aaron’s part, when he realised that he got it wrong, that he’s ruined his marriage for no reason he was absolutely devastated, it nearly killed him losing Robert and now against all the odds he has got another chance at happiness you want to ruin things for him because of your prejudices against his husband, how selfish do you think that is, my lady”.

Chas sneered at Faith. “Since when did you become such a fan girl of Robert Sugden’s or whatever the hell he calls himself these days”.

Chas answered her own question. “Let me guess its all down to his money isn’t it, you really believe that if you cosy up to Robert by pretending to be pro his being with Aaron you can get your hands on some of it, or maybe its just simply down to the fact that being the sad old bat that you are you actually fancy him, I mean right from the moment you met Robert you have always had a thing about him, haven’t you”.

Chas was in full self destruct mode as she continued. “I have lost count of the number of times over the years that you have embarrassed us all by throwing yourself at your grandson’s husband, every opportunity you got you were all over him like a bad rash, it was disgusting to watch, it made my skin crawl seeing you make such a fool of yourself with him”.

Faith stood her ground against her daughter’s onslaught. “I am never going to apologise to you or anybody for that matter for liking the lad, the truth is that Robert’s got a heart of gold with those that he cares about and he had always treated me well, a lot better than you have that’s for sure, he’s been an absolute gent at times, In truth I can’t fault the lad, he’s treated me like a lady, nothing has ever been to much trouble for him”. 

Eric entered the conversation. “I wasn’t aware that you and Robert were so close and by the sounds of it you seem to know more than you should”.

Faith was flustered, she realised that she had dropped herself well and truly in it. “Well I might have bumped into him from time to time this past year”.

Eric looked at Faith sternly. “Really, I don’t seem to recall you mentioning it, my dear”.

Chas piped in. “Me neither, would you care to explain, mother, why you have failed to mention this so called closeness you have with Robert”.

Liv came to Faith’s rescue. “That’s because I made her promise not to say anything”. 

Liv made her confession. “Look, this is all my fault, I bumped into Robert over a year ago and seeing him again made me realise just how much I missed him, with Aaron gone he was the closest family I had left. Thankfully Robert said he still cared about me despite the terrible way I had treated him and he told me that if I ever needed him he would always be there for me. I got him to promise that whenever he was in Yorkshire on business he would let me know so we would meet up and then I managed to persuade him to let me stay with him in London during my term breaks. 

Liv took a deep breath as she continued. “When I told you I wanted to spend time away from Emmerdale you made such a song and dance about me going off on my own the only way I could get you to agree to let me go was if I took somebody with me, so Faith, knowing how desperate I was to spend some quality time with Robert volunteered to come with me”.

Bernice, who had come to the bar to gets some much needed drinks for her shell shocked mother and step siblings caught the tail end of the conversation, she interrupted Liv. “Just a minute, Liv, didn’t Gabby go with you on several of your holidays last year”.

Bernice answered her own question. “Oh my God, she stayed with Robert as well, didn’t she”.

Gabby, who had come to help her mother carry the drinks felt uneasy when her mother turned to glare at her. She tried to appease her. “Honestly mum, everything was fine, Faith was there to look after us when Robert was at work and when Robert was home he was brilliant, he took really good care of us and made sure that we came to no harm, we had a fab time, he spoilt us rotten”.

Bernice wasn’t appeased. “That still does excuse all the lies young lady, you knew perfectly well that Robert was persona non grata with us all after the way he had behaved”.

Liv intervened. “What do you mean, by the way he had behaved. Robert didn’t do anything wrong to be deserved to be treated like dirt by the lot of you”.

Liv, the bitterness evident in her voice, went into full attack mode. “When Aaron thought Robert had cheated on him why did none of you try and talk some sense into him, made him go and talk to Robert so he could get his side of the story. You could have saved them both so much pain and heartache if you had just got them to thrash things out back then”.

When Liv noticed that none of them wanted to answer her question she did it for them. “But that was something that none of you were ever going was it, because all of you instantly wanted to believe the worst of Robert, you do it every single time, when have any of you ever given him the benefit of the doubt, as soon as you hear he’s been accused of doing something bad you just believe it without question, wade in, slag him off and if it turns out after all that you got things wrong you just shrug your shoulders as if it doesn’t matter that you ripped him apart and hurt his feelings. To be honest he’s lucky if you can even bring yourselves to say sorry for the pain you caused him by your words. You have all from time to time treated him like dirt”. 

Liv paused for breath, she was on a roll. “When I found out that he hadn’t cheated on Aaron I was mortified by the way I had treated him, I felt sick inside because I said some really cruel, hateful things to him, yet somehow, because this is the way he is with the people he loves, he somehow found it in his heart to forgive me. As I just told you he let me back into his life, he’s helped me with my college work, in fact its down to him that I got into university, he’s let me stay with him in London, took me on holidays, bought me things that I would never have been able to afford in a million years but the most important thing that he has done for me is love me unconditionally, he had treated me like I was his own, not just because I am his sister-in-law but because in his eyes I am like a daughter to him to”. 

Liv finally ran out of steam. It was then that she realised that the pub was silent. To her horror she suddenly twigged that everybody had been listening in. She felt her face burn at first but then she decided she had said nothing that she ashamed of and held her head up high, if people didn’t like what they had heard then that was tough, there was no way that she was going to apologise to any of them for standing up for Robert.

Liv began to head for the door, she had had enough of them and the Woolpack to last a lifetime.

Chas called after her. “Where do you think you are going, lady, I haven’t finished with you yet”. Chas glared at Faith. “or my mother either for that matter”,

Liv turned round. “I’m going back to the Mill and I am going to pack, now that Aaron is going to be living at Mere Place there is no reason any more why I can’t live there to”.

Chas was shocked by Liv’s reply. She made to go after her but Faith and Cain held her back. Both told her to wait another day to fight her battles, that the mood Liv was in there would be no reasoning with her and she would only make matters worse.

Liv walked out of the pub, she felt pretty good about things all in all. Her mood lifted as she thought about how her two favourite people in all the world were finally back together again, she had got her family back at long last and it felt good. Chas and the rest of them, Faith excluded of course, could all do a running jump if they didn’t like it.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aftermath - Mere Place

Robert walked thought the door of his home, he was seething with anger, his temper incendiary, he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself but he was failing miserably to get back on an even keel. The scenes in the pub had proven to be the last straw, the day had lived up to all his worst nightmares, in fact it had exceeded them, it had been more than bloody awful, it had been a living hell from start to finish and his maternal relatives had contrived to make everything even worse.

As soon as everybody was inside Robert turned round and fixed his eyes on James, Kathy and Harry. His voice was on the borderline of shouting as he spoke to them. “Are the three of you happy now?”.

The trio looked warily at Robert as he continued to vent his spleen. “I know you set me up, you manipulated me into going to the Woolpack so you could out me as Robbie Merrick”.

Robert shook his head at them, his voice growing even louder. “Did you really think for one minute I wouldn’t twig what was going on, do you really think that I am that stupid?”.

Robert halted a moment to calm himself. “How could you do that to me, I thought you loved me”.

James felt the force of Robert’s last remark, he closed his eyes, trying to shut out the pain he had heard in his brother-in-law’s voice. He made to step closer to Robert, so he could hold him, but he was met with a rebuff when Robert shied away from him. He tried with words to reach Robert, make him understand. “We do love you Robbie, we all love you so very much and I know that you won’t be thinking this at this moment in time but when you calm down you will see what we did had to be done, for your own sake you needed the truth to come out and it was high time that you confronted those bloody awful relatives you have in Emmerdale and told them a few home truths, if anything it was long overdue that they got their comeuppance for the terrible ways they have treated you over the years”.

Robert wasn’t in the mood to listen. “You know that I really love you all, you mean the world to me but if you ever, ever, do anything like this to me again then you are all out of my life for good, do you understand, I won’t have any of you near me if I can’t trust you any more”.

Sandie who had come to meet them was stunned when Robert stormed past her, the look on his face worried the life out of her, he looked so broken and lost. She wanted to run after him but she had Annie in her arms and Seb was hanging close to her side. She looked down at Seb when she heard him let out a sob and her heart went out to the wee lad, all he had wanted was a cuddle from his dad and he was to young to understand why his father had ignored him. Mercifully James came to the rescue and picked the little boy up in his arms to smooth him. 

Robert was to far gone to hear his son’s cries, he just wanted to be alone. He made his way upstairs where he could finally get the peace he craved, where he could let his tears flow and release all the pent up pain that was inside him.

Aaron went to follow Robert, but Harry grabbed his arm and prevented him. “Leave him be, he needs to be alone for awhile”

Aaron turned on Harry. “Was what Robert said right, did you really stage it all, put him in that bloody awful situation back at the Woolpack”.

James intervened on his son’s behalf. “It had to be done, there are times when you have to be cruel to be kind”.

Aaron glared at him. “It easy for you to say that, you weren’t the one that got hurt were you, did any of you even notice what he was doing to him, how much it was killing him to have to stand there and listen to Diane, Vic and Andy rip him apart in front of the whole village, telling everybody how much they hated him, it was destroying him inside”.

James went over to Aaron and touched him gently on the shoulder, trying to appease him. “I do know what he was going through laddie and trust me having to stand by and see the lad I love like a son in so much pain was breaking my heart into thousands of little pieces, but the truth is that in the long run its what needed to happen, after today Robbie will finally be able to move forwards, he’ll be able to let the past go at long last because all those open wounds he has been carrying for so long can finally begin to heal”.

Aaron shook his head, he didn’t believe a word of what the man had just said but he was to tired and demoralised to argue, just like Robert he wanted some peace and quiet away from angry people and their destructive natures.

Harry took over from James and put his arm around Aaron shoulders, he guided him further into the house so they could all sit down and try and calm themselves down after the evenings traumatic events. 

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The Library, Mere Place

Robert was sat in an armchair, his eyes were gazing unseeingly out of the window, he had let go of his self control and the tears that he had suppressed in the pub were silently falling down his cheeks, in rivers. He felt dead inside as he relived the day from hell, the emotional pain he was in tore through him, wave after waves of relentless agony that wouldn’t abate however hard he tried to push it aside. At that moment in time he didn’t think he had ever felt more alone, he wished that his gran was around so she could tell him what to do, tell him how he could pick himself up and move forwards once more but he knew that was now a thing of the past, Annie was gone forever and was never coming back, it was up to him to sort things out on his own.

The tears began to flow faster as his misery over took him and he started to sob, loud heart rendering cries that spoke of his inner despair, despair that was tearing him apart, bit by bit. 

Eventually Robert ran out of tears, he sat still for a while until he managed to gain control of his senses, then reached into his pocket for a handkerchief so he could wipe away the evidence of his breakdown. When he had calmed sufficiently he went over some of the events of the day in his mind. 

Robert admitted to himself that deep down he knew that the will would cause problems but the ugliness of the scene with Victoria had devastated him, he hadn’t expected her to react quite like that. He laughed, mocking himself, he should have known better than to deceive himself where she was concerned, history had proven time and time again that she was prone to jumping to conclusions without any proof that what she was saying was true. Robert sighed, deep down he realised that it had been wistful thinking on his part that just for once she could have changed the habits of a lifetime and asked him to explain everything first before wadding in, both guns blazing. Vic had humiliated him in front of his family and friends and he knew that this time he wasn’t going to be able to brush her behaviour away, that that moment had been a watershed in their relationship and things would never be the same again. To add insult to injury she had been equally vile to him in the pub. Robert sat back in the chair as he finally admitted to himself what he had known for years, that whilst he did still love his sister, he really didn’t like her any more and he couldn’t see how he ever could again. It made his heart ache to know that he had to let her go from his life, another failure to add to the long list of things that he hadn’t got right as a human being, the brother who had failed to get his sister to truly love him for himself.

Robert than moved on to thinking about Diane, what she had said it the pub hadn’t been a surprise to him, he had come to the conclusion years ago that she had never really loved or cared about him but for her to finally admit it out loud had been a devastating blow. It had made it to real and then there was Andy, the golden boy who could do no wrong, it made him sick to the stomach the way she always defended him. 

Robert shrugged his shoulders as he came to a conclusion, damn the lot of them, as far as he was concerned they could all rot in hell because he was going to wash his hands of them for good, never again was he going to let them hurt him any more, he’d had enough of being their whipping boy to last a life time.

Robert sighed to himself yet again, he knew the decision he had just made was the right one but he felt no joy in it, it left him feeling hollow inside that after years of trying to be a good son and brother he had ultimately failed, just like he had known deep down he would as what he had been trying to accomplish was beyond even him.

Robert knew that true love had to be given freely, that you couldn’t force any one to love you, they had to do so of their own accord and those trio never were going to truly love him however hard he tried to please them, it had never been in their nature to care about him the way he wanted them to, however much he had tried to deceive himself that they did. Robert mused that it had been the same with his dad, he and loved and never been loved in return. The stark reality of his thoughts brought fresh tears to his eyes.

Robert was so wrapped up in misery that he didn’t hear any one enter the room. The first he was aware of company was when Seb walked up to him and touched him on the knee to get his attention, he turned and saw Aaron was following behind his son and registered the horror on Aaron’s face when he saw the state he was in.

Seb looked at his dad and saw the tears staining his cheeks, the little boy’s bottom lip started to wobble at seeing his daddy cry. Robert quickly reached out and scooped his son up in his arms, cuddling him tight, trying to reassure him that daddy was okay and he wasn’t to worry about him. Robert looked at Aaron out of the corner of his eye and saw his husband mouth the word sorry over and over again. 

Aaron was kicking himself, Harry had told him not to take Seb with him but he had dismissed his advice, thinking he knew best at what Robert needed to cheer him up, thinking that the little boy would be the perfect antidote to put a smile on his husband’s face. He berated himself for being a complete idiot, if anything he had made things even worse, Robert was upset because his son was distressed at seeing him in such a state. Aaron watched on as Robert calmed Seb down, told him that Daddy was just missing Granny Annie and he would be alright, that if Seb gave him one of his special hugs it would make him happy again. It brought tears to his eyes when he saw the little boy cling tight to his daddy, wanting to make him smile again.

Aaron wondered, not for the first time where Robert found his strength from. He marvelled at what must have been a super human effort by his husband to put his heartache to one side and concentrate on Seb’s well being. Within minute’s Seb was in peals of laughter as his dad’s big hands tickled him, he saw the big smile on Robert’s face when his son squealed for him to stop.

Robert laughed when the sound of Seb’s giggles were trumped by the sound of his tummy rumbling. He looked lovingly at his son. “Sound to me like somebody is in need of their dinner”.

Seb rubbed his tummy in anticipation of food. Without any candour Seb repeated what he shouldn’t have overheard. “Auntie Sandie said that dinner will be ready in twenty minutes and that somebody had to go and tell you to get your backside downstairs pronto”.

Aaron groaned inwardly at Seb’s remarks, he didn’t dare look at Robert at that moment in time to see what his reaction was.

Robert looked at his son in surprise, before he could say anything Seb imparted more hidden gems. “She also said that you had had long enough to wallow in self pity and that at your age you really were to old to sulk, so somebody needed to tell you to pull yourself together and stop being such a wuss”.

Aaron’s mouth hit the floor at Seb’s latest indiscretions, he finally plucked up the courage to look at Robert, to his surprise Robert was smiling. He heard his husband speak. “Well in that case I had better do as I am told then and pull myself together so we can all go downstairs and get you something to eat before the noise from your tummy deafens us all”. 

Robert laughed as he added. “Besides, I don’t think either of us wants a lecture from Auntie Sandie for being late do we”.

Seb shook his head. Auntie Sandie could be scary at times.

Robert stood up with Seb still cradled in his arms, he handed his son over to Aaron, saying that he needed to go to the bathroom to tidy himself up before he was fit for company. Aaron tried to talk to him but Robert shook his head and walked away, he wanted to have a few more precious moments alone before he had to contend with company again.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

After Dinner, Mere Place

Aaron sat drinking a beer with Harry, Gary, and Daniel. James and Sandie were clearing away dinner and Robert, noting that Seb was still pensive about how his daddy was had taken him upstairs to play with him for a while until it was time for his bath and bed.

Aaron felt uneasy, he knew Harry but the other two men were an unknown entities to him. He had a bit more insight regarding Gary, he had observed the man in the Woolpack, whilst he had spoken only a few times it was clear that he had a sharp intelligence about him and he certainly hadn’t taken any prisoners when he had put Diane and Vic firmly in their places. Aaron thought that he was very good looking in an Italian sort of way, he had jet black hair, dark, brooding eyes and an olive complexion. He was slender and probably as tall as Robert, although Aaron suspected that he had some muscles underneath his clothes he didn’t think he would be anywhere near as toned as his husband. He had managed to gauge over dinner that he was one of Robert’s friends from his Durham University days which meant that he must have known Robert for years and therefore he had to be one of the elite confidants in his husband’s close knit circle of friends along with Harry. Aaron surmised that he was therefore a powerful influence in his husband’s life and that he needed to be wary of the man until he knew him better.

Daniel was a complete unknown, he was okay looking, neither drop dead gorgeous or plain, just that pleasant medium in between that made people warm to them and Aaron knew, instinctively that he was a nice person. Physically he had a similar build to Gary, although Aaron estimated that maybe he was a shade shorter and whereas Gary was dark and brooding, Daniel was the polar opposite, he was fair and happy go lucky. Unlike Gary who had a very slight hint of an underlying Geordie accent underneath his posh tones, Daniel’s voice was the quintescental upper class drawl that toffs seemed to affect.

Aaron noted that both men were very expensively dressed and he felt shabby in comparison, he had a nasty suspicion that even their underwear would have cost more than his entire outfit put together and he cursed himself for not putting on some of Robert’s designer clothes when he had changed out of his suit just before dinner.

Aaron was startled from his reverie when Gary spoke to him. “So are you and Robbie back together again”.

Aaron nodded, not sure what to say. Gary helped him out, his question had been rhetorical after all. “So I guess that means we will be seeing more of you in the future”.

Aaron felt stung by the tone of the man’s voice. There was a sharpness to his own as he replied. “I guess so”.

Harry was bemused by the exchange, he decided to intervene, Gary could be a tad to sharp for his own good at times. “That’s right, going forwards we are all going to be one big happy family. aren’t we Aaron”.

Harry added with a mischievous grin. “I don’t know about you all but I am looking forward to us all getting to know one another, its going to be fun”.

Daniel smiled, ever the peacemaker. “To be honest it would make sense if we could all get along, at the very least for Robbie sake we should all make an effort to play nicely together”.

Daniel added. “I don’t know how you all feel but from what I have seen today I think that Robbie has had more than enough to contend with lately and the last thing he needs is to have to referee us squabbling amongst ourselves, so we need to give him our full support and get him through this bad patch he is currently in and that means we have to be on our best behaviour so we don’t make things even more difficult for him”. 

The four men thought about it and agreed it was the best way to go forwards.

Now that the ice was broken Aaron realised that he would have to make an effort to be sociable. He looked at Gary and Daniel and his curiosity was peaked about who they really were deep down, what made them tick. “Robert hasn’t told me much about you, so if you can do you think you can tell me a bit about yourselves and how you met Robert so I can get to know you better”.

Aaron quickly added. “All in the cause of us playing nice, for Robert’s sake”

Gary nodded, it seemed a fair request, he elected to start. “I first met Robbie nearly fourteen years ago when I was studying law at Durham University. I was in my second year and I decided I wanted to move out of student accommodation so I looked on the rooms to let board and there was an advert saying there was one room left to rent in a four bedroom house. To cut along story short I took it. Robbie and his partner at the time Jamie had one room and the other rooms were taken by Pete and Harry”.

Aaron mulled it over. “I’ve heard Robert mention Pete before, did he come to the funeral?”

Gary nodded. “Yes he did, he came with his husband Gary but unfortunately they couldn’t stay long as they both had to attend a very important meeting. I’m not sure how much Robbie has told you but there is a lot going on business wise at the moment, they are all working flat out”.

Aaron was nonplussed for a moment, it hadn’t occurred to him that Robert would have several gay friends, he knew that when he had been in Emmerdale Robert had always gravitated towards straight company and he had literally had to drag him into gay bars on pain of death because of his intense dislike of them, not that he had managed to do so on more than a handful of occasions and then all Robert had done was bitch and moan until they left. 

Gary smiled at the look of astonishment on Aaron’s face. “You seem shocked by something”

Aaron felt himself redden. “I didn’t realise that Pete was gay, let alone married to John”.

Aaron further elaborated. “Robert hasn’t exactly got round to filling me in regarding the more personal details about you all”.

Harry smiled, that sounded like my uncle. “Well just for the record Pete and John are gay and married to each other and just so you don’t put your foot in it these two sitting opposite you gay as as well”. 

Harry added, a hint of resignation in voice. “In fact I’m about the only close friend of Robbie’s that’s straight, I’m thinking of petitioning him to add more of us to his select band of mates so I don’t feel outnumbered all the time”.

Gary and Daniel laughed at Harry’s mock indignation. Daniel replied. “That is not strictly true, Harry, Robbie does have straight friends as well and to be fair you are not really in the friends category either, you are in family bracket”.

Harry snorted. “I can’t list many friends that are straight. Your both gay and married to Mickey and Jeremy. Then there is Pete and John. Giles is gay as well. Aggie is a lesbian, the list goes on”.

Gary shook his head at Harry in faux condemnation. “Well by my reckoning that makes eight of us excluding Giles latest partner and who ever Aggie is inflicting her dubious charms on, its hardly an overkill when you think of all his other friends from Oxford and Durham as well as all those straight friends of his he has met through work over the years”.

Aaron’s head was reeling, he was a little to candid. “Well eight gay friends is more than I would ever of credited Robert with having, its going to take me a while to get my head round it, especially as I remember how much he hated it when I took him to a gay bar in Hotten during our affair era, I seem to recall that if looks could kill I would have been six feet under, I could literally see his skin crawl at being surrounded predominately by gay men, he was so ill at ease in their company”.

The three man shifted uneasily in their seats, Aaron had just touched on a taboo subject that they never discussed. Gary immediately switched the conversation to safer waters. “Well as I said Robbie didn’t meet me at a gay bar and he got to know Danny here though his husband, Jeremy”.

Aaron paused a moment. “I think I have heard Robert mention a Jeremy before, if I remember rightly he came to visit Robert after he had his brain tumour op three years ago, he sounded like a right struck-up snob but he can’t have been your husband, he was way to old, Robert said he was in his fifties”.

Harry and Gary started to laugh in earnest, Daniel didn’t join in with the merriment, instead he just scowled at the two of them.

Aaron was mortified when he realised that he must have put his foot in it, he looked at Daniel. He tentatively spoke his fears out loud. “Let me guess, Robert’s Jeremy is your husband, isn’t he”.

Daniel nodded. “Yes”.

Daniel turned to glare at Harry and Gary because they were still chuckling away at Aaron’s faus pas. “Its not that funny”.

Harry smiled at Daniel, a big smirk on his face. “Well to be fair it is”.

Aaron was cringing inside, but to his intense relief Daniel, seeing how embarrassed he was chose to be conciliatory, reinforcing his earlier opinion that the man was had a kind soul. “Don’t worry about putting your foot in it Aaron, I haven’t taken the slightest offence and to be honest its not the first time the age gap has been commented on, these two are always ribbing me about living with my grandad”.

Aaron managed to breath again, he quickly tried to smooth things over. “Well if he makes you happy it doesn’t matter what other people think”.

Daniel nodded and glared at Harry and Gary again. “Precisely”.

Aaron quickly changed the subject, he looked at Gary and noticed for the first time that he was wearing a wedding ring. He addressed Gary. “I see that you’re married to, want to tell me what’s he’s like so I can avoid putting my foot in it for the second time in a row”.

Gary smirked. “Robbie really hasn’t been very informative at all has he. My husband is Mickey Randall”

Aaron was rendered speechless for a while. When he managed to overcome his shock he asked for clarification. “Would that be the Mickey Randall, the one that’s the lead singer of The Reckonites?”

Daniel decided to get his own back on Gary for laughing at Aaron’s tactlessness about his ‘ancient husband’. “One and the same, although to be fair its another strange match don’t you think, Aaron. On one side we have the cut throat criminal barrister in his expensive designer suits who is even vainer that Robbie and spends a fortune on his potions and lotions and on the other the dirty, unwashed looking scruff in his Oxfam hand me downs with his mockney accent who’s always crusading for the under classes in those social minded songs of his”

Aaron squirmed in his seat, he racked his brains for something neutral to say. “Well I haven’t seen them together so I can’t really comment if they are a good match or not”.

Harry had been following every word and could no longer resist stirring it, he looked directly at Aaron. “I seem to recall that you were playing some of the Reckonites tracks for Robbie the other day, if I remember rightly you told your husband that you thought the lead singer was pretty fit”.

Aaron turned scarlet, just when he thought that things couldn’t get even worse, Harry had to stir things that little bit more. “I distinctly remember that Robbie was a bit miffed about the amount of attention you were heaping on another bloke so you had to tell him that he had nothing to worry about as there was no way that you would kick him out of bed to get to Mickey, because you thought he much hotter than Mickey in every conceivable way possible”.

Aaron felt the ground open up underneath him, he wanted it to swallow him whole to spare him from his humiliation. Mercifully Liv came into their orbit and proved a distraction to the three men who were having fun at his expense. 

Aaron was amazed when all three of them greeted her warmly, then he remembered that she had confessed to him that she had been visiting Robert all last year so it seemed likely that she would have got to meet some of his friends. He felt a moment of pride in his sister when he realised these men liked her and that she in turn was comfortable in their presence and liked them back.

Liv plonked herself down next to Aaron, she had finished unpacking her stuff into her room, a room that had been earmarked for her from day one and she had decided to come downstairs to have a few moments with her brother before she went to bed. The fact that some of her favourite friends of Robert were there to was an added bonus. “So what’s all the laughing about, I heard you miles away”.

Harry answered for them. “Well your brother has just been telling Danny that he’s married to a stuck-up OAP and if that wasn’t bad enough he also mentioned to Gary that he thought his husband was pretty fit but not in Robert’s league so he wasn’t the least bit interested in shagging him”.

Liv looked at Aaron and shook her head at him in disapproval. He was stung into replying. “Don’t blame me, Liv, its Robert’s fault for not telling me anything, its his fault that I have made a right muppet of myself”.

At that moment Robert chose to walk with Annie safely cradled in his arms. He caught the Robert’s fault part of the conversation. “What’s my fault”.

Aaron turned and glared at him. There was a grumpy overtone to his voice as he spoke. “You not telling me about your friends. I’ve put my foot in it twice now thanks to you”.

Robert carefully placed Annie in her Moses basket before he sat down next to Gary as he replied to Aaron. “Are, right”. Robert paused before continuing”. “But in my defence we haven’t really had any time to discuss such things in detail, we have been concentrating on other more important matters”.

Robert saw Harry, Daniel and Gary smirking at him, they were enjoying seeing him in the dog house so he decided they could do with being wound up in return. “So how about I rectify the matter, starting with these two. Gary first I think, to kick off he is a barrister”.

Harry and Daniel spoke in unison. “Q.C.”.

Aaron noticed that Gary glared at them. His attention was brought back to Robert as he continued. “Sorry, how on earth could I have forgotten the Q.C. bit, he reminds everybody all the time that he has the Queen’s silk”

Robert paused slightly before continuing. “Any way where was I, right, Gary specialises in defending the criminal elite although he had reliably informed me that he will never represent rapists and paedophiles however innocent they claim to be, he will only represent good old fashioned murderers, thieves and other general random naughty people. He is part English and part Sicilian, hence the honey colour skin that got all the girls hearts fluttering at university only for them to gnash their teeth when they found out he batted for the other side. Even though he affects a somewhat posh accent he was born to middle class parents in Durham and when really drunk it has been know for the Geordie in him to come out, it is a hilarious sight to behold, trust me. Gary has married well above his station to a man called Mickey Randall. Mickey likes to pretend he is working class by affecting a common accent instead of his real cut glass one that he uses in private. In reality Mickey is the son of an earl, he went to Harrow alongside Daniel before studying law at Oxford before wasting his education by becoming the lead singer with one of those indie bands that you force me to listen to despite you knowing that the sound they make puts my teeth on edge”.

Harry and Daniel were trying hard not to laugh so much they pee themselves. Gary just looked peeved. Liv just sat back and enjoyed herself, glad to see Robert more like his old self and bantering with his friends.

Robert having paused for breath turned his attention to Daniel. “Danny on the other hand does live up to his posh accent. Like Mickey he is the son of an earl, fortunately he is a low level son so him being gay won’t affect the lineage. He went to Harrow as I mentioned and then Oxford where he read English Literature. He is another one of my friends that wasted his education, he decided to doss around Europe for a bit after getting a first class degree, he ended up working in a posh hotel as a waiter on the Riviera where he met Jeremy who was socialising with the rich elite during his annual monthly holiday. Jeremy recognised him for the aristo he was and they hit it off, so much so that Danny actually married the old fogey and is very happy that he did despite the twenty year age gap. Jeremy decided that Danny had to go into a more suitable line of work, after all with him being a bastion of investment banking he couldn’t permit his husband to carry on waiting tables so he suggested that Danny pursue his literary dreams and write poetry. After a few dodgy ditties he has since proven to be rather good at writing verse and has subsequently won the odd award now and again. Danny’s maternal family is rather colourful and from time to time they provide Gary with some work, well lots of it to be honest, he makes a fortune out of them. Danny brother, Alexander has a company that is part owned by Merrick Capital Investments and thanks to Pete and me he is very rich, which has made us very popular with the family, they might be aristocratic but they are like the vast majority of their kind, cash poor, land rich. Danny’s maternal grandad, was an old school bank robber, I have met him a few times and he had often remarked that if he had had one of me around in the day he wouldn’t have had to rob banks because he could have got me to do it legally for him and it would have made him more money that his illegally gotten gains ever had”.

Aaron looked totally nonplussed, the blank look on his face provoked merriment all round. He looked at Robert. “If you are winding me up, we will be having words later”.

Robert was spared from answering when Sandie, James and Kathy returned to join them with coffees and an array of cakes left over from the wake. They all settled down to chat. Aaron, still reeling from Robert’s resume of his two friends just sat back and let the conversation flow around him. He looked at Gary and Daniel, trying to gauge whether they were upset by Robert’s descriptions of them but they didn’t seem to be in the least bit annoyed, Aaron suspected that they gave Robert as good they he got. It came to him that Robert hadn’t talked about Harry, but then to be fair he had been interrupted before he could and it wasn’t as if Harry was a complete stranger to him, they had been getting to know each other for a few weeks now, having had a few long chats with and without Robert present. The one thing that he was burning to ask was why Foster had backed away from Harry in the pub, from his own observations he had never known Kim Tate’s henchman to be frightened of anybody, not even his uncle Cain, yet Harry had made him uneasy.

Annie managed to interrupt proceeding by starting to cry. Robert was about to get up and go to her when Sandie jumped up and beat him to it, it proved to be the catalyst that ended the evening. Gary checked his watch, swore when he realised what the time was and said that he needed to go to bed and get some sleep as he had to be up and away at five to make court in Manchester tomorrow. Aaron was disgruntled when he saw Liv give the man a warm goodnight hug but it was nothing to how peeved he felt when the man hugged Robert far to closely for to long a time in his opinion and then he had the nerve to kiss his husband on the cheek in what was far to intimate a gesture for his liking. Aaron started to seethe inside, he didn’t like to see any man but him touch Robert.

Daniel decided to go to bed to, much to Aaron further chagrin the man hugged and kissed his sister and husband before leaving with Gary to go to their rooms. Aaron suspected that the pair of them would be talking about him up their way upstairs. It turned the evening sour for him, thinking that they would be judging him and no doubt finding him wanting.

Robert went over to Sandie and kissed his daughter on the forehead, he was itching to prise her away from Sandie’s arms but he thought that he would be fighting a losing battle, his sister had made it quite clear that he needed to rest and looking after a young baby was not going to help him achieve that, so he was to leave his daughter in her capable hands. In some ways Robert thought that Sandie was so like Annie, both of them strong, determined women that ruled over everybody around them with a rod of iron. He closed his eyes briefly as his grief at Annie’s loss washed over him again.

James and Harry were the next to hug him goodnight, they departed with Sandie and his daughter to Harry’s part of the house. Robert mused that Priya must be skulking there out of his firing range, he would be having words with her later for the part she had played in getting him to the Woolpack. 

Robert felt uneasy that yet again his daughter was going to be looked after by somebody else, by rights in an ideal world it should have been him and the nanny taking care of his daughter. He wondered if she was going to show up tomorrow after all or if her so called bout of flu would delay her return yet again. He sighed as he thought that it was yet another problem he would have to deal with, he wasn’t the least bit happy with her commitment and had asked the family to keep a close eye on her in his absence to make sure she was doing her job properly, at the slightly hint of trouble she would be out because there was no way on earth he was going to entrust his children’s welfare with somebody who was unfit to look after them.

Kathy and Liv were the only two left of the party other than Aaron. They decided it would be prudent to leave the married couple alone and departed post-haste after saying their goodbyes.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Robert’s Bedroom (and Aaron's as well)

Robert and Aaron were still wide awake, there was a deathly silence between them. After a while Aaron couldn’t bear it a moment longer. “Penny for them”.

Robert smiled sadly. “You’d be wasting your money, I haven’t been thinking much at all, I’ve just been trying to blank my mind of everything, find some peace”.

Aaron mulled over his husband’s reply, he decided that it wasn’t the best thing for him to bottle things up. “Do you want to talk about what happened in the pub”.

Robert turned to look at Aaron, he saw the concern in his eyes and quickly tried to reassure him that he was fine. “No, not now, maybe later when its less raw”.

Aaron decided not to push it. “Okay, but whenever you want to I’m here for you, you know that, I want to make things better if I can”.

Robert reached over and caressed Aaron’s arm. “Thanks”.

Aaron changed the subject. “Your friends were a lot nicer to me than I expected, although after putting my foot in it numerous times they probably think I’m a right muppet”.

Aaron quickly added. “Thanks for that by the way”.

Robert laughed. “Oh I shouldn’t worry about it, if anything, I think you making an idiot of yourself has worked in your favour”.

Aaron was nonplussed. “How come”.

Robert thought how best he could explain things before replying. “Deep down despite what you think they look like, with all their designer clothes and posh voices they are all pretty much down to earth. They value people for themselves, they like people to be honest with them and you were real, you didn’t try and be somebody your not and they liked that about you”

Robert paused to think how best to frame things. “They know our history and they are worried about us being together again but tonight they got to see us as a couple for the first time, they got to see with their own eyes just how much we love each other and how happy I am when I am with you and that’s what is really important to them, seeing me in a good place”.

Robert added. “Deep down all my friends and family want for me is to loved and happy again and if you show them you are the one to make me feel that way then they will welcome you with open arms and for what its worth I think that you are well on you way to achieving that, they seem to like you”

Aaron blushed, for some reason he felt very emotional, he never would have imagined that he would want to be liked by a bunch of rich toffs but having met them he realised he did, not just for his sake but for Robert’s as well, there was something about them all that made him want to be part of the inner circle, to be accepted by them.

It suddenly dawned on him that the reason he liked them was because they adored Robert, it was the first time that he had seen his husband surrounded by so many non family members that obviously loved him and were kind to him to boot. Aaron suddenly realised that he would never get enough of seeing Robert so open and friendly with people, it was a joy to see the real man on display, the one that he had fell hopelessly in love with. 

Aaron smiled tentatively. “I really hope that they do, like me that is because I think I could get to like them back”.

Robert smiled, Aaron had told him what he wanted to hear, he leant over and kissed Aaron on the lips, it was a kiss full of tenderness and affection, a kiss to convey his gratitude to the man he loved for his saying that he would make an effort to get on with his friends. 

Aaron felt the electricity course through him as his husband’s lips grazed his own. It ignited his passion, passion that was still pent up from the night before and before he realised what he was doing he closed the gap between them and ended up straddling his husband. He saw the shock in Robert’s eyes at the sudden turn of events and lent down and claimed Robert’s mouth, unlike the previous kiss this one was full of want and passion as Aaron hungrily devoured Robert’s mouth, taking the breath from his lungs. When they finally came up for air they were both breathing heavily. 

Aaron ground down on Robert, eliciting a groan from his husband and pressed home his advantage, he felt Robert buckle beneath him and he knew from old that his husband would be putty in his hands from this point on. Aaron found Robert’s mouth again and began to kiss him, forcing his tongue between his husbands lips, seeking dominant over him.

Aaron reluctantly dragged his mouth away from Robert’s so he could look him in the eye, he needed reassuring that this was want Robert wanted to, Aaron groaned to himself that his bloody conscience had hit him at the wrong moment yet again, he knew that Robert was still raw and vulnerable after the day from hell and he didn’t want to take advantage of him when he was in such a state especially as he had made such a song and dance about it not the right time the night before because he was in a bad place.

Aaron looked deeply into Robert’s eyes, willing his husband to give him a sign to continue, he almost exploded with joy when Robert asked him what the hell he was waiting for and why the hell it was taking him so long to start fucking the life out of him. Aaron smiled from ear to ear and began his onslaught in earnest, by the time he had finished with Robert his husband would well and truly be his once more. 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Aaron woke with a start, he reached out and realised the other side of the bed was empty. He waited a moment, just to make sure Robert hadn’t gone to the bathroom and then got out of bed. He pulled on his pants and make for the open door at the end of the bedroom. He walked through the office and then into the library.

Aaron let his eyes adjust to the gloom, he saw the silhouette of a man sitting in a chair looking out of the window, he wandered over to him and reached down to place his arms round his shoulders and kiss him gently on the top of the head. Robert looked up at him and smiled as his hands simultaneous reached up to hold Aaron’s in place against his chest. 

Aaron smiled back. “What are you doing out here. Its five in the morning, that’s early even by your standards to be up and about”.

Robert sighed. “I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep”. 

Robert added. “I didn’t wanted to wake you up with my tossing and turning so I thought I would come and sit here for a while until I felt sleepy again”.

Aaron went and sat on the arm of the chair, he leant over and kissed Robert on cheek, it earned him another smile from his husband. “Are you okay”.

Robert reassured Aaron that all was well. “I’m fine”.

Aaron was pensive for a moment. “Last night...”.

Robert interrupted him. “Was amazing”.

Aaron let out a sigh of relief. “I was a bit worried that I had maybe taken advantage...”.

Robert interrupted his husband by laughing. “Well if I’m being truthful you did, I mean talk about being a hypocrite, the night before the funeral you were so frustrating noble, said you couldn’t possibly take advantage of me when emotionally I was all over the place but the night after you did an about face, changed the rules and shagged me senseless”.

Aaron was a bit miffed. “You could have said no”.

Robert laughed again. “Now why would I have done that, my beautiful husband, who I love with all my heart was red hot desperate to have me and that’s what I wanted to, I wanted him to have his wicked way with me, I loved every minute of it”

Robert paused, he was more serious as he continued. “Joking aside, last night was everything I could have possibly wanted and then somehow more, it made me realise just how much I had missed you, both in and out of bed and I never want to be without you again”.

Aaron felt the breath catch in his throat. “I’ve missed you to, Mr Dingle”.

Aaron stopped as he felt the tears form in his eyes, he was startled when he felt Robert brush them away before they could start in earnest. “No more tears, Aaron, our time for crying is over, its time for us to be happy again, love and laughter all the way from now on”.

Aaron nodded but if anything Robert’s words made the inevitability of tears more likely but he battled against them, Robert was right they had cried enough. He sat up and gently reached for Robert’s hand and pulled him from the chair. “I think its time we went back to bed, husband”.

Robert smiled tenderly at Aaron. “But I’m not in the least bit sleepy”.

Aaron laughed. “Who said anything about sleep”.

Robert smiled broadly and let Aaron lead the way

As they walked back to the bedroom Aaron decided to tease Robert. “Are you sure you’re up for it, I mean you’re not getting any younger and if you need more time to get your energy back we can wait, after all things did get a bit wild last night and you were exhausted after I had finished with you”.

As a reply Robert pulled Aaron into his arms and kissed him deeply until he felt his husband melt against him as his legs began to give way as his passion ignited, he laughed to himself, by the time he was finished with Aaron it would be the younger man who would be begging for a rest.


End file.
